Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Lovense Lush 3

Kate Sloan

Recently, sex toy company Lovense reached out to me and asked if I’d like to try their best-selling product, the Lush 3 vibrator, and write about it. I told them I already owned a Lush 3, so there was no need to send me another one, but that I’d happily review it – because it’s just an all-around solid toy, one that I’m glad to have in my collection. Let’s talk about it.

 

What is the Lovense Lush 3?

If the Lush looks familiar to you, it’s likely because you’ve seen it in porn clips or cam shows. It’s a favorite of many adult performers (and their fans) because of its interactivity features – like most other Lovense toys, you can connect it via Bluetooth to the Lovense app, and either control it yourself or invite someone else to control it.

I’m a frequent user of Lovense toys, because I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for over 6 years and we often use these toys during phone sex, to feel closer to one another when we’re apart. Some of my faves from the company’s lineup are the Exomoon (lipstick-shaped clitoral vibrator), Edge 2 (prostate/perineum massager), Max 2 (vibrating/squeezing stroker), and Gush (penis head/shaft vibrator).

The Lush 3 is meant to be inserted and “worn” vaginally, so that the vibrations stimulate your G-spot. It looks similar to a We-Vibe, but it’s not meant to be worn during penetrative sex like a We-Vibe is; it works better as a standalone vibe, although you can also pair it with a clitoral vibrator if you want, and I often do.

 

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The shape of the Lush is really well-suited for passive G-spot stimulation. It has a gently curved bump that protrudes to hit the right spot. The design also offers some leeway, to account for some people’s G-spots being deeper or shallower than others’; the body of the toy is wide enough, and its neck is bendy enough, that you can probably position it on your G-spot no matter where it’s located on your vaginal wall.
  • The vibrations get decently powerful at the high end – not as strong as a typical wand vibe or anything, but stronger than I’d generally expect for a vibe of this size. The Lush is buzzier than some other Lovense toys I’ve tried (meaning that the vibrations are higher-pitched and feel more surface-level), but I’ve often found that my G-spot actually likes a little buzziness. The Lush’s vibrations always feel comfortable to me, and don’t make my G-spot feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or “itchy” like some super-buzzy G-spot vibes can.
  • It’s quite comfortable shape-wise, too, even when I wear it for a few hours at a time. The neck is slim enough that it doesn’t start to bother my vaginal opening after a while, as some other vaginally-wearable toys like the Hole Punch Fluke sometimes do. I also find that it stays inside me very well – I even wore it on an hour-long walk once and I never worried about it falling out. (I’d recommend skipping lube, or just using less, if you’ll be standing up/walking around a lot with the Lush inside you.)
  • Lovense’s Bluetooth capabilities are still some of the best in the biz. The connectivity isn’t flawless, but it is markedly better than that of Bluetooth toys I’ve tried from other brands. The Lovense app is much better designed than a lot of its competitors (according to my spouse, who develops iPhone software for a living). It has some features I never/rarely use, like a built-in video call functionality and the ability to sync vibrations to music, but it also doesn’t feel overstuffed with superfluous gimmicks like a lot of sex toy apps do.
  • It’s kinda quiet, once it’s inserted. Like, I wouldn’t wear this vibe in any situation where it would actually be disastrous if someone found out I was wearing it, because it is audible, especially on higher speeds – but if you’re in a relatively noisy public environment, or even one of a moderate volume like a restaurant/bar, you should be fine.
  • It’s fully waterproof, which makes cleanup much easier and also means I don’t have to worry about ruining my toy with vag juice.
  • It has a long battery life: you’ll get up to 5 hours of use from each charge. I’ve gone weeks or months without using mine and had it still be charged enough to use afterward.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • My main problem with this vibrator is that it provides almost zero clitoral stimulation. The vibrations emanate from the toy’s larger (G-spot) arm, and conduct only weakly into the external arm, which barely even makes contact with my clit anyway. So, for me and for most other people with my anatomy, this toy wouldn’t be stimulating enough to cause an orgasm (despite Lovense’s frequent promises of “intense orgasms”) – although it still feels great, if you like G-spot vibration. If I want to come with this toy, I have to use another vibe on my clit at the same time, which entails scooting the Lush’s tail out of the way to make room. (For a Lovense toy that’s similar to the Lush but offers a lot more clit stim, check out the We-Vibe-esque Dolce.)
  • I wish the vibrations were rumblier (as many of Lovense’s other vibrators are) and stronger, mainly because then I could use the Lush as a clitoral vibrator when I felt like it, which would make it more versatile. As is, I only ever pull it out when I specifically want to be teased via G-spot vibration from a distance – a fun way to use it, certainly, but not a frequent craving that comes up for me.
  • It’s a small thing, but I wish the toy’s button was located on the side that faces out, not the side that sits on my clit, as this would make it easier for me to surreptitiously hold down the button when I want to pair or re-pair the toy in public. I don’t want to always have to go to the bathroom to do this.

 

Final thoughts

Is the Lovense Lush 3 worth its asking price of $119? I’d say yes, if any of the following things are true for you:

  • You like G-spot vibration and don’t particularly care about clit stimulation
  • You like G-spot vibration and are willing to stimulate your clit some other way (fingers? a bullet vibe? oral sex from a partner?) while using the Lush if you want to get off
  • You like G-spot vibration and you want a vibrator you can use with a long-distance partner
  • You like G-spot vibration and you want a vibrator suitable for discreet public play
  • You don’t like G-spot vibration, but you want a partner to be able to consensually torture you with it, in a kinky way

It’s not a toy I reach for very often, because (as mentioned) it can’t bring me to orgasm on its own – but orgasm isn’t always the point of every sex/kink session, and it’s a highly effective toy when my partner wants to tease me, from near or far. I’ve tested a bunch of these wearable, Bluetooth-compatible toys over the years, and the Lush 3 is definitely the best G-spot-focused one I’ve tried. Lovense nailed the shape and nailed the connectivity, so I can definitely see why this is their best-selling toy, even if it’s not the one I’ll grab when I want to get off (that would be the Exomoon!). This little pink vibe is iconic in its own way, having starred in so many pornos and cam shows, and I’m glad to own one.

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review. As always, all words and opinions are my own.

Review: Arosum QueerBind harness & FlexDong dildo

Kate Sloan

I don’t wear a strap-on all that often, but when I do, I want it to look hot and feel good, for both me and the person I’m fucking. I’ve tried a few different strap-on setups in my life, and tend to stick to what I know – but I was intrigued when sex toy company Arosum asked if they could send me their QueerBind lace-embellished harness and FlexDong vibrating dildo to review. A new harness or dildo can change your strap game entirely, so I was excited to give ’em a shot!

 

Things I like about the QueerBind harness

  • It’s very adjustable, fitting hips from 26″ to 57″ around. My hip measurement is right in the middle of that range, at 42″, so this fit me just fine.
  • Getting into the harness, and adjusting it to fit, is quick and easy compared to some of the more complex designs I’ve tried. The harness also came pre-assembled right out of the box, so I was able to get started with it immediately upon opening it.
  • It comes with 2 different-sized O-rings (1.19″ and 1.57″ in diameter, respectively), which gives you a lot of leeway in what sizes of dildo you can pair with it. You could also swap out these O-rings for some that are even smaller or larger if need be, though you’ll have to buy those separately (I’d recommend the Tantus O-ring set).
  • The nylon straps have basically no stretch, which means that once the harness has been adjusted to fit, it’s pretty stable. The dildo doesn’t bounce around chaotically, the way it sometimes does with harnesses made of stretchy materials, so I get more control when thrusting.
  • The front and back sections of the harness offer a little bit of spongey cushioning, which I found helpful when thrusting. I didn’t have as much pelvic discomfort after using this harness, because the dildo wasn’t able to directly mash into my mons/vulva due to that cushioning.
  • I like the lacy, boudoir-y aesthetic, including the corset-inspired lacing in the back. It won’t be to everyone’s taste, of course, but I appreciate that it’s cute and decorative without sacrificing practicality.
  • Depending on how I adjust the straps and the front part, I can get a decent amount of vulva access, which would allow me to do things like hold a wand vibrator on my clit, or ride a dildo, while fucking my partner. However, I was also able to adjust the harness in such a way that the dildo sits closer to my clit, which allows me to get some clit stim on each thrust – probably not enough to get me off, but then, I’ve never gotten off while strap-on topping.
  • It only costs $37.95! My previous favorite budget harness pick, the briefs-style one from RodeoH, will typically run you $50-60, so I appreciate that the QueerBind is cheaper and nonetheless works really well.

 

Things I don’t like about the QueerBind harness

  • There’s not an easy way to wedge a vibrator into the harness, so that the wearer can enjoy the vibrations while thrusting. A lot of harnesses have a small pocket or sleeve for this purpose, but this one lacks such a feature, and I’d worry about trying to jam a bullet vibe behind the dildo, as it likely wouldn’t stay put for very long, but YMMV. (The FlexDong dildo vibrates, but its vibrations are concentrated in the head, not the base, so the wearer doesn’t feel much.)
  • Naturally, the nylon and polyester material of this harness don’t feel as sexy and smooth as something like leather, but I wouldn’t expect a high-end feel at this price point. I sometimes found that the nylon straps dug into the soft bits of my hips after a while, but it wasn’t that bothersome.
  • I would recommend changing out the O-ring while you’re not wearing the harness. The waist straps of the harness go through slits in the front part of the harness and snap directly onto the O-ring, so whenever I tried to change the O-ring while wearing the harness, the whole thing fell apart on me and had to be reassembled 😂

 

Things I like about the FlexDong dildo

  • Most importantly, it’s got a great curve for G-spot/prostate play. The silicone is moderately squishy/bendy, which should make it more comfortable for most people to use.
  • It vibrates! But you can also use it without the vibration and it works just fine as a dildo. The vibrations are on the buzzy side of the spectrum, but are nonetheless rumbly enough that they feel good to me, rather than annoying. They’re relatively quiet, too, especially when the dildo is inside somebody.
  • On that note, the button to turn the vibration on or off is located near the base of the toy and is helpful as a visual cue to make sure I’ve got the dildo oriented correctly (i.e. so that it curves into the G-spot/prostate).
  • It has a suction-cup base, so if you want to use it separately from the harness, you can do so hands-free!
  • The silicone is matte, and very silky and sexy to the touch. It can get linty/staticky, which I don’t love, but it’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make for how sensual the surface of this toy feels.
  • While I’m not personally wild about the almost Creamsicle-orange color of this toy, I do appreciate that it’s gender-neutral and not a flesh tone. I wish more companies would branch out color-wise in this way. (That being said, obviously if you want a super realistic-looking dildo, this ain’t the one.)
  • It’s waterproof! Yay!

 

Things I don’t like about the FlexDong dildo

  • The rounded head, while it feels great once it’s actually in you, might pose a problem for some people during insertion (especially anal insertion) since it’s not tapered. You may need to warm up with fingers or a smaller toy first.
  • For myself personally, as a receiver, I prefer a firmer dildo than this. I found that the silicone had a bit too much squish/bend to really give my G-spot the pounding it tends to want.
  • I wish the vibrations were rumblier and stronger, and that it wasn’t necessary to cycle through all 10 of the toy’s modes (3 steady modes + 7 patterns) to get back to the beginning.

 

Final thoughts

It’s always nice to have more strap-on options in my arsenal, and the QueerBind harness is a perfectly serviceable option for its reasonable price point. It pairs well with the FlexDong dildo, among others.

My main complaint about this combo is that I wish it were easier for the wearer to get pleasure (or even get off) from fucking someone with it, which is made difficult by the lack of a bullet vibe pocket and the fact that the dildo’s vibrations are concentrated in its head, not its base.

But I’d happily recommend this combo to strap-on newbies, or anyone shopping for a strap on a budget, especially since the harness’s quality exceeds what I’d expect for this price point.

 

Thanks to Arosum for sending me these products to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Nothosaur Graemen fantasy dildo

Kate Sloan

Content note: Some discussion of canine sexuality.

 

Being in the media industry, I frequently receive press releases on topics that have nothing to do with my niche. Usually I just ignore these, but sometimes they’re so incongruous as to make me burst out laughing.

That’s what happened when I received an email from a company that makes dog treats. They wanted me to promote their products on my blog. Yes, this blog. The blog where I write about dildos, lipstick, and spanking. This is not a dog blog. I’ve never even owned a dog. I don’t know anything useful about dogs, nor do my readers expect dog-related content from me. What would I even write? Something about puppy-play kink? Useful kink principles adapted from dog training protocols? The best dog names that also work well as submissive honorifics? Who the fuck knows.

I sent off a reply email to the dog treats company, explaining my apprehension. But then, after hitting “send,” I glanced over at my nightstand, where I keep the toys I’m currently reviewing. There, I saw the Nothosaur Graemen, a dildo specifically designed to look like a canine dick. Oh, I thought. I guess I do write about dogs sometimes…

Anyway, this toy is lovely, and I am much more qualified to write about dildos than about dog treats, so let’s dive right in.

 

Custom size & color

The thing I love most about Nothosaur toys is the extent to which you can customize a toy to your specifications. They let me pick whatever toy I wanted (!!), so I spent far too long perusing their entire website. I eventually landed on the Graemen because I’ve been curious about these dog-inspired dildos before (for reasons I’ll get into below) but haven’t found one I’ve really loved.

Like many Nothosaur toys, the Graemen is available in five different sizes, ranging from small (3.93″ useable length x 1.44″ knot diameter) to XXL (8.07″ x 2.93″). I went with the large size, which is right in the middle: it has a useable length of 6.10″, a head diameter of 1.29″, and a knot diameter of 2.14″.

I chose the “Night Blue” colorway, which is gorgeous: the balls and base of the dick are a deep blue, while the shaft is more of a cyan shade. I love blue, so this color combo makes me really happy. That being said, you can also get this dildo made in pretty much whatever color(s) you want.

 

Firmness

Many Nothosaur toys allow you to customize the firmness of the silicone they use when making it, as well. The Graemen is only listed as being available in medium-firmness silicone, though I imagine they might be willing to custom-make one in a different firmness if you reached out to them. Nothosaur has this absolutely awesome firmness guide on their website, which features several gifs demonstrating the different firmness options, and should be helpful for anyone trying to figure out which option to go with.

Like I said, my Graemen is technically “medium” firmness, but I’d say it’s softer/squishier than that makes it sound. I’m used to using silicone dildos that are quite a bit firmer, like those made by Tantus or Uberrime. Even dual-density silicone, the likes of which is found in VixSkin dildos, tends to have a core that is significantly firmer than my Graemen.

I generally prefer dildos on the firmer side – hence my long-standing love of glass and steel toys – but I was actually glad this one was softer, because I think the shape of it would’ve felt too extreme if it was firm. When I’m aroused enough to take the whole length of this toy’s shaft, the knot fits into me easily with a bit of lube, because of how soft and squishy it is. This results in a less intense orgasm for me, because my muscles don’t encounter much resistance during the rhythmic contractions at that time, but it makes the dildo much more comfortable and adaptable to my body for the entire rest of the session before that, so it’s a trade-off I’m happy to make some of the time.

 

[chanting] dog dick dog dick DOG DICK

Okay, technically the Graemen is supposed to be the dick of a human/wolf hybrid, not a dog. But that’s still a canine. Sort of.

If you don’t know, dogs “knot” when they mate, meaning that a section near the base of their dick swells up, locking them into place for the duration of insemination. (Sorry, I’m trying to write about this in the least gross way possible without also writing dog erotica. Being a sex writer is a hell of a ride!!)

As I’ve told you before, the concept of knotting appeals to me in fantasy when applied to humans – and I’m not alone in that, as evidenced by the huge number of people reading and writing “omegaverse” fanfiction, in which knotting is a frequent feature. The idea of your own biology “forcing” you to complete the sexual act is hot to me, in a consensual-non-consent kind of way.

But also, the knot on this dildo serves a practical purpose: once it’s inside my vaginal opening, it kind of “locks in place,” making it easier for the dildo to stay deep inside me even when I’m not physically holding it there. This is great when I’m watching porn or reading erotica, or when my hands are in too much pain to keep a good grip on the base of the toy.

 

All about that A-spot stim

This dildo has a pointed tip that makes it suitable for hitting my A-spot. It doesn’t feel as intense on that spot as something firmer would, but because it’s so soft and squishy, it causes my cervix much less pain/discomfort than firmer toys can. I often have to skip A-spot stimulation at the height of my period, for instance, because my cervix gets too sensitive and angry to tolerate much poking around up there – and a dildo like this one is a great workaround at that time, because it’s so forgiving that my cervix doesn’t get mad.

 

Balls!!!

Dildos with balls are controversial. I know people who hate ’em; I know people who love ’em. Personally, I never really cared much either way until I developed fibromyalgia, at which point holding sex toys became more challenging for me at times, due to pain and muscle weakness. As a result, I appreciate toys with proper “handles” much more now than I used to, and honestly, balls can be handles. (My apologies to the testicled among you, who may be cupping your crotch protectively upon reading that. I promise I will not yank your scrotum unless you ask me to.)

The “handle” of this dildo is particularly great because it’s got some texture on it (seemingly meant to emulate wolf pubes), which enables me to keep a better grip on it even when my hands are covered in lube.

 

Final thoughts

Some orgasms feel like (the pleasurable equivalent of) getting punched in the stomach; they knock the wind out of you and are so intense they almost hurt. Orgasms with the Nothosaur Graemen are not like that for me, because the material is so squishy; they’re more like a nice hug from a friend, comforting and cozy. I can get down with that sometimes, for sure.

I’m really impressed with the broad range of products Nothosaur offers, and the customization you can do on nearly any toy in their catalogue. I mean, hell, if you like the look of the Graemen but you want it with a cum tube, they’ve got you covered. This is a company that really lets you take control of your own pleasure, and I think that’s neat.

Knotted dildos aren’t a frequent craving for me, but when I’m in the mood to use one, this is the one I’ll reach for. It’s beautiful-looking, feels great in my hand and in my cunt, and is fun to squeeze. I mean, I’ve been playing with it like a stress ball at my desk intermittently while writing this review… and honestly? I do feel less stressed than I did before!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: EdenFantasys Wonder air-pulse wand massager

Kate Sloan

Vibrators that attempt to multi-task are really hit-or-miss, I have found. Sometimes they’re a chaotic mess, their motor failing under the weight of an overstuffed feature list. And sometimes, they’re well-engineered works of art, proof that their designers’ ambitiousness has paid off.

The EdenFantasys Wonder is… a secret third thing, somehow. Let’s discuss.

 

What is the EdenFantasys Wonder?

I asked EdenFantasys to send me this toy to review because I’d never seen another one quite like it.

It’s ostensibly a wand vibrator, except that embedded in the head of the wand is a pressure-wave nozzle, the likes of which you’d find on a Womanizer-type toy. The toy’s instructions call it “membrane pulsation,” because this technology causes a thin silicone membrane to quickly rumble back and forth, creating suction within the toy’s “mouth.”

However, the “mouth” or nozzle itself is just a silicone attachment that goes over the head of the “wand” and can be removed. If you use the pulsation function without this attachment on, you get pure unadulterated rumbling against your clit (or wherever).

The “handle” of the toy is actually a vibrator, suitable for vaginal insertion (I wouldn’t call this toy anal-safe because it doesn’t have a flared base). The vibration in the handle can be controlled independently from the pulsation in the head.

 

Pulsation membrane (right) and optional attachment that goes over it (left)

Things I like about this toy

  • My clit really digs the pulsation function! It’s rumbly, satisfying, and decently strong. It reminds me of the low-to-middling settings of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, except the membrane is smaller and flatter than the PulsePlate on the Pulse Queen, so it doesn’t target my clit quite as effectively. As with most thumping/tapping toys of this kind, the Wonder’s pulsation slows down a bit when you apply pressure, but this one actually isn’t too egregious in that regard at all. I think I’d be able to reach orgasm with this pulsation function if only it had more than 3 steady speeds (see below).
  • I think it’s cool and unexpected that this toy comes with an attachment so you can vary the sensations you get from the pulsation function. It feels pretty different with versus without the attachment, and I think I generally prefer it without, as pulsation directly against my clit feels better to me than the tapping/mild suction-esque sensation I get when I use it with the attachment. Having the option to do either is a big plus, though, because it makes this toy even more versatile.
  • The insertable handle actually works really well as a dildo for me. It’s long (about 7″) and has a slight upward curve near the tip, which is the exact shape I always describe when people ask me about toys that can hit the A-spot. It’s also got some ribbed texture along the shaft, which feels good gliding back and forth against my vaginal walls as I thrust. I will say, I don’t like the vibration that the handle offers (more on that below), but when I use it with the vibration turned off, and pair it with another vibrator (or my fingers) on my clit, it feels great.
  • I find this toy refreshingly ergonomic to hold, as someone who struggles with hand pain at times. When I’m using the pulsation function on my clit, the handle fits perfectly in my hand, its ridged texture allowing me to maintain my grip even when my hands are lubey. When I flip it around and use the handle as a dildo inside me, I can place two fingers on either side of the wand’s neck, which gives me a good grip without needing to squeeze too hard (similar to the tiered handle on the dildo I designed). Initially I was a bit annoyed that this toy is shaped like a wand but isn’t a wand in the traditional sense (i.e. the head doesn’t vibrate), but I actually think the wand shape would make it easier for many people to hold and position how they want it.
  • The buttons are LED-lighted, easy to understand, satisfyingly clicky, and are positioned in an intuitive spot on the handle. Seems basic, but you would not believe how many sex toy companies fuck up buttons.
  • It’s waterproof! Hell yes!

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The main issue is that the handle’s vibration is way too buzzy. Like, uncomfortably so. No matter where I use them – on my clit, inside my vag, even just lightly grazing my labia – the vibrations feel itchy, irritating, and surface-level, because they’re just too buzzy/high-pitched.
  • The pulsation and vibration functions each have 10 settings, only the first 3 of which are steady; after that, you have to cycle through 7 additional patterns to get back to the first setting. If you’ve read my reviews before, you’ve probably heard this rant: IMO, every mechanical toy should have at least 6-8 steady settings, and patterns should always be accessed via a separate button, to prevent the annoyance of having to scroll through all of them to get back to the lowest setting. As is, there just isn’t enough gradation or variety between the 3 steady speeds of either function for me to smoothly build toward orgasm with it.
  • I ultimately don’t feel like either function is powerful enough to get me off by itself. Again, it would’ve been awesome if the company had prioritized having a wider range of steady speeds (including some stronger ones), rather than adding more patterns.

 

Final thoughts

As a multi-tasker vibe, the EdenFantasys Wonder has a lot going for it – its pulsation function is pleasurable and unusual, the inclusion of an optional attachment widens the possibilities of how this toy can feel in use, and its insertable handle makes it even more versatile somehow.

At $64.99 (at time of writing), I think the Wonder is reasonably priced for the amount of functions it has. I just wish it were more powerful, had more settings, and had rumblier vibration in the handle. One thing I know for sure: it’s not like any wand I’ve tried before, which I guess is what makes it such a Wonder.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen

Kate Sloan

I haven’t loved a new sex toy this much in a long time.

A long, LONG time.

Here’s how much I love this toy: I’ve barely used my Eroscillator since I got it. The Eroscillator is my all-time favorite sex toy, and is the vibe I normally use during at least 80% of my sex and masturbation sessions, because it gives me incredible orgasms unlike I’ve ever had with another toy.

Until the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.

 

One of Hot Octopuss’s classic penis vibes. Image via the company.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen? + some nerdy shit about sex toy history

Amongst sex toy geeks like myself, Hot Octopuss is primarily known for its penis vibrators, like the Pulse Solo Essential and the Pulse III Duo. These wrap around the penis and stimulate the frenulum. There are two main reasons these are notable: their motors are very fucking good (rumbly, strong, a range of settings), and they can be used whether your dick is hard or soft. This last point makes them more accessible than most penis toys for people with erectile dysfunction, and even for people with spinal cord injuries.

Hot Octopuss’s Pulse line uses a proprietary technology called PulsePlate, which offers “powerful, high-amplitude oscillations” rather than traditional vibration. Apparently the founder decided to develop this technology upon reading a study about penile vibration being used to elicit ejaculation in men with a spinal cord injury. The researchers found that “high-amplitude” vibrators were the most effective for triggering ejaculation, but the vibrator they used was a medical tool designed specifically for this purpose. Hot Octopuss decided to make a consumer product that could do the same thing.

“High-amplitude” means that the vibrator moves a wider distance on each rotation, rather than just buzzing in place – so basically, the sensation is more “rumbly” than a standard vibrator, and feels like it goes deeper than surface-level.

Naturally, since the penis and the clitoris are analogous to one another, it makes total sense that these oscillations would feel good on vulvas as well as dicks. That said, when Hot Octopuss initially launched a PulsePlate toy for vulvas – the Queen Bee, which I reviewed back in 2017 – it didn’t go well. The toy was too broad and flat to feel impactful on my clit, it weakened significantly when any amount of pressure was applied to it, and was egregiously loud. Other reviewers, like my friends Epiphora and Lilly, had similar grievances.

But the team at Hot Octopuss seems to have gone back to the drawing board after that, and what they came up with is so much better. I asked the company for clarification on the differences; according to them, here are some of the qualities the Pulse Queen ($99 at SheVibe) has, that the Queen Bee did not:

  • The PulsePlate is made of silicone this time (which is body-safe and non-porous), instead of TPE (which is porous)
  • The PulsePlate now has a 4 mm “peak” instead of just being flat, making it better at targeting the clitoris
  • The toy is smaller, lighter, and more ergonomic
  • The design/aesthetic has been updated
  • It’s quieter

One quibble, before we move on to my experience with this toy: Hot Octopuss is marketing the Pulse Queen as a wand, and it’s not really a wand. Wand vibes have a specific shape, functionality, and history as a category. The Pulse Queen is powerful like wands tend to be, sure, but it actually reminds me more of another classic vibe shape that dates back many years like the wand does. I think it’s more like a Wahl – some people say this type of vibe is gun-shaped, some say it’s hairdryer-shaped, but either way, it has a lineage in the vibrator space that you can trace back for decades, and I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Things I love about the Pulse Queen

PulsePlate technology (& killer orgasms): Okay, I won’t bury the lede any more than I already have. This thing makes me come so hard, so reliably, and so satisfyingly. Do you know how rare it is that I can say that about a toy I review? VERY RARE.

It’s all about that PulsePlate. The oscillations really do feel like they get deeper into my body than standard vibrations do. My whole clitoral network feels involved in the arousal and orgasms this toy gives me, from the surface-level parts of my clit to the deeply buried internal parts. I have the type of orgasms with this toy where I can still feel my entire clit pulsing and pleasantly aching for like 20-30 minutes afterward. Usually I only have that kind of orgasm when I use my beloved Eroscillator or an especially rumbly wand.

These oscillations also don’t numb me out like traditional vibrators do, or at least only minimally. This makes it easier for me to have multiple orgasms, since my sensitivity is preserved throughout the session/day. I’m not normally a very multiorgasmic gal, since it can take a lot of work/time for me to get off, but it’s noticeably easier with the Pulse Queen than with standard vibes.

I actually think the Pulse Queen is making me hornier, in that way that sometimes happens with new partners or especially great new sex toys. The way it rumbles my internal clit seems to make me more sensitive and more prone to random arousal during the day. Wild.

Range of intensities & modes: The Pulse Queen has 7 modes (steady oscillation + 6 patterns), each of which has 9 speeds. That’s a lot of variety and versatility.

The patterns are fine. I dunno. They’re patterns. I’m just not that into patterns. But there’s some rhythmic pulsing and some more erratic modes if you want ’em. Personally I just keep the toy on its steady mode.

The first speed is a gentle rumble that’s fantastic for building arousal early on. From there, it moves up in reasonable increments, topping out at a truly impressive, wand-like intensity. At its highest, I would say it’s comparable to the second speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable (on which I only ever use the first and second speeds). I don’t tend to go past the 6th speed out of 9 on the Pulse Queen, because it’s so rumbly that I just don’t need more power than that.

Pictured with my Switch

Ergonomics & ease of use: I find the Pulse Queen really easy to hold and use, compared to the Queen Bee and many other high-powered vibes. It’s got a slightly curved handle for comfort, and the oscillations don’t conduct into the handle too much. The buttons are easy to locate and press, and I almost never press the wrong one by accident. My hand and wrist don’t get tired when using the Pulse Queen, even if I’m moving it around my vulva a lot during a session. All of these qualities are hard to find in vibes this powerful, so as a vibrator connoisseur with chronic pain and hand strength issues, I’m a big fan of this toy.

Aesthetics: I squealed aloud at my computer when I received the initial press release about the Pulse Queen, because it’s so damn pretty. The turquoise color is one of my absolute favorites – hence having a Nintendo Switch Lite and a duvet cover that are the same color, among other things! – and I love the color-coordinated ombré button panel. It’s all really thoughtfully designed, and it looks gorgeous on my nightstand (or, more often, in my bed, at the ready!).

It’s fully fucking waterproof!!: It’s extremely rare for a vibrator this strong to also be waterproof. I love to jerk off in the bath when I get a chance, but I only have one wand I really love that’s waterproof (the Lelo Smart Wand 2), so usually I end up using smaller toys in the tub instead, like the We-Vibe Tango X. So, needless to say, I’m thrilled that the Pulse Queen is waterproof, and I’m sure it’ll be my bathtime companion on many future occasions.

 

Things I don’t love about the Pulse Queen

Battery life: The product page on the Hot Octopuss website says that the Pulse Queen “lasts for 40 minutes when fully charged – more than enough time for you to enjoy yourself again and again… and again.” It’s a bit strange to brag about a vibrator’s 40-minute battery life, when most rechargeable vibes at this price point will last for 90 minutes or more. I also personally couldn’t reach three orgasms in under 40 minutes as they describe, but hey, that’s me. I will say, however, that I think I’ve used my Pulse Queen for longer than 40 minutes in total without it dying – so maybe that number is based on usage at the highest speed; who knows.

Noise level: While the Pulse Queen definitely isn’t as loud as the Queen Bee was, it’s still loud, especially on the highest speeds. But I would say it’s comparable to the noise output of a standard wand. I live with a sex-positive roommate and (as mentioned) I also tend to use my Pulse Queen at the lower speeds for the most part, so this isn’t a huge issue for me personally, but it’s notable nonetheless.

Cissexism: I know the industry makes it difficult for sex toy companies to market their products successfully without resorting to cissexist terms like “for men” and “for women,” when anatomy-specific terms like “clitoral vibrator” or “penis vibrator” would be more appropriate. That being said, a note on the Hot Octopuss website says, “We are trans-aware and LGBTQ+ friendly. We are always learning,” and there’s even a whole “Sex Toys for Every Body” page on the site meant to help LGBTQ+ customers feel more included and heard. Given their stated commitment to gender-inclusivity, it’s confusing that Hot Octopuss chose to include the gendered term “queen” in the name of another toy when they didn’t have to. It may alienate some trans and nonbinary users who might otherwise enjoy the toy.

 

Final thoughts

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen has made me feel excited about masturbation again, in a way I haven’t for a while. The orgasms it gives me are intense, deeply pleasurable, and satisfying, and yet somehow they make me want more.

It remains fascinating to me that the technology used in this toy (and some other Hot Octopuss toys) was developed based on actual medical research. The company refers to its vibrators’ 33-hertz rate as “the pleasure frequency,” and I’m no vibration scientist, but my clit agrees.

At $99, this is a reasonably priced alternative to a wand. You should consider the Pulse Queen if any of the following things are true:

  • You like a lot of power, but have found wands numbing or overstimulating in the past
  • Issues with strength, mobility, or pain have made standard wands difficult for you to use
  • You’ve tried vibrators before, and are curious about what other sensations your body can experience
  • You’ve never used a vibrator before; the Pulse Queen’s oscillations range from mellow to maxed-out, so it’s a good introduction to vibes

I really love this toy, in a way that has made me remember why I started writing about sex toys in the first place. It makes me smile. It makes me moan. It makes me feel fired up for a future where everyone can access pleasure if they want to, regardless of their gender, anatomy, or (dis)ability level.

But most of all, it makes me come really, really hard – and given the relative scarcity of pleasure in our chaotic world right now, I appreciate that more than ever.

 

You can get the Pulse Queen at SheVibe for $99.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me this product! They didn’t pay me to review it. I really do just love it.