Review: Jimmyjane Intro 2

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I don’t think you quite understand the incongruity of shitty sex toy company Pipedream having bought out luxury sex toy company Jimmyjane. This is like if McDonalds bought out the Rainbow Room and started selling a deep-fried, mystery-meat bastardization of their filet mignon. This is a strange thing. This is a thing that should not have been allowed. And yet, it happened.

The Jimmyjane Intro 2 is, essentially, a deep-fried mystery-meat filet mignon of a sex toy. Pipedream took the bare bones of one of my favorite clitoral vibrators – the Form 2 – and made it cheap, battery-powered, awkwardly large, and even buzzier than before.

The Form 2 fit in my hand perfectly: small, smart and spartan. The Intro 2 is like the large-print version of the same toy – it feels unnecessarily big, to the point that I am always aware I am holding a sex toy and the vibrations can’t just melt into the periphery of my perception. This might make it a better choice than the Form 2 for people who struggle with hand dexterity – but for me, it’s just annoying.

But my main issue with the Intro 2 is the vibrations. I mean, it’s a vibrator; that’s always going to be the make-or-break factor. The Form 2 was buzzy-ish to begin with – moreso, certainly, than other blogger-revered clit vibes like the Tango and Siri 2 – but it had a rumbly base note that endeared it to my clit. The Intro 2 lacks that rumbly foundation, and is all buzz. That’s great if you like that, but I don’t. It numbs me out within a couple of minutes, leaving me to grumble gripes like “My kingdom for an Eroscillator!” and “Nah, that’s cool, I didn’t want to be able to feel my genitals or anything.”

imageThe Intro 2 also lacks my absolute favorite thing about the Form 2: a setting where the vibrations moved quickly back and forth between the toy’s two “ears,” creating what Jimmyjane termed “sensation in stereo.” To me, this setting felt more like oral sex than other toys that actually try to mimic oral sex; the vibrations flippity-flopping from one ear to the other were like the side-to-side flicking of a firm tongue. This setting’s been phased out in the Intro 2, and it really bums me out.

And we need to talk about the one button on the Intro 2, because it makes me want to throw this vibrator into a fire. Whereas the Form 2 had an elegant three-button control system (up, down, and change mode), the Intro 2 only has one button, via which you are forced to cycle through its multiple modes and speeds one by one. If there’s a particular setting or speed you love and want to get back to, you have to get through all the other ones first. No vibrator should be designed this way. Give me intuitive vibrator design or give me death.

It is, in some sense, exciting that Pipedream is trying to make fancy-ass Jimmyjane toys more accessible to lower-income folks. Not everyone can afford to spend $80+ on a luxury vibrator, and I get that. But even at a low price point, there are options that far outperform this buzzy, cumbersome facsimile. If you want a decent, rumbly clit vibe for under $50, try the Jopen L2 or Sensuelle Point. If you can afford to save up for something pricier but really excellent, grab the Tango for $79 ($71 with my discount code GIRLY10); it’s rumblier and more intuitive than anything Jimmyjane’s ever made, pre- or post-Pipedream buyout.

Babes, your clit deserves better than the Intro 2. Just like Jimmyjane deserved better than to be bought and rebranded by a company like Pipedream. Give your clit a happier ending than Jimmyjane got, please.

Thanks to Peepshow for sending me this toy to try!

Review: Liberator Jaz

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“Hang on, stop for a second, I wanna put something under my hips,” I told my beau when he’d been fucking me for a few minutes. It felt pretty good, but I wanted to feel him more: deeper, harder, more insistent. I grabbed my Liberator Jaz from beside the bed and slid it underneath me. When he pushed back inside me, everything felt instantly better for both of us. The intimacy and pleasure had both been cranked up in one fell swoop.

I used to think it was silly to spend exorbitant amounts of money on “sexual positioning aids,” when you could so easily just use pillows to achieve the same ends. However, that was before I actually tried some of these positioning aids. Sure, they’re a luxury, and regular ol’ pillows approximate the effect. But Liberator products feel effortless and exact in a way that pillows don’t. There’s no shuffling them around, fluffing them up, or stacking them on top of each other to achieve the ideal height. You just stick one where you want it and it does what it’s supposed to.

13385668_1603315256648799_542192948_nI already own a Liberator Wedge, and it’s huge. I appreciate its support when I’m reading (or blogging) in bed, but I don’t pull it out during sex that much, because it’s just awkwardly wide for my purposes. It’s great for leaning on when I’m getting fucked from behind, but I almost never use it during missionary PIV sex or masturbation because I find it takes me too long to get into position on it, due to how big and bulky it is.

The Jaz, by contrast, is about 15 inches wide to the Wedge’s 24. It’s like the difference between tongs and tweezers when you’re trying to tame your eyebrows. I certainly don’t mean to throw shade at the Wedge or folks who use it, but the Jaz is just soooo much better suited to how I tend to have sex. It’s small and convenient enough that I actually use it, instead of thinking, “Nah, that’d be too much work and take too long, so I’ll just keep getting fucked flat on the bed even though I want a better angle.”

Speaking of angles… There is a difference between the Wedge and the Jaz in that category too, and it’s subtle but important. The Wedge’s angle is supposedly 27 degrees, and the Jaz’s is slightly less steep than that. For my particular body, the Wedge feels a leeeetle bit too high, tipping my hips so my belly and ribs feel squished. The Jaz’s angle is marginally gentler and I love it.

The Jaz also has the benefit of being substantially cheaper ($59) than the Wedge ($90). It has one of the most reasonable price tags in the whole Liberator catalogue. Yay!

As with most Liberator products, the outer fabric casing of the Jaz can be zipped off and laundered. It has a moisture-resistant liner so it can contend with your squirt and lube, but if you tend to really soak the bed, you might wanna toss a Throe over top for convenience’s sake. My Jaz’s microsuede material is soft and comfortable to the touch, but grippy enough that it doesn’t slide around when I’m getting fucked on it.

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Here, ranked, are my favorite uses for the Jaz:

  1. Under my butt while getting fucked in missionary. This is truly primo. It allows my partner to get super deep inside me, pressing deliciously against my G-spot and A-spot as he does so. It also makes it easier for him to leave a little room between us, so I can use my fingers or a vibe on my clit to get myself off. But if he does drop his body down onto mine so we’re pressed together, it feels like we get even closer and more intertwined than we do without the Jaz. My hips push up against his with no effort on my part, and everything feels better and more intense.
  2. Under my butt while a partner goes down on me. It’s like my vulva is being served to him on a silver platter, except the platter is made of hot pink microsuede. Some partners have also told me there’s less of a strain on their neck or jaw when I use a positioning aid during oral sex.
  3. Under my hips and lower belly while getting fucked from behind. My partner can stand at the edge of the bed to fuck me this way, or just lie on top of me. These positions create intense G-spot sensations on their own, but the addition of the Jaz makes them even more mindblowing. Elevating my hips also allows my partner to get in there deeper – always a plus for me, what with my love of A-spot stimulation.
  4. Under my hips and lower belly while getting spanked. This creates a butt-exhibiting elevation similar to when I’m draped over a partner’s knees. There is something so vulnerable and hot about having your ass in the air and ripe for a smackin’.
  5. Under my butt while getting fingerbanged or pounded with a toy. Angling is less of a struggle with fingers and toys than it is with a penis, but somehow the Jaz still manages to make these acts feel more intense to me.
  6. Under my butt while masturbating. My hips get tilted toward me so I have easier access to my clit and vag, even with my chubby belly in the way. I particularly like to use the Jaz for masturbation sessions I know will be marathons, involving lots of hard and fast thrusting. I can go for much longer when I don’t have to strain to reach the toy I’m fucking myself with.

I haven’t yet had the opportunity to use the Jaz during blowjobs or anal sex, but I’d imagine it would help with those things too. Basically it’s a genius invention, so simple and yet infinitely useful. I adore my Liberator Jaz and I know I’ll use it for many years to come!

 

No one sent me this product to review. I bought one my own damn self because I wanted it that much!

Review: Rouge Garments Red Padded Collar

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned from practicing kink, it’s that there’s no such thing as objectively good or objectively bad.

What I like might gross you out. What you like might hurt me too much. What I hate might make you laugh. What you hate might turn me on. When it comes to kink, one man’s trash is another man’s pleasure.

I thought about that a lot while trying the Rouge Garments red padded collar I was sent by Bondage Bunnies. It’s awkwardly wide (2.75 inches, to be precise), making it feel like a neck brace when I wear it. The thick padding seems like it would increase comfort, but it actually makes the collar bulkier and more restrictive. The collar’s thickness and rigidness make it difficult to turn my head while it’s on me. Its clasp is difficult to undo on my own, often taking several minutes of pushing, pulling, sweating and swearing before it’ll pop free.

imageBut look at that list of defects again, and you’ll see that this collar is surely exactly what some people are looking for. Bondage toys are, by their nature, meant to be restrictive and uncomfortable; it’s just that some people like more extreme levels of restriction and discomfort than others. For me, this collar was too much; for some folks, it’d be ideal.

My relationship to collars is, I will admit, somewhat frivolous. Aside from this one, I also own a pink and black Aslan Leather collar and one from Ardene that is technically a dog collar. For the most part, I consider them fashion accessories – but in a deeper sense, I do think of the Aslan one as “my collar.” I put it on when I’m feeling subby and want the sense of calm I get from wearing it – or when a dom partner tells me to.

My Aslan collar is suitable for both everyday wear and kink play, because it’s unobtrusive and not especially over-the-top. Wearing it in public makes me look more like a goth babe or a fashion-forward scene kid than a full-on kinkster. Its 1.5″ width is noticeable without being annoying, and it’s made of leather so soft and pliable that it’s always comfortable.

None of that is true for the Rouge Garments collar – but I know some people want to notice their collar when it’s on, want to be aware of it at every moment, want to be constricted by its insistent bulk. And to those people, I say: I will not yuck your yum, although it isn’t mine.

 

Thanks to Bondage Bunnies for sending me this product to review!

Review: Godemiche Adam

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It takes a lot for a sex toy to get my attention these days. There comes a point where they all start to blend together. But when you’re offered an 8″ hunk of swirled green and yellow silicone from an up-and-coming company, you say yes. Or I do, anyway.

I actually gasped out loud when the folks at SheVibe emailed me about the Godemiche Adam. The colors are arresting. The colorway I own is called “Gamma Ray” but the toy also comes in “Phoenix Rising,” “Purple Phantom,” and “Gold Member.” If you wanna feel like an alien queen from Planet Glitterfemme, you could also get one in sparkly pink. (There aren’t enough heart-eyes emojis in the world for this shit, frankly.)

Shape-wise, I wasn’t expecting the Adam to do much for me. Its shaft is straight all the way along, and I typically prefer toys with a curve: a big curve for my G-spot, or a small curve for my A-spot. However, I was pleasantly surprised by what the Adam can accomplish.

imageIts coronal ridge is relentless. This is the type of drastic ridge that can either feel fantastic or painful, depending on your anatomy (and your level of arousal). When I’m properly turned on and lubed up, that ridge slides across my G-spot with every thrust, pushing and pulling against it until I feel like I might burst and/or squirt. But there are definitely times when I’m less aroused and it just feels like some sharp-nailed femme is ineptly fingering me. Be extra sure to take your time warming up for this dildo, unless you’re a total pro. And pour water-based lube on that sucker.

My Adam is the 8″ version. Godemiche also makes a 6″ Adam, but I’m glad I went for the longer one; I figured it’d stand a better chance of hitting my A-spot, and I was right. The tip is slightly tapered, so it makes delightful A-spot contact when I slide the toy inside me as deep as it’ll go. In fact, if I thrust the toy just so, I can get it to hit my G-spot on the outstroke and my A-spot on the instroke. Aaaamazing.

After the head and coronal ridge, the rest of Adam’s shaft is straight and uniform. Its 1.8″ diameter makes it feel deliciously substantial when I’m coming around it, but sometimes in the lead-up to orgasm, my vagina wishes there was a little more texture on that shaft. Veins, ripples, a foreskin ridge, whatever. If you’re a texture fiend, you might be bored by the Adam.

The silicone itself is one of the firmer formulations I’ve encountered. It might be partly because of how thick and substantial the Adam is, but I get barely any squish or bend out of it. That’s fine with me, since my internal erogenous zones tend to like pressure. However, if you’re looking for something more forgiving and gentle, I’d recommend VixSkin instead.

Overall, though, I was surprised by how much I like the Godemiche Adam. To the naked eye, it looks like a pretty standard realistic dildo, albeit more psychedelic than the average dong. But it actually strikes a delicate balance that a lot of dildos don’t: it hits my G-spot wonderfully, is long enough to get up in my A-spot, has enough heft to feel satisfying without feeling overwhelming, and is easy to thrust fast (which I do, a lot). And it looks beautiful in my pink harness. Dammit, Godemiche; you made this grizzled old dildo veteran feel something again. Something like love.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for providing me with this toy to review!

I Stuck a Shoe in My Ass So You Don’t Have To (Unless You Really, Really Want To)

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When you’re known as a femme sex blogger, people constantly send you links to sexy femme things. Rhinestoned vibrators. Penis-shaped lipsticks. And – most intriguingly to me – leather pumps whose heels are butt plugs.

I’ve been mutual Twitter followers with the proprietor of Ainsley-T for a while, and earlier this year, they offered me a pair to review. My approach to sex toy reviewing lately is based more on what I think’ll be weird than what I think’ll be good, so of course, I said yes immediately. Not too long thereafter, a package arrived in the mail for me containing what is now, no doubt, the oddest pair of shoes I own. (And I say that as someone who owns heels with cartoon duelling snakes hand-painted on them.)

My Ainsley-T Plug Pumps are black, sexy, and powerful. The heel itself is glossy, while the shoe’s upper is a more matte calfskin. I requested a European size 39 for my U.S.-size-8 feet, and they fit well: not so loose as to slide off when I walk, and not so tight as to pinch.

Despite my other femme proclivities, I am not a “heels person.” Wearing heels for any length of time annoys the shit out of me. I can hobble around in my Sofft T-straps or padded Naturalizer pumps for a few hours if need be, but I’d rather not; stick me in some harness boots or leather flats and I’m a happy, comfy, ambulatory little princess. So I wasn’t expecting to like the Plug Pumps as actual shoes, and I don’t. The heels are perplexingly, fetishistically high – 5.9 inches, with a 1.8-inch platform – and walking on them makes me feel like I’m teetering on some very kinky stilts. I’m also not particularly a fan of the severe square toe – give me almond-toe or give me death!! – but I can see how others would be into that aesthetic.

So, since wearing these shoes on my feet isn’t an appealing option, obviously I shoved one in my ass.

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Let me be clear. I did not shove the whole shoe in my ass. That would be quite a feat (heyooo, see what I did there?!). But even taking the heel of this pump proved to be quite a challenge. Luckily, I’m a sex toy reviewer – I’m used to sticking strange things in my holes.

I started my testing session with the Plug Pumps by watching a porn scene in which a deliciously femmed-up Tina Horn dominates a pathetically trussed-up Danny Wylde. I chose this because I happened to have it stored on my phone and was feeling lazy, but it proved to be an ideal choice: Tina towers over Danny in high heels throughout the scene, allowing me to fantasize about mean, toppy femmes as I proceeded with my masturbatory adventure.

I began by trying the heel in my vagina. With no added lube or protection of any kind, I slid it in. You probably shouldn’t try this at home, kids. The Ainsley-T site specifically says, “We recommend the use of a condom if the footwear is to be used for anal or vaginal play,” because the heels are made of a lacquered ABS that’s presumably not as orifice-safe as, say, silicone or steel. My contact at Ainsley-T told me the finish isn’t porous, but that he wanted people to be able to use the shoe “without requiring excessive bravery.” So, wrap that shit up, friends.

The heel didn’t feel like much in my vag. I wouldn’t expect it to; it has a diameter of just 1.4″ and my vagina is on some next-level shit. But it was a good warm-up while I got myself turned on with porn and a vibe, and it gave me more confidence in my ability to stick the heel in my ass next.

I lubed the heel and went to slide it into my butt… which was more difficult than anticipated. You don’t fully appreciate ergonomic butt plugs until you’ve tried to insert a plug that has a fucking shoe attached to it. Each time I inserted or re-inserted it, it took me several tries to get the angle right – and once the heel did find its way inside me, holding and thrusting it by the vamp was awkward-bordering-on-impossible. Plus, the toe and platform rest right over my clit when the plug’s all the way inside me, making added clit stimulation difficult. Eventually I flipped the shoe around so the toe was closer to my tailbone than my clit – that gave me more room for vibes or fingers, and the shoe was easier to maneuver that way.

Now, keep in mind, this shoe wasn’t designed for masturbation. I get the feeling the target audience is dominant femmey types who want to fuck their subs’ asses and/or engage in general shoe worship, at least judging by the promotional images on the product page. But I told the Ainsley-T dude I’d review his shoes the same way I’d review any sex toy, so that’s what I’m doin’.

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My usual lying-flat-on-my-back position doesn’t work great for butt stuff, and even with my Jaz under my hips, the shoe was too awkwardly large to use the plug that way. For a while, I sat perched on the edge of my desk chair, knees bent high for better butt access, but that grew uncomfortable too. So I settled onto all fours, the shoe’s sole resting on my lower back while its heel was buried in my ass.

Grinding my clit against my Magic Wand in this position, everything actually started to feel pretty good. I made little mewls of pleasure while fantasizing about Tina Horn shoe-fucking me (or… shoe-Horn-ing me, if you will). The heel’s moderate diameter felt just right, and the narrower shaft below the plug’s swollen middle gave my butt muscles something pleasant to clench around. I began to think I might actually have an orgasm.

But then… the heel slid out of my ass. I squealed “Noooo!” and grabbed it up again, re-lubed, and re-inserted. This kept happening, though. I don’t know if a wider diameter would help or hinder this problem. In any case, like I said before, most people using this product will have another person’s foot/leg/body holding the shoe where it’s supposed to be, so I can’t fault the heel for repeatedly falling out of me.

I eventually MacGyvered a system where my face and arms were braced against my Liberator Wedge while the sole of the shoe was settled flat against my Jaz. This worked brilliantly for me, but, y’know, that’s a lot of expensive positioning equipment and you could probably replicate the effect with a plethora of firm pillows. With the shoe securely pressed against my Jaz, I was able to wriggle and gyrate against it while I buzzed my clit with the Magic Wand, and that gave me the sensation of actually being fucked. (It helped that the only time I’ve actually been fucked in the ass, I was in the same position, using the same vibe. Hellooo, fantasies about handsome gentleman fuckpal.)

Some minutes later, I had an orgasm, and it was loud and weird and good. But my hips tilted forward to make firmer contact with the Hitachi, and this allowed my pelvic muscle contractions to eject the heel from my ass at top speed. It was as if the shoe was crying, “Finally! I can go back to just being a shoe!”

As I lay there in a sweaty heap on top of my Liberators, a lube-drizzled pump beneath me and a vibrator tucked in the crook of my arm, I reflected on what a weird life sex toy reviewers lead. In no other line of work would anyone be expected to stick a piece of footwear in their butthole and then write about it in salient detail. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Thank you so much to Ainsley-T for sending me these gorgeous shoes, and for having a terrific sense of humor about me wanting to review them as a sex toy. It’s companies like this one that make toy reviewing such a fun endeavor, I tells ya.