Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Tantus Sam

Kate Sloan

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Last year, I had a fuckbuddy who would tease me about being a size queen. I’d show up at his house toting my Eleven or my Double Trouble, and he’d jibe, “You seem to like big toys.” This always made me blush and deny his assertion, because there’s a certain amount of stigma that comes with being a size queen… but the other reason I disagreed with him was that his comment wasn’t quite right. I don’t like big toys; I like toys that hit my internal erogenous zones really well. And while girth or length can help with that, they certainly don’t guarantee it.

I thought about this a lot while testing the Tantus Sam, a new addition to Tantus’ outstanding line of dual-density silicone toys. The Sam was marketed explicitly toward fans of large toys. At 1.8″ in diameter and 7.3″ long, it is indeed pretty huge. Not the biggest I’ve had, but still substantial. However, for all its enormity, it barely even does what I need a dildo to do: hit my favorite internal spots.

imageThe texture of the Sam’s shaft is ridged with veins. They’re highly realistic-looking, continuing Tantus’ pattern of producing gorgeously convincing realistic dildos over the past few years. While the veins drag across my G-spot with every thrust, they also drag across my whole vaginal wall, so the stimulation doesn’t feel targeted. If I don’t use enough lube (or don’t reapply often enough), this texture can even feel abrasive.

The significant length of the Sam means I can’t get it all the way into me – not even close. When shoved in as far as it’ll go, the toy’s tip nudges my A-spot, but it’s not tapered enough to really get up in there. Sometimes I bash into my cervix with it when I try.

The toy’s coronal ridge frequently irritates my vag, catching on skin – just for a second, but for long enough that I register pain and get pulled out of the moment.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve had some fabulous orgasms with the Sam. But it’s made me realize something about the way my vagina operates. Girthy penetration intensifies my actual orgasm, giving me something to squeeze around when those involuntary muscle contractions hit – but for the build-up to orgasm to feel good and get fast-tracked, I need a toy that hits my spots. Girth alone isn’t enough to make my vagina sit up, shut up and pay attention.

imageI think you’d love the Tantus Sam if your orifices like feeling filled up with something thick, and you’re not too bothered about targeting specific areas inside you. But if you want something realistic that can multitask a little better, I’d recommend the Uncut #1, Adam, or Maverick. They’re all in the same size range as the Sam but have curves and better-shaped heads for stroking G-spots or prostates. And none of them share a name with my dad, unlike the Sam.

Thanks for sending me this toy to try, Tantus!

Review: Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble

Kate Sloan

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Did someone break into the penthouse of my vagina and steal the blueprints? Because the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble feels like it was designed just for me.

My vagina hungers for it. It can’t make up its mind which side is better. “Tonight I want the smaller side,” I’ll think, and insert that slightly slimmer end until it slides all up into my A-spot. That fuck-yeah feeling of deep pressure and rhythm seems like everything I could possibly want… until I remember that the toy’s other side exists.

I flip it around and push the big side into me, turning it sideways at first so it’ll fit. It finds my G-spot with alarming ease. It’s like a little fist, so round and firm, exerting pressure in places I didn’t even know I needed it. I rock it against my G-spot fast until I squirt, and still I want more. So I flip the toy back around. And again. And again.

This is how every session with my Double Trouble seems to go: a slow, jagged, delicious ascent toward orgasm, unable to decide what kind of stimulation the toy provides best. It’s the Renaissance man of my vagina. And it was appallingly expensive, but in the sticky heat of the moment, I don’t remember or care.

imageI first tried a Double Trouble at Bex‘s house. They were borrowing Caitlin‘s, which is the standard inky-black color that the DT usually comes in. While Bex and Penny chatted in the next room, I retreated to the air mattress Bex had set up for me in their office, pilfered some lube, and settled in with the Double Trouble. It felt luxurious and heavy and huge, and I didn’t think my vagina would like it as much as my eyes did, but I was wrong. I was also, admittedly, very drunk (I had been out cavorting with a friend earlier in the evening), which made me wonder if perhaps I was experiencing the toy with a rose-tinted vagina.

I immediately noticed that the A-spot stimulation I could get from the DT’s smaller end was excellent, and it made me come super hard in combination with my trusty Tango. But the larger end wouldn’t fit inside me at all, which I decided was a dealbreaker, especially given how expensive the toy is. It took a lot of willpower not to place a drunken order from the Fucking Sculptures website that very night, but those drawbacks were enough to keep me from hitting the “Add to Cart” button. (Well, let’s be real, I think I did hit “Add to Cart” but at least I didn’t hit “Check Out.”)

However, in subsequent months, I started to notice that all my favorite dildos du jour were massive and S-shaped. And I kept casting my mind back to that debauched night on Bex’s air mattress. On Twitter, I complained about not being able to afford the dildo of my dreams – and within 24 hours, I got booked for two cam shows with kindly horny men who wanted to fund my dildo habit in exchange for some saucy Skype time. The internet is magic, y’all.

imageMy lascivious benefactors only covered about half the cost of the toy, but that was enough to justify it for me – especially since Fucking Sculptures was having a sale at the time. I emailed Maria, co-owner of the company, to ask if she happened to have any Double Troubles left from the limited-edition, sky-blue “Dreamy Daze” batch that had been made back in May. As it turned out, she had exactly one left. And if you know me, you know that I love blue sex toys. So that sealed the deal. I ordered it on the spot.

Courtney Trouble has said that they designed the Double Trouble to be “a representation of a cunt from the inside out,” and that’s totally what it feels like to me. It fills the hungry void that my vagina sometimes becomes, and presses against the exact spots where I want pressure.

imageThe smaller end is the one I use the most – and I’m using the word “smaller” pretty loosely here, because it’s still big; it’s just more tapered and pointed, so it’s easy to insert even if I haven’t warmed myself up or used any lube. (My vagina is a professional, though, so your mileage may vary. Go forth and lubricate, my friends!) It has the mild curve and slightly narrowed tip that tends to work well for hitting my A-spot, and indeed, it does so fantastically. I just need to push down on the other end a little bit to get the angle right. I’ve even taught a few partners how to do this, and it seems to be a fairly easy toy to fuck someone with: despite how deep I like my Double Trouble inserted, I’ve yet to have a partner painfully bump my cervix with it, because the curve and taper are just right.

I like the bigger end too, but I have to be in the right mood for it. As I’ve mentioned here before, intense G-spot stimulation isn’t really my jam; sometimes I crave it but mostly I can take it or leave it. However, when that’s what I want, this end can totally deliver. It’s enormous and has no taper, so I have to turn it sideways to get it into me, but once it’s in, it’s comfortable (not like my so-intense-it’s-almost-painful Seaside Steamroller). The angle is not as drastic as something like the Seduction or Comet Wand, so the most adamant of G-spotting fans may not be pleased with it, but it works well for my body.

Fucking Sculptures makes their toys out of soda lime glass, which is heavier than the borosilicate often used for cheaper, mass-produced glass toys. As you might have noticed, the Double Trouble is gigantic, so it’s pretty heavy: about 1.75 lbs. I’m used to thrusting heavy toys (my beloved Eleven is 2.75 lbs) so this doesn’t bother me unless I’m using the toy for a long period of time and my muscles start to tire. But if you have any mobility or strength issues in your arms, wrists or hands, you will definitely hate the Double Trouble.

But me? I definitely love it. If my vagina and this dildo both had OkCupid accounts, their compatibility percentage would be 99%. And they would exchange flirty messages that quickly became explicit. And then they would go on a drinks-date, banter wittily for a few minutes, and retire to the Double Trouble‘s apartment for some raucous, sweaty sex.

 

You can buy the Double Trouble at SheVibe! And you should, ’cause it’s the fucking bomb!

Review: Shibari Mini Halo Wand

Kate Sloan

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I wanted to like the Shibari Mini Halo Wand. And there is so much that I do like about it. But it has a fatal flaw that I just can’t get past, no matter how much I try to convince myself it doesn’t matter.

So let’s get the Mini Halo’s hamartia out of the way right off the top. When you turn it on, it starts at the strongest vibration speed. If you want to get to the lowest speed instead, you have to hit the “change speed” button eight times.

Please take a moment to visualize yourself trying to press a vibrator’s button exactly eight times in the middle of a masturbation session – no more, no less. And then imagine yourself needing to do that multiple times during any given session. And then imagine yourself throwing the vibrator across the room in a fit of rage. Congratulations, you have just experienced a fraction of the aggravation I endured while trying to test the Shibari Mini Halo Wand.

See, when I use vibrators, I always begin at the lowest speed. My clit is sensitive so I need to start gentle and ramp up from there. If I start at a moderate or high power level, not only will it feel painful and uncomfortable, but it’ll also get me real numb real fast. And that significantly lowers my likelihood of reaching orgasm. So the lowest speed is the way to go, at least at first.

If you read that last paragraph and thought, “That’s not just you, GJ – that’s how most people use vibrators,” well, yes, I think you’re probably right. Which is why it’s so annoying that Shibari chose to design their wand this way. I could understand having the wand remember the speed you used last time and starting there, like the Doxy Wand does; I could even understand having the wand start at the top speed if there was also a “go to the lowest speed” button, to make that process instantaneous. But there isn’t. You gotta hit that middle button eight fucking times to get it to speed number one.

If it seems like I’m harping on this a lot, that’s because I am. And also because it irritates the fuck out of me. This wand could have been so great if not for this one issue.

The Mini Halo is a wonderful size for a wand vibrator. It fits in my hand comfortably, and is large enough to feel impactful but small enough to fit into a purse. The head is shaped such that you can get broad or narrower stimulation depending on how you angle it. The vibe feels solidly constructed, but retails for just $59, less than lots of “fancier” wands on the market.

The vibrations are excellent. They are deep, rumbly and penetrating. The intervals between each of the eight speeds are small, so the cranking-up process feels smooth and gradual rather than jumpy or jarring. The toy is rechargeable and holds its charge for a long time – I’ve had mine for over three months and have only needed to charge it once in that period. Although, admittedly, I probably only used it 7 or 8 times before deciding the deep, strong orgasms it delivers aren’t worth the hassle of dealing with its tragic flaw.

If you want a rechargeable wand vibe, get the Magic Wand, Iconic Wand or PalmPower. If you just want a strong, rumbly, awesome vibrator, get the We-Vibe Tango, Lelo Siri 2 or (again) Magic Wand. If you think you can forgive the Shibari Mini Halo for its major defect, then go for it, because it’s otherwise a top-notch toy – but as for me, I am far too lazy and uncoordinated to press a button exactly eight times after each and every instance of turning my vibrator on.

 

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me this vibe to review!

Review: Pleasure Works Cadet

Kate Sloan

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Sometimes you meet someone who seems perfect on paper, but there’s just no spark in person. They’re smart, funny, sweet, ambitious, adventurous, creative, charming, and a genuine pleasure to be around – but you just can’t muster up a sexual attraction to them. It’s frustrating as hell, and sometimes it can keep you from firmly rejecting the person, because they deserve to be wanted and you want to want them but you just… don’t.

That’s how I feel about the Pleasure Works Cadet. It’s a perfectly fine dildo that deserves love, from somebody, someday. But it’s not getting any love from me, hard as I might try.

The Cadet is made of silicone that has a little squish: it’s bendier than O2 but significantly firmer than VixSkin. It has a mild, strange scent and taste that remind me of the chocolate from advent calendars (?!). Its base is substantial and makes it anal-safe and harness-compatible, and it’s long enough (6.5″) that you won’t render it too short by strapping it into a harness.

The 1.6″ diameter feels ideal to me. I don’t need to warm up or stretch myself open before I take it, but it’s girthy enough that squeezing around it feels satisfying.

imageThere’s some raised veins on the shaft, but they’re pretty mild so my vag barely registers them. The head has some weird ridgy texture on it, which Bex told me bothers her but which I can hardly feel. (I should note, however, that my vag has historically not been all that sensitive to texture. If you are, you might dislike this like Bex does.) The coronal ridge is definitely noticeable in use but it’s not exaggerated; mostly it just reminds me of an average penis… which unfortunately means that it barely hits my G-spot. In fact, I only seem to get decent G-spot stimulation with this toy if I thrust it very fast.

And that’s a problem I have with the Cadet: thrusting it fast takes effort. The textured shaft and draggy silicone create resistance, and I find the base hard to grip if I’m trying to pound myself at a decent clip. Adding more lube helps a little, but I hardly ever seem to gather the speed and momentum I want. And when I do manage it, usually my wrist hurts like hell afterward.

imageI thought I’d like the Cadet because it’s theoretically long enough to hit my A-spot – usually toys need to be about 6″ or longer to reach that deep inside me. But nope, it doesn’t even do that. The head is just slightly too wide and blunt to slide past my cervix into that pleasurable nook. When I push the Cadet all the way into me, it feels so close and yet so far. Dammit.

So, while I’ve had some pretty good orgasms with the Cadet, it’s never going to be a favorite of mine. It barely hits my favorite spots, even when I run myself ragged trying to thrust it at top speed. If you’re looking for an average-sized, realistic, silicone cock for strap-on purposes or otherwise, I’d recommend the Tantus Uncut #1, Vixen Leo or Mustang instead. They all make my vagina way happier than the Cadet.

Sorry, pal. I tried. But it’s not me, it’s you.

 

Thanks for sending me this toy, SheVibe!

Review: Doxy Wand

Kate Sloan

imageAround Christmastime, Carolyn from Betty’s Toy Box delivered me a Doxy Wand and some homemade holiday cookies, in a big gift bag with a kitten on the front. It was honestly one of the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever received – and not just because her cookies are off the chain. No, as good as those cookies were, the real star of the show was the vibrator. It turned out to be even better than I’d hoped.

See, I’d been hearing increasingly good things about the Doxy. JoEllen, Lilly, Potter and David all raved about this wand’s power and ease of use. Plenty of reviewers have said they prefer their Doxy over the Magic Wand, which is a bit like saying “This ketchup is better than Heinz” – I won’t entirely believe you, but I will at least listen to your reasoning.

The Hitachi Magic Wand kickstarted the entire wand genre of vibrators, and let’s be real: few of them even approach the excellence of the Hitachi. I like the adjustable dial on my Bodywand, but its ridged head annoys my clit and it’s louder than I prefer. The Lelo Smart Wand is elegant, ergonomic and rumbly, but mine died completely after about a year so it’s basically just a beautiful paperweight at this point. I like the small size and comfy handle of the Jimmyjane Iconic Wand, but its controls are in a weird spot and the rounded head makes pinpoint stimulation impossible.

As you can see, many companies have tried to improve upon the Magic Wand, but it never seems to go quite right. The Doxy, on the other hand, actually does feel like a better Magic Wand in many ways. That’s pretty remarkable.

A caveat: the Doxy’s never going to dethrone the Magic Wand Rechargeable as my go-to wand, simply because it’s not rechargeable. You’re chained to an outlet while you’re using the Doxy. The length of its cord is generous, but I still prefer the cordless experience of the MWR. That said, the Doxy’s fucking rad, and let me tell you why…

First off: it’s RUMBLY AS HELL. This is so, so, so important to me, and to many other vibrator users I know. My main complaint with the original Hitachi is its numbing buzziness – I like to be able to feel my genitals while I’m having an orgasm, thank you very much! – so I adore and appreciate rumblier wands. The Doxy’s vibrations stimulate my internal clitoris, not just the skin on the surface, and that results in deeper, stronger orgasms and less numbness. Yum, yay, yes please.

The buttons on the Doxy are huge, clearly labeled, and easy to press. They are like the “large-print books” of vibrator buttons. One turns the toy on and off, and the other two increase and decrease the speed. Occasionally my “+” button gets stuck if I press it too hard, which makes the vibe skip up a couple settings instead of just moving to the next one; this is mildly annoying but seems to happen less often the more that I’ve used the toy.

The head of the Doxy is made of a squishy PVC. It’s probably porous, so you should put a condom (or silicone attachment) on it if you want to share it with non-fluid-bonded partners. The head has a lot of give to it, so if you like to press vibrators hard against your body, you might find the squishiness annoying. I tend to hold my vibes very lightly against my clit so I haven’t run into this issue, but it’s something to keep in mind.

We need to talk about the various settings on the Doxy. The first one has been a particular source of fascination for me: it’s so low, it’s laughable. If you judged the wand’s value by this speed, you’d think it was poorly designed, because the toy’s handle conducts the vibrations waaay more than the head does. But that first speed is the only one for which that’s the case. (Don’t ask me why, I’m not a vibrator engineer!)

The second speed is the one that makes me come, 90% of the time. It’s a significant jump up from the first, which annoys me sometimes, but then I just hold it adjacent to my clit until I’m ready for more direct vibration and it works out fine.

I’m not typically a “power queen,” so the second speed is usually as much power as I need. But there are several stronger settings above it, and it’s good to know they’re there. Everyone should have a super-strong vibrator around, in case of those days when your genitals just aren’t very responsive and you want to blast yourself into orgasm.

The Doxy is basically what would happen if the Magic Wand and the Wahl had a baby together. It’s got the shape and controls of a standard wand, and the jackhammer-y rumbliness that I love about the Wahl. I still prefer vibrators with a more pinpointed shape, because my clit is an attention hog and would rather have all the vibration to itself than share it with my labia. But if you like broad stimulation and rumbly vibration, I think you would adore the Doxy Wand. It is the high-powered, effective, sleek, modern wand vibrator we need – nay, deserve – in 2016.

 

Thanks to Betty’s Toy Box for hooking me up with this toy!