Sex Toy Reviews

Three Cheers for Foreskins!: Tantus’ New Uncut Dildos

Kate Sloan

My Twitter stream is always full of sex toy photos, so you’d think I’d be desensitized to them – but when I saw the pictures of Tantus’ new Uncut dildos, I actually moaned out loud.

Foreskins are my jam, dude. I would never kick a guy out of bed for being circumcised – it’s not his fault, after all, and penises are wonderful regardless of their accoutrements – but if I’m honest with myself, I’d rather fuck dudes who are intact. Visually and tactilely, for me, foreskins are where it’s at.

So, yeah, I’m pretty damn excited about Tantus’ new offerings: the medium-sized Uncut 1 and mega-sized Uncut 2.

They’re both made of Tantus’ exquisite dual-density silicone, which pairs with the dildos’ realistic appearance to create a truly lifelike experience. They come in three different (beautiful) skin tones. Oh, Tantus. You sure know how to spoil us.

Mainly what excites me about these toys is that they could help to normalize – and eroticize – intact penises. In North America, it’s heartbreakingly common for uncircumcised guys to feel insecure about what makes them different, even though their anatomy is, of course, totally natural. Just as I perk up a little when I see chubby ladies rocking their sexy-ass curves, I hope that uncut guys will see these dildos and feel terrific about their package!

The future is here, folks: sex toys exist which represent real, diverse bodies. What other kinds of sex toys would you like to see in the future?

(This post wasn’t sponsored. I really am that enthusiastic about foreskins.)

10 Reasons Everyone Should Own a Magic Wand

Kate Sloan

It’s strange when a legendary entity changes its name. It’s like that horrible moment in 2008 when I thought I was going to have to start calling Beyoncé “Sasha Fierce.” I mean… she’s Beyoncé. Come on.

That’s how I felt when one of the most famous sex toys in the known universe had its name changed from the Hitachi Magic Wand to simply the Magic Wand.

Of course, I still call it “the Hitachi” around other sex toy geeks. Just like how Prince’s friends probably still called him Prince even when he was using an unpronounceable symbol as his moniker. “Whatever, Prince,” they probably said to him before leaping into his swimming pool full of purple beachballs, or whatever the hell Prince’s friends do when they visit his house.

Anyway… Here are 10 reasons why owning a Hitachi – excuse me, Magic Wand – is imperative to your existence, regardless of what genitals you have or what kind of person you tend to fuck.

1. Let’s face it: it will probably make you come. This, of course, is why it’s endured as a sex toy legend for as long as it has: it simply creates more sensation than almost every other vibrator on the market. It’s ridiculously, appallingly strong. Hold it on your clit or your cock or maybe even your inner thigh or perineum or buttcheek and it’s quite likely you’ll get off in short order, or at least get quite turned on.

2. Clothing removal is not required. How many of your sex toys can you say that about? I can’t count the number of times I’ve whipped out my Magic Wand simply because I was too lazy to take off my pants, and it’s worked. It feels futuristic, ultra-convenient, too good to be true: an orgasm machine that causes minimal inconvenience. Yes, please.

3. It soothes sore muscles. Oh yeah, this is actually what it was designed to do. The quest for orgasm has led to the Magic Wand’s original purpose being bastardized, to the point that Hitachi divested itself of the property – but that doesn’t mean you can’t kick it old-school and use your Magic Wand on your actual, non-sexual muscles. Press it to your back, shoulders, neck, whatever, and feel the tension dissolve. Mmm.

4. It is the bomb dot com for period pains. I am using the phrase “period pains” in the most general sense here. Got cramps? Press the Magic Wand against your womb area until that clenching hellfire numbs out a little. Got overall aches and pains because periods are fucking miserable? Ditto: put the wand where you need it. Feel lethargic, sad, deadened, or otherwise in need of a mid-period pick-me-up? Wring an orgasm or two out of the wand and I am 87% sure you’ll feel better when you’re done. The Magic Wand is basically one big fuck-you to periods, which, hell yeah.

5. You can use it around the world. Well, anywhere there are working outlets, that is. Grab an outlet adaptor for wherever you’re visiting, or if you’re Europe-bound, pick up the UK version of the wand before you go. The wand may not be a suitcase space-saver, but if a customs agent rips apart your bag and lobs nosy questions at you in the security line, you can calmly tell him that the white and blue monster is for your “neck pain.” Haters gonna hate.

6. It’s basically a white noise machine. Okay, I’m not advocating that you leave your wand running all night while you sleep, unless fire hazards turn you on (no, seriously, don’t do this). But I am saying that if you ever feel weird about moaning into a silent room, the Magic Wand can sorta help with that. It gives you a baseline buzz to layer your sounds on top of, so you might feel a little more comfortable letting loose.

7. It breathes new life into non-vibrating toys. Should you ever get bored with a dildo or butt plug, or just want a little more stimulation, hold the head of the wand to the base of the toy while it’s inside you or your partner. Instant tooth-chattering rumbly action. You can even angle the wand in such a way that it stimulates the clit/balls/perineum while making the internal toy tremble, and that is a wondrous combo of sensations, lemme tell ya.

8. It is the forced orgasm prop. If your partner has a forced orgasm kink, there’s pretty much no better way to fulfill it than to tie them up and hold or strap a Magic Wand to their genitals until they’re begging for mercy. (Just make sure to remind them that they might need to yell their safeword a little louder than usual, should the session go that way. The wand takes up a fair bit of sonic real estate.)

9. It works well for medical play, too. I can see it now: your partner puts your legs in stirrups, murmurs “Now just relax, this is a totally routine examination,” snaps some latex gloves onto their hands, and lays out on the table in front of you: a bottle of lube, a speculum, and a Magic Wand. Uh, fuck yes. Sign me up.

10. It just might make you squirt. Legendary ejaculator Shannon Bell has been known to squirt with the assistance of a Magic Wand and an accompanying G-spot attachment. If your pressure-based attempts at female ejaculation have fallen flat, maybe jackhammer-esque vibration is the ticket instead. May as well give it a shot!

What’s your favorite way to use a Magic Wand?

This post was made possible by the lovely folks at MaxiWand.com!

It’s Good Luck to Cram Your Orifices With Tantus

Kate Sloan

Superstitious about Friday the 13th? No worries – today’s destined to bring good news, not bad. I know that because Tantus is running a buy-one-get-one-50%-off sale on dildos, vibrators and plugs. What could be better luck than that?!

Incase you need some help deciding what tantalizing Tantus duo to stick in your holes cart, I’ve put together some possible combos for ya. I’m a bit of a self-styled Tantus expert, after all.

Beginner combo: Charmer + Little Flirt

If you’re looking to ease into penetration – whether anal and vaginal or just anal – this duo will help you through it. And far from being boring, these toys will keep on feeling good even when you’re more experienced down the line.

Size Queen combo: Max O2 + Raptor XL

These toys are about the best you can get in the “stuff yourself with massive realistic cocks” category. Both of these dildos are long and thick, but because Max is dual-density and the Raptor isn’t, you’ll get a good variety of sensations.

Texture Slut combo: Splash + Flex

If your genitals like a lotttt of sensation, you need some mega-textured silicone, stat. These toys are some of Tantus’ most unique offerings and their sensation can best be described as whoa whoa whoa.

One For Now, One For Later combo: Slow Drive Long + G-Spot

Whether you’re targeting a G-spot or a prostate, these toys will find the spot quickly and then stimulate the fuck out of it (trust me). If the Slow Drive starts to feel too small or not intense enough, switch to the G-Spot. They make a great pair that way!

Head on over to the Tantus website to put together your own combo package. The BOGO50% sale only goes until Sunday night, so stock up quick!

Review: Lelo Siri 2

Kate Sloan

There’s a part in How to Be a Woman that’s about boyfriends but reminded me of the Lelo Siri 2. (That should give you an idea of how poorly my love life is going, eh?)

In the passage to which I’m referring, Caitlin writes that a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship will have a million different things to say about it: excuses, justifications, explanations. But a woman whose relationship is going well will be comparatively tight-lipped about it – not because she’s being secretive, but because there just isn’t much to say. “I’m really happy,” she’ll tell you if you ask. “It’s just… good.”

That’s how I feel about the Siri 2. I don’t have a whole lot to say about it, because it’s just… good. Really, really good. Solidly, dependably, surprisingly good.

I say “surprisingly” because Lelo’s product line has been massively hit-or-miss for the past few years. They keep putting out gimmicky bullshit like an oral sex simulator, rotating Kegel beads, and a cock ring for bankers (WHY?!) – and then once in a while they’ll throw in a toy that actually works really well, like the Mona 2. Every time Lelo launches a new toy, I tiptoe toward it hesitantly, like I’m approaching a landmine field: will this new thing make me scream in pain or will it actually get me off?

Well, I’m delighted to report that the Siri 2 has gotten me off. Many, many times. In fact, it snuck into my top 5 all-time favorite vibrators after I’d only owned it for a couple months. It’s that good. Let me tell you why.

The Siri 2 is, of course, an update on the original Siri. (Before you ask: the Lelo toy predates the Apple lady-robot.) I loved the Siri from the get-go. It had what was, at the time, Lelo’s strongest and rumbliest motor ever. Its shape is surprisingly versatile for a clit toy: you can get broad contact or a more pinpointed touch, depending on how you hold it against your body. The controls are easy to understand and operate, the toy locks for travel, and it’s quiet.

Basically, it was everything I want and need in a clit vibe, except that it wasn’t waterproof – a problem that has been rectified in the Siri 2, which you can use in the bath to your heart’s delight. (Which I have. A lot. Thanks, Lelo!)

Lelo achieved what a lot of toy companies seem to fuck up: they overhauled one of their existing toys and actually made it better, without adding (too many) extraneous or useless new features. The Siri 2 is quite a bit stronger than the old one, and it has several new vibration patterns. I don’t normally like vibration patterns – give me steady power or you might as well try to get me off by wiggling a feather on my clit, i.e. it’s not gonna happen – but these ones are actually quite lovely. They can bring me right to the edge and keep me there, which is really what patterns should do: tease and titillate. (And, admittedly, one time I had an orgasm while using the Siri 2 on its weirdest, randomest mode. I was shocked, but pleased.)

For reasons that are confusing to everyone, Lelo also added a sound-responsive setting to this iteration of the Siri, in which the toy is supposed to respond vibrationally to any music you might be listening to or noise you might be making. Call me a shoddy reviewer, but I haven’t even bothered with this mode. Plenty of other reviewers hated it and/or said it didn’t work at all, which fits with Lelo’s M.O. of releasing gimmicky shit that doesn’t appear to have been tested thoroughly enough (*cough* the barely-functional remote control on the original Tiani *cough*). I wasn’t about to let my love for the Siri 2 be ruined by a pointless and poorly designed “music mode” that’s pretty clearly an OhMiBod ripoff anyway, so I didn’t try it. Sorry-not-sorry.

But as a regular ol’ clit vibe, the Siri 2 exceeded my expectations and is pretty close to perfect. It’s hella rumbly and has a wide variety of power settings, from “gentle buzz” all the way up to “HOLY FUCK YES.” The shape of it works splendidly for my clit. The whole unit is comfortable to hold, even for long periods of time. I love being able to take it in the bath. I love the vibration patterns. I love the smooth silicone, grippy plastic, and color options. I love that the controls are so intuitive I can operate them even when I’m drunk or dead-tired or in a hurry.

The buttons are a little hard to push. That’s really my only complaint. And it’s hardly a big deal. I think this problem has actually improved substantially with use, since, you know, mashing on buttons in the throes of ecstasy multiple times a week will tend to loosen ‘em up pretty quick.

So, yes – the Lelo Siri 2 goes wholeheartedly on my list of Vibrators I Definitely Recommend. Put it on your clit and the clits of people you love. It’ll do ya right.

Thank you, Lelo!

My Top 5 Favorite Vibrators of All Time

Kate Sloan

The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory, so let’s hop right to it, shall we?

1. The Eroscillator (review) is my favorite sex toy in the universe. End of story. I’ve easily used it hundreds of times since I got it 3-ish years ago, and it’s still going strong. The oscillations feel noticeably different from regular vibrations; they seem to go deeper into my internal clitoris and don’t cause me numbness like vibrations can. The Eroscillator is also long and thin so it fits nicely between two bodies for use during PIV sex; the Eroscillator + penis combo is one of my favorite ways to get off ever ever ever. I particularly recommend picking up the fingertip attachment because I find the harder attachments too intense sometimes.

2. The We-Vibe Tango (review) is my favorite rechargeable vibe, bar none. It’s soooo strong and rumbly, and the focused shape is perfect for my clit. I don’t love that you have to cycle through the modes one-by-one, but I’ve gotten used to it now so it doesn’t feel like a big deal to me anymore. It’s also waterproof and water doesn’t really dampen its magnificent rumbling. The only thing I don’t love about my Tango is the way it charges, but that’s been updated since I got mine, and I hear the newer ones are a lot better in that regard.

3. The Hitachi Magic Wand gives me very mixed feelings, but now that I know how to use it in a way that works for me, I at least don’t hate it anymore. It can get me off on those days when my bits seem irreparably numb or finicky, and it also works through multiple layers, so if I’m too lazy to take off my pants, that’s not a problem for the Hitachi. It’s a classic for a reason, and that reason is that it’s strong as fuck.

4. The Lelo Mona 2 is just exactly what a penetrative vibe should be. The handle is long enough to provide adequate leverage. The controls are easy to use, even in the heat of the moment. The vibrations are strong and rumbly enough to stimulate my vaginal walls without numbing them. The curve accesses my G-spot with minimal effort and feels good whether I thrust the toy or keep it still. It’s waterproof for bathtime shenanigans. And the toy can be repurposed for clitoral use, no problem. Lelo recently tried to update the Mona but you can’t improve upon perfection, man.

5. I only just received the Lelo Siri 2 and my review is forthcoming, but suffice it to say: this new offering from Lelo is simple and effective. Or perhaps effective because it’s simple. (Seriously, Lelo, stop trying to make everything so fancy all the time. Just keep making easy-to-use sex toys with excellent motors like this one and you’ll stay on top.)

What are your favorite vibrators of all time?