Sex Toys for Canadians

Sometimes it feels like, when you live outside of the USA, you get the short end of the stick in terms of being able to buy stuff. Imported American products are usually more expensive here in Canadaland, plus you have to pay shipping fees that are sometimes exorbitant. No thank you!

Fortunately, there are some great retailers who provide toys to us northern folk without ridiculously overcharging us or obligating us to pay staggering import duties. Here are some of my faves…

Sex Toys Canada was one of the very first retailers to send me stuff to review, so they hold a special place in my heart. (I’m also the main writer on their blog!) They’re based in Montreal, so if you live in the easterly part of Canada, orders will get to you especially fast.

They’re always having excellent sales and deals; check their homepage for any current discount codes. They also have a sale section that’s full of amazingly cheap stuff.

PinkCherry.ca is another one of my Canadian faves. They’re located in Mississauga (or thereabouts – I’m not actually sure) so if you live in Toronto or the GTA, you’ll get your order very quickly. Mine always arrive within 2 business days, which makes me really happy – (almost) instant gratification!

Check their homepage and/or subscribe to their mailing list for updates on current deals and sales. A word to the wise: they have some of the lowest prices in the biz on Njoy toys; you can get the legendary Pure Wand or my all-time favorite butt plug for lower prices than I’ve seen anywhere else. Put some steel in yo’ holes!

Sensual Intelligence is committed to only stocking toys that are body-safe and eco-friendly. Not many companies have that much integrity so I really respect them for making that choice.

They have many of the high-end, luxury sex toys that would be prohibitively expensive to ship from the U.S., like the Stronic Drei, Form 2, and Jopen Lust.

Fellow Canadians, where do you get your sex toys?

Review: We-Vibe Salsa

I feel pretty “meh” about the We-Vibe proper, but their clitoral vibes are the bomb-diggity. (Is that phrase still a thing?) Previously I swooned over the flat-tipped Tango, so I knew I’d like the pointy-tipped We-Vibe Salsa. And dayum, gurl, it delivers.

The Salsa’s been discontinued (boo!) because it wasn’t selling as well as the Tango. This is sad because a) it’s awesome and b) it had color options that went beyond the typical gendered colors that the sex toy industry tends to offer. My Salsa is a sexy, deep black, but it also came in red and white.

The main thing I love about the We-Vibe clit toys, the thing that makes them indispensable and irreplaceable, is their deep, rumbly, wonderfully strong motor. I don’t think there is another clit vibe on the market that feels like this. It always feels weird and exaggerated when I say that a sex toy company is doing something that literally no one else is doing, but that’s true for these toys. They have no rivals. If you like rumbly power and don’t want to mess with something heavy like the Wahl or big like the Patchy Paul, these tiny vibes are absolutely the way to go.

I also recommend the Tango and Salsa to people all the damn time for these reasons: they’re fully waterproof, they’re quieter than the majority of vibes on the market, they’re rechargeable, and they’re small enough to carry around in your handbag or pocket.

…Not that you would necessarily want to carry them around, though – because, as I observed in my Tango review, they don’t have a locking option for travel. There is a distinct chance that your Salsa will start vibrating in your purse if you put it in there. If that’s okay with you, fine, but I know it would be an issue for me if my vibrator turned on while I was in a sociology lecture or at the movies, so my “on-the-go” vibe will continue to be my Lelo Mia 2 for the time being.

My other major quibble with the Salsa and Tango is that they only have one button, which you have to use to cycle through the 4 speeds and 4 patterns (which, by the way, are pretty good as far as patterns go, if you’re into that sort of thing). Sometimes I want to be able to move back and forth quickly between two or three particular settings, without having to cycle my way back to the beginning again.

The Salsa/Tango uses a very fickle magnetic charging system. The charger attaches to the bottom of the toy magnetically and it has to be just right or it won’t charge. (Hint: you should see a steady light on the bottom of the charger if you’ve done it properly.) This issue, combined with the fact that these vibes have a noticeably short battery life (60-90 minutes of use, depending on which settings you favor), made me mistakenly believe that my Tango’s battery had permanently died from misuse recently. Turns out I just wasn’t charging it right. So watch out for that.

The Salsa and Tango are each about 3 inches long, so there’s not a lot of space between the tip and where you’ll be holding the vibe. That means that your fingers might start to go numb if you use the toy for a while. It’s a worthwhile tradeoff, though, since the vibes’ small stature makes them ideal for using during PIV sex. You can never have too many intercourse-friendly vibrators, if you ask me.

Although the Salsa has a few annoying issues, they are worth overlooking for the totally astonishing quality of its vibrations. My whole clitoral network gets rocked by this toy, resulting in orgasms that feel deeper and happen quicker. Few toys can actually have a noticeable effect on orgasm quality, but this is one that does, so it’s worth picking up.

Review: Jimmyjane Little Chroma

The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is an old vibrator. It was designed and released years ago. Its technology is outdated, at least in the realm of luxury sex toys. And yet, when I was offered the Little Chroma to review, I wanted it. Because Jimmyjane’s marketing hustle is strong.

They made me want this vibe, with their talk of it being “everlasting” (they sell $20 replaceable motors for when the first one burns out) and “versatile” (yes, you can technically insert it in your vagina, though it’s only 2/3″ wide so I doubt you would) and “waterproof” (it isn’t really, but we’ll get to that). They make it sound damn enticing, like the best investment you could possibly make for your genitals. But the Little Chroma is all talk, no walk. It can’t live up to its hype.

First, the few good things about this toy: it’s made of aluminum, so it feels really smooth and sexy in the hand, and it holds temperature exceptionally well. It comes in cute colors like purple and black. It has a 3-year limited warranty. But… that’s about it. Everything else about it sucks.

Jimmyjane’s marketing for the Little Chroma is based on several lies-by-omission. I’ll list them for you here.

Lie #1: Vibrations. Jimmyjane’s website simply describes the toy’s vibrations as “strong-yet-silent.” What they don’t tell you is that this toy only has one speed. That’s right: unlike virtually every vibrator that sells for more than $15, the Little Chroma doesn’t offer you any options in terms of vibration strength. If you don’t like the one setting they supply you with, you’re fucked – and you probably won’t like it, because it’s as weak and buzzy as a typical bullet vibe.

In the instructional manual, Jimmyjane claims that the Little Chroma’s one speed is “the right speed” and that you can change how strong the vibrations feel by changing where you position the toy on your body. It’s true that the vibrations feel slightly stronger at the tip than on the shaft of the toy, but I only ever use the tip because even there the vibrations don’t feel strong enough. And yet somehow they make my fingers numb as I hold the toy. Ugh.

Using the Little Chroma takes me back to the days when I first started using vibrators – mostly cheap, battery-operated ones, because I was 16 – and I would go numb from the high-pitched vibrations within minutes. I would then have to physically rub the vibrator against myself in order to reach orgasm, and sometimes I wouldn’t even get off at all because there was no sensation left in my clit. Eventually I discovered rumblier vibes and found out that if a toy is good, you can usually just leave it in one spot and let it do the work for you. The Little Chroma does not fall into this definition of a good toy: it desensitizes me alarmingly fast, and I have to rub it up and down against my body to get anywhere close to an orgasm. This process also takes a lot longer than getting off with virtually any other toy.

Lie #2: Waterproof. With most waterproof toys, you can set them down on the side of the bathtub, settle into your bath, get comfy, and then grab your toy and have a nice orgasm with it. This isn’t possible with the Little Chroma, despite its claims of being waterproof.

See, the Little Chroma is only waterproof when the toy’s battery chamber is screwed shut – makes sense, right? – but when the battery chamber is screwed shut, the toy is on. There is no “off” button; you just unscrew the cap to turn it off. So when it’s off, it’s not waterproof – and when it’s waterproof, it’s always on. It has to be on the entire time you’re near water or you risk ruining your $125 toy. I cannot overemphasize how irritating this is.

Lie #3: Quiet. Don’t get me wrong – the Little Chroma is reasonably quiet when it’s actually in use. But when you’re twisting the cap (which, remember, is every time you want to turn the vibe on or off for any reason), it becomes loud, like a tiny little buzzsaw.

So picture this: your roommate comes home unexpectedly, or your mom suddenly knocks on your door while you’re masturbating, and you have to turn off your vibrator in a hurry. Not only does it take several seconds to twist the cap to the “off” position, but the vibrator also becomes weirdly loud while you’re doing this. If your intruder didn’t know you were masturbating before, they will certainly know when you slowly and loudly attempt to turn the toy off. Discreet? Nope. Not in the slightest.

Lie #4: Worth the price. The Little Chroma costs $125. You also have to pay for the AA batteries it uses, and an additional $20 for each additional replacement motor if the first one dies. For that much money, here’s what I think you ought to be able to expect from a vibrator: at least 5 speeds, rechargeability, full waterproofness, and easy orgasms. The Little Chroma delivers on none of these things.

True, the Little Chroma was designed at a time when expectations for luxury vibes weren’t really established yet and when consumers were still setting the bar pretty low for what a vibrator should do. But if we’re viewing this from a 2014 paradigm, the Little Chroma is a colossal waste of $125+. You’d be far better off spending that money on a Lelo Mia 2 (stronger, many more settings and speeds, rechargeable, waterproof) or a We-Vibe Tango (way stronger, 4 speeds, rechargeable, waterproof, super quiet) – hell, you could even get both of those, because even put together, they’re still only $25 more than the Little Chroma. And way, way, way better in every conceivable way.

Here’s what Jimmyjane should do: make the Little Chroma rechargeable, give it a much stronger and rumblier motor, turn its twist-off cap into a twist-dial speed controller, and make it actually waterproof. That could make it one of the best vibes on the market – but I doubt it’ll ever happen.

The Best and Worst Toys of 2013

It’s that time, folks! Here are my favorite and least favorite toys I reviewed this year (some of which actually launched this year, some of which didn’t)…

Best G-spot dildo: Without a doubt, the Jopen Key Comet Wand. This silicone/glass hybrid launched early in the year and knocked the socks off most sex toy reviewers who tried it, myself included. It produces shockingly intense G-spot sensations and looks gorgeous all the while. (Available at Sex Toys Canada and Early to Bed.)

Best glass dildo: The SSA Glass Royal Adventure. Glass toys can be hit-or-miss, because a shitty design can make for a very uncomfortable or even painful toy – but the Royal Adventure suffers from none of these issues. Its corkscrew-like texture massages my vaginal walls and its slightly bulging head feels lovely on my G-spot. (Sadly no longer available; these are similar: Icicles no. 5, Mr. Swirly, Pink Swirled Delight.)

Best realistic dildo: The VixSkin Maverick. I finally got around to trying this one after worrying for months about whether or not my vagina would be able to accommodate it, and I surprised myself with my vaginal proficiency! The Maverick is an ultra-satisfying monster of a dildo, with a G-spot-pleasing mega-sized coronal ridge. It wears well in a harness, too! (Available at Lovehoney.)

Best vibrator: The Lelo Mona 2. I haven’t reviewed this one yet, but it was, without a doubt, the best vibrator of the year. Strong, rumbly, rechargeable, waterproof, quiet, versatile, elegant, and ergonomic. If you can only afford one vibrator, get this one. (Available at SheVibe, Sex Toys Canada, and Lovehoney.)

Best sex toy innovation: The Fun Factory Stronic Eins. There are no other toys on the market that pulsate like the Stronic line, though I’m sure there will be by this time next year, given the success of these toys. The Stronic Eins is the ultimate in lazy masturbation and is a dream come true for folks who fantasize about PIV sex. And it comes in an obnoxiously bright pink hue. (Available at Sex Toys Canada, Early to Bed and Lovehoney.)

Best kink implement: The Tantus silicone paddles. My favorite is the Wham Bam but you’ll get a rollicking good time out of any one of them. (Available at Tantus, Peepshow and Lovehoney.)

Worst dildo: Indubitably the Joyful Pleasures Joyful Plant. I requested it knowing I wouldn’t like it, and naturally, I didn’t. I mean, it’s shaped like a tiny eggplant. At least now I have a cool story to tell when people ask me about the weirdest toy I’ve ever reviewed. (No longer available)

Worst vibrator: It was a bad year for vibrators. Very few high-end (i.e. body-safe and rechargeable or electric) vibes launched, and those that did were mostly shitty. But the ones I hated most out of all the vibes I reviewed this year were the Leaf Spirit and Fun Factory LayaSpot. They were too weak to get me off, and I didn’t like their color schemes much either. (Leaf Spirit available at Sex Toys Canada. Fun Factory LayaSpot available at Sex Toys Canada and Lovehoney.)

Worst butt toy: The Something Forbidden plug. Literally one of the worst toys I have ever reviewed, in terms of safety and design. My butt still fears it. (Available at SheVibe and Lovehoney.)

Worst sex toy innovation: Another one I haven’t reviewed yet – the Lelo Ida. You’ll have to wait for my full review to come out, but for now, just know that I literally screamed in pain the first time I used it. (Available at SheVibe.)

Worst kink implement: The Sportsheets Doggie-Style Strap. I’m sure it would be useful for some folks, but my boyfriend and I got no benefit out of it whatsoever. I might try to work it into a future outfit as a pink cummerbund. (Available at SheVibe.)

Aaaand that’s a wrap! I’m going to take a little blogging break until the new year, methinks – and then I’ll be back with more sex toy reviews and sexual musings in 2014!

What were your favorite (and least favorite) toys of the year? What do you hope to see next year?

Review: Tantus G-Spot

The Tantus G-Spot’s name is short and to-the-point. This is a G-spot toy and it’s made by Tantus. That’s all you really need to know in order to understand that this is a damn fine toy.

I was lucky enough to be sent a G-Spot in the glorious pearl white color (which has been discontinued, so act fast if you like it!). After oohing and aahing over the gorgeous, almost luminescent color, my first impression of the toy was that it’s bigger than I was expecting. It’s 1.7″ in diameter at its widest point (the bulgy head) and has a full 7″ of insertable length, though with the way it’s designed, you won’t be inserting all of those inches.

I’m actually surprised, as I write and research this review, to discover that the G-Spot’s diameter is 1.7″. If you’d asked me to guess based on vagina-feel alone, I’d’ve said 1.5″ – entry is sometimes a liiiittle uncomfortable without warm-up, but it feels filling and comfy once it’s in. I guess my vagina’s horizons are expanding?

The thickness of this toy is what gives it the firmness it needs to be a good G-spot stimulator. Flimsier silicone dildos, like the Charmer, often have so much squish that they feel almost wimpy, but the G-Spot is a tough, robust dildo. It’s up to the task.

Once I insert this dildo, it finds my G-spot immediately. No hassle, no fumbling around, no wondering if I’ve got it in the right place. Tantus always describes their toys as being “anatomically targeted” and this one absolutely is. That’s a feature that would make it great for partner play: just tell your partner to stick it in and thrust, and chances are, it’ll feel good.

I don’t thrust the G-Spot in wide motions; I keep it more-or-less in the same spot and sort of jiggle it in and out. The subtle swells and valleys on the toy’s shaft make this super easy and comfortable to do – again, very anatomically targeted.

The base is thick and sturdy, and I love that. I never lose hold of it while I’m in the moment.

And the head… oh god, that head. It is exactly what a G-spotting head should be shaped like: round and bulbous. It’s like a very large fingertip or a very small fist. Mmm mmm good.

This toy’s sensations aren’t quite as intense as those of the Pure Wand or Comet Wand, because of course, silicone isn’t as firm as steel or glass. But honestly, lately I’ve been noticing that G-spot play with super-firm toys doesn’t feel all that comfortable for me anymore – the need-to-pee sensation overpowers my pleasure and I find it hard to focus. If you feel similarly, you’ll probably like the Tantus G-Spot; it has all the G-spot-locating skill of those other toys but is a little gentler. This is the toy that has gotten me back into G-spot stimulation after avoiding it for a while out of discomfort.

If you want a Tantus G-Spot, you’re in luck: the white non-vibrating version is on closeout sale. Frankly, just about everyone could use another G-spot toy in their collection, and this one is so damn cheap and great that it’s a no-brainer.

Thanks, Tantus! You always treat me right!