Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Sqweel Go

Kate Sloan

I am an oral sex fiend, so the Sqweel has always intrigued me. The latest iteration of this inventive cunnilingus simulator is called the Sqweel Go, and it fixes all the problems reviewers complained about with the original: it’s smaller, stronger, and rechargeable. It’s a great toy and I’m sure it will be well-received, but it just didn’t do the trick for me.

First off: the size. The original Sqweel was large enough that it made it impossible to use a dildo in conjunction with it, and that sucked, so I’m glad they fixed it. But the adorably tiny tongues of the Sqweel Go just don’t have the same impact on my clit that the bigger ones did. It’s like receiving cunnilingus from a pixie: a cute novelty, but ultimately ineffectual. More sensitive clits will enjoy the reprieve from traditional, pressure-friendly toys, but if you’re even slightly a power queen, I don’t think this’ll do it for ya.

See, I can have an orgasm from the Sqweel Go, but it doesn’t really feel like an orgasm. The tongues dance so lightly and quickly across my clit that it’s like the bare minimum amount of stimulation that could possibly get me off; the orgasms feel more like I’m floating off a cliff than leaping from it. The original Sqweel more-or-less replicated the profound orgasms I get from oral sex, but the sensations of the Sqweel Go pale in comparison.

The toy’s size contributes to this, and so does the pressure problem. You can’t press down on the Sqweel (any Sqweel). As soon as the tongues encounter any resistance, they slow or stop. And as someone who directs my boyfriend to squeeze my clit rhythmically with his lips when I reach orgasm, I find that I need that pressure – if not during the build-up, then certainly during the orgasm itself. So the climaxes I experience from the Sqweel Go tend to be disappointing and unsatisfying. Bummer.

In sectors other than sensation and size, I don’t perceive a whole lot of difference between this Sqweel and the previous ones. It’s USB-rechargeable, which I guess is better than batteries, but hasn’t had much of an effect on the toy’s power as far as I can tell. It’s quieter, because it’s smaller. It still has three patterns and they still disappoint me (too many pauses in between “licks”). It’s conveniently pocket-sized, but I’m not sure I’ll encounter a situation in which I’ll actually want to carry it around in my pocket.

I think I’ve matured as a reviewer, because this is a toy that has given me several orgasms and yet I’m able to say that I don’t like it and articulate why. It can sometimes be confusing when that happens – your brain, swathed in yummy post-orgasmic neurotransmitters, wants you to like whatever got you off – but when said orgasms are as literally anticlimactic as the ones I get from the Sqweel Go, it’s hard to feel appreciative.

Review: Icicles no. 6

Kate Sloan

Glass toys are such a weird change from other materials when you haven’t used one before, or when (like me) it’s been a while since you’ve used one. They can feel unyielding and uncomfortable, like they’re infiltrating your insides instead of gently slipping into you.

I had that experience with the Icicles no. 6 initially: it awkwardly pressed my NuvaRing into my vaginal wall, bumped my cervix constantly, and generally felt like a bit of an assault.

However, then I had the bright idea to get turned on first. I had forgotten how important this is when using glass toys, or any other kind of super-firm toy. Especially for those of us who, like me, have a somewhat weak-hearted vagina.

This dildo is suuuper long – 7 inches, in fact. Part of that is because it’s harness-compatible and has smartly factored in the inch you often lose when you put a dildo in a harness. But if you’re not using it that way, it can seem intimidatingly long. I can only fit about two-thirds of it inside my short-ish vagina; even at maximum arousal, I can only get it in up to the first ring, so my vag doesn’t get the benefit of that particular texture.

I do get to feel the little nubs, though, and they are fun. In fact, they’re the reason I requested this dildo from Sensual Intelligence: I had never tried a glass toy with that texture before. The modest 1.4" diameter of this dildo makes the nubs a subtle sensation, not an overpowering one. They just provide a little bit of scritchy friction against my vaginal walls that is surprisingly lovely.

The dildo’s head is flared a little bit, as any good dildo’s head should be, if you ask me. It’s too narrow to stimulate my G-spot with any intensity, but if I angle it just right, it can get all up in my A-spot like a champ. Y’all know that I basically live for A-spot stimulation, and this dildo manages to provide it while also gently stroking my walls with its nubblies, so it gets a big gold star from me in terms of sensation (provided I can keep it from bumping into my cervix, which takes a little practice).

Some people have reported that the paint on Icicles toys tends to flake off. The Icicles line is made by Pipedream, a company known for its shitty toys – so yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if paint was coming off in people’s orifices. Personally I haven’t noticed that with this toy, but I can see that the pink parts are painted on the surface (messily, too!) rather than being embedded in the toy like they ought to be, so I am a little concerned. If you want an Icicles toy without the risk of paint problems, try their clear rippled dildo.

While the Icicles no. 6 obviously isn’t perfect (nothing by Pipedream is), it has produced some pretty intense orgasms for me because of its A-spot access and firm feeling. Just make sure you warm up before you use it!

Review: Tantus Pack ‘n’ Play #1

Kate Sloan

I used to cringe over realistic dildos, but now I am staunchly in favor of them. The Tantus Pack ‘n’ Play #1 is one such dildo and, predictably for Tantus, it’s lovely.

For those who don’t know what a “pack ‘n’ play” is, let me bring you up to speed: it’s a (usually realistic) dildo that’s flexible enough to be “packed” (worn under clothes, in a harness) but still firm enough that it can be used for “play” (i.e. fucking) as necessary. They’re great for trans guys seeking to deal with dysphoria, so I hear, but they’re also ideal for anyone of any gender who plans on engaging in strap-on play and wants to have their cock at the ready – maybe after a dinner date or something. They’re really quite an ingenious invention.

At least, in theory. This Tantus pack ‘n’ play works wonderfully for play but leaves something to be desired in the packing department. It’s squishy, yeah, but not so much that you can wear it under close-fitting pants without looking like you have a boner. If that’s the look you’re going for, more power to you, but it’s far from discreet.

The squishiness is perfection and I dearly hope Tantus will come out with more toys that have this VixSkin-like flexibility. It’s much more comfortable than their O2 formulation, if you ask me, but it’s still got enough firmness that it doesn’t feel wimpy in my vag.

This toy is a total A-spot champ, which is great for me because I’m obsessed with A-spot stimulation. It has the holy duality of oh-fuck-yes A-spot power: long enough to reach the spot (6.5" insertable) and soft enough to avoid upsetting my cervix when inserted all the way.

This is actually the first toy that’s caused me to notice the hyper-lubricating effect described by the A-spot’s discoverer, Dr. Chua Chee Ann: the Pack ‘n’ Play #1 always seems to be dripping with lady-come when I’m done using it. (Uh, is that TMI?) Sometimes I look at it and I’m like, “What the fuck?!” but I guess that means the toy is doing its job.

Initial insertion is always a bit painful with this toy. Its widest diameter is 1.75" and that happens fairly soon in the insertion process, right where the head meets the shaft. Tiny-vagina’ed folks, beware!

However, that swollen head, once inserted, presses super-snugly against my G-spot, so it’s worth the small amount of pain involved.

The toy’s base is chunky and easy to grab onto and thrust with. I have done some seriously speedy thrusting while using this bad boy, because that’s the kind of action my A-spot craves when I’m getting close to coming, and it has yet to slip out of my grasp at any point. Yay.

If you are intrigued by the shape of this toy but you want something firmer, the Vamp is just about identical except that it’s made of straight-up silicone, not dual-density, and is a paler color (because it’s meant to be a vampire dick, duh). The Vamp I have is older, so it has a shorter and narrower shaft than the Pack ‘n’ Play, but it’s since been updated, so if you order a Vamp now, it’ll be the exact same size and shape as the toy I’m reviewing.

One issue with dual-density silicone that kind of sucks: the bottom of the base inexplicably starts to dome outward after some time. (I’m using the word “inexplicable” because that’s how it feels to me, although I’m sure there is some sciencey explanation for it.) This means that my Pack ‘n’ Play acts like a bobblehead: if I nudge it while it’s standing up, it sways back and forth but doesn’t quite fall over. If my other dual-density dildos are any indication, this problem will get worse as time goes on, until eventually the dildo can’t stand up on its own at all. That won’t matter to most folks, though.

My A-spot is smitten with the Pack ‘n’ Play #1, even though it doesn’t perform very well as a packer and doesn’t do much for any other part of my vagina. Ah well; sometimes you fall in love with a toy for one very specific usage and turn a blind eye to its other issues. For the average consumer, though, I’d recommend the Tsunami instead: despite its strange appearance, it’s actually a far more versatile toy than the Pack ‘n’ Play.

Thank you so much to Tantus for sending me this toy!

Review: Vixen Creations Leo

Kate Sloan

Happy Halloween, nerds!!!

The Vixen Creations Leo is undeniably one of my favorite dildos ever – and not just because mine happens to be a limited-edition “Batcock.” No, this would be a marvelous dildo even if it wasn’t bright orange and emblazoned with spooky flying bats. (Although, come on, that is pretty cool.)

Leo is the perfect size for my vag. It’s 1 ½" wide at the bulge of the head and a teensy bit narrower through the shaft, and it’s 7" long. Stunning. Stellar. Fabulous. Flawless.

Its head is only slightly defined, but there is a wrinkly faux-foreskin where the head meets the shaft that is really the crowning glory of Leo. When I describe the texture, it might not sound great – it’s slightly scratchy, a little bit rough – but it is harmless and actually weirdly pleasurable. You need lube, of course, but Leo’s foreskin produces a texture-fuelled feeling unlike any other dildo I own, and that’s pretty nifty.

Vixen’s regular silicone may not be quite as terrific as their well-loved VixSkin material, but it’s pretty damn good as far as silicone formulations go. It’s the perfect meeting point between squishy and firm. (I’m using the word “perfect” a lot in this review, have you noticed? Damn…)

I like to use Leo as a warm-up dildo when I’m planning on transitioning to something huge – but it’s obviously excellent in its own right. When I have my monthly craving for realistic dildos, Leo is always included in that desire, because its shape and size are just simply the epitome of an ideal cock.

Fun facts about Leo:

1. If you’ve ever seen a porn scene starring Roger Wood, you’ve probably seen the Leo. He’s used it in every scene I’ve seen him in, and it seems to perform astonishingly well in a strap-on.

2. It shares a name with Harry Connick Jr.’s character on Will & Grace, so if you’ve ever had a crush on that dude, you can go to town with fantasies while using this toy. (Do you like my extremely dated TV reference? I spend too much time watching old DVD box sets, evidently.)

3. MINE HAS BATS ON IT. BATS! But also, you can get it in purple or black these days, and Vixen’s silicone has a kind of sparkly/twinkly quality to it, so those colors are gorgeous, not boring. Pinky-swear.

In conclusion: buy a Leo. It will make your orifice(s) happy.

This review wasn’t sponsored by anyone, I just thought you should have something nice and spooky to read on Halloween. Kisses!

Review: Wake-Up Vibe

Kate Sloan

I am a notoriously deep sleeper. I have been known to deactivate alarm clocks in my sleep and then wake up hours later saying, “What the hell? Why didn’t my alarm clock wake me up?!” I have missed many a morning class because the quality of my sleep is akin to that of a hibernating bear.

So I was intrigued by the Wake-Up Vibe, though admittedly skeptical. If loud radio announcers or blaring calypso music couldn’t get me up-and-at-‘em, how could vibration do it?

The Wake-Up Vibe is made of ABS plastic covered in soft, smooth silicone. It has a little display which shows the time and allows you to set the alarm. There are five buttons: left, right, up, down, and middle. It’s not immediately obvious how to go about setting the clock, setting the alarm, and turning the vibe on, but the accompanying instruction booklet explains all this stuff very clearly, so read it and you’ll be good.

It comes with a black storage bag which leaves little black smudges on the toy’s surface (you can sort of see this in the photo above). I don’t know why it does this; it shouldn’t, if it’s real silicone, so maybe it isn’t. It also comes with a cute pink sleep-mask and several international adaptors for its charger.

The vibe is shaped in a gentle curve that matches the shape of my mons, coming to a halt in a little ball that is meant to rest on the clit. (You can also position the vibe so that the tip is against your vaginal opening, if that’s more your style.) It stays in place very well all night long if I’m wearing underwear, but it’s totally impossible to wear this vibe without panties or some other close-fitting lower-body garment. I sort of wish there was another way, since I prefer to sleep naked or at least bottomless, but any other way would probably involve all-night vaginal penetration, which wouldn’t be ideal either.

You can set the vibe to start at a low speed and work its way up, thereby waking you up gently and slowly. You can also increase the minimum speed so it’ll start stronger, waking you up with more of a jolt (which I need). It has several patterns – pulses, waves, etc. – so you can pick the one that works best for you. While I’m normally not a fan of vibration patterns, I do find them more effective than straight vibration for shocking me out of a deep sleep. Nothin’ like sudden quick pulses right on your clit to rouse you from slumber.

And rouse me, it does. Sometimes I have some kind of sexual mini-dream just before waking as a result of the vibrations, something weird like Jim Parsons tapping a pen against my clit or my best friend inexplicably going down on me. But then I’m awakened.

The Wake-Up Vibe doesn’t turn me on. I don’t wake up with a ladyboner, even when I’ve had one of those illicit dreamlets. I just feel shocked out of sleep, adrenaline-flooded, just like when your alarm clock suddenly starts blaring pop music at precisely 7:00 AM.

You can also use the Wake-Up Vibe as a regular vibrator, though I don’t see why you would want to. It’s an awkward shape to hold onto with your hand, and the vibrations are buzzy and passable but not especially satisfying. I have tried in vain to get off with this thing and it has not happened – but, to be fair, that isn’t necessarily its goal. If this toy did turn me on in the morning, which it doesn’t, I’d just shut it off and reach for another vibe to finish the job.

I don’t think the Wake-Up Vibe is ideal for someone who needs to get up at a specific time; there’s too much risk that you’ll stay asleep, or that you won’t wake up until the vibrations ramp up to their maximum strength. This is really a better choice for those days when you can sleep in and want to be awakened sweetly, slowly, gently. And if you’re expecting to have an orgasm just as you open your eyes to greet the day, well, look elsewhere, ’cause this vibe can’t finish what it starts.

Merci, PinkCherry!