Review: Lelo Large Smart Wand

For a long time, reviewers have been complaining that Lelo vibrators just aren’t strong enough. They’re beautiful, elegant, ergonomic, rechargeable, and high-quality, but many clits-o’-steel have been unimpressed with their strength.

Well, no more. Because the large Smart Wand is one of the strongest vibrators I’ve ever tried, and also one of the best.

For all you Hitachi enthusiasts, take a moment to imagine how your sex life would change if your beloved wand didn’t need to be plugged into the wall in order to work, and if you could actually take it in the bath with you. Mindblowing and life-changing, right? In that case, you probably need a large Smart Wand, pronto.

Before I start sounding too much like an infomercial, let’s get some gripes out of the way. Yes, the toy is 100% waterproof, but the charging port is just an open hole on the end of the toy’s handle. It can be really anxiety-producing to watch bathwater slowly flow into an open orifice on your $135 sex toy. The hole is just as waterproof as the rest of the toy, but I still think Lelo should have at least put a little peel-back silicone plug in that spot, to set bath-bound consumers’ minds at ease.

As for the color… I must admit, I did not order the white wand and it wouldn’t have been my first choice; the one I chose was black but I ended up with the white one nonetheless. The white tends to show every speck of dirt or dust that makes its way onto the toy. However, I do think it would make a lovely bridal/wedding gift, what with being ivory-colored and luxurious.

Most of the toy is covered in satiny-smooth silicone, while the inner edge of the gently curving handle is made of metallic gold plastic that makes it easier to grip the toy. The Lelo logo is embossed into the handle, but it’s high enough on the toy that it would be difficult to accidentally get any lube or natural juices into the grooves of the letters, which is an improvement on some previous Lelo designs.

The head of the massager has a bit of flex to it, like most other wand-style vibes, but it’s minimal. If you like a lot of firm pressure along with your vibrations, this toy can provide it.

Like most massager-style vibes, the part of the Smart Wand that will be touching your genitals is very big and broad. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because usually I like something a little more focused, but it didn’t bother me in the end.

Can I just say how much it annoys me that Lelo steadfastly markets this toy as a body massager? Granted, it does work great for body massage, but let’s be real here – Lelo makes sex toys, and has always been upfront about doing so, so why suddenly change the game and act like this vibrator is meant for solely G-rated usage? There is literally no mention of genitals, sex, or masturbation in the Smart Wand instruction manual. This annoys me on principle, but luckily, doesn’t change the awesomeness of the toy itself.

And let me tell you, it is awesome. This massager has very strong vibrations. Though the Smart Wand has multiple speeds like all Lelo vibes, I usually only use the third and fourth ones, because the toy is that strong.

The first three speeds are rumbly, causing the toy to visibly tremble back and forth, while the rest are buzzier – but all feel great. Like the Hitachi, this toy may need to be muffled with underwear or a towel for some users to enjoy it, but it’s worth it.

Much fuss was made about the Smart Wand’s “SenseTouch” mode, in which the vibrations will stay on a low level until they touch your skin, at which point they will ramp up suddenly to a much higher level. This is supposed to feel like the gradual pressure that a masseuse’s hands can provide. I didn’t think much of this mode and won’t be using it, but I can see how it could be useful for someone who plans to use the wand primarily for actual massage.

It’s worth noting that my Smart Wand is the large one; other reviewers have found that the medium version is not nearly as strong. So if power’s what you’re after, get the large.

My final issue with the Smart Wand, which might just be a glitch in my particular toy, is that the buttons are very sensitive. Sometimes I press the “plus” button once, to move up to the next speed, and it skips a few speeds randomly, moving up to a much stronger one than I’m ready for. This can be remedied quickly by pressing the “minus” button until it goes back to a speed I’m comfortable with, but it might be worth considering if you’re very sensitive and would be horrified by sudden earthshattering vibrations on your clit.

But overall? Fuck, man, I love my Smart Wand. It’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s stronger than almost any other vibe in my collection, it can be used anywhere I want (including the bath), and it serves up some hella intense orgasms. Hallelujah, Lelo!

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada! You’re the best!

Review: Topco Rascal El Diablo

I don’t think I really realized how big the El Diablo was when I ordered it. This is a monster of a dildo, at least compared to the ones I usually use. It has 7 ½" of length and is 1 ¾" in diameter at its widest point – and by “widest point” I pretty much mean “the entire shaft.” On top of all that, it’s made of very firm silicone that has practically no give. When I received it, all I could do was stare at it in terror.

However, after psyching myself up to get it inside me, it turned out to be not that difficult. I warmed up with some hot porn and a great vibe, and then I started prepping my vag with the Vixen Leo, which is girthy but still comfortable for me. And then I lubed up the Diablo and it actually slid in with minimal effort and minimal pain. I was so impressed with my vaginal prowess!

I guess, though, that I thought a dildo of such a formidable size should actually feel good once inside – and this one doesn’t, at least, not for me. Its curve is subtle and its head isn’t pronounced enough, so my G-spot kind of cries out, “Hey, is there a dildo in here or what?”

On the plus side, it’s loooong – so long that I would never be able to fit its entire length inside me in a million years – so it can hit my A-spot. But even then, it’s not spectacular.

The shaft of the dildo is partially matte and partially glossy, with a cool wavy line separating the two parts. It’s quite a classy-looking dildo, except for the big seam running up the underside. I’m not especially sensitive to seams but this might be a dealbreaker for some.

I really like the base, which is rounded on one side and flat on the other. I find it easier to grip and thrust with than other bases. However, it might make strap-on play tricky if you like to go very fast and very hard.

Surprisingly for Topco, this toy is made of real silicone and it seems to be good quality. I would have no reservations about recommending the Rascal El Diablo to someone who wants a huge silicone strappable cock and doesn’t mind seams, but for me, it just wasn’t a hit.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Review: Joyful Pleasures Joyful Plant

Hey, it’s a glass dildo shaped like an eggplant! What will they think of next?!

When I took the Joyful Plant out of its packaging and saw how small it was, I thought, “I could probably write this review without even trying the toy.” But of course, that’s a dangerous thought for a reviewer to have.

To my surprise, upon testing it out, I discovered it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Despite being only 1" across at its widest point, the gently bulging shape causes the toy to pull at my G-spot on the outstroke, which feels really nice. It’s not the ideal dildo for when I want to get pounded with something sizeable, of course, but it’s a small, discreet G-spotter that’s easy to hide in my purse, which is what I want sometimes.

The handle is awkward. It’s the “stem” of the eggplant, so it’s thin and short and you have to grasp it with two or three fingers. I got used to this pretty quickly, but if you like marathon masturbation sessions and/or you have mobility issues in your hands, cross this one off your list unless you want to end up with claws for hands.

Joyful Pleasures has some other glass toys that look interesting – for example, the 24K Double Pleasure< and the Coiled Pleasure. They even have a dildo shaped like a hot pepper. But for some reason, the eggplant called to me.

Though the Joyful Plant wasn’t as colossal a failure as I thought it would be, I don’t think I can recommend it unless you have a specific and pressing desire to pretend you’re putting vegetables in your orifices. There are way better glass dildos out there, ones that may be less amusing visually but get the job done in a far superior way.

Review: Zolo Pocket Pool Corner Pocket

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Has it always been common for sex toy companies to blatantly steal designs from other sex toy companies, or is it just starting to happen a lot? Because I feel like I’ve seen crap like this everywhere lately.

The Zolo line of toys caught my eye because it’s all products for men, and there just aren’t that many good toys for boys out there. There’s Tenga and Fleshlight, and there are other companies that dabble in making male masturbators, but the field is pretty limited compared to what’s available for women.

Hoping for something new and innovative, I was kinda pissed when it turned out that Zolo is just a blatant rip-off of Tenga.

The toy I scored for my boyfriend is the Corner Pocket, a single-use masturbator made of a stretchy material. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a bad knock-off of Tenga Eggs.

My boyfriend wholeheartedly recommends the original Tenga product over this sad Zolo copy, for the following reasons:

1. The Zolo is made of a more rubbery-feeling material that seems cheaper and grosser.

2. The packet of lube that comes with the Zolo lists a whole whack of nasty ingredients, like glycerin, propylene glycol, and parabens. Granted, this lube isn’t intended to go into a vagina, so these pussy-unfriendly chemicals aren’t a huge deal – but Zolo’s lube is still significantly stickier and cheaper-feeling than the lube that comes with Tenga products. My boyfriend was so disgusted by the lubey residue left on him after using the toy that he had to immediately go rinse himself off.

3. The texture inside the Zolo toy isn’t nearly as raised and detectable as the Tenga textures. In fact, it’s so shallow that he could barely feel it. He was able to reach orgasm using the Zolo, but he didn’t find it to be a pleasant experience at all, and said he would’ve preferred to just use his hand.

4. Zolo Pocket Pool toys are $2 more expensive than Tenga Eggs, which feels kind of like paying $500 for a cheap made-in-China derivative of a $400 designer handbag, y’know?

In summary: Tenga rules, Zolo drools.

Big Sex Toy News! + Massager Vibes

Ladies and gents, are you sitting down? Because I’ve got some earthshattering news for you…

The Hitachi Magic Wand is no longer called the Hitachi Magic Wand.

I’m just piecing together tweets from the International Lingerie Show to try to figure out what happened, so forgive me if I’m off the mark, but it seems that the Hitachi brand decided it no longer wanted to be associated with the Magic Wand and almost stopped production, before Vibratex took on the responsibility of continuing the Wand’s legacy.

It has apparently been renamed simply the “Magic Wand” (how hard is that going to be to get used to?!) and the motor has been updated to be smoother and more reliable (but still just as strong, so don’t worry).

I have extremely mixed feelings on the Hitachi – whoops, I mean Magic Wand – but they were mostly negative, I guess, because I gave mine away months ago. It was too buzzy and numbing for my tastes.

My wand-style massager of choice is the Bodywand, which is stronger and more adjustable than the classic it’s modeled after. It also has a cuter aesthetic.

I hear good things about the large Lelo Smart Wand, too, though I haven’t had the pleasure of trying one yet.

My very favorite massager-style vibe, though, is always and forever the Wahl 2-Speed. It’s heavy and awkward to hold, but it makes up for those shortcomings by being stronger and rumblier than the Magic Wand. Amazing.

Are you perplexed by the Hitachi news? Will you buy the new Magic Wand? What are your other favorite massager vibes?

Photo via Laura Anne Stuart.