Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Zolo Pocket Pool Corner Pocket

Kate Sloan

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Has it always been common for sex toy companies to blatantly steal designs from other sex toy companies, or is it just starting to happen a lot? Because I feel like I’ve seen crap like this everywhere lately.

The Zolo line of toys caught my eye because it’s all products for men, and there just aren’t that many good toys for boys out there. There’s Tenga and Fleshlight, and there are other companies that dabble in making male masturbators, but the field is pretty limited compared to what’s available for women.

Hoping for something new and innovative, I was kinda pissed when it turned out that Zolo is just a blatant rip-off of Tenga.

The toy I scored for my boyfriend is the Corner Pocket, a single-use masturbator made of a stretchy material. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a bad knock-off of Tenga Eggs.

My boyfriend wholeheartedly recommends the original Tenga product over this sad Zolo copy, for the following reasons:

1. The Zolo is made of a more rubbery-feeling material that seems cheaper and grosser.

2. The packet of lube that comes with the Zolo lists a whole whack of nasty ingredients, like glycerin, propylene glycol, and parabens. Granted, this lube isn’t intended to go into a vagina, so these pussy-unfriendly chemicals aren’t a huge deal – but Zolo’s lube is still significantly stickier and cheaper-feeling than the lube that comes with Tenga products. My boyfriend was so disgusted by the lubey residue left on him after using the toy that he had to immediately go rinse himself off.

3. The texture inside the Zolo toy isn’t nearly as raised and detectable as the Tenga textures. In fact, it’s so shallow that he could barely feel it. He was able to reach orgasm using the Zolo, but he didn’t find it to be a pleasant experience at all, and said he would’ve preferred to just use his hand.

4. Zolo Pocket Pool toys are $2 more expensive than Tenga Eggs, which feels kind of like paying $500 for a cheap made-in-China derivative of a $400 designer handbag, y’know?

In summary: Tenga rules, Zolo drools.

Big Sex Toy News! + Massager Vibes

Kate Sloan

Ladies and gents, are you sitting down? Because I’ve got some earthshattering news for you…

The Hitachi Magic Wand is no longer called the Hitachi Magic Wand.

I’m just piecing together tweets from the International Lingerie Show to try to figure out what happened, so forgive me if I’m off the mark, but it seems that the Hitachi brand decided it no longer wanted to be associated with the Magic Wand and almost stopped production, before Vibratex took on the responsibility of continuing the Wand’s legacy.

It has apparently been renamed simply the “Magic Wand” (how hard is that going to be to get used to?!) and the motor has been updated to be smoother and more reliable (but still just as strong, so don’t worry).

I have extremely mixed feelings on the Hitachi – whoops, I mean Magic Wand – but they were mostly negative, I guess, because I gave mine away months ago. It was too buzzy and numbing for my tastes.

My wand-style massager of choice is the Bodywand, which is stronger and more adjustable than the classic it’s modeled after. It also has a cuter aesthetic.

I hear good things about the large Lelo Smart Wand, too, though I haven’t had the pleasure of trying one yet.

My very favorite massager-style vibe, though, is always and forever the Wahl 2-Speed. It’s heavy and awkward to hold, but it makes up for those shortcomings by being stronger and rumblier than the Magic Wand. Amazing.

Are you perplexed by the Hitachi news? Will you buy the new Magic Wand? What are your other favorite massager vibes?

Photo via Laura Anne Stuart.

Review: SSA Glass Royal Adventure

Kate Sloan

Dear SSA Glass: I love you, I love you, I love you! Sincerely, GJ’s vagina.

Seriously, though – this month I was lucky enough to receive a Royal Adventure dildo, and my ladybits are smitten.

Previously, my favorite SSA Glass toy was the Amethyst, with the Bubbly coming in a close second, but the whimsically-named Royal Adventure has usurped them both.

Like all the toys this company makes, this one is made of glass, but unlike all their other toys, the Royal Adventure is semi-realistic (in layman’s terms: it kinda looks like a penis). It has a defined head, complete with a coronal ridge and a little faux frenulum, and its shape and size are reasonably average. (It has an insertable length of 6″ and a diameter of 1 ¼”.)

The not-so-realistic element of this dildo is the corkscrew-like ridgy texture that swirls around its shaft from base to head. These ridges are intense and are spaced closer together than I’m used to, so at first they felt foreign and jarring – but with enough lube and arousal goin’ on, I quickly grew to love this texture.

The Royal Adventure has a curve, but it’s hardly anything at all; this isn’t a G-spot toy. Rather than targeting a particular spot, it stimulates the entire front wall of my vagina, while also being long enough to nudge my A-spot.

Another notable thing about the Royal Adventure is that it’s harness-compatible. This is pretty uncommon for glass toys. I can think of a few people who would look totally foxy with this sapphire beauty strapped to them. It’d work not just for vaginal penetration but also for pegging, if the recipient’s ass is experienced enough to be able to handle the texture and firmness.

In summary, yeah, I absolutely adore the Royal Adventure. It is so good that I can forgive SSA Glass for occasionally making baffling mistakes, like releasing an entirely smooth and straight dildo.

Review: JeJoue SaSi

Kate Sloan

Imagine how you would feel about a lover who was totally inept at getting you off, who always seemed to change their technique just as you were getting close to coming, and who approached your genitals with a grimace of apprehension, and you’ll understand how I feel about the JeJoue SaSi.

Several years old and probably discontinued by now (though still available through Sex Toys Canada), the SaSi seemed unbelievably innovative when it first launched. It’s an oral sex simulator consisting of a small ball moving around underneath a silicone covering in various patterns that are meant to be tongue-like. Most notably, you can actually “program” the SaSi using its “skip” and “don’t stop” buttons, so it’ll learn what kind of patterns you like and give you more of those.

In theory? Bravo, JeJoue, you brilliant geniuses! In practice? Ugh, fuck you, SaSi, I hate you.

Problem number one: the motions kind of suck (and not in the “oh, yeah, suck on my clit just like that” way, unfortunately). They’re random, erratic, and weird. My inner labia and the sides of my clit have never gotten so much lovin’ in their life – which is great for them, I guess, but those aren’t the most responsive parts of my pussy. There are only a few patterns that focus on the top-centre of my clit where most of my sensitivity is, and none of them are a steady back-and-forth or up-and-down motion. This makes no sense.

Problem number two: the ball is too damn slow. It has three speeds and even the highest one feels merely like teasing and not like actual competent tonguing.

Problem number three: the SaSi does have vibration in addition to its minuscule movements, and you’d think vibes would improve the sensation, but I actually can’t feel the ball moving when the vibrations are on. I suspect this is because the ball can barely be felt when the vibrations aren’t on.

To the SaSi’s credit, it’s an elegant-looking toy, it feels relatively ergonomic in my hand (like a computer mouse!), and its silicone covering is removable so you can wash and sterilize it without ruining the rest of the toy. These are all good things, but they’re not enough to make SaSi a good or even passable sex toy.

If you want an oral sex simulator that may actually be able to get you off, try the Sqweel 2 or the oscillating mode on the Jimmyjane Form 2. But please, for the love of all things sexy and orgasmic, do not buy the SaSi. It is 100% frustrating and cruel.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Review: Sportsheets Doggie Style Strap

Kate Sloan

At their best, sex toys enhance your sex life (whether solo, partnered, or both) and improve your pleasure. At their worst, they can injure you. And at their most mediocre, they make no discernable changes to your experience. That last option is the best one to describe the Sportsheets Doggie Style Strap.

It’s a pink and black fuzzy strap with rough handles that remind me of the adjusters that hung down from your second-grade backpack. The strap goes around the front of the midsection of whoever’s getting fucked, and then the person doing the fucking takes ahold of the handles and this arrangement is supposed to make doggie-style fucking a whole lot more “comfortable” and “intense.”

As doggie-style is maybe my favorite position, I thought I should at least try a product like this. I’m glad I did, because now I know my boyfriend doesn’t need any extra crap to help him fuck me like a champ.

We switched back and forth several times between using and not using the strap, and I really couldn’t feel a difference at all. He wasn’t able to go deeper, harder, or faster when using it. He also said it was no easier than when he just holds my hips with his hands.

Additionally, maybe because I’ve got big hips, the rough handles rubbed on my sides, which started to feel like carpet burn after a short while.

It’s possible that this strap would have something to offer for people with mobility issues, but for regular able-bodied joes like me and my boyfriend, it gets in the way more than it helps.