Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Jopen Key Comet Wand

Kate Sloan

The Jopen Key Comet Wand is the must-have sex toy of 2013.

Yeah, I said it.

In previous years, everyone clamored over intriguing G-spot treasures like the Njoy Pure Wand, VixSkin Mustang, and Lelo Ella. And while I still love those toys, their time in the limelight is more-or-less over. The Comet Wand is the hot new star on the scene.

It has what is widely considered the holy trifecta of epic G-spot stimulation: a severe curve, a big bulbous head, and unrelenting firmness. This combination works for many people but you’ll want to look at your past experiences with G-spot toys to figure out if the Comet Wand is right for you. Some people have issues with curved toys catching on their pubic bone during thrusting, for example.

The Comet Wand is also too girthy for beginners, and even sometimes for me. It’s 1 ½" across at the widest point, and is 100% firm with no give whatsoever, so it’s certainly not a wimp, size-wise (but it’s not huge either).

That said, if your anatomy can contend with the Comet Wand’s size and curve, and if you like G-spot stimulation, you will freak the fuck out over this toy, guaranteed.

It provides some of the most intense G-spot sensations I’ve ever, ever encountered. I don’t squirt, but I can tell that if I did, this toy would be the catalyst of some very messy adventures. It feels so astonishingly good that sometimes I set down my clitoral vibe mid-session and just luxuriate in the sensations emanating from my vagina. That is not something that happens often for me.

The Comet Wand is made of glass dipped in smooth silicone. The glass gives it its firmness, while the silicone stops it from feeling deathly cold when you first touch it to your body. I love this combination of materials, though I will say that this particular formulation of silicone seems to eat lube like nobody’s business. I typically have to reapply at least 2 or 3 times per session. It’s worth it for me, but if you’re stingy with your lube, stay away from this dildo.

The only other real concern I have about the Comet Wand is the seam where the glass part meets the silicone. There’s a small dip that goes all the way around the toy and seems a likely culprit for collecting lube and juices. My G-spot is shallow enough that I haven’t ever needed to insert the Comet Wand that far, but liquids could still conceivably drip down into that crack, so get out your old toothbrush when it’s time for cleaning.

Other than those few issues, though… the Comet Wand is pretty close to perfect. It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina. When sex toy reviewers look back on 2013 in a few years, they’ll think of the Comet.

Review: Leaf Spirit

Kate Sloan

Leaf is a company that tries desperately to market their toys as eco-friendly. First of all, they’re green, which looks cute as hell but doesn’t actually change their ecological footprint as far as I’m aware. Secondly, they’re rechargeable… like many, many other toys out there. And thirdly, they have a couple of other nice environmentally-conscious touches, like post-consumer recycled packaging and a natural canvas storage bag. If you’re eco-conscious, these vibes might appeal to you, but there’s really not that much setting them apart from any other rechargeable vibrator.

The one I chose, the Leaf Spirit, has a divine shape, which is what drew me to it. It’s tiny, curves to fit easily against my vulval mound, and has a gently pointed tip that my clit loves. It’s the kind of vibe that works well for use during missionary-style sex, because it fits so perfectly between bodies.

Aside from that, though, there isn’t much to love about the Spirit. Its motor, in particular, is hugely disappointing to me. At its highest speed, I’d say it’s comparable with the middle speeds of the Lelo Siri or maybe the lowest speed of the We-Vibe Tango. Translation: this is not for clits-o’-steel or even clits-o’-calcite.

Don’t get me wrong – the vibrations of the Spirit are nice (not so buzzy as to be numbing, yay!), they’re just not quite strong enough for me. If you find yourself staying on the low-to-middling speeds of your current vibrator (assuming it’s not the Hitachi or the Wahl, of course) then you might enjoy Leaf toys. I was able to reach orgasm with my Spirit once, but it took a long time and I had to pair it with a great G-spot dildo, which wouldn’t have been necessary with a vibe of passable strength.

The way the Spirit’s speed-changing mechanism works is kind of cool, if perhaps foreign to most toy users. You press its one button once to turn it on, and then hold it down any time you want to turn up the power. At any time, you can press it once to turn it off. This can be frustrating if you’re extremely accustomed to a different system, but I found it wasn’t that hard to get used to.

The Spirit has the added benefits of being waterproof and quiet, though I have to qualify that even if those are important criteria for you, the We-Vibe Tango is still better.

At about $120 depending on the store, the Leaf Spirit is ridiculously overpriced for a toy that really doesn’t deliver in the vibrations department. But if your clit is ultra-sensitive and you dig the sweet green aesthetic of Leaf toys, you might not be as disappointed as I was.

Review: Power VIP

Kate Sloan

Little information is available on the internet about the Power VIP vibrator. I got mine for $13 in JT’s Stockroom’s clearance section, where it’s known as the “Power Oscillator” – obviously intended to evoke my all-time favorite sex toy, the Eroscillator.

The toy arrived in an excessively large box which contained only the base unit and four attachments – no instructions. I looked up the toy’s distributor, Miko Exoticwear, hoping to get some information from them about the product’s origins and uses, but apparently Miko closed in 2008. I guess this explains why the Power VIP is listed as discontinued on many sites, and has ended up in the Stockroom clearance bin.

If you know a little about sex toys, you probably know that the Eroscillator is unparalleled. I don’t mean that it’s necessarily the greatest toy in the world – some people just don’t like it and don’t understand what the hype is about – but that there is truly no other toy like it. A few companies have attempted to make similar oscillating toys (oscillations, unlike vibrations, don’t cause numbness and tend to feel deeper), but these competitors have been massive failures. Naturally, the Power VIP is no different.

First off, the attachments. The box the toy came in (which is my only source of information about this product, given the lack of an instruction manual) says that they are made of a “hygienic fully washable material.” I have to wonder if this copywriter thought the only criteria for being hygienic is being washable; this is obviously a dysfunctional criteria, as even a rabid raccoon could be considered “hygienic” by these standards.

The attachments smell like horse manure. They seem to be made of some sort of rubber but I’m not sure. The strangest thing, though, is that none of the attachments are purportedly designed to be used on the clitoris. One of them is a “tongue” made for “all-over body massage,” one is a “plug” made for “vaginal and anal stimulation,” one is a “breast stimulator with nipple cup,” and one is intended for the G-spot. Surely this toy was designed by a man, one who is so out of touch with female anatomy and the sex toy world that he managed to completely forget about the clit.

My favorite attachment is the “plug.” It’s cylindrical and has little nubs all over it. I like it because it stimulates my entire clitoral shaft, and it seems to conduct the vibrations the best.

Did I say “vibrations”? Yes, I did. There’s no evidence that this toy actually oscillates. But, to its credit, it doesn’t actually claim to be an oscillator – only JT’s Stockroom slapped that label on it. The VIP’s box calls the toy a vibrator, so don’t be too disappointed that that’s exactly what it is.

The vibrations are, surprisingly, passable. There are only two settings, high and low. Low is laughably weak, but high is actually a nice speed that can bring me to orgasm in just a few minutes, rumbly enough that it doesn’t leave me numb.

The VIP is rechargeable, so you can’t expect the power of a plug-in vibrator, but it’s okay for what it is. But speaking of rechargeability… The VIP has a green light which turns on when it’s charging, but never seems to turn off. Even when I charge the damn thing for over 12 hours, that light remains on, so I never know if the toy is done charging or not. Needless to say, this is aggravating.

What little promotional material I’ve been able to find online about the Power VIP has claimed that it can last for up to 90 minutes on a charge (45 minutes on the high setting, which is the one I use 99% of the time). It’s certainly not going to break any records for best battery life, but it holds its charge pretty well when not in use.

While the Power VIP isn’t the worst vibrator I’ve ever used, I’m pissed that it’s advertised as an “oscillator” when it obviously can’t even live up to my love, let alone actually oscillate. Let this be a lesson to you, as if you didn’t already know: the clearance bin isn’t a good place to find the next toy that’ll rock your world.

Review: We-Vibe 3

Kate Sloan

Ah, couples’ vibrators. Such a wonderful idea in theory, so often poorly executed in practice.

Prior to my latest attempt at enjoying a couples’ vibe, the We-Vibe 3, I had tried the Lelo Tiani and the FixSation, neither of which impressed me. Both weren’t strong enough to get me off, both had shitty remote strength, and both tended to numb me out so it was still hard to get off even after I’d switch to a different toy. Boooo.

The We-Vibe 3 is better, but hardly. It has all the same problems that every other couples’ vibe I’ve tried has had: not strong enough, not rumbly enough, and bad signal strength.

Let’s talk about vibrations. You’d think We-Vibe would know what they’re doing in this department, since their Tango is one of my all-time favorite vibes: amazingly strong and rumbly, with four different speeds to scroll through, plus some cool patterns. The We-Vibe 3 has the same patterns as the Tango, but only two speeds, which just doesn’t work for me. I need to “ramp it up” gradually over time, or I go numb way too fast or get overstimulated and have to back off.

The Tango’s vibrations range from 3000 to 4800 RPM (keeping in mind that a lower RPM means a rumblier, deeper vibration quality), whereas the We-Vibe 3’s vibrations are either 3000 or 5500, depending on what setting you’re on. This means that the highest speed is way buzzier than the Tango’s top speed, resulting in increased numbness and a very surface-level sensation.

Also, I don’t know what the deal is, but the silicone of the We-Vibe 3 just doesn’t conduct vibrations nearly as well as the hard plastic of the Tango. I know a lot of people are sex toy snobs and will pick silicone over plastic any day, but I think this is one situation in which plastic would’ve been the better choice. At least then I could feel all the vibrations this toy puts out.

As for the remote – like every sex toy remote I’ve tried, the We-Vibe’s remote (which is admittedly ergonomic, relatively discreet, and easy to grip) needs to be pointed directly at the toy in order to work, and it often needs at least two or three tries before anything happens. A fold of skin or segment of muscle in the way, like a labia or thigh, will tend to make the remote useless.

And as if you weren’t annoyed enough already, it only has one button, which cycles through the two speeds and four modes. This is true of the Tango as well, but of course, it’s much more irritating when each setting change takes a few presses and a precise angle to make it work.

But I don’t hate everything about the We-Vibe. Its shape is surprisingly comfortable and stable; it never pokes me in the vaginal wall or slides around, like the Lelo Tiani does. When the inner arm is lubed, my boyfriend’s average-sized penis can slide right in, and it doesn’t feel like my vagina is over-stuffed at all.

My boyfriend is a fan of the We-Vibe, for two main reasons: first, the vibrations distract him just enough that he can actually last longer when it’s on, and second, it works best when we’re pressed up tight against each other in missionary (which is his favorite way to have sex, because it’s so intimate).

It’s also completely waterproof (including the remote), and charges in a little dock via conduction (including the remote), which is pretty cool.

But I just can’t get on board with the We-Vibe 3. Its vibrations aren’t good enough. They’re surface-level, they’re weakened by the silicone they’re embedded in, and the sub-par remote frustrates me to no end. This toy does make sex feel better, but it can’t make me come, and that’s an issue for me.

Ask Girly Juice: The Best of the Best (So Far)

Kate Sloan

Julie asked: Do you actually use all/most of the toys in your collection? It seems like a lot to have to keep in constant rotation.

Oh boy! No, I definitely don’t use every toy I own on a regular basis. Some of them sucked right off the bat, so I retired them immediately after finishing my review; some were okay, but not remarkable, so they only get used when I’m in an eccentric mood; some I have given away to friends because I disliked them or just felt ambivalent about them.

Out of my collection of 80+ toys, only a few really get used more than once a month.

My most-used toy is indubitably the Eroscillator. It lives on my bedside table and is plugged in at all times, because it’s my go-to toy for masturbation and for when I want to reach orgasm while my partner is fucking me. It’s perfect and always gets the job done.

Some other favorite vibrators of mine are the We-Vibe Tango and Jimmyjane Form 2. These tend to hang out on my nightstand as well, or in my top drawer. And lately I’ve fallen in love with the Wahl all over again – it provides the most intense clitoral orgasms I’ve ever experienced from a toy. Hot damn!

As for dildos… The one I reach for the most is the Tantus Acute. I like it because it’s a surprisingly great G-spot toy and it’s also small enough that I don’t have to warm up to it. Last night I actually seriously considered buying a second Acute incase something ever happens to mine, heaven forbid.

Some other oft-used dildos of mine are the Pure Wand (of course), the VixSkin Mustang, and the Ophoria Beyond 3 (it’s discontinued! Boooo!). Lately I’ve also been enjoying the absurdly satisfying Jopen Comet Wand, though I think it might be a bit too girthy and firm to become a toy I use all the time.

And as far as anal toys go, the Pure Plugs definitely reign supreme. I started with the medium and recently upgraded to the large, and both are top-notch plugs that I wear at least once every couple of weeks.

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