Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider

Kate Sloan

California Exotics makes a few different toys with the name “Turbo Glider.” This is the Raspberry Crush one. Its brother, the Blueberry Bliss, gained notoriety among sex toy aficionados a few years ago when a popular toy retailer offered it as a free gift with any order; then Epiphora wrote a love letter to it on her blog. Despite only costing around $15, it’s got a pretty significant fanbase.

The Raspberry Crush shares a lot of the qualities that made the Blueberry Bliss so successful. It’s made of hard plastic, perhaps the only “cheap” sex toy material that’s also body-safe and non-porous. It’s 100% waterproof and doesn’t weaken underwater. It’s got a hell of a lot of power for a $15 battery-powered toy. It can be used both internally and externally. And its outer casing is translucent, so you can see the inner workings of the motor, which is just cool.

Overall, I prefer the Blueberry, because my vagina enjoys its shape more (ripples, ooh la la). The Raspberry has a nice shape too, boasting a slightly flared head that my G-spot finds moderately pleasing, but the toy is too skinny for me to be able to feel the little bumps on it, unless I purposely rub them against my vaginal walls. I also find that the Blueberry’s tip conducts vibration better; the bulk of the Raspberry’s vibration is located a few inches below the tip, and that’s not always convenient.

I’ll always recommend the Turbo Glider toys to beginners, especially those who say they’re looking for something cheap. I don’t know of any other vibes that have this much power for this low a price, while also being body-safe. You get a lot of bang (and buzz) for your buck.

The only real downsides to these toys: they’re quite buzzy, and quite loud. So if you need deeper, lower-pitched vibrations to get off, or it’s important that you be discreet, look elsewhere.

While I do prefer its Blueberry brother, the Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider is a reliable, well-rounded, and satisfyingly standard vibrator.

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit

Kate Sloan

Jimmyjane’s Iconic Rabbit has been on my sex toy wishlist for a long, long time – since before I started reviewing. I’ve always enjoyed dual stimulation and had romanticized the idea of a rabbit vibrator as the perfect solution. And Jimmyjane’s rabbit is so much prettier than all the disgusting pink-and-purple jelly ones on the market. I had to have it.

I must confess, though: I actually own one of those gross jelly rabbits. I bought it before I knew better. And although its plasticky smell worried me and the material made my vagina burn after every session, the stimulation was ideal. The shaft twirled against my wanton G-spot. The rabbit ears thrummed against my clit. It got me off spectacularly and quickly, every time. The damn thing was waterproof, too, so I could even take it in the bath with me. If it hadn’t been made of jelly, I probably would have married it.

I expected Jimmyjane’s rabbit to top the one I have from California Exotics, but other than material, there’s no category in which the Iconic Rabbit is as good as my old jelly rabbit.

First of all, you should know: Jimmyjane does not actually make, and did not design, this toy. It’s from their “Usual Suspects” collection, a set of classic sex toys curated and whitewashed by Jimmyjane. The Iconic Rabbit is identical to Vibratex’s very famous Rabbit Habit toy, except that it’s all white, made of “body-safe elastomer,” and has the words “Iconic Rabbit” written on it. I must admit, it looks hella classy.

Elastomer, by the way, is not the worst sex toy material out there (like jelly), but it’s certainly not the best. It’s porous, so you can never fully sterilize it for sharing with a non-fluid-bonded partner. And you certainly can’t put it in your ass if you ever want to use it vaginally again. But on the plus side, it’s compatible with all kinds of lube (I was too nervous to test it with silicone-based lube, though).

The vibrating rabbit ears have that high-pitched, buzzy quality that makes them seem startlingly strong at first and then maddeningly imperceptible after a few minutes, because of the numbness they cause. They’re also really thin and floppy, so they don’t stay on the hood of my clit where I need them. This is obnoxious as fuck; I do not have the patience to re-adjust a toy every ten seconds while I’m trying to get off.

The twirling shaft is highly amusing to look at, and feels great on my G-spot and vaginal walls. The movements are so big, however, that the toy tends to move around a fair bit unless I grip it very tightly. As you might expect, this really doesn’t help the whole “runaway clit stimulator” problem.

The toy’s main issue is its power distribution. Remember when I said the clit vibe can feel very strong at first? That strength vanishes as soon as you turn on the shaft. Each part of the toy steals power from the other. This isn’t a new or unique problem for a rabbit vibe to have, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I don’t think I need to explain how frustrating it is to have to choose between clit stimulation and G-spot rubbing to be able to get off – especially since this is supposed to be a dual-stimulation toy, not an “only one type of satisfying stimulation at a time” toy.

It also has two faces on it. A rabbit face below the bunny ears, and a weird cartoon woman face on the underside of the shaft. I don’t know how you feel about anthropomorphized sex toys, but if you’re not a fan, you’ll hate this one.

I had high hopes for the Iconic Rabbit, and it did not deliver. It has yet to give me an orgasm, because of its weak clitoral vibrations – except for one time, when the bunny ears shifted off my clit about 5 seconds before I was about to come (ARGH) and the shaft pushed me into a weird, unsatisfying, G-spot-based half-orgasm that left me too frustrated to stop but too oversensitive to continue. (THE WORST!) As much as I wanted to love this toy, I just can’t recommend it to anyone – especially with its $100 price tag.

Review: Fun Factory Rainbow Amor

Kate Sloan

During a recent trip to New York, I went to Babeland in the hopes of buying a Hitachi Magic Wand. Tragically, they were sold out (don’t worry, I ended up getting one eventually), so I bought the next toy to catch my eye: the Babeland-exclusive rainbow version of the Fun Factory Amor. I’m glad I did; it’s no Hitachi, but it’s a sweet little dildo.

The Amor is a harness-compatible toy that’s fairly short and squat, with 5" of insertable length and a diameter of just under 1 ½". It’s supposed to be a good tool for G-spotting, though I was initially skeptical of its abilities because its curve is subtle and its head is barely pronounced. It’s made of 100% silicone that’s fairly firm but has some give.

So how does the Amor measure up to the similar Tantus Acute, one of my favorite G-spotters? Amor has less curve and a less defined head, but it’s also thicker and slightly firmer. To my surprise, it hits my G-spot with ease – and because it’s got a decent girth to it, I don’t have to angle it weirdly like I do with the Acute. The sensation isn’t quite as intense as it is with my Acute, which I think is owed to the Amor’s barely-prominent head, but I don’t always want an extreme, knee-weakening amount of G-spot stimulation. Sometimes just having it rubbed is enough and a full-blown attack isn’t necessary.

The Amor’s shaft is totally smooth and almost straight once you get past the head, so my vag sometimes wishes for a bit more stimulation in the first couple inches. This is a dildo for when I want to give my G-spot some lovin’ but don’t really care about my vaginal walls. Same deal with my A-spot – the Amor’s too short to reach it, so I’ll have to be in a pretty specific mood to crave this one.

While the Amor isn’t the kind of dildo that leaves my legs trembling and my pussy utterly satiated, it’s cute-looking and it does a good enough job. And it’ll make a killer addition to my Pride outfit next year.

Review: Sqweel 2

Kate Sloan

I have been excited about the Sqweel for a long, long time. Ever since it won a Lovehoney design competition years ago and they began marketing it as the first real oral sex simulator, I knew I had to have it. Sex toy obsession, meet my cunnilingus obsession.

Of course, I doubted it would really feel like oral sex. Especially since my boyfriend is a fucking cunnilingus master. He has studied my body and my responses and has honed his technique to the point where receiving oral is practically a spiritual experience for me. He always gives me a lot of variety while he’s teasing me up the hill toward my orgasm, but then he also knows exactly what methodical rhythm and circular motion I need in order to come. He’s a vagina genius – a vagenius, if you will. So how could a toy possibly compare with that?

It doesn’t. No toy will ever be as good as being tended to by a skilled and caring lover. But the Sqweel 2 is still worth getting if you like oral.

You might recall seeing the original Sqweel around the blogosphere a few years back. It was a simple design – a matte black disc-shaped case which snapped open to reveal ten flapping tongues on a three-speed rotating wheel. The second incarnation of the Sqweel has the same premise and mechanism, but it’s been updated: it has a stronger motor (apparently), a glossier case, a reverse function, and a “flicker” mode. Nifty.

My first warning about using the Sqweel: have lube on hand. Lots of it. If you’re not prepared to use a lot of lube every time you use this toy, then don’t even bother. Who likes getting slapped by dry, draggy tongues? Not me. Not you, either, I’m guessing.

Second warning: this toy will never work for you if you like pressure. It slows down rather pathetically when any significant amount of pressure is applied. I think the Sqweel could be a potential solution for women who find themselves too dependent on pressure and vibration to get off, as it might be able to help them ease their way out of “female death grip syndrome” – but if you need pressure and have no desire to change that, the Sqweel will not be your cup of tea.

And a few more warnings before we get to the good stuff: the Sqweel is loud and thus not very discreet, it takes three AAA batteries, and it’s not waterproof, as much as I’d love it to be.

Because I had heard so many mixed reviews of the Sqweel, I assumed I’d dislike it. And at first, I did. I lubed up my clit, held the toy to it, and turned it on – and it felt sort of blah. Ten silicone tongues flapping against my sensitive bits? So what?

But when I gave it time to do its thing, it built me up slowly to an orgasm that ended up being big and intense and shuddering, similar to the orgasms I experience from actual oral sex.

I picked up a couple of the alternative silicone wheels sold for the Sqweel, called Sqweelers. They’re for those of us who don’t like the standard “tongues” insert, or just want some variety. One of them is called the Wave, and it has little tiny tongues in the middle and two thin flaps, one on each side. This one looks weird when it’s not in use, but when it’s lubed and spinning on my clit, it actually feels like someone’s sucking me. Do you realize how amazing that is?!

The other Sqweeler I bought is called the Pearl. It has nubs on either side and a series of larger nubs or bumps in the middle. In use, this one feels like longer, firmer licks, the kind someone gives you when they’re trying to make you beg. And on the higher speeds, it feels like fast firm licks – perfect for sending me over the edge.

I find the original tongues insert is great for teasing and build-up, and so is the Wave insert. I can get off with all three of them easily, but the Pearl brings the most satisfying orgasms because it seems to apply the most pressure to my clit. The other two inserts just give up and keep on flappin’ when my clit is most in need of pressure, but the Pearl feels perfect while I’m coming.

The Sqweel’s three speeds are generally sufficient. There are times when I wish there was a fourth speed, but keep in mind: this toy doesn’t vibrate, so it’s not going to numb you out. I find that this lack of numbness means I’ll always be able to come eventually, even if I have to hang out on the highest speed for quite a while. (And honestly, that’s the way my body works when I’m receiving real oral sex, too, so whatever.)

So does the Sqweel 2 serve as a suitable replacement for an orally gifted partner? Hell naw, nothing does. But it’s still a wonderfully unique toy that gets me off and feels fantastic. I find myself actively craving it pretty often these days, which I have to assume is a good sign.

Thanks so much to Sex Toys Canada for hooking me up with this great toy!

Review: Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg

Kate Sloan

The Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg comes in many different sizes, ranging from extra small to extra large. Normally this would be a good thing, but for a kegel product with no retrieval cord, I can only recommend the extra small size… and only to people who are comfortable putting at least half their hand into their vagina.

I was sent the small size, which isn’t that small: 1 ½” in diameter, the same width as some of the bigger dildos my vagina can handle.

It’s a beautiful product: totally smooth all over, softly pointed ends, high-quality glass. As an object of beauty or a paperweight, it’s flawless. However, as a vaginal product, I can’t recommend it.

I inserted it with only a minimal amount of lube. (Don’t do this. Trust me.) I stood up and bounced around, checking how well it stayed in. It didn’t move or shift at all, which should have been a warning sign; the mechanism by which vaginal eggs exercise the PC muscle is by feeling like they’re almost slipping out, thereby forcing you to clench your muscles to keep the egg inside. There was none of that feeling with this egg, because it’s too big and I’m too tight, evidently, even when totally relaxed.

After noting that the egg’s shape and dimensions fit my vagina so well that I couldn’t even feel the damn thing inside me (disappointing), I tried to push it out with my vaginal muscles.

Nothing happened. I reached inside and tried to pull or push it out of me, and again, nothing happened. This is when I started to panic.

My boyfriend was there at the time, luckily. I laid on my back with my legs pulled up and instructed him to lube up two fingers and try to extract the egg. He did, and we spent a good fifteen minutes like that, him fishing around in my vag and me trying to bear down with my muscles. Let me tell you, it was not comfortable. (Irrelevant sidebar: my boyfriend was hard the whole time. Not because he found my pain arousing, but because he gets hard easily and he was touching my vagina. If I hadn’t been in so much discomfort, I would have laughed.)

We even tried inserting the Magic Banana as a sort of makeshift vaginal lasso, but by then, the egg had gone up fairly deep into me and I didn’t want to push it in any further by accident.

Then I remembered that there is a position in which the contents of my vagina (e.g. a menstrual cup) tend to slip out, even when I don’t want them to. I know this because it’s the position I usually sleep in, but can’t when I’m on my period, lest my cup fall out and ruin my bedding.

The position involves lying on my stomach, with one leg (usually the right one, though it probably doesn’t matter) pulled up and bent. Imagine a flamingo or a person hopping on one foot, except lying down on their front. That’s basically what it looks like.

I laid in that position and pushed out rhythmically with my muscles while my boyfriend looked on. After a few minutes of that, I finally gave birth to the egg. And then immediately vowed never to try it again.

The product itself isn’t a bad one. Having no retrieval cord isn’t a big deal if the toy is shaped and sized in such a way that it can come out easily with a little pushing. But if the “small” size was big enough to get lodged in my vag, I have to wonder who would possibly want to use the medium, large, and extra large sizes. True, they’ll stay in all day if you want ‘em to, but a) that defeats the purpose of a kegel product and b) you might need an excavation team to get them out of you.

Thanks so much to Luscious Playthings for letting me try out this product!