Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Maddie’s Dungeon paddle and flogger

Kate Sloan

I will admit, it is tricky for me, a fairly vanilla (though extremely sex-positive) person, to write a proper review on implements of kink. I’m very aware of the fact that my perspective is probably going to be different from that of the target audience of these products. But I will write this anyway, because Maddie’s Dungeon was nice enough to send me a couple of lovely handmade spanking tools, and I want to tell you about them.

Of the two items, the oak paddle is definitely my favorite. There’s nothing fancy about this paddle – it’s just a smoothly-cut piece of wood with an easy-to-hold handle and a removable wrist strap – but it serves as an excellent reminder of why simplicity is a good thing. It gets the job done.

I thought my first foray into being spanked with a paddle would be significantly more painful than just getting spanked with a hand, but the paddle doesn’t change the amount of pain – just the kind of pain. My boyfriend’s hand produces a thuddy, dull pound, whereas the oak paddle is much more sting-y. I like both sensations a lot, and they both transmit vibration into my pussy – yum.

My boyfriend had primarily two comments on his experience using the paddle: he wondered about the usefulness of the wrist strap (I’ve been using it to hang the paddle from my curtain rod for storage, but we haven’t found another use for it) and he liked that the paddle is wide enough that he can hit both my asscheeks at the same time.

The major flaw of this paddle is that the wood isn’t treated with varnish. Apparently it’s thinly coated in mineral oil, but this doesn’t do much in terms of smoothing it out. I’m slightly worried about splinters with this one – I think Maddie’s Dungeon could vastly improve their wooden goods by giving them a coating in wooden salad bowl finish, or something like NobEssence’s “Lubrosity.”

As for the leather flogger (I can’t find the exact same one in their shop, but this one is close enough) – I don’t like it as much. I guess that’s to be expected, given that I’ve barely stuck my toe into the ocean of kink… but it’s not just that. My boyfriend and I both feel that it’s not very sexy-looking, with its pale grey half-braided falls and its messily-wrapped handle.

The flogger does sting, though, as it should, and it’s easy to wield. I think we’ll mostly be sticking to the paddle, however, since it feels more intimate and the level of pain is easier to control – plus, I just think it looks cuter in my boyfriend’s hand.

Thanks very much to Maddie’s Dungeon for donating some of their beautiful wares for review! Check out their paddles, crops and floggers if you’re looking to explore your inner painslut.

Review: Eroscillator

Kate Sloan

Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you!

The folks at SexToysCanada were very generous this month. They let me choose any toy I wanted to review. I chose the Eroscillator, and I’m damn glad I did.

This thing is the best clit stimulator I have ever tried. Period. No other sex toy has ever made my clit as happy as the Eroscillator does. And I’ll tell you why.

1. The oscillations don’t numb me out. The Eroscillator doesn’t pound against your body like a regular vibrator – instead, it oscillates (picture an oscillating fan). I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with vibrators because they desensitize me so quickly – I usually only have about 10 minutes before I go mostly numb and find it difficult to reach orgasm with the toy. Not so with the Eroscillator. The Eros allows me to retain all the sensation from my clit’s 8,000 nerve endings for the entire duration of my solo sexytime, so every moment of oscillation is felt and enjoyed. And I can play as long as I want, without worrying about trying to race my clit to the finish line. Hallelujah!

2. Multiple attachments. The Eroscillator 2 Plus package comes with three dual-headed attachments: the Grapes and Cockscomb, Golden Spoon, and Ball and Cup.

The Grapes head is suuuper textured. It’s covered in ten bulbous balls that all massage the clit at once. I find it’s very intense and ideal for when I’m already warmed up and getting close to orgasm. Its flipside, the Cockscomb, is a thin semicircle whose edge provides the most direct, undiluted access to the oscillations of any of the attachment heads; I find this head is great for pushing me over the edge, though I can’t handle it at a lower arousal level.

The Golden Spoon doesn’t do much for me. It’s too shallow to properly cup my clit, and even when it does, the little ball at the top of the spoon is too harsh for my little clit. On the flipside are eight small balls, with a space in the middle where my clit can fit, but I don’t particularly enjoy this attachment.

The Ball side of the Ball and Cup is nice for warm-up but doesn’t do much for me. The Cup side, on the other hand, fits perfectly over my clit. It was the first one I tried, and it was the one that made me go, “Oh my god, how can this possibly feel as good as it does?!”

I also bought the Ultra-Soft Fingertip attachment, because Betty Dodson says it’s the only one you need. Some people find this attachment too gentle, but I think it’s perfect. The Eroscillator’s oscillations are a tiny bit too intense for me, but the Fingertip calms them down to a level that is absolutely optimum for my purposes. Plus, it’s got no texture, so if the other attachments are too rough on your clit, this is the one to get.

3. High power. The Eroscillator is a plug-in toy. No batteries, no recharging, nothing. And the power cord is 12 feet long, so I can jerk off across the room from my outlet if that’s what I feel like doing. Because the Eros is electric, it never loses power. It always performs to the best of its ability.

It has three speeds, and all of them are lovely. I could probably reach orgasm using only the first setting, but it’s more fun to click up to medium, and then finally to high when I get close to coming. (The high setting may not be comparable with the Hitachi, but because oscillations are so different from vibrations, it’s still every bit as satisfying and functional as a high-powered vibrator.)

4. Quiet. The attachments rattle around a fair bit when the Eros is turned on, but as soon as I touch it to my body, the noise practically goes silent. It can barely be heard at all through my duvet, and definitely can’t be heard at all through my door.

5. Fast orgasms. Because the Eros’ movement basically mimics a finger moving back and forth, but much much faster, it can bring me the same kind of awesome orgasms I get from rubbing my clit, but in a much shorter time. I’m normally the type of girl who needs lots of warm-up and build-up, but with the Eros, I can go from “zero” to “orgasm” in under five minutes if need be.

That said, there are some issues with the Eroscillator that you’ll want to keep in mind if you’re considering buying it…

1. It’s overpriced. Especially considering that it’s made of plastic and you may not like the attachments it comes with. The Fingertip attachment I bought, which some reviewers have said is the only one they enjoy at all, is $40 extra on top of the $140 Eroscillator. I doubt I even would have sprung for the Fingertip if I hadn’t had a reviewers’ discount and some reward points saved up, because I really think the price is ridiculous.

2. The attachments aren’t silicone, but Eroscillator says that’s because their material is “a better alternative to silicone’s poor mechanical properties.” I dunno about that, but the materials are apparently non-porous, phthalate-free, boilable and bleachable. I still wish they were silicone because I just trust it more, but then, I’m a sex toy snob.

3. It doesn’t come with any storage solutions. Not even a bag to keep the attachments in. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the likes of Lelo and Njoy, but I’ve come to expect that if I shell out over $100 for a toy, it generally comes with a box, or at the very least, a drawstring bag. The Eroscillator comes in a cardboard box that’s difficult to use for storage. I keep my base unit on my bedside table and my attachments in a small plastic bag.

4. It’s ugly. I wasn’t sure whether to even include this point, because a) I don’t think the Eroscillator is that ugly and b) it doesn’t really matter to me anyway, because it’s still the best toy I’ve tried. But some people get hung up on the Eros’ appearance, saying it looks like an electric toothbrush or a medieval torture device. Whatever, man – if you turn it down because it doesn’t fit with your decor, you’re just missing out on some epic orgasms.

Overall, I’d highly recommend the Eroscillator to anyone with a clit. It’s strong, efficient, variable, thin enough to slide between two bodies during sex, and it produces some stellar orgasms. But if you need Hitachi-level vibration, or you don’t feel it’s worth the hefty investment, or you can’t get past its modest looks, maybe it’s not the toy for you.

I can tell you, though, that my clit is pretty damn enamored with this contraption, and I think yours would be too!

Thank you so much to the people at SexToysCanada for making my clit sing with pleasure!

Review: Tantus Ripple (small)

Kate Sloan

When PinkCherry.ca told me they were going to send me a small Tantus Ripple, I knew I was in for an adventure. I’ve done some anal play before, but the two anal toys I already have – a small tapered beginners’ piece, and the Ryder – are both plugs, designed to be worn for periods of time. This is quite different from the Ripple, which is a probe – it’s not meant to be worn, it’s meant to be used.

I was sent the Ripple in black, and it’s a great black – deep, badass, sexy. It looks like something a dominatrix would brandish at a client as a “punishment” – one part menacing, two parts delicious.

The Ripple boasts four beads, graduated in size from ¼" to 1". The two smallest beads are flimsy, due to their size, and like to flop around, which can pose a problem during insertion. It takes some finagling, but it’s never a problem getting the Ripple to slide in. Its size is perfect for a beginner – the smallest bead is about the size of a little finger, and the largest bead is closer to two of my fingers. This makes it great for warming up to a larger anal toy, if that’s what you want to do.

As I said, my other experiences with anal toys have been with plugs, so my first inclination with the Ripple was to leave it stationary inside me while masturbating… but that’s really not the best use of this toy. Its 5" length makes it feel slightly uncomfortable for me when it’s slid all the way in (am I hitting an inner sphincter?), so I don’t leave it there for long. Slowly sliding it in and out, however, is bliss. The beads create a satisfying, smooth “pop” without any pain or discomfort; it feels like my anus is being massaged, manipulated, in a wonderful way. It’s a great accompaniment to clitoral stimulation – I love holding my Eroscillator (review coming soon!) on my clit while stroking the Ripple in and out of my ass.

One thing that’s slightly sad about the Ripple is how quickly it makes me want something larger. I don’t know if it’s the graduated beads working their magic, or if this size of the Ripple really is very small, but I almost always crave a bigger toy after only a few minutes of playing with this one. Of course, I can always switch over to my Ryder, but the jump in size is still pretty wide. I wonder if the Ripple’s large size might be the next logical step for me, since it’s only a half-inch wider than the small one.

I also find it slightly annoying that I can’t leave the Ripple inside me without touching it or it’ll generally slide out. This is in part due to its slender shape, and in part due to its circular base (clearly not made to nestle between buttcheeks). I can’t fault the Ripple for not doing something it’s not made to do, but it would be cool to have a truly dual-purpose probe/plug.

Even though this toy hasn’t been a perfect match with my anatomy, I still believe Tantus reigns as the best source for high-quality silicone sex toys, both anal and vaginal. This experience has made me curious to try out some of Tantus’s other anal toys, like the Little Flirt, the small Silk, or the B-bomb.

Thanks so much, PinkCherry.ca, for putting a spring in my step and a Ripple in my butt!

Review: Tantus Flurry O2

Kate Sloan

When PinkCherry asked me to send them a list of toys I’d be interested in reviewing, I took my time with it. I combed through their site and noted down all sorts of items, from Pipedream to Lelo. But when I sat back and looked at the completed list, I noticed, to my surprise, an overwhelming amount of Tantus. It seemed strange to me because I already own the two Tantus toys I’d coveted the most, the Adam O2 and the Ryder – but I guess Tantus is just more covetable than a lot of other companies for me. Their toys are made of 100% platinum silicone (yay, sanitizability!), are always intelligently designed, come in a variety of colors, and are just overall fantastic.

So I was pretty excited when PinkCherry.ca sent me a Flurry O2 dildo. It’s from Tantus’s O2 line, which consists of all dual-density dildos – they have a core of firm silicone, and an outer layer of softer, squishier silicone, giving them a very real penis-like feeling. Oddly enough, my boyfriend and I both agreed that the Flurry is closer in feeling to his actual penis than the more realistic-looking Adam is – it feels a bit squishier, and the finish seems less sticky.

I was sent the Flurry in the color “twilight,” which is a beautiful pale lavender. The core layer is dark purple, while the soft outer layer is white; this gives the toy a lovely gradient throughout its body, an elegant touch I haven’t seen from anyone but Tantus.

I think of the Flurry as being like the cock of a vampire, or an alien. It’s not made to look realistic, with its two stacked heads and completely smooth shaft. It’s from the more martian-like branch of Tantus’s O2 line, so it doesn’t have veins, balls, a frenulum, or anything else that would make it similar to a penis – except for its obviously phallic shape and that doubled head.

This is the girthiest dildo I’ve ever used, at 1 ½” in circumference (though, admittedly, I am just starting out in the world of reviewing dildos – I’ve been more of a vibrator girl up til now). It takes plenty of warm-up and plenty of lube before I’m ready to let this thing impale me. But when I do, it is deliciously filling in the same way that my boyfriend’s dick is – comforting me with its width, rather than stretching me.

There are two major things to know about potential discomfort with the Flurry. The first is that it is silicone, so it eats lube, and has a bit of drag to it, more than something made of glass or steel would – and therefore, you may need more lube with it than you’d think.

The second thing is, of course, the bulbous ridges, designed to stimulate the G-spot. They do their job, but they are very intense. If you’re texture-sensitive, I wouldn’t recommend this one. Even drizzled in lube, I find these ridges somewhat uncomfortable on entry – though, that discomfort changes to pleasure pretty shortly.

The design of this dildo is a little odd in that it has no texture after the two ridges – so if you want that G-spot stimulation, you have to thrust the toy pretty shallowly. I’m okay with that, especially since I can’t even fit the toy’s whole 7″ inside me (I can get up to about 5 ½” before nudging my cervix), but it makes it a questionable choice for your partner to use on you during oral sex, since it might get in the way if thrusted that shallowly. Its girth does make it fabulous for clenching down on during orgasm, however.

Speaking of nudging my cervix… The Flurry is much softer and squishier at the tip than it is in the shaft, so if it does make contact with my cervix, it’s not a big deal, the way it is with glass. It doesn’t give me that “oh please god no” kind of pain that my cervix usually shoots out when clinked against pyrex. And that is definitely a blessing, especially with a toy as long as this one.

The wide, round base of the Flurry makes it harness-compatible and safe for anal (I didn’t tackle that challenge, because I am a total novice in the world of anal play). There’s a little raised “Tantus” logo at the base of the toy, parallel with the G-spot ridges, which I really appreciated because I have an issue with losing track of how dildos are oriented inside me.

I’d recommend this toy to someone who wants a stellar-quality, non-representational dildo with a bit of girth to it. You might not like it if you like intense G-spot stimulation and deep penetration at the same time, but if you like only one of those at once, the Flurry has got you covered.

Thanks so much, PinkCherry.ca, for bringing a bit of vampire dick into my life (and my vagina)! Check out their sex toy blog and enter their contest to win $100 in sex toys!

Review: SSA Glass Amethyst

Kate Sloan

The Amethyst has been on my wishlist for a long time. I could tell you I wanted it because it’s made of smooth, nonporous pyrex glass, or because of its G-spotting abilities… but honestly, the reason I wanted it is that it comes in a gorgeous, rich shade of royal blue – my favorite color in the world.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best justification for buying sex toys – but that’s okay, because this dildo turned out to be wonderful, despite the lack of sound reasoning that went into me requesting it.

Confession time: I’m something of a G-spotting beginner. Sure, I’ve tried the Ella, and doggie-style is my favorite position because of what it does to my insides, and I’ve had my boyfriend reduce me to a puddle of moaning bliss by forcefully rubbing my spot with his lube-drenched fingers… but somehow, I still feel like a total novice in this area. I can’t always accurately locate my own spot, and even with a partner, I find it very difficult to relax into the weird, new, sometimes uncomfortably intense sensations of G-spot play. Sometimes it feels like I’m approaching an orgasmic breakthrough, but then I get nervous that I’m going to pee on the sheets, so I freak out and tense up. Bummer.

Everyone tells me that I just need to relax, and put those worries out of my mind. And I figure the best way to do that is to do it alone. I’m certainly not going to judge me if I pee all over myself.

But back to the Amethyst… It’s gorgeous. Initially I thought it looked remarkably small, but of course, it’s not meant to be a filling fuck. It comes packaged in a red velvet pouch, perfect for storage.

The Amethyst is a dead ringer for the much-lauded Don Wands Bent Graduate – same shape, roughly the same size. Its G-spotting end, which I thought looked too curved and pointy-headed to possibly be comfortable (let alone pleasurable), actually slides right into me and locates my spot immediately. It’s disarmingly good at homing in on where it’s supposed to go.

The other end, just a series of ripples, feels very nice too, but I already have a dildo that’s almost identical to this side, so I didn’t find it especially exciting. It’s just enough yummy texture to be good for warm-up, but it can’t provide the G-spot pressure I crave when I get into the higher stages of arousal.

For me, at least, glass is a perfect material for a G-spotting toy. It’s firm and unyielding, so it can really press hard, unlike Ella. It’s completely nonporous, so any lube you use on it (water- or silicone-based) is going to work like a charm and make it ultra-slippery. It’s easy to sanitize, via boiling, antibacterial soap and water, or a 10% bleach rubdown. Plus, glass is just beautiful in a way that other toys can’t replicate.

I was definitely tempted to try out this toy anally, but the fact is, it’s not made for that. It doesn’t have a flared base, and because it’s so slippery, it would be easy to get it lost up there. But when even my ass is lusting for something, you know it’s a pretty hot toy.

I still haven’t been able to have G-spot orgasms or squirt, but this is the toy that’s brought me closest. It cups my spot, presses hard, is easy to thrust… It’s a G-spotter’s wet dream. I’ve had a few clitoral orgasms while using the Amethyst to squeeze and tease my G-spot, and it adds an extra layer of intensity to the experience.

I’d definitely recommend the Amethyst to someone who, like me, sometimes has trouble locating their G-spot, and/or just wants to apply a decent amount of pressure to it. It’s a toy that’s easy to care for, does its job well, looks great, and leaves me satisfied.