Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Tantaly Britney sex doll

Kate Sloan
All images courtesy of Tantaly

Well, it happened again: I was offered a sex doll to review, and had to figure out who in my life was both 1) willing to receive and test the doll and 2) reliable enough to give me useful feedback on it so I could write a review.

This is one of those weird logistical problems that people never think about when they ponder the realities of being a sex toy reviewer. See, I don’t have a dick (except for the kind you can strap on), so I’m not a member of most sex dolls’ target demographic – and while my lovely and dependable partner does have a dick, they already reviewed a sex doll for me and were disinclined to make more room in their small New York City apartment for a new member of the family. Likewise, a friend who also reviewed a sex doll for me previously was (I assumed) not up to doing so again, having given away his doll to a friend (!) for reasons I can’t quite recall but that may have had to do with moving house and not wanting to lug a 68-pound torso onto a U-Haul truck.

So this time I asked another friend, someone I knew would give the doll a fair shot and tell me his uncensored thoughts on the experience. After he’d had a few weeks to test out the toy, I took him aside in his kitchen and we chatted about the finer points of the Tantaly Britney over prosecco and beer. It was yet another delightfully weird day in my career as a sex toy reviewer, although frankly, I’ve had weirder.

Choosing the Tantaly Britney

It might seem like it’d be exciting to receive a message saying, “Which doll would you like from this website?” but I imagine the decision can actually be somewhat daunting. Tantaly carries a wide array of dolls in varying sizes; the one my partner reviewed was a petite 14 pounds, but the more lifelike models can reach weights of nearly 70 pounds.

This time around, I asked my appointed tester why he’d chosen the Britney model, and he said, “It was the lightest, while still being the most of a person.” In other words, he wanted the realism of having a full torso-size doll, so as to more closely replicate the experience of having sex with an actual human – as opposed to just being a butt or whatever – but he didn’t want masturbation to turn into a deadlift workout. The Britney weighs in at a reasonable 28.6 pounds.

Interestingly, he also asked his partner for her opinion on which doll he should choose. I think this is brilliant, having seen – both in my own friend group and in hotbeds of online sex discourse like Reddit – the havoc that can be wreaked on a relationship if one partner buys a sex doll or another “big commitment”-type sex toy without their partner’s knowledge or approval. Your solo sex life is your own, certainly, and I’m suspicious of anyone who thinks they get to non-consensually control your masturbation habits – but at the same time, I can imagine feeling a bit blindsided and hurt if a full-size sex doll showed up on my partner’s doorstep one day and they hadn’t even asked me how I’d feel about them owning one, y’know?

Although he had already looked through the options and thought Britney seemed like the best pick, my friend showed his partner the site and asked which one she thought he should go with – and she actually liked the Britney best, too, because its breast size was more average than that of some of the cartoonishly busty models on offer. I’ve gotta say, when it comes to measures of compatibility, I can think of worse ones than “similar taste in sex dolls.”

Using the Tantaly Britney

Mr. Tester was, for the most part, quite happy with the Britney. He’d never tried a sex doll before, but had used strokers like the Tenga Flip Zero. He said that the dick sensations were pretty similar between the two, but the overall experience of using the doll felt “less clinical” and made it easier to imagine that the toy was a real person. This fantasy aspect is probably the main reason to consider getting a sex doll rather than a stroker, plus the fact that you can get on top of a sex doll and thrust into it in a way that can be hard to achieve with a stroker. (Something like a Fleshlight mount can make this easier to do with some strokers, however.)

The Britney doll has two “tunnels” – a vagina and a butt – and my friend didn’t observe much difference in sensation between the two. The main factor as to why he might pick one over the other for any given session was related to positioning: certain positions work better for one hole or the other, such as standing at the edge of a bed.

Having a squeezable pair of boobs right in front of you is also a strong selling point, and something that my friend enjoyed. I mean, I get it. Boobs are great. If you’re into them, they’re definitely a major benefit of having a doll rather than a stroker or a disembodied butt or pussy.

The main issue with the Britney – and with seemingly every sex doll – is the cleaning. All three of the people I’ve asked to review sex dolls for me have described the post-session cleaning process as “a production” – you have to wash the toy’s orifice(s) out right away, resisting the urge to bask in the pleasant afterglow of orgasm, because any jizz or lube you leave in there can eventually get moldy and ruin your very expensive sex toy. (Hot, huh?)

Smaller dolls like the Scarlett can be washed out in a sink (depending on the size of your sink, natch), but dolls with more lifelike proportions like the Britney will need to be dragged into a shower or bathtub for their ritualistic post-fuck ablutions. The physical effort of doing this, and of carefully rinsing out all the cum, can be annoying enough to deter you from using the doll as often as you otherwise might. My friend said he’d be likeliest to use this doll at times when he had at least an hour free – not because he lasts that long (he said jokingly), but because realistically that’s about how long the full process takes, from dragging the doll out of her storage spot and setting her up on the bed to washing her out and drying her off after using her.

Another problem is that these dolls are prone to leaching dye onto your sheets – but fortunately my friend had read the user manual before fucking the doll for the first time (always a good idea when you get a new sex toy of any kind!) so he was prepared for this eventuality and laid down a towel under the doll.

Final thoughts

My friend thinks the Tantaly Britney is a high-quality product for its $329.99 price point, and that if you’re in the market for a sex doll, this one is definitely worth considering. Its soft curves and pleasurable orifices make for a masturbation experience that feels much closer to partnered sex than using a stroker. Unlike some of the other pals I’ve asked to review sex dolls for me, this friend thinks he will actually use this toy on a semi-regular basis even now that the review is done, because in many ways it’s a significant step up from simpler/smaller/cheaper toys like those by Tenga.

But with great pleasure comes great responsibility, and when it comes to sex dolls, mainly that means cleaning. If you can contend with the aggravating need to wash out the doll immediately after using it – and if your living situation and physical strength are such that you can transport the doll back and forth to the bathroom or kitchen as needed without too much trouble – then you might be a good candidate to own a sex doll.

Real-life sexual partners may not require you to clean them after sex, and may not stain your sheets with their skin like a sex doll can, but there’s still something comforting and exciting about the near-realism of a doll like the Britney.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, everything I’ve written here is something I actually believe to be true.

Review: Bestvibe Cupid 3-In-1 Heating Thrusting Vibration Realistic Dildo

Kate Sloan

It is a known fact that I love dick. I didn’t always, but now, after many years of sexual activity with many lovely dick-owners, I am very much a fan. (And no, none of that is me giving you permission to send me pictures or textual descriptions of your dick. I like the ones I know, the ones I consent to see. Nonconsensual penises are ugly and gross, no exceptions.)

So, naturally, I am a fan of realistic dildos as well – provided they’re well-made. And it’s even more intriguing when those dildos are capable of doing some of the things human dicks can do, like feel immediately warm upon insertion or thrust in and out. This Bestvibe 3-in-1 dildo can do both of those things and more, so I was excited to review it. Let’s talk about it!

 

What is the Bestvibe Cupid 3-in-1 Heating Thrusting Vibration Realistic Dildo?

Phew. Bestvibe’s product names are always such a mouthful! Maybe we should just call this the Bestvibe Cupid, for short.

The Cupid is a realistic silicone dildo with a 6.3-inch insertable length (it’s 8.66 inches total, including the balls and suction cup base). It has a diameter of about 1.7 inches at its largest point.

However, in addition, this dildo can vibrate, heat up, and thrust in and out. It comes with a small remote control that allows you to control these three functions.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The dimensions are great for my particular vag. It’s got enough length to hit my A-spot easily if I keep it anchored deep inside me by placing a pillow between my legs at the base of the toy (more on that below), but I can also position it more shallowly to hit my G-spot. The girth is wide enough to feel satisfying but not so wide as to need much warm-up before inserting it (for me, anyway). I am very much a fan.
  • Visually and tactilely, the toy is quite realistic. The closest thing I can compare it to is actually dual-density silicone dildos like the VixSkin toys, in that it’s realistic-looking in quite a detailed way and feels both squishy and firm. The Cupid isn’t dual-density like those toys are, but its mechanical core feels very similar to the firm silicone core of a dual-density toy, so that in use they actually feel very much alike.
  • The thrusting! Oh, the thrusting. A lot of self-thrusting toys feel pretty weak – more like a perpetual-motion machine on somebody’s cubicle desk than a hard rough fuck – but this one has some serious strength behind it. At its best, it feels almost as good as a real live human fucking me. And since its steady modes are much more rhythmically regular than the average human is capable of being, it gets me off more easily than most people can with their dicks. (By the way, whenever I talk about getting off from penetrative toys, assume that I mean “with added clitoral stimulation via my fingers or a vibrator,” because – like the majority of people with my anatomy – I don’t orgasm without clit stim.)
  • While a more pronounced curve would’ve been my preference, the subtle curve of this toy is good enough to hit my spots the way I like. It helps that it has a well-defined coronal ridge which can rub against those spots on every thrust.
  • It’s got a suction-cup base. This normally isn’t something I care that much about, since the combo of chronic pain and laziness means that I almost always masturbate lying on my back in bed – but with a thrusting toy, it can be nice to be able to back up onto it, or sit down on it from above, or whatever.
  • The wide base also means this toy is harness-compatible, which is interesting. I wonder what it would feel like if a mechanically-thrusting device was simultaneously thrust in and out of me by an actual person… However, even if you turn all the mechanical functions off when using it this way, the Cupid also functions perfectly well as a regular strap-on dildo.
  • The Cupid costs £49.99, which (at time of writing) works out to about $60 USD or $81 CAD. That’s a really reasonable price for something that looks and feels this realistic and has this many functions.
  • The toy comes with a small battery-powered remote, which is auto-paired to the dildo. All you have to do is put the battery into the remote, turn on the toy by long-pressing the power button on its base, and press one of the 3 buttons on the remote to activate one of the toy’s 3 functions (or use more than one at once, if you prefer).
  • On that note, each of the 3 functions can be controlled independently – so if you want vibrations but no thrusting, or vice-versa, you can do that, or you can use both at once.
  • This toy is safe for both vaginal and anal insertion (though, as with any other toy, you’ll need to sanitize it in between using it anally and using it vaginally).

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • It had a bit of an oily residue when it first arrived, which made me think it might be made of an unsafe material. However, after washing it and (later) doing a flame test on it, now I’m pretty sure it’s made of real silicone, and just had some residue left on it from the manufacturing process (which is pretty common and is the reason most companies will tell you to wash a toy before using it for the first time).
  • The button on the base of the toy is really hard to locate and press, especially if you have hand strength issues like I do.
  • The toy is decently loud, like most thrusters are. The sound diminishes when it’s inside you, however.
  • There are only 3 thrusting settings. The first one is hard, fast, and steady. The second one is more erratic, switching between a few different speeds, which I guess is meant to feel more authentically human but actually just annoys me. The third is slower, steady thrusting. I like the steady settings but wish that there were more of them, and that the toy started on the slowest setting and worked its way up from there.
  • As with many warming toys, I can’t actually detect the heating function in this toy. These functions usually take a few minutes to reach peak heat and the heat itself is usually pretty subtle, which makes it hard to notice, especially since, by that point, usually I will have put the toy inside me already and so my body will already have warmed it up a bit.
  • The remote is battery-powered rather than being rechargeable, and uses a type of battery you’re unlikely to have just lying around the house (27A 12V). There’s also no markings on the battery chamber or in the toy instructions regarding which way the battery should be oriented, so you just have to guess and then flip it around if your first guess is wrong.
  • Additionally, there’s no way to control the toy without the remote, so if you lose the remote or its battery dies mid-session, you’re shit outta luck. This is honestly probably my #1 issue with this toy. Remote-control toys should always have buttons on the unit itself if at all possible.
  • As with most self-thrusting toys, this one will tend to shimmy its way out of you if left to its own devices (so to speak), so you’ll need to keep it in place by putting a pillow or somesuch against the base of the toy, between your legs – or by making use of its suction-cup base to attach it to a firm surface like a wall, floor, or mirror.
  • The vibrations are so weak and buzzy that they can barely be discerned. Don’t get this toy if you want internal vibration; thrusting (or being manually thrusted) is the only thing it does well.

 

Final thoughts

Of the latest batch of products Bestvibe has sent me (more reviews to come!), the Cupid dildo is by far my favorite. It’s rare to find a thrusting toy that actually feels anything like getting fucked, and that can elicit orgasms as intensely and reliably for me as this toy does.

It definitely has some issues – mainly its limited settings, terrible vibrations, and awkward controls – but in my view these are ultimately forgivable, because its thrusting is so damn good. Much like some of the people I have dated/fucked, its issues seem minor in comparison to the pounding it can provide.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom Vibrator

Kate Sloan

Honestly, I respect sex toy companies that take risks in terms of toy shapes. Any ol’ company can crank out a vibrator shaped like a rose, or a butterfly, or an egg – but it takes guts to make a vibrator shaped like a woodland mushroom. Let’s talk about this one by PinkPunch.

 

What is the PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom Vibrator?

Launched in April 2021, PinkPunch is a fairly new sex toy company, and the Sunset Mushroom vibrator was their first product. It’s a small silicone vibrator shaped like a mushroom, and was designed to appeal to people who’ve never used a sex toy before and are intimidated by the thought of doing so.

The toy comes with its own charging case, inside of which it fits perfectly.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The aesthetic of the Sunset Mushroom and its charging case is adorable, and reminds me of the Powerpuff Girls. I agree with PinkPunch that newbies are sometimes intimidated by the wide selection of sex toys available and may prefer something with a friendly aesthetic like this.
  • The charging case is really cool. It works similarly to AirPods, holding its own charge (once you charge it up) which can be used to recharge the toy up to 3 times even if you have to be away from a power outlet for a while. This is super convenient if you plan on traveling with the toy, using it on-the-go, etc. or even if you’re just lazy like me and don’t always feel like plugging in a charger when a toy needs some juice. I’ve never seen a sex toy that had this type of charging system before and I’m really impressed with it.
  • I like the shape and size of the toy for clitoral stimulation, and also for inserting shallowly to hit my G-spot.
  • It’s reasonably quiet.
  • It’s waterproof! (The case, however, is not, so be careful to dry the toy thoroughly before putting it back in there.)

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The vibrations are, unfortunately, bad. The lowest setting is a tolerable mix of buzzy and rumbly, but its other two steady speeds are verrrrrry buzzy and thus don’t feel anywhere near as stimulating as rumblier vibes. Buzziness also causes temporary numbness that can make it hard to enjoy sensations and orgasms.
  • There are only three steady speeds, followed by five vibration patterns, and only one button to cycle through them all. I hate this. If you ask me, every vibrator should have 5-10 different steady speeds and a maximum of 3 patterns, and you should be able to control the former separately from the latter, with “up” and “down” buttons instead of just one button.
  • The handle vibrates as much as the head of the toy, making it uncomfortable to hold onto for more than a minute or two at a time.
  • Out of the box, the toy had a rubbery smell that has only dissipated slightly when washed. It’s actually such a strong smell that I could detect it while sitting at my desk even when the toy was inside its half-closed charging case on the other end of my desk. I did a flame test and the results seem to indicate that the toy is indeed made of silicone as PinkPunch claims it is, but I have no idea why it smells so strongly of rubber if that’s the case.
  • Not sure whether to put this on the “pros” list or the “cons” list, but: PinkPunch warns you twice in the toy’s instructions that you should only use it externally, but also includes a “safety strap” you can attach to it, to make retrieval easier if you do use it penetratively. On the one hand, I’m glad that they’re giving customers a slightly safer way to put this toy up their butt if they so desire (harm reduction, yay!); on the other hand, if they wanted to actually make the toy anal-safe, they should have given it a flared base and/or made the safety strap non-removable. As is, it could all too easily detach from the toy while in your butt, which could end up necessitating a trip to the emergency room.
  • The toy’s one button, which you use to turn it on and off and to cycle through its settings, is unmarked and hard to push.
  • The PinkPunch app, which you can supposedly use to control this toy from nearby or from far away, is not available in my region (Canada). Not sure why.
  • This toy costs $99 and simply is not worth that much money. (I would hesitate to say it’s worth even half that much, frankly.) You can get way better clit vibes, like the We-Vibe Tango X and Hot Octopuss Amo, for less.

 

Final thoughts

While I love the look of the PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom vibrator and the way that it charges, the motor of a toy is its most important quality, bar none, and this one has a baaaad motor. It’s nowhere near rumbly enough, strong enough or satisfying enough to justify the toy’s $99 price tag.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if anyone who works at a vibrator company is reading this, please tell your team to focus first and foremost on developing motors that are rumbly (i.e. low-pitched), powerful, and allow for variable speeds. Everything else is just window dressing, and if you blow your budget on bells and whistles, the product itself will be forgettable and disappointing no matter how flashy and fabulous it may look.

 

Note: You can use the code juice40 to get 40% off your order from PinkPunch!

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator

Kate Sloan

I keep reviewing different cunnilingus simulators – can’t stop, won’t stop, baby! – because I’m always looking for that holy grail: an oral-inspired toy that actually feels like oral.

It’s hard to find, partly because the textures of a tongue and lips are difficult to replicate, partly because mouths are self-lubricating and toys are not, and partly because the motions involved in good head are deceptively complex, compared to what a toy can do. Licking, sucking, adapting to fluctuating levels of arousal and sensitivity – many toys can do one of these things effectively, but I’ve yet to come across (or come on) a toy that really nails the varied sensations of good cunnilingus.

But the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator looked like it might be a viable contender, so I was excited to test it out. Let’s discuss.

 

Pictured with thighs & tattoo, for scale

What is the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator and what does it do?

Sent to me by the folks at Lovegasm, the Multispeed Tongue Vibrator is large – just over 12 inches from end to end. The reason the toy needs to be so big is that its makers have crammed several different functions into one toy, to make what is essentially a genital-safe Swiss army knife. (It’s, um, not sharp, though. And doesn’t have a bottle opener on it, as far as I know. Maybe this was an unwise metaphor to choose…)

At one end of the toy is a “mouth,” consisting of a silicone tongue that moves up and down, inside of what is colloquially known as a “pussy pump,” i.e. a plastic cone that generates suction on the clit and labia. The tongue has a pre-warming function as well, to lend it more realism. In theory this reproduces the sensations that a tongue and lips working in tandem can provide.

On the other side of the toy is essentially a rabbit vibe: a dual-stimulation toy with a penetrative part and an external clitoral part, both of which vibrate. It feels incorrect to call this toy a two-for-one, because really it’s more like a four-for-one!

 

dat tongue tho

Things I like about this toy

  • I think it’s a really cool idea, considering that a lot of people like to receive oral sex as “foreplay” for penetrative sex, and this toy can provide both. In my testing sessions I was always glad to have a penetrative object at the ready, on the other side of the toy, once I got worked up enough from the “mouth” to want something inside me.
  • The combo of suction and tongue-flicking felt really good, once I had lubed the entire area and found an optimal position for the toy. The suction is rhythmic, rather than being steady, which creates an effect that feels more like an actual human sucking on my clit, while the tongue gently flicks against the tip or underside of my clit (depending on how it’s positioned). There was one testing session when I had planned to test several other toys after this one and actually started to bargain with myself about why I didn’t need to test any other toys and could instead get off from this one, because it felt that good 😂
  • As with many well-designed suction toys, this one is quite effective at encouraging bloodflow to my clit/vulva, prompting physical arousal which can easily translate into mental arousal too. I could see this being a good “foreplay” toy to generate arousal toward the start of a masturbation/sex session.
  • A lot of clit-focused toys end up feeling too intense for me because they target the head of my clit, rather than where I prefer to be stimulated (the clitoral hood area, for a more indirect sensation), but I had success moving this one around to find a position that worked for me. This was also great because I was able to move it further toward the tip of my clit as I got more turned on (but had to momentarily disengage the suction function in order to do this, because otherwise it would have been suctioned onto me and thus hard to move).
  • The internal part of the rabbit-vibe end of the toy is long enough to hit my A-spot and has a nice curve that lets it arc right up into that spot. It feels pleasurable when thrusted against that spot.
  • While the buttons’ placement and lack of labeling are confusing (more on that below), each button lights up with a different color when its function is enabled, which makes it easier to (eventually) tell them apart and remember which button does what.
  • The pump part of the toy can be removed for easier cleaning between uses.
  • The toy comes with another pump cylinder that you can swap in; it has a flat rim, as opposed to the vaguely vulva-shaped rim of the original cylinder, and is meant to be used on breasts/nipples, which is cool. This toy’s commitment to having multiple different uses is unparalleled.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Ultimately I just didn’t find any part of this toy stimulating enough to get me off (though the mouth felt, at times, like it could get me off, on a highly sensitive day). The pump’s suction didn’t have a consistent enough rhythm, the tongue didn’t deliver strong enough stimulation, and the vibrations in the rabbit-vibe part of the toy are so hilariously weak, buzzy, and buried that they’re almost imperceptible on lower settings and just kinda “meh” on higher settings.
  • The buttons are not marked/labeled in any way. With some vibes this would be acceptable, but this one has several different functions and four different buttons, none of which are placed in a particularly intuitive way. I had to keep referring to the instruction manual to figure out which was which (so don’t toss your manual!) and ended up hitting the wrong buttons several times anyway.
  • When I’m using the “mouth” side of the toy, the buttons are facing away from me, unless I flip it around and hold it in a way that feels awkward and un-ergonomic. Since (as discussed above) the buttons are hard to tell apart even when I’m looking at them, this makes it almost impossible to change settings during use – something I do a lot of, since “close-to-orgasm” me has very different preferences and needs, stimulation-wise, than “barely-aroused” me.
  • The amount of suction produced by the higher settings of the sucking function is sometimes kinda scary. I don’t have the medical background to know whether it’s actually dangerous, but it’s a lot, and there’s no quick-release mechanism. Suction toys should always have a non-electronic quick-release button in case of malfunctions or emergencies, etc.
  • I prefer clit-focused suction rather than full-vulva suction. That’s just a personal preference. The pump on this toy is sliiiightly too big for me to position between my outer labia to allow for a more clit-centric sensation.
  • The tongue actually slows down when you press the button that ought to make it speed up. I found this infuriating when I was on the precipice of potentially coming.
  • The clitoral arm on the rabbit-vibe end of the toy is too short for my anatomy. When I get that arm into a pleasurable position on my clit, it throws off the angle of the internal portion so that that’s no longer pleasurable, and vice-versa. This could be solved with a longer and more flexible clitoral arm.
  • The mouth part of the toy is loud and distracting. The suction function sounds like a robotic truck backing up and the tongue function sounds like a shopping cart that needs its wheels oiled. The rabbit vibe portion of the toy is very quiet, though.
  • As with most toys involving suction and/or a tongue-like object, this one requires a lot of lube to feel good – not just on my clit but on my entire vulva. Could be an issue if you’re on a budget and/or just have limited access to lube.
  • The tongue’s heating function takes 3 minutes to work, during which time you can’t use any of the toy’s other functions. This is fine if you have the time and patience to let the toy sit there for 3 minutes while you do other stuff (like perhaps watch porn, read erotica, or touch yourself with your hand), but otherwise kind of annoying. It also barely works; the tongue just gets mildly warm, not even as warm as it would get from a few minutes of being pressed against my genitals.

Final thoughts

I really wanted to like the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator, because I think its concept is interesting and I haven’t seen many toy companies attempt to combine suction with tongue-like flicking in one toy, for a more holistic oral-like experience.

However, in execution, this toy could really use some work. When it comes to sex toy design, usually it’s best to focus on doing one or two things really well – and instead, this toy tried to do 4-5 things well and ultimately all of them are kind of mediocre. Not to mention, the ergonomics and controls of this toy are somewhat inscrutable and highly distracting during use.

Lovegasm carries lots of other vibrators and suction-based vulva toys that are worth checking out, especially if you’re in search of an oral sex simulator, as many of them have tongue-like features and/or combine suction with vibration. But this one just didn’t work for me, although at several points during testing, I felt hopeful that it might.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

Yes, it’s that time again: time for me to sift through the dozens of sex toys I’ve been sent to review this year, and pick out my very favorites to highlight here.

I always have to make a lot of tricky decisions when putting this list together, and this year was no exception. But I think the 9 toys I settled on are genuinely great. Every single one of them is the kind of thing I’d recommend to a friend, the kind of thing I’ve kept in my rotation even after finishing my review. They’re that good.

Let’s start at the bottom of the list and work our way up…

 

Image via Unbound

9. Unbound Bit Gag (read my full review)

Available at Amazon.com ($39.00)

I was assigned to review this for MEL Magazine and was excited to try out a new-to-me style of gag. I like ballgags well enough, but jaw pain often sets in after a few minutes of wearing one, so I don’t use them as often as I otherwise might, despite both my partner and I finding them hot.

The Bit gag by Unbound surpassed my expectations. Its main component is a silicone bar that you bite onto, and it’s comfortable on both my jaw and my teeth. I find it easier to breathe while using the Bit than while using traditional ballgags, too. I love the aesthetic of the blue velvet ribbon strap, which can be temporarily removed for easier cleaning. This is just a really thoughtfully-designed product and one that I’m glad to have in my collection.

 

Image via Dame

8. Dame Com

Available at SheVibe ($125.00)

It’s hard to make a wand vibe that’ll impress me. I reach for my Doxy Die Cast if I want a gorgeous wand that looks good in pictures, and my Magic Wand Rechargeable if I want a wand that feels good and gets me off; it’s rare that I use others.

But Dame sent me their Com wand and I love it. It’s got a curvy handle that feels more ergonomic for my achy hands, and has a genuinely wonderful, rumbly motor. My one major complaint about it is that the wand’s body shakes quite a bit when the toy is in use, which can get a bit uncomfortable for my hands – but it can make me come pretty reliably and sometimes pretty fast, so I’m willing to accept this fly in the ointment. Well done, Dame!

 

7. Hole Punch Toys Evolver

Available at Hole Punch Toys (starting at $199.00)

I will never be a gun nut, I’m not into (most) fantasies of peril or threat, and I find guns chilling to be around – and yet, I wanted this gun-shaped dildo from the moment I first saw it, years ago.

Colin, the artisan behind Hole Punch Toys, is a true artist (which, for him, extends beyond the realm of sex toys and into more traditional artistic mediums as well). There was a social media outcry when this toy was launched because people were angry about the mere depiction of a gun, as if depicting something is the same thing as condoning it, revering it. I actually think there’s something quite striking, on an erotic level and an artistic one, about the idea of taking a terrifying object – especially now, in the age of multiple mass shootings per week – and sliding it inside you. Whether that’s a feeling you want is up to you, but I think it’s absurd to decry an artist for making art about a poignant social issue in whatever medium they prefer, and Colin happens to be brilliant at making sex toys.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to finally get my hands on an Evolver this year because my very generous partner bought one for me, and it is truly stunning. It feels weighty and a bit scary in my hand, or when pointed at me – perfect for fear play scenes – and feels pretty good inside me too. And it’s certainly a conversation-starter!

 

Image via Lovense

6. Lovense Ferri

Available at SheVibe ($119.00) and Amazon.com ($119.00)

I’ve been super impressed with every toy I’ve tried from Lovense, particularly with the reliability of their Bluetooth connectivity, which makes them highly valuable to me in my kinky long-distance marriage, whether we’re far apart or spending time physically together.

The Ferri is Lovense’s take on a panty vibe. I was frustrated with my previous panty vibe, the We-Vibe Moxie, because it would often lose connection mid-scene even when my partner was controlling it from right beside me. The Ferri has no such issues that I’ve encountered, and has (as Lovense toys generally do) a fabulously strong and rumbly motor. I still don’t think I could ever have an orgasm in a public-play scene, because I’m just too anxious for that and require too much concentration to get off, but it makes for an intriguing tease and feels better than any other panty vibe I’ve tried.

 

Image via Slubb

5. Slubb (read my full review)

Available directly from Slubb (about $154 USD)

Pretty sure my partner heard about this one before I did, which is rare, since I’m the one who receives all the sex toy press releases in my inbox every day!

Two German brothers created this sex toy for penises, which consists of an actual, literal power tool – an “oscillating multi-tool,” to be exact – attached to a rubber loop that can be adjusted to fit loosely around a penis. The vibrations this toy produces are like none I’ve ever encountered: they are WILDLY strong (not to mention shockingly loud), which makes the Slubb an especially good addition to kinky play involving D/s, forced orgasms, overstimulation, etc.

I’ve even managed to successfully use the Slubb on my partner through their chastity cage a few times, which is super fun. Basically this is the penis-specific version of mega-strong wands like the Doxy Die Cast, and while it’s certainly not the kind of toy I’d use on a daily or even weekly basis, I’m glad we have it in our collection for those times when it’s exactly what we want.

 

Image via Lovability

4. Lovability WaterSlyde (read my full review)

Available at SheVibe ($29.99 USD)

The way that I rank toys in this list is by methodically looking at each item and thinking, “Do I like this better than the toy above it?” and moving it up a slot if so. I shuffle things around like this until I arrive at a list that feels true. I’m explaining this because I was surprised that the WaterSlyde ended up so high on this list, given what a simple invention it is, and yet it definitely deserves this #4 spot for how much pleasure and delight it’s given me.

This is literally just a piece of plastic (albeit a specially-shaped piece of plastic) that you can affix to your bath faucet with a provided ribbon, so as to divert the flow of water onto your clit (or, really, onto any body part you can comfortably position beneath its spout). I found it nostalgic to return to the masturbation method that had given me my very first orgasms back when I was a kid, and was impressed by the thoughtfulness that evidently went into this product’s design. If you love getting off in the tub, you probably need a WaterSlyde.

 

Image via Lovense

3. Lovense Exomoon

Available at SheVibe ($99.00) and Amazon.com ($79.00)

Another Lovense toy! They really are quite good.

This one, the Exomoon, is unusually simple for Lovense: it’s a lipstick vibe, i.e. a bullet vibrator made to look vaguely like a tube of lipstick. This makes it somewhat discreet, and super easy to toss into a bag or suitcase for sexy travels, particularly since it has an actual lipstick-style “cap” which protects the tip of the vibe from dust and debris when it’s on.

I don’t tend to use this one with Lovense’s legendarily good Bluetooth functionality because I prefer to take control of my own handheld clitoral vibes for the most part – but its motor, shape, and design are so good that it’s earned a coveted spot in my top drawer and is often the vibe I bring with me when staying away from home overnight. Kudos, Lovense, on another well-engineered product.

 

Image via SnailVibe

2. SnailVibe (read my full review)

Available at SheVibe ($149.99) and Amazon.com ($149.99)

I love when sex toy companies create genuine innovations, rather than just rehashing the same type of toy over and over again, and the SnailVibe is certainly innovative. It’s a dual-stimulation vibe that uses a unique spiraling motion to ensure that the clitoral arm stays in contact with your clit even as you thrust the toy in and out.

The insertable shaft of the toy is long and straight, so it’s better suited for A-spot aficionados than G-spot devotees. And you will go through a lot of lube when using this toy. But it’s one of my absolute faves of the year because it feels great, looks amusingly weird, and does something I’ve never seen another toy do in all my years as a sex toy critic.

 

Image via Unbound

1. Unbound Clutch

Available at Amazon.com ($98.00)

Another dual-stimulation toy?! This is almost unheard of, because it’s really, really hard to get a dual-stim toy right. There are so many variables: motor, controls, arm placement, arm functions, ergonomics, thrustability, and so on. But the Unbound Clutch is absolutely worthy of my top spot (wink wink).

The internal arm thrusts in and out slightly, similar to the Stronic toys but even more pronounced in its purposeful jiggling. The clitoral arm is flexible, well-shaped for a broad range of clits, and has a thrillingly rumbly motor. The handle is easy to hold onto, even on days when I’m experiencing a lot of hand pain. All of these components come together to create a toy that can get me off easily, consistently, and intensely – and the whole journey toward that orgasm feels wonderful and unique as well. Congrats to Unbound for making such a terrific product!

 

 

Oh yeah, and here’s one more toy – a (dis)honorable mention, if you will:

Lora DiCarlo Baci (read my full review)

Available at Peepshow Toys ($160.00)

I was originally going to choose this as my #1 favorite sex toy of the entire year (!!), but then literally as I was drafting this post, news broke that sex toy company Lora DiCarlo has “quietly ended operations” and has apparently been ghosting their distributors and neglecting to send out customer orders from months ago. Needless to say, this is incredibly unprofessional and not okay!

It’s not as if this is the first time this company has fucked up, either. As Lux Alptraum has reported, the company’s titular founder has repeatedly lied about (or at least misrepresented) the “microrobotic” technology used in their toys, the company’s connections to a prestigious university tech lab, and even her own educational and professional history. Weird stuff.

It’s a pity, because the Baci was probably my most-used toy of any that I received for review purposes this year. Its unique “thrum pad” sets it apart from other pressure-wave toys by providing some extra stimulation to the clitoral shaft and internal clit while the toy’s “mouth” is attending to the tip of the clit. It would have felt odd not to mention it. But I really hope the company fulfills or refunds all remaining orders from customers and distributors; it would be sad (not to mention unfair) if they just disappeared in a puff of proverbial smoke.

There have been scammers in the sex toy industry before and there are lots more to come, I’m sure. All we can really do is enjoy the good toys while they’re around, warn people away from the bad ones, point out companies’ problematic behavior when it happens, and do our best to live lives that are both aligned with our values and as pleasurable as they can be.

 

Anyway… What were your favorite sex toys this year?