Wishlists

My Phone Sex Setup

Kate Sloan

I talk a lot about phone sex on here, but I’ve said almost nothing about the actual logistical tools I use for this particular lascivious act.

And that stuff’s important! The wrong phone sex setup can make you feel farther from your partner when you want to feel closer. You don’t want to be stuck fiddling with Bluetooth settings and charger cables when you could be focusing on your paramour’s pretty moans.

My partner and I have had phone sex almost every night for over a year (YEESH) so I have ample experience and opinions in this arena! Here are some of my phone-sex must-haves…

The phone itself

My current phone is an iPhone XS; it was a Christmas present to myself, because my old 6S was barely functional after being thrashed for 3 years. I love the XS! It’s sleek and sexy, and it sounds great.

My only real beef with this phone is Apple’s decision to remove the headphone jack and force you to use the Lightning port at the bottom for both headphones and chargers – which could be impractical for phone-sex purposes, but I’ve found workarounds, which I’ll explain below…

On occasion, I’ve used other WiFi-enabled devices, like my iPad, to talk to my partner. It’s good to know I have a backup incase my phone ever needs to be repaired or something.

Phone accessories

Call me a basic bitch if you must, but my #1 must-have iPhone accessory for phone sex is just a pair of those basic white earbuds that come with the phone. They have a little remote on one side which lets you control the volume level and even answer calls with one click, and there’s also a little microphone on that remote. Occasionally I’ll switch to my big noise-canceling headphones if I want to hear additional depth and richness in my partner’s voice – like if we’re doing a hypno scene – but for the most part, those standard Apple earbuds work just fine. (I have to use a Lightning-to-headphone-jack adapter when I mix up my choice of headphones, unfortunately. What are you doing, Apple.)

Speaking of that fucking Lightning port… I got tired of having to choose between wearing my headphones and plugging my phone in, so I bought a wireless charging pad for my nightstand. Initially this seemed like a frivolous expenditure, but I use it ALL THE TIME and it comes in handy when my phone battery dwindles while my partner is whispering sweet hot things at me.

On that note, regardless of what type of phone you have, I would recommend getting a super-long charging cable for it (AmazonBasics makes the ones I like). Trust me, you might not think you need a 10-foot-long charging cable right now, but the extra mobility and convenience are worth the $10-20 you’ll spend on it.

Software

My partner and I use FaceTime audio for the vast majority of our aural communiqué. It sounds way better than a normal phone call, and you can hear things like breathing and soft moans more clearly, which, as you might imagine, matters. We’ll also occasionally use FaceTime video if we’re in the mood to see each other (or, y’know, each other’s junk). If I’m having WiFi troubles and FaceTime starts turning me into a low-res robot, we’ll switch to a regular phone call – but it’s definitely not preferred.

When we want to watch something together, we use Rabb.it – which I mention here only because sometimes we indulge in some porn as foreplay of sorts. This app has its problems (it always seems to take us a good few minutes to figure out how to join the same room, because the interface is unnecessarily complicated), but I haven’t really found anything else that does what it does.

Very occasionally, my partner instructs me to look at something – like, say, a spiral or some looping wink videos during a hypno scene – in which case I usually open it up in QuickTime or Preview on my MacBook.

Miscellaneous equipment

Speaking of watching spirals/gifs/porn while talking on the phone – if I want to do that in bed, rather than at my desk, I’ll pull out my lap desk from IKEA (this one is similar) and prop up the computer on that. You don’t want to worry about your laptop overheating while you’re trying to, um, get overheated yourself!

Clothing-wise: this might seem silly, but I love my MeUndies lounge pants for the early stages of phone sex, when we’re mostly just flirting and saying mildly suggestive things. (Clothes start to come off after that point, although sometimes I wish they wouldn’t!) I love these for simple reasons: they are comfy as hell, they’re loose and stretchy enough that I can get a hand or even a vibe inside them without needing to take them off, the fabric is thin enough that I can easily use a vibe through it if I want to, and – best of all – they have FOUR pockets, each of which is big enough to fit my phone. So if I have to get up during phone sex – say, to wash a sex toy or go get a snack – I can just tuck my phone in there while my headphones remain on. Perf.

As with any kind of sex, it’s good to have lube somewhere nearby and easily accessible. I keep a bevy of options on my nightstand. It goes without saying, surely, that my favorite sex toys are also always close at hand, and my Eroscillator is always plugged in.

Finally, I try to always have snacks and water available if I’m gonna have phone sex. You’re saying a lot of words and making a lot of sounds; you should keep your voice lubricated! The snacks come in handy for aftercare; sex across vast geographical expanses obviously doesn’t allow for cuddly, body-based aftercare, so we double up on the verbal kind (compliments, jokes, contented sighs) and yummy treats to bring our bodies and brains back to normal.

What are your must-have tools and supplies when you have phone sex?

Holiday Gift Ideas For… Your Dominant

Kate Sloan

Got no ideas for a holiday gift for your dom, even though they have seemingly neverending ideas for things to do to you? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered! Here are some suggestions…

A planned date night. Pick up a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant and tickets to a movie/play/musical/concert they would love, and make sure to handle all the reservations and considerations in advance so they don’t have to lift a finger. What a thoughtful sub you are!

Their favorite sensory pleasures. Good whiskey, nice cigars, a big bottle of their signature perfume, a nicer sound system, thick knit socks… Treat your dom to something that’ll give them sensual joy every time they pick it up.

Your sexual thoughts and fantasies written down. You could keep a masturbation journal for a month, recording every time you get off and what you were thinking about. You could create a list of kink activities you’d like to try with your partner. You could paste in some of your favorite photos of them and write about what you find sexiest in each. Your imagination is the only limitation here!

Implements for their favorite kinks. The classy sadist in your life absolutely needs a Weal & Breech paddle, for example. Pick up some new candles for your favorite wax-play aficionado, or some exquisite rope for your beloved bondage top. You get the idea.

A Kink Academy subscription, so they can learn about all sorts of pervy things to do to you. How sweet!

A fine piece of clothing. It doesn’t have to be super expensive (vintage shops, Etsy, and eBay can help with this), but it should be nice. What fashion item would truly delight your dom? A necklace from their favorite designer? A silk tie in colors they wear a lot? A pair of leather gloves that match their well-worn jacket?

A sexy photo of you, framed. You don’t have to go the traditional “boudoir” route if that’s too boring for you; how about a photo of a bruise they’ve given you, an especially beautiful rope tie they did on you, or a particularly subby face you’ve made in a selfie? Bonus points if it’s a photo that holds a lot of personal meaning in your relationship, like one taken on your first date or the night you first told one another you loved each other.

What would you consider the ideal gift for a dominant?

Holiday Gift Ideas For… Your Submissive

Kate Sloan

Did your sub provide faithful service all year? Did they take all the pain/humiliation/orgasms you inflicted on them with aplomb? Do they just have the cutest goddamn face in the world? If so, they probably deserve presents. Here are some suggestions!

A collar ornament. Assuming your sub already has a collar – which, if they don’t, but you’ve discussed and negotiated it, then the holidays are as good a time as any to take them shopping for one! – some extra adornments for it might be just the thing to spruce it up for the holiday season. L’Amour-Propre makes cute collar tags that say things like “Owned” and “Toy,” and you can even get one custom-engraved.

Aftercare treats. This is particularly sweet if you’re long-distance and you regularly partake of shenanigans like phone sex, Skype sex, or sexting; it’ll be like you’re taking care of them after you fuck them from afar. Pick them up some of their favorite candy or chocolate or a case of their favorite hydrating beverage.

Tools for their favorite service tasks. A nice bootblacking kit so they can keep your shoes shiny. The necessary ingredients and glassware for making and serving your fave cocktail at the end of a long day. A fancy feather duster for tidying your bookshelves (complete with a French maid uniform, if you like!).

A nicer version of their favorite sex toy. If they love wand vibes, get them a Doxy Die Cast. If realistic dicks make them wet, they need a VixSkin dildo. If they adore nipple clamps, get them some Weal & Breech ones. For a better value, you could also pick them up a specially-made sex toy gift set, like the We-Vibe Discover box or the Fifty Shades Freed Pleasure Overload set.

Beautiful stationery for writing-based tasks. You could have them keep a journal of their sexual thoughts and fantasies, for example, or require that they write you a weekly love letter. This type of task is more satisfying for both of you if the supplies being used are gorgeous and high enough quality to last a long time.

A stuffed animal for when they miss you. Bonus points if you pick or make one that actually looks like you, and even more bonus points if you can make it smell like you! The Build-a-Bear workshop could also be a cute place to take your sub on a date so you can create their gift together.

Something for their self-improvement, like a ticket to a weekend intensive, a workbook on cognitive behavioral therapy, or a gym membership. (Um, negotiate this sort of thing first. Buying someone a fitness-based present could come off pretty rude if you don’t know for a fact it’s something they want for themselves.) If part of your role as their dom is to guide them onto a better life path, this is a lovely way to do it.

What would you consider the ideal gift for a submissive?

5 Incredibly Gorgeous Femme Cocks

Kate Sloan

I’m thinking a lot about the concept of the “femme cock” lately, because pegging is an increasingly significant part of my sex life. Recently my partner mentioned wanting to be fucked with something bigger than my usual go-to – the pink glittery Godemiche Ambit, pictured above – but he emphasized that his top priority was my comfort. He knew that my cis femme identity is sometimes at odds with my desire to rock a cock, and that it gives me Weird Gender Feelings sometimes to strap on something that looks too realistic. So we started pondering non-representational, hyperfemme options.

With the disclaimer that all dildos are genderless and anyone of any gender identity and gender presentation can use any dildo, here are some of my top picks for femmes who want to fuck with flair!

The Fuze Wilde is a long-time fave of mine for strap-on play. It has a hefty-but-not-unreasonable 1.75″ diameter at its widest point, and two delicious ridges just under the head for optimal G-spot/prostate stimulation.

Best of all for tops who want to get off, the Wilde (like many Fuze dildos) has a ridged base that rubs against the clitoral region in pleasing ways during sex, and a hole where you can stick a bullet vibe like the We-Vibe Tango.

Fuze’s purple silicone is slightly iridescent and absolutely beautiful. I feel like a violet vixen wearing this cock.

Suggested harness pairing: complete your slightly Violet Beauregarde-esque aesthetic with the Aslan Jaguar harness in “Prince” purple. I swooned so hard when Aslan came out with this colorway in tribute of Prince. It is glorious.

The Funkit Toys NoFrillDo B is short and squat, though still long enough to target hotspots during strap-on play. I love that the bumps on the head of this dildo are smoothed out; they feel much better than ones that jut or poke out awkwardly. The one I have is a pretty shade of robin’s-egg blue, though I also adore this lemon yellow. Imagine painting your fingernails and toenails to match this dildo, or complementing it with a pair of purple cowboy boots or a red leather jacket!

The great thing about the NoFrillDos – and, indeed, the reason they were developed – is that they’re body-safe toys at an astonishingly affordable price point ($24 USD). Thanks to the ingenuity of dildo-makers like Funkit Toys’ Kenton, you don’t have to spend a mint to get a cute cock to fuck your sweetheart with.

Suggested harness pairing: I think this yellow beaut would look splendid jutting out of a bright red harness, like the cherry Aslan Jaguar or the SpareParts Sasha. Wear a blue accessory if you want to complete the primary-colors motif of your ensemble!

The Vixen Creations Leo comes in a bunch of different colors, but I especially like this pearly white one. It’s even sparklier and shinier than this photo indicates, and sort of makes me feel like a vampire from the Twilight universe (but, y’know, sexier, and more consent-conscious).

The Leo has a scrunchy faux-foreskin situation goin’ on just under its coronal ridge, which creates some pleasing friction that’s truly unlike any other dildo I own. I wouldn’t call it painful or uncomfortable at all, just mildly scratchy, like how it can be nice when a partner scritches your scalp with their nails. Mmm.

The Leo is mainly made to target the G-spot, but I also find it can hit my A-spot if I push it in deep enough. Hooray!

Suggested harness pairing: this pearlescent shade of white would look gorgeous against the rosy pink of the SpareParts Theo. Your junk will look as delicious as strawberries and cream!

The VixSkin Bandit in “Tie-Bright” is an explosion of orgasmic rainbow delights. I don’t know how else to describe it. Just look at this fucker! I sadly don’t own any Tie-Bright toys yet, but the very sight of them perks me right up. Nothing says “I am a magical queer pixie” quite like a technicolor dick swinging between your thighs.

At 7″ long and 1.75″ wide, it’s fairly meaty, though the squishiness of VixSkin makes this toy easier to take. I would imagine it’d be great for A-spot stimulation, with all that lovely length. And it has balls, which I don’t have any strong feelings about either way but which I know many people find adorable.

Suggested harness pairing: I think you probably wanna go with something understated with this dildo, so its stunning colors really shine. The black Aslan Jaguar and SpareParts Joque are simple classics, and should be sturdy enough to support this behemoth of a dildo.

I had to include the Blush Avant D6 Electra, because it’s my two favorite colors: pink and turquoise! If my blog had a dick, it would look like this…

The shape is a little odd, but I wonder if that tapered tip might make it great for A-spot stimulation. I’ll have to give it a shot, if Blush ever hooks me up with one.

Suggested harness pairing: my harness of choice, the limited-edition Aslan Nicki Jaguar, is a must-have if you’re a femme who loves pink. The bright raspberry shade would look perfect next to the colors of this dildo!

What’s your favorite femme cock?

5 Must-Have Props For a Forced-Orgasm Scene

Kate Sloan

Sometimes you finally act out a fantasy you’ve been dreaming of for years, and it’s disappointing and not at all what you expected. Other times, you try something you never even suspected you’d find hot, and it instantly becomes your new favorite thing.

And then there are times when you try something you’ve been curious about for ages, and it turns out to be exactly as hot in reality as it was in fantasy, if not moreso. That’s how I felt about forced-orgasm play when I first tried it.

The “forced orgasm” moniker covers a wide gamut of possible scenarios. A menacing femdom milks her sub’s cock to extract his cum for nefarious purposes. A daddy dom gets his sick little girl off to make her feel better. A mad scientist hooks his hapless subject up to a Venus 2000 to observe what happens after orgasm #5. A Victorian doctor administers hysterical paroxysm via electric vibrator for his patient’s own good.

See what I mean? Hot as fuck.

You can keep it simple when doing forced-orgasm play, and just tell your partner to stay still while you do all the dirty things to them that you know make them come the hardest. But toys, restraints, and other props can add a lot to this fantasy. Here are my top 5 suggestions for products that can take your forced-orgasm scene from “You gonna come for me?” to “That’s my good slut, there you go, just like that…”

Under-the-bed restraints. These are my favorite foolproof way to add an element of bondage into a scene. Once they’re installed on your bed, they barely require any effort to get into: one partner just has to strap the other person into all four cuffs, which takes long enough to build thrilling anticipation but not so long as to get tiresome. Once your partner is all spread out and tied down, you’ll have full access to their bits and can get down to business. (Pro tip: slide a pillow or a Liberator Jaz under their hips before you restrain them if you want a better angle for anal penetration, going down on them, riding their cock, or various other fun things.)

A wand vibrator. Wands are sort of the go-to toys for forced-orgasm play, since their notoriously strong vibrations can add to the sense that they’re “inducing” an orgasm against your will. My two faves for this purpose are the Magic Wand Rechargeable and Doxy Die Cast, although if you want something smaller/lighter/easier to wield, I can also heartily recommend the Jimmyjane Iconic Wand and Doxy Number Three. It’s fun to hold a wand against the genitals of someone who can’t squirm away from the intense sensations. Bonus points if you slide your fingers or a dildo inside them at the same time, overwhelming them with feelings they can’t escape. 😈

A blindfold. Taking away someone’s sense of sight heightens their other senses, which is particularly fun in a scene that’s all about providing an onslaught of sensation. Get a soft one that’s contoured to the face; they’ll probably be wearing it for a while, so it should be comfy and stay put!

Lube. For some people, a little strategic dryness might increase the exciting “non-consensual” element of the fantasy – but in general, you’re gonna wanna keep things wet, especially if you’re doing any kind of penetration. Pick something thick and long-lasting, like Sliquid Sassy or The Butters. If you’re doing some kind of medical-play scene, the slow application of cold lube may even add to the clinical feeling you’re going for.

A Fun Factory pulsator. These are expensive and definitely a nice-to-have, not a need-to-have. However, if you enjoy the fantasy of a “fucking machine” but don’t want to spend thousands of dollars, these are the next best thing. Slide a Stronic toy into your partner’s hole and keep it in place by putting a pillow or a Liberator toy against its handle. The toy will bounce faithfully against their G-spot or prostate, freeing you up to do other delightful stuff to the rest of their body!

Have you ever done a forced-orgasm scene? What toy(s) did you use?

 

Thanks so much to Peepshow Toys for sponsoring this post! They’re one of the companies helping me get to the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit this year. Check out their great selection of body-safe sex toys!