Wishlists

Which Sex Toy Should You Buy Your Sweetie For Valentine’s Day?

Kate Sloan

Buying sex toys for someone other than yourself is always a gamble. (Hell, sometimes buying one for yourself is a gamble.) It’s a very personal category of product, like porn or perfume; you can’t necessarily know what’ll work for someone even if you think you know them very well. Usually you’re better off getting them a gift card, or taking them shopping.

That said, there are a few products out that I think are relatively safe bets, depending on you and your partner’s tastes and bits. Here are my top Valentine’s gifts recommendations for 2020…

The We-Vibe Chorus is a brand-new offering from the company that basically invented the couples’ vibe. (Yes, I am side-eying every company who’s ever ripped off We-Vibe’s original, award-winning design very hard right now.) Like the We-Vibe Sync, it’s an adjustable, C-shaped vibrator meant to be worn with one arm inserted to hit the G-spot and one outside on the clit. However, unlike the Sync, you control the vibrations by squeezing the accompanying remote, like a sexy li’l stress ball (or you can turn off that function and just use it like a regular remote).

In a departure for We-Vibe, this one uses a technology called AnkorLink in lieu of Bluetooth – supposedly it’ll maintain its connection more consistently because it can pass through flesh better. You can control the vibe with the remote or with We-Vibe’s proprietary We-Connect app, making this a viable option for long-distance partners as well as local ones. If you like (or think you would like) couples’ vibes for use during sex in private or play in public, this is the most glorious new one I’ve seen in years.

Available at SheVibe.

The Magic Wand Plus is a long-awaited addition to Vibratex’s Magic Wand family. It bridges the gap between the overly strong, loud, plug-in, porous-headed Magic Wand Original and the comparatively sleek, 4-speed, silicone-topped Magic Wand Rechargeable (still one of my all-time favorite vibrators). The Plus has the silicone head and the 4 speeds, but not the rechargeability – or the high price tag.

This makes it, as far as I’m concerned, the best choice for someone who thinks they want a wand, or a powerful vibrator in general, but isn’t totally sure and doesn’t want to drop $100+ on one. It’s a luxury electric wand at a decent price, and if my Vibratex experiences are anything to go by, it’ll last you a good long time. (My MWR is still going strong after nearly 5 years.) Go forth and buzz!

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

PinkCherry sent me one of their Candy Hearts butt plugs recently and, while I’m not normally one for super cutesy sex toys, this one is kind of charming. It’s silicone and the base is made to look like a candy conversation heart emblazoned with an explicit message. This is the kind of thing that sells like hotcakes in sex shops around this time every year.

Of course, part of the appeal here is that a gentle, adorable aesthetic can make a toy seem less intimidating. Butt stuff is old hat for many people, but if your partner is an anal newbie (and digs hyperfemme style), this might be just the thing to help ease them in – and at a totally doable price point, too. With its 1.6″ diameter, this plug isn’t totally beginner-friendly but would probably be comfortable for most butts after at least a few minutes of warm-up with (extremely lubricated) fingers. Happy Valentine’s to your butt!

Available at PinkCherry U.S. and PinkCherry Canada.

I’ve wanted a Liberator Decor Heart Wedge for years even though I already have their (very similar) Wedge and Jaz shapes. What can I say – I’m a sucker for hearts. As with most of Liberator’s products, this one is essentially a firm foam pillow made for supporting bodies during sex. It holds weight far better than a stack of regular ol’ pillows, and the soft casing can be zipped off for laundering, so don’t worry about ruining your “velvish” heart with semen or squirt!

I think this would be an especially lovely gift if your sweetheart has been experiencing body pain or some other health condition that makes certain sex positions more difficult or uncomfortable to get into lately. However, I think pretty much any sexually active person could benefit from having one of these around. Sometimes you just need a little help finding the right angle, and you might as well do that using a product whose aesthetic makes you smile.

Available at SheVibe.

I got a chance to check out the new Womanizer Premium at ANME Founders recently and was really impressed with how far this line’s “Pleasure Air” technology has come. Incase you haven’t heard, companies like Womanizer and Satisfyer are cranking out toys that use tiny blasts of air to create touchless clitoral stimulation that feels something like a mix between oral sex, a clit pump, and a tiny person rap-tap-tapping on your junk. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it certainly is unique!

As far as I can tell, the main things setting apart this latest model from previous Womanizers is the highly ergonomic, sexy shape – which I think would make it particularly suitable for use during PIV sex – and the extra power. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on one of these, because – unlike the tacky, leopard-print and rhinestoned Womanizers of yore – the Premium is elegant, modern, and totally covetable.

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

 

What sex toys do you have your eyes on for Valentine’s Day?

My 11 Must-Haves For Chronic Pain

Kate Sloan

Y’all, it has been a tough month for me with regards to my chronic pain. I’ve spent so many days in bed, asked so many people to help me with basic tasks because my sore body couldn’t accomplish them, cried a few times when painkillers just weren’t cutting it… This shit really sucks sometimes.

But on the plus side, there’s always something I can do to alleviate my symptoms at least a little. Here are some of the products I use on a day-to-day basis that make life with chronic pain more bearable…

A lap desk. Mine is from IKEA but I gather that there are better ones out there. It’s not strictly ergonomic to use a computer in bed – which presents its own host of potential problems in terms of pain – but sometimes, it’s all I can manage. This neat little innovation keeps my computer from overheating on the duvet and creates a sturdy surface that allows for easier typing when I’m too achy to sit at my desk.

An eye mask. I have one from Mad Toto which I like because it has a spiral on each eye (hypnokinksters take note!). Sleep is an important part of my pain management, and since I live in an apartment with gloriously bright wall-to-wall windows, I have to wear an eye mask if I want some quality shut-eye. (More recommendations here.)

A weed vape. It’s funny: in high school I was staunchly anti-drugs, but now, in adulthood, I’ve found that cannabis is one of the only things which can tame both my physical pain and my mental health symptoms. It doesn’t always work, but it sure helps. My current fave thing is the AirVape X, a slick, bright blue vaporizer that comes highly recommended and feels like what would happen if Apple made a vape.

The Notes app. It’s built into iOS and has most of the functions I could want from a note-taking app. I like this one for writing when my body is too sore to use a computer; it syncs to all my various devices so I can later transfer the completed writing wherever it needs to go. (I’ve also been using the Scrivener iOS app sometimes lately because that’s what I’m writing my book in, and it syncs from my computer using Dropbox.)

A heating pad. Mine is an extremely basic microwaveable one I picked up from Shoppers Drug Mart for about $20, but it works a treat. This is sometimes the only thing that can calm down my sore, stiff muscles.

Modal lounge pants. I have several pairs of these now, from Gap and MeUndies, and they’re soooo gooood. During a pain flare-up, it’s important that I have clothes which are comfortable, non-restrictive, and easy to get in and out of, and these totally fit the bill.

Slip dresses (like this). Same deal: these are super comfy for lounging around the house. They’re also, depending on the fabric and the cut, potentially presentable enough to wear outside, particularly if I throw on some leggings underneath and a cardigan on top – always a plus when I barely want to move, let alone change my whole outfit.

Voice recognition software, like Siri on the iPhone. When my pain is really bad, sometimes telling Siri to do my bidding is the best I can manage. With her help, I can write texts, do Google searches, check the weather, etc. without even needing to pick up my phone.

Bath products. Taking a hot bath is one of the most helpful things I can do for my pain. I like Lush bath bombs the most; Epsom salts are also great, especially ones containing essential oils like peppermint and eucalyptus, and now some companies are even making CBD-infused bath products for an extra hit of relaxation.

Lipstick. Silly and frivolous? Yes. Fun and therapeutic? Also yes. Lipstick is (for me, anyway) the easiest cosmetic to apply, so even when I can’t manage eyeliner or foundation, I can still put on a day-brightening coat of lip color and feel cute. Underrated and important!

A vibrator. Okay, as you probably know, I have several. The most helpful one for my chronic pain is the Magic Wand Rechargeable: it’s a stellar muscle massager, and can also readily induce orgasms that ease my symptoms with endorphins. Plus it’s relatively easy to hold even when I’m having a flare-up, unlike heavier wands like the Doxy Die Cast.

 

I asked my fellow chronic pain-afflicted Twitter followers what products they find helpful, and some common recommendations were:

  • A TENS unit. These use pulses of electricity to soothe muscle pain and tension.
  • Electric heating pads and hot water bottles. Basic but useful as hell.
  • Wrist braces, elbow braces, compression gloves, etc. I don’t know quite how well these would work for my particular types of pain but am curious to try!
  • Soothing topicals, including Biofreeze, Tiger Balm, arnica cream, and THC- or CBD-infused coconut oil.
  • Lots of pillows, including firm positioning aids like the Liberator Jaz, for maximizing comfort and propping up sore knees.
  • Ear plugs, for improving sleep quality.
  • A foam roller, for massaging muscles.
  • Ergonomic keyboards, mouses, and desks (especially standing desks) for an easier time at the computer.
  • Food that requires very little prep, like fruits, microwaveable meals, ramen, and oatmeal packets. More suggestions here.

Do you have any favorite products when pain comes a-knockin’?

5 Summertime Faves

Kate Sloan

Summer is upon us! Accordingly, I’m feeling extra grateful for some of the items that get me through the hottest season every year. Here are a few of them…

Revlon balm stain in “Sweetheart”

This pink tinted balm is the ideal low-maintenance lip for a summer night out. You can apply it messily in seconds and it looks fine, after which it stays on pretty well through food and drink. I can’t be bothered constantly reapplying a lip product, especially in summer when sweat/ice cream/kissing make that even more frequently necessary, so I often like to wear one that’ll hold up through whatever the evening brings.

Vornado air circulator

My partner bought me this last year when my room was constantly overheated and I was too overwhelmed by the wide array of fans available online to actually choose and buy one. He read numerous reviews and ended up sending me this one, and it’s served me very well in the year since. It keeps my room cool and livable!

Frederic Malle’s Carnal Flower perfume

The ideal summertime scent. It smells like sunscreen and flowers. I feel a bit like I’ve been dipped in coconut white chocolate when I wear this. It’s feminine (whatever the hell that even means – gender, amirite?) and sexy and summery and perfect.

Neutrogena UltraSheer Dry-Touch sunscreen

Wearing sunscreen is annoying, particularly if you want to wear makeup on top of it, but this is one of the best ones I’ve found. It leaves me only minimally greasy and the smell is relatively inoffensive (for sunscreen, anyway). Don’t forget to properly sunblock any skin that’ll be exposed when you go out, but especially your face and any visible tattoos!

Kleen Kanteen

I’m so into these big-ass water bottles. Staying hydrated is important, especially in summer, but it’s easy to forget about it. Having a cute water bottle near your bed/next to your workspace/in your bag can be a big motivator.

What are your summertime must-haves?

27 Great Things to Own Before You Turn 27

Kate Sloan

I’m turning 27 tomorrow. Weird. I’m decidedly entering my “late twenties,” which feels a little shocking – I still think of myself as essentially a baby, still figuring out how to “adult.” A lot of that is due to mental illness having held me back longer than I’d prefer from typical milestones, and some of it is due to the overall trend of millennials taking longer to move out, get “real” jobs, etc. because of the world’s economic situation right now. But it still feels strange to be turning an age that feels decidedly grown-up without indeed feeling that I’ve grown up.

However, in thinking about it, I do have a whole lot of things that I believe I “ought to” have by this age. These absolutely aren’t prescriptive, and I think no less of you if you don’t have them. But they make me feel more assured in my adulthood, and they might be a useful checklist if you, too, are looking for ways to reassure yourself of your continual grown-upness.

1. A well-worn copy of your favorite book. Is it dog-eared? Have you underlined your favorite passages in pen and scrawled responses in the margins? Have you lent it out to at least three friends? Then it just might be your favorite book.

2. A good selfie mirror. Look, it’s 2019; we have to think about these things. A good full-length selfie mirror was one of the first items I bought for my new apartment when I moved out, and I’ve been glad every day since that I made that decision!

3. Several worthy role models. People who, when you’re stuck or scared, you can ask yourself, “What would ____ do?” Personally, I think my biggest one right now is Alexandra Franzen.

4. Playlists for getting pumped up and for winding down. Music is a major part of the texture of your life, and it can have a huge effect on your mood!

5. A place you can go when you need to be alone. I would tell you about mine, but that would be self-defeating…

6. A signature scent. This one’s tricky because of scent sensitivities and such – but even if you only put on your fave fragrance in the company of you and your beloved, or alone in your bedroom, it’s nice to have a comforting scent that really feels like You. Mine is Aimanté, the perfume my boyfriend had custom-made for me by Brooklyn perfumer Stephen Dirkes, and it still makes me swoon, more than a year into owning it and wearing it regularly.

7. A signature lipstick. For fans of wearing lipstick, there are fewer experiences more gratifying than finally finding one that suits you to a T. It makes your face light up (both for color theory reasons and for pure delight reasons), it coordinates with your fave outfits and accessories, its finish and formulation work for your lifestyle, and even the packaging sparks joy for you. Some of mine: “Violet” by Bite Beauty, “Lucky Red” by Armani, and “Midnight Rose” by Lancôme.

8. A few really good handbags. Okay, ignore me if you’re not a purse person – in which case, I salute you and your bulging pockets – but cute bags are one of the most fun parts of outfit assembly! I have a few I love by Coach, Kate Spade, and mid-century companies whose names have been lost to time, and they serve me very well.

9. A beautiful pen. For signing receipts with a flourish, writing thank-you notes on the fly, and scrawling your phone number on cute people’s arms, of course. My partner, a dyed-in-the-wool pen nerd, recommends JetPens – which is where I picked up my Retro 51 Tornado, the prettiest pen I’ve ever owned.

10. A distinctive and practiced signature. See above. I still haven’t perfected mine. I think there are few things classier than a lovely signature.

11. A job title that makes you feel important, even if you have to make it up and give it to yourself. Look, even if you’re a “sales associate” or a “customer service representative” at your dayjob, you can be the CEO, Editrix-in-Chief, or Creative Director of your side hustle!

12. Treasured nicknames/pet names. Both ones other people have given you and ones you’ve given to other people. This is a type of relational currency and is one of my favorite tiny ways to give and receive affection. (Three of the closest people in my life are “bean,” “bruddy,” and “beeb” – and some of my nearest and dearest call me “Sloany” and “little one.” Swoon!)

13. An idea of what you want to achieve in the next 5 years. You should have a list written down somewhere, even if the items on it seem outlandish and implausible. You’ll probably be amazed at your progress when you look back at it in a few years!

14. A manicurist, hairdresser, waxer, shoeshine, etc. who you would trust with your life. These professions are immensely honorable, in no small part because they have to carefully handle things which are either very susceptible to damage or very important to you or both. Having a service provider on speed-dial can give you so much peace of mind.

15. A go-to local bar or café, and a regular order there. These places are critical to my sanity (such as it is) – they are somewhere I can go when I don’t want to be alone but I can’t quite handle actual social plans. They can also be great settings for those social plans, if and when you’re so inclined. It’s such a comfort having a place where, as they say, “everybody knows your name.”

16. A list of qualities you require in every romantic partner, and one of qualities that would disqualify a person from consideration. (Replace with “friend” if you’re not looking for a romantic partner.) Personal boundaries are a crucial skill to learn as you grow older; good ones can transform your life. Somewhere around 27 is the age I figure I should stop wasting my time on fuckboys, brutes, and clods, and focus my energies exclusively on kind-hearted charmers.

17. Sexy-as-fuck pictures of yourself. Hire a pin-up photographer, enlist a partner, or just set up a tripod and a remote and take ’em yourself. You deserve to have a record of how gorgeous you are!

18. A chequing account, a savings account, and perhaps a credit card. Boring but true.

19. Good glassware. This is a small thing which can feel huge. I feel so much more settled in my home life now that I have a few decent old-fashioned glasses and big water glasses. A set of 4 cost me about $10 at a dollar store. Brilliant.

20. A nice set of towels. These are a fairly recent acquisition for me; previously I was rotating between a couple of cheap beach towels, but my boyfriend (rightfully) insisted I upgrade to something more adult. I was not prepared for how much more luxurious my life would feel once it had big fluffy towels in it!

21. Bedding that makes you happy. Unless you’re a significant outlier in terms of your lifestyle, you likely spend a lot of time in or around your bed. It might as well look and feel like a nice place to be!

22. At least a handful of excellent sex toys (provided, of course, that sex and/or masturbation are things you desire and enjoy). You don’t need to have a zillion like I do, but you should at least have enough to suit your needs. I tend to think almost everybody needs, at the very least, a vibrator, an insertable, and some kind of fun kink tool (e.g. nipple clamps, a paddle, some under-the-bed restraints).

23. Lube that works well for your body. If you have no idea where to begin, just buy a bottle of Sliquid Sassy (best for vaginas and butts) or Uberlube (best for vulvas, vaginas, and penises) and put it on your nightstand. Trust me, if you’ve never used lube regularly but you make yourself start, you’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes.

24. Exquisite loungewear/pajamas. Another thing that seems small but makes a huge difference. I’m ride-or-die for MeUndies lounge pants.

25. An archive of love letters. If you’ve never received any, then offer to exchange some with your friends!

26. A well-stocked medicine cabinet. A practical (a.k.a. boring) suggestion, but there you go. You probably need, at minimum, painkillers, nausea meds, cold and flu meds, Band-Aids, rubbing alcohol, Pepto-Bismol, and perhaps some vitamins.

27. A stress management toolbox. I don’t mean a literal box, although you could go that route. No, I mean a series of functional coping strategies you can call upon when times are tough. A journaling habit, a CBT workbook, an exercise routine, good friends to talk to, a soothing self-care ritual… All of these could be useful to have in place when stress comes a-knockin’.

 

What did you consider important to acquire or achieve before age 27?

My Phone Sex Setup

Kate Sloan

I talk a lot about phone sex on here, but I’ve said almost nothing about the actual logistical tools I use for this particular lascivious act.

And that stuff’s important! The wrong phone sex setup can make you feel farther from your partner when you want to feel closer. You don’t want to be stuck fiddling with Bluetooth settings and charger cables when you could be focusing on your paramour’s pretty moans.

My partner and I have had phone sex almost every night for over a year (YEESH) so I have ample experience and opinions in this arena! Here are some of my phone-sex must-haves…

The phone itself

My current phone is an iPhone XS; it was a Christmas present to myself, because my old 6S was barely functional after being thrashed for 3 years. I love the XS! It’s sleek and sexy, and it sounds great.

My only real beef with this phone is Apple’s decision to remove the headphone jack and force you to use the Lightning port at the bottom for both headphones and chargers – which could be impractical for phone-sex purposes, but I’ve found workarounds, which I’ll explain below…

On occasion, I’ve used other WiFi-enabled devices, like my iPad, to talk to my partner. It’s good to know I have a backup incase my phone ever needs to be repaired or something.

Phone accessories

Call me a basic bitch if you must, but my #1 must-have iPhone accessory for phone sex is just a pair of those basic white earbuds that come with the phone. They have a little remote on one side which lets you control the volume level and even answer calls with one click, and there’s also a little microphone on that remote. Occasionally I’ll switch to my big noise-canceling headphones if I want to hear additional depth and richness in my partner’s voice – like if we’re doing a hypno scene – but for the most part, those standard Apple earbuds work just fine. (I have to use a Lightning-to-headphone-jack adapter when I mix up my choice of headphones, unfortunately. What are you doing, Apple.)

Speaking of that fucking Lightning port… I got tired of having to choose between wearing my headphones and plugging my phone in, so I bought a wireless charging pad for my nightstand. Initially this seemed like a frivolous expenditure, but I use it ALL THE TIME and it comes in handy when my phone battery dwindles while my partner is whispering sweet hot things at me.

On that note, regardless of what type of phone you have, I would recommend getting a super-long charging cable for it (AmazonBasics makes the ones I like). Trust me, you might not think you need a 10-foot-long charging cable right now, but the extra mobility and convenience are worth the $10-20 you’ll spend on it.

Software

My partner and I use FaceTime audio for the vast majority of our aural communiqué. It sounds way better than a normal phone call, and you can hear things like breathing and soft moans more clearly, which, as you might imagine, matters. We’ll also occasionally use FaceTime video if we’re in the mood to see each other (or, y’know, each other’s junk). If I’m having WiFi troubles and FaceTime starts turning me into a low-res robot, we’ll switch to a regular phone call – but it’s definitely not preferred.

When we want to watch something together, we use Rabb.it – which I mention here only because sometimes we indulge in some porn as foreplay of sorts. This app has its problems (it always seems to take us a good few minutes to figure out how to join the same room, because the interface is unnecessarily complicated), but I haven’t really found anything else that does what it does.

Very occasionally, my partner instructs me to look at something – like, say, a spiral or some looping wink videos during a hypno scene – in which case I usually open it up in QuickTime or Preview on my MacBook.

Miscellaneous equipment

Speaking of watching spirals/gifs/porn while talking on the phone – if I want to do that in bed, rather than at my desk, I’ll pull out my lap desk from IKEA (this one is similar) and prop up the computer on that. You don’t want to worry about your laptop overheating while you’re trying to, um, get overheated yourself!

Clothing-wise: this might seem silly, but I love my MeUndies lounge pants for the early stages of phone sex, when we’re mostly just flirting and saying mildly suggestive things. (Clothes start to come off after that point, although sometimes I wish they wouldn’t!) I love these for simple reasons: they are comfy as hell, they’re loose and stretchy enough that I can get a hand or even a vibe inside them without needing to take them off, the fabric is thin enough that I can easily use a vibe through it if I want to, and – best of all – they have FOUR pockets, each of which is big enough to fit my phone. So if I have to get up during phone sex – say, to wash a sex toy or go get a snack – I can just tuck my phone in there while my headphones remain on. Perf.

As with any kind of sex, it’s good to have lube somewhere nearby and easily accessible. I keep a bevy of options on my nightstand. It goes without saying, surely, that my favorite sex toys are also always close at hand, and my Eroscillator is always plugged in.

Finally, I try to always have snacks and water available if I’m gonna have phone sex. You’re saying a lot of words and making a lot of sounds; you should keep your voice lubricated! The snacks come in handy for aftercare; sex across vast geographical expanses obviously doesn’t allow for cuddly, body-based aftercare, so we double up on the verbal kind (compliments, jokes, contented sighs) and yummy treats to bring our bodies and brains back to normal.

What are your must-have tools and supplies when you have phone sex?