Blogging & Writing

Sex Blogging Secrets, Part 4: Monetization

Kate Sloan

It still makes my head spin that you can earn money from blogging. I mean, it makes perfect sense – it’s work, and under capitalism, we exchange work for money! – but it’s still so exciting to me that I constructed this little corner of the internet myself, according to my own rules and interests and quirks and experiences, and people will now pay me to write the kind of stuff I like writing anyway. Oh, joy!

If you haven’t already, check out the previous parts of this series: so far we’ve learned how to start a blog, create good content, and build a readership. Today we’re talking about MONEY!

Stuff to keep in mind

First off: you deserve to be paid for your work, provided that your work is good and provides value to someone. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

That said, that doesn’t mean you’re going to earn money instantly from your brand-new blog, even if you’re the best writer in the world. Blogging is an oversaturated game and tons of people are trying to make a buck from it; you will have an advantage over the majority of those people if you stick it out and maintain your blog past that initial honeymoon phase when it feels easy, but it will still probably take a while for you to make any significant money from your blog. If that disheartens you, quit now and go do something else – because you’ll just get frustrated and end up quitting anyway!

Affiliate marketing

Probably the first monetization avenue you should look into when you start your blog is affiliate marketing. You can start doing it right away, from your very first post, if you want. It doesn’t rely on having a large readership or a ton of SEO cachet.

Affiliate marketing is where you sign up for an affiliate account at a company (say, Lelo or SheVibe) and then you use special links that are unique to you, so that if someone buys a product through your links, you’ll earn a small percentage of that sale (usually somewhere between 10% and 30%).

Almost all the money my blog brought in during its first year was via affiliate links. I used them not only on my blog but also on message boards, subreddits, etc. where I was offering sex toy recommendations. (Check the community rules before doing this; some communities have strict anti-affiliate regulations in place and consider these links to be spammy.)

Are affiliates all liars?

When I explain how I make money to my non-blogger friends, they’ll often ask some variation of, “But what if you don’t like a toy you’re reviewing? Don’t you have an incentive to review it positively if you earn commissions for each sale?”

It depends on your ethics, of course. But for me, my integrity and my readers’ trust is more important to me than making quick cash. If I don’t like a toy, I say that. And then I recommend a similar one I like better. That way I still might earn commissions, and my review also ends up being more helpful to my readers anyway because it gives them purchasing options.

If you’re doing any kind of affiliate marketing or sponsored content on your blog, you should also have a disclosure notice on your site somewhere. It’s only fair to your readers, and it’s also what you’re technically required to do by the Federal Trade Commission.

Advertising

I don’t actively pursue advertisers, and I never really have. When my blog started to get somewhat popular, advertisers began emailing me. You’re welcome to take a more active approach than I did, by sending out emails to companies you think might want to advertise on your blog, but you should be aware that you need to have fairly decent traffic for ads to be a worthwhile investment for any company.

Start keeping a stat counter on your blog ASAP so you’ll have traffic numbers to show potential advertisers.

Also decide what kinds of ads you want to offer. Sidebar ads are easy because most blog layouts have a sidebar and those ads don’t usually distract from your blog content too much. If you’re offering text ads, how long will you allow the text to be, and where will those ads be placed in the sidebar? If you’re offering banner ads, what size(s) of banners will be acceptable to you, where will you put them, and will different sizes and placements have different costs? Work this all out in advance and write up a quick little template containing all this information so you don’t waste time typing it out every time an advertiser emails you.

As your blog grows, you’ll need a way to remember who bought what type of advertising, how long each ad needs to run, etc. I know bloggers who use Google Calendar, Excel spreadsheets, and various other methods. Personally I just write the removal dates in my calendar app and I hold onto all my email exchanges with advertisers incase I need to check/verify anything later on.

On the topic of what to charge: I still find this confusing, and I quite often consult with fellow bloggers (privately) about what they charge, to help me decide. I recommend you do this as well, taking care to ask people whose blogs are of a similar size to yours or have been in the past. But overall, I think you should charge a bit more than the minimum you’d feel comfortable charging, whatever that may be. If an advertiser is willing to pay, they’re generally willing to pay fairly.

Sponsored content

Some bloggers write posts on their blogs or on social media that are “sponsored,” meaning someone has paid them to write those posts, usually so that the blogger will include links to the company in the post.

You don’t have to do sponsored content. Some bloggers feel it would compromise their blog’s integrity to do this kind of work, and that’s fine. Personally, I occasionally do sponsored posts, with the caveats that:

• I write them myself (I never publish content provided to me by a company)

• I write them in the typical style and voice of my blog (no promotional bullshit)

• I write what I honestly think (I won’t give a positive review to a product I hated or haven’t even tried)

• I only write sponsored content for companies whose ethics I’m okay with (nothing homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., and no body-unsafe toys)

• I always disclose if a post is sponsored, as per FCC guidelines (some companies try to argue with me about this, which has led to many a deal being canceled, but it’s a rule I don’t budge on)

However you choose to do sponsored content (if you do), I recommend being totally open with your readers about your process and your real feelings on the subject. You’ll lose their trust very quickly if you do sponsored posts that feel like sales pitches for companies you don’t even actually support. Choose these projects carefully and be entirely forthcoming with both your advertisers and your readers about your sponsorship ethics!

What are your thoughts on blog monetization? Are there methods you love? Methods that make your skin crawl? How do you decide what to charge? Do you think “blogger” has become a viable and profitable career path?

Sex Blogging Secrets, Part 3: Building a Readership

Kate Sloan

The third part in this series is on a pretty important topic: amassing some readers for your blog, now that you’ve got it all set up and you’ve started putting content on it. It would be a shame if no one was around to read your brilliance, so let’s get started on building your merry band of fans!

Content is king

If you’ve ever spent time with people who work in media, blogging, publishing, and so on, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Content is king” – because it’s true. If your writing sucks, is boring, is littered with errors, or just doesn’t contain anything worthwhile or unique, you won’t do nearly as well as you potentially could, even if your blog is hella fancy-looking and your social media game is strong.

The best kind of content for gaining readers is anything shareable. What kinds of blog posts make you want to show them to your friends, link to them on your Facebook or Twitter, and tell people about them in conversation? That’s the kind of blog post you should be writing if you want to build your audience.

I find that how-to posts do very well, because people are apt to share them and a lot of stray Googlers stumble onto them. Product reviews are also good because they get a lot of search engine traffic. Lists (top 10, top 5, ways to do something, new things to try, questions to ask, etc.) also do well because they’re easy and fast reads. (Not everything you write has to be dumbed-down and brief, obviously, but it can be a good initial draw sometimes.)

Giveaways

One of the big ways I built my audience initially was by running giveaways. They attract a lot of attention because a) everyone wants to win free stuff and b) you can use a service like Rafflecopter to make sharing/re-posting mandatory for contest entrants, so that your post (and therefore your blog as a whole) will get shared around a lot.

You can ask a sex toy company or retailer if they’d like to provide you with a product for a giveaway. I’ve often found that companies can be very generous in this way if they think it’s going to boost their web presence (a lube company hooked me up with a big box of products for my first giveaway!). If you can’t find anyone to offer a product, you could always buy/provide one yourself – the publicity may be worth it to you. (If it’s not, no worries; just build up your readership in other ways, and you can revisit giveaways later, when your bigger audience will make companies more likely to offer you products.)

Whatever you offer in a giveaway, make sure it’s a product that’s actually relevant to your blog. A sex blogger could do a giveaway of Modcloth skirts or an iPad mini or whatever, but she’ll tend to gain and retain more followers if she gives away some kind of sex-related product, because the contest will attract people who like the kind of content she’s producing.

Social media

Everyone’s on social media these days, so it should come as no surprise that online networking is a big way for you to build your readership. I know that I am a hell of a lot more likely to check out someone’s blog if they’re regularly sending me thoughtful or funny replies to my tweets, or if they have interesting things to say in my comments section.

When I first got my blog, I followed a ton of other sex bloggers and various other folks in the sex industry, and I spent a lot of time responding to them, joking around with them, asking them questions, and so on. It got me noticed by some of the big players in that space, and some of them started retweeting me and even linking to my posts. This widened my audience considerably.

However, there’s a caveat, which is: don’t be a spammy asshole. If you’re going to interact with people, do it from a place of genuine interest. If your entire intention is to get yourself noticed and advertise your blog, that will come across in the things you write, and trust me, it feels gross to be accosted by someone like that online. (If you don’t find other sex bloggers interesting enough that you can interact with them like a normal, pleasant human, you might not be a good fit for sex blogging.)

Treat your readers well

This is one of my fundamental philosophies in everything I do online, and I think it has served me very well. People will feel better about reading your blog, and having you in their online social spheres, if you treat them well. Simple, but so easily forgotten.

I don’t mean that you have to suck up to everyone in your Twitter mentions, and I don’t mean that you have to be sweet to the assholes who send you abusive or rude messages. Here’s what I do mean: if someone leaves you a thoughtful comment, leave them an equally thoughtful reply. When you get an email from a reader, a sex toy company, a potential advertiser, or anyone else, respond with warm respect and common decency. If readers ever help you come up with ideas (which mine do, often, because I like using Twitter to find sources or resources), thank them – publicly.

Just generally: be a good person, and give credit where credit is due. You owe a lot to your readers; don’t forget that!

Other tips

For the first year or so of my blog’s existence, the majority of my readers (and thus the majority of my income!) came from my interactions on Reddit. While being very careful not to spam or annoy people, I would occasionally leave a link to one of my blog posts in relevant discussion threads. For example, if someone on /r/sex wanted a sex toy recommendation, I might link them to my toybox page, or to a specific toy review. Or if someone on /r/askwomen wanted tips on dealing with a vaginal infection, I might link them to my post on that. You get the picture. (If you do this, please check the rules of the particular subreddit first – some of them have rules against “self-promotion,” affiliate links, etc.)

It’s useful if you can offer something on your blog that no one else is offering, or that no one else is offering in quite the way you do. If you’re thinking of writing a blog post on a particular subject and you know other bloggers have covered it, ask yourself: what will make my post shareable over other people’s take on the same topic? It might be a different perspective, a different method, whatever – just some kind of unique take. Always keep that in mind.

Good post titles are imperative. If you’re bored by the title of a post, you’re unlikely to click through and read the rest. So make your titles damn good.

A fun way to expand your reach is to write about topics that cover your niche area (sex) as well as another niche area. Some of my most popular posts do this: I interested makeup fans with my blowjob-friendly lipsticks post, for example, and I crossed into the self-love/self-help space with my post on receiving desire when you feel undesirable.

Be a good citizen of the internet. That means sharing other people’s stuff, writing about other people, linking to them, supporting them, interacting with them. Blog readership is not a pie whose pieces you have to guard jealously for yourself; supporting your community of bloggers is good internet karma, increases the likelihood that they will help you in return, and just feels good to do.

Bloggers: how did you build your audience?

Sex Blogging Secrets, Part 2: Creating Good Content

Kate Sloan

I’m back with more sex blogging tips for y’all!

Overall guiding principles

When it comes to blog advice, I worship at the altar of the Blogcademy. There are two tips they emphasize that I’d like to share with you today, to set the tone for the rest of the content-creation stuff in this post.

The first is that you should think of your blog like it’s a magazine for a certain kind of reader. Cosmopolitan, for instance, isn’t just fashion or just beauty or just sex advice – it’s all of those things and more, because the Ideal Cosmo Reader is interested in a broad range of things, just like we all are. You’ll run out of ideas fast if you limit your blog to only one topic (like sex toys) or only one type of post (like erotica stories), so instead, try to pinpoint the sort of reader you’re writing for, and write all the various different things they would be interested in. (My Ideal Reader is a feminist sex geek with a sense of humor. Kind of like me!)

The second tip I’ve learned from the Blogcademy ladies is that your blog will be most successful if most of your content is helpful and valuable to your readers. That’s not to say there’s no place for writing about yourself and your own personal adventures, but it’s mostly going to be people who already know you and care about you that will read that stuff. Everyone else has no idea who you are and only wants to read your blog if it’ll help them in some way. That might sound sort of cynical, but actually, writing helpful content can be really fun! And it gets shared a lot more, so you’ll attract more eyeballs. Win-win!

Coming up with post ideas

Hopefully, if you want to start a sex blog, it’s because there are lots of sex-related things you want to write about. But even if that’s the case, we all still deal with writer’s block sometimes. So it’s important to have strategies for generating post ideas.

Here are some of mine:

• Read the news (online or in print) to see what’s going on in the world of sex, and respond to what you see.

• Talk to your friends (mostly the sex-positive ones, but sometimes even the less sexually open ones will give you ideas) about what bothers them about sex, what they wonder about it, weird experiences they’ve had, etc. See if anything sparks an idea.

• Write about your own past experiences.

• Write how-to guides.

• Write reviews of products you own (or can get retailers/companies to send you – see Epiphora’s guide for info on how to do that).

• Write wishlists of products you’d like to own, sexual experiences you’d like to have, fantasies you’d like to explore, etc.

• Write about your fantasies or turn-ons, or other people’s.

• Write about things you’ve learned about sex.

Whatever strategies you use, you’ll need to have a way to make notes of post ideas before they slip away (which, trust me, they will – our human brains are more sieve-like than we care to realize). I always have a notebook in my bag while I’m out, as well as the notes app on my phone. I also keep a notebook and pen by my bed, incase of sudden middle-of-the-night flashes of brilliance.

Keep an ongoing list of ideas you think are actually good, and have it near your workspace so you can refer to it if you ever feel stuck.

Regular features

Having features is a great way to make sure you don’t run out of ideas. They can also be something your readers come to excitedly expect from you, and they can become one of the signatures of your blog.

I find that features are fantastic for idea generation because they spark my imagination and I don’t have to work too hard to come up with ideas for them; I’m always brimming with sex writing tips, strange new-to-me fantasies, and sexual language pet peeves.

One of the beautiful things about blogging is that you are the boss of your blog and you make the rules, so you can try out new features without necessarily committing to them forever. Brainstorm a few ideas for features and give them a go for a while. If they help you, yay! If not, you don’t have to do them.

Planning ahead

Like most things in life, blogging is a lot less stressful when you’re overprepared and ahead of the game. I’m not always on top of everything, but it certainly helps to keep an editorial calendar and to queue up posts in advance.

An editorial calendar is just a calendar of what you’re going to publish and when. I started keeping one this year after 2+ years of just blogging whenever I felt like it – which works fine for some people but always made me feel sort of frazzled!

I keep my editorial calendars on index cards, one per month. I aim to post twice a week, so my cards are laid out in three columns so I can indicate which two posts I plan on doing for each week. It’s nice to have the dates at my fingertips because then I can plan date-appropriate content – for example, a Valentine’s Day-themed post when that day is coming up.

You’re not obliged to follow your plan to the letter, and I usually don’t – there are always lots of crossed-out posts on my editorial calendars, because I get other ideas that I’m more excited about and that I want to work on sooner. I just move the discarded post ideas back to my ongoing ideas list, and I can write them at a later date.

Queuing up posts in advance is another way to stay on top of your blog work. I find my enthusiasm for blogging often comes in bursts of a few hours, so when that happens, I try to write at least one or two posts and schedule them to be published later in the week. That way, I never have to force myself to blog when I don’t feel like it – because that never results in good content! (Fun fact: I wrote this blog post last Friday, because the day it’s being published, I’m going to be on vacation in Montreal. Pre-planning has allowed me to enjoy my vacation stress-free! Hooray!)

Next week I’m going to talk to you about one of my favorite subjects: building a readership! Tweet at me if you’ve got specific questions on that topic and I’ll do my best to address ‘em.

Sex Blogging Secrets, Part 1: Starting a Blog

Kate Sloan

A couple weeks ago, this email landed in my inbox:

Hi GJ. I’m writing because I was wondering if you have any tips for someone who is thinking of starting a sex blog. I’m not sure if I want to do it, but do you have any advice for starting a blog, keeping it going, getting readers, making money from your blog (if you do), etc.?

Needless to say, I have a lot of thoughts on this topic! So I’m going to split up my answer into a multi-part series. Today’s part focuses on starting a blog and all the choices and challenges that come along with that.

Choosing a name

I suggest you brainstorm at least a couple dozen different blog names that do a good job of capturing the kind of mood and subject matter you hope your blog will convey. Then, pick your favorites and roll them around in your mind for a while. Write them down, say them out loud a lot, ask your friends what they think, etc. If any name starts to feel wrong or uncomfortable in any way, axe it from the list!

I say this because – secret confession time – I really don’t like the name of my blog. I chose it because I thought it had the sexy-meets-dorky vibe I knew my blog would end up having, but the more that I’ve lived with this blog name, the less I like it. Saying it out loud makes me cringe (which makes in-person networking difficult, obviously!) and I often feel like I have to justify or explain what it means.

Choose a blog name that you’re in love with, that you’re proud to say, that reminds you of your vision for your blog, and that you could shout across a crowded room without someone mishearing or misunderstanding it.

Domains, hosting, and other web names

An addendum to the above point: the name you choose for your blog should, ideally, be available as a .com domain name as well as a username on every social media site you plan to use.

You’ll notice that I have a .net domain name, and my Twitter username has an underscore in it. Learn from my mistakes! Check this stuff before you decide on a name.

I’m not a wiz kid when it comes to stuff like domain registration and web hosting, so I will refer you to Epiphora’s sex blogging guide because she goes into those things in detail.

Can you really be a sex blogger?

A reality check: you should only start a sex blog if:

• You LOVE writing

• You’re VERY passionate about sex

• You can come up with at least 20-30 different blog post ideas off the top of your head right now

• You can handle criticism and rudeness (especially if you’re a woman)

• You can talk/write/think about sex without blushing or cringing, AND

• You understand that blogging is not a get-rich-quick scheme

Please don’t start a sex blog solely for money, fame, free products, or sexual attention. You may well get those things eventually, but they are not good motivators for maintaining a blog in the long-term, and you will flame out before the going gets good if you’re expecting those faraway incentives to show up immediately.

Do this because you want to do it and love the thought of doing it. That’s really the only motivation that will keep you blogging for the long haul. (I say this as someone who is obsessed with sex and absolutely adores writing. Trust me, these things are important!)

What’s your blog’s deal?

What is your blog going to be about? And don’t just say “sex,” because, duh. Get more specific. Are you going to review sex toys? Criticize sexual media? Write erotica? Detail your sexual adventures? Will your goal be to help your readers, or to entertain them, or both, or something else entirely? Will your lens be feminist, sex-positive, both, neither, or something else? How do you want readers to feel when they read your blog? Will your voice be saucy, sexy, straightforward, silly, or serious?

Sharpening your vision is very important, especially since blogging is an oversaturated game and you need to set yourself apart to have any hope of success. It might help to come up with some kind of tagline or subtitle for your blog, even if you never use it anywhere. (Mine is “Reviews and how-to’s for feminist sex nerds.”) The better and clearer your internal guide for the work you plan to do, the stronger and more unique your work will be.

Here are some examples of bloggers who I think have really strong, well-developed, unique niches within the realm of sex blogging:

• Epiphora writes snarky, brutally honest sex toy reviews, and occasional feminist rants.

• Reenie approaches her reviews and writing from a perspective of relative innocence and sheltered-ness, which I think her readers find either adorable or relatable, depending on their own personal experiences.

• Lilly is hard to please and writes tough but fair reviews. She also writes easy-to-understand, no-bullshit guides to technical or scientific aspects of sex toys and sex blogging, like toxic toy chemicals and how to file copyright complaints.

• Aerie’s blog combines sex toy writing with board game writing, because they are passionate about both of those things. Aerie is a great example of someone who puts their own spin on sex blogging by capitalizing on their authentic interests.

Your “about” page

This should be one of the first things you write when you make your blog. It’s important, not only so your readers can find out more about you, but also so you get a better sense of the persona or personality you’re going to project with your blog.

Please include, at a minimum, all of the following things on your About page:

• Your name (or the pseudonym you’ll go by on your blog)

• Your pronouns/gender identity (yes, even if you’re cis and normative-looking)

• Where and how you can be reached (email address, social media handles, maybe a contact form)

• Why, how, and when you started your blog

• Your blog’s mission/what sets you apart (you can state this as simply or complexly as you like, but it should be there somewhere)

• Any other info you think your readers should know about you in order to understand where you’re coming from (possibly: age, location, sexual orientation, relationship status, etc.)

• Some personality! Let your sense of humor, writing voice, and real interests shine through.

Check out my About page and those of the bloggers I listed above for some examples.

Stay tuned; the next post in this series will be about what to do once you’ve actually started your blog – generating ideas and writing posts. Get excited!!

4 Skills Erotica Writers Need (That I Totally Don’t Have)

Kate Sloan

Hey, remember when I told you I was writing sexy fanfiction? Well, I’ve been doing more of it. And it’s making me think a lot about the conventions of the erotica genre: which ones I hate, which ones I love, and which ones I envy and desperately wish I could incorporate better in my own writing.

Here are four erotica-writing skills I totally admire in other writers and want to get better at.

1. Writing erections in a way that isn’t clichéd or porny.

Writers throughout history have come up with zillions of flowery ways to write about female arousal. Glistening petals, hot honeyed centers, engorged pink nubs, blah blah blah. But it seems to me that penises are often described more crassly and minimally, especially hard penises.

The other night I eloquently tweeted “Booooooneeeeerrrrrrs” because I was slightly wine-drunk and didn’t have the brainpower to adequately describe how I felt about this story. CTRL+F your way down to “When the food arrived” and read until Jake gets “very, very hard.” That, to me, is an example of a sweet, almost romantic description of a boner.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know a whole lot about how it actually feels to get a hard-on, and there are very few dudes in my life who I would trust to answer that question for me without things getting awkward in some way. Hmm… (P.S. Dude readers of this blog, please don’t take this as an invitation to send me detailed messages about your wang. Thaaaanks.)

2. Showing, not telling, feelings.

I’ve been a writer since I was a kid. It’s my vocation, career, and favorite hobby. I’ve taken more writing classes in my 22 years of life than most people take in their entire lifetimes. And yet, somehow, I still periodically need to yell at myself: “SHOW, DON’T TELL!” This frustratingly ubiquitous writers’ mantra still hasn’t completely sunk in for me.

I find myself writing stuff like “She felt apprehensive” or “She thought she was going to swoon onto the floor” and then I have to go back and fix those phrases to make them more demonstrative. “She bit her lip and wrinkled her nose.” “Her cheeks warmed and reddened.” Whatever.

“Show, don’t tell” should be taped up over every writer’s workspace. Sometimes I think I should get it tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.

3. Creating tension.

I’m not good at building romantic/sexual tension in my stories, because I haven’t experienced a whole lot of it in my actual life.

Why? Because I’m a candid weirdo who doesn’t know how to flirt and usually ends up saying really on-the-nose things like “I think you’re cute” instead of beating around the bush in any way.

This approach has its advantages, obviously. But it also means that I have very little sense of what genuine flirtation actually looks like. So I find it hard to write that stuff.

It’s infuriating, because when I read great flirty dialogue in other people’s stories, it makes me squirm and giggle and clap and say “AWW!” and that feeling is basically the whole reason I read romantic fiction of any kind. Damn, I wish I could make my readers feel that way.

4. Demonstrating consent without being too heavy-handed.

It’s a sad reality that we live in a culture where demonstrated consent can sometimes be the antithesis of sexiness. At least, to some people.

A lot of the kinks I love to write about are power-based: bondage, spanking, “ravishment,” and so on. These are things that obviously require explicit consent and negotiation in real life, but in fiction, sometimes seem hotter and more visceral when there’s minimal discussion beforehand.

Though I understand that porn and erotica are meant to be about fantasy and escapism, ethically it doesn’t sit right with me to write this kind of scene without at least some acknowledgment of consent. But how do you do that without draining the hotness out of it? I struggle with this not only in fiction but also in life.

But I have high hopes that good sex writing can lead the charge in demonstrating how consent conversations can be sexy. I think the onus is on us erotic content creators to think up and disseminate blisteringly hot consent negotiations so that the general public learns how to have those chats without losing their boners in the process.

What skills, techniques, tropes and conventions do you admire in erotic writing?