Of all the kinks I’ve explored in my diverse and storied sex life, I think hypnokink is one of the ones I get the most questions about. Sometimes people seem flummoxed when I mention it, as if they had never even considered that hypnosis could be perverted into a sex act – and I don’t blame them, because I didn’t really know it was a thing either, before I did it!
I’m no hypno expert – you should look into the work of Mark Wiseman, Sleepingirl, Mr. Dream, Lee Allure, and DJ Pynchon if you want info from more experienced people – but here, nonetheless, are the answers to some of the most common questions I get asked about hypnosis.
Q. What is hypnosis?
A. The way I understand it, hypnosis (or hypnotism) is the process of bringing someone into an altered state (trance).
Q. What is trance?
A. Much like subspace, being drunk/high, or being in “flow state,” trance is an altered state that can change how you speak, how you behave, and how you perceive stimuli. Trance is characterized by hyper-focus, though it may not look like that from the outside. Someone who is in trance is often more suggestible than they would otherwise be, which makes it a useful state for kink games.
Q. What does trance feel like?
A. It’s important to emphasize here that 1) trance feels different for different people and 2) it may not feel like what you’d expect it to feel like. You will have a better hypnosis experience if you’re able to release all preconceived notions about what trance “should” feel like and just remain present and focused on what you are feeling.
That said, for me, trance feels a lot like those calm, still moments between sleep and wakefulness, or like being super stoned but still lucid. My thoughts come more slowly, and there are fewer of them. It’s often hard for me to speak or move when in trance. My eyes fall closed and my body goes slack. I can still perceive and understand what’s happening around me, but am particularly focused on the voice of my hypnotist and have, to some extent, the ability to tune out other stimuli. It’s a warm, pleasant, heavy feeling, like being really sleepy in a big comfy bed.
Q. Afterward, do you remember what happened while you were in trance?
A. For the most part, yes. It can be like subspace in that sometimes my memory will be blurry or will need to be jogged if I’m going to recall the scene. But unless specifically instructed to forget something (a potentially risky practice called hypnotic amnesia), I typically have no problem remembering what happened.
Q. Can anyone be hypnotized?
A. There are some neurological conditions which may make trance difficult or impossible to achieve – usually conditions which affect one’s ability to focus. However, most people can be hypnotized.
Q. Can a hypnotist make you do things you don’t want to do?
A. As Sleepingirl and GleefulAbandon point out in their excellent zine about hypnosis myths, the idea of hypnosis as mind control isn’t right but also isn’t completely wrong. While your trancey brain will often naturally fight against following orders you genuinely don’t want to follow, it is still possible for someone to use hypnosis to sway your behavior in ways that may go against your will. That’s true for lots of kinks: if I trusted a dominant, for example, the intoxication of subspace could make me do things they told me to do during a scene, even if those things hadn’t previously been negotiated or agreed to. As with any kink activity, hypnosis scenes should be thoroughly negotiated beforehand, and you should use your best judgment in selecting partners you think are trustworthy.
Q. How can I learn hypnosis?
A. If you want to be a hypnotist (also known in the community as a top or a ’tist), I would strongly recommend picking up Mark Wiseman’s book Mind Play. It’s a great primer on the whys and hows of erotic hypnosis, and you will be able to at least attempt to hypnotize someone after reading it. There’s also a reading list on Mr. Dream’s FetLife profile that you’ll find helpful.
If you’re only interested in being a hypnotic subject (also known as a bottom or a hypnotee), I still think you should read Mind Play to get a sense for how hypnosis works and what it can be used for. There’s even a section in Mind Play that teaches you how to hypnotize yourself. There are also tons of sex workers and content creators who offer hypnosis videos and audios – Priestess Katherine, Alicia Fairclough, Gently Bitten, and Tennfan, for example – though it should be noted that these aren’t a perfect substitute for “the real thing” with a partner, because, like sex, hypnosis works best when all participants involved are present, paying attention, and tailoring their approach to the person or people they’re with.
Q. How did you get into hypnosis?
A. I was vaguely aware of erotic hypnosis before meeting my current partner Matt (a fuckbuddy once tried to induce an orgasm in me using hypnotic-ish techniques, much to my amusement and chagrin), but I never tried it until I started dating them in 2017. It was a major kink of theirs – which they disclosed to me sometime between our first and second dates – and it immediately piqued my interest because of how it could potentially be combined with D/s. We did our first hypno scene by accident (!) and the rest is history.
Q. Is it hot?
A. There are lots of people for whom the hot thing is the hypnosis itself. Maybe being in trance turns them on, maybe seeing someone else going into trance turns them on, maybe hypnosis tropes in TV and movies turn them on, maybe all of the above! As with many fetishes, hypnokink isn’t always easy to explain to people who don’t have that kink. Either you get it or you don’t.
That said, you don’t have to have a hypno fetish to find erotic hypnosis sexy. I (and many others) find it hot for reasons other than the trance itself: for example, the power dynamics at play, the sensory effects hypnosis can induce, and the way a skilled hypnotist can quiet my anxious mind to allow for greater heights of relaxation and arousal. If you eroticize control – controlling someone, being controlled, or both – then hypno can be a really fun and unique way to play with that.
Q. What kinds of things can you do in a hypno scene?
A. Again, check out Mind Play for a list of ideas, as well as Lee Allure’s list. Some things I’ve done in the past: altering the intensity or location of sensations (e.g. making someone’s thigh feel like their cock; turning up someone’s sensitivity), altering how sensations are perceived (e.g. turning pain into pleasure), inducing a state of “bondage” (through the suggestion that a particular body part, or the whole body, is stuck or stilled), reducing inhibitions, temporarily changing someone’s personality (e.g. making them behave like a child or be more dominant), and pairing a particular verbal trigger with some kind of reaction (e.g. you feel your arousal doubling every time you hear the words “good girl”).
Q. Where can I find hypno porn/erotica?
A. Try the Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive, the hypnotism tag on Archive of Our Own, and the porn on Entrancement.
Q. How can you ensure consent and safety in a hypno scene?
A. My approach to kink is focused on harm reduction and being risk-aware, meaning that I recognize every sexual activity has its risks and it’s up to each person to be aware of those risks and make decisions for themselves accordingly. So, as with any kink activity, you can’t guarantee that nothing will go wrong in a hypno scene. That said, you can mitigate risk by thoroughly pre-negotiating your scenes, having a safeword in place, and (if you’re the hypnotist) always building safety measures into your suggestions (e.g. “you will experience [x effect] only tonight and only with me”; “if you are uncomfortable at any point, you will automatically float back up into wakefulness”).
Q. Is erotic hypnosis anything like hypnotherapy?
A. Hypnosis is used in lots of different ways by lots of different people. It is indeed sometimes used in a therapeutic context, by trained professionals, to help with problems like addiction or trauma. It should not be used in this way by anyone who lacks thorough training in hypnotherapy. That said, as with many kinks, hypnosis may not be therapy but it can be therapeutic, in the sense that it may have positive emotional and psychological effects for various reasons. My partner and I have occasionally used hypnosis to achieve positive and non-sexual effects, such as temporarily reducing my anxiety or my chronic pain, but any therapeutic use more complex than that (especially anything involving memories or age regression) should only be attempted by professionals. (If you’re looking for one, I would recommend Dr. Liz Powell.)
Q. How do I find someone to try/practice hypnosis with?
A. My partner’s earliest hypnokink experiences happened on websites where you can chat with strangers who share your interests, like Omegle, but they don’t recommend that because you don’t know who you’re playing with or whether they’re ethical kinksters. You can look for local hypnokink meetups on FetLife, or consider attending hypno cons like Beguiled or Charmed. You could also hire a sex worker who specializes in hypnosis.
Hope that helps, y’all!