A surprisingly frequent search term people use to find my website is “how to prepare for a spanking.” At first, I found this confusing – what’s to prepare? Just drop trou and you’re good to go! – but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how inaccurate and unhelpful that perspective is. When I’m nervous about an upcoming activity on my docket, sexual or otherwise, often my first line of defense is to google it – and even if I glean no new information from the results, the research itself calms my nerves. Doing my due diligence has never done me wrong.
Here, then, are some tips from me to you on how to prepare for your next spanking, whether it’s your first foray into impact play or your thousandth…
Make sure you actually want to be spanked. Hey: it’s okay if you don’t. Spanking is sometimes discussed as a foregone conclusion in kink spaces, as if every kinkster is into it, but that isn’t the case! You don’t have to get spanked just because you’re playing with someone who likes doling out impact, or you’re going to a play party where spanking is de rigueur, or you liked being spanked by this play partner on a previous occasion so you feel obligated to like it again. Want it, or skip it!
Communicate with your play partner. Here is an abridged list of questions the two of you should ideally discuss before you play. How long do you want the session to last (if you know)? Are there any time constraints your partner should know about (e.g. do you have to pick up your kids later? get to work tomorrow morning?)? What are your reasons for seeking and enjoying pain (e.g. pain as a punishment, as a reward, as a feat of endurance)? What do your face and body tend to do when you’re enjoying yourself? When you’re not enjoying yourself? What are your safewords and/or safe-signals? Do you have other preferred systems for mid-scene check-ins? Is it okay to leave marks? Where do you want to be hit? How much pain can you generally take? Do you like rhythmic pain, or do you prefer it more erratic? What names can your partner call you during the spanking, if any, and which should they avoid? Do you have any medical conditions your partner should know about? Is sexual touching okay? What other sex or kink activities will be involved in the scene? Hammering out all these details can help you relax into the spanking.
Prep your butt. Like all forms of sexual grooming, this will vary a lot based on personal preference. I feel my best during a spanking if I take the time in advance to shave, exfoliate, and moisturize my ass – though, of course, some spankings are too impromptu to allow for this. Taking a fragrant bath can also help you relax, so you’ll sink into a compliant, submissive headspace more easily. Depending on your dynamic with your play partner, they may enjoy rubbing some massage oil into your skin to help relax you even further.
Wear something you feel cute in. Cute underwear is a vital part of my spanking wardrobe, so to speak. Thigh-high stockings are super sexy and make a great frame for your butt. Wear whatever makes you feel hot and provides ample access to the areas you want your partner to hit – whether that’s a fetishistic backless latex spanking skirt, a pair of tight jeans that can be yanked down to your knees, or nothing but your collar. Certain hairstyles or perfumes may also help put you in a good headspace to enjoy the spanking (e.g. I feel super submissive in braided pigtails).
Get your implements ready. There can be a ritualistic joy to laying out your impact tools of choice for the evening: choosing them carefully and arranging them just so. You may want to take it further by, for example, cleaning your leather paddle with saddle soap and treating it with mink oil until it shines, or carefully untangling the falls of your flogger.
Prepare your space. Lay down a blanket where you plan to kneel, for example. Clean your room. Burn some incense. Pull the drapes. Put on some music. Ponder what décor and other trappings would help put you into the headspace you’re hoping to achieve with the spanking, and put as much of it into action as you can.
After all that is done, you should be able to relax into the spanking itself, and enjoy the pain for all it’s worth!
How do you like to prep for an impact play scene?
This post was graciously sponsored by the good folks at SheVibe, one of the companies helping me get to this year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Check out their selection of impact toys! As always, all writing and opinions in this post are my own.