While I’ve written about squirting here on occasion, it occurred to me recently that I’ve never written an instructional piece on how I actually do it. And as someone who benefited from reading such instructional pieces before I learned to squirt, I thought it only fair that I pay it forward, like some kind of ejaculatory philanthropist.
FAQ
Q. What is squirting?
A. Squirting is sometimes also known as “female ejaculation,” but I don’t tend to use that term anymore because it’s trans-exclusionary. What we’re really talking about here is people with vaginas expelling a sexual fluid from their urethra (as opposed to from the vagina itself, where regular vaginal lubrication comes from), and not all people with vaginas are women so “squirting” is the more inclusive term. However, as with any other sexual language, it all really comes down to what feels hot and affirming to you and your partner(s), so if you want to call it something else, feel free.
Q. Is squirting really just peeing?
A. While I’ve no doubt that sometimes you might think you’re squirting and find that you’ve actually peed (and this has definitely happened to me), some science has shown – and I believe, based both on firsthand experience and on extensive research – that actual squirt is a chemically distinct substance from urine.
One of its defining features is that it contains – among other components – prostate-specific antigen (PSA), an ingredient also found in semen. A much-talked-about study which claimed to “prove” that squirt is urine actually did no such thing; you can read my explanation of why in this blog post (pay particular attention to reasons #6 and #1). Further, even if squirting was pee, in my view it would still be a sexual fluid since it’s emitted during sexual activity, and there’s nothing about pee that makes it any grosser than squirt or semen (especially since both of those fluids contain traces of pee due to where they’re emitted from).
Q. Does squirting feel good?
A. For me, it’s a pleasant release, but nowhere close to the intense pleasure of an orgasm. (On that note: squirting and orgasm don’t necessarily occur simultaneously, and experiencing one during a session does not guarantee you’ll experience the other in the same session.) To the extent that my partners and I enjoy it when I squirt, it’s usually more about the showiness of it and the sense of cathartic release than it is about the heights of pleasure.
Q. Is it still squirting if the liquid sort of gushes or leaks out, instead of spraying a great distance?
A. Yes. Assuming we’re talking about actual squirt (as opposed to just a lot of vaginal lubrication), the force at which it is expulsed will vary from person to person and from session to session, so there might not always be a big theatrical geyser like you’d see in porn. This is fine and doesn’t make you a less accomplished or less sexy squirter.
Q. When/how did you first learn to squirt?
A. I squirted for the first time in the summer of 2015, after trying to learn how for several years. Some resources which helped me were Deborah Sundahl’s book on the subject and my friend Epiphora’s blog posts about squirting, especially this one about her first time squirting. I was using the Njoy Eleven the first time I squirted; there will be more info about technique and toys below.
Q. Can anyone with a vulva squirt?
A. I don’t know for sure; I don’t think anyone really knows, as of yet (not least because vulvovaginal pleasure is a surprisingly understudied topic in science compared to, say, erectile dysfunction or sperm production – gee, wonder why). But if squirting is anything like the other various sexual responses the human body is capable of, then no, probably only some people can do it.
I would imagine that some of the factors involved in determining whether you can squirt are the distance between your vagina and your urethra, the sexual sensitivity of your G-spot, and the fitness and tightness of your pelvic muscles, but who the hell knows.
Q. Is this article a set of universal instructions that can help anyone learn to squirt?
A. Nope, it sure isn’t. This article describes the techniques that work for me when I want to squirt. I hope that they help you learn to squirt if that’s something you want to do, but they might not, and that’s okay too.
Preparation
Lay Down a Towel: One of the biggest hindrances to squirting for the first time is that the lead-up can make you feel like you’re going to piss the bed, and since most of us are literally trained from birth to avoid doing that, our muscles predictably tense up when we feel that feeling, preventing the squirt from flying free. For this reason, plus for general peace of mind and to reduce your laundry costs, I’d recommend laying down a thick towel (possibly folded over a few times, if it’s big enough) underneath yourself before you try to squirt. If you want to get really fancy, you can use a waterproof blanket instead, like the Liberator Throw.
Empty Your Bladder: Naturally, you’ll be less scared of pissing yourself if you know you emptied your bladder before you got started. (Side note: it’s also a good idea to pee after a squirting session, if you’re able to, as this can ward off UTIs. But some scientists think squirting’s evolutionary purpose is to ward off UTIs, so, who knows?)
Chill Out: Because squirting (in my experience) requires you to relax both your muscles and your mind, it’s worth doing some de-stressing before you attempt it. Take a hot bath, perhaps. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Play some relaxing music. Dim the lights. Draw the curtains. You get the picture.
Go Solo: When attempting anything new sexually, I often recommend doing it alone (if it’s a thing that can be done alone) before trying it with a partner. This is especially true when there is a risk of embarrassment or mess, and while there’s nothing intrinsically embarrassing about squirting, many people are horrified at the possibility of accidentally peeing on a partner. Unless you think your partner’s physical strength and/or emotional support would be vital in your squirting quest, I’d suggest keeping this a solo activity until you’re confident you know the mechanics of it and are ready to invite a partner into that experience.
Technique
Take Your Time Getting Turned On: In my experience, I will only squirt if I’m already very turned on and have been for at least 15-20 minutes or so. If I want a masturbation session to end in squirting, I’ll spend a long time warming myself up by watching porn or reading erotica, doing a lot of clitoral stimulation, etc. Likewise, if a partner wants to make me squirt, generally they’ll need to take their time with me. With rare exceptions, squirting is not a quickie-friendly activity for me.
Use Lube: The fast, hard thrusting often required for squirting is much easier to achieve if everything is well-lubed. Sutil Rich is my favorite lube and works with any toy material.
Warm Up the G-Spot: The G-spot, located 2-3 inches inside the vagina on the vaginal wall closest to your belly button, is usually considered the driving force behind squirting. But a lot of people report uncomfortable or painful sensations if they jump to intense G-spot stimulation before properly warming up the area. Start with gentle stimulation – I’d recommend using a finger or two to gently massage the G-spot while you use a vibrator or your other hand on your clit – and gradually increase the pressure and intensity as you get more turned on. If you start to feel discomfort, dial it back and re-focus on things that definitely feel good (usually clitoral stimulation) until your G-spot feels ready for more. Like other genital erectile tissue, the G-spot tends to swell up with arousal, which can be a useful clue that you’re on the right track.
Stimulate Your Clit: I’ve mentioned this several times already and will continue to mention it. Why? Because the clit is the centre of sexual response for most people with vaginas. It’s the anatomical equivalent of the penis, and just as it would be unreasonable to expect the average cis man to reach peak arousal levels with zero dick contact, it’s unreasonable to expect a vulva-possessing person to get highly aroused without clit contact. (It’s not unheard of, certainly – it just shouldn’t be your default expectation, unless you already know that clit stimulation doesn’t do much for you.) I usually stimulate my clit for several minutes before even attempting penetration, either with my hand or with a vibrator, and then continue stimulating it all the way through to orgasm. I’ll recommend some clitoral vibes in the toys section below. (Side note: while most people squirt most readily from G-spot stimulation, as described below, there are some people who report squirting from clit stimulation alone.)
Firm, Fast, Sustained G-Spot Stimulation: This is the key ingredient in squirting for most of the people I’ve talked to about it. Once you’re already super aroused, use upturned fingers or a firm G-spot toy (recommendations in the toys section below) to thrust against your G-spot, applying steady pressure. You might find that you want to thrust faster and harder as time goes on. If you notice a feeling of “escalation” or “building toward” something, lean into that feeling, even though it might be scary or overwhelming at first. Ditto with a feeling of “needing to pee” – remember that you already emptied your bladder and laid down a towel (right?), so you can follow that feeling and see where it leads you instead of worrying about it.
Bear Down: Although you might be used to clenching your pelvic muscles en route to orgasm, it’s often easiest to squirt if you bear down with your muscles, like you’re trying to push out whatever’s inside you. This has the effect of pressing your G-spot more firmly against the toy/fingers/dick you’re using and helping the squirt come out. If it feels unintuitive to do this, just keep practicing and it’ll eventually get easier, especially as you learn to associate that pushing-out feeling with pleasure.
Consider Trying Post-Orgasm: I actually most often squirt after orgasm, when my clit is satiated but my G-spot usually still feels hungry for more. At that point I’ll thrust a dildo (or have a partner do so) super fast and hard against my G-spot until I feel the release of squirting, then take a little break to catch my breath and do it again, repeating as needed until I feel that I’ve “emptied out” my G-spot/urethral sponge. I think the deep relaxation that sets in post-orgasm can be helpful for squirting, and so can the heightened levels of physical arousal/engorgement.
Remember, the Goal is Pleasure: Squirting is cool, but it’s not a big deal if you can’t do it, or haven’t learned yet. Beating yourself up about not being able to squirt (or, worse: a partner criticizing you for not being able to squirt) is pointless, because the point of all of this is to feel good and have fun. If trying to make yourself squirt is lessening your fun and/or pleasure, let go of that imperative if you can, and re-focus on feeling good. You might squirt, or you might not, but either way, it’ll be time well-spent if you were focused on enjoying yourself. And, as with falling in love, you might just squirt for the first time when you’ve released all expectations of doing so.
Toys
G-Spot Dildos:
- The Njoy Pure Wand is widely considered one of the best squirt-inducing toys on the market. It has an intense curve that helps it locate your G-spot easily, is made of ultra-firm stainless steel, and has two differently-sized ends so you can experiment to figure out whether your G-spot prefers broader pressure or more pinpointed sensations. Its shape also makes it relatively easy to use on oneself or to have a partner use on you. Just keep in mind that you may have to test out different motions to find your favorite: if standard in-and-out thrusting feels weird, try rocking it in a C-shape, pressing the ball rhythmically against your G-spot, or massaging the ball in a circular motion against that spot. (Note: do not try to buy a Pure Wand from Amazon, as there’s no guarantee you’ll get an authentic one; most Amazon toys claiming to be the Pure Wand are low-quality counterfeit copies. And certainly do not get the Le Wand knockoff of the Pure Wand, as it’s a plagiarized design that is, incomprehensibly, more expensive than the real thing.)
- The NobEssence Seduction is another toy that can reliably make me squirt. It’s quite firm and deeply curved like the Pure Wand, but is a lot lighter because it’s made of wood, so I find it easier to thrust with. Since it’s handmade in small batches and is therefore often sold out, I’ll note that the Dee Lee Doo Habu is similar, and cheaper.
- The Pipedream Icicles No. 70 has a very similar shape to the NobEssence Seduction, above, but is made of glass and is much less pricey.
- The Lelo Ella has a broad, flat head that might feel better for you if slimmer implements (like fingers or small dildos) have felt too pokey or triggered too much of that “need-to-pee” sensation for you. It’s also gentler than the other toys on this list because it’s made of silicone (albeit pretty firm silicone) and its neck has a bit of flexibility to it.
- If your budget is very limited, try this $26 glass dildo – it has an excellent G-spot curve and is easy to thrust, plus you can use the other end if you’re ever in the mood for less G-spot-focused stimulation. Another great option is the Sinclair Institute Crystal G, which has an even deeper curve and costs just $30.
- If you’re a size queen/king/monarch, you’d probably dig the legendary Njoy Eleven, the first toy that ever made me squirt. Like the Pure Wand, it’s made of super-firm stainless steel, but it gets its squirt-inducing powers moreso from its massive girth than from a curve (though it does have a slight curve to it). Of course, since this dildo is huge and made of metal, it’s pretty heavy and can be hard to thrust, especially if you have hand strength issues like me – but my partner loves to pound me with it, and can reliably make me squirt that way.
- Speaking of hand strength issues, if you lack the ability to thrust a dildo fast/hard/for a sustained amount of time, I’d recommend investing in a Fun Factory Stronic G. This thing is an auto-thrusting device that trembles against the G-spot rhythmically, and it can usually make me squirt even if I’m having such a bad chronic pain flare-up that I can’t physically hold a dildo.
- The Lelo Mona 2 is technically a G-spot vibrator, not a dildo, but its shape is so fantastic for G-spot stimulation that it can make me squirt with or without the vibrations turned on. Some people find that vibrations on their G-spot make squirting easier to achieve; I think this is the best tool for the job if that’s the case for you.
Clitoral Toys:
- If you already have a clit toy you love, there’s no need to buy a different one for the sake of learning to squirt. It’s all about what reliably turns you on and feels good for you. So pair your favorite clit vibe with one of the G-spot toys listed above, or another G-spot toy you enjoy, and give it a shot.
- That being said, my all-time fave clitoral toy is the Eroscillator Top Deluxe. It oscillates instead of vibrating, so it doesn’t cause me as much numbness/desensitization as many other clit toys do, and its oscillations also seem to get deeper into my internal clitoris, which I think helps with squirting.
- The We-Vibe Tango X has powerful, rumbly vibrations, and is small enough to be unobtrusive when paired with a G-spot dildo, so I think it’s a fantastic addition to any squirting sesh.
- For a budget pick, I like the BMS Factory Essential Bullet. It’s a simple bullet vibe with an impressive motor for its $25 price tag.
- Some people prefer the more subtle sensations of pressure-wave stimulation over vibration, especially when trying to focus moreso on G-spot pleasure. In this category, I love the We-Vibe Melt, Womanizer Premium 2, Lora DiCarlo Baci and Lelo Sila.
Fellow squirters, what toys, tips and techniques helped you most in learning to squirt?