What a lovely month in my sex life! My spreadsheet is a-burstin’. Here’s some of what went on in April…
Sex toys
• The Doxy #3 continues to be a fave. I went on yet another New York jaunt this month and appreciated, once again, this li’l wand’s portability and lightness compared to its bigger, bulkier brothers.
• I was lucky enough this month to receive a strap-on blowjob from a beautiful boy. I wore my raspberry-pink Aslan Leather Jaguar harness and my sparkly pink Godemiche Ambit. They made quite a gorgeous image, especially in combination with the mouth of one of my favorite people.
• After only trying The Butters lube on my own bits, it was a fun revelation to try it on someone else’s. It makes for excellent handjobs!
Fantasy fodder
• Lately I’m swoonin’ extra hard about my meta-kink for someone knowing exactly how to turn me on and make me come. (What would you call this, anyway? I have it listed on my FetLife profile as “you knowing exactly what I need” but I’m not 100% happy with that label.) Some recent quotes from my boyfriend that exemplify this perfectly and have been haunting my fantasy-brain: “I always want to get better at knowing the best ways to dom you and fuck you.” “I love being so good at you and learning what makes you tick even more deeply.” “Is that gonna make you come, if I keep fucking you nice and deep like that?” 😍
• Teasing and edging submissive boys is fuuun. I’m nowhere near a dyed-in-the-wool domme, so this isn’t something I’d want to do every day, but when it’s right, it’s sooo right.
Sexcetera
• I just got back from the AltSex conference! Lots of fascinating stuff about kink psychology this year – most interestingly to me, Petra Zebroff and Pega Ren‘s talk on what motivates doms and subs to take on their respective roles, and Samuel Hughes‘ talk on kink identity development. I took lots of notes and will be ponderin’ and implementin’ some of what I learned!
• I was invited back to the Bed Post variety show to play some sexy ukulele tunes, and it was so much fun! Sharing a bill with the delightful Erin Pim and her merry band of sex-positive weirdos is always a joy.
• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote a piece for Cosmopolitan (!!) about the sex therapy concept of “sensate focus” and how it can apply to blowjobs. On our podcast, Bex and I answered common questions people ask sex educators, interviewed Dawn Serra and Mx Nillin, and got delightfully high on 4/20.
Media
• I’m loving Alina Baraz‘s new EP, The Color of You. I’ve profiled her music before (here, here, and here) because she makes some of the sexiest slow-jams in the biz, and that’s still true.
• Did you know that Emily Nagoski, of Come As You Are fame, also writes romance novels under the pseudonym Emily Foster? I devoured both of them this month and they reminded me exactly how clever and thrilling the romance genre can be. Having a super-smart and likeable female protagonist sure helps!
• Clementine Morrigan’s new zine “I Want You to Fuck Me” is a straightforward, plain-language statement of their sexual desires, boundaries, needs, and best practices. It’s only 10 pages long but it got me thinking about what my own wants and needs are and how I can optimally assert them when necessary. (If you’re interested in this kind of thing, you also need Bex’s Yes/No/Maybe list in your life!)
Femme stuff
• My boyfriend got me a birthday gift unlike anything I’ve ever received before: he commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me a custom fragrance. SWOON! It’s called Aimanté and it’s feminine and sexy and complex. Should I write a whole blog post sometime about the process, my thoughts on the scent, etc.? Let me know in the comments…
• Shout-out to MeUndies for making the comfiest lounge pants I’ve ever owned. I have a pair in red and black plaid and a pair in plain black, and they are majorly important to my free-‘n’-easy freelancer/lackadaisical layabout wardrobe.
• GlamGlow makes a tinted lip balm called PoutMud which was on sale at Sephora when I placed an order there this month, so of course, I snapped one up in red. It’s got a slight minty tingle and a beautiful tint, so I’ve been wearing it a lot.
Little things
My darlin’ sending me flowers because I was depressed (and making a subtle Sweeney Todd reference in the attached note; what a nerd). Seeing Anais sing opera in a “Fluevog shoebox” of a concert hall (and Henry shouting, “Iconic!”). Collecting romantic memorabilia in the back pocket of my Moleskine. Improvisors making a tweet of mine into a hilarious scene (and then apologizing to me for it afterward). Pink and blue Blackwing pencils. Cam shows with respectful clients. Nerding out over vocabulary with my love. Beautiful cocktails at so many luxe places: Northwood, Mulberry, Maysville, Eleven Madison Park, and more. How lovely you tend to look in photos taken by someone who loves you. “I am generally known, where I am known, as one cool, collected queen.” Fancy chocolate. Useful attitude adjustments and meta-communication tricks that make relationships more harmonious. Bow-shaped gingerbread cookies in a heart-eyes emoji mug from Bex. Seeing my little brother open for Kate Nash at the Mod Club. Following along with Caitlin‘s updates from her training with Betty Martin (creator of the Wheel of Consent). Sir requesting a guitar in our hotel room so I could serenade him. The portmanteau “meetamour” (and the meetamour itself). Repairing the damage done by nonconsensual touch with consensual touch.