12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

It was a good year for sex toys! I acquired over 65 new toys this year. (Yeesh. Being a sex toy reviewer is weird and great.)

You would think it might be hard to pick my top 9 favorites from that massive number, but actually, I’m a total snob. It’s rare that I acquire a new toy and love it enough to keep using it after I’ve reviewed it. Here, then, are the 9 best new treats I got this year, and where you can get ’em if you think you’d also like ’em…

9. Kronic Sensations wooden bat. I picked this up impulsively one day at local Toronto sex shop Kink T.O., and it was such a good purchase. These bats are incredibly thuddy, like getting hit with an actual mini baseball bat – so if you like your impact sensations deep and penetrating, rather than surfacey and stingy, you’d be into these. (Available at Kink.)

8. Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints. These are so basic, so useful, so necessary that it’s odd to think they haven’t been attached to my bed for my entire adult life. But no: I only acquired them earlier this year. They’re the easiest way to seamlessly incorporate bondage into your sex life. When I’m having a lot of kinky sex (i.e. not lately), I use these all the damn time. A++, 10/10, would recommend. (Available at SheVibe, Ignite, Peepshow, the Smitten Kitten, and Early to Bed.)

7. Zumio. I’m rarely in the mood for this thing, but when I am, woof, I need it. It’s one of the best tools available for intense, pinpointed clitoral stimulation. Its mega-intensity also makes it useful for kinky forced-orgasm scenes: if you’re holding a Zumio to my clit, you’ve got my goddamn attention, I’ll tell ya that much. (Available at SheVibe, Ignite, Peepshow, the Smitten Kitten, and Early to Bed.)

6. We-Vibe Gala. I just got this recently and am already loving it. (Full review to come in 2018!) Its two-eared shape makes it ideal for people like me who abhor direct clitoral stimulation and prefer having their clit touched through the clitoral hood or inner labia. The motor is also excellent, as is standard for We-Vibe toys. (Available at Come As You Are, SheVibe, Ignite, Peepshow, and the Smitten Kitten.)

5. ScreamingO Charged Vooom. I reviewed this along with a cadre of other cheap vibes and the Vooom was the only one I loved and continued to love. This zippy little raspberry-pink bullet vibe performs remarkably well for its price point, and makes a capable understudy for my beloved Tango when needed. (Available at Come As You Are, SheVibe, and Peepshow)

4. Weal & Breech purpleheart paddle. This beaut unseated my previous favorite impact toy from its throne this year. Fancy, handmade, and one-of-a-kind, it makes me feel like a kinky queen. The perfectly balanced weight and ergonomic handle make it clear this paddle was created by kinksters. I’ll never forget when, midway through our first spanking session with this toy, my then-boyfriend moaned low in his throat, “I reeeally like this paddle,” to which I moaned back, “SO DO I.” (Similar product available at Come As You Are.)

3. We-Vibe Nova. I technically got this last year, when Bex gifted me one, but didn’t give it a proper shot until early 2017. The Nova is, hands-down, my favorite dual-stimulation vibe I’ve ever tried. As is par for the course with We-Vibe, it’s thoughtfully designed, high-quality, and pleasantly rumbly. When I’m craving deep vibration on my G-spot and clit simultaneously, I know the Nova is the best tool for the job. (Available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Ignite, and Early to Bed.)

2. Doxy Die Cast. Definitely the prettiest wand vibe in my collection! I still reach for my Magic Wand more often, because it’s lighter and the lower speeds are rumblier, but the Die Cast has definitely snuck into my starting lineup this year. It’s wonderfully luxurious and always powerful enough to get me off. And that glitter finish! Swoon! (Available at Come As You Are, SheVibe, and Peepshow.)

1. Standard Glass S-Curve. A gift from Bex, this is indubitably the best toy I received all year. Quite possibly my favorite dildo ever, now that I think about it. Yes, the S-Curve has usurped my beloved Double Trouble as my vagina’s favorite thing, simply because it’s slimmer and more targeted and doesn’t require warm-up like the DT does for me. The S-Curve finds my A-spot with such ease and speed that it’s pretty much the closest thing I have to a “press here for orgasm” device. I’ve also heard reports from partners that it’s a simple and intuitive toy to fuck someone with. Win-win! (Available at the Smitten Kitten.)

What were your favorite toys of the year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 10 Perfect Sex Songs

Kate Sloan

Here are 10 songs that gave me sexxxy feelings in 2017… What were your faves this year? (Pro tip: you can listen to all 10 of these, plus all the songs I’ve profiled in previous years of 12 Days of Girly Juice, in my Spotify playlist!)

Shady Elders – The Night Air

I made a note way back in February to include this song in this list; I’ve loved it for that long. It’s a sultry, spacey unfolding of sound. I especially love jerking off to it when I’m stoned off my ass. Marijuana makes the slick beats and smooth vocals coalesce so it feels like someone is playing my vulva like a jazzy old Fender. I can’t listen to this without wanting to roll my hips, close my eyes, and sink into sin.

Betti – Ordinary

In the tradition of Amy Winehouse and Adele, Betti’s hearkening back to the ’60s with this mellow and melodramatic love song. And like many mid-century hits, this one describes a relationship that borders on toxic and abusive, but is painted as quixotically romantic. “We argue til midnight, and make love til daylight,” Betti sings; “Fold your clothes out the dryer; one wrong move, and I’ll light them on fire.” I’ve never been in a relationship this mercurial, and I’d like to keep it that way.

Sometimes I like to imagine this song is about a consensual D/s relationship – or a relationship between two kinksters so closeted, they don’t even realize the capricious game they’re playing is a function of their kinks. It makes me feel a little less conflicted about lyrics like, “We break up just so we can make up… We’re so perfectly fucked up, one step short of crazy.”

Hippo Campus – Boyish (Acoustic)

There’s no way I could omit Hippo Campus from this list. Their music isn’t “sexy,” per se, but it’s most of what I’ve listened to all year. This jazzy acoustic rendition of “Boyish” is the closest thing they have to an anthem of lust – and in classic Hippo Campus fashion, it’s difficult to entirely parse what the song is trying to express. But it sounds sexy, anyway.

There are lyrical elements that remind me of various kink scenarios: “Daddy’s coming home but mama’s looking guilty,” for example, or “Wolf-child’s heavy with the weight of the world, storing all his love in an adolescent girl.” Then there are lines that allude to the tropes of toxic masculinity, like, “I never really knew if I did something wrong; all I ever heard was it wasn’t my fault.” I can never quite decide if I think this song is about a complicated, conflicted man, or a literal werewolf, or the latter as a metaphor for the former. In any case, this version is beautiful. (And I have a hell of a crush on Hippo Campus’ graceful, goofy guitarist, Nathan Stocker. Hnnng.)

Sleeping At Last – Venus

This is a song about finally finding a planet you’ve been sleuthing out in your telescope for ages, but it seems intentionally written like a love song. It’s a metaphor for that moment when you spot someone from across a room and instantly realize they’re going to matter to you. “After a while, I thought I’d never find you; I convinced myself that I would never find you… and suddenly I saw you,” Sleeping At Last mastermind Ryan O’Neal murmurs romantically as the first verse resolves. I’ve listened to this song dozens of times and it gives me chills every. fucking. time because I know that feeling so damn well.

“Venus” reminds me, too, of the electric exploration of a new partner’s body the first time you get them naked: the constellations of freckles and hairs, the sparks of sensation when you discover an erogenous zone, the effervescent present moment that extinguishes all external distractions. You are entirely focused on this beautiful person’s beautiful body – like you’ve got a telescope trained on them and nothing else fucking matters.

Oliver Nelson – Stolen Moments

This track was the theme song for a late-night show I used to listen to on a local jazz radio station when I was in high school. When insomnia loomed over me, and I felt too scared or sad to lie in the dark by my lonesome, I would turn the radio on – and there would always be someone at the station, growling in a rough baritone between meticulously-chosen jazz tracks. This was one of my faves, and still is.

Fucking to jazz feels inherently classy, like you’re doing it under a streetlight’s smoky beams in a gritty 1970s movie. Jazz is also a safer choice than some others on this list (see: Nick Jonas) if you’re wary of sexual partners judging you for your taste. I can’t imagine anyone complaining if you wanted to fuck to this sultry, stunning tune – and if they did, surely you wouldn’t want to fuck them anyway.

DVSN – Sept. 5th

I had a boyfriend this year who told me he wished every band sounded like DVSN. He used to blast their music while we had sex (along with Alina Baraz; see below) so I deeply associate their pulsating R&B jams with deliciously slow-paced kink trysts in a basement apartment that smelled of sandalwood and marijuana.

“I could make it better, if I could have sex with you,” the singer of this track warbles in the chorus. This notion resonates with me. Sometimes sex is like medicine. But medicine that goes down smooth.

Paul Cook & the Chronicles – Ships Pass

Has there ever been a sadder song about one-night stands? I’m no expert, but I don’t think so. This one hits the nail on the head, perfectly capturing that empty feeling that follows an ill-advised hookup with a stranger when what you really want is something more substantial. “It’s cold outside your window, but warm between your thighs,” Paul Cook croons. “We both know what’s happening, but we leave it aside.”

I spent a lot of time this year contemplating what kinds of sex I want to have, and why. I’ve come to the conclusion, again and again, that one-off hookups are not my heart’s desire or my genitals’ jam. For me, they’re like throwing back a few McDonald’s fries when you’re aching for a steak and a heap of roasted veggies. But sometimes you’re starving and there is nothing else available, and that is both dissatisfying and sad. “I will find someone who stays with me all night… Yeah, I will find somebody just right,” Cook promises himself, but it rings hollow. You never know how long it’ll be until the next special person crests over the horizon of your life.

Nick Jonas – Teacher

This year I went to a Body Pride workshop, at the end of which we were encouraged to choose a song that made us feel sexy and dance around doing a naked photoshoot. This is the song I picked. It’s impossibly slick and sexy, overflowing with funk, like a modern-day “Short Skirt, Long Jacket.” If you listen to this while you walk down the street, you will end up strutting like a supermodel. There’s no way around it.

As you might infer from the title of the song, “Teacher” also pings a lot of my subby kinks. With lyrics like “It’s like your mama never taught you how to love – so let me teach you” and “This game we’re playing makes me wanna break the rules,” my boy Nick fuels the fire of my staunch belief that he’s a big ol’ kinkster. You can pry my Daddy Dom Nick Jonas headcanons from my cold, dead, submissive-babygirl hands.

Dirty Projects – Little Bubble

This song does things to my vagina. I don’t know what else to tell ya.

Alina Baraz – Buzzin’

I’ve put a song of Alina’s on this list every year this list has existed. What can I say: girl knows how to make a sexy track. I don’t have much to say about this one except that I can’t listen to it without wanting to make out with someone, grind against a cute person’s thigh while they press against me, and/or party down on a great vibe. Alina nailed it again.

What sexy music did you love this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 11 Favorite Blog Posts

Kate Sloan

I’ve written over 130 posts on this here blog in 2017, which is… a lot. As I say to myself every time I look at my bulging folder of post drafts: “I need to chill the fuck out, man.”

That said, drilling down to choose my 11 favorite posts of the year wasn’t especially hard. These are the posts I loved working on the most, the ones that got the biggest and best reactions from my lovely readers (dat’s you!), the ones that left me feeling proudest of my craft. I hope you liked ’em too.

Just a few days into the year, I wrote “You’re Vanilla, I’m Not, But I Love You.” It poured out of me in a frantic rush. I remember one minute I was lying in bed, staring into space and pondering my current romantic predicament, and the next, I was leaping across the room to grab my notebook and scribble some notes. “Loving a vanilla person when you’re kinky,” I scrawled, and made a two-page long list of vignettes, situations, longings, fantasies, and regrets which later coalesced into a polished blog post.

Getting over a passionate love – whether that love is requited or, as in this case, decidedly not – requires action. Sometimes you have to give yourself closure, if your beloved won’t give it to you. Part of my self-closure process in recovering from this particular unrequited love was writing about it – a lot. Making sense of what happened, arranging it into a logical narrative, helped me understand why and how I had fallen so hard, and what it ultimately meant for me. Parsing out the kink piece of this puzzle in “You’re Vanilla, I’m Not” helped me with that recovery. When it was done, I breathed a sigh of sad-but-hopeful relief.

In February, I wrote about “5 Bruises I Loved and Lost.” My kinky identity is still new enough to me that I’m habitually learning new things about what makes me tick. One such piece of information I solidified for myself this year is that I love receiving bruises, bite marks, scratches, hickeys, and other visible signs of consensual affection. They remind me that I am wanted, and make me feel owned – which, for a pervy little submissive like me, is a very good feeling indeed.

In this piece, I also explored how my masochism can bleed into self-harm when depression turns my self-destructive impulse up to eleven. It’s not pretty, but it’s worth discussing. I’m still picking apart all the ways in which my kinks interact with my mental health, and writing helps me figure that stuff out.

A lot of my favorite posts I wrote this year were sponsored (yayyy, bloggers gettin’ paid for quality work!) but I think my fave sponsored post of 2017 was “Pain, Punishment, & Pretty Girls at the Ritual Chamber.” I got invited to write about a local dungeon space and brought along my pals Suz and Taylor to do a fun-as-fuck photoshoot amongst all the kinky equipment.

Beyond just making for a flashy blog post, this assignment also presented an opportunity for collaboration, something I’d like to do a lot more of in 2018. It’s so gratifying to have reached a point with this blog that I can sometimes afford to pay photographers and other collaborators, because I get to spread my good fortune around while also making rad content with talented people. Yay!

For 4/20, I penned “Submissive ‘n’ Stoned: Reflections on Weed & Kink.” I didn’t realize until I started drafting this post just how much overlap there is between those two things in my life, and I want to explore this intersection more! This post is an erotic journey through smoky basement apartments, orgasmic precipices, and unrequited love in no-smoking hotel rooms. It’s indubitably one of the sexiest things I wrote all year, but it’s also weird, which is exactly the kind of thing I love to write.

I spent a lot of time pondering and processing the notion of “daddy doms” this year, as it was the first time in over two years of DD/lg fantasizin’ that I actually had a relationship built on this dynamic. A blog post called “Are You My Daddy?” (its title a nod to the children’s book of a similar name) explored my past attempts at DD/lg dynamics and the reasons my then-partner was better-suited to that relationship style with me than my previous partners had been.

It makes me sad to re-read this piece now that that relationship has long imploded, but it’s also encouraging, because it means I’m that much closer to knowing what I want. And the more clearly you know what you want, the likelier you are to get it.

I encountered a lot of bisexual erasure this year – including people accusing me of erasing bisexuals by not using the word “bisexual” every goddamn time I mentioned a romantic or sexual dalliance. (Suffice it to say, I disagree with this perspective.) In response, I wrote “FYI: Still Bi,” a poem about biphobia and bi pride. It was fun to couch such rage in a jovial, Dr. Seuss-esque cadence. More poetry in 2018, please!

It’s always satisfying when I finally write about an idea I’ve been contemplating for a long time. “Sadsturbation: Hobby of the Heartbroken & Horny” was one such piece. I have long been someone who cries during sex, seeks orgasms for depression relief, and struggles to repopulate my fantasy life after a heartbreak. Sexuality is a great source of joy in my life, but my sadness and my sexuality are deeply linked, too.

I vividly remember a time in July when a heavy workload led to a heavy heart, and my then-boyfriend asked me, “What do you need?” The answer, honestly, was orgasms. So he gave me two of them, sweetly and domineeringly, in my cozy bed. Afterward, as the clouds cleared from my mind, he asked me, “Do you feel better?” and holy wow, did I ever.

I love writing how-to content that’s helpful not only to my readers but also to me. One such post was “How Meta-Communication Can Make You a Great Flirt (Even If You’re Shy).” It’s full of tips for earnest flirting using the subtle arts of self-awareness, self-reference, and self-disclosure. I still refer back to this post on occasion when I’m at a loss for how to flirt with someone new!

Sex toy reviews rarely make it onto this list, because frankly, I don’t consider them my best writing. I’d rather delve deeply into an emotional snafu or a philosophical argument than try to wax poetic over the specs of a toy. But this year I reviewed the Stockroom Cocksucker’s Mirror and it instantly became one of my favorite reviews I’ve ever written. What intrigued me about this toy was how it forced me to confront some deeply-rooted sexual anxieties, and that’s mostly what the review is about. It’s amazing how kink can be not only a fun sexual adventure but also a startling mirror into your psyche – in this case, literally.

I’d like to write more reviews like this in 2018: reviews that detail my personal experience with a product, from an emotional and psychological perspective just as much as a physical one. There are only so many vibrator reviews you can write (or read) before they become deathly boring. I wanna punch ’em up a bit.

My favorite blog posts of other people’s are typically the ones that blend white-hot sexiness with authentic emotion (Girl on the Net does this particularly well). I tried to do that with “5 Times Kink Helped Me Love My Body,” a meditation on insecurities, confidence, and BDSM. As it turns out, this post is a pretty spot-on microcosm of the kind of year I had sexually: one of kink and burgeoning confidence. (That’s a very good thing.)

Possibly my favorite blog post of the year was “Devastated & Divine: A Week in Post-Breakup Fashion.” I got the idea while out with my friend Suz the night after a breakup that totally wrecked me. As the two of us stood in an alley behind a liquor store, smoking weed (one of the few things that eased my bone-deep emotional pain at that time), Suz snapped some photos of me. She sent me the finished products and I mused, “These look like street fashion shots.” And then – lightbulb! aha! – an idea was born. I wrote a satirical fashion editorial about the “outfits” I wore in the week following my breakup, which ranged from “real clothes like an actual functional human would wear” to “the comfiest possible loungewear for a multi-hour cry-a-thon.”

I worked on this piece a little each day in the week following that breakup, writing only a few paragraphs every day but never skipping it, because it became an important ritual to me then. One thing that’s always been true for me is that creativity eases my pain. Writing something evocative, whether it’s a blog post or a song, reminds me of my talents and my accomplishments at times when those things are easy to forget. It would take me months after that breakup to really rediscover the sensation of happiness, but working on that blog post lifted my spirits just enough that I could get through the week. And then the week after that. And the week after that.

One dorkily earnest note before I close out this post: Thank you so much for reading my work this year. It is a daily blessing to have people out there giving a shit about the things I write. You make my life a thousand times brighter and more meaningful just by being here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. If you liked what you read here this year, I hope to write more things that give you comfort and solace in 2018 and beyond. 💜

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

December is here, and therefore, so is 12 Days of Girly Juice, my year-end wrap-up series! In the next month, I’ll summarize my whole year in selfies, sex toys, sexual encounters, tweets, and more. But today, we begin with a subject that’s dear to my heart: beauty and fashion! Here are my top 12 must-have femme items of 2017…

Giorgio Armani Rouge d’Armani lipstick in “Lucky Red”

Last November, I went to Rome with my mom, and it was momentous. All day every day, we walked around that ancient city soaking up world-famous sights. It was almost too much beauty and history to handle, and made me feel like I was buzzing right out of my body with deep glee and meaning.

One day, we visited the Spanish Steps. Sitting on those stairs surrounded by other tourists, I felt called to buy something that would remind me of this place. I didn’t want gimmicky miniatures or boring old postcards, so I did what any consumerist femme would do: I walked into Sephora. (Yes, there is a Sephora opposite the Spanish Steps. Yes, it is a strange, anachronistic place. It’s like femme purgatory: surreal and always bustling and highly unlikely.)

I wanted a lipstick, since that’s the cosmetic item I use most often and also the one I associate most with glamour. I figured it would make me happy in subsequent months to be able to think of said lipstick as a souvenir from glorious Rome, and to tell people that when they asked about it. Suitably, the one I went with was by Italian brand Giorgio Armani. It’s a cool-toned, bright red that makes me feel like a 1950s movie star or a high-gloss spy. It goes on satiny and dries to a slightly more matte crimson that stays put better than almost any other lipstick in my arsenal (which it damn well better, for $43). It’s my favorite red lipstick I’ve ever owned, and I have owned a lot. And that mystique only has a little to do with where I bought it.

Coach turnlock tote in turquoise crossgrain leather

I bought this on sale for half-price last holiday season, and it has served me well all year long. Not only is it the most aggressively, delightfully vivid shade of turquoise I’ve ever seen, it’s also roomy enough for almost all my various adventures. I’ve taken it as an overnight bag to sex-dates at beaux’ houses, as my carry-on when shuttling back and forth between Toronto and New York, and as a gig bag when en route to photoshoots or porn-y events that required wardrobe changes. It has lots of pockets, which I tend to stuff with extra tissues, mints, love notes, bobby pins, lipsticks, vibrators, business cards, supplements, and lube samples. It’s my dream bag and I adore it.

Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces

I have three of these now: one small purple/green/turquoise one, one larger one emblazoned with Queen Alice, and (my favorite) one giant pink sparkly one that attracts stares and compliments wherever I go. I bought the Alice necklace direct from the company during a sale, and snapped up the other two on eBay, since they seem to have been discontinued. They make me happy every damn time I wear them.

My heart necklaces function like day collars for me: they sit heavily around my neck, grounding me, reminding me of how good I am, keeping me on task. In times of emotional turmoil, they also feel like shields for my heart, deflecting negative energy and keeping me safe. I hope to collect a couple more – maybe a blue one and a black one – because we all need more sparkly hearts in our lives!

Perfume

It’s hard to pick a specific perfume here, because I’ve loved so many this year! Under the influence of The Dry Down, a mega-poetic newsletter about the philosophical and emotional side of perfume, I started buying perfume samples galore to try out. This is much cheaper than committing to full bottles of particular scents, and also makes more sense with the mercurial way I tend to fall in love with a perfume for a while, then move on to a different one.

Some of my 2017 fragrance faves: John Varvatos, a spicy, masc-leaning gourmand. Leatherstock, which smells like straight-up leather and which I like to combine with other scents for an extra kinky dimension. Tom of Finland, which is like pressing your nose against the pheromone-laden skin of someone attractive and comforting. Memoirs of a Trespasser, the scent of a rugged, babely adventurer come back home to roost. Carnal Flower, which smells like (per Helena Fitzgerald) “monied femininity.” Good Girl, a somewhat heavy, almost overbearingly feminine scent that reminds me of slutty honey. And most recently, Noel au Balcon, a hyper-festive wintertime scent that reminds me of cloves, oranges, honey, and the champagne-fizzy excitement of a tipsy conversation with an interesting stranger at a holiday party.

H&M skater dresses

H&M did a wonderful thing this year: they made what is basically the perfect dress, as far as I’m concerned, and released it in 15+ different colors and prints. Best of all, they priced each dress at $15.

I own said dress in 10+ different colorways now, and they get more wear than practically anything else in my closet. They’re just exactly what I want from a dress: comfortable, flattering, versatile. This year I wore them on dates, to shows, in photoshoots. I danced in them, kissed in them, partied in them, even occasionally fucked in them. They are perfection and I’m so glad I stocked up.

Yo Sox

Last month, I settled in for a phone sex session with a handsome gentleman, and he asked me – as phone sex suitors are wont to do – what I was wearing. I’d promised to wear something nice for him, something that made me feel sexy, even if he wouldn’t actually be seeing it. “I’m wearing a T-shirt, some panties, and a pair of kneesocks,” I told him, truthfully. He made a sound that was half-gasp, half-growl. I smiled.

My enduring love for knee-high and thigh-high socks comes partly from the predictable reaction they get out of many men, and partly from how they make me feel in my kinky little heart. When I’m putting together an ensemble designed to make me feel like a babygirl, girly socks are a vital part of the look. This year I discovered Yo Sox, a company that sells whimsical socks both online and in their brick-and-mortar store on Toronto’s Queen Street West, and I swiftly fell in love. It’s hard to feel sad when there are unicorns or whales prancing across your feet!

Tiny black shorts

Another H&M acquisition, I bought these minuscule shorts for $15 on an impulsive shopping trip in April. They ended up being a go-to for me all summer, garnering tons of compliments and making me feel cute in a way I rarely feel when my chubby bod is being shown off so flagrantly. They work well with crop tops, bralettes, and even over tights for a more cool-weather-appropriate outfit. I even wore them a lot while mired in post-breakup depression, because they felt effortless and accommodating.

BH Cosmetics Smokey Eyes palette

I didn’t do full-on fancy faces as often this year as I have in previous years, because frankly, most of the time I just couldn’t be bothered. But I did buy this eyeshadow palette on the recommendation of a femme friend, and it has served me well for many dress-up occasions this year.

The deep blues and purples flatter my hazel eyes. The silvers and greys allow for striking smoky looks. The pinks fulfill my deepest femme desires. In summation: this palette rules.

BH Cosmetics spooley brush

Another great find from this cosmetics company: the best eyebrow brush I’ve ever used. I’ve written before about Anastasia Dipbrow, my go-to brow product, but I’ve neglected to mention the importance of the brush you use to apply it: Dipbrow is finicky as hell and you gotta have your tools on point. This one has a spooley (i.e. eyebrow comb) on one side and an angled application brush on the other, so I can flip back and forth quickly between shaping my brows and filling them in. I use this every day and it has made my makeup routine both more efficient and more joyful!

Danier vintage leather jacket

Leather was important to my aesthetic this year. In fact, I’m possibly developing a bit of a leather kink (she wrote, having recently fallen asleep cuddling a leather impact toy to her nose so she could smell it all night long). One of my most beloved leather possessions is a jacket I inherited from an older cousin years ago. It’s simple, sexy, and classic. And it makes me feel like a total badass.

Many times, I’ve considered upgrading to a more classic motorcycle style, but having tried on many such jackets, I think they’re boxier and more boyish than I can comfortably pull off. The blazer-esque fit of this one seems to match my aesthetic better and I like it. Although, I must say, if I ever encounter a hot pink leather biker jacket, I might have to buy it on the spot…

Lacy bralettes

There is something about cute bralettes that makes me feel adorable and put-together even if I am essentially wearing underwear in public. My favorite ones are by Aerie, as they strike a balance between aesthetics and comfort that one rarely encounters in the realm of lingerie. Most of the ones I currently own are either turquoise or pink (how predictable) so I’d like to expand my bralette color palette in the coming months. Maybe I need one in red, yellow, or black…

Animal Hair internal clitoris necklace

I bought this necklace to advertise my sex-nerdiness and it certainly does the trick. Everywhere I go, people either say, “What is that?” or “Oh my god, it’s the internal clit!” I enjoy the way its hot pink shade sets off pink lipstick and pops against all-black ensembles. Animal Hair makes a light blue one too, so I think I’m gonna expand my clit collection in the new year!

What were your favorite fashion and beauty items of 2017?

Monthly Faves: Velvet, Sugar, & Sprinkles

Kate Sloan

It’s been a weird month for me sexually. I’m juggling a bunch of different romantic/sexual connections right now and feeling a little overwhelmed (#PolyLyfe, amirite?). Here were some of my fave sexy things this month…

Sex toys

• Remember how Fucking Sculptures shut down recently? (Imagine the saddest of sad trombone sound effects here.) As soon as that announcement was made, I placed an order for one last toy from them, and it finally arrived this month: a large green Corkscrew. Honestly, I mostly just ordered it for the brand cachet and how beautiful I knew it would be, but it turns out it’s also highly functional too. Intense G-spot stimulation ahoy!

• We-Vibe sent me their new Gala clitoral vibrator and, as per usual for We-Vibe, it’s lovely. Definitely different from any other clit vibe I’ve tried, even Jimmyjane’s visually similar Form 2 and Intro 2. I will have waaay more thoughts in my full review, coming sometime in early 2018!

• I have rediscovered my Eroscillator this month. This happens periodically. I had forgotten how easy and profound my orgasms are with this toy!

Fantasy fodder

• Dominating my kinky thoughts this month are the notions of sugar daddies, financial domination/submission, and cash fetishism. That’s partly because I tentatively have a sugar daddy now (!!) and partly because I recently listened to a fantastic episode of Why Are People Into That? about findom and cash kink. Soooo much to unpack here with regards to power, class, privilege, “worthiness,” and desire. Hmm!

• Whenever I get into a new kink, I tend to search for Sherlock fanfic about it (surprise, surprise), which led to me discovering this “Sugar Daddy John Watson” story featuring copious gay sex in between hunger-stirring descriptions of magnificent Italian food. I will have to do more research along these lines…

• This month I had actual goddamn phone sex for the first time in, I dunno, probably 8 years or more. It’s an interesting medium for me as someone who totally gets off on words but also has anxiety about not being a good dirty-talker myself. It is nice when someone appreciates my moans/purrs/giggles, though!

Sexcetera

• Orgasm stats: I only had 20 this month. I don’t know why. That’s shockingly low for me. Something to work on! (I did, however, hit 300 orgasms total for the year this month – all over my FWB’s cock, on the top floor of a sex club. A++ experience.)

• Now that November’s done, my yearly wrap-up series 12 Days of Girly Juice is about to start! So it’ll be all best-of lists all the time until the year is done, after which we’ll get back to our regular programming here. I’m excited to tell you about all my faves from 2017!

Femme stuff

• I’m really into velvet lately. And, like, always. I remember going shopping with my best friend Bex in September and shrieking “I LOVE VELVET SO MUUUCH!!” and them looking at me incredulously and saying, “I don’t think I knew that about you.” Well, I do. I think it’s mostly a sensual thing; my feelings about velvet are almost sexual (but then again, us pervy kinksters are always rounding things up to kinks when they aren’t necessarily). This month I bought a red velvet dress at H&M and I’m gonna thrash it once holiday parties start happening.

• I bought a pink heart collar on eBay for literally 99 cents, and it’s kind of perfect. Can I get one in every color so I can always be wearing one, please?

• Though I don’t wear jeans very often, because #FemmeLyfe, my favorite old pair is shredded to death so I bought a new pair this month. They make me feel very put-together and wholesome and grown-up. Hurrah!

Little things

Compliments so good I have to copy them into my journal to re-read over the coming days and weeks. Buying tickets for Max and I to go see his fave comedian, Sebastian Maniscalco, in March! Cuddling my roommate’s dog when I’m sad. Nerding out over my income spreadsheet. Singing “Crazy” for a rowdy karaoke crowd. Talking blog strategy with Suz over Indian food and cocktails. Deleting all my notifications except ones from PayPal ($$!). My super-sweet dermatologist. Respectful cam show clients. Hearkening back to phone calls in a text-centric world. Cheesy pasta delivered to my door. Rachel Hills’ The Sex Myth. This adorable song which came up on my Spotify Discover playlist this month (“I think you’re cute…!”). Cadence serving me roast veggies and chicken with boozy cream soda while we watched stand-up. A handsome older gentleman calling me “young lady” and “kiddo.” Vanilla donuts with sprinkles (and pumpkin pie donuts!). Long kink negotiations that devolve into hysterical laughter.