“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 12 of 12

Kate Sloan

Song 49/52: “Give Up the Ghost”

Lyrics:

I’m not saying I’ll never cry over you again
Not promising all of the love will be gone
I’m not saying we can go back to just being friends
I’m just saying I’ve gotta try to move on

‘Cause I’m over this
All this wistfully missing your kisses
I wish that I knew what’s coming next

Chorus:
But I gotta give up the ghost
Gotta set off on a brand new adventure without
The one who I love the most
No, I’m not crying; don’t know what you’re talking about
We were young, we were close
Don’t know much, but I know
It’s time that I give up the ghost

The lessons I learned from you will serve me well, I can tell
I’m sorry that I had to practice on you
It won’t be too long til I miss being under your spell
I’ll set you aside and I’ll power on through

‘Cause it’s been too long
Don’t want less than the best; I’m a mess and
I guess that I know what’s coming next

(repeat chorus)

This isn’t what I wanted
It’s like my heart is haunted
Whenever I feel cold, I know
That you’re the one who chills me so

You weren’t what I needed
By leaving, I’ve succeeded
Though it hurts in the moment, I’m glad that I’m goin’
And you should be too, now that we’re through

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

This one is silly: I was playing the latest Pokémon game, and the ghost-type gym leader has a line of dialogue after you win the battle where she says, “Givin’ up the ghost’s not really my style. I’ll let you have this one, though, baby.” It immediately made me think about a time when I was 23 or 24 and hopelessly in love with a friend who didn’t love me back in the same way, and one day I just got so sick and tired of the pining and crying and wishing and mourning that I wrote “GIVE UP THE GHOST” in big letters in my journal and decided it was time to make a concerted effort to move on.

Funnily enough, the expression “give up the ghost” actually does not mean what I thought it meant at the time, to give up on a hopeless pipe dream you’d been chasing. It actually means to die, expire, or stop functioning. But in a way, that’s apt too; it was my crush itself that had to eventually give up the ghost in order for me to move on with my life.

Anyway, when I saw that line in the Pokémon game, I thought the phrase seemed like a great potential song title, so I made a note of it and later returned to it, writing an entire set of lyrics in one go. Putting it to music the following day was fairly intuitive, as I’d been hearing a melody in my head while I wrote the words. I just basically improvised myself singing the lyrics over a simple chord progression and much of it remained as is.

Song 50/52: “Dirty Martini”

Lyrics:

Here’s to the dirty martini
It’s briny and boozy and cold
I really do think that whenever I drink
I forget that I’m gonna get old

Here’s to the dirty martini
Isn’t it gorgeous and grand?
Oh, I could never be gloomy
With a martini in my hand

Chorus:
An ounce of vermouth
Two ounces of gin
Half an ounce of olive brine
And throw some ice cubes in

Then stir up your dirty martini
And strain it and sip it and smile
Forget your most troubling troubles for a while

Here’s to the dirty martini
Available at every bar
They make me feel cool and I act like a fool
And I sometimes go slightly too far

Don’t offer me peachy bellinis
Too sweet and too tart and too cute
I’m dirty just like my martinis
And salty and cold and aloof

(repeat chorus)

Then stir up your dirty martini
To ward off your worries and fears
Isn’t it nice to be drinking
A cocktail as salty as tears?

No one will know you’ve been crying
Your cocktail’s as salty as tears

 

Songwriting diary:

One day I sat down to record a podcast, and – as I often do – I had made myself a martini to sip while recording. As I was setting up my mic and headphones, I pondered the idea of writing an ode to the dirty martini, since it’s a drink I love. I noted some potential lines quickly before starting the podcast, and later returned to them and fleshed out the rest of the words.

However, it took a couple of rewrites to get it how I wanted it, because originally it was a fairly straightforward ode to the drink itself, but I wanted it to have more of an emotional backbone, i.e. why is the narrator of this song feeling so enthusiastic about martinis? What is she trying to cope with or avoid by drinking? So I wrote some little hints of depression, avoidant behavior and other issues (all of which I indeed have) into the song.

The production aspect of this song was one of the most fun ones of any of the songs I’ve produced this year, because I incorporated some unusual-for-me percussion. I made an audio recording of the process of making the martini you see me sipping in the video, and edited the sounds of pouring, stirring, adding ice, etc. into the appropriate spots in the song. I also asked my very talented brother Max for advice on what kind of electronic drum part I should record, and he responded by sending me a complete drum track he’d recorded himself for the song – on a very short turnaround, I might add! Max is the best.

Song 51/52: “Agony”

Lyrics:

Am I in pain? Yes, he’s hurting me
Am I in love? Almost certainly
I’m not guilty; I fell slowly
And it’s agony now

Am I upset? I suppose I am
But damn, it feels good in the throes; I am
Slightly hooked on cryptic looks
And it’s agony now

I think we can both concede
That you want and I just need
I think we can both remember
How I sound when I plead

Does it feel good? Yes, of course it does
Do you love back? Not by choice; I was
Not allowed to haunt and hound you
And it’s agony now

Are you out late and betraying me?
Will you deny that you’re playing me?
Wanting answers is a hazard
And it’s agony now

I think we can both admit
That you make me feel like shit
I think we can both remember
When I couldn’t handle it

Bags are all packed – now I’m heading out
This is the drive I’ve been dreading, but
Now I’m free and much more me and
Moving on; I’m out, I’m gone
It’s all behind me now

 

Songwriting diary:

The first two lines of this song (“Am I in pain? Yes, he’s hurting me/ Am I in love? Almost certainly”) popped into my head months ago and I wrote them down. I went on to chip away at writing this song over the next several weeks, eventually completing it – but I didn’t really feel happy with it, so I didn’t record it until I went on vacation to Chicago. I’d been struggling to write a song while out of my usual environment, not least because traveling is exhausting for my fibro-ridden body, so I decided to take a bit of a “vacation” from the songwriting challenge as well by recording a song I’d already written but had never recorded. (I don’t think that’s cheating, and I make the rules!)

I reused Max’s drum part from the previous week’s song, since I needed another waltzy drum part and he had kindly sent me an editable version of the track. I sped it up to suit this song and I think it worked out well.

Song 52/52: “If You’re Alone for Christmas…”

Lyrics:

If you’re alone for Christmas, I hope you make a meal
That’s every bit as warm and cozy as I hope you feel
I hope you open presents, even if they’re from yourself
They still are worth receiving, even not from someone else

I hope you light a fire to warm your little toes
I hope you’ve got hot chocolate to warm your little nose
If you’re alone for Christmas, I really hope you know:
I’ll see you in the spring; I love you so

If you’re alone for Christmas, I hope you see your luck
You get to spend your day with you; I’m jealous, what the fuck!
I hope you watch the movies you like to watch with me
Like Home Alone and Elf and your old Die Hard DVD

I hope you eat some turkey, and that it tastes like home
And that the memories tide you over when you have to be alone
If you’re alone for Christmas, I really hope you know:
I’ll see you in the spring; I love you so
I’ll see you in the spring; I love you so

 

Songwriting diary:

As with so many song ideas, this one came to me in the shower. I think I was pondering all the friends and family members of mine who were facing the possibility of spending their holiday season alone, due to COVID risk and other factors.

I took a first pass at the lyrics but ultimately found I just wasn’t sure what one could say to comfort someone in that situation, so I asked my social media followers what they would want to say to a loved one who had to spend the holidays alone. Two ideas that I liked and ended up incorporating came from two different friends of mine: that they’re lucky they get to spend their day with such a cool person, and that there will be other opportunities to see each other in the future if we just wait awhile.

A few days after writing and recording this song, I was on my way to a family party at which I knew I’d be performing some songs for a group of family members including some small children, so I wrote a more kid-friendly (i.e. non-profane) version of the first two lines of the second verse, which I might even like better than my original words:

If you’re alone for Christmas, I hope you know you’re blessed
You get to spend your day with you, and you’re a perfect guest

 

Thank you so much for joining me on this Song A Week journey this year, friends! You can read all the posts from this series in the “songwriting” tag, and check out all the songs in my A Song A Week playlist on YouTube. Happy new year!

Review: PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom Vibrator

Kate Sloan

Honestly, I respect sex toy companies that take risks in terms of toy shapes. Any ol’ company can crank out a vibrator shaped like a rose, or a butterfly, or an egg – but it takes guts to make a vibrator shaped like a woodland mushroom. Let’s talk about this one by PinkPunch.

 

What is the PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom Vibrator?

Launched in April 2021, PinkPunch is a fairly new sex toy company, and the Sunset Mushroom vibrator was their first product. It’s a small silicone vibrator shaped like a mushroom, and was designed to appeal to people who’ve never used a sex toy before and are intimidated by the thought of doing so.

The toy comes with its own charging case, inside of which it fits perfectly.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The aesthetic of the Sunset Mushroom and its charging case is adorable, and reminds me of the Powerpuff Girls. I agree with PinkPunch that newbies are sometimes intimidated by the wide selection of sex toys available and may prefer something with a friendly aesthetic like this.
  • The charging case is really cool. It works similarly to AirPods, holding its own charge (once you charge it up) which can be used to recharge the toy up to 3 times even if you have to be away from a power outlet for a while. This is super convenient if you plan on traveling with the toy, using it on-the-go, etc. or even if you’re just lazy like me and don’t always feel like plugging in a charger when a toy needs some juice. I’ve never seen a sex toy that had this type of charging system before and I’m really impressed with it.
  • I like the shape and size of the toy for clitoral stimulation, and also for inserting shallowly to hit my G-spot.
  • It’s reasonably quiet.
  • It’s waterproof! (The case, however, is not, so be careful to dry the toy thoroughly before putting it back in there.)

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The vibrations are, unfortunately, bad. The lowest setting is a tolerable mix of buzzy and rumbly, but its other two steady speeds are verrrrrry buzzy and thus don’t feel anywhere near as stimulating as rumblier vibes. Buzziness also causes temporary numbness that can make it hard to enjoy sensations and orgasms.
  • There are only three steady speeds, followed by five vibration patterns, and only one button to cycle through them all. I hate this. If you ask me, every vibrator should have 5-10 different steady speeds and a maximum of 3 patterns, and you should be able to control the former separately from the latter, with “up” and “down” buttons instead of just one button.
  • The handle vibrates as much as the head of the toy, making it uncomfortable to hold onto for more than a minute or two at a time.
  • Out of the box, the toy had a rubbery smell that has only dissipated slightly when washed. It’s actually such a strong smell that I could detect it while sitting at my desk even when the toy was inside its half-closed charging case on the other end of my desk. I did a flame test and the results seem to indicate that the toy is indeed made of silicone as PinkPunch claims it is, but I have no idea why it smells so strongly of rubber if that’s the case.
  • Not sure whether to put this on the “pros” list or the “cons” list, but: PinkPunch warns you twice in the toy’s instructions that you should only use it externally, but also includes a “safety strap” you can attach to it, to make retrieval easier if you do use it penetratively. On the one hand, I’m glad that they’re giving customers a slightly safer way to put this toy up their butt if they so desire (harm reduction, yay!); on the other hand, if they wanted to actually make the toy anal-safe, they should have given it a flared base and/or made the safety strap non-removable. As is, it could all too easily detach from the toy while in your butt, which could end up necessitating a trip to the emergency room.
  • The toy’s one button, which you use to turn it on and off and to cycle through its settings, is unmarked and hard to push.
  • The PinkPunch app, which you can supposedly use to control this toy from nearby or from far away, is not available in my region (Canada). Not sure why.
  • This toy costs $99 and simply is not worth that much money. (I would hesitate to say it’s worth even half that much, frankly.) You can get way better clit vibes, like the We-Vibe Tango X and Hot Octopuss Amo, for less.

 

Final thoughts

While I love the look of the PinkPunch Sunset Mushroom vibrator and the way that it charges, the motor of a toy is its most important quality, bar none, and this one has a baaaad motor. It’s nowhere near rumbly enough, strong enough or satisfying enough to justify the toy’s $99 price tag.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if anyone who works at a vibrator company is reading this, please tell your team to focus first and foremost on developing motors that are rumbly (i.e. low-pitched), powerful, and allow for variable speeds. Everything else is just window dressing, and if you blow your budget on bells and whistles, the product itself will be forgettable and disappointing no matter how flashy and fabulous it may look.

 

Note: You can use the code juice40 to get 40% off your order from PinkPunch!

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Cupid 3-In-1 Heating Thrusting Vibration Realistic Dildo

Kate Sloan

It is a known fact that I love dick. I didn’t always, but now, after many years of sexual activity with many lovely dick-owners, I am very much a fan. (And no, none of that is me giving you permission to send me pictures or textual descriptions of your dick. I like the ones I know, the ones I consent to see. Nonconsensual penises are ugly and gross, no exceptions.)

So, naturally, I am a fan of realistic dildos as well – provided they’re well-made. And it’s even more intriguing when those dildos are capable of doing some of the things human dicks can do, like feel immediately warm upon insertion or thrust in and out. This Bestvibe 3-in-1 dildo can do both of those things and more, so I was excited to review it. Let’s talk about it!

 

What is the Bestvibe Cupid 3-in-1 Heating Thrusting Vibration Realistic Dildo?

Phew. Bestvibe’s product names are always such a mouthful! Maybe we should just call this the Bestvibe Cupid, for short.

The Cupid is a realistic silicone dildo with a 6.3-inch insertable length (it’s 8.66 inches total, including the balls and suction cup base). It has a diameter of about 1.7 inches at its largest point.

However, in addition, this dildo can vibrate, heat up, and thrust in and out. It comes with a small remote control that allows you to control these three functions.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The dimensions are great for my particular vag. It’s got enough length to hit my A-spot easily if I keep it anchored deep inside me by placing a pillow between my legs at the base of the toy (more on that below), but I can also position it more shallowly to hit my G-spot. The girth is wide enough to feel satisfying but not so wide as to need much warm-up before inserting it (for me, anyway). I am very much a fan.
  • Visually and tactilely, the toy is quite realistic. The closest thing I can compare it to is actually dual-density silicone dildos like the VixSkin toys, in that it’s realistic-looking in quite a detailed way and feels both squishy and firm. The Cupid isn’t dual-density like those toys are, but its mechanical core feels very similar to the firm silicone core of a dual-density toy, so that in use they actually feel very much alike.
  • The thrusting! Oh, the thrusting. A lot of self-thrusting toys feel pretty weak – more like a perpetual-motion machine on somebody’s cubicle desk than a hard rough fuck – but this one has some serious strength behind it. At its best, it feels almost as good as a real live human fucking me. And since its steady modes are much more rhythmically regular than the average human is capable of being, it gets me off more easily than most people can with their dicks. (By the way, whenever I talk about getting off from penetrative toys, assume that I mean “with added clitoral stimulation via my fingers or a vibrator,” because – like the majority of people with my anatomy – I don’t orgasm without clit stim.)
  • While a more pronounced curve would’ve been my preference, the subtle curve of this toy is good enough to hit my spots the way I like. It helps that it has a well-defined coronal ridge which can rub against those spots on every thrust.
  • It’s got a suction-cup base. This normally isn’t something I care that much about, since the combo of chronic pain and laziness means that I almost always masturbate lying on my back in bed – but with a thrusting toy, it can be nice to be able to back up onto it, or sit down on it from above, or whatever.
  • The wide base also means this toy is harness-compatible, which is interesting. I wonder what it would feel like if a mechanically-thrusting device was simultaneously thrust in and out of me by an actual person… However, even if you turn all the mechanical functions off when using it this way, the Cupid also functions perfectly well as a regular strap-on dildo.
  • The Cupid costs £49.99, which (at time of writing) works out to about $60 USD or $81 CAD. That’s a really reasonable price for something that looks and feels this realistic and has this many functions.
  • The toy comes with a small battery-powered remote, which is auto-paired to the dildo. All you have to do is put the battery into the remote, turn on the toy by long-pressing the power button on its base, and press one of the 3 buttons on the remote to activate one of the toy’s 3 functions (or use more than one at once, if you prefer).
  • On that note, each of the 3 functions can be controlled independently – so if you want vibrations but no thrusting, or vice-versa, you can do that, or you can use both at once.
  • This toy is safe for both vaginal and anal insertion (though, as with any other toy, you’ll need to sanitize it in between using it anally and using it vaginally).

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • It had a bit of an oily residue when it first arrived, which made me think it might be made of an unsafe material. However, after washing it and (later) doing a flame test on it, now I’m pretty sure it’s made of real silicone, and just had some residue left on it from the manufacturing process (which is pretty common and is the reason most companies will tell you to wash a toy before using it for the first time).
  • The button on the base of the toy is really hard to locate and press, especially if you have hand strength issues like I do.
  • The toy is decently loud, like most thrusters are. The sound diminishes when it’s inside you, however.
  • There are only 3 thrusting settings. The first one is hard, fast, and steady. The second one is more erratic, switching between a few different speeds, which I guess is meant to feel more authentically human but actually just annoys me. The third is slower, steady thrusting. I like the steady settings but wish that there were more of them, and that the toy started on the slowest setting and worked its way up from there.
  • As with many warming toys, I can’t actually detect the heating function in this toy. These functions usually take a few minutes to reach peak heat and the heat itself is usually pretty subtle, which makes it hard to notice, especially since, by that point, usually I will have put the toy inside me already and so my body will already have warmed it up a bit.
  • The remote is battery-powered rather than being rechargeable, and uses a type of battery you’re unlikely to have just lying around the house (27A 12V). There’s also no markings on the battery chamber or in the toy instructions regarding which way the battery should be oriented, so you just have to guess and then flip it around if your first guess is wrong.
  • Additionally, there’s no way to control the toy without the remote, so if you lose the remote or its battery dies mid-session, you’re shit outta luck. This is honestly probably my #1 issue with this toy. Remote-control toys should always have buttons on the unit itself if at all possible.
  • As with most self-thrusting toys, this one will tend to shimmy its way out of you if left to its own devices (so to speak), so you’ll need to keep it in place by putting a pillow or somesuch against the base of the toy, between your legs – or by making use of its suction-cup base to attach it to a firm surface like a wall, floor, or mirror.
  • The vibrations are so weak and buzzy that they can barely be discerned. Don’t get this toy if you want internal vibration; thrusting (or being manually thrusted) is the only thing it does well.

 

Final thoughts

Of the latest batch of products Bestvibe has sent me (more reviews to come!), the Cupid dildo is by far my favorite. It’s rare to find a thrusting toy that actually feels anything like getting fucked, and that can elicit orgasms as intensely and reliably for me as this toy does.

It definitely has some issues – mainly its limited settings, terrible vibrations, and awkward controls – but in my view these are ultimately forgivable, because its thrusting is so damn good. Much like some of the people I have dated/fucked, its issues seem minor in comparison to the pounding it can provide.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan
A staircase at the Lovehoney media dinner

As with any pandemic-burdened year, I didn’t get to go to as many events in 2022 as I would’ve preferred… but that meant that the ones I did go to were all the more special, because I was much more selective about events I considered worth attending. Here are 4 of the most memorable and remarkable events I went to this year.

 

Raaaatscraps

Once upon a time, there was an improv show called ASSSSCAT. It began in the 1990s and featured an all-star team of improvisors, including Amy Poehler (pre-SNL fame). The format was simple: a guest monologist, usually a professionally funny person like a TV writer or a character actor, tells an off-the-cuff, true story from their life inspired by an audience suggestion, and then a cast of improvisors does a longform improv set based on that story. This continued for over 20 years; the cast and crew shifted over time, but the core of the show – and its rabid audience – stayed consistent.

When the theatre at which ASSSSCAT was performed, the UCB NYC, had to shut down during the pandemic, the cast wasn’t ready to say goodbye. And so Raaaatscraps was born: the spiritual sequel to ASSSSCAT, transported to a different venue (Caveat, a cabaret/comedy theatre in the East Village) and performed every Sunday night.

My now-spouse took me to an ASSSSCAT show on our 2nd date, way back in January 2018, and it was one of the many things that made me fall in love with them. I’d grown up watching and doing a lot of improv, and still to this day it’s one of my favorite art forms; it fascinates me and informs my worldview and even my spirituality. So it felt refreshing and affirming to have a partner who understood that on a deep level and felt that way about it too.

Ever since Raaaatscraps started up, I’ve gone in-person whenever possible, but mostly have watched it via livestream every week, since I’m not usually in New York. It’s cute to see my spouse sitting in the front row while I’m watching from my apartment in Toronto, especially when we laugh at all the same jokes! The rotating cast is wildly talented and their improv is frequently incisive, absurdist, thought-provoking – and always hilarious. Some people go to church on Sundays; I go to Raaaatscraps, and I’m a better person for it. I don’t know how else to describe it except that you should watch it!

 

Jes Tom + Tessa Skara Present: Corporate Pride

Pandemic notwithstanding, it’s been several years since I had the energy and inclination to actually attend Pride events. They used to be a vital annual way that I reconnected with my local queer community as a whole and felt a sense of belonging that everyday life didn’t always allow for – but somehow that fell by the wayside, maybe after I fainted from overheating in a throng of people in the gayborhood one year, or maybe after I kept running into exes and then literally running away from them, who knows.

Anyway, it was healing and lovely to attend an actual Pride event this year, albeit not an “official” one. This comedy show’s bill was packed full of queer and trans comedians, telling jokes, performing songs, improvising and dancing. My partner and I sat in the front row and roared with laughter all night long, discovering many new fave performers along the way. We had fake cash shot at us from a money gun, applauded one performer as they announced their new-ish pronouns, laughed and cried and celebrated. It was exactly the queer communion I needed.

 

Into the Woods on Broadway

Into the Woods has been my favorite musical since I was a kid, when my mom or my aunt (not sure which) showed me a fuzzy pro-shot VHS of the original cast performing the show. Over the years, I’ve seen it wherever I could, and have always found it interesting to see how different theatre companies handle it. It’s a story that intertwines several classic fairy tales – Jack & the Beanstalk, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, etc. – and like those tales, Into the Woods itself can be interpreted and reinterpreted in countless different ways.

My partner was able to score us a couple of tickets for the current Broadway production, and I loved it. Of particular note to me was Gavin Creel as Cinderella’s Prince (he is hilarious), Cole Thompson as Jack (incredibly moving), and Kennedy Kanagawa puppeteering Jack’s cow, Milky White, in a way that felt mournful and touching. It’s wild to see a show you know like the back of your hand, presented in a way that feels both classic and respectful to the text, and new and fresh, all at the same time.

It was also very emotional for me to see a Stephen Sondheim show relatively soon after his death in November 2021. He was one of the great geniuses of our time and I’m so glad I got to live at the same time as him for a while, as cheesy as that may sound.

 

Lovehoney media dinner

I’ve been invited to a lot of press events in my time and many of them have been somewhat uninspired, if nonetheless luxurious: an open bar, a goodie bag, a brief talk from the company’s education rep, and that’s it. But the Lovehoney press dinner I was invited to in October was quite different.

In addition to letting us take whatever products we wanted from their current lineup and providing education about those products, the company had also put together a menu of custom cocktails, served oysters on ice, and – most incredibly of all – hired the chef and team at Patois to serve us an 8-course meal inspired by sexuality and sensuality. The whole affair made me feel very fancy and respected as a journalist, and I also got to chat with lots of fascinating folks from my industry, something I don’t often get a chance to do.

I went home in an Uber paid for by the company, carrying a huge bag of sex toys and a takeout box of beef brisket, rice and peas cooked in delicious spices. There are times when my job feels grueling and thankless – like when I’m hunched over a Google Doc, enumerating the virtues of clitoral vibrators for the 8th time that week – but then I’m invited to events like this, and I remember how glamorous my line of work actually is, and how grateful I feel to be in it.

 

What were your favorite events – online or off – that you attended this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 5 Savvy Superheroes

Kate Sloan

Especially since the onset of the pandemic, the strangers I follow on social media and the online creators whose work I consume have come to feel like part of my (para)social sphere. There’s a reason I’ll sometimes half-jokingly say “I want to see my friends!” when sitting down to watch a beloved TV show, check out a favorite YouTuber’s latest video or pop into an Instagram Live of someone whose life I follow from afar.

So it feels as appropriate as ever this year to highlight some people I think are doing heroic work, whether artistically, ethically, intellectually, politically, or some combination thereof. Here are my 5 picks for the year.

 

Hannah Einbinder

When my spouse and I attended a Pride Week comedy variety show in New York this past June, we were there primarily to see the ever-hilarious Jes Tom and didn’t know many of the other acts – so when the awkward-yet-confident, androgynously-styled Hannah Einbinder strutted onto the stage, we had no idea who she was. All we knew was that we were immediately captivated by her dry wit, zany jokes, and disarming stage presence.

The emcees had mentioned that Hannah was one of the stars of a TV series called Hacks, and when we started watching it, it was hard not to immediately fall in love with Hannah’s character, Ava. Ava is a down-on-her-luck comedy writer who lands a gig ghostwriting jokes for a famous fiftysomething comedienne, Deborah Vance, who’s fallen from her former glory. But what’s most striking to me about Ava – and about Hannah too – is that she’s loudly out about being bisexual, and she’s neither a stereotyped caricature of a bisexual nor a sugarcoated figurehead of “good bisexual representation.” Ava is a flawed, messy person who can be gregarious and generous one minute and anxious and selfish the next, just like a real human – and Hannah plays her with warmth and whimsy.

As a fellow bisexual Jew with a penchant for dark jokes (and messy behavior), I find both Hannah and her character Ava very relatable, and am so glad to see someone like Hannah out in the world making people laugh. She certainly made me laugh a lot this year.

 

Paul “Photie” Photenhauer

Paul is the author of the books Natural Harvest and Semenology, both cookbooks where cum is the featured ingredient in every recipe.

I have no idea what Paul is up to now, and wish I did. I attempted to get in touch with him for an interview when I wrote a piece about Semenology this year, but he didn’t reply and hasn’t tweeted since 2012. (Hope he’s okay.)

Wherever he may be, his cultural impact is undeniable. Natural Harvest is the second-most mentioned book on all of Reddit, and I’ve yet to find any other works that dive as deeply into cum cuisine as Paul’s do. As I noted in my article, not all of the recipes are winners, and one wonders what menu a professionally trained chef or bartender (of which I gather Paul is neither) would build if given the same prompt – but Paul’s work gave me a lot of delight this year, and I think that’s worth celebrating.

 

Dr. Dick Schwartz

I would be remiss not to mention Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D. on this list, because his work had a transformational impact on my life this year.

As I’ve chronicled in a few blog posts, I dug deeply into the therapeutic modality known as Internal Family Systems this year as part of my trauma healing process, and it is one of the only tools I’ve come across in 15+ years of therapy that has actually shifted things for me. I still struggle, for sure, but I’m much stronger and more resilient now than I was at this time last year, in large part because of the techniques and paradigm I’ve learned from Internal Family Systems.

Dr. Schwartz invented IFS by applying to individual therapy similar techniques as those he’d used with couples and families in his practice, under the assumption that each person has different sides of their personality (known as “parts”) which can be in conflict with each other, and that these parts can be soothed and taken care of by the Self in order to relieve them of their difficult emotions. It sounds super “woo” but it’s actually just a useful lens through which to look at the internal tensions between different motivations and trauma responses you may have amassed over the years.

I really feel that Dr. Schwartz’s IFS model helped turn my life around pretty dramatically this year, and I’m so very grateful to him (and to my excellent IFS-practicing therapist) for that.

 

Joel Kim Booster

Happily, there was a lot of fantastic queer media this year. To name just a few faves: Everything Everywhere All at Once, Bros, The L Word: Generation Q, Heartstopper, Tár. A couple other major standouts were Joel Kim Booster’s Netflix stand-up special Psychosexual and (even moreso) the film he wrote and starred in, Fire Island.

Fire Island is a gay rom-com, and the world sorely needs more of those. But beyond that, it’s also just a really fucking good movie. It’s a modern-day, queered adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, set on the titular queer oasis that is Fire Island in the summertime. A gaggle of gay friends shows up for their annual weeklong vacation, and romantic hijinks ensue.

Booster’s sense of humor is sharp and biting, deeply millennial, distinctively queer, and shot through with relatable mental health struggles (he has bipolar disorder). He tackles tough topics like sex, race, and civil rights with ease and style. I think he’s hilarious and brilliant and am excited to see what he does next!

 

Jonathan Mann

Upon issuing myself a songwriting challenge this year, I started looking into the work of people who had issued themselves similar challenges – and pretty much immediately stumbled across Jonathan Mann’s “Song a Day” project.

As its title suggests, Jonathan writes and records a song every day for this project, which would be amazing enough on its own – but the fact that he’s kept it going for nearly 14 years now is even more mindblowing. That’s over 5,000 songs, and counting.

In addition to this staggering daily achievement, Jonathan also works on other projects, including a podcast about his songwriting process that I really enjoyed. I find him wildly inspirational as a creator. I read an interview with him this year where he said something like, “I decided to do this because I noticed that I felt better on days when I wrote a song than on days when I didn’t, and I wanted to feel that way every day.” I am in total agreement with him, and aspire to commit to a daily practice of creativity the way he has, for reasons that go beyond the practical and ascend into the spiritual, the existential, the universal and the eternal.

 

Who were your biggest heroes this year?