Why “Amateur Porn” is My Fave Kind of Porn

Kate Sloan
An Instax photo taken of me in my twenties. BTW, if you want more like this, click here, here, and here. 😇

It took me a long time to start enjoying porn. I had already been masturbating and reading erotica (especially erotic fanfiction) for several years before porn became a regular part of my solo sex routine.

Up until then, it just… hadn’t really interested me. What little I’d seen of it, online or while flipping through TV channels late at night, had seemed ridiculous to me: over-the-top, unrealistic, melodramatically acted. I’d never had sex, so I didn’t know what sex was “really like,” but I knew that the images in those videos didn’t resonate with me (or my vagina) anywhere near as much as the flirty banter in a great fanfic story, or the frisson I felt when talking to a crush at school. If devising fantasies and replaying memories felt more exciting than watching porn, why bother watching it?

There were a few exceptions; I liked the punk-rock pinup pics on the website SuicideGirls, and I had watched that one notorious Nina Hartley cunnilingus tutorial so many times that it had eventually earned a place of honor on my iPod Video. (Now there’s a throwback!) But most porn, especially most straight porn, was off-putting to me. I just didn’t get it.

 

Eventually, though, I discovered amateur porn. In comparison to the slick overproduction of mainstream studio porn, these amateurs making sexy videos from their bedrooms or basements felt like a revelation. Their work turned me on, not just because their bodies and lives looked closer to my own, but because – what with so many amateur porn makers being real-life couples – they showed me a vision of what a future sex life could look like for me: intimate, fun, sometimes a little silly, and hot. Very hot.

I was always the type of anxious kid who would Google things like “how to know if someone wants to kiss you” and “what do dicks taste like?” so there was something calming about watching real couples have the kinds of sex they apparently regularly had, even when the cameras were off. They showed me that you didn’t have to be an industry professional to be “good at sex” and to be thought of as sexy. That comforted me.

I’ve also always been turned on by the idea of someone knowing your body so well that they can get you off easily and consistently; I eroticized the thought of being known that deeply. And there’s no better place to watch that fantasy unfold than in amateur porn, where performers are often intimately familiar with one another’s bodies and know all the right buttons to press. This seemed romantic to me, and helped me dream about the sexual futures I wanted for myself.

 

While “amateur porn” is still an extremely popular porn category, the term itself has evolved over time. Its popularity prompted many mainstream porn studios to adopt an “amateur” aesthetic in some of their work, hoping to draw in some viewers who (like me) had previously been unimpressed with big-studio porn.

Meanwhile, the internet continued evolving, eventually empowering some performers to attract bigger and bigger audiences and to use more powerful platforms to reach new people. Both then and now, it almost feels disingenuous to call some of these people “amateurs” when they may have as much industry knowledge as, if not more than, many performers for mainstream companies because they’ve always been responsible for doing their own lighting, filming, editing, etc.

Some purists might argue that the well-lit and well-marketed independent performers on OnlyFans, ManyVids, etc. aren’t amateurs in the true sense of the word, because their production values are too high or their videos are too pre-planned and performative. While it’s fine if you prefer the low-res, low-lit amateur videos of yore, I actually think it’s wonderful that video technology has become accessible enough that you don’t have to have big studio bucks to make porn that looks great. And I also know – particularly from talking to friends of mine in the industry – that just because something is “performed” doesn’t necessarily mean it’s inauthentic. Some people find exhibitionism exciting, and so, in their videos, you may see performativity and authenticity blended together seamlessly into something gorgeous and hot.

 

Still to this day, it’s incredibly rare that I watch porn made by mainstream studios. Most of it just doesn’t interest me and doesn’t turn me on. I can’t relax and enjoy myself if I don’t feel that the performers on-screen are also relaxed and enjoying themselves, ideally with someone they like to fuck off-camera as well. And sure, that kind of thing can be found in some mainstream porn, but it’s much more readily available (and more believable to me) in the “amateur” category.

I want to feel like what I’m watching could plausibly happen in my bedroom, or my friends’ bedrooms. I want to feel the performers’ real flirtation and attraction and deep knowledge of one another’s bodies. I want real orgasms, real squirting, real giggles and real romance. And I want to pay creators directly (or as directly as possible) for what they’ve made, with no bigwig middle-man standing between us. I want to feel connected to the porn I watch, and to the people in it, almost as much as I feel connected to my actual sexual partners and my friends.

And so, I still love amateur porn, and probably always will – although I hope it’s eventually given a name more befitting of the immense work and expertise that can go into making real-life sex look real damn beautiful.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What to Get Your Sweetheart for Valentine’s Day: My Top Picks

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Standard Glass S-Curve, Dame Kip, and CalExotics Glam Bullet. (All are favorites of mine but none are otherwise mentioned in this post.)

It’s that time of year again: my inbox is overrun with even more press releases than usual about stuff like aphrodisiac mushroom gummies and panties that protect you from STIs. Happy almost-Valentine’s Day, friends!

If you’re anything like me, you might be scrambling right now to buy Valentine’s gifts for loved ones. As is tradition, I’m helping you out by compiling a list of some of my top picks, in terms of sex toys and other sex accoutrements. I have tested and reviewed literally hundreds of toys, and these are the ones that stand out to me right now as being the nicest, most pleasurable gifts you could get for people whose pleasure you value (including yourself!). Hope you and your babe(s) love these.

 

Clitoral Pleasure

• The We-Vibe Tango X ($75 at SheVibe, $79 on Amazon) absolutely rules. Rumbly, strong, waterproof, quiet, and equally useful for masturbation and partnered sex. I’m a huge fan.

• The Satisfyer Curvy 2+ ($55 at SheVibe, $43 on Amazon) is a good pressure-wave toy at a great price point. If your partner has only ever tried vibrators before and never ventured into the land of pressure-wave toys, this one’s worth trying.

• The Lovense Exomoon ($99 at SheVibe, $79 on Amazon) is one of my fave clitoral vibes at the moment. It’s powerful, rumbly, petite, quiet, waterproof, and travel-friendly. And it’s particularly on-point for Valentine’s Day because it looks like a pretty tube of red lipstick!

 

Vaginal Pleasure

• The Njoy Pure Wand ($115 at SheVibe) is probably the best G-spot toy that’s ever been made. It is the tool to have if you want to (potentially) learn to squirt. It also works excellently for prostate stimulation. Relevantly for Valentine’s Day gifting, it comes in a gorgeous black wooden box with a pink satin lining.

• The Fun Factory Stronic Petite ($149 at SheVibe) is a self-thrusting toy that provides gently textured stimulation against the vaginal walls. I’ve been hoping for ages that Fun Factory would put out a smaller Stronic toy, and they finally did – this one tops out at 1.3 inches in diameter, so I find it comfy any time in my arousal cycle.

• The Hole Punch Toys Fluke ($67 at SheVibe) can be used as a vaginal plug or as a butt plug. My favorite way to use it is wearing it vaginally while my partner goes down on me – it intensifies sensations and orgasms a lot, giving me passive G-spot stimulation at all times.

 

Penis Pleasure

• I absolutely adore the Lovense Max ($119 at SheVibe, $129 on Amazon) for long-distance play with my partner. It allows me to squeeze/vibrate/stimulate their dick from 500 miles away. But it also functions well when used solo.

• The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage ($35 at SheVibe, $35 on Amazon) is a cheaper and more portable alternative to a full-size Fleshlight. The open-ended design allows you to use it as part of a blowjob or in combination with various other toys and sex acts if you want to. It’s also easier to clean than a standard Fleshlight, and great for exhibitionists and voyeurs because of its translucency.

• Look, I could have put the Magic Wand Rechargeable ($130 at SheVibe, $125 on Amazon) in any one of these categories, frankly, when you consider all the ways it can be used and different attachments you can get. But using it on penises is particularly underrated. When it comes to Valentine’s gifts, it’s nice to get one that both/all of you can use, together or separately, regardless of gender or anatomy.

 

Anal Pleasure

• If you have a prostate, I strongly endorse the Lovense Edge 2 ($129 on Amazon), a vibrating butt plug. It’s got a prostate-targeting curve, and you can adjust the angle depending on how much pressure you want. It also works long-distance, if you’re into that.

• The Njoy medium Pure Plug ($70 at SheVibe) is my favorite butt plug ever, and is pretty much perfect. Stainless steel is an impressively luxurious-feeling material for a butt plug. This one turns me on easily and quickly, whether I’m combining it with various sex acts or just wearing it around the house.

• If you’re looking for a realistic and/or harness-compatible dildo, the Vixen Creations Mustang ($116 at SheVibe, $129 on Amazon) is one of my all-time favorites. It’s incredibly realistic and hits the prostate (or G-spot) with very little effort, in my experience.

 

Kink, Etc.

• Shameless self-promotion ahead: My first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do ($20 at SheVibe, $20 on Amazon) is a top-tier Valentine’s gift for anyone you want to get kinky with. You can flip through it together, talk about the kinks you’re interested in trying, and get some useful ideas from the book about how to incorporate each kink in a safe and satisfying way. This, plus some page flags for highlighting parts you want to talk about or revisit, would be a lovely Valentine’s gift!

Image via SheVibe

• I don’t think there is a sexier harness in the world than the Aslan Leather Jaguar harness ($105 at SheVibe). The leather is buttery and soft, the fit is highly adjustable, and the stability is terrific.

• The Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraints System ($46 at SheVibe, $45 on Amazon) is the easiest way to start incorporating bondage into your sex life (or to start doing so more often than you currently are). Installing it under your mattress is quick and easy, and gives you a built-in way to cuff your partner (or have them cuff you) to the bed whenever you want.

• I love the Unicorn Collaborators hand harness ($55 at SheVibe) for times when I want my partner to pound me with a dildo using their full arm strength. It’s also a cool life hack for people who like using dildos on themselves but don’t always have the grip strength needed to do so.

 

What’s on your Valentine’s Day wishlist this year?

Review: Bestvibe Seven Rolling Licking Rabbit Vibrator

Kate Sloan
All images via Bestvibe

I like vibrators. I like tongues. I like being fucked. Why not combine all those things into one toy?!

That’s exactly what the Bestvibe Seven Rolling Licking Rabbit Vibrator aims to do. Let’s find out how it performs!

 

What is the Bestvibe Seven Rolling Licking Rabbit Vibrator?

This is a dual-stim vibrator that has three different functions: vibration in the external part (though this is falsely advertised as “licking” – more on that below), vibration in the internal part, and the back-and-forth rolling of some small balls under the surface of the toy’s shaft.

Things I like about this toy

  • There are three buttons on this toy and each corresponds to one of its three functions, so you can control them independently from each other. You still have to cycle through each function’s 7 settings by pressing its one button, which can be annoying, but is probably less annoying than it would be to have an “up” and “down” button for each of the three functions.
  • The “rolling” function is easily my favorite, because it’s the most unique: little balls or beads move in tandem under the surface of the shaft, but instead of rotating around the shaft like they do on many standard rabbits, these ones move up and down the shaft. This creates a sensation that feels surprisingly like thrusting when it’s inside me, despite the fact that the shaft itself is staying still. This is an interesting way of approaching the “it’s hard to thrust with rabbit vibes without losing clit contact” problem.
  • Furthermore, amongst the rolling function’s 7 settings are some that focus more toward the base of the shaft, some that stay closer to the head, and several that traverse more length than that. This makes for an interesting variety of sensations and is something I don’t often see implemented in toys for vulvas (some “blowjob simulator”-type toys do similar things for penises, allowing you to focus on specific parts of the shaft at any given time).
  • While the marketing copy for this toy claims that its internal portion targets the G-spot, I actually find it to be more A-spotty, which I love. The long shaft and very slight curve at the tip are classic features of an A-spot toy. When I push this one deep enough, the rolling balls on the shaft can get pretty close to my A-spot while still rolling across my G-spot, which feels awesome and unlike any other toy I can think of.
  • It’s waterproof!

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • I feel it’s misleading for Bestvibe to call the clit-stimulation function of this toy “licking,” because – while that part of the toy is made out of little silicone “tongues” – the tongues just vibrate, and don’t actually move/flap/lick, the way something like a Sqweel does. Moreover, because the tongues’ vibrations are so overwhelmingly buzzy, they don’t tremble up and down to any significant degree while vibrating, the way a rumblier motor might cause them to. In fact, focusing these wildly buzzy vibrations into such small, pointed shapes is downright uncomfortable at times, at least for my relatively sensitive clit.
  • On that note, the vibrations – both internally and externally – are so buzzy as to be basically useless for me. Any body part that stays in contact with them for more than about 30 seconds starts to feel numb and itchy. Not my cup of tea at all, but if you like buzzy vibrations, you might enjoy this toy.
  • Each of the vibration settings only has 3 steady speeds followed by 4 patterns. Generally I need a wider range of steady speeds to be able to get off with a vibrator. There’s not even that much of a discernible difference between the speeds on this toy, possibly because my bits are so numb by that point that I can’t tell when the vibrations get stronger.
  • The clitoral arm is too short for me. If I get it into a position that actually feels okay for my clit, then the internal arm loses contact with the spots that feel good inside, and vice-versa. For similar reasons, you can’t manually thrust this toy in and out, at least not if you want the clit arm to stay in contact with your body.
  • As often happens in multi-function toys with less-than-stellar engineering, each of this toy’s functions noticeably loses power when you turn on another one of the functions. This often has the effect of ruining orgasms because (for example) if I’ve been using the rolling + clit vibration functions and need a little more power to get me there, turning on the internal vibrations would just weaken all three at that crucial moment.
  • The rolling function is pretty loud, and mechanical whirring isn’t exactly a turn-on, but what can ya do.

Final thoughts

I can’t stand aggressively buzzy vibrations so I really didn’t get along well with the Bestvibe Seven Rolling Licking Rabbit Vibrator. I wish its motor was way rumblier, largely so that the tongues on its clitoral arm would flutter pleasantly, rather than just aiming a concentrated beam of discomfort at my clit.

However, I really like the toy’s rolling balls function and wish more dual-stim toys made use of technologies like this, to create sensations that are more interesting and unique than just G-spot vibration. I also dig the length and shape of the toy for A-spot stimulation; it’s hard to find dual-stim vibes that do this well.

Overall though, I can’t really recommend this toy, especially since it costs £52.99 (about $65 USD or $86 CAD). That’s too much to pay just to have your genitals numbed out.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Thrusting Rotating Vibrating Heating Realistic Dildo

Kate Sloan

What is the Bestvibe Thrusting Rotating Vibrating Heating Realistic Dildo?

This toy is a realistic silicone dildo, with a longer-than-usual handle to help with holding it and thrusting it. It vibrates and also thrusts.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • While it’s a bit of an eyesore to have a big plastic handle attached to the bottom of your otherwise-realistic dildo, and might take some people out of the moment fantasy-wise, I found it good for accessibility reasons. As someone whose hands get sore sometimes due to my fibromyalgia, I appreciated having an easier way to hold onto this toy than the claw-hand position I usually have to adopt with handleless realistic dildos.
  • The vibrations are actually pretty good (except for the fact that there’s only 2 steady speeds, as mentioned below). They’re on the rumblier side of what I was expecting, albeit still buzzier than rumbly classics like the We-Vibe Tango and Swan Wand.
  • I like the dimensions a lot. The insertable length ranges from 5.1″ to 6.3″ (it expands and contracts when its thrusting function is engaged) and the diameter is 1.6 inches. For me, that’s filling and satisfying but still comfortable, which is ideal.
  • I like the realistic appearance of this dildo, and am glad that more body-safe realistic dildos are available at lower price points now than those offered by, say, Vixen Creations or Tantus.
  • You can control the vibration and the thrusting separately! Hooray!
  • Unlike some other thrusters of this type, this one never pinches my skin awkwardly when it’s thrusting.
  • It’s waterproof!

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • When used the way I assume you’re meant to use it (balls facing down, rather than blocking my clit), the buttons are on the side of the toy that’s facing away from me, so I can’t see them during use. This is incredibly inconvenient and distracting.
  • The thrusting tends to slow down/weaken as soon as the toy’s inside me, and especially when I clench my vag muscles around it. This should not happen and can really mess with my build toward orgasm.
  • This toy has no curve whatsoever, which noticeably reduces the pleasure it could otherwise give me. I have to tilt it in pretty specific ways to get it to rub over my G-spot and/or A-spot.
  • The vibration function only has 2 steady speeds. That is not enough steady speeds.
  • The thrusting function sounds like a witch cackling. I don’t know how to explain that further. It just does. It’s very loud, erratic and distracting.
  • Apparently there is a heating function (there’s even a heating button on the toy), but it just didn’t work for me at all, no matter what I tried.
  • Bestvibe also advertises this toy as “rotating 360 degrees” but this is misleading, as there’s no rotation function. I think they mean that the handle makes it easier to manually rotate the dildo inside you if you want to, but 1) why would you want to? and 2) that’s not what people are gonna assume it means when you say that your product rotates.

Final thoughts

I’d definitely consider using this Bestvibe toy if I wanted to jerk off with a realistic dildo but was lacking the hand strength that day to thrust it myself. Its thrusting function is good and its handle also makes it easier to thrust manually even when my hands are feeling weak/sore.

But it has so many functional problems – especially its button placement, noise level, and the thrusts’ tendency to slow down as soon as any pressure is applied to the toy – that I find it hard to justify recommending this to anyone. Another Bestvibe toy I reviewed recently is a way better realistic thruster and can get me off much more easily and enjoyably, so go check that one out if you’re interested in this type of toy.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Q&A: What It Was Like to Write & Record 52 Songs in 52 Weeks

Kate Sloan

I’ve been having some convos with friends and family lately about the songwriting challenge I did this year, and have enjoyed explaining what made me want to do the challenge, what went into it, and what I took away from it. I found that lots of folks, especially other creatives, were interested in hearing about this – so I thought I’d write a blog post to wrap it all up!

 

Q. Wait. Did you really write and record 52 songs in 52 weeks?

A. Weirdly enough, I did.

 

Q. Why, though?

A. A fair question. A couple things happened within close proximity of each other last December: I wrapped up an educational program called “Meaningful Activity” that I’d been doing at my local chronic pain clinic, which had been leading me through a process of identifying my core values and the things that bring me the most joy, and figuring out how to do more of those things, more often, despite living with chronic pain and chronic fatigue. It came up over and over again in my worksheets and journal entries for that program that I missed music, cared about music, loved making music, and hadn’t been making nearly enough music. At the time that I did this program, I hadn’t written a song in nearly 4 years. In high school I used to crank out multiple songs a month sometimes. I realized I missed that and wanted to be doing significantly more of it.

The other thing that happened was that I spent a solid couple weeks living alone that month because my roommate had gone to stay with her family for the holidays, and I realized that a lot of my reticence to play music lately had been self-consciousness about being heard, but that I didn’t really need to worry about that because my sweet roommate had always expressed supportiveness about my music-making. So I started playing more songs, and even wrote a couple, and then thought, hey, wouldn’t I be happier if I was doing this every single week? So I assigned myself the challenge.

 

Q. Did you really think you’d be able to complete the challenge when you started it?

A. Honestly, no. I thought fatigue, pain, and/or apathy would get the better of me at some point and I’d call it quits. It felt equally possible that I would quit 7 months in or that I would quit after the first week. I think I just don’t believe in myself as much as I should, especially when it comes to professional goals.

 

Q. Where did you get ideas for your songs? Did it ever feel like you were running (or had run) out of ideas?

A. Coming up with conceptual/lyrical ideas is one of the hardest parts of the process for me, which is partly why I sometimes don’t even start with a conceptual/lyrical concept – I’ll start by improvising some lyrics and melodies over a chord progression and kind of just free-associate about what the music reminds me of. This approach can feel more like the song is revealing its theme to me, rather than me coming in with a predetermined theme of my own.

Aside from that – often I would see something in media that would inspire a song: “The Museum” was based on some lines lifted from an Oliver Sacks essay, “Love is Blind” is about the Netflix dating reality show of the same name, “Does He Know?” was inspired by a love triangle on the TV comedy Superstore, “Credit Card” was written soon after I watched The Tinder Swindler, “The Stage” was based on a scene from a documentary about the musical Spring Awakening, “Celia” was an ode to a character from the book The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, “Grandmaster” was a love song for a cult leader inspired by NXIVM’s Keith Raniere, and “Sisyphus” was about Nick Drake and some biographies I’d read of him.

Sometimes songs were inspired by conversations I’d had with people in my life: “Bi Enough” came out of a conversation with my therapist about bisexual impostor syndrome, “Doll” was based on a story a friend told me about his sex doll, and “Amicably” was about a friend’s relatively civil breakup.

Sometimes I would ask my Instagram or Twitter followers to submit a theme, quote, or idea to inspire a song; “Brave Little Girl” was one of those. Sometimes I would pull two tarot cards and ponder their meanings, separately or together, until a song idea appeared; “Mr. Mean” and “What If?” were some of these. Sometimes I would go to RandomWordGenerator.com and have it give me 3 random words to inspire a song; “Notice Me” and “Nobody Likes Me” were some of those. One time, a dream inspired a song; I wrote “Stay” after waking up from a terrible nightmare.

 

Q. What did you learn about songwriting from doing this challenge?

A. A WHOLE LOT. As with any artistic discipline, you definitely get to know your own creative process much more intimately when forced to spend time on it every week. I kept notes on what I learned/observed over the course of the year; here’s a few highlights:

  • I used to have a bad habit of recording and posting new songs immediately after writing them, rather than going through subsequent stages of editing and practicing the song to polish it up. You would think that having to crank out a song every week would’ve made this worse, but it actually made me better at letting songs breathe for a day or more after writing them, and practicing them enough that I could perform them well on camera, because I would always feel like, “Well, I have until Sunday to get this done. Might as well make it as good as I can within that timeframe.” By the end of the challenge, I would pretty much always listen to my initial demo a few times for 1-3 days after writing the song and make changes to anything that started to seem awkward or unpolished. I would also practice the song a lot more before recording it.
  • I quickly realized that it was CRUCIAL for me to have a reliable and searchable repository of ideas that I could pull from when I had writer’s block. I use the Notes app for conceptual ideas and lyrical fragments, and another app called Voice Record Pro to record and organize musical ideas, as well as demos to help me remember a song I’m writing/have already written. Realistically, I won’t always be able to immediately develop an idea that comes to me, because I have a job and stuff. So I had to get very disciplined about documenting even the tiniest snippets of ideas so that they’d be available when I needed them.
  • You’ll make some of your best art when it feels safe to make bad art. And because it was a weekly challenge, I knew that it was fine for some of the songs to be less good than I might otherwise prefer (though I think almost all of them are at least pretty good). Jonathan Mann, who has written a song every day for 14 years running, estimates that “70% are mediocre, 20% suck and 10% are awesome.” Sitting down with my list of 52 songs and ranking them, I did the math and found that I think 33% are great, 37% are good, 19% are mediocre and 11% are bad. I’m pretty happy with those numbers!
  • Whenever I felt stuck, I almost always found that switching things up helped inspire me. I’d play around on different instruments, try writing to loops in GarageBand, go to a different location to write, etc. It really helps.
  • Songwriting boosts my self-esteem! I admire great songwriters and their craft a lot, and it makes me feel so good about myself to write songs that I think are good. All the more reason to do it more often! I think this was also largely the reason I never really “half-assed” a song during this challenge – any time I considered taking the “easy way out” (like writing a song that was really simple, bad, or based on a song I’d written before), I knew I’d be disappointed with myself if I did that, so I didn’t.
  • Creativity requires rest. The resting phase is part of the creative process, not separate from it. After I write a song, I typically need to take at least a few days off from trying to write another one, or it just won’t work. I can use that time to “refill the well” by consuming media on a broad range of topics that might later inspire a song.

 

Q. What are your favorite songs from the challenge?

A. Sorry, they’re my babies; I refuse to pick just one. Instead, I will pick eight.

 

Q. But your whole thing is that you write about sex. What are the sexiest/kinkiest songs from the challenge?

A. If you want sexy and sex-adjacent, you want these:

 

Q. Are you going to keep writing and recording a song a week?

A. I actually have been. I don’t know how long I’ll continue it, but I felt a little sad that the challenge was ending and decided there was no reason I had to stop if I didn’t want to. You can always see the latest ones on my YouTube!