Where I Keep My Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

I’ve written about my sex toy storage situation before, but that was over a year ago and a lot has changed. My collection has grown significantly bigger, to the point that I had to pick up an additional small set of drawers at Ikea to keep it all in.

I will warn you right now that these pictures are MESSY. I have no discipline for neatness! But at least the system is functional: I can always find what I’m looking for.

This is the top drawer of my plastic set of drawers. It contains favorites that I reach for often: my Patchy Paul, Lelo Siri, VixSkin Mustang, NobEssence Fling, Pure Wand, Acute, and a few others. The Sqweel is in there, not because I use it a ton, but because when I’m craving it, I want it immediately.

This next drawer is chaotic as hell. It contains all my Kegel toys and anal toys, plus lube samples, bullet vibes, and a huge amount of toy-cleaning wipes left over from the days when I used to receive stuff from an unethical sex shop that shall not be named.

Some of the few toys you can actually see in this photo: the Magic Banana, small Ripple, Eclipse balls, and Icicles no. 26. You’ll notice that most of the silicone ones are wrapped in plastic bags – that’s to prevent them from gathering lint.

The next drawer is a large one, so I use it for one of the most well-represented categories in my sex toy collection: silicone dildos. On top, you can see the Maverick, Curve, Raquel, Leoweenie, and El Diablo. There are several more layers of dildos beneath those.

Again, I mostly keep these wrapped in plastic bags to prevent lint from getting all over them (and to keep the lower-quality ones from potentially melting into each other). I keep some of my VixSkin toys in their original plastic tubes, because they’re kind of cool, but it’s not the most practical solution because of how much space it takes up.

The bottom drawer of my plastic set isn’t pictured, because it’s currently jammed and won’t open up all the way (?), but incase you were wondering, it contains condoms, porn DVDs, and some naked Instax photos of my friends and I.

Over to the metal set of drawers. The top one is for vibrators I don’t use very often, if at all. You can see the Stronic Eins (which should probably be upgraded to my “favorites” drawer, honestly), LayaSpot, Personal Pleasurizer, Ocean, Turbo Glider, and Iconic Rabbit. There are also lots of Lelo vibes in there that are in their storage bags, like the Gigi, Gigi 2, and Lyla 2.

The next drawer is for dildos made of unusual (i.e. non-silicone) materials. For example, I’ve got the glass Amethyst and Large Smiley, some wood toys by Knotty Wood Arts, the aluminum Revolve, the ceramic Pleasure, and the stainless steel Fun Wand. These are all toys that I don’t use very often, but it’s nice to pull them out every once in a while.

The next drawer is supposed to be for harnesses and anything else I might need for strap-on play. In this photo, all that’s in there is my RodeoH harness and the paraphernalia that came with it, but soon I’ll be keeping my new Bend Over Beginner kit in there too. (I also have a dream that one day I will own an Aslan Jaguar, but for now, no such luck!)

This drawer is for men’s toys (and a random We-Vibe charger?), the Fleshlight STU and VerSpanken. My boyfriend recently moved into a new living situation that’s got more privacy and storage space than where he used to live, so he’ll probably take these to his own place soon… Well, he’ll take the Fleshlight, anyway. I’m pretty sure he wishes I would just throw the VerSpanken in the garbage.

This drawer currently contains only my enema. I’m not sure yet what else should go in here. Any ideas? Leave ‘em in the comments!

The bottom drawer is reserved for massager-style vibes. You can see my antique 1960s vibrator as well as my Bodywand, Fairy Mini Wand, and Lelo Smart Wand. I also have a Hitachi, Wahl, and Eroscillator, but those are kept next to my bed.

Other things I keep next to my bed at all times: several different kinds of lube and whatever toy(s) I am currently testing for review. Above my bed, on a curtain rod, all my paddles are hanging.

How do you store your sex toys? Are they organized, or are they kind of all over the place? Do you have any suggestions for how I can improve or change my system?

Book Review: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book

Kate Sloan

I’ve wanted to read The Whole Lesbian Sex Book ever since a friend of mine brought a copy to an LGBT conference we attended in high school and the two of us pored over new-to-us information about different types of orgasms and different ways to achieve them. I was over the moon when Cleis Press offered me my choice of books to review, because I’ve always loved their smart, sexy, informative tomes. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was first on my list.

Let it be said, first off, that I’m not a lesbian. I’m a bisexual, I’m in a long-term relationship with a cis guy, and I have passing-for-straight privilege for sure. Although my perspective might be different from the average reader of this book, there’s still a lot I can learn and have learned from it – and indeed, I think this would be a great read for anyone who has sex with women, is a woman, is interested in female sexuality, or some combination thereof. This isn’t so much a book about lesbian sex as it is a book about having sex with women or as a woman or both.

And let me tell you, it does a wonderful job of that. This is a huge departure from male-written or male-oriented sex guides. Emphasis is placed on things that matter to women: the clitoris is regarded as the centre of our sexuality, non-orgasmic sex is presented as every bit as viable and valid as orgasmic sex, and the emotional and psychological barriers to good sex are discussed in depth, just to name a few examples of how wonderfully woman-oriented this book is. (That’s not to say these things aren’t also important to men – just that they are traditionally excluded from male-directed sex education resources.)

Felice Newman is a fabulous writer: non-judgmental, caring, and obviously passionate about women’s sexuality. I love that she rarely uses words like “normal” – her book normalizes a whole host of healthy sexual behaviors that people often feel unfounded guilt about. That’s exactly what a sex-positive guide should do.

Some of the chapters in this book offer practical advice on sexual techniques – “Breast Play,” “Clitoral Play,” “Vaginal Penetration,” et cetera. Some of them cover more abstract or complex topics – “Desire and Fantasy,” “Communication and Finding Sex Partners,” “Gender (Not Destiny),” and so on. In every chapter, you’ll find information that would be useful to sexual novices (“Many women enjoy clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal or anal penetration”) as well as information that will interest a more advanced reader.

Newman’s writing is interspersed with quotes from real queer women who responded to her surveys. These, too, have a normalizing effect: it’s fun and validating to see that one’s own experiences, even the weirder ones, have been shared by other women.

I was surprised to note that the book is pretty inclusive of trans people – both trans men and trans women. There is an entire chapter about gender but trans-relevant information is also sprinkled throughout. The lesbian feminist community has sometimes been known to exclude trans folks from their discourse, but this book is on the ball about that stuff, providing info about what kind of stimulation might work for different types of bodies and what the partners of trans people ought to know about how to have sex in a way that respects and pleasures their partners.

Likewise, the book also welcomes with open arms people with disabilities and queer women who have sex with men. I always love when lesbian sex resources acknowledge that some queer women have sex with men, because different considerations need to be taken into account for those women and it can suck to feel excluded because of who you have sex with.

Overall I’m really thrilled with The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. It’s one of the most exhaustive sex guides I’ve ever read (second only, perhaps, to The Guide to Getting It On, which is comparatively very heteronormative). If you like sex with ladies, or you’re a lady who likes sex, or you want to better understand lady-sex, this is undoubtedly the book for you.

Thank you so much to Cleis Press for the book!

Clothing Review: International Fisting Day T-Shirt

Kate Sloan

I have never been fisted. I have never fisted anyone. But this T-shirt was just too awesome to pass up.

International Fisting Day, if you don’t know, is an annual day created by Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee. It not only celebrates fisting but also rebels against the laws that consider fisting in porn “obscene.” It’s an all-around fantastic cause, even if you yourself have no interest in fisting being a part of your personal sexuality.

The design on this shirt is by Nomy Lamm. It features a bluish fist penetrating a pink and red heart-shaped orifice. The text is pretty big and obvious, so I’m not sure where I’ll be able to wear this shirt, other than maybe a sex blogger meet-up or a Crush Party – but I’d still feel proud to own this tee even if I could only wear it to sleep in.

The shirt comes in lots of different colors, fits, and styles. I ordered the “girly fit” in heather grey. The design is printed on American Apparel tees, which I find are pretty true-to-size. (Mine, pictured above, is a ladies’ large.) Among other types of clothing, it’s available in a super cute “baseball tee” style which looks great on Courtney Trouble!

As with all the AA shirts I’ve ever owned, this one is soft and flattering. The sleeves come down to the middle of my upper arm and don’t squeeze my chubby biceps. I might cut off the neck because I tend to do that with T-shirts (high round necks just don’t do it for me) but most normal people will like it just fine.

International Fisting Day is coming up on the 21st, but if you buy a shirt now, you’ll be able to commemorate your love of fisting forever!

I was not compensated in any way for writing this post. I just wanted to spread the word about Fisting Day.

Review: Tantus Curve

Kate Sloan

The Tantus Curve is the general practitioner of dildos. It can fulfill your most basic of dildo needs, halfway and perfunctorily, but if you have a specific wish you want a dildo to grant, you’ll probably need a referral to a specialist.

Want G-spot stimulation that’ll make your knees quiver? Check out the Adam O2 or Acute. Want to give your A-spot a good strokin’? Try the Tsunami. Craving a ton of texture? The Splash and Charmer have got you covered.

The Curve can meet all of these needs; it just doesn’t do any of them all that well. It might be a good choice for you if you use your dildos a lot of different ways but don’t have the cash to buy a different one for each purpose – but if that doesn’t describe you, you’re probably better off spending your money on a different dildo.

The Curve is average-sized: 6″ long and 1 3/8″ in diameter. The tapered tip makes it easy and comfortable to insert. It’s an ideal size for a warm-up dildo and would also make a great pegging tool for someone who can handle its moderate girth.

It reminds me of a dragon or dinosaur dick. This is probably the closest thing I’ll ever own to a Bad Dragon dildo. While its appearance makes it usable for some kind of medieval-creature fantasy, once it’s inside my vagina, it just feels like a regular ol’ human-cock dildo.

The Curve’s base is sturdy, thick, and wide – ideal for harnesses or anal play. The base comes to a soft triangular peak in the front, for which I discovered a cool use: if I hold my Hitachi against the bottom and smush the triangle into my clit, I can get off from the conducted vibrations. This is technically doable with most dildos, yes, but the triangle peak seems to focus the vibrations onto my clit better than a classic round base.

The gentle ripples along the shaft aren’t really noticeable for me when they’re inside me. However, the coronal ridge under the head of the dildo is a little more major, and feels good on my G-spot. It isn’t amazing, though. This is not a wicked intense G-spot dildo by any means. Even Tantus’ own Acute does a better job of that.

So the Curve doesn’t knock my socks off. That’s okay. It’s still a solid, basic dildo that I think will meet a lot of people’s needs, even if it didn’t impress me much.

Thank you, Tantus, for sending me this toy!

Adventures in Multiple Orgasms

Kate Sloan

I’m only in my early twenties but sometimes I feel like my sexual function is already going downhill.

When I first learned to masturbate to completion as a child, I usually had at least two orgasms per bathtime jerk-off session – sometimes as many as four. When I became sexually active at sixteen, my partner and I would have marathon sessions in which I’d have up to five orgasms, solely from oral and maybe a little finger penetration. These figures amaze me when I look back at them now, but I have journal entries and meticulously-kept orgasm charts to prove they’re true. (Uh, I was a weird kid.)

See, I’m a pretty mono-orgasmic person these days, meaning that I’m a one-and-done kind of gal. I can continue having sex after I get off, and I usually do, but I don’t want to come any more. It always just seems like too much work, both for me and for my partner.

Once in a while, my boyfriend will manage to coax me into going for a second orgasm. After getting me off orally, he’ll wander around the periphery of my vulva, letting it calm down a little – and then he’ll slowly meander back toward my clit. And with a lot of sweating, muscle-tensing, and heavy breathing from both of us, sometimes we can conjure an orgasm numero dos. After about 40 minutes. Maybe.

But this sucks. As a woman, I’ve internalized the idea that multiple orgasms are my birthright and set me apart from men (despite the fact that my boyfriend has actually been known to get off twice per session). So, in my desire to expand my capacity for pleasure and to feel more like a “normal” woman, I’ve been practicing my multiple orgasms. I’ve been bringing myself off and then pushing through my feelings of reluctance, exhaustion and satisfaction until I get to the second orgasm on the other side. And it’s working.

Incase you were wondering, here are some of my best tips on how one-and-done chicks can turn themselves into multi-orgasmic powerhouses:

1. Start soft and small; then, increase stimulation from there. If I use a Hitachi for my first orgasm, there’s little chance of me having a second one, because I’ll be numb by then. I like to start with as little stimulation as possible – maybe a small or medium dildo in my vag and just my fingers on my clit – and then increase the amount of stimulation with each subsequent orgasm, to ensure it’ll happen. I save jackhammer vibes and giant dildos for late in the game, when I need something extra to push me over the edge.

2. Increase mental stimulation too. I am not normally one to fantasize, nor do I watch porn or read erotica all that often. But if I’m going to attempt to have a zillion orgasms, my mind needs to be engaged along with my body, or it just won’t work. Lately I’m obsessed with explicit New Girl fanfiction, but whatever gets you hot is fine, obviously. It’s a whole lot easier for me to reach orgasm, even my third or fourth one, if I’m watching Dylan Ryan plough somebody or reading killer erotica or, uh, fantasizing about Nick Miller. (Whatever, man, don’t judge!)

3. Don’t dive right back into it. Ugh – nothing turns me off faster than trying to attack my clit when I’ve just had an orgasm. I’m all like, “Ow! Fuck! What?! No!” and then I feel like I never want to touch myself again. Refractory periods are a reality and it’s important to be aware of how long yours typically lasts. Mine is usually about a minute or two, so if I can keep my sexual energy up during that time without actually touching my clit, I’ll be golden.

4. Make sure you’re awake and alert. Orgasms make most people feel kind of sleepy; it’s all those yummy neurotransmitters coming out to play. And while that’s nice for insomniacs and post-sex cuddlers, it’s not the most convenient thing for those of us who want to keep going after we get off. So pick a time when you’re feeling well-rested and ready to face the day, not a time when one lousy orgasm could obviously lead you into dreamland.

Can you have multiple orgasms? Did you have to learn how to do it, or did it come naturally? Any words of wisdom for those of us trying to learn?