Review: Jopen Key Comet Wand

Kate Sloan

The Jopen Key Comet Wand is the must-have sex toy of 2013.

Yeah, I said it.

In previous years, everyone clamored over intriguing G-spot treasures like the Njoy Pure Wand, VixSkin Mustang, and Lelo Ella. And while I still love those toys, their time in the limelight is more-or-less over. The Comet Wand is the hot new star on the scene.

It has what is widely considered the holy trifecta of epic G-spot stimulation: a severe curve, a big bulbous head, and unrelenting firmness. This combination works for many people but you’ll want to look at your past experiences with G-spot toys to figure out if the Comet Wand is right for you. Some people have issues with curved toys catching on their pubic bone during thrusting, for example.

The Comet Wand is also too girthy for beginners, and even sometimes for me. It’s 1 ½" across at the widest point, and is 100% firm with no give whatsoever, so it’s certainly not a wimp, size-wise (but it’s not huge either).

That said, if your anatomy can contend with the Comet Wand’s size and curve, and if you like G-spot stimulation, you will freak the fuck out over this toy, guaranteed.

It provides some of the most intense G-spot sensations I’ve ever, ever encountered. I don’t squirt, but I can tell that if I did, this toy would be the catalyst of some very messy adventures. It feels so astonishingly good that sometimes I set down my clitoral vibe mid-session and just luxuriate in the sensations emanating from my vagina. That is not something that happens often for me.

The Comet Wand is made of glass dipped in smooth silicone. The glass gives it its firmness, while the silicone stops it from feeling deathly cold when you first touch it to your body. I love this combination of materials, though I will say that this particular formulation of silicone seems to eat lube like nobody’s business. I typically have to reapply at least 2 or 3 times per session. It’s worth it for me, but if you’re stingy with your lube, stay away from this dildo.

The only other real concern I have about the Comet Wand is the seam where the glass part meets the silicone. There’s a small dip that goes all the way around the toy and seems a likely culprit for collecting lube and juices. My G-spot is shallow enough that I haven’t ever needed to insert the Comet Wand that far, but liquids could still conceivably drip down into that crack, so get out your old toothbrush when it’s time for cleaning.

Other than those few issues, though… the Comet Wand is pretty close to perfect. It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina. When sex toy reviewers look back on 2013 in a few years, they’ll think of the Comet.

Are You Shitting Properly?

Kate Sloan

I will warn you right now that this post is only minimally related to sex. For some of you, your butt is integral to your sex life; for others of you, the two barely register as connected. So this post is, as you might expect, for people of the former category.

I was recently made aware that I’ve been shitting wrong. I watched a video on the Squatty Potty, a stool (like, the furniture type of stool – not the fecal type!) that helps you align your body correctly for optimal elimination. The video, as it turns out, isn’t just marketing mumbo-jumbo – it’s actually based in fact. The human body is not designed to shit in an upright sitting position; we’re meant to shit while squatting.

The design of modern Western toilets was purportedly slapped together by dudes who had no knowledge of physiology, which explains why this design just doesn’t gel with our bodies’ natural inclinations. Our poorly-designed toilets make pooping a challenge for us, which can lead to problems like anal fissures and bowel cancer.

So how do you rectify (ha – rectum, rectify) this issue? Apparently one of the easiest and best ways to shit better (other than switching to a hole in the ground for your defecatory needs) is to put some kind of stool or box in front of your toilet, so that when you sit down, your feet are just a little bit below ass level. This allows you to simulate the squatting position, so your inner workings are properly supported and your shit comes out more easily and cleanly.

I’ve tried this a few times – you know, for science – and it really works. I’ve never particularly been a “problem shitter,” but it definitely feels a lot easier and, yeah, more natural when I prop up my feet with something 8-10 inches tall.

And we all know that shitting well is a great thing, if just because it allows you to use awesome butt toys more often.

Review: Leaf Spirit

Kate Sloan

Leaf is a company that tries desperately to market their toys as eco-friendly. First of all, they’re green, which looks cute as hell but doesn’t actually change their ecological footprint as far as I’m aware. Secondly, they’re rechargeable… like many, many other toys out there. And thirdly, they have a couple of other nice environmentally-conscious touches, like post-consumer recycled packaging and a natural canvas storage bag. If you’re eco-conscious, these vibes might appeal to you, but there’s really not that much setting them apart from any other rechargeable vibrator.

The one I chose, the Leaf Spirit, has a divine shape, which is what drew me to it. It’s tiny, curves to fit easily against my vulval mound, and has a gently pointed tip that my clit loves. It’s the kind of vibe that works well for use during missionary-style sex, because it fits so perfectly between bodies.

Aside from that, though, there isn’t much to love about the Spirit. Its motor, in particular, is hugely disappointing to me. At its highest speed, I’d say it’s comparable with the middle speeds of the Lelo Siri or maybe the lowest speed of the We-Vibe Tango. Translation: this is not for clits-o’-steel or even clits-o’-calcite.

Don’t get me wrong – the vibrations of the Spirit are nice (not so buzzy as to be numbing, yay!), they’re just not quite strong enough for me. If you find yourself staying on the low-to-middling speeds of your current vibrator (assuming it’s not the Hitachi or the Wahl, of course) then you might enjoy Leaf toys. I was able to reach orgasm with my Spirit once, but it took a long time and I had to pair it with a great G-spot dildo, which wouldn’t have been necessary with a vibe of passable strength.

The way the Spirit’s speed-changing mechanism works is kind of cool, if perhaps foreign to most toy users. You press its one button once to turn it on, and then hold it down any time you want to turn up the power. At any time, you can press it once to turn it off. This can be frustrating if you’re extremely accustomed to a different system, but I found it wasn’t that hard to get used to.

The Spirit has the added benefits of being waterproof and quiet, though I have to qualify that even if those are important criteria for you, the We-Vibe Tango is still better.

At about $120 depending on the store, the Leaf Spirit is ridiculously overpriced for a toy that really doesn’t deliver in the vibrations department. But if your clit is ultra-sensitive and you dig the sweet green aesthetic of Leaf toys, you might not be as disappointed as I was.

Review: Power VIP

Kate Sloan

Little information is available on the internet about the Power VIP vibrator. I got mine for $13 in JT’s Stockroom’s clearance section, where it’s known as the “Power Oscillator” – obviously intended to evoke my all-time favorite sex toy, the Eroscillator.

The toy arrived in an excessively large box which contained only the base unit and four attachments – no instructions. I looked up the toy’s distributor, Miko Exoticwear, hoping to get some information from them about the product’s origins and uses, but apparently Miko closed in 2008. I guess this explains why the Power VIP is listed as discontinued on many sites, and has ended up in the Stockroom clearance bin.

If you know a little about sex toys, you probably know that the Eroscillator is unparalleled. I don’t mean that it’s necessarily the greatest toy in the world – some people just don’t like it and don’t understand what the hype is about – but that there is truly no other toy like it. A few companies have attempted to make similar oscillating toys (oscillations, unlike vibrations, don’t cause numbness and tend to feel deeper), but these competitors have been massive failures. Naturally, the Power VIP is no different.

First off, the attachments. The box the toy came in (which is my only source of information about this product, given the lack of an instruction manual) says that they are made of a “hygienic fully washable material.” I have to wonder if this copywriter thought the only criteria for being hygienic is being washable; this is obviously a dysfunctional criteria, as even a rabid raccoon could be considered “hygienic” by these standards.

The attachments smell like horse manure. They seem to be made of some sort of rubber but I’m not sure. The strangest thing, though, is that none of the attachments are purportedly designed to be used on the clitoris. One of them is a “tongue” made for “all-over body massage,” one is a “plug” made for “vaginal and anal stimulation,” one is a “breast stimulator with nipple cup,” and one is intended for the G-spot. Surely this toy was designed by a man, one who is so out of touch with female anatomy and the sex toy world that he managed to completely forget about the clit.

My favorite attachment is the “plug.” It’s cylindrical and has little nubs all over it. I like it because it stimulates my entire clitoral shaft, and it seems to conduct the vibrations the best.

Did I say “vibrations”? Yes, I did. There’s no evidence that this toy actually oscillates. But, to its credit, it doesn’t actually claim to be an oscillator – only JT’s Stockroom slapped that label on it. The VIP’s box calls the toy a vibrator, so don’t be too disappointed that that’s exactly what it is.

The vibrations are, surprisingly, passable. There are only two settings, high and low. Low is laughably weak, but high is actually a nice speed that can bring me to orgasm in just a few minutes, rumbly enough that it doesn’t leave me numb.

The VIP is rechargeable, so you can’t expect the power of a plug-in vibrator, but it’s okay for what it is. But speaking of rechargeability… The VIP has a green light which turns on when it’s charging, but never seems to turn off. Even when I charge the damn thing for over 12 hours, that light remains on, so I never know if the toy is done charging or not. Needless to say, this is aggravating.

What little promotional material I’ve been able to find online about the Power VIP has claimed that it can last for up to 90 minutes on a charge (45 minutes on the high setting, which is the one I use 99% of the time). It’s certainly not going to break any records for best battery life, but it holds its charge pretty well when not in use.

While the Power VIP isn’t the worst vibrator I’ve ever used, I’m pissed that it’s advertised as an “oscillator” when it obviously can’t even live up to my love, let alone actually oscillate. Let this be a lesson to you, as if you didn’t already know: the clearance bin isn’t a good place to find the next toy that’ll rock your world.

Sharing the Sexy #16

Kate Sloan

• “Just say no to porous materials,” says Ash Russell. YES!

• Toronto photographer Michèle Pearson Clarke is doing a photography project wherein queer women hold hands with an ex-partner who they’re no longer friends with. This looks wonderful, and I would dearly love to get in touch with my ex to see if she’d be interested, except I’m pretty sure she hates me now…

• Speaking of Toronto, the Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair is coming up on February 9th. See you there!

• Here’s a lovely piece about the death of the founder of PFLAG.

• One more victory for marriage equality! Yay!

• Rachel Rabbit White writes about Christian women who act as womb surrogates for gay men who want children. The adversity faced by the woman in the story is shocking, though I guess it shouldn’t be at this point. Religious extremists will always find a way to twist scripture to suit themselves.

• Here’s an article on how to have Skype sex. I’ve tried it a few times and it felt weird to me, but I guess I just need practice.