How I Get Through the Winter with Seasonal Depression

Kate Sloan

Here in Toronto, we’ve just turned back our clocks to mark the end of Daylight Savings Time, and if you’re prone to seasonal depression like I am, you might be worried that those low moods are just around the corner (or are already here). I know I always get a little nervous when the time changes, afraid of the possibility of descending into a black cloud of depression as I have during some previous winters.

However, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is my oldest mental health diagnosis, so I’ve had over 15 years to hone my methods of getting through the most difficult season. Here are some suggestions I have for other folks who struggle with SAD or who just find that their mood tends to dip when it’s cold and gloomy out.

 

Therapy, meds, etc. If these things help you, or if you think they might, now is a great time to make use of them, or to re-commit to them after some time away. I have a trauma therapist who I speak with every 2 weeks and I’ve been on a daily dose of Wellbutrin for a few years, and both of those things have helped my mood and energy levels immeasurably.

Supplements. Vitamin D is the obvious one, to compensate for the lower levels you might be taking in if you’re spending more time indoors. I also take iron pills because I’m anaemic and they help a lot with my energy, and in the past I’ve sometimes found that 5-HTP helped boost my mood. This is also an especially good time to get some bloodwork done so your doctor can determine whether there are other vitamins and nutrients you could use some more of.

Light therapy. One of the treatments that’s been most conclusively proven to help with seasonal depression is the use of a SAD lamp, and it’s also one of the things that’s personally helped me most, in terms of both energy and mood.

The brand I would most recommend for this is Day-Light: they made my first SAD lamp, which my parents bought me in 2006 and which lasted me for over a decade without even needing to replace the bulbs! I used to keep it on my nightstand so I could blast myself in the face with light immediately upon awaking every day, which helped a lot with the extreme morning grogginess I experience in the winter.

Eventually I upgraded to a newer model, the Day-Light Sky Bright (cute name), and I truly love it. Its body and neck are slim enough that it fits in nicely behind my computer monitor and can shine down on me while I’m working at my desk. I also have a small, travel-sized SAD lamp that I use when I’m staying at my partner’s house. Generally the recommended “dosage” is 30-60 minutes of sitting in front of the light (but not looking directly at it) every morning in the winter, but check with your doctor and read the instructions of your particular lamp to see if their recommendations differ from that.

Stay active, physically and socially. Sure, exercise helps with mood and energy, but I also mean stay socially active if you can – go out, see friends or family, attend events you’re excited about, etc. if you feel able to do so. (I know COVID safety protocols make this tricky, but do your best.) Social connection can work wonders for depression, and while it’s easy for a depressed person to fall into a vicious cycle of thinking no one wants to see you and therefore never trying to see anyone, it’s worth making an effort to stay in touch with your loved ones throughout the winter, even if just via phone calls or Zoom chats. I often find that having plans keeps me more physically active as well because I tend to walk to wherever I’m meeting up with my pal(s).

Stay warm. Related to the above point, I’ve found in some previous years that the thought of going out in the cold was so absolutely despair-generating for me that I often couldn’t even face it. What has helped me most with that problem is buying better winter gear, so that even while I’m trudging through snow on a grey day, I feel relatively cozy. Shearling-lined Bean boots, a goose-down coat and a super-warm knit beanie are all must-haves for me in the winter.

Dress bright. While I’m talking about clothes – I’ve had a loud, bright personal style since I was a kid and I think winter is an especially important time for it. I just can’t be sad (or at least, can’t be as sad) when I’m wearing a dress with a wild, colorful print on it, or blue metallic Doc Martens, or hot pink lipstick with teal eyeshadow. A nice thing about doing this is that you’ll brighten up the days of anyone who sees you, too!

Get excited about something. It’s hugely useful for me to have some kind of “project” or “obsession” that propels me through the winter. Sometimes this has been an old TV show I’ve marathon-watched in its entirety over a month or two and then started reading/writing fanfiction for. Sometimes it’s been working my way through several books by a particular great author, like Oliver Sacks or Stephen King. Sometimes it’s been embarking on a creative project like writing a book, learning to paint, or recording an album at home. Whatever you decide to focus on can be helpful because depression so often saps us of our passions, and that phenomenon can be actively fought against by seeking out new passions and committing to them.

Get your sleep schedule in order. Sleep is vital to our overall functioning, and I find this is especially true when I’m already struggling, whether mentally or physically or both. I always wear a great eye mask to block out light when I sleep, and use a white noise app to play soothing, monotonous sounds that drown out the construction noise and cat-yowling that might otherwise awaken me before I want to be awakened. Some people also find it helpful to take melatonin at night and/or to phase out caffeine.

 

Fellow SAD-sufferers, what helps you most with the bleakness of winter?

Great News: My Books Are Finally Available as Ebooks!!

Kate Sloan

As an e-reader devotee, I totally understood when folks started asking me about ebook availability back when each of my two books were launched. Not only can e-readers be more convenient (say, if you happen to finish the book you’re reading on a long-haul flight and want to start another one right away so you don’t die of boredom) – they can also be more accessible for people with various disabilities and conditions who struggle to read, or hold, a physical book. And I want my books to be accessible to the highest number of people possible, naturally!

In some ways I understand why my publisher, Laurence King, decided to hold off on making these tomes into ebooks initially: they are beautifully laid out, especially 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, which is illustrated by the wonderful Ewa Żak. And of course, you can’t spank somebody with an ebook, at least not unless you have a particularly permissive warranty on your e-reader. But I’m glad that they nonetheless eventually put out these books in electronic form, because now more people can read them. Read on for all the info!

101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

This book is, arguably, my magnum opus. I never thought, when I began my career as a sex writer over a decade ago, that I’d write an in-depth introduction to kink and BDSM for beginners – and yet somehow I ended up doing exactly that.

This book is the intro I wish I’d had when I first started wondering, “Am I kinky?” It’s packed with practical information about safety, negotiation, and aftercare, but more compellingly, it contains write-ups on literally 101 different kinks, fetishes, and fun kink-adjacent activities. Whether you’re into kinks that are often considered more “mild,” like spanking or using nipple clamps, or kinks that fall more on the “wild” side of the spectrum, like electrostimulation and erotic hypnosis, there’s plenty in here that you’ll find useful and inspiring.

Every chapter contains a description of what the kink is, why some people find it hot, and how to do it in a way that respects the physical and emotional safety of both you and your partner(s). There are also three “Try This!” suggestions at the end of each chapter which offer concrete ways that you can incorporate that kink into your sex life tonight. Where possible, I’ve provided suggestions that will work solo, too, not just in a partnered scenario – so if you’re kinky or kink-curious and want to pick up some tips, this book is for you, regardless of whether you’re single or partnered, sexually active or not.

The book also contains definitions of many kink lexicon terms that you’ll find useful, especially as you start to build community with other kinksters locally or online. And there’s a big list of resources at the end of the book – podcasts, websites, videos, other books, etc. – if you want to learn more about particular kinks and kink-related issues.

I’m thrilled to report that Ewa’s delightful illustrations are included in the ebook, too, so you won’t be denied their beauty if you go the electronic route. Yay!

200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

It was certainly daunting when Laurence King Publishing asked me to compile a book of 200 sex-and-gender-related words and their definitions, especially since those terms are ever-evolving. But after a lot of thought, finessing, and research, I put together a book I’m proud of.

From big-picture concepts like gender roles, patriarchy, and sexual attraction, to more specific and lesser-known notions like bioessentialism, gender euphoria and demisexuality, this book is packed with helpful definitions that can help you better understand not only your own sexuality and gender, but those of the people in your life.

It’s always a good thing to expand your horizons in these areas, because sexuality and gender are two aspects of identity that can shape our lives in massive ways. This book is also meant to be a catalyst for conversations, whether you buy a copy for an out-of-touch relative to ease the process of coming out to them, flip through the pages with a partner who’s unsure which labels they want to use for themselves, or gift it to a teen in your life who seems to be struggling with their identity.

 

As ever, thanks for reading – this blog, my books, or both – and I hope you enjoy! 💜

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 10 of 12

Kate Sloan

Song 41/52: “Go Deeper”

Lyrics:

Breathe in some fresh air and breathe out all your cares and keep breathing
And notice the thoughts that are passing, arising, repeating
And let them all go, because deep down, you know that you’re safe
And inside your mind, you can certainly find a nice place

Let your eyes fall closed if they want to
Feel your spine – it’s strong and it’s got you
Feel your mind melting as it tries not to

Chorus:
Go deeper now
Doesn’t matter how
Just go deeper now
Let your thoughts drift away like a cloud

And if it feels good, then maybe you should let it take you
It’s easier, so just give in and let go of what ails you
Your arms getting heavy, along with your legs and your chest
And if you relax, it is simply a fact that you’ll rest

Who knows where your mind disappears to?
If you call it back, it’ll hear you
But we both know you’re really just here to…

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I was deep in trance during a hypnokink scene when the idea entered my mind that I should write a song that is a hypnotic induction. It felt like such an important idea that I said it out loud to my spouse through the fuzzy fogginess of trance, so that I might remember the idea later on. And I did!

Incidentally, a few days before that, I had watched this video about a chord progression that’s apparently super popular in Japanese music but isn’t widely used in Western music (although, notably, both of Rick Astley’s best-known songs – “Together Forever” and the infamous “Never Gonna Give You Up” – use this progression, as does the Silk Sonic banger “Leave the Door Open”). I’d made a note of it incase I wanted to use it for a song at some point. I thought it made sense to use it for this hypnotic song because it’s a progression that never resolves to the home chord of the key, which gives it this strange feeling of perpetual unfinishedness and driftiness, like being in trance.

I wrote some lyrics for the first verse and prechorus, and then sang them over the progression – and then I improvised the chorus after that, and liked how it came out so I kept it.

Song 42/52: “I’d Marry You Again”

Lyrics:

I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when
Walk down another aisle
Hey, why not? It’s been a while

No need to have it catered
Don’t need a decorator
And tell our friends and family that we’ll see ya later

Just wanna say those vows
We already know how

I’d marry you once more
And meet you out on the dance floor
I’d throw a bright bouquet
Just like I did back on that day

There’s no RSVPing
It’s all about the feeling
Don’t mean to be repetitive, but it is worth repeating:

I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when

 

Songwriting diary:

I had tweeted a few days before writing this song about how I still regularly have the momentary thought that I’d like to marry my partner before remembering we already did that. I just love them so much, and wanted to marry them so much before we did it, that my mind evidently still clings onto that as a beloved goal even though it’s already happened. It’s nice.

So, with that in mind, I started improvising words while plucking a minimalistic little ukulele part, and the beginning of this song came out. I built it from there, pulling from online lists of wedding-related tropes and traditions to fill out the rest of the lyrics. It’s a pretty short song (actually it’s the shortest one I’ve done for this challenge), but that’s nice sometimes!

Song 43/52: “Every Morning”

Lyrics:

Is love hard, or has love just been hard before?
My guard is up, but I don’t wanna be guarded anymore

Chorus:
Every morning, you say “I love you”
And every morning, I say “I love you too”
That’s just what we do

My dream love never quite looked the way this does
But my dream, love, was a dream for who I thought I was

(repeat chorus)

Back then, my heart would stop and start
Hot and cold, highs and lows
Then you came ’round; I’m safe and sound
In the now, ’cause I know:

(repeat chorus)

Every morning that I’m in your arms
Is a morning when I thank my lucky stars

 

Songwriting diary:

I was very frustrated this week at my apparent lack of success in writing a song. It was Friday night and I’d polished up 2-3 songs I’d been writing over the past few weeks, but didn’t really like any of them (one was about tattoos, one about gender and one about impostor syndrome). I wrote in a song earlier this year that “the songs never have to be good; they just have to get done,” and while that’s true, there have definitely been several songs this year that I’ve ostensibly finished but haven’t felt good enough about to include as part of this challenge. I always wanted to push myself to write something better instead, which is what happened this week.

I was messing around with my favorite voicing of the Fmajor7 chord on the ukulele and found a rhythmic way of finger-picking it that was very evocative to me, and so I started improvising a vocal line over it. I had just guested on my spouse’s podcast earlier that day, and one of the things we talked about was how I always imagined I’d end up with a writer, actor, visual artist, or other artsy type when I got older, but mb’s personality and brain are creatively oriented even though they’re not in one of those conventionally artsy fields. (Software development definitely involves a lot of creativity!) So I guess I was in a mood to marvel at how our love story turned out so different from what I’d envisioned all those years and is somehow nonetheless exactly what I needed.

Song 44/52: “Grandmaster”

Lyrics:

I don’t know how you bring out the best in us
There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us
I take your thoughts as gifts and as gospel truth
Though my family worries that I might be wasting my youth

But it’s not a waste
To follow you anyplace
And I’ll follow you home, ’cause you’re the only home I know

Chorus:
‘Cause you’re my grandmaster
And I’m falling faster
Than I ever thought I could
And though they insult what they call a cult
I know that your heart is good
I know that your heart is good

I thought I knew myself before I met you
But all that I knew was the lens I’d been looking through
My world is shifting as I absorb your words
You never listen, but somehow I still feel heard

But that’s just your way
And of course, I am glad to pay
For the privilege of being a prisoner you’re freeing now

(repeat chorus)

If sometimes I question some of your lessons
I’m sorry if I’m out of turn
If I understood it, I’d know that you’re good at
Helping us learn what we need to learn

(repeat chorus)

I think that your heart is good

 

Songwriting diary:

Months ago, the first two lines of this song randomly occurred to me (“I don’t know how you bring out the best in us/ There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us“) and I wrote them down in the music folder of my notes app, not really sure what they were about or when I’d ever be able to use them.

At some point I started watching season 2 of The Vow, which is a show about a New York-based cult called NXIVM that I’ve been fascinated by for a while – I’ve seen a couple of documentary series on it and read a book about it. It occurred to me that those lines sounded like something that one of the cult leader Keith Raniere’s followers might have said about him, and then I decided I wanted to write a song from their perspective. It was partly inspired by “Unworthy of Your Love” from the musical Assassins, specifically the part sung by Squeaky Fromme to her hero and lover Charles Manson, and the way she is clearly so brainwashed and taken in by him. “Grandmaster” is one of the names that Keith Raniere’s followers called him, along with “Vanguard.”

I’m honestly not that happy with this song and it feels like one of the only ones I’ve kind of “phoned in,” but I’m also glad I wrote it and I think there’s some good lines in it. Besides which: the entire point of a challenge like this is to generate new songs, some of which I’m gonna like and some I’m not. It’s a useful lesson in releasing perfectionism and just doing what I can do, every single week.

Can We Please Stop Inviting Freud Into Our Bedrooms?

Kate Sloan

There’s a debate in the sexual sphere that has raged for centuries, and that debate is: Are vaginal orgasms superior to clitoral orgasms? And further: Is everyone with a vagina capable of having vaginal orgasms, or are some of us “doomed” to only have clitoral orgasms – if that – as long as we live?

I find this debate annoying as hell, for three reasons:

  1. It shames a huge amount of people for the way they get off (or don’t get off), which we definitely don’t need more of.
  2. It implies that vulva-bearing bodies are something to be argued about and commentated on by others, when instead we could just listen to those people about how their own bodies work, since they’re the ones who would know.
  3. It’s largely the result of some theories Freud put forth in his day, and he was extremely wrong about a lot of stuff, not to mention frequently misogynist AF.

 

While I won’t deny that Freud was an important and influential figure in the psychology field, and that some of his ideas had merit, his thoughts on vaginal versus clitoral orgasms were utterly unhinged, and unsupported by any legitimate science I’m aware of. He wrote that part of a healthy transition to adulthood for (cis) women was unlearning the “phallic” desire for clitoral orgasms and instead starting to derive all their sexual pleasure from penetration. He believed that if someone remained “fixated” on having clitoral orgasms, it meant that they were repressed and “infantile.”

I suppose at the time, it would’ve been surprising for a stately male doctor to talk about female sexual pleasure at all – and certainly, his theories laid the groundwork for research that was done later on the G-spot and other sites of vaginal pleasure, hence the worldwide proliferation of A-spot dildos and G-spot vibrators, which I am definitely a fan of. (Freud was multilingual, and one wonders what he would’ve thought of these G-punkt-vibratoren and vibratori punto G if he’d been around to see them.)

Many theorists have also argued that the G-spot is part of the clitoris – its internal portion, which is much larger than what we see on the outside of the body – and that’s an interesting point that raises a lot of questions about how pleasure and orgasm function. But by and large, I think Freud really fucked us over with his thoughts on sexuality, especially those focused on the clitoris and vagina, and we’re still seeing the effects of that today.

See, anatomically speaking, the clitoris is analogous to the penis. This means that expecting someone to experience pleasure – let alone orgasm – from sex where their clit is completely ignored is every bit as unreasonable as expecting a person to get off without having their dick touched at all. It certainly happens, but only for a minority of people, plenty of whom still find it easier to come when, y’know, their main sexual pleasure organ is being stimulated.

Freud’s narrative of women “aging out of” clitoral orgasms and somehow magically starting to have vaginal orgasms instead is hyperfocused on heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex. He confabulated upon and romanticized his notion of what penetrative sex “should” be like – i.e. effortlessly, mutually pleasurable for both participants all on its own – instead of listening to people about what that type of sex actually felt like for them. And his views have persevered into a whole new millennium, with mainstream publications and doctors alike still debating clitoral orgasms as if there’s anything less real, less legitimate or less good about them.

 

I’d love if we could fully shift, as a culture, toward viewing the G-spot and other vaginal erogenous zones as being more akin to the prostate than the penis – since, anatomically and pleasure-wise, they are. Many people love prostate stimulation but still need some dick contact if orgasm’s gonna happen, and this is understood to be normal and expected. The same should be true for folks who require clit stimulation in order to get off, which is entirely normal (I’ve seen various studies estimate this is the case for around 70-90% of people with vulvas).

Of course, the main reason this fact hasn’t gained more traction in the dominant culture is that it forces cis men to contend with the fact that their dick alone isn’t a fantastical orgasm-administering magic wand. It requires them to give pleasure intentionally and effortfully, instead of just assuming it’ll happen as a byproduct of seeking their own direct pleasure through intercourse. A lot of people with vaginas have also absorbed this messaging, such that they may feel “broken” or “high-maintenance” for having entirely normal sexual anatomy and sexual desires. Imagine a cis guy guiltily asking his girlfriend, “Hey, I know we don’t really do this, but would you maybe wanna touch my dick sometime? I think it would feel good for me.” This, sadly, is an exact parallel of the situation many sexually active people with vaginas are in.

 

But we don’t have to keep perpetuating this paradigm that tells us our bodies are faulty and our desire for pleasure is annoying or immature. We can decide to look at sex in a new way, one that’s actually supported by science and the anecdotal observations of millions of people around the world. We can kick Freud out of our beds, shouting this message back through the centuries: Our pleasure matters, our pleasure is real, and we can and will pursue our pleasure on our own terms.

Edging, Oysters, & Eyes Wide Shut: My Experiences at Sex Expo & a Lovehoney Press Dinner

Kate Sloan

When I was in my early-to-mid twenties and had just gotten into the sex media biz, I went to as many industry events as my energy levels would allow, and sometimes even more. I scampered around Toronto every year attending screenings and presentations during Feminist Porn Week; I flew to Virginia annually for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit; I spoke on panels and did live podcast recordings at various other conferences and events both local and far-away.

Needless to say, the pandemic changed all that – but I’ve also changed these past few years, becoming even more of an introverted homebody and getting pickier about which events I want to expend my increasingly limited energy on.

In the past few weeks, though, I’ve attended two industry events, both of which were fun and eye-opening. Let’s talk about the sights I saw, delicacies I ate, and goodies I took home from these events!

Sex Expo

The New York-based Sex Expo was one of the first industry events I ever attended, way back in 2015. It’s an interesting blend of industry tradeshow and public-facing sex-ed symposium; there are always tables and booths packed with the latest sexual innovations, as well as informative talks given by superstar sex educators.

Sparkly glass toys from Crystal Delights

I was delighted to see that Crystal Delights was in attendance. They’re a sex toy brand known for their outrageously beautiful glass dildos and butt plugs. I only have one toy from them, the Star Delight, which I adore because it can hit my A-spot with ease, provides firm pressure right where I crave it, and is well-suited to being paired with oral sex. Frankly it was hard to keep myself from splurging on another shiny, sparkly dildo from this high-end brand!

It was also cool to see some of the newest offerings from Blush, a brand that has transformed into one of the industry’s top-quality toymakers over the past few years. Their new line of “wellness”-themed vibrators is especially interesting to me. There’s a vibe in that line called the G Ball which combines vibration with a small ball that moves around under its silicone surface to stimulate your G-spot in a way that would probably feel remarkably similar to being fingered there.

In the same line is a dual-stimulation vibe called the Wellness G Wave. A lot of sex toy companies have been overhauling the entire concept of a dual-stimulation vibrator these past couple years, making ones that are flexible enough to fit a broad range of bodies, like the We-Vibe Nova 2 and SnailVibe, and the G Wave is Blush’s contribution to that category. Each of its two long, bendy arms (which make it look like the pinching emoji 🤏) stimulates a different erogenous zone, and they have enough flex that you can thrust the toy in and out without interrupting your pleasure. Best of all, both of these toys have an astonishingly rumbly motor, which makes all the difference. Cool!

Not to fangirl about Blush too hard, but I also think it’s really awesome that they’ve released a toy called the Power of Love in the colors of the Ukrainian flag, with all proceeds being donated to relief efforts in Ukraine. I was genuinely surprised by how strong and rumbly this little bullet vibe is – and since it’s cheaper than a lot of its direct competitors, like the excellent We-Vibe Tango X, it’s an ideal pick if you want a petite-yet-powerful toy that supports a good cause.

At Sex Expo I also met the minds behind the FirmTech ring, a high-tech cock ring that’s essentially a FitBit for your dick. Apparently it tracks a bunch of factors related to erection quality and overall erectile health. I could see this being a fun product for any penis-owner who’s nerdy about sex, or perhaps for a strict dom/domme to “force” their partner to wear in some kind of medical-adjacent kinky roleplay. They took down my contact info to send my partner one of these rings to try, so maybe I’ll review it sometime in 2023.

Finally, my partner and I attended a talk at the expo given by Daniel Saynt on the topic of edging. He discussed it as a method of mindful masturbation, a way to make self-pleasure feel less goal-oriented and more focused on the journey than the destination. It was a useful reminder to slow down and enjoy the scenery, so to speak.

Lovehoney media preview + dinner

My attention was piqued when I received an invite to an exclusive drinks-and-dinner event hosted by Lovehoney. They’re one of the biggest brands in the biz, especially now that they acquired Womanizer, We-Vibe and Arcwave last year – so I figured this bash was unmissable.

A bunch of journalists gathered in a Lovehoney pop-up shop for delicious drinks. There were east-coast oysters on ice, too – swanky. I perused the shelves full of products while sipping a concoction made of tequila, matcha, and pineapple juice, and chatted with other media-makers: entertainment and travel reporters, a TV anchorperson, and various other interesting people. Two of the sexperts in attendance were Dr. Jess O’Reilly and Bobby Box, both of whom are super smart and do wonderful work, so I was excited to meet them in-person – and they were just as lovely as I thought they’d be.

Toward the end of cocktail hour, the PR staff handed out tote bags to each of us and encouraged us to grab whatever we wanted off the shelves. I love when brands do this at media events, rather than just handing you a bag pre-packed with whatever they want you to have; it’s just so much smarter to let media-makers choose what we’re actually excited about, both for their sake and for ours.

Some of the things I took from the shelves:

  • The Lovehoney Rose clitoral stimulator, another version of the rose toy that went mega-viral on Tiktok a little while ago. I hadn’t gotten around to trying this one despite its massive success and ubiquity, in part because I’ve just tried so many other pressure-wave toys and didn’t particularly need more of them. But when I took the Rose out of its box, I was immediately swayed by how soft and flexible the silicone “petals” are. Can’t wait to put this thing on my clit tbh!
  • A We-Vibe Bond cock ring – I loved the Pivot, another of their cock rings, for its super rumbly motor and Bluetooth compatibility, so I’ve wanted to try out the Bond too. It’s more aimed at stimulating the wearer’s balls and perineum during use than at pleasuring their partner, which I think is cool and which hopefully my spouse will enjoy when we try it out together.
  • A paddle that’s leather on one side and satin on the other. I am normally very wary of paddles that look like this, especially inexpensive ones (this one is $20), because usually they’re more bark than bite and are hella stingy, rather than thuddy – not my fave. But in testing this out briefly on myself, I’m actually really impressed by how it feels. There seems to be a firm core to it that gives it some heft and thuddiness, and the smooth leather side feels more stingy and makes a louder noise, while the satin side feels thuddier and makes a softer, lower-pitched sound. I wouldn’t recommend using this one for a lot of hard hits, but if you like milder scenes, I think it’s a versatile pick.
  • A couple of pink silicone dildos – this pink and purple one, and one with hearts embedded in it. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a femme cock.
  • A pair of silicone nipple suckers. I’ve never tried these and have always been curious whether they actually work/feel good. Only one way to find out.

After we’d filled our tote bags with toys and swilled our cocktails, we were invited to an event space upstairs, in which there was a long table with place settings and place cards. Honestly, I love place cards, especially at events where I don’t know the other attendees very well or at all; it’s a classy, fancy-looking touch that also works wonders to assuage my social anxiety. (That middle-school-cafeteria feeling of “Who do I sit with?!” is unfortunately still pretty triggering for me, lol fun.)

The PR reps gave us a brief explanation of some new toys Lovehoney is launching soon, which are under embargo so I can’t share details with you yet – but I can tell you that they’re using pressure-wave technology in new and interesting ways, and I’m excited to find out what the new products are like in use.

After that, we were served a wildly fancy 8-course dinner prepared by the culinary team at Patois, a well-reviewed restaurant next door to the event space which makes “Caribbean-meets-Asian soul food.” The theme of the menu was sex and sensuality, so there were lots of fun touches – like a rosy radicchio salad that looked vaguely like a turned-on vulva, a balloon containing orange essential oil that we all popped in unison with provided pins, and a bowl of sour fruits served alongside a miracle berry which temporarily changed our taste receptors to make sour things taste sweet.

The best dish of the evening, I thought, was the main: braised beef brisket in oxtail gravy, served with rice and peas, mac-and-cheese pie, and creamy coleslaw. (The vegetarians and vegans in the room were served a spicy cauliflower situation in lieu of the brisket, which apparently was very good also.) I felt #blessed to be eating something so delicious in the company of so many cool people.

My other favorite dish was one of the desserts, called “Eyes Wide Shut.” Each place setting had a blindfold next to it, and we were told to put these on. “This dish is all about trust,” the chef said, as servers went around the table and individually fed each blindfolded person the dessert, which was a dark chocolate truffle containing raspberry (I think?) and Pop Rocks, for a sensory experience that was both delicious and intriguing. There was also an artist stationed at a nearby table who was doing custom calligraphy on everyone’s eye mask if requested; I just got my name but some of the people around me got fun text like “Touch me.” Cute!

Overall, it was a lovely evening, and I left with a belly full of delicious food and drinks and a giant bag full of sexy products, feeling very lucky to get to do what I love for a living.