Review: Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2

Kate Sloan

I’ve always been pretty ambivalent about doing Kegel exercises. I know they’re good for my sexual and urinary health, but so are all the orgasms I have. I know you can do them anywhere – waiting in line, riding on a bus, etc. – but that’s also true of playing Scrabble on my phone. Like other types of exercise, Kegels are a “virtuous” activity that I mostly just find boring and annoying, even though I know I ought to do ’em more often.

Enter the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2, a toy that actually makes Kegel exercises more fun and interesting to do. Whaaaat?!

 

What is the Doctor Whale 2?

Monster Pub sent me their original version of the Doctor Whale about four years ago. It’s a C-shaped vibrator meant to stimulate your clit and G-spot simultaneously, like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Noa, but is designed to look like a cute li’l whale. The toy is connectable to the MonsterPub app (available on iOS and Android), through which you can control its vibrations and do guided Kegel workouts.

Monster Pub seems to have made a few changes to the Doctor Whale in this latest iteration. The whale’s “tail” has been widened, so it can (theoretically) hit your clit while also stimulating your labia a bit. The Bluetooth connectivity between the toy and the app seems much-improved. I’m not sure if any other changes have been made, but those two alone make a big difference.

 

What are the Kegel workouts like?

Once the toy is inside you and connected to the app – a process that happens fairly easily and quickly by holding down the vibe’s power button for 2 seconds and pairing it through the app – you can navigate to the “Health” section of the app and begin a workout.

You will then be guided through cycles of squeezing your Kegel muscles for a few seconds and relaxing for a few seconds. The “narrator” of the workout also helps you sync up your breathing to your squeezing, so the process can become meditative and grounding, like a yoga class. There’s even a short “cooldown” at the end that reminds me of the savasana many yoga practitioners end every session with. I always feel both accomplished and chilled out when I finish a Monster Pub workout, much like I do after a great yoga sesh.

Most interestingly to me, there is a pressure sensor inside the toy that conveys live feedback to the app, showing you at any given moment how tightly you’re squeezing the toy on a scale from 0 to 199. I find this highly motivating to watch during my workouts, as I try to beat my previous record. You can view patterns in your sessions to see your muscles getting stronger over time (hey Apple, you should integrate these stats into your Health app!). The app informs me that I apparently have stronger Kegel muscles than 95% of its users, which will be a great thing to brag about if I ever go to a party again.

As I’ve noted before, there’s still a substantial language barrier problem with this app; many of the functions are hard to find because of how poorly labeled everything is, and the person doing voiceover for the guided workouts (who seems to speak English fluently) nonetheless sounds awkward speaking the badly-translated script they’ve been given. I do think the app has been slightly improved in this regard since the last time I reviewed it, but Monster Pub would benefit a lot from hiring an English-speaking translator/copywriter to make sure all the text makes sense and is comprehensible to English-speaking users.

 

But is the toy… pleasurable?

The motor of the Doctor Whale 2 is decent: not quite as strong or as rumbly as I’d prefer, but certainly moreso than the majority of vibes out there. I didn’t notice any numbness, itchiness, or irritation, the likes of which I often feel from overly-buzzy vibrations on my G-spot. The Kegel workouts are interspersed with vibration, as if to reward you with pleasure in between squeezes, and it functions well for that purpose.

That said, the clitoral arm remains an issue. Because of its width, it mostly just sits on the outside of my labia, rather than being able to make full contact with my clit. I can spread my outer labia as wide as they go and tuck the toy between them, and that’s slightly better, but I still have to physically press the arm against my clit in order to feel much of anything.

I do like the social functions of the app. You can have a partner control the vibrations of your toy from afar, or you can connect with random strangers for play via what the app calls “hit-on messages,” which can be disabled if you don’t want to get flirted with by randos. You can create your own vibration patterns, or try other people’s creations (I particularly enjoyed the inventive stylings of a user named DaddysLilSlut).

Supposedly this vibrator has a warming function, but this is the 3rd Monster Pub toy I’ve tried that has boasted that feature and I’ve never once figured out how to enable it. (You can seemingly only control the toy via the app, which is, as I’ve mentioned, pretty overloaded and at times incomprehensible.)

 

Final thoughts?

I don’t think this vibe could get me off on its own – it’s not strong enough, rumbly enough, or capable of providing enough clitoral stimulation for that – but it works a treat as a Kegel exerciser. I actually get excited about doing workouts with this toy, although often I’m turned on enough by the end of a session that I need to switch to different toys to finish the job.

At $169 for the premium version of the toy (which is the version with Kegel exercise functionality), this toy is pretty pricey for what it does. You can get the standard version for $119 but I’m not sure why you would – the Kegel capability is easily the best thing about this product. But if you want/need to do Kegels more often, and you (like me) find it difficult to motivate yourself to do so, then $169 might be worth it for you. The app can even be set up to send you daily reminders to do your exercises – thoughtfully skipping your period, should you choose to track your cycle in the MonsterPub app – so it’s like having your own Kegels-focused personal trainer, keeping you in line and cheering you on.

Get the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2 if you need help doing your Kegels and think some pleasure and guidance would do the trick. But if that’s not your situation, there are other vibes that would be better for your purposes. They may not have a medical degree like Doctor Whale, but hey, can’t win ’em all.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 1 Fantastic Company

Kate Sloan
Image via the Pleasure Tailor

Today, 12 Days of Girly Juice comes to a close! And I’m finishing it in the way I always do: by highlighting one company in the sex industry that I think is doing wonderful work, and that made a significant contribution to my year.

The company I want to shout out this year is the Pleasure Tailor, co-creators of the Easy A dildo, which I launched earlier this month. They worked with me to get every detail of this toy exactly how I wanted it, and as a result, it’s a visually striking and profoundly pleasurable toy. It’s one of the only ones on the market that explicitly targets the A-spot, or anterior fornix. It’s also one of the only toys on the market designed by and for people with pain or strength issues in their hands – although, notably, anyone can use it, regardless of ability level, and the cleverly-designed base allows for more precise thrusts whether your hands are weak or strong.

I mostly wanted to highlight the Pleasure Tailor because I think what they’re doing is so damn cool. They collaborate with guest designers like me, yes, but they also allow all of their customers to customize toys, at a price that’s reasonable for the services being offered.

One of the fundamental issues with being a sex toy reviewer is that my advice can only be extrapolated so far; I may love a toy, but that doesn’t mean it’ll necessarily work for the particular bodies of all my readers. For that reason, I’m happy I can recommend toys made by the Pleasure Tailor to folks, because they can make their own decisions about things like size, shape, finish, and color – rather than having to hope a pre-made toy works for their unique genitals. The services offered by the Pleasure Tailor are empowering, democratizing, and (from my ~decade of experience in this industry) unparalleled.

 

Full disclosure: I was not paid to write this, and (as always) I genuinely do believe everything I’ve written here; the Pleasure Tailor really is that fuckin’ great. I receive a portion of the proceeds when you buy the dildo I designed.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 2 Fears Defeated

Kate Sloan

Every year I write about 2 fears that I’ve faced head-on over the course of the year. It’s a way of re-teaching myself a lesson that I (and many others) need to re-learn periodically: that pushing through fear helps you grow, makes good shit happen in your life, and feels fucking great!

Both the fears I faced this year were work-related, but for workaholic freelancers like me, work can play a big role in one’s identity so these feel huger and more holistic than they might seem. Let’s jump in…

 

Going fully self-employed

Early in the year, I began to feel a bit hemmed in at my “dayjob,” a part-time social media writing gig I’d had for 4 years. The people I worked with there were always fantastic and kind, but I had to wake up every weekday at 9 a.m. to write time-sensitive tweets, which was becoming less and less achievable with my chronic pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia ramping up.

I also was fortunate enough to not really need the job anymore – it was only bringing in about 7% of my income but was accounting for at least 40% of my work hours and stress, so I figured it was time to make a change.

I had a lot of fears about doing this, many of which I unpacked with my therapist. I worried that my sleep schedule would get fucked up if I was no longer tethered to the 9-to-5, that all my other “jobs” would fall apart, that I’d regret this decision somehow. But it’s been about 6 months since I stopped working there and none of that has happened.

Instead, I feel much calmer, freer, and (most days) happier. I can sleep as late as my body needs (usually to 10:30–11:30) and work on a schedule that makes more sense for my natural rhythms and energy levels. And a far higher proportion of the work I do now is stuff that I deeply care about. It was a scary choice, but I’m profoundly glad I made it.

 

Photo by Rose Glass Photography

Launching a book

Yep, I did it! I really did it. With the help of my publisher/editors, my agent, my spouse, and my friends, I was able to get 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do out into the world, and celebrate it in style at a little launch party in an East Village bar.

It’s been such a thrill to see the book making its way around the world, landing in the hands of curious kinksters everywhere. I had so much anxiety in the weeks and months leading up to the launch – that no one would buy it, that no one would like it, that no one would come to the party, etc. – but it was all bullshit from the “fearful liar” part of my brain. The launch went better than I could have ever expected and I’m so grateful. ❤️

 

What fears did you face this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

Strap in, folks… We’re talking about some of the best sex I had all year!

Like I did last year, I’ve asked my partner Matt to contribute some thoughts on each of the scenes/sessions I picked, so you’ll get both of our perspectives in here. Enjoy this glorious horny overshare of a post!

 

An ex-cellent roleplay

Matt and I had been watching the Netflix show Sex/Life a lot, and it inspired a scene. If you haven’t seen it, the show is about a woman who starts to feel restless in her life as a suburban wife and mother, and finds herself longing for the spontaneity and sexual excitement she experienced with her super-hot (but avoidantly attached and emotionally immature) ex-boyfriend. It’s full of hot sex scenes, largely because the actors playing the woman and her ex were dating and presumably fucking IRL while it was being filmed. 🔥

This show reactivated a long-standing fantasy of mine about fucking an ex again. It’s not that there are specific exes of mine I’d like to fuck again (well, not very many of them, anyway!), but more the overall idea of reuniting with someone who knows your body and your mind inside and out. Traditionally I’ve been the type of person who would sometimes (naughtily) stay in bad relationships too long because the sex was so good; that isn’t the most emotionally healthy practice, obviously, so roleplaying a sex-with-an-ex scenario is a better way of exorcizing those feelings, IMO.

Matt suggested I lie down with a blindfold on, and then left the room and came back in again, to heighten the sense that this was indeed a different person. They whispered filthy things to me like “God, I’ve missed this cunt” and “I bet I still remember exactly how to make you come.” This was such a fun example of a simple roleplay that somehow turns fairly “normal” sex into something turbo-charged with hotness.

Matt says: I’ve had a few experiences fucking actual exes, but predictably none were as hot or good as this roleplay scene. Getting to flirt, corrupt, and cajole you into “letting” me fuck you one more time hit on a lot of our mutual kinks and let us dirty talk in new ways. Since I was very much in character (and in top space), I don’t remember much of anything I said, but I do remember how your moans were different – more excited and surprised, and how much it seemed like you wanted to impress me once I started fucking you. A+++. Would fuck you as an ex again, but let’s not actually break up in order to do it, because we clearly don’t have to.

 

Languorous cunnilingus from 500 miles away

There is nothing quite like oral sex from someone who knows your body… but oral via phone sex comes close for me.

I know, that sounds absurd. How can one replicate the unique and nuanced sensations of oral by oneself?! But I’m never really “by myself” during phone sex. I have my partner’s voice and words, painting a picture and telling me what to do. And I have lube, and toys, and drugs, and other accoutrements that help me create an atmosphere of sexy relaxation and a sensation that approaches “real” oral sex and sometimes even surpasses it.

Sometime in May, while my partner was locked up in chastity, they spent a good 30-40 minutes describing giving me head in extreme detail, while I replicated each movement they described on my own body with lubed fingers and then a vibe. We do this often, but not usually for that length of time, or with that purity of focus. Given the prevalence of people ignoring or downplaying clitoral pleasure in the world, it feels healing and uplifting to have entire sex sessions sometimes that focus solely on my clit and all its magnificent nerve endings, whether a partner is touching them or I’m doing it myself.

Matt says: When you and I have sex of any kind (IRL or on the phone), going down on you is nearly always on the menu. But this session and others like it are different because of how singular my focus is on that one act, elevating it from quotidian cunnilingus to true cunt worship. Being locked in a chastity cage certainly helps, but so does closing my eyes and focusing on the sensations, scents, and tastes I crave after missing you for weeks or months of being apart. I’ll mix detailed descriptions of my tongue and finger work with explicit instructions about you should touch those spots with your own hands and toys to best mimic my technique. While it can be initially hard to get into the headspace of going down on you and talking at the same time, once it clicks into place, it’s one of my favorite ways to fuck you through the phone. Why even add penetration when I can focus on licking, sucking, kissing, and stroking your eager clit for as long as it takes to feel you come in my mouth? *chef’s kiss*

 

I mean does my spouse look hot in a suit or WHAT

Ready and waiting

I was about 20 years old when I first had the sexual fantasy of “getting myself ready” for a partner before they arrived home, so they could fuck me immediately upon their arrival, using my warmed-up body for their pleasure. My partner at the time was pretty vanilla, and loved giving oral sex, so he told me that to do this would be to skip some of his favorite parts of sex. While this was an understandable perspective, I still found that fantasy hot to contemplate from time to time.

My partner now is decidedly not vanilla (obvi!), but because they also love giving oral (as evidenced above), they recently found a way to enact this fantasy of mine without skipping cunnilingus. On an evening when they’d been out of the house all day attending to work stuff, they texted me, “At 9:30, put on lingerie, get into bed, turn the lights down, put on sexy music and a blindfold, and think about my mouth while you lie on my bed. Touch yourself however and wherever feels right and fantasize about what I’m gonna do to you.” They added that I should do a couple hits of weed to amp up my sensitivity, and put an Njoy Pure Plug in. Of course, I was eager to comply.

After setting up the space as instructed, I put my blindfold on, grabbed the Zalo Kyro wand, and started moving it lightly around my vulva, avoiding my clit so it would be at its most sensitive for my partner to enjoy. They were audibly delighted to see me laid out like that when we arrived, and I got to feel like a good little submissive for doing everything that’d been asked of me. What a win-win!

Matt says: It had been a long time since I’d had to stay out late for a business dinner, and I’d forgotten how horny that makes me: silky suits, fancy food, being away from my sub all day. We hadn’t fucked in few nights, and I knew I wanted to use you as soon as I got home before you got too tired, but I wasn’t sure exactly how late that would be. So I did what any good dominant would do: started the foreplay while I was at dinner from my phone, so you’d be ready for me when I got there. Walking into my room with the lights already low, my good girl high, plugged, and writhing against a vibe on my bed, and sexy music on the stereo was the perfect start to a perfect scene. I undressed as soon as I got in and remember how quickly you were ready for a dildo in your cunt after I started sucking your clit. You came hard and fast on the toy, and so did I once I slipped my cock into your cunt and used you like I had been planning for hours.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan
Bex introducing me at the 101 Kinky Things book launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

It’s hard to write this annual feature about events I’ve attended when I’ve (like all of you) been living through a global pandemic that limits the types of events we can safely go to – but I did manage to attend several cool happenings this year! Here are 4 of my faves that I went to…

 

Bawdy Storytelling

I’ve wanted to perform at the sexy storytelling event Bawdy for years, after seeing videos online of sex-ed heroes of mine like Mollena Williams-Haas, Allison Moon, and Tristan Taormino telling stories there. And when Bawdy moved onto Zoom during the pandemic, I finally got my wish!

It was so magical telling a romantic, sexy, strange story to the ever-enthusiastic “Bawdience,” even through a screen. Working with Dixie De La Tour to get the story up to snuff was like an oration masterclass in and of itself, and actually performing the story was a massive thrill. My fellow performers all knocked it out of the park too. I hope one day I get to attend a Bawdy event in person!

 

This American Wife

The theatrical weirdos at Fake Friends (and I mean that epithet in the most loving way possible) have done a couple of different livestreamed theatre events over the course of the pandemic, and I think This American Wife was my favorite of the two. The cast and crew had rented (or otherwise negotiated the use of) a giant mansion, and used it as their set for a twisty, dramatic, adoring pastiche of the Real Housewives franchise. It did things with the “Zoom theatre” format that I’ve never seen anyone else do.

Most surprising to me were the interludes where performers seemed to be telling real stories of their traumas and struggles, in the spirit of “reality TV,” only to later reveal that it may all have been theatrical trickery. It was a deeply disorienting piece of art, in the best way. I look forward to seeing what else Fake Friends get up to in the future.

 

Stay At Homo

The Toronto comedy scene has been a source of such joy for me during the pandemic, with their wacky Zoom improv shows and other online offerings. I was especially excited to see two of my favorite queer comedians, Tom Hearn and Ajahnis Charley, do a livestreamed sketch and music show called Stay At Homo. Originally it was going to be streamed from someone’s back yard but they had to move it indoors onto the stage of Comedy Bar for weather reasons, and as a result, watching it from home almost felt like I was back at that beloved venue.

The show (which you can still watch on YouTube) contained a bunch of solo sketches and musical numbers from these gifted performers. I laughed my ass off especially hard at Ajahnis’s song about being “a gay who loves basketball” – the bridge about “things that are both very gay and very basketball” makes me shriek with giggles.

 

 

Doing a hypnokink demo at the launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

101 Kinky Things book launch!

Of course, I’d be remiss not to include my own book launch in this post! In October I held a little (vaxxed-people-only) event at the KGB Bar, a dimly-lit communist bar in the East Village of New York City. With the help of my “tech director” and wonderful spouse Matt, I was able to livestream the event over Zoom so people could watch it from home too.

There were readings from the book, signing of copies, and (most excitingly) a few live kink demos featuring me, Matt, and my friend Bex. It was so cool getting to demonstrate things like pre-scene negotiation, erotic hypnosis, and impact play to a crowd of eager literary perverts. Much love to everyone who attended, either in person or online, and to Matt, Bex, and our terrific photographer Ashe for all the help making this event happen!

 

What were your favorite events this year, online, offline, or otherwise?