31 Things I Do to Combat Loneliness During the Pandemic

Kate Sloan

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that loneliness has been a serious problem for many of us during the pandemic. As a hardcore introvert who doesn’t live alone, I’ve been spared the worst of it, but it still sneaks up on me sometimes. Here are 31 things I do regularly that help ease the pain of loneliness:

  1. Have long phone calls with my spouse nearly every night.
  2. While on those phone calls, sync up shows/movies to watch together, so it’s almost like we’re cuddled up on the couch enjoying entertainment together like a non-long-distance couple could do.
  3. Look at real estate websites and imagine the parties I would throw, post-COVID, if I owned this brick-walled loft or that Grecian mansion.
  4. Skype with my best friend once a week to catch up and record our podcast.
  5. Watch live improv shows online (the Bad Dog Comedy channel on YouTube, and the usually-weekly performance of RaaatScraps, are my faves). It almost feels like being in an actual comedy venue again.
  6. Read books containing loveable characters. Literature, I think, is one of humanity’s best ways for mentally communing with other people when we can’t physically be around other people.
  7. Drink wine and play Jackbox games with my roommate and her boyfriend once a week or so.
  8. Occasionally lurk around online dating sites fantasizing about what my life would be like if I was dating this person or that. (Turns out that a tendency to visit site after site into the wee hours is maybe not the healthiest thing for me, but hey, life is a journey of self-discovery!)
  9. Flirt with people on social media.
  10. Argue with people on Reddit. (Would not recommend.)
  11. Learn to deeply enjoy my own company. This is a lifelong process, I suspect.
  12. Watch old videos of fun times with friends.
  13. Play songs on my piano and ukulele, close my eyes, and imagine I’m performing them for a massive crowd (in a post-pandemic world in which that would not be at all concerning for any of us).
  14. Chat with my therapist on the phone twice a month.
  15. Cuddle with cats.
  16. Cultivate obsessions with YouTubers – gorgeous women doing beauty tutorials, clever men making cocktails, etc.
  17. Use realistic sex toys and fantasize about various hot people.
  18. Learn to cook new meals and make new drinks, in the hopes of one day being able to serve them to people I love.
  19. Leave my favorite Twitch streamer’s videos playing on my iPad when I go to sleep, just to hear the comforting sound of a familiar voice (even if he happens to be battling the Elite Four or trying to catch a shiny Rayquaza or whatever).
  20. Have one-person dance parties in my room, and imagine I’m surrounded by sweaty bodies writhing in tandem at a club.
  21. Make a gratitude list.
  22. Go for (masked) walks down to the waterfront, to be with the wind and the waves and the other wandering souls who’ve found their way there.
  23. Send out compliments as often as it occurs to me to do so.
  24. Create families in The Sims and have them throw parties, go on adventures, etc.
  25. Listen to music that seems to “get” how I’m feeling, like that of Ben Hopkins, Paul Cook & the Chronicles, Sarah Vaughan, Ski Lift, Blossom Dearie, Hippo Campus, Fleet Foxes, and Nick Jonas (his most recent album Spaceman is full of COVID vibes!).
  26. Reflect on memories of wonderful social experiences, like being part of a competitive improv team, attending sex-positive mixers, and chatting with the folks who came to my book launch event.
  27. Add more lamps to my room. I don’t know why, but they make the space feel cozier.
  28. Be proactive about my own self-care, including stuff like taking my meds + vitamins every day and using my SAD lamp every day, because taking good care of myself is extra important when no one is physically around to take care of me.
  29. Step away from the internet sometimes. Being online may seem like a solution to loneliness, because there are so many people buzzing around on there, but often it just exacerbates the problem. “Touch grass,” as the kids say.
  30. Look out my window at all the lit-up windows of other people who are stuck inside.
  31. Remember, always, that this too shall pass.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

6 Reasons I Sucked at Being a Webcam Performer

Kate Sloan

I have the greatest respect for webcam performers, in part because I have done small and infrequent versions of what they do, and have found it to be almost insurmountably difficult for me (as I think it would be for many people). Here are just some of the numerous reasons I wasn’t cut out for this type of work, though I admire it deeply…

 

It takes me a while to come and I don’t enjoy faking orgasms. There was a constant tension, in my camming days, between what my clients wanted to see and what I was physically capable of showing them. When someone would book a 15-minute session and say they wanted to see me come, I got tense immediately because I knew it likely wasn’t possible. Either I’d have to get myself very close to orgasm in advance of the session (which was time for which I should’ve been, but wasn’t being, paid), or I’d have to fake an orgasm.

Of course, a third option would be to just tell the client that there was no way I could get myself off in that amount of time, especially in a way that was picturesque (i.e. not just holding a Magic Wand against my clit for 15 minutes), but sometimes this was perceived as cash-grubbing. Sigh.

 

I’m not an exhibitionist. Like, at all. This became pretty clear to me after my first few cam sessions. I had heard friends and colleagues of mine discussing the unique sexual rush of performing for an audience, and aside from a brief glow of pride whenever someone complimented my body, I never really felt that. It just felt like work, because, well, it was. But I’d been hoping I’d enjoy it more than I did. Ah well, diff’rent strokes…

 

The amount of work it involves is gigantic, and I have limited energy. Back when I thought I might take camming seriously and try to make it into one of my income streams, I read tons of articles with headlines like “8 Things Every Camgirl MUST Know” and “Tips for Chaturbate Performers,” and realized I had barely scratched the surface of how much work is actually involved in camming.

It’s not only the on-screen performances, which are taxing enough, but also the self-promotion, audience-building, administrative labor (like answering emails and filling out tax forms), emotional labor (like chatting with prospective clients via DM and filtering out the ones who demanded freebies), graphic design and editing of promotional images, personal branding, etc. etc. etc. I’m tired! I don’t know how cam performers do it all, especially ones who live with chronic illness like I do, but kudos.

 

I’m way too anxious. Are they having a good time? Am I moving at a good pace? Should I be nakeder than this? Are they regretting paying for this? Are they screenshotting this? Are they secretly recording video? What if I don’t orgasm in time? What if THEY don’t orgasm in time? How do I gracefully exit the conversation once the clock runs out? How do I ever expect to make money doing this when I look like THIS? Is my face doing pretty things? Is my body too contorted? Are my vibrators too loud? Are my dildos obscuring my vulva? Are they getting what they paid for?

I’ve never been great at shutting off the anxious voice in my head, but this was especially true during webcam shows. They’re just not my medium, methinks.

 

Sometimes it required tech know-how that I don’t possess. Granted, I do have a spouse now who’s very tech-savvy, so this is addressable if I wanted to address it… but that doesn’t necessarily mean my feeling of overwhelm and incompetence would go away!

When I read articles about optimizing streaming speed, troubleshooting platform glitches, and why it’s important to customize your Chaturbate profile, I just get stressed out and tend to shut down emotionally + shut down my computer. I know the tech side of things is largely handled by whatever streaming service you use these days, but I just don’t think I have the bandwidth (emotionally or internet-wise!) to handle the rest.

 

I kept getting distracted by the other performers on the site. Listen, I’m very bisexual. Any website where hot people of various genders are touching themselves live on camera is pretty hard to resist at least perusing. And if I peruse, I will watch. And if I watch, I will totally forget why I went to the website in the first place (i.e. performing myself). But I don’t mind that – it’s a pretty good dilemma, as far as dilemmas go. 😉

 

Any of you also dabbled in cam performing and found it wasn’t for you? Or did you eventually figure out how to make it work for you?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Designurbate, who will make you a Chaturbate profile template free of charge. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Treediride Adele 3-in-1 Thruster

Kate Sloan

Since the beginning of my career as a sex toy reviewer, I have gotten annoyed at internal vibrators and wished they could thrust in addition to (or instead of) vibrating. While I know there are plenty of people who enjoy internal vibration, anecdotal evidence (from talking to others about this and from my own experiences) leads me to believe that many people with vaginas prefer that those vaginas be stimulated with motion in addition to, or in lieu of, vibration. Maybe it has to do with the G-spot being buried in the vaginal wall and requiring more robust stimulation than other erogenous zones; maybe it speaks to the evolutionarily-honed desire to be fucked; maybe it just feels good and we don’t need to overthink why.

In any case, I got excited about reviewing the Treediride Adele 3-in-1 thrusting vibrator because it does 3 different things: it thrusts, it vibrates, and it sucks your clit. And I think that’s pretty great.

 

What is it?

The Treediride Adele (presumably not named after the singer, although who knows) consists of a pressure-wave stimulation toy for your clit, attached via a very flexible and floppy cord to a dildo-like object that can both vibrate and thrust.

Each of these 3 functions can be controlled separately, which is crucial for a toy like this. I don’t want to begin my masturbation session by bombarding my genitals immediately with suction, vibration, and thrusting – I want to build up gradually, as my arousal grows. I also don’t always want to change the intensity of stimulation on my clit when I change the intensity of internal sensations, or vice-versa; it’s far better to be able to control each sensation independently.

This functionality, combined with the flexibility of the toy’s connecting cord, also means that if you wanted to use only one component or function of the toy, you could. For example, I could insert the thruster part of this toy and use a different vibe on my clit, if I was in the mood to mix-and-match. I love when dual- or triple-stim toys are actually versatile, rather than pigeonholing you into using the toy in only one specific way!

 

How does it feel?

The clitoral stimulation of this toy is somewhat unique among pressure-wave toys, because it has a little “tongue” inside its “mouth” which stimulates the clit in addition to the air-pulse action also at play. I find that this makes it unusually suitable for using over my clitoral hood, which is usually how I prefer to use this type of toy because my clit is hella sensitive. Often, my hood mutes pressure-wave sensations, so that using a toy directly feels like way too much and using it over my hood feels like way too little – but the addition of that “tongue” seems to make the toy still feel great even when used indirectly. Cool!

The thrusting function is what I’d expect for a thruster at this low-to-middling price point: a bit too manically fast, and not super impactful (so not ideal for people who like getting fucked very hard), but certainly good enough to hit my erogenous zones in a satisfying way and contribute to wonderful orgasms. I think the shape of the internal portion makes a huge difference here: it’s semi-realistic, with a sculpted head and “coronal ridge” reminiscent of a flesh-and-blood dick, but with gentle hills and valleys along the length of the shaft to amp up the stimulation. The thruster component itself is only 5″ long but still manages to hit both my G-spot and my A-spot on every thrust if I nudge it into the right position before I begin.

The vibration is just okay. It’s strong, but buzzy. Paired with the thrusting motion, it feels fantastic, seeming to amplify the pleasure of each thrust without adding too much numbness – but it’s definitely not the type of vibe I like to use on my clit, so if you want anything resembling a clitoral vibrator, you should look elsewhere because this toy ain’t it.

That said, this toy’s combo of thrusting + vibration + clitoral suction (or even just thrusting + clitoral suction) gets me off remarkably quickly and intensely. The orgasms feel so easy they almost sneak up on me. I think the fast tapping against my G-spot and A-spot simultaneously is the biggest factor in my response to this toy. That and the fact that I can move the clitoral portion to different parts of my clit – the tip, the hood, the side – as needed to prevent overstimulation of any one area.

That’s one major benefit of this toy’s components being connected by a bendable cord, rather than being locked in place as they are on many rabbit vibes: you can move the clit portion however you see fit. Not only does this mean you can stimulate whatever spot on your clit feels best at any given moment – it also means, crucially, that you can move the clitoral stimulation slightly aside during/after orgasm, to mitigate the sensitivity overload that can happen at the point of climax. This contributes massively to the quality of my orgasms with this toy, because for me, an orgasm interrupted by an onslaught of direct stimulation during my most sensitive moments is almost as bad as a ruined orgasm.

Is there anything you don’t like about it?

The thrusting starts at a fairly high speed and doesn’t slow down, so if you’re looking for firm, steady thrusts at a reasonable human speed, you’re not gonna find that here. But that’s been true of pretty much every thruster I’ve tried, including high-end ones like those in the Fun Factory Stronic line.

The flexibility of the cord between the toy’s two components leads me to wonder if their electrical connection could be severed by overzealous bending or pulling of the cord. I wouldn’t tend to yank it around much during a masturbation session, but things do happen in storage sometimes (which is how, for example, I damaged my last pair of wired Apple earbuds and had to get new ones) – so I’d recommend being careful about how you store this toy and how roughly you pull on its two parts.

It is a little odd that this toy has 10 sucking modes, 5 vibration modes, and 9 thrusting modes. Typically I’d expect each of a toy’s functions to have the same number of modes/speeds/patterns. But it’s not a huge deal, because I tend to only use the first mode of thrusting and vibration while varying the suction mode as I get closer to orgasm.

For folks with strength/mobility issues, or folks who are lazy masturbators, this toy is a mixed bag. The thrusting motion is more self-sufficient than that of any thruster I’ve tried, not requiring much repositioning or holding in place in order to keep hitting those internal spots, perhaps because the ridges on the shaft allow it to maintain its purchase against my vaginal walls. But the clitoral stimulator basically has to be held in place by hand while you’re using it (at least, on my anatomy), or else it falls right off. You win some, you lose some.

 

Final thoughts

At $45.99, I think the Treediride Adele is very well-priced for what it is: a well-designed triple-function toy that feels really fucking good. It’s made of silky-soft silicone. It’s magnetically rechargeable and holds a charge well. It seems to be waterproof (or at least, mine hasn’t broken when I’ve washed it in the sink), though I can’t find official confirmation of this on Treediride’s website. It has, in short, many of the qualities I expect from great toys – including the ability to give me super intense orgasms.

If you like the feeling of internal thrusting, and you like pressure-wave sensations on your clit (or think you might), I think this toy would certainly be worth the $46 for you. I was surprised by how good it felt; maybe you will be too.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Sextistics 2021: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown

Kate Sloan

It’s that time again, friends! Time for me to comb through my sex spreadsheet, crunch some numbers, and present you with a statistical portrait of my sex life this year. (Previously: 2020, 2019, 2018.)

Before we jump into those juicy juicy stats (!), I just wanted to say that I’ve very much appreciated your readership this year and that I hope you have a lovely New Year’s Eve, however you’re celebrating it, and a 2022 that’s as good as one can reasonably expect. ❤️

 

Overview

  • In 2021, I had partnered sex 154 times.
  • This works out to an average of 12.83 times per month, 2.96 times per week, and 0.42 times per day.
  • If you calculate the above based only on when me and my partner were physically together this year (which was 6.75 months out of 12), we had sex an average of 22.81 times per month, 4.39 times per week, and 0.76 times per day.
  • I had 139 orgasms from in-person partnered sex.
  • My partner had 118 orgasms from in-person partnered sex. That lower number is mostly due to time they spent in chastity.
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of kinks that were part of my sex life this year: biting, chastity, cock and ball torture, daddy dom/little girl roleplay, financial domination, forced orgasms, hypnosis, impact play, intoxication play, medical play, orgasm control, orgasm denial, roleplay, ruined orgasms, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, temperature play.

 

Compared to last year:

  • I had 23% less sex (which makes sense because my partner and I spent about 16% less time physically together this year than last year).
  • I had an orgasm 90.26% of the times I had sex, about the same as last year (90.5%).
  • My partner had an orgasm 76.62% of the times we had sex versus 89% last year – again, because of us doing chastity play.
  • I only had 1 sexual partner this year, versus last year when I did BJ porn with someone other than my spouse so I had 2.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in 4 different locations this year, same as last year.
  • Those included my place, my spouse’s place, a relative’s place, and the 6 Columbus hotel in New York City where we stayed for my birthday weekend.
  • I had a higher orgasm incidence rate at my own apartment (100%) than at Matt’s apartment (89.51%) but that’s mostly just because I had way more sex at Matt’s apartment (143 times versus 8 times) so there were way more chances for me to be too sleepy/tipsy/achy to get off.

 

Highs & lows

  • My most sexually active month was October (27 times), though all of the months we spent entirely together had a similar number (20-26).
  • My least sexually active months were, of course, the ones when I wasn’t with Matt and therefore had sex 0 times (May, June, July, and September).
  • The most times I had sex in one day was twice, which happened several times.
  • I didn’t have multiple orgasms during any sessions this year because my body seems to be increasingly incapable of doing so, but my partner had more than one orgasm in a session at least 3 times.

 

Sex toys

 

Phone sex

  • In 2021, I had phone sex 71 times, versus 122 last year.
  • That means that while we were physically apart (which was 5.25 months out of 12), we had phone sex 13.52 times per month, 3.26 times per week, and 0.47 times per day.
  • I didn’t keep track of orgasm rates during phone sex this year because I couldn’t be bothered, but we both came the vast majority of times, Matt’s stints in chastity being the main exceptions.
  • Comparing our phone sex numbers to our IRL sex numbers, phone sex was 31.55% of my sex life this year, compared to 37.9% last year.
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 225.
  • That works out to 18.75 times per month, 4.33 times per week, and 0.62 times per day.

 

Some of the funniest/oddest things in the “Notes” field of my sex spreadsheet this year:

  • New year’s spanking
  • Pearl necklace findom
  • I cried HARD and a LOT
  • Strap-on handjob trance
  • Squirted all over their dick
  • Very good, lots of squirting
  • “Made” them come in 20 seconds
  • Punched me to show their love for me

 

And there you have it! Another year of nerdy stats. Did you track your sex life this year? What did you discover?

Review: Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2

Kate Sloan

I’ve always been pretty ambivalent about doing Kegel exercises. I know they’re good for my sexual and urinary health, but so are all the orgasms I have. I know you can do them anywhere – waiting in line, riding on a bus, etc. – but that’s also true of playing Scrabble on my phone. Like other types of exercise, Kegels are a “virtuous” activity that I mostly just find boring and annoying, even though I know I ought to do ’em more often.

Enter the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2, a toy that actually makes Kegel exercises more fun and interesting to do. Whaaaat?!

 

What is the Doctor Whale 2?

Monster Pub sent me their original version of the Doctor Whale about four years ago. It’s a C-shaped vibrator meant to stimulate your clit and G-spot simultaneously, like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Noa, but is designed to look like a cute li’l whale. The toy is connectable to the MonsterPub app (available on iOS and Android), through which you can control its vibrations and do guided Kegel workouts.

Monster Pub seems to have made a few changes to the Doctor Whale in this latest iteration. The whale’s “tail” has been widened, so it can (theoretically) hit your clit while also stimulating your labia a bit. The Bluetooth connectivity between the toy and the app seems much-improved. I’m not sure if any other changes have been made, but those two alone make a big difference.

 

What are the Kegel workouts like?

Once the toy is inside you and connected to the app – a process that happens fairly easily and quickly by holding down the vibe’s power button for 2 seconds and pairing it through the app – you can navigate to the “Health” section of the app and begin a workout.

You will then be guided through cycles of squeezing your Kegel muscles for a few seconds and relaxing for a few seconds. The “narrator” of the workout also helps you sync up your breathing to your squeezing, so the process can become meditative and grounding, like a yoga class. There’s even a short “cooldown” at the end that reminds me of the savasana many yoga practitioners end every session with. I always feel both accomplished and chilled out when I finish a Monster Pub workout, much like I do after a great yoga sesh.

Most interestingly to me, there is a pressure sensor inside the toy that conveys live feedback to the app, showing you at any given moment how tightly you’re squeezing the toy on a scale from 0 to 199. I find this highly motivating to watch during my workouts, as I try to beat my previous record. You can view patterns in your sessions to see your muscles getting stronger over time (hey Apple, you should integrate these stats into your Health app!). The app informs me that I apparently have stronger Kegel muscles than 95% of its users, which will be a great thing to brag about if I ever go to a party again.

As I’ve noted before, there’s still a substantial language barrier problem with this app; many of the functions are hard to find because of how poorly labeled everything is, and the person doing voiceover for the guided workouts (who seems to speak English fluently) nonetheless sounds awkward speaking the badly-translated script they’ve been given. I do think the app has been slightly improved in this regard since the last time I reviewed it, but Monster Pub would benefit a lot from hiring an English-speaking translator/copywriter to make sure all the text makes sense and is comprehensible to English-speaking users.

 

But is the toy… pleasurable?

The motor of the Doctor Whale 2 is decent: not quite as strong or as rumbly as I’d prefer, but certainly moreso than the majority of vibes out there. I didn’t notice any numbness, itchiness, or irritation, the likes of which I often feel from overly-buzzy vibrations on my G-spot. The Kegel workouts are interspersed with vibration, as if to reward you with pleasure in between squeezes, and it functions well for that purpose.

That said, the clitoral arm remains an issue. Because of its width, it mostly just sits on the outside of my labia, rather than being able to make full contact with my clit. I can spread my outer labia as wide as they go and tuck the toy between them, and that’s slightly better, but I still have to physically press the arm against my clit in order to feel much of anything.

I do like the social functions of the app. You can have a partner control the vibrations of your toy from afar, or you can connect with random strangers for play via what the app calls “hit-on messages,” which can be disabled if you don’t want to get flirted with by randos. You can create your own vibration patterns, or try other people’s creations (I particularly enjoyed the inventive stylings of a user named DaddysLilSlut).

Supposedly this vibrator has a warming function, but this is the 3rd Monster Pub toy I’ve tried that has boasted that feature and I’ve never once figured out how to enable it. (You can seemingly only control the toy via the app, which is, as I’ve mentioned, pretty overloaded and at times incomprehensible.)

 

Final thoughts?

I don’t think this vibe could get me off on its own – it’s not strong enough, rumbly enough, or capable of providing enough clitoral stimulation for that – but it works a treat as a Kegel exerciser. I actually get excited about doing workouts with this toy, although often I’m turned on enough by the end of a session that I need to switch to different toys to finish the job.

At $169 for the premium version of the toy (which is the version with Kegel exercise functionality), this toy is pretty pricey for what it does. You can get the standard version for $119 but I’m not sure why you would – the Kegel capability is easily the best thing about this product. But if you want/need to do Kegels more often, and you (like me) find it difficult to motivate yourself to do so, then $169 might be worth it for you. The app can even be set up to send you daily reminders to do your exercises – thoughtfully skipping your period, should you choose to track your cycle in the MonsterPub app – so it’s like having your own Kegels-focused personal trainer, keeping you in line and cheering you on.

Get the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2 if you need help doing your Kegels and think some pleasure and guidance would do the trick. But if that’s not your situation, there are other vibes that would be better for your purposes. They may not have a medical degree like Doctor Whale, but hey, can’t win ’em all.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.