Review: Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator

Kate Sloan

People often tell me they wish they had my job, and I get it – but the truth is, it’s still a job, and a job means work, and work isn’t always fun. Sometimes I pout and groan and mope when I have to test a toy. Sometimes I flop dramatically onto my bed and announce to my spouse, “I don’t WANT to test toys today!!” Sometimes I would simply rather read a book, or play a video game, or write a sad personal essay than put a foreign object of uncertain quality onto my genitals with one hand while taking notes with the other. I know it sounds strange, but it’s true.

I was feeling similarly petulant about toy-testing the day that I first put the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator on my clit – and let me tell you, this toy changed my mind fast.

While described primarily as a suction toy, this little egg seems to also incorporate vibration into its design. I’ve tried plenty of toys that paired vibrations and pressure-waves in similar ways, but that pairing feels more seamless in this toy than in any others I’ve tried. The vibration (if indeed it is there) feels immediately way rumblier than what you’ll find on other toys of this type, and profoundly enhances the intense clitoral suction this toy can create.

“Intense” is, in fact, one of the main words I’d use to describe this toy. The suction/vibration combo makes even its lowest setting feel like a mid-range speed on a luxe rechargeable vibe (think Lelo or Jopen). While this will surely be a huge advantage for many users, for me it’s sort of a mixed bag; the “mouth” of this little egg is only really big enough to focus on the tip of my clit, the area that most vehemently dislikes overly intense stimulation. However, as with some other toys like this, I’ve found that it helps immensely to reposition the mouth so it sits on top of my clit, stimulating it through the clitoral hood. This softens the sensation substantially so that I can enjoy the toy’s intensity without tipping over into discomfort or pain. As a bonus, there’s an extra ring of silicone around the mouth that feels lovely on my labia during use.

There are 10 different modes available to you with this toy: 3 steady speeds and 7 patterns. The steady speeds aren’t as spaced-out as I would prefer, striking me instead as basically “high,” “higher,” and “highest.” Some of the patterns are too erratic and inconsistent for me to enjoy them, although they’d work well for intentional teasing, edging, or denial. A few of the patterns are uncomplicatedly pleasurable, though; I especially like the steady pulse modes, because there are almost no breaks between pulses and the pattern feels more like actual oral sex than steady stimulation does (particularly when well-lubed).

The cute egg shape of this toy has its benefits and its drawbacks. It’s aesthetically pleasing, doesn’t really “look like a sex toy,” and fits nicely in my hand. It’s probably too bulky to use while having penetrative sex in missionary position, unless you make some modifications to the position, but that same bulkiness makes it fantastic for hands-free play – just a little pressure from my thighs keeps it exactly where I need it. When using it this way, I can place one fingertip on the gently pointed end of the toy and thereby control its exact angle very precisely – and I don’t know about you, but angle of clitoral suction can make a lot of difference for me in terms of sensation, especially as I get closer to orgasm. This hands-free (or nearly-hands-free) method of using the toy also pairs especially well with cunnilingus fantasies, I find.

While it’s decently quiet while in use, this toy makes a slurpy racket when you’re positioning or repositioning it on your vulva, so it’s likely not the best choice if you need to remain nearly noiseless. That said, I wouldn’t generally expect a toy that costs $25 (!!) to be quiet anyway.

Yes, I did just say that the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator costs $25. I think that’s astonishingly reasonable, given that this toy is as powerful as some of my $120-150 vibrators and pressure wave toys, if not moreso. It’s also rechargeable and waterproof, both qualities you don’t tend to see at this price point. The main reason I’m shocked at its low price, though, is that it’s rumbly as hell. Unlike buzzy vibes, this one makes orgasm feel within reach for much of the time that I’m using it, and doesn’t seem to numb me out even after 5+ minutes of use. It makes my legs shake, and makes me feel – regardless of what mood I was in before – that testing sex toys isn’t worth moping about after all.

 

This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

7 Ways I Manage My Energy As a Chronically Ill Freelancer

Kate Sloan

There are many ways in which I am deeply privileged, and one of them is that I’ve been able to carve out a career for myself as a freelance media-maker working from home – which comes in handy an awful lot, seeing as I’m also chronically ill.

In my early 20s, I had an office job where my shifts went from 6 a.m. to 12 p.m.; I had to set my morning alarm for 4:45 a.m. to get out the door in time, and even then, I often arrived late, foggy-headed and clutching caffeine like a lifeline. I literally can’t imagine what it would be like to try to do that now, in my 29-year-old achy body that sometimes needs 2-3 days of rest to recover after carrying a load of groceries home.

Energy management has become a more and more important skill for me as my illness has gotten worse. It’s not easy, but usually it can be done. Here are some strategies I rely on; maybe they’ll help you, too, if you have issues balancing your energy levels enough to remain as productive as you want to be.

 

Change locations. You know how competitive swimmers often shave their body hair so they’ll be more aerodynamic (or, uh, aquadynamic)? That’s a great illustration of a principle I find paramount while living with chronic illness: If a task is hard, lessen or eliminate every changeable factor that is making it harder, even if those changes seem small or insignificant. They add up.

This is why, when I’m having a bad pain/fatigue day, sometimes I won’t even sit at my desk when I start work – I’ll just roll over, grab my iPad, and work in bed. Or curl up on my couch with my phone and start answering emails. If I feel depressed or isolated, sometimes I’ll take my iPad or notebook outside with me, and get some work done in a park or on a bench somewhere. All of these alternate locations can feel less physically and mentally demanding, somehow, than sitting at my desk – and that can make a big difference in my overall output.

 

Take breaks to rest. I used to “rest” mid-workday by eating lunch at my desk while watching a YouTube video, or (even worse) catching up on articles I’d been meaning to read. But this isn’t really rest, in my opinion – or at least, it’s not sufficiently restful to charge me up in the way I need when my workflow is interrupted by fatigue.

I’ve learned that I need to take at least 1-2 periods of actual rest during any given workday. For me, that looks like spending anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour lying in bed, doing something very low-effort like reading a not-super-cerebral book, listening to a podcast, playing a video game on my Nintendo 3DS, or literally just lying there. It makes a HUGE difference for me; I find myself much more alert and able to work after resting for a while.

I’ll also take naps as needed, complete with an eye mask and earplugs (would recommend), but I try to limit those because they can fuck with my sleep schedule.

 

Weekend Wednesday! My spouse’s company is currently testing out a 4-day work week program, after news of excellent results emerged from other companies doing the same. They’re taking Fridays off – but I’ve recently started doing something similar: taking Wednesdays off.

There was one glorious semester during my time at journalism school when I had classes on Monday and Tuesday, and on Thursday and Friday, but none on Wednesday. It meant I could take a break, in the very center of my week, to recoup and prepare for the rest of the week. Sometimes I’d sleep all day, if that’s what I needed; sometimes I’d catch up on homework, do some errands, spend time with family, go to doctors’ appointments… whatever I wanted or needed to get done, but didn’t have the energy to do after 6-hour lectures on digital journalism ethics.

I recently decided to try to return to this routine. CGP Grey calls this practice “Weekend Wednesday” (although, in his version, you work on Saturdays to make up for it – which I don’t do if I can help it). It has helped a ton; my Thursdays and Fridays go much smoother now that I’m not totally run-down and haggard by the time they arrive. I think calling this practice by its cute alliterative name somehow legitimizes it in my mind; I no longer feel guilty about taking the entire day off each week. I know I’m extremely lucky to be able to do this.

 

To-do lists galore. I can’t manage my energy effectively if I don’t even know what energy-expending tasks will be expected of me on any given day. Every morning, I write out my tasks for the day in my Notes app. Sometimes – especially on days when I feel under the weather – I’ll write myself (or ask my partner to write me) a schedule, with certain tasks assigned for certain times of the day. This allows me to map out everything I have to get done and space everything out appropriately.

I also find to-do lists helpful on days when I can’t get everything done, because instead of despairing about what a failure I am, I can just move those items to the following day’s list, and trust that I’ll do them then.

 

Spacing & pacing. There was a time, earlier in my life, when I could have, say, recorded 2 podcasts, written a blog post, had a catch-up phone call with a friend, cooked dinner from scratch, and gone to a party, all in one day. There was a time – but that time is no longer.

I’m in the privileged position now of (usually) being able to space out my appointments and deadlines in a way that respects my waning energy levels. I try, for example, to never schedule more than one podcast recording in a day, because they’re one of the most energetically draining things I do all week. I also try to keep big assignments’ deadline days completely open, so I can spend the whole day polishing and editing, without needing to stress about getting anything else done.

When I find myself overbooked, I schedule at least an hour of rest between activities – and if I can’t do that, I plan to take it easy the following day, because I’ll need to.

 

Maintain boundaries. As many freelancers have learned the hard way, “I create my own work schedule” can all too easily devolve into “I work all the time.” I used to, but now I do not, because I cannot.

These days, my work hours are generally 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.; I’ve learned from experience that while I can work outside of those hours, the quality of the work tends to suffer if I do. It is difficult sometimes to hold this boundary, particularly when it comes to scheduling guests on my podcasts, but I try my best to stick to it, because even the coolest, most captivating guest would prefer to talk to the version of me who isn’t slurring from fatigue and distracted by pain zaps.

I have to maintain time- and energy-related boundaries in my personal life as well as my professional life. Often, this means leaving a social event while I’m still having fun, so I can get back to my bed before the ton-o’-bricks that is fatigue finally hits me. It sucks, but it’s necessary self-care, and also keeps my friends from having to deal with my tired, irritable self at those times.

 

Respect the body’s natural rhythms. As I mentioned, I tend to work from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. (if that), and that’s because I’ve observed that those are my most productive hours. I was only able to discover this for myself after quitting the dayjob that had required me to get up at 9 a.m. for 4 years. Life suddenly felt less cloudy, depressing and demoralizing once I was able to wake up whenever my body felt like waking up. (This same effect is also why, incidentally, I very nearly failed the only 8 a.m. university class I was ever forced to take, solely because it was at 8 a.m. Classic.)

Fellow chronically ill writer Esmé Wang has written before about getting her best work done between the hours of 4 a.m. and 9 a.m. That’s inspirational to me – to know yourself and your body well enough that you can design your life to suit your needs, and to unapologetically hold those boundaries. Ah, bliss.

 

Fellow chronically ill babes, what are your preferred strategies for managing your energy well enough to stay relatively productive?

My Most Expensive Sex Toys: Are They Worth It?!

Kate Sloan

I get a lot of questions from readers that amount to “Is [x sex toy] worth its price tag?”

It’s a difficult question, because the answer depends on so many factors. How much are you able to spend on toys? What types of stimulation do you like? What other toys do you already own? The list goes on.

However, we can do a certain amount of generalizing in order to say whether a toy’s price is overall reflective of its value. Today I’m going to attempt to answer that big question – “Is this worth it?” – about five of the most expensive toys in my collection. Let’s hop in…

Njoy Eleven

Price: $300-400 USD, depending on where you get it – although I was able to get mine for $180 CAD in a really great sale in 2015.

What makes it worth it:

  • The Eleven is huge, heavy, and beautiful. There is really nothing like it.
  • It’s one of the best tools in the biz for intense, focused stimulation of your G-spot and/or A-spot (depending on anatomy).
  • With two ends that are both absolutely splendid, you’re getting more bang for your buck – so to speak – than you’d get from a single-sided dildo.
  • The ridges on one side make for a comfortable grip, so you can fuck yourself (or get fucked by someone else) surprisingly hard with the Eleven, without as much exertion as some other dildos require.
  • Stainless steel is easy to clean and easy to sanitize. There are no tricky cracks or seams on this toy that require special care.
  • Stainless steel is also compatible with every type of lube, so you can use your fave and it won’t damage the toy.
  • It will last you your entire life – unless you lose it – and you will likely even be able to pass it on to your kin as a horny heirloom.
  • The Eleven comes in a gorgeous gift-ready wooden box. It also comes with an elegant leather bag you can use to store and transport the toy, both to avoid getting scratches on it and because it’s fancy as fuck.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • This is a very heavy and thus unwieldy dildo. Folks with strength/mobility issues – and even those without – may have a difficult time thrusting with it.
  • At 1.75″ and 2″ in diameter, respectively, both of the Eleven’s two ends are designed for users who like size – both girth and length (although you can insert as much or as little of the length as you like). Folks who prefer smaller dildos will likely struggle with this.
  • Furthermore, because the material is as unyielding as they come, this toy is the opposite of beginner-friendly. If you’re wading into the wild waters of Big Penetration, I think you’d be better off starting with something like the super-squishy VixSkin Maverick.
  • If you dislike texture, the ribbed side might not get much use (or any), which reduces the toy’s usefulness significantly.
  • The Eleven doesn’t have a flared base, so it’s not ideal for anal penetration – although I do know plenty of people who take it that way regularly without trouble. (It’s too heavy for your butt to really be able to swallow it up if you’re holding onto it and paying attention.)

Overall: Worth it, if you know for a fact that you like big, hard penetration, and you (or the partner[s] who’ll be fucking you with it) have no problem manipulating heavyish objects. This is one of my most-used dildos and remains a gleaming top-drawer fave nearly 5 years after acquiring it.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($399.99 USD), the Smitten Kitten ($400.99 USD), Come As You Are ($320 CAD/about $255 USD), Peepshow Toys ($399.99 USD)

Eroscillator Top Deluxe Soft Finger Combo

Price: $239 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • Nothing else feels like this toy. For me at least, it causes far less numbness/desensitization than standard vibrations (by “oscillating” instead of vibrating), and the pleasure and orgasms it produces feel much deeper and, uh, more pleasurable than what I get from a lot of vibrators, even high-end ones.
  • It’s well-designed for holding onto, even with lubey hands. That textured body means I can always keep a good grip on it and can flip between settings easily and quickly.
  • I have found the Eroscillator’s shape to be ideal for adding clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. It slips between bodies fairly easily and feels fabulous paired with penetration.
  • This Eroscillator (the Top Deluxe) is more powerful than the original by a significant amount. (Still may not be powerful enough for everyone, though, as discussed below.)
  • This particular set comes with every Eroscillator attachment worth having, so you can experiment with many different sensations. However, like many other sex educators who love this toy, I prefer the soft fingertip attachment over any other, and use it 99% of the time when I use this toy (if not more). Even if you choose to buy a standalone Eroscillator to save money, I suggest adding the fingertip attachment to your cart; it is next-level.
  • As far as clitoral stimulators go, this is one of the quietest I’ve ever encountered – so if you want clit stim but have to keep the noise down, this might be a good pick.
  • Compared to something like a wand, the Eroscillator is fairly travel-friendly – you can remove the attachment and wrap the cord around the body before packing it, and it takes up only about as much space as an average-sized dildo, if not less.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • It’s a plug-in toy, so you have to be near an outlet to use it (although the cord is 12 feet long so you have plenty of wiggle room if you need it).
  • Although the Top Deluxe is more powerful than the original Eroscillator, I still wouldn’t recommend it for any self-identified “power queens” (or other power monarchs), unless you’re trying to cut back on super-strong vibrator usage by trying something different.
  • A lot of people find this toy ugly. At this point it’s given me so many hundreds of orgasms that I don’t care, but you might.
  • The attachments are made of TPR (thermoplastic rubber), a porous material. (Why, Eroscillator, why?!) I have had zero issues from this after using mine for years at a time, in terms of any vaginal infections or irritation, etc., but it does mean you can’t safely share this toy with someone you’re not fluid-bonded with, unless you put a condom over it or each have your own separate attachments to use. You may also experience some discoloration of your attachments over time.
  • I once broke an Eroscillator by dropping it a few too many times, and couldn’t figure out how to repair it so I had to buy another one. However, this was after 3-4 years of using it multiple times a week, so I still consider it more durable/long-lasting than a lot of other vibes out there.

Overall: Extremely worth it. I would be lost without this toy. It gets me off more reliably and consistently than any other toy in my collection; I use it 5-6 times a week pretty much every week. If you like clitoral stimulation but find normal vibrators too numbing or overwhelming, or if you just want to try a truly unique clitoral sensation, I think this toy would be a good purchase for you.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($239 USD)

Lelo Sila

Price: $159-169 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • The “mouth” of this toy is bigger/wider/deeper than your typical pressure-wave stimulator, so it tends to work better for people with medium-to-large clits (including those of folks taking testosterone), as well as anyone who prefers their entire clitoral shaft, hood, etc. be stimulated along with the tip of their clit.
  • The flat “lips” around the toy’s mouth make it much easier to form a seal around your clit for deeper, more intense sensations. This also means that if you, like me, tend to take a lot of breaks while using clitoral stimulators, you likely won’t have to work as hard to re-find your clit and reposition the toy on it every time.
  • The buttons are relatively easy to see, find, and press.
  • I enjoy the toy’s simple, elegant, très millennial aesthetic.
  • It’s waterproof and rechargeable, though those qualities are more-or-less par for the course in this category.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • Some people say this toy isn’t strong enough. To me it feels pretty damn strong, especially since it stimulates more of my clit than other toys of its type, but your mileage may vary.
  • The Sila’s shape makes it difficult to pair this toy with intercourse. If you’re looking for a pressure-wave toy to put on your clit during PIV, I’d suggest the Satisfyer Curvy 2+ instead; it’s slimmer and more ergonomic for that purpose.
  • It’s made by Lelo, who are not exactly known as a paragon of ethics.

Overall: Worth it. The Lelo Sila has quickly become my favorite pressure-wave toy, because it stimulates more of my clit, more deeply, than any other toy I’ve tried in this category. The Satisfyer Curvy 2+ feels the closest, and is much cheaper – but if you have the cash, and want full-bodied clit stimulation in a luxurious package, I think the Sila is where it’s at.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($159 USD), Peepshow Toys ($169.99 USD)

Doxy Die Cast

Price: $190-210 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • It’s INCREDIBLY strong. Like, quite possibly the strongest vibrator I have ever personally used in 9+ years of sex toy reviewing, with the exceptions of jackhammery behemoths like the Sybian or Cowgirl. Folks who need or want a lot of power are frequently delighted by this toy.
  • It’s simply gorgeous. The aluminum body is shiny, sparkly, and a total showstopper at events and parties. Wands are not known for being visually appealing, but this is maybe the prettiest one I’ve seen.
  • The head and neck are covered in body-safe silicone, rather than being made of a shitty porous material that’ll break down and discolor over time like so many other wand heads. It’s easier to clean it and to keep it looking good. As a bonus, silicone also transmits vibration better than squishier materials, so the Die Cast’s stimulation feels more intense than that of the standard Doxy.
  • The “double-weighted” head of this toy makes it feel rumblier than other Doxy wands, although (as noted below) it still doesn’t always feel as rumbly as I’d want it to.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • Doxy’s quality assurance is infamously bad, and many of their toys have mechanical issues, such as vibrations skipping around in intensity or seeming to migrate to different areas of the toy unexpectedly. Presumably because of how widespread these problems are, I’ve often heard from buyers that they have a hard time getting in touch with the company for a replacement, and oftentimes even if they can, the replacement ends up having mechanical issues too.
  • The Die Cast, more than any other wand vibe I’ve tried, is HEAVY. This is the main reason I don’t use mine as often as I otherwise might.
  • Even this vibe’s lowest setting is VERY strong, so I wouldn’t recommend it for people who consider themselves sensitive or have tended to stay on the low end of other vibrators’ intensity ranges.
  • The vibrations get buzzier as they move up in intensity, and while the lower settings are slightly rumblier, overall this vibe isn’t as rumbly as I would hope or expect from a toy of this size, weight, and price. (However, I’m a “give me rumbly vibes or give me death” person and can still get off with this one, no problem.)
  • As with most other vibrators of this type, this one makes a lot of noise, especially on the higher settings. There’s a reason I called it “the belt sander of sex toys” in my review.
  • It has to be plugged in to be used. This doesn’t bother me at all but I know it’s less than ideal for some people.
  • Some people don’t like that the aluminum body of the vibe is naturally cold to the touch when you first pick it up.

Overall: Probably not worth it for most people. While the Die Cast is indubitably POWERFUL and gorgeous as hell, I think it has too many major flaws to earn its hefty price tag – especially when you can get the more reliable Magic Wand Rechargeable for a good bit less money, or the Magic Wand Plus for less than half the price of the Die Cast.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($189.99 USD), Peepshow Toys ($189.99 USD), Come As You Are ($265 CAD/about $211 USD)

New York Toy Collective Carter

Price: $165-175 USD

What makes it worth it: 

  • With its 7.5″ insertable length and 2″ diameter, this is a big-but-still-manageable dildo that’ll suit plenty of different types of people, and can be used anally, vaginally, and/or orally.
  • It’s a good size and shape for G-spot, prostate, or A-spot stimulation, though (as discussed later) it has trouble holding an angle so I wouldn’t recommend it for people who prefer intensely curved toys. I really like the combo of fullness and A-spot stim that my Carter provides.
  • It’s a “pack ‘n’ play” toy, meaning that it’s bendable so it can be worn in a harness under clothing if need be. It’s pretty big, though, so it might not be the subtlest thing. That bendability also means you can change the toy’s angle before/during use, if you’re so inclined.
  • It’s made of dual-density silicone, so it has a lovely, comfortable squishiness to it.
  • It comes in many different gorgeous colorways. Normally I don’t care too much about that but they really are quite pretty. It also comes in a few flesh tones.
  • New York Toy Collective is a queer- and trans-owned independent company well worth supporting.

What makes it not-so-worth it:

  • While you can bend this toy into various shapes and angles, it tends to straighten out over time during use. It’s also squishy enough that it feels generally stimulating rather than specifically focused on particular spots. If you’re looking for a realistic silicone toy of similar dimensions that can hit your G-spot or prostate with more vigor, I’d suggest the VixSkin Maverick.
  • As I mentioned above, the size of this toy makes it slightly impractical for “packing”/wearing under clothes, depending on what exactly you’re wearing. The smaller NYTC Shilo is better in this regard, though I don’t find that it feels as good.
  • The silicone is a little more draggy than that of some other realistic dildos I’ve tried, so thrusting it seems to require more hand/arm strength even when adequate lube is used.

Overall: Potentially worth it for some people, but less so for others. While I think this is a wonderful dildo that feels great and looks even better, it’s significantly more expensive than plenty of toys in its category. The VixSkin Maverick is cheaper and feels comparable but not identical (more squish/less internal pressure, more glide/less drag, a more pronounced head), but if you want a beautiful pack-‘n’-play with a pleasurably firm core, the Carter will deliver.

Where to buy: SheVibe ($164.99 USD), Come As You Are ($220 CAD/about $175 USD)

What’s the most expensive toy in your collection, if you have one? Do you think it was worth the money?

Behind the Seams: Summer Adventures

Kate Sloan

June 30, 2021

My beloved and I had plans for a long-distance date, i.e. I go to a bar/restaurant in Toronto and they go to one in New York, and we talk on the phone throughout. I was in a good mood that day, and felt like getting a li’l dressed up, with false lashes and all.

I went to my local British-style pub to sit on their patio. They’ve had a pineapple mezcal margarita on their menu lately and it is a divine drink to sip in summer while on an outdoor phone call with one’s far-away love. ❤️

A pro tip if you are intrigued by the idea of this type of long-distance date: I have found it helpful to wait until after I’ve ordered my food/drink to start the phone call, mostly so that I can explain to the server what I’m doing and let them know it’s 100% okay to interrupt me while I’m on the phone because it’s not, like, a business call or anything. Oftentimes they even think it’s cute once I fill them in!

What I’m wearing:
• Yellow dress – H&M
• Yellow/pink striped silk scarf – probably thrifted at Value Village
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Black leather ballet flats – J. Crew (surprisingly, they are holding up much better than my previous pair, the Carson style by Frye, of which I have destroyed TWO pairs just by going on lots of walks every summer)
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Apple Watch with rainbow striped band – a hand-me-down from my spouse
• Sugarpill “Saint” false lashes (the same style I wore on my wedding day!)

July 10, 2021

I was recently asked to be an interviewee on a TV documentary that will be airing on the CBC called The Great Canadian Sex Survey. This was the day I went to their rented studio space, the Darling Mansion, to be interviewed on camera. They wanted to talk to me specifically about asexuality and the ace spectrum, but we also touched on a number of other topics during our ~2-hour interview, from masturbation to sexual shame to finding eroticism outside of sex.

I showed up with frizzy hair and a naked face, because I knew they had a hair and makeup artist on set. She introduced herself when I arrived – her name is Vanessa Baudner and she’s a delight – and we chatted away while she styled my hair and gave me, at my request, winged eyeliner and a bold lip. (The lip is not pictured because she hadn’t put it on yet when I took this selfie.) It had been years since anyone but me had done my makeup – what a relaxing treat!

I thought this red dress captured the “professional, but fun” vibe I hoped to convey in the documentary, but they had also asked me to bring some alternate wardrobe options in solid colors. As it turned out, we were filming in a room with red and gold wallpaper, so they thought a different color would pop better; I switched this one out for a blue dress I’d brought, which looked great with my red lip. I’d been worried about seeming socially awkward upon being thrust onto a film set with a crew of about 7-8 people, but it was actually a super fun day!

What I’m wearing:
• Red dress – bought from Winners many years ago to wear to a wedding rehearsal dinner; the brand is Monteau
• Black leggings – H&M (the sound tech guy was confused by these at first but the waistband ended up being a great place to attach the machinery needed to run my clip-on microphone)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Canvas tote bag packed with extra outfits and makeup – Her Highness
• Black KN95 mask

July 13, 2021

This was my new cane‘s maiden voyage. Having never used a cane before (except for possibly as a prop in some high school drama scenes?!), I wanted to practice the coordinated motions involved in walking with one. Before researching it, I didn’t know, for example, that you’re generally supposed to use the cane on the side opposite your weak/sore/injured side. Thanks, random mobility-aid educators on YouTube!

I walked around my neighborhood for about 20 minutes, practicing syncing up each step with the cane and moving some of my weight over onto it to alleviate the pain in my left knee. I wore headphones because I was (perhaps slightly irrationally) worried people would loudly comment on my cane, ask me questions about it, etc., but I don’t think anyone did. By the end of my walk, using the cane felt much more natural than it had when I started. Yay!

What I’m wearing:
• Navy “making it happen” T-shirt – Forever 21
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier many years ago
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
• Chrome-plated blue wooden cane – Fashionable Canes
• Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones – a gift from a fan of mine who is a headphones fetishist

July 22, 2021

Unfortunately I didn’t think to take a full-body photo of this outfit, but this is what I wore to attend a movie theatre screening of Bo Burnham’s Inside with my friend Dan. It was my first time being in a cinema since before the pandemic – pretty weird!

After weighing numerous outfit options relevant to the film – including wishing I owned white overalls and trying to decide whether cosplaying as the “Welcome to the Internet” guy would be feasible – I ultimately settled on an ensemble inspired by one Bo wears in his song “White Woman’s Instagram.” True, it’s not quite as striking as seeing a 6’5″ male comedian wearing nothing but a plaid flannel shirt shrugged off one shoulder, but it’s something!

The audience at the screening was much more subdued than I had expected. No singalongs or hands waving in the air. It was still a fun time though!

What I’m wearing:
• Green/blue plaid flannel shirt – the Gap last fall; I think this was the first time I’d ever actually worn it?!
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear (I love that this nightgown is outdoors-appropriate and layers seamlessly under anything)
• Blue lacy bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre

5 Unexpected Ways Music Can Improve Your Sex Life

Kate Sloan

Music is an important part of sex for many of us. Whether we prefer to set a sultry mood with some rainy-evening piano jazz, summon our inner goddess with a Beyoncé album, or rock out to Nine Inch Nails while taking a nine-inch dick, it’s clear that music can affect the vibe of an encounter – for better or for worse.

I learned about the “for worse” side of things when a Tenacious D song came up on shuffle while I was blowing my boyfriend at age 20… and again, when I fucked a singer/songwriter and one of his own songs started playing mid-bang… and again, when I had an ill-advised one-night stand with a random Tinder guy who insisted on listening to terrible white-boy rap while we got it on, and didn’t have a Spotify Premium membership so our flow was interrupted every few songs by a cheery ad reminding us to pony up for a subscription. (I could’ve let him borrow my login for the evening, I suppose, but then I wouldn’t have gotten this weird story out of it…)

That said, beyond just establishing a sexy atmosphere, there are other potential uses for music while engaging in sexytimes. Here are a few of my faves…

Set the tone for a roleplay. You may not be a fan of chamber choir music/classic 1970s rock/Enya-esque atmospheric crooning, but maybe your character in a roleplay is. Fans of sexy roleplay use many different tricks to help them get into character, from wardrobe to fragrance to changes in vocal inflection, but I find that music can put me into the headspace of a particular persona more quickly than many other routes. Listening to the Backstreet Boys, for example, takes me right back to my wistful teenage yearnings, while my favorite EP by A Yawn Worth Yelling makes me feel like the type of pop-punk princess I’d only ever embody in fantasy.

Keep rhythm more easily. Many people struggle with maintaining a rhythm during sex, and while it doesn’t always matter, sometimes it very much does. Whether you’re trying to fuck someone at a consistent speed with your strap-on so they can get off, playing with an impact bottom who loves a rhythmic flogging, or just enjoy making cool soundscapes with the odd noises sex produces, having a song on in the background can help you maintain the steady beat you’re looking for.

Set yourself a timed challenge. When I was 15, I had a super-loud “body massager” I’d bought for $6.99 from a local discount shop, which I liked to use as a vibrator. Because it was so noisy, I’d often turn on some music before I began. For a while I had the beloved album Holiday in Rhode Island by the Softies in my CD player all the time, so its first track, “Sleep Away Your Troubles,” underscored a lot of those wank sessions. After a while, I started issuing myself little “challenges” – mostly, aiming to reach orgasm before the first song ended. It was 3 and a half minutes long, so – while I probably wouldn’t be able to do this now, with my 29-year-old body – at 15 it was no problemo. If you want to do something similar, you could see how many times you can make your partner come over the duration of a favorite album, “make” your submissive take a nasty whipping until the current song ends, or edge yourself for three whole songs and then let yourself come during the fourth one. Or make up your own strange challenge!

Process pain with aplomb. Along with methodical breathing and a hefty dose of cannabis, music is one of my favorite tools for mitigating pain during sadomasochistic scenes. Before giving me a spanking, sometimes my partner will put on an album I know well, like The Party by Andy Shauf or Landmark by Hippo Campus, and I’ll sing along (to the extent that I can) while getting beaten. I swear it reduces the intensity of the pain for me by at least 20%, without reducing the yummy side effects of that pain, like the endorphin haze and feeling of sweet submission.

Keep one foot on the ground. My friend Bex has told me before that he sometimes struggles with dissociation or wandering thoughts during sex, and that music can reliably help with this. I have found the same thing – it’s all too easy for me to float off into my own head when the room is silent during sex, while listening to music (especially music I’m very familiar with) helps me stay aware of the passage of time, and of the sexy things that are happening.

Is music an important part of your sex life? What role(s) does it play for you?