Monthly Faves: Blue Leather & Deep Rest

Kate Sloan

Wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve done one of these! Here are some of my fave things from January and December…

 

Media

• Matt and I devoured all of Schitt’s Creek together in a matter of weeks, and it’s truly wonderful. Dan Levy is a national treasure, Catherine O’Hara’s costumes and diction regularly made me screech, and it’s so amazing to see queer relationships being depicted in a setting that intentionally lacks homophobia. Would recommend if you’re looking for a new feel-good show to watch and you love black leather, musical theatre, pansexual weirdos, and/or silly sitcoms.

• Some TikTok youths started collaboratively writing Ratatouille: the Musical as a joke, and then it turned into an actual show benefiting the Actors Fund. I hadn’t seen Ratatouille so we watched it the night before seeing the livestreamed musical. The songs absolutely slap; I was particularly enamored with Tituss Burgess’s impassioned portrayal of Remy the rat, and Adam Lambert singing the hell out of a bop called “Rat’s Way of Life.”

• I got to read an advance copy of Torrey Peters’ new novel Detransition, Baby, and it’s a fucking tour de force. A trans woman writing a poignant trans and queer story full of wit, wonder, and social commentary? Yes please!

• The brilliant music writer Sean Michaels makes a list every December of his favorite 100 songs of the year, and it’s always a goldmine of fantastic music recommendations and beautiful music writing. The 2020 list was especially juicy; I made a playlist of my faves and have been steadily absorbing them ever since.

• In an attempt to understand the former president’s psychology a little better (such as it is), I read his niece Mary Trump’s excellent book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Here are my highlights from the book, if you’re curious. There is some absolutely buckwild shit in there.

 

Products

• Matt’s present to me for our 3rd anniversary was a set of pale blue leather bondage restraints from Anoeses. It’s sooo luxe and stunning. I keep wanting to dress up in lingerie + heels + these restraints to do a super glamorous kinky photoshoot.

• I’ve been really enjoying the ways in which my partner and I play with consensual financial domination lately. (Should I do a blog post reviewing all the fancy presents I’ve “forced” them to buy for me?!) One of the manifestations I think we both enjoy most of this is when I “make” them buy me things when they’re super turned on, as a precondition of letting them out of chastity, or even just giving them some mild vibration with a Magic Wand through their cock cage. One such purchase that made me swoon this month was a Coach Willis bag colorblocked with black, grey, and pale blue. I’ve always loved the Willis style for its structured shape and clean lines, and already own a vintage black one, but the modernized, updated design is gorgeous in its own way and feels very grown-up. Maybe I’ll wear it to some businessy event in the future, if such a thing exists…

• Another recent findom gift: a navy-blue Extra Large Warmer scarf from Yokoo, whose knitwear I’ve always thought was sublime. She made me a cranberry-colored cowl a few years back that is definitely one of the warmest things I own (which is important to us Canadians!), and this new one is every bit as cozy and makes me feel like urban glamour personified.

• With new variants of COVID floating around, it seemed prudent to invest in some better masks than the flimsy fabric ones from Etsy I bought early last year and had been wearing ever since. I bought a trio of new ones from Sartor Masks and am very happy with them – they’re made of double- or triple-layered sturdy fabric, have a pocket for a filter, have nose wires that can actually contend with my big ol’ schnoz, and seem to fog up my glasses less egregiously than other masks have. Yay!

• Speaking of masks, albeit of a different kind… I’m an eye-mask evangelist, because wearing one every night has improved my sleep quality massively, thereby lessening a lot of my chronic illness symptoms. I decided to upgrade mine recently, and took the Wirecutter’s recommendation to buy a Nidra Deep Rest mask. It is truly next-level. Adjustable velcro strap, contoured nose gap, and deep eye cups that don’t interfere with the natural eye-fluttering that happens during sleep. Divine.

 

Work & Appearances

• The revered art-porn company Andrew Blake asked me to write some blog posts for them, so I wrote about sexy loungewear’s effect on self-esteem and the (un)importance of penis size.

• You know how some couples announce their engagement/marriage in the New York Times? Well, the first publication (other than my own) to acknowledge my marriage was Vice, in this great Chingy Nea article about making long-distance relationships work. Couldn’t have hoped for a better coronation into wifehood!

• The amazing folks at SheVibe have been making trading cards of sex educators, and I was so flattered that they asked me if I’d like to be included! My card makes me so happy. I only wish I really owned that cool blue leather jacket my illustrated avatar is sporting!

• As part of my continuing protocol where I have to learn and record at least one song per month, I recently learned how to play the song “Harvey” by Her’s, an earworm that had been haunting me. It’s a really fun track based on the play/movie Harvey – yes, the one with the giant imaginary rabbit. I love having a ukulele with me here while I’m stuck in New York – it makes it much easier to be away from home for this long.

• Recent discussion topics on the Dildorks included making marriage kinky, orgasm quandaries, our 2020 sex lives in review, household service in D/s dynamics, platonic touch and intimacy, sex and aging, and what happens when your long-distance relationship isn’t long-distance anymore.

• Some recent favorite essays from my Sub Missives newsletter: daydreams about the ideal New Year’s Eve outfit, answers to questions from the Sex subreddit, reminiscences of sneaky dildo adventures, and reflections on capitalism + card games with the cool kids.

 

Good Causes

• The Black Trans COVID-19 Fund provides the Black trans community with food, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities. They are doing important work and deserve your support!

• The Innocence Project works to exonerate people who have been wrongfully convicted and jailed, using DNA evidence. Brilliant and necessary.

• Unicorn Riot is a nonprofit independent media organization that seeks to “expose root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues through amplifying stories and exploring sustainable alternatives in today’s globalized world.”

• The Emergency Release Fund helps bail out trans people who have been jailed in New York City, because pre-trial detention can be a particularly high-risk time for trans folks.

Review: Sohimi Mini Tongue Vibrator

Kate Sloan

The sex toy industry has been trying for many years to produce something that feels like cunnilingus. While certain toys have managed to replicate an aspect of good oral, like the rhythmic sucking of a Satisfyer or the tongue-flicking of a Sqweel, none have really been able to mimic the whole sensation of receiving good head. I think that’s because it’s very person-dependent and anatomy-dependent, and usually involves a mix of sucking and stroking that toys are just not capable of yet.

That said, though – some of these toys still feel pretty damn good, even if they don’t exactly feel like oral sex.

Sohimi sent me their Mini Tongue Vibrator, and I was skeptical, but intrigued. Could a tiny silicone tongue really get me off? Could the motor of a $16 sex toy get me off in any configuration, for that matter?

I had been burned (proverbially speaking) by cheap tongue-shaped vibrators before. Usually they’re just made to look like a tongue, but don’t actually move like one or feel like one at all – they feel like vibration. This toy is a bit different, though: the tongue actually does move back and forth a little, albeit very fast, so it creates a sensation that’s much more akin to tapping or oscillation than vibration. In practice, this means that it doesn’t cause numbness as quickly as many vibrators do, and the rumbling seems to extend more deeply into my internal clit. Definitely a good thing!

I would strongly recommend using a ton of lube with this toy, because no one likes a dry tongue (except maybe Ellie Kemper in that one comedy video). Water-based lube is probably your best bet because the toy is silicone, but you’ll likely need to reapply (or reactivate the lube with a little water) periodically when it dries out.

Soft silicone “petals” form a ring around the tongue which is supposed to be able to create a suction effect if you press it against your vulva, with the tongue in the centre against your clit. I suspected this would not work for my body, and I was right – I prefer indirect clitoral stimulation so I tend to hold the tongue against the side or hood of my clit instead of directly on the head, like this method requires. However, I do enjoy the feeling of having my entire clit enveloped, at least psychologically if not physically.

Sohimi’s website says this toy is “super quiet without noise. You cannot be heard at close range by anyone when using this tongue vibrator,” and that’s just laughably untrue. It’s a loud toy; most flappy-tongue toys are loud, due to the nature of their mechanics. It’s loud enough to be heard clearly from across the room and faintly through a closed door. It does quiet down a bit when pressed against flesh, but not enough that I’d call it a quiet toy by any means.

As with many toys of this type, this one slows down a bit when you press it against your body – but unlike a lot of other toys for which this is true, the Sohimi one’s motor doesn’t struggle or overheat when this happens. As a result, I feel free to experiment with applying different amounts of pressure to achieve different intensities of tongue-flapping. More pressure = slower, rumblier flicks; less pressure = faster, buzzier, more aggressive flicks.

It’s cool to have that level of control, because this toy only has 3 steady settings. All the other ones are patterns, and I just can’t bring myself to care about patterns – I’m a steady-speed girl all the way. Offbeat rhythms are sometimes cool when an actual tongue does them, but with a robot tongue like this one, irregular intervals of vibration just distract and annoy me instead of turning me on.

While I was surprised by how powerful this toy is for its tiny size, I don’t think it’s quite strong enough to get me off. Either that or the highest speed is just too distractingly loud for me to reach orgasm with it. But I gotta say, I still think this toy feels really good and really unique, and that there are a lot of people who would enjoy it. It doesn’t numb my clit like most vibrators in its price range, it’s super portable, and I love its flowery aesthetic. With its mere $16 price tag (at time of writing), the Sohimi Mini Tongue Vibrator is probably the best oral sex simulacrum you’re gonna find for under $50. I wish it was quieter, but hey… real oral sex can be noisy too. 😉

 

This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

My Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Recommendations for 2021!

Kate Sloan

I’ll take just about any excuse to buy a sex toy for someone I love. Valentine’s is coming up, and while it’s a weird-as-fuck “holiday” in many ways, it’s also an opportunity to lavish a loved one with affection and appreciation – even if that loved one is yourself.

Here are some tried-and-tested gift recommendations that I think you and/or your sweetie(s) would enjoy!

 

Clitoral Toys

  • I still think the Satisfyer Penguin ($71) is one of the cutest pressure-wave clit toys out there. It’s even wearing a little bowtie, which feels Valentine’s-appropriate!
  • The We-Vibe Tango ($60) is one of the best and rumbliest clitoral vibes on the market. There’s a new updated version, the Tango X ($79), which has the benefits of a longer battery life, more vibration settings, and a more ergonomic grip – though if you’re strapped for cash, I still think the original is a wonderful toy.
  • I also love the Dame Kip ($85) – it’s strong, rumbly, and so so cute!
  • If you want a strong wand vibrator to rock your clit’s world, my top recommendations are, as ever, the Magic Wand Plus ($75) and the Magic Wand Rechargeable ($130). Get the latter if you really, really don’t wanna be chained to an outlet – but if you almost exclusively use vibes where there’s an outlet nearby, you’ll be fine with the Plus.

 

Dildos

  • If affordability is your priority (and I don’t blame you), I gotta heartily recommend the Funkit Toys NoFrilldo collection ($24-40). These colorful silicone toys feel great, look great, and are way more wallet-friendly than many dildos of comparable quality. They’re also harness-compatible!
  • The super-ripply Tantus Echo ($50) is a long-time favorite of mine. You’ll love this one if you like the “popping” sensation that happens when the coronal ridge of a penis or a dildo first slides inside you – it’s basically that, all the way down!
  • The Njoy Pure Wand ($110) is the gold standard when it comes to intense G-spot stimulation.
  • The New York Toy Collective Carter ($220) is one of my favorite dual-density silicone dildos. It’s a must-have for size monarchs and people who like getting fucked hard but don’t want it to result in internal bruising.

 

Penis Toys

  • You can’t really go wrong with a Tenga Egg ($9) if you’re looking for a disposable stroker.
  • The Fleshlight Quickshot ($32) is much more affordable than your standard Fleshlight, and because it’s open-ended, it can also be incorporated into a blowjob or various other activities. It’s also much easier to clean than the standard closed-end kind.
  • The We-Vibe Pivot ($119) is my favorite vibrating cock ring. Whether you want it for use during PIV or anal, or just to jazz up your masturbation, it’s got one of the rumbliest motors I’ve ever experienced in a cock ring and is pretty intuitive to use.
  • We-Vibe’s new ArcWave Ion ($229) uses the same type of pressure-wave technology you’ll find in Satisfyers and Womanizers, but focuses it on the frenulum of the penis. This makes it an especially good pick for people who are bored of their hand or conventional strokers, or even potentially people who experience genital dysphoria during penile masturbation.

 

Anal Toys

  • In my humble opinion, the Njoy medium Pure Plug ($70) is the best butt plug on the market. It’s simply the most comfortable, pleasurable, and beautiful butt plug I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a lot of them.
  • The Tantus Neo ($29) is an affordable silicone butt plug with a comfortably contoured base. It’s nothin’ fancy, but it does the trick.
  • For the discerning prostate stimulation connoisseur in your life, get the Lelo Loki ($169), a powerful and rumbly prostate massager that my partner adores.

 

Kink Toys

  • I can heartily recommend anything made by Unicorn Collaborators, a Toronto-based leather goods company. Get the Double Duty Cuffs ($30) if you want an easy way to try bondage (while looking cool as hell), or the KnuckleFucker hand harness ($50) if you want a new way to fuck your partner with a dildo (or vice versa).
  • The Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints system ($40) is an easy, affordable way to turn your bed into a bondage hotspot! I love mine and use it way more often than I would have predicted when I first got it.
  • A simple satin blindfold ($7) is a fantastic way to wade into sensory deprivation play without breaking the bank.

 

Strap-On & Gender Affirmation Toys

 

Miscellaneous

  • If you want a romantic science project to do together, you simply can’t go past the Clone-a-Willy Kit ($40) or Clone-a-Pussy kit ($70).
  • The Liberator Jaz ($72) is my favorite piece of sex furniture. It makes many sex positions/acts much easier and more comfortable to achieve, especially for folks with chronic pain, muscle weakness, etc.
  • A Liberator Throe ($130) is definitely a decadent splurge item, but if you and/or your partner(s) are prone to squirting – or just into messy sex/kink acts like wax play or sploshing – then it’s a must-have.

 

What are your Valentine’s plans this year, if any?

P.S. Here are some previous Valentine’s-related posts I’ve written over the years:

Review: Sohimi Hedgehog Vibrating Clitoral Sucker

Kate Sloan

Remember when the original Womanizer came out and was prohibitively expensive? This often happens when new sex toy technology is introduced into the market. First, it’s rare and pricey; then, gradually, it becomes more common and more affordable. Some of the reasons for this aren’t great (companies yoinking each other’s ideas and designs; the greedy capitalistic overemphasis on the bottom line), but on the plus side, this phenomenon allows the average person to experience types of pleasure that would have been financially inaccessible to them just a few years before. Yay!

I bring this up because the Sohimi Hedgehog vibrating clitoral sucker only costs $23 at the time that I’m writing this, which I think is pretty neat – especially given the prices of comparable clitoral pressure-wave toys, like the Satisfyer Penguin ($40) and VeDO Suki ($61). But is the Hedgehog worth paying $23 for? Let’s discuss…

I love that they called this toy the Hedgehog (at least, its instruction manual does; it has a much more generic name on Sohimi’s website), because it really does look like one, sans spikes. Where the spikes would go, there is instead a panel of ridged hard plastic, which is super helpful when you’re trying to keep a good grip on this toy in the bath, or with lubey hands.

This toy is, unfortunately, really loud. Maybe not as disruptively loud as an actual hedgehog, but definitely loud enough that I felt weird about using it in the bedroom with the door closed while my spouse was on a work call in the living room. Like most pressure-wave toys, it quiets down significantly once you put it on your clit, but it’s still distractingly loud at all times when it’s on.

Aside from that, my main problem with this toy is its tiny nozzle. This is very much a matter of taste, and of anatomy. It’s literally about one-quarter the size of the nozzle on the new Lelo Sila (which does, admittedly, have a bigger-than-average nozzle for this type of toy). I have found, in my adventures, that I prefer a bigger nozzle for pressure-wave toys, not because my clit is huge (it’s average to perhaps slightly above average), but because I like my clit to be covered by my clitoral hood when it’s being stimulated, and that’s not usually possible with smaller nozzles, which require me to pull back my hood so I can place the toy’s “mouth” around the very tip of my clit. As such, with the Hedgehog, I have to choose between putting my super-sensitive, exposed clit into its minuscule hole, and getting very little suction (if any) because the toy can’t form a seal properly around my clit and its hood.

If you know your clit is on the smaller side (which I realize is a difficult thing to know, since clit size is not discussed nearly as much, or in nearly as much detail, as penis size), you might prefer a small-nozzled toy like this one, mostly because the sides will touch your clit more directly than a bigger-nozzled toy so you’ll be able to feel more of the vibrations that are coupled with pressure waves here. But if you mainly enjoy the pressure waves (and the suction effect they create) and care less about vibration, I think a bigger nozzle would also be fine.

Other than this fatal flaw (for my particular body), I think this is a pretty cool toy. I love how small, portable, and cute it is. I love that it charges magnetically and can be taken in the bath or shower. The nozzle has gentler, more rounded-off edges than some of these toys do, which makes it comfortable, rather than pokey, when applied to my bits. The vibrations and suction feel decently rumbly and “bass-y,” and I enjoy them on my nipples if not on my clit. But the loudness and the restrictively small nozzle mean I won’t reach for the Sohimi Hedgehog nearly as often as I’ll reach for something quieter and more pleasurable, like another Sohimi toy I’ve previously reviewed here.

Sure is cute, though.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Pink Cowboy Boots!!

Kate Sloan

The past year has been an exercise in trying to find normalcy during a strikingly not-normal time. Some traditions can’t really be replicated when we all have to stay home as much as possible – but some can, and I’ve been doing my best to seize on all such opportunities.

One annual tradition of mine is taking my mom to see the Ross Petty pantomime at the Elgin Theatre. A handful of Toronto theatre geniuses put a different show together every year, usually telling a traditional story (e.g. Snow White, Robin Hood) through a modern lens. There are always flashy song-and-dance numbers, zany characters, and plenty of topical jokes. This past year, they obviously couldn’t do the show as per usual, so they livestreamed a highly produced holiday special loosely based on The Wizard of Oz. Naturally, I bought tickets for my mom and I as one of her Christmas gifts.

Her in Toronto and me in New York, we both got dressed up for the occasion, sat down in front of our respective TVs, and watched the show while texting each other the entire time. It was almost as good as crowding into front-row seats with her for the closing-day matinee like we always used to do.

What I’m wearing:

This was my outfit for Matt’s 30th birthday livestream, during which we raised a bunch of money for the Trans Lifeline. Really simple ensemble, but sometimes those are the best ones!

Let’s talk about these boots, though… They are the Dagget style by Jeffrey Campbell, and I first saw them when the notoriously pink-adoring Gala Darling posted them to her Instagram story to ask her followers if we thought she should buy them. I don’t know if she ended up pulling the trigger or not, but I was immediately smitten and filed them away in my list of “things I would buy if I had unlimited cash.”

However, during one of my beloved spouse’s recent stints in chastity, we were both craving some financial domination, so I pulled up my list… and after going back and forth between the boots, a few different bags, and a cashmere sweater, we eventually decided the boots were the right call. I promised I would (lightly) trample Matt with these fuchsia stunners once they arrived, and that certainly motivated them to hit “Add to Cart”! (I was true to my word, if you’re wondering…)

Speaking of “making” people buy me things for kinky reasons… I have an Instagram acquaintance from Germany who has a headphones fetish, and we recently got into a semi-flirty convo about headphones which culminated in him buying me this dreamy pair of Cowin E7s. I was mostly interested in them for aesthetic reasons (I mean, just look at them!) but they’ve actually turned out to be fantastic headphones for my purposes. You can use them wirelessly or wired, they have noise-cancelling functionality, they’re super comfy, and their battery life is epic (as of this writing, I haven’t had to charge them since their first charge about 5 weeks ago, despite near-daily use). Lovely!

What I’m wearing:

  • Pink fit-and-flare dress – H&M
  • Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
  • Metallic pink cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
  • Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones
  • Sparkly blue eyeshadow – Polar by Sugarpill (as with many glittery shadows, I think the best way to apply this one if you want extreme color payoff is to spray your eyeshadow brush with MAC Fix+ or another setting spray, and then dip it into the eyeshadow and apply it)

Sometimes it just feels good to dress up! I bought this dress to wear to a wedding a few years ago, and tossed it into my suitcase on a whim when I was packing for this extended stay in New York. It’s ended up getting more wear than I would have predicted, mostly because it feels definitively fancy and out-of-the-ordinary for me. When you’ve been bumming around in sweatpants and T-shirts all week, feeling increasingly depressed about the world, it can feel nice to throw on something pretty.

What I’m wearing:

I love to go out with Matt, even if just for masked walks around the city. We always have fun together!

This whole post is basically an exercise in re-styling. Since I’ve been living out of two suitcases for the past few months, I’ve had far fewer options available fashion-wise than I normally do – but sometimes creativity comes from limitations. I’ve enjoyed finding different ways to wear just about every piece I brought with me, to make sure I get the most out of them and don’t get bored of my temporarily limited wardrobe. It helps enormously if your wardrobe has an overarching color palette – I have a lot of black, pink, and blue in my wardrobe, for example, so it’s very easy to match things!

Matt’s adorable Mickey Mouse bag is from the Coach x Disney collection, which contains some of the cutest Coach bags I’ve ever seen. Matt is a huge Disney nerd, and bought this one for themself when I pointed it out to them. I like that it’s also nearly the same shade of red as their company‘s logo!

What I’m wearing:

 

Fellow fashion fans, what have you been wearing lately?

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!