6 Porn Games You Can Play Right Now

Kate Sloan
Communally watching fisting porn at Kate Sinclaire’s Airbnb before the Playground Conference in 2015.

Do you ever watch porn like it was a cinematic adventure, rather than a perfunctory wank tool? While I’ve consumed my fair share of porn solo for its intended purpose (ahem), I’ve also enjoyed many a social porn-watching session – giggling and marveling at the best porn sites with close friends and partners. Whether we end up commentating on a particular porn star’s stellar blowjob skills, perfect eyeliner, or sociocultural impact, this practice always leads to great conversations.

With that in mind, I have 6 ideas for you today of “games” you could play while watching porn with a loved one. Provided you know some cool people, these could be really fun!

“What Are You Into?”

This is the most basic of porn games, and also one of the most illuminating. Simply take turns loading up and showing each other porn clips you’ve enjoyed, and discussing what you find hot about each one. This is like the X-rated equivalent of those parties that devolve into people forcing each other to watch YouTube videos – except you’re going to do this version with the enthusiastic consent of all participants, right?!

Learning about the porn tastes of your partners can help inform the fantasies and scenes you might explore with them moving forward – while learning this shit about your friends is just fun. Plus you get to exclaim things like “Can you BELIEVE how big that dick is?!” and “Is he really going to come inside a watermelon?!”

Drinking Game

Okay, you don’t actually have to drink, because not everybody does. So replace “take a shot” in the following description with “swig some water” or “munch a snack” or “do a victory dance” or really whatever you please. In this type of porn game, you take a shot every time “x” happens in the porn you’re watching, and you get to decide as a group what “x” will be.

This works best if you customize the “drinking trigger” to the particular clip or genre you’re watching. For example, take a shot every time a mouthy porn star says “fuck,” every time you hear a choking sound in a blowjob scene, or every time a cheesy music cue overpowers the sounds of the performers. The (porn) world is your oyster!

Humiliation Kink

Dominant types, here’s a suggestion just for you: if your submissive watches porn as part of their masturbation routine, have them keep a list for a while of all the porn clips they watch. Then, whenever you feel like it, sit them down and “make” them show you clips from the list. You can mildly humiliate them by quizzing them about what they find hot in the scene, what made them come, and so on. This is a great way to extract useful information while also making your sub blush a whole lot!

Orgasm Race

This one’s pretty straightforward… Provided everyone in the room consents to this dynamic, get out your sex toys, lube, and whatever else you’ll need, and start jerking off to the porn on screen. Whoever reaches orgasm first wins some kind of prize… like getting to pick the next porn clip you watch!

It could be fun to “stack the deck” in this game by selecting clips you think are unlikely to turn people on – wacky fetishes, awkward dirty talk, or what have you – but remember that someone in the room might very well have the kink you’re ostensibly making fun of! As with any sexual experience you share with others, try to be as conscientious and open-minded as possible. You can delight in the silliness of a porn clip without mocking its content, but that’s a fine line to walk.

Dramatic Reading

Ever checked out the comments below your favorite porn clip? It’s almost guaranteed to be a hoot. After you enjoy a porn video with a partner or pal, scroll down and read some of the comments aloud. There’s usually weirdly a lot of vitriol in there (after all, it is a comment section on the internet), but you’ll likely also see a lot of enthusiasm and genuine joy. Plus a plethora of exclamation marks.

Shadow Cast

You know those Rocky Horror Picture Show screenings where enthusiastic nerds act out the story in front of the screen, casting shadows and making the movie into a much more real and immediate experience for everyone present? You can do that with porn, too!

Any time you see something happening on the screen that you want to do yourself, just grab a (consenting) partner and go do it. This works best at a sexy party full of people who are comfortable with each other; that way, you can switch off as necessary, because someone replicating a cinematic blowjob won’t necessarily want to copycat the anal fisting happening in the following scene. Just make sure to compliment each other’s technique and cheer each other on, so this game becomes less of a cutthroat competition and more of a shared celebration of sexuality!

 

Do you like to play games while watching porn? What are your faves?

 

This post was sponsored by The Porn Dude. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. Please note: A third-party producer for a porn production company associated with ThePornDude, PornDudeCasting, was recently accused of assaulting sex workers, including Aliya Brynn. However, I am assured by ThePornDude et al. that this producer (Sammy Mohamed) has been terminated from his position.

How to Last Longer in Bed

Kate Sloan

Ah yes, the perennial question sex educators get asked every day. It’s almost as ubiquitous as “Is my fetish normal?” and “Does penis size matter?” It’s that men’s-magazine staple, that heteropatriarchal battle cry, that insecurity-driven inquiry: “How can I last longer in bed?”

While I have issues with the premise of the question itself – which will become clear in the post to follow – I understand the reasons for it. People possessing penises are constantly told by our culture that those penises are the centerpiece of sex, and that a dick which fails to “perform” adequately is an unloveable, unwantable dick. This is bullshit, of course, but is understandably highly motivating for people who care about their partners’ pleasure (which we all should).

So here are some of my best tips for delaying ejaculation – keeping in mind that I don’t have a penis and these suggestions are mostly ones I’ve heard from friends and partners who do. It’s worth noting that some of these tips apply specifically to penetrative (vaginal or anal) sex, while some do not. That’s not the only valid type of sex, of course, but it is the type most often associated with the quest to “last longer.”

Practice. Kegel exercises (i.e. squeezing and releasing your pelvic muscles) and edging (i.e. approaching orgasm, backing off, approaching again, repeat ad infinitum) are both oft-recommended remedy regimens for coming too soon, because they help you learn to control some of the components of your ejaculation reflex. Self-control is a skill, and skills can be sharpened!

Masturbate beforehand. Many people report that this helps slow them down the second time around. Hell, I don’t even have a penis and it nonetheless takes me longer to come if I already came within the past few hours. Give it a shot and see how it affects you.

Change the order of events. You know you don’t have to give your partner an orgasm during penetrative sex, right? Make like Ian Kerner (wow, what a nerdy joke) and get your partner off first. Granted, this might not fly if their very favorite way to come is all over your dick, but it’s at least worth considering.

Think about something else. Not necessarily baseball, but… you get the idea. When my friend Brent and I interviewed the rapper Mega Ran on our podcast Question Box, for example, he told us he sometimes recites song lyrics in his head when trying to last longer. You could try focusing on deep breathing, or counting in your head, or recalling your favorite monologue from a Tarantino movie. Whatever works!

Use a delay spray. I recently had a chance to try out Promescent Climax Control Spray with my partner, and we’re agreed that we’re glad it exists. It uses a numbing agent called lidocaine to temporarily desensitize your dick. This has the disadvantage of potentially weakening your orgasm when you do finally have one, but that might be a small price to pay for getting to satisfy your partner in the way that you want to.

Wear a thick condom. Even if you don’t “need” condoms for contraception or STI prevention in your relationship, they’re still worth a shot for their desensitizing effects. Some companies even make condoms containing benzocaine to further numb you out, if that’s what you’re after.

Use hypnosis?? This is an odd one, but hear me out… My partner and I have experimented with planting the hypnotic suggestion that they’re not allowed – or in some cases, not able – to come before I do. Depending on your receptivity to, and experience with, hypnosis, this might be worth trying!

Slow down. Jackhammer sex is overrated – not to mention, in many cases, overstimulating. As long as it doesn’t bother your partner, try slowing down your thrusts and see how that changes your ability to last.

Switch positions. The time it takes to do this will allow your arousal to cool off a bit, plus some positions are anecdotally reported to slow down the onset of orgasm in the penetrating partner – mostly “cowgirl” (receptive partner on top) and the spooning position. Experiment to see which positions have this effect on you.

Change your definition of sex. Sex doesn’t have to end when ejaculation happens – and frankly, in many cases, it would be better if it didn’t! If you come “too soon,” just pull out some treasured toys, put your mouth to use, or get your fingers in the game. This is also a choice moment for not-strictly-sexual-but-still-enjoyable kinky activities like impact play or electrostimulation. Hell, after a few minutes spent on a “side quest,” you might even get hard again for round two.

Talk about it! In the vast majority of cases, the thing you’re so sexually insecure about isn’t actually that big of a deal – or at least, wouldn’t be if you talked it out with your partner(s). Find out whether their expectations of your boner are actually as high as you think they are. If not, take a load off and stop trying to manifest a superpowered dick!

What techniques have worked for you or your partner(s) in this regard?

 

This post was sponsored by the lovely folks at Promescent, who make that rad delay spray I was telling you about!

I Have Psoriasis… and I’m Still Hot

Kate Sloan

When my dermatologist diagnosed me with psoriasis, she stared sadly into my eyes and intoned, “There is no cure. This is a lifelong condition.”

Her grave demeanor made this skin condition seem like a death sentence – and indeed, for many psoriasis sufferers, managing symptoms is a daily struggle, as is managing people’s feelings about those symptoms, as well as your own. But my own case was relatively mild. I had a flaky scalp, some red and irritated spots on my face, and a handful of other unsightly zones scattered around my body. I wasn’t sad to receive my diagnosis – I was glad I finally had an answer, and some potential treatment routes to take.

In the years since, my psoriasis has gotten a bit worse but mostly stayed the same. My scalp still plaques and flakes; there’s a seemingly permanent red spot between my eyebrows that I cover with concealer when I can be bothered; my ears and butt and nose and hands all occasionally flare up with flaky bits. I use medicated shampoo and prescription ointments and they help, a little, sometimes. I’m doing okay.

For me, the worst thing about having psoriasis is the way it makes me feel like people are judging me and think my flakes are gross. I have no idea if they actually are thinking that, and no sexual partners have ever even said anything to me about it, except to occasionally point out an errant piece of dead skin I needed to pull out of my hair. But even the idea that they might think it’s gross is enough to make me want to stay clothed and celibate forever, sometimes.

For years, I’ve stopped partners from kissing or otherwise touching my ears, one of my grossest zones. Having my scalp scratched or massaged is a no-go for me, even though I like the way it feels, because I get too self-conscious about cascading flakes. I sometimes decline spankings (I love being spanked!) because I don’t want a partner to look at my butt. It’s sad, all the various ways this condition has impacted my sense of my own desirability.

It’s only really in my current relationship that I’ve begun to loosen that shame’s stranglehold on my sex life. I once asked mb if they still think I’m cute when I’m flaky, and they said, “Of course! You know what else is flaky? Croissants. And everyone loves those.” It was a funny joke, but nonetheless, I cried when I heard it, because no one had ever said anything positive to me about my psoriasis before. I stopped instinctively tensing up when they would kiss close to my ears or hairline; I stopped needing to keep my underwear on during spankings. I just… let them see my body. Let them see me.

Around this time, I also began reading the writer Clementine Morrigan’s musings on her own psoriasis. She wrote about her own feelings of shame and worthlessness, and the ways to chose to combat them, including by incorporating her psoriasis into sex. She describes watching a partner kiss her reddened skin, and hearing another partner gasp, “Your psoriasis! It’s beautiful!” I was, and am, grateful as ever to people who share the stories of their struggles in an effort to make others feel less alone. That’s what I’m trying to do right here, right now.

I haven’t yet figured out how to make my psoriasis sexy for myself, the way Clementine has. But I’m luxuriating in the love I feel from my partner whether I’m flaring up or fleetingly flakeless. While I don’t believe in the concept of “unconditional love” – you are allowed to have conditions, to set boundaries, to maintain standards! – this is the closest I’ve ever come to feeling that from a romantic partner. I know now that when they flip me over and see my scaly skin, they’re not going to leave me – they’re just going to love me harder.

Remotely Helpful, Part 3: Buddies & Boundaries

Kate Sloan

I’m back with more tips for working from home! These final 3 are crucial (but, frankly, all of them have been)…

#7: Find ways to combat loneliness.

Working from home is lonely as hell sometimes! Mostly I am okay with this, since I am super introverted and work best with minimal distractions (I still have nightmarish flashbacks to the office I once worked in that was filled with women in their early twenties constantly arguing about sex and dating). However, sometimes all that solitude is bad for morale! This is typically when I head out to a café (as discussed in my last post), text a friend for a mid-day chat, or schedule a co-working date with a pal if possible.

The most common way I deal with loneliness on the job, though, is social media. Twitter, Slack, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit: these services are often decried by productivity nerds for sucking up precious time and energy throughout the day, but used judiciously, I think they can be a godsend for lonesome freelancers. Where else could I gather on-the-fly opinions from my readers on stuff I’m working on, advice from fellow writers on methods and word choice, and terrible puns from sex-blogger pals across the globe?!

#8: Protect your time fiercely.

In my experience, if someone knows you work from home/are a freelancer, they’ll often assume that means you can do whatever you want whenever you want, deadlines be damned. I don’t know why they think this. It is annoying as fuck. Like, yes, I could step away from my computer for 2 hours on a Thursday afternoon to go see a movie with my mom or go shopping with a friend, and I appreciate offers to do so, but I don’t appreciate when those offers turn into pressure! This is even more aggravating when friends or family members see that you’re working but behave as though you’re playing a computer game or something – like they can interrupt you and distract you willy-nilly, because what you’re doing couldn’t possibly be real work, right?!

Now that I’ve gotten that rant off my chest… Being able to protect your time is really important as a freelancer. When a friend would ask me to hang out or do something for them, I used to say, “Sure, I’m free all day!” because that was technically true – my entire day was theoretically flexible and each item on my schedule was moveable. But nowadays, I’m more comfortable saying, “I’m free between [this time] and [that time],” or “I actually can’t, I have a deadline coming up, but maybe next week?” I’ve also gotten better at saying to people when they’ve interrupted me – in the politest way I can – “I have to get back to work now,” which elicits a surprised expression more often than you might expect. (Do these people… not know freelancing is work?!) This type of boundary-setting is mandatory for me if I’m going to get anything done ever.

#9: …but don’t forget to take breaks!

Trust me, your brainpower will eventually fizzle if you don’t give yourself enough downtime, and that type of burnout is really inconvenient when there’s a deadline around the corner! I understand the productivity-frenzied frustration of taking a break when you feel like you “have to” keep working – even if you’ve been working all day – but the “rest” part of the work cycle is truly just as important as the “work” part. Don’t lose sight of that!

I sometimes schedule things for myself specifically to force myself to take breaks – like buying a theatre ticket for a Friday night at the end of a busy week, or making plans to chat with a friend at a certain time so I have to get everything done by then and set aside my work for the day. I also like to use mid-day errands as a reminder to “switch off”: trips to the bank or the grocery store are restful compared to being hunched over a laptop, and I always listen to podcasts or music on my way to and from these places so my brain gets a little shake-up.

 

What are your top tips for working from home?

Remotely Helpful, Part 2: Locations & Logistics

Kate Sloan

Here’s part 2 of my 3-part series on working from home! I’ve got some more tips for you today…

#4: Mix up your location from time to time.

I know in my last post I proselytized the joys of having a functional at-home workspace, and that’s still important, but I nonetheless can’t imagine always writing at my desk at home. Eventually I always get bored and/or lose motivation. That’s when I know I need to shake up my location.

Coffee shops and libraries are great for this, and are staples for many writers – for actual scientifically-backed reasons, in some cases! If you know of a bar that’s chill about people bringing their laptops, that’s nice too (Northwood early on a weeknight is my Platonic ideal of a relaxed writing spot). I’ve known writers who loved to write in mall food courts, public parks, or subway trains. Just make sure that if you go somewhere with no WiFi (or with dicey WiFi), you prepare in advance any research materials you’ll need, so your work won’t be stymied by the lack of connectivity.

Of course, co-working spaces are also an option, but most freelancers I know don’t make enough money to be able to justify the expense. (For example, the Toronto Writers’ Centre charges $135/month, and Lemonade – Toronto’s answer to The Wing – charges $300-500/month. There are cheaper spots but all of them cost more than I’d ideally like to pay.) To approximate the co-working experience in a lower-budget way, you could head over to a friend’s house and work alongside them – just make sure to extend them the same courtesy another time, and bring snacks or coffee or something to express your appreciation for their generosity with their space!

#5: Give yourself structure.

This is probably the hardest part of working from home, and also the most important. Without a boss breathing down your neck, it’s easy to lose track of time and accidentally spend an hour scrolling through tweets on your phone or falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole instead of doing your actual work.

The most beneficial thing for me in this regard is also very basic: a to-do list. The psychological pleasure I get when I tick an item off the list – or, better yet, when I tick all the items off the list – is a powerful motivator. This is doubly true because my partner has access to my digital to-do list and can check on my progress throughout the day. Having an “accountability buddy” can be a big help!

Some writers have strict daily schedules that they stick to. My work is too sporadic to be able to commit to something that stable, but if it works for you, do it! I also know lots of writers who use task management tools like Trello, Asana, and Teamwork – the latter of which I use at my dayjob and enjoy, because it allows me to track the amount of time I spend on each task so I’m more aware of my own time-wasting/procrastination tactics as they’re happening.

#6: Pay attention to your natural rhythms and arrange your work accordingly.

For example, here are some things I’ve learned about my own rhythms:

  • With very few exceptions, I am not very creative before 11 a.m., so mornings are best spent on more rote or administrative work (e.g. answering emails, scheduling tweets).
  • I am pretty useless for at least a day after arriving home from traveling, so I do my best to ensure I have no deadlines during that window, or that if I do have one, I complete the work in advance.
  • Nights aren’t usually very creative for me, unless I give myself a second wind with caffeine (which peps me up) or alcohol (which opens my mind to making more freeform connections).
  • If I’m really, really into a piece of writing – I’m talkin’ flow-state, “don’t talk to me, I’m working” levels of absorption – I should keep working until that feeling dissipates, if possible, because that’s often when my best writing happens.

Work in our society is largely structured around the idea that you should work at appointed hours all the time even if you don’t feel like it, which – setting aside the hellish capitalistic labor-fervor involved in that idea – just isn’t really in line with how the human mind functions. Freelancers (sometimes) have the luxury of being able to follow our own natural creative rhythms and take advantage of their gifts; this is one of my favorite things about my job(s)!

 

More tips to come later this week! Have you found any of these principles helpful in the past?