Unique toys for impact play are one of my favorite types of item to collect. When you’ve worked in the sex toy biz for a long time, sometimes visiting sex shops can be monotonous, compared to the juicy joy it used to inspire – but the impact toy section is often nonetheless full of surprising treasures. Nine times out of ten, I’d much rather walk out carrying a new cherrywood truncheon made by a local artisan, or an exquisitely soft suede flogger with a bejewelled handle, than yet another silicone dildo or middling vibrator.
So, obviously, I was delighted when I learned about Glittertops BDSM Gear. This 100% trans-owned-and-operated business makes beautiful acrylic paddles full of glitter or rose petals or four-leaf clovers, which would be exciting enough on its own… but it gets better. You can ask them to put just about anything you can think of (within reason, and within the constraints of physics) into one of their products: as per the company’s owner, this may include “flowers, leaves, glitter, lettering, holographic stuff, inks, glow-in-the-dark pigments, UV pigments, etc.” So you can get yourself a paddle that is wonderfully, wackily unique to you and your tastes. Incredible!!
I was so overcome by the possibilities that it took me a while to decide what I wanted. I considered Reese’s Pieces, a favorite snack of mine. I considered blue flowers, since they’re an important symbol in my relationship. But ultimately, I couldn’t think of anything I’d want more in a paddle than Scrabble tiles. And what better words to have them spell out than my favorite honorific – the one I feel so strongly about that I got it tattooed on my thighs – “good girl”?
Jay at Glittertops asked me a few questions about layout and background, and then the finished paddle arrived in my hands sooner than I even thought possible. Y’all, it is STUNNING. Heart-shaped with a smaller heart cutout at the center, blue and pink glitter on a pale blue background, iconic Scrabble tiles down the whole length, and a lovely pink and blue braided handle. A true work of art, and unmistakably “me.” 😍
This is a fairly light paddle, though it has enough heft to feel impactful nonetheless. The design makes it slightly top-heavy, allowing for stronger hits with minimal effort, and the heart cutout makes it more aerodynamic so you can land harder hits. The handle is gently contoured and easy to keep a good grip on.
It’s pretty stingy, being as flat and light as it is, but has enough weight to it that the stinginess is grounded by some slight thud that makes it pleasurable instead of annoying (for me, at least). You can also turn it sideways for a much thuddier sensation, though it’s harder to hold that way.
I haven’t played with this paddle hard enough to cause bruising, but I think it would leave a nice heart-shaped mark, if your hits were consistently precise enough. Valentine’s gift, anyone?!
Perhaps my favorite thing about Glittertops Gear, however, is their Cannapaddle. It’s a paddle containing a dried marijuana leaf – so, perfect for the kinky stoner in your life! – and, wonderfully, 20% of the profits of each Cannapaddle are donated to the Washtenaw County Mutual Aid Re-Entry Fund, which helps cover the basic expenses of people returning from prison so they can get back on their feet. “Marijuana is recreationally legal in our state,” Jay told me, “but at Glittertops we believe it’s unacceptable that we can craft paddles that feature cannabis leaves but there are still thousands of POC in prison for minor marijuana-related offenses.” I could not agree more.
If you’re craving a Glittertops paddle – and they’re a reasonable thing to crave, given how excellent they are – you’re in luck! The code “GIRLYJUICE” (enter it at checkout) will get you a 20% discount on their products from now until Valentine’s Day (February 14th). Why not buy yourself (or a friend or partner) something pretty to get hit with?
Thanks so much to the folks at Glittertops Gear for making me this gorgeous paddle!