I’ve never sexually fantasized about humanoid reptile-like creatures, but I can sort of see the appeal. When depicted in media, usually they sensually hiss all their dialogue, emanate a charismatically evil aura, and are confusingly attractive. On top of all that, some slang terms for a penis include “trouser snake,” “one-eyed snake,” and “anaconda” – and a person who’s skilled at pleasuring cocks is sometimes known as a “snake charmer.” (I prefer “penis genius,” personally.) There’s even a whole subgenre of porn featuring people who’ve had their tongues split, which opens up new oral pleasure possibilities – and also suggests that plenty of folks are turned on by that serpentine aesthetic.
No doubt the threat of venom is part of these creatures’ erotic appeal, too. Many of us humans love a spicy dash of danger whipped into our sex smoothie, hence the proliferation of kinks like consensual non-consent and fear play – so it makes sense to me that some of us would eroticize, in fantasy, the fear that we are fucking someone who could literally poison us to death at any time if they wanted to. It’s similar to the tension at the heart of the Twilight series, which, poorly written though it may be, clearly reflected many people’s deeply-held fantasies or it wouldn’t have become so popular; in that story, a sexy vampire fights against his natural desire to drink blood, specifically the blood of the woman he is in love with. I wouldn’t want that to be my reality, but in fantasy at least, it can be hot to know that someone has the power to hurt you, and is choosing not to… yet.
All this has been on my mind lately because I’ve been testing out the Serpent King dildo from fantasy sex toy company Juliet Toys. I’m not sure that there’s anything especially serpentine about it besides the name, but whatever! Let’s talk about it.
Specs & size
As with many dildos on the Juliet Toys website, this one is available in multiple different sizes. I went with the small size, because I’m not feeling particularly vaginally ambitious lately – it’s got 4.7″ of insertable length and its widest diameter is 1.8″. The other sizes available range from 6″ x 2.2″ all the way up to 8.3″ x 3″.
This dildo is only available in one firmness, and I’d describe it as medium to medium-soft – I can bend the dildo fully in half with a bit of effort, but it’s firm enough that I can insert it into my vag or butt easily enough without it flopping around.
Things I like about the Juliet Toys Serpent King dildo:
- The coronal ridge and veiny texture are nice, and not too overwhelming like these types of textures sometimes can be, because the Serpent King’s silicone is relatively squishy. I find it most stimulating when I thrust it fast, whether it’s massaging my vaginal or anal walls – I tried both, and both holes were pleasantly surprised! Thrusted more slowly, though, it feels a lot subtler.
- I like that the small size is actually small. As I mentioned, my vag has been somewhat averse to larger penetration lately, and it’s surprisingly rare to find a fantasy dildo that isn’t massive.
- The silicone’s squishiness, while not ideal for G-spot or prostate stimulation (see below), lent a pleasant stress-ball-like effect to my orgasms as my vag rhythmically squeezed it. As per usual with this type of dildo, I found that it felt good during orgasm for this reason, but didn’t contribute much to my journey toward orgasm because it wasn’t stimulating particular erogenous zones.
- I always appreciate a dildo with balls, particularly since they are often easier to hold than standard dildo bases, even with my chronically sore hands, and they also help me keep the dildo oriented correctly inside me instead of rotating sideways during use. Also, the squishiness of this silicone formulation feels realistically balls-like in a fun way. (I guess I like balls, huh?)
- It only costs $49.90, making it a potentially budget-friendly pick.
Things I don’t like about the Juliet Toys Serpent King dildo:
- Unfortunately, Juliet Toys is a sister company of Nothosaur, which is not an ethical company (details here, with thanks to Vulpes, who kindly brought this to my attention). They sell a number of designs that appear to be copied from other companies including some small/indie makers, they have posted content featuring animal abuse (!!), and have sent legal threats to some people who have pointed out these issues. I find all of this behavior abhorrent and truly wish I was in a financial position right now to be able to cancel/decline these review assignments for this reason. I would recommend – for dildos in general but especially for fantasy dildos – that you buy from indie makers who design their own products and don’t rely on plagiarism and legal threats to stay afloat; some that I can recommend include Funkit Toys, Hole Punch Toys, Geeky Sex Toys, and Uberrime, but there are tons more out there.
- While the Serpent King is repeatedly described by Juliet Toys as a curved dildo that can hit the G-spot or prostate, in practice I find that its curve is far too mild and its silicone is far too squishy for that to be effective, at least in this small size (although I think the effect would be similar in larger sizes too). It brushes past my G-spot on each stroke, sure, but the bulk of the stimulation is just the textured surface against my vaginal walls in general; it doesn’t have the chutzpah to apply actual pressure to my G-spot, which is what that spot tends to want.
- Here’s a complaint I’ve never had about a sex toy before: The pee-hole (urethra? can a dildo have a urethra? idk!!) is weirdly deep, which makes it a bit tricky to clean. I suppose this is supposed to look reptilian or something?
Final thoughts
While I think the veiny design of the Serpent King is intricate and enjoyable (albeit probably plagiarized from another sex toy company), I can’t recommend in good faith that you shop at Juliet Toys, for the ethical reasons discussed above. *sigh*
I also just think there are plenty of better dildos out there, dildos that target the G-spot or prostate better – with a bang, not a slither.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.