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Monthly Faves: Rainbow Hearts & Bigger Love

Kate Sloan

Hope you’re having an okay day even though everything is difficult and chaotic right now! Here are some of my fave things from June…

Media

• The new Netflix documentary Disclosure is a brilliantly-produced history of transgender representation in film. With interviews from trans media luminaries woven together between clips of the relevant films and scenes (some good and affirming, some horrifically othering), it tells the story of how we got to where we are now in terms of trans media rep – which, let’s face it, is still often pretty damn bad. I really appreciated the perspectives of the trans people interviewed for this doc and I hope there are way more three-dimensional trans and non-binary characters in movies from here on out.

• This month I got to preview the forthcoming debut novel of a writer named Mateo Askaripour; you can preorder it here. It’s a Wolf of Wall Street-esque satirical story about the only Black salesman at an absurd startup business. The writing is hilarious, the pacing is quick, and the characters are wonderfully memorable – would recommend.

• This month my partner and I felt like watching some queer movies (happy Pride!) so we searched some popular LGBTQ+ film lists on Letterboxd, and ended up going with a Korean film called (in English) The Handmaiden. It’s a wild ride: there’s a Japanese heiress, a charismatic con man, ancient erotica novels, a mental hospital, some drag, and a lot of great queer sex. I love when a thriller manages to actually surprise me with its twists like this one did.

• The new John Legend album, Bigger Love, is yet another triumph from one of the finest R&B songwriters of our time. Some parts of it reminded me of his early days when his music was much more stripped down (seeing him play/sing solo piano tunes in 2008 was a highlight of my concert-going career). His voice just gets better and better over the years somehow.

• Greg from How to Drink is really delivering quality content lately. His videos on “vacation juice” from Animal Crossing and “cactus juice” from Avatar: the Last Airbender were so imaginative, informative, and fun.

• I can’t stop playing and replaying the Pokémon games (main series only – I’m a purist!). This month I replayed Moon and Shield and they are still some of the best in the series (I think my all-time faves might be X and AlphaSapphire though). Who’s on your dream Pokémon team? I still think the Galarian variant of Rapidash is one of the most beautiful characters ever created in this series.

• I’ve talked to you about my love for barbershop quartets before, but this month I got a bit fixated on the Newfangled Four’s medley of “Hello My Baby” in various different musical genres. The joke they make about “my heart’s on fire” makes me laugh every. single. time, and Jake Tickner’s vocals on the swing-inspired and Elvis-inspired renditions are dreamy.

Products

• I don’t have a ton of new shopping to report this month (there are better places for my money to end up, especially right now!) but if you are looking to purchase a Coach bag, you gotta check out bran_bran1984’s wonderfully thorough reviews of them on YouTube. Sometimes you just gotta see a bag in action before you can add it to your cart in good conscience, y’know?

• One thing I did buy was an 100% silk vintage Victoria’s Secret robe in a beautiful pink rose print from FlyGirlOutlet. If I have to lounge around at home constantly, I might as well do it in glamorous loungewear.

• I’d never owned a pair of prescription sunglasses before, but when I saw that Zenni is donating proceeds from their (very affordable) rainbow eyewear to the It Gets Better project, I decided it was time. My new rainbow cat-eye sunglasses are so dramatic and glam. I also got a pair of rainbow Wayfarer-style regular glasses for good measure.

• One of my mom’s Christmas gifts for me last year was a body pillow, and it came in very handy this month as I’ve been dealing with pinched nerves in my elbows (ow) on top of my regular chronic pain and need to keep my arms as straight as I can for as much time as possible while they heal. Folks with chronic pain, if you’ve never tried a body pillow, I highly recommend it – they can take pressure off your achy parts in surprisingly relieving ways!

• My current home-decor obsession is Command hooks. They’re the best solution for renters who want to hang stuff on their walls. Currently I have some allocated for impact-play toys, some for purses, and some for my various fabric face masks, so I can quickly grab one when I’m on my way out the door. My room is tiny so any extra storage space is helpful!

Work & Appearances

• My good friend Dick Wound invited me onto his podcast Being There to discuss life as a sex journalist. The week before, he had my partner Matt on to tell the story of how we met and how we decided to “come out” as a couple. Aww, romantic.

• Dick’s cohost on his other podcast Off the Cuffs, Minimus Maximus, also cohosts a show called WKIF (We Know It’s Fake) where him and former wrestling commentator Craig Johnson watch footage of an old wrestling event with someone who’s not ordinarily a fan of the sport and then talk about it. They had me on to discuss an episode of LPWA (the Ladies’ Professional Wrestling Association) from the early ’90s, and it was a blast.

• Remember when I reviewed the Clone-a-Willy? Xtra asked me to write about the experience in more detail and provide some tips for those embarking on this process. I still think this product is the perfect gift for your quarantine sweetie!

• This month on the Dildorks, we interviewed Andre Shakti about her new online strip club, chatted with Gwen Adora about running an online sex work business, and had some interesting discussions about sex while stressed and celebrating Pride in quarantine.

• In my newsletter this month, I highlighted books by authors of color that you should read, pondered the notion of “being in trouble” in the context of my trauma, put together cute pretend outfits I would wear to 5 places I wish I could go, and discussed the importance of knowing a sexual partner’s tastes through the lens of sex scenes in movies I’ve seen recently.

Good Causes

• Critical Resistance is working to abolish the prison industrial complex, an institution which, as our current political moment is really driving home, is pretty fucked up. Straight-up donations are great, but if you’d like to receive something for your cash, they have some truly cute merch that shows off your passion for the abolitionist movement. I already gave once but now I’m eyeing that comfy-looking grey “Building People Power” sweatshirt…

• The Okra Project hires Black trans chefs to cook good wholesome meals for other Black trans people. I love the practicality of this; as anyone who’s ever gone through grief or profound depression can tell you, sometimes it’s the “simplest” and most practical things, like making a meal or doing the dishes, that are hardest to do and that can be the most appreciated when someone else steps up to do them for you. This organization is also running a COVID-19 aid fund for Black trans folks and has just started some new programs for supporting that community’s mental health as well.

• The Black Coalition for AIDS Prevention is based here in my hometown of Toronto and is Canada’s largest Black-specific HIV/AIDS service organization (amazing!). They work to reduce HIV’s spread in Toronto’s Black communities and improve quality of life for Black folks living with HIV/AIDS.

• There continues to be a lot of bullshit transphobia in the world, so a donation to the National Center for Transgender Equality is always a good idea. They’re working on changing policies to increase the general population’s understanding and acceptance of trans people. Some of their current projects include the Trans Legal Services Network and a racial and economic justice initiative.

• The Internet Archive is seeking new donors so it can stay online. This resource is invaluable, especially now in an era when disingenuous politicians and terrifying alt-right trolls are constantly trying to deny and erase the truth in favor of their own absurd narratives. Preserving internet history is a way of preserving the truth, among other things.

Monthly Faves: Corona Coping with Comedy & Coach

Kate Sloan

Hope you’re holding up okay, loves. Here are some things that made my May more bearable…

Media

• First and foremost, I must direct you to watch all 3 episodes of Middleditch & Schwartz, a Netflix original miniseries of live longform improv shows. These two boys are some of the most skilled improvisors I’ve ever seen, and I say that as someone who used to improvise competitively and has been an improv fangirl/groupie her entire life! These specials gave me some much-needed laughs this month.

• Speaking of laughs, I also really enjoyed Bobby Knauff’s debut stand-up album Rock Bottom. I once saw Bobby perform comedy naked at the Oasis Aqualounge and have understandably liked him ever since!

• Have y’all seen These Thems?! It’s an adorable webseries about a bunch of queerdos flirting and fucking and learning about themselves. I think a lot of you would like it.

• I’ll probably write about this in more detail at some point – it’s still very fresh and I’m still processing it – but I recently took Clementine Morrigan’s online Trauma-Informed Polyamory workshop and it contains honestly potentially life-saving information for trauma survivors trying to do poly. If you struggle with “jealousy” in polyamory that manifests moreso as massive nervous-system distress, and you’ve endured traumas and/or attachment injuries, you really need this class.

• I’m slowly working my way through an advance copy of Emily Willingham’s forthcoming book Phallacy, a seemingly exhaustive and hugely amusing history of the evolution of the penis in humans and other animals. If you like dicks, to a nerdy and/or fetishistic degree, you’d probably dig this.

• Mae Martin’s 2017 stand-up special is full of laughs and truth-bombs about family, queerness, gender, unchillness, and summer camp.

Products

• Hot Octopuss sent me their new-ish bullet vibe, the Amo, and it’s… very fucking good. Powerful and rumbly, easy-to-understand controls scheme, and only $49!! I’ll write a full review eventually…

• Wearing makeup can be a major boon for my mood, but what with all the mask-wearing we’re doing these days, no one can ever see my lipstick (and it ends up getting all over my masks anyway!) so I bought some new eyeshadows from MAC. Hoping they’ll put a little femme spring in my step, despite the circumstances.

• I found a vintage black leather Coach Willis bag from the early oughts on eBay and it is stunning. Looking forward to the day I get to pack it full of books for a solo jaunt to a cocktail bar in a post-pandemic world.

• My partner and I are still making/drinking fancy cocktails on the regular. My current fave ingredients include sherries (fino and amontillado are both so yummy in different ways) and homemade ginger syrup. So many possibilities!

• I bought a pair of black leather flats on deep discount from J. Crew and they are sooo comfy and cute. I seem to go through at least one pair of black flats every summer; hopefully these ones will hold up for a while!

• My current handbag obsession is this silver Coach Poppy pushlock satchel. I don’t own one yet, because, well, as we discussed recently, there isn’t much need for handbags in the age of coronavirus. But I sure do like to stare at this one. Wish I could carry it to a black-tie gala right about now.

• For the first time in my life, I got fucked with a cucumber this month. Um… do you want a blog post about that experience?!

Work & Appearances

• I was so excited when local queer publication Xtra asked me to write them some pieces for Masturbation Month, because I always love working with them. Check out my recs for the best partner-play toys and the best masturbation toys for folks with chronic pain.

• My latest column for Herizons magazine was about a major media pet peeve of mine: when people verbify the MeToo movement to say that particular high-profile rapists have “been MeToo’d” when someone comes forward to allege their wrongdoing, as if it’s the perpetrator’s life who’s been ruined and not the victim’s. Yuck.

• The good folks at LoveLustSecrets asked me to write a series of short erotica stories for them, and I decided to have it center around a plucky redheaded sex shop saleswoman named Ava. Some of my favorite instalments: a welcome-back blowjob, a Clone-a-Willy fuck, some fisting flirtation, and an alleyway wank.

• We had some great guests on the Dildorks this month: first, the author and theologian Tara Isabella Burton came to chat with us about how ethics and religion intersect with kink and non-monogamy, and then we had polyamory experts Kevin Patterson and Dr. Liz Powell on to discuss solutions to common polyam problems during the pandemic. We also addressed a bunch of listener questions about masturbation.

• I wrote some good newsletters this month about 5 kinks I wish I had, happiness during a crisis, my obsession du jour with barbershop quartets, and autofellatio.

Good Causes

• Police violence against Black folks, along with their disproportionate and unfair imprisonment rates, continue to be a rampant problem. The Minnesota Freedom Fund‘s mission is to “pay criminal bail and immigration bond for those who cannot afford to as we seek to end discriminatory, coercive, and oppressive jailing.” A similar organization in New York is the Brooklyn Community Bail Fund.

• Help support street medics’ vitally important work by donating to the North Star Health Collective.

• The family of Regis Korchinski-Paquet is raising funds toward seeking justice for her death (which some are reporting was another incidence of racist police violence, right here in Toronto).

• Food Banks Canada could really use your help getting more food into the hands of those who need it.

• Queer porn legend and superstar stripper Andre Shakti is raising money for protection and housing in the wake of a domestic abuse situation.

Handbags in the Age of Coronavirus

Kate Sloan

Ever since the pandemic news got bad, I’ve lost almost all of my usual verve for fashion and beauty. Where once I would spend hours per month trawling the websites of beloved clothing and accessories makers, now I can barely bring myself to window-shop for new socks online even though mine are riddled with holes. I trudge through most days in stretched-out T-shirts and comfy lounge pants, my hair pulled back in a cursory nub of a bun, lipstickless and lethargic.

Part of the reason for all this is the obvious: no one is seeing my outfits (no one except my partner, my roommate, and her two cats, that is), so I feel less motivated to put them together. There is no one to infer things about me from what I have on, and in losing the motivation to perform my selfhood in this way, I’m also losing some of that selfhood itself.

Another component of my sartorial disinterest is due to plain ol’ depression and grief. What we’re going through right now, as a species, is traumatic on scales we have yet to fully comprehend. I know from past experience that immense, bone-deep sadness causes my materialistic impulses to either ramp up significantly as a distraction tactic, or to drop off completely in a blaze of nihilism. Lately I’m oscillating between both extremes, but mostly landing on the latter.

However, there is still one category of fashion item that tugs at my femme heartstrings and makes my world feel a little brighter, and that’s handbags. Purses. Satchels. Totes. I ogle the Kate Spade and Coach websites in spare moments. I comb through eBay listings with keen-yet-weary eyes. I take great pleasure in ogling my extant handbag collection – though I rarely touch any of them these days.

That’s the root cause of this, I have to imagine: the lack of need for a bag at this time in history. I can throw on cute outfits galore in the confines of my apartment, and even clomp around in heels I’d never or rarely wear out into the world, but carrying a bag in those instances feels totally unnecessary and impractical. What, am I gonna tuck a petite clutch under my arm for the journey from the bedroom to the kitchen? Slide a crossbody strap over one shoulder for a jaunt to the garbage chute down the hall? I think not.

Even when I go out, I don’t have much use for bags now. More often than not, I’m just going on a quick errand or a meandering walk. I’ll cram my phone into the back pocket of my jeans (I rarely have the emotional energy for skirts and dresses these days), slip my keys into the front one, and maybe bring along a credit card or some cash if I plan on wandering to the shops. With a fabric mask on, I find it’s hard to do anything detail-oriented that lies below my sightline, so rummaging through a bag like I might normally do is impractical and sometimes even painful. (Anyone else find themselves constantly getting poked in the eye by their masks, through some strange contortion of facial muscles and eyeballs?!)

The increasing pointlessness of handbags, the frivolity and complexity of lifestyle that they hearken back to and that contrasts so sharply with my current involuntarily pared-down life, somehow makes them more appealing to me rather than less. They’re a useless luxury object at the moment, sure. But they’re also a window into my future, a future of normalcy regained, a future of getting dressed up and having somewhere to go.

The ritual of packing my pretty purse before an outing is often ceremonious and always important. Solo dates, especially, require preparation in this arena: I’ll fill a piece of lovely leather with my journal and pen so I can reflect on my feelings in a café window, or a loaded-up Kindle so I can spend time with beloved fictional characters at a cocktail bar, or a pair of glasses so I can see a theatrical cast’s every facial expression from the nosebleed seats. I’ll check to make sure I have my ID incase of booze, and my earbuds incase of boredom. I’ll throw in some gum or mints if there’s romance on the horizon. I’ll check the contents of my wallet to see how much merriment I can afford to make. It’s a femme ritual that feels like writing the blueprint of my outing before it even begins. The contents of my bag guide me on my journeys; the bag itself may as well be cute.

I haven’t actually purchased any new bags during this time period, for reasons you can probably guess: it feels unnecessary, I’m trying to keep an eye on my finances, and there are so many better ways I could and should direct my cash during this crisis. But I doubt I’ll stop staring at the kelly-green Marc Jacobs totes and lemon-yellow Coach satchels any time soon. They give me solace, and glee, and something to look forward to: a life that’s once again worth packing a bag for.