bondage

25 Amazing Sexual Experiences I Had At Age 25

Kate Sloan

I’m 26 today, babes! The past few years have been good to me, sex-wise: I got real slutty at age 23, learned a lot about my kinks and relationship style at 24, and settled into a more confident sexual existence at 25. To celebrate this minor milestone, here’s a list of 25 amazing sexual experiences I had while I was 25!

1. Dated a sadist. Despite identifying as a masochist for a few years, it wasn’t until just after my 25th birthday that I started seeing someone who self-identified as a sadist. I got spanked/slapped/scratched a lot in that relationship and it was great!

2. Got tied up. Rope bondage is a trip! I’ve dated two different rope aficionados within the past year, and playing with them showed me that being a rope bottom gets me real subspacey real fast. All that pressure, slowness, and focus puts me into a meditative space that’s unlike almost anything else I’ve experienced.

3. Pegged someone. I didn’t think I would like it, but I did. Innnteresting!

4. Used a blowjob mirror. I’ve been reviewing sex toys for over six years and this was one of the most terrifying toys I’ve tested, though it was also supremely satisfying and fun.

5. Experimented with “forced orgasm” play. I tried this with a few different partners and it typically involved them strapping me down and using a strong vibe on me until I couldn’t help but come. Very fun, would recommend!

6. Demo-bottomed for a spanking workshop. I took my dress off in front of a bunch of strangers and got my ass beat, which was… not as nervewracking as I thought it was gonna be. Maybe I have a teensy exhibitionist streak?

7. Dated a daddy dom. A couple of them, actually. DD/lg has been a fixture of my perv-brain for a few years but this was the first year when I actually tried it with real-life partners, and goddd, I love it.

8. Got a professional erotic massage. And actually had an orgasm from it, which I wasn’t expecting! It happened a few days after a breakup, which made it feel even more healing and necessary.

9. Fucked in an alley. I’d made out in many alleys before. I’d gotten spanked in a couple of alleys. This was the first year I actually had sex in an alley. It was lovely.

10. Had sex in my own place. I moved out of my parents’ house last September, and while I haven’t had a ton of sex in my own bedroom since then (tending, instead, to bang at partners’ houses or a local sex club), it was nice to christen my own space with sexual fluids ASAP. A real adulthood milestone!

11. Went to a sex tradeshow as foreplay. When you and your FWB are both huge sex toy nerds, there are few better pre-sex activities than trawling a tradeshow to see what’s new and hot. I bought a vibe and an impact implement, we flirted and giggled and made bad jokes, and then we had incredible sex at a club. A+ day, 10/10, would do again.

12. Got collared. Collars have been an important kink symbol to me for a long time but I’d never had one that was linked to a specific partner and made me “theirs.” My Sir had never collared anyone before me, either, so it was a super special thing for both of us when he put a collar on me in a Brooklyn hotel room just before we went to see my favorite band and exchanged our first I-love-you’s. So romantic!

13. Tried knifeplay. My pal Dick Wound is a hell of a knife top, so we negotiated some scenes so I could lightly explore my burgeoning interest in knives. It was scary, but in a safe, fun, consensual way. Oh, and a hot way. That, too.

14. Got spanked with a lightsaber. And also a butcher’s cleaver. (Which one would you guess hurt more?)

15. Did educational cam shows. I’ve long offered cam shows of the typically titillating variety, but this year I had a client who genuinely wanted to learn about vulvovaginal anatomy, so I got to patiently demonstrate and explain how I touch myself. Such a fun time!

16. Had a sugar daddy. This was a specific flavor of submission I had never sampled before, and wow, it was exhilarating. Money is so tied up in our personal psychology that I found it was easy to make it sexy, even though I’d never viewed it that way before.

17. Had actually good phone sex. Um, shout-out to people who have a way with dirty talk, because a) I sure don’t, and b) they can make me come really hard. Enough said.

18. Finally had sex with someone after a whole month of only sexting and phone sex. Love a good slow burn, am I right? It turns out you can fuck someone a whole lot better if you have a month’s worth of their sexy communiqué to refer to.

19. Shined a partner’s shoes. I will write about this in more detail when my head stops spinning from the incredible, meditative subspace it put me into. Neither of us had tried bootblacking in any context before, and once we did it together, we knew immediately that we liked it a lot.

20. Played with my wink kink more deliberately. Being winked at, in the right context, has long turned me on, but I’ve rarely had partners who knew how to harness that power to their advantage. My current boyfriend sure does, though. Winking as flirting, winking as foreplay, winking as a hypnotic induction… Woof.

21. Got hypnotized. A whole bunch. Ohhh, it’s so relaxing and hot. I love it.

22. Gave a BJ purely for my own pleasure. This experiment was inspired by my friend Caitlin K. Roberts and a Masters and Johnson concept she taught me about, “sensate focus.” It’s the practice of touching someone else for your own tactile enjoyment, and it can be transformative. I’d never given a blowjob quite like this before, and it really shifted my perspective on oral sex in general!

23. Sucked a dick through a glory hole. Granted, it’s not quite the Full Glory Hole Experience™ if you know exactly whose dick you’re sucking (or at least, I’m sure some purists would argue that), but I was still glad I got to try it. It’s been a fantasy of mine for a long time.

24. Received electrostimulation. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about getting painfully zapped with a Neon Wand, but, like many other forms of kinky pain, it made me subspacey and happy. And I’ll never forget how gleeful I got watching my boyfriend painstakingly try out each attachment on his own arm at various different settings to make sure he knew what he’d be inflicting on me before he did it. Swoon-o-rama.

25. Got “treated for hysteria,” i.e. did a medical-play scene centered around the Victorian notion of “female hysteria” being curable by manual and mechanical clitoral stimulation until “hysterical paroxysm.” The image of my boyfriend in a vaguely doctor-esque white T-shirt telling me, “That’s right, Kate, let go, let it happen” while holding a Doxy to my clit is forever burned into my brain…

What’s the most amazing thing you did when you were 25?

Monthly Faves: Bondage & Besties

Kate Sloan

July of last year was an out-of-control amazeballs month for me sexually. This July was nice too, in different ways. Here’s some of what I got up to…

Sex toys

• This month I was sent the Zumio, an oscillating clitoral stimulator similar to the Eroscillator but way more pinpoint (full review forthcoming!). I honestly was expecting to hate it, but… I don’t. It’s so intense that I usually only use it on the first setting and through panties – which also means it lends itself well to “forced orgasm” kink scenarios. At one point this month, my boyfriend held the Zumio on my clit while fucking me with the S-Curve, and I practically died of pleasure…

• Speaking of cool shit my boyfriend did to me: he surprised me one day by putting my collar on me and then chaining it to my under-the-bed restraints so I couldn’t move. Then he jammed my Liberator Jaz under my hips and went down on me until I came. Woof.

Fantasy fodder

• A couple times this month, my partner alluded to cunnilingus as an endurance-based endeavor – “I wanna go down on you for a long time,” “I’m not gonna stop until you come,” and so on – and it reminded me of how soothing (and hot) these kinds of reminders can be. One of my number-one sexual anxieties is “taking too long” to come, so it’s enormously helpful when a partner pre-empts those worries by essentially telling me they want me to take a while.

• I did two things this month that are typically associated with “femdom” – pegging and facesitting – but because I did them with my mega-dominant boyf, I did not feel dominant at all. I felt like I was being his servicey little good girl, or like I was being served to him on a proverbial silver platter. Friendly reminder: dominance and submission are not baked into any particular sexual act; they’re attitudes you can bring (or not bring) to any act you choose!

• Here’s a good sentence that came up in my fantasies a lot this month: “I wanna feel you come on my cock, little one.” Oof. ‘Nuff said.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: Kinkly asked me to write about the significance of collars for me as a submissive. For my friend Taryn’s blog, I wrote a guest post about things to consider before entering a DD/lg relationship. I detailed some surprisingly common sexual fantasies for Ignite and wrote some beginner G-spot tips for Peepshow.. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about polyamory, penises, and edgeplay, and we interviewed our friend Taylor J Mace.

• Orgasm statz: I had 33 orgasms this month (go me!), bringing my total for the year up to 195 thus far. 14 of those orgasms (42.4%) were from partners, including one from a partner who had never made me come before this month (yay!).

Femme stuff

• I got some new tattoos toward the start of the month: “THIS TOO” + “SHALL PASS” on the insides of my wrists. This felt impulsive – I went for a walk-in appointment at my tattoo shop early one Wednesday morning – but actually it wasn’t that impulsive: I’d been thinking about getting these tattoos for months, and decided it was finally time. They serve as an important reminder for times when I’m feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise out-of-sorts. So far I’m finding them very helpful!

• After making a Lush trip this month, I’ve gotten back into an old fave, the Mask of Magnaminty, and been swoonin’ over a new acquisition, Miranda soap. Oh Lush, you always do me right.

• I’m so smitten with my new clitoris necklace from Animal Hair. They also make dick earrings and a necklace covered in legs, among other things. Cuuute!

Little things

Learning about sex surrogacy and sexological bodywork from Caitlin. Longform improv. Queer femme babes. Getting super stoned (and sunburned) in Trinity Bellwoods. The Adventure Zone. Telling my boyfriend “I love you” for the first time (aww). Sexting while high. My brother’s band’s new music video. “Never really knew if I did something wrong; all I ever heard was it wasn’t my fault.” Feminist children’s theatre. My boyfriend making us coffee to thoughtfully sip while we have goofy conversations in the morning. Angels in America. Writing with fancy pencils. Creativity during hypomania. Bite marks. “Babe, can I put my passport and butt plugs in your bag?” Diner breakfasts with Bex. Weed breaks on an Airbnb stoop. Nerdy income stats. Sexy jazz.

Review: Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraints

Kate Sloan

I am kinky, and I’m lazy.

These qualities do not conflict as often as you might think. I’m a submissive and a bottom, so as much as I love BJs and facesitting, a lot of what I do in bed basically amounts to “lie back and receive sensation.” My boyfriend is a sadistic, toppy, domly dom, so we’re a good match in that way.

But kink, in general, is not always compatible with laziness. There’s often preparation involved. You have to keep your rope detangled, your leathers shiny, your toys sanitized. This type of ritual is part of the fun for many people. But me? I’m lazy. And impatient. If setup’s gonna take more than a few minutes, I’ll probably pass.

That, my friends, is the #1 reason I adore my Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraint System. It takes the prep time out of bondage. Your cuffs are ready to go – literally attached to your bed – at all times. It’s fucking genius.

I first discovered these restraints when a Tinder hookup of mine cuffed me into his after a cute drinks date. What followed was probably the best one-night stand I’ve ever had – I normally hate them, but this one was a gem in the dumpster fire that is Tinder. I experienced a triple whammy of uncommonalities for me: I had an orgasm, during a first hookup, during PIV sex, without using a vibrator. Reason being: he was dominant and toppy in all the ways that turn me on the most, and I was strapped to his bed, helpless and immobile and fucking soaking wet. The dude was hot and dommy and fun, and so were those restraints. Unf.

So obviously, when Adam & Eve asked if I’d like to review something for them, these restraints topped my list.

Here’s how they work. Four cuffs (two for wrists, two for ankles) are attached to long straps that you can slide under your mattress. I am neither strong nor handy and I managed to do this myself, without injuring myself or breaking my bed (hurrah). They are then held in place by the weight of the mattress and whoever’s on top of it, so you can struggle pretty hard against them and still feel hopelessly trapped, you lucky, lucky thing.

The straps are highly adjustable, so they fit just fine on my diminutive double-size bed and supposedly on any size bed (though, if you’re tiny like my friend Sarah, the straps might not reach your limbs on a large bed). The first time my boyfriend smirked at me darkly while tightening the straps attached to my wrists, I may have blushed, giggled, and gotten ridiculously wet all at the same time…

The cuffs that come with this set are cheap black nylon ones that fasten with Velcro. They’re fine, especially for kink novices who don’t intend to struggle much, but I replaced my wrist cuffs with ones from Aslan Leather because I find them more visually appealing and also more comfortable for scenes where I’ll be moving around a lot. The single strip of Velcro on the original cuffs can dig into the skin and become irritating if you pull against them hard.

Additionally, the clips to which the cuffs attach cannot be detached from the under-the-bed straps, so if you want to replace the Velcro cuffs with better ones, you’ll need some kind of clip or connector to link the two together. I picked up some purple metal carabiners at a hardware store for about $2 apiece, and those work fine. Would’ve been nice to not have to buy anything extra, though.

The one plus side to keeping the original Velcro cuffs is that they’re super quick to remove, if need be. If someone starts to have a panic attack or a medical emergency and needs to be out of bondage immediately, Velcro’s gonna be the better choice than a leather cuff that takes multiple steps to undo.

That said, once I get a nice pair of leather ankle cuffs with which to replace the other two Velcro ones still strapped to my bed, I’ll be 100% thrilled with this restraint system. It makes bondage soooo easy and quick, eliminating the barrier of laziness that often kept me from doing kink stuff because it felt like “too much work.” Plus there is something so badass about having bondage devices strapped to your bed at all times. That shit makes me feel like the committed lifestyle kinkster I aspire to be, or maybe already am.

 

Thanks to Adam & Eve for supplying me with this product to review, and sponsoring this post! The discount code “GIRLY” will get you 50% off almost any one item – including this restraint system, if you choose to buy it – as well as free shipping on your entire order in the U.S. and Canada. Rad!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2016: 1 Fantastic Toy Company

Kate Sloan

Here’s a riddle for you. What’s sexy as fuck, smells wonderful, and makes kinksters swoon?

No, not my vagina. Although: that too.

Nah, I’m talking about products made by Aslan Leather. Like my vag, they are glorious beacons of kinky wonderment, made right here in Toronto, and much-revered by sex-nerdy bondage enthusiasts. And this year I’m profiling Aslan as my favorite sex-products company of the year, because I just love ’em so very much.

I met Carey Gray – Aslan’s fearless leader – at a Tell Me Something Good event back in mid-2015, when we co-judged that night’s storytellers. Uncharacteristically for me, I struck up a conversation, because I just had to tell him how much I admired his beautiful products. He very kindly offered to let me review an item of my choosing from Aslan’s catalogue – truly a kinkster’s dream come true.

A few weeks and back-and-forth emails later, I found myself trotting down an alley to Aslan Leather’s sorta-secret workshop in downtown Toronto. I had requested the Crystal Blue Cuffs, and the craftspeople plucked a pair from their overflowing stock drawers and handed them to me, all nicely wrapped and pretty as hell. On my streetcar ride home, I kept taking the cuffs out of my bag, holding them to my nose, and inhaling deeply. Like many people, I have a visceral reaction to the smell of leather: it’s intoxicating, inviting, and sweetly sexy. Even now, if I open a drawer containing one of my Aslan products, the scent wafts out to greet me, and I feel both comforted and turned on.

Since acquiring those gorgeous cuffs, I’ve picked up a few more Aslan products: two collars (one black and one pink, natch), and a pink harness. All of them are absolutely stunning, well-made, sensuously fragrant, and buttery-soft. I swoon a little every time I touch or see or smell an Aslan item. They are simply top-of-the-line, as far as I’m concerned.

A materialistic kinkster’s heart is never sated, so I have a few more toys on my Aslan Leather wishlist. I’d love to own one of their ballgags (somehow I’ve never used a ballgag!), their pink leather paddle, and the ankle cuffs that match my wrist cuffs. I’m also all starry-eyed for the line of bluish-purple leather toys they released as a posthumous tribute to Prince (SheVibe carries the harness from this line, and it’s a stunner).

In 2017, I hope to widen the variety of companies and craftspeople that comprise my kink-toy collection: I want a ballgag from Oddo Leather, a leather paddle from 6Whips, a Lexan glitter cane from RavenHawk, a chest harness from Mad Elephant, and a torquemada from Creative Kink. But for now, I’m pleased as punch that Aslan Leather items make up most of my kinkwear “wardrobe.” They make me feel like the cutest little subby princess when I wear ’em, and that feeling alone is worth the price of the products.

What was your favorite sex toy company of 2016?

Monthly Faves: Hickeys, Hankies, Collars & Community

Kate Sloan

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Like last month, this was a tough one for me: my mood disorders were all over the place and I found it difficult to function a lot of the time. Luckily, sex stuff (especially certain types of kink) is helpful to me in that regard. Hooray for sexual healing!

 

Sex toys

• I’m never getting over the Double Trouble. It provides the most consistent and fulfilling A-spot stimulation of any toy I’ve ever used. (But, secret confession: it still doesn’t hit the spot quite as well as my partner’s fingers.)

• While I’m still annoyed with the controls scheme of the Shibari Mini Halo Wand, it nonetheless got a lot of love from me this month. Sometimes my clit craves rumbly vibrations in a shape smaller than the Hitachi but bigger than the Tango, and the Shibari Mini is ideal when that’s the mood I’m in.

• SheVibe sent me a green and yellow Godemiche Adam and it’s gorgeous. The super-defined coronal ridge doesn’t always agree with my vagina (more detail to come in my review), but I’m pretty into the toy’s dimensions. Plus it looks badass in my harness.

 

Fantasy fodder

• So, this is a new thing for me: I’ve been having fantasies about being collared and owned. Often these aren’t even sexual fantasies; I just take comfort sometimes in imagining myself being a dom person’s good little pet, sitting at their feet and attending to their needs. (Now I just need an Aslan collar… and a dom-y person to put it on me…)

• Currently my favorite thing is getting fucked – with fingers, a toy, or a dick; the tool itself is inconsequential – while being held down. Early this month, I went on a first date with someone who (at my behest) pounded me with my Eleven while putting steady weight on my upper chest with one hand, and, oh my god. Give me that, always, please.

• My new beau has a thing for hickeys. I used to love these back in high school, because they were tangible proof that I was liked; just spotting a hickey on myself in the mirror was enough to put a big goofy grin on my face. Now I wonder if that affection for hickeys was also a sign of my burgeoning kinks, because there is something about feeling “marked” that is so sexy to me now. My boyf likes to leave a purple mark of ownership in the middle of my chest, and I wear it like a badge of honor.

 

Sexcetera

• I bought some blue and pink bondage rope and have been learning some rope basics. This is a fun skill that I hope to explore more!

• I’m in a Facebook group for local kinksters and it’s the best. It’s reminding me of the importance of community, and of being around like-minded people, even just in a digital space. Plus there are a lottttt of hotties on there; holy fuck. Can I smooch all the dom cuties’ faces?!

• March 27th was my 4-year blogiversary. I didn’t write a celebratory post like I did last year or the year before, but rest assured: I love you all very very much and I’m grateful every day to have this platform and this community. Four years ago, it was my dream to write about sex for people as nerdy and passionate about sexuality as I am, and that wish has come true many times over. Thanks, babes!

 

Femme stuff

• My boyf gave me one of his flannel button-down shirts to wear. It’s soft, and warm, and wonderfully too-big on me. I love wearing clothes and accessories that were given to me by people who care about me, especially at times of emotional distress, because it reminds me that I’m capable of being adored. I spent many a stressed-out day this month snuggled up in my beau’s cozy shirt, thrown over a nightgown or a T-shirt or nothing at all.

• I was told to wear gold for the Smut in the 6ix promo shoot, so of course I made a trip to American Apparel immediately. (It is the place to find over-the-top, porn-friendly clothes, don’tcha know.) I bought a ridiculous gold lamé halter bodysuit and it’s excellent.

• I recently acquired a light blue handkerchief and have been wearing it on my right wrist, as per the hanky code. Probably very, very few people I encounter even know what this means, but it gives me a private thrill nonetheless.

 

What were your faves this month, cuties?