butt plug

Can Butt Plugs Cure Constipation?

Kate Sloan

Am I getting a reputation for being that chick who blogs about pooping? And a follow-up question: do I care?

This past week, three whole days went by without me evacuating my chute, if you know what I’m sayin’. That has never happened to me before. I was very worried.

I’ve been eating fewer calories lately to lose weight (that’ll be a whole ‘nother post, sometime in the murky future) and the other day I ate FIVE LARGE CARROTS because I am a lunatic. That’s probably what caused it.

I tried everything I could think of – short of regular ol’ laxatives, because I wanted to reserve those for a true emergency. I drank a fuckton of water to lubricate the pipes. I took an herbal psyllium husk supplement and waited 12+ hours. I walked around and jumped up and down. I ate more fiber, more fats. Nothin’.

Then I had a brilliant idea. There have been times in the past when I’ve inserted a butt plug, only to need to take it out again a few minutes later on account of sudden-onset bathroom requirements. This was always annoying before, but maybe now it would be a solution.

I poured a couple drops of Pink silicone-based lube on my medium Njoy Pure Plug and slipped it inside. I chose the Pure Plug because it’s heavy, so my butt would really be able to feel it and maybe it could wake up my intestines. (Man, I am so not a doctor.) I was prepared to switch out the medium plug for the larger version after a few minutes if necessary… but it wasn’t necessary.

After about 5-10 minutes of rhythmic clenching, hopin’ and prayin’, I heard angels singing hallelujah as my intestines started to do their thing. And then I went into the bathroom, took out the plug, and all became well with the world.

My theory on why this worked, which is backed by no medical knowledge whatsoever, is that the plug stimulated peristalsis. My butt was like, “Hey! There’s something in here! We better clear it out!” and other stuff was cleared out in the process too. Kind of sort of makes sense, right?

Mr. Will, another sex blogger, presented an alternate explanation: perhaps the lube was a factor. Indeed, the lube I used contains aloe vera, which some people use as a suppository when constipated. Soooo… yeah. That probably makes more medical sense than my theory.

Do you ever use sex toys to deal with your medical problems? (You probably shouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, I’m not responsible for the choices you make, you should always check with a medical professional, etc. You know the drill!)

Review: Tantus Flirt

Kate Sloan

Lately I haven’t been in the mood for anal stimulation, like, ever. My butt’s been highly resistant to poking and prodding. Which is why it’s taken me so damn long to get this review written.

Tantus sent me the Flirt months ago. I had actually requested a smaller plug, the Little Flirt, but I was nonetheless happy to see the regular-sized Flirt when it arrived in my mailbox – because it looks sexy as hell. Glossy, black, curvy, flexible. Mmm.

If you ask me (and you’re reading my blog, so I assume you’re asking me), Tantus is one of the few companies that really gets anal toys right. They don’t cause my butt pain or discomfort. They just feel good.

The Flirt is no exception. Its gently swelling curves slip inside me with minimal warm-up, even though the toy is 1.4 inches across its widest point. The curve from the head to the middle of the shaft is just delicious, and feels gooooood going in and out of my ass. Combined with clit stimulation, it’s a knockout. As with many other Tantus butt toys, the sentence that comes to mind is, “This is what anal play should always feel like.”

My only issue with the Flirt is the base. I think it’s due for a redesign. It’s roughly the same width as the widest part of the plug, so it doesn’t feel completely secure; I get the sense that I have to hold onto it or it might drift inside me (though I don’t know if this is actually possible or if it’s just a feeling I have). It’s also circular and wide, so the Flirt isn’t really “wearable” as a plug; it’s more of an active toy, to be used during fucking, than it is one to be worn inside your underwear for hours at a time. (I have other plugs for that.)

If Tantus gave the Flirt a wide, crescent moon-shaped base like their Juice plug has, it would be useable as an all-purpose butt plug. For now, I’ll only be using it for in-and-out-fucking. But it does that very, very well.

Merci, Tantus!

Review: Something Forbidden Butt Plug

Kate Sloan

I’ve tried a lot of butt plugs in my day, but the Something Forbidden is easily the worst-designed of all of them.

It’s from the official Fifty Shades of Grey collection, meaning it was co-designed by E. L. James, so really, I should’ve guessed it would suck. But I thought that the other co-designer, Lovehoney, would know better, given that they actually make and sell sex toys (including the Sqweel, which I like). But nope. This butt plug is straight-up terrible.

Let’s go through the concerns I have with it, from most horrifying to least:

First off, the base is the WORST base I have ever encountered. It’s ring-shaped, and it is made of incredibly floppy, squishy, thin silicone. I can squish the base completely flat between two fingers with minimal effort. This means that whenever I wear the plug, I am constantly terrified that the base is going to smush together and the whole toy is going to slip inside me, necessitating a mad dash to the emergency room. Not fun.

Secondly, the words “Fifty Shades of Grey” are carved into the side of the plug. Not only is that a lot of tiny text to have to scrub with an old toothbrush during the cleaning process, but also – the text is engraved on the plug itself, not the base. So you’ve got a shit ton of text that can easily become encrusted with, you guessed it, actual shit. And lube, and whatever else. And it’s not that easy to clean. Gross. Major, major design flaw.

Thirdly, there’s a big seam running all the way around the plug. This isn’t the kind of thing I usually notice on sex toys (maybe my butt just isn’t that sensitive?) but I know it drives other people nuts, so it’s worth noting.

If the Something Forbidden were overhauled and those three glaring problems were fixed, I could see it being a decent plug for the kind of audience the Fifty Shades collection is aiming for: vanilla folks who have never or seldom tried kink before (including anal play). This plug is a good size for beginners, at 1″ in diameter, and it has a nicely tapered tip that makes it easy to insert. It also plays well with my favorite lube; I didn’t find I needed to reapply, even after an hour of wear.

The plug comes with a lovely silver-grey storage bag with the words Fifty Shades of Grey printed on it. While it’s obviously not the most discreet storage solution in the world, I still appreciate it. Too many companies forget the importance of including a storage bag, especially with lint-happy silicone toys like this one.

But overall? Please, please, please, don’t buy this plug. It’s a Colossal Butt Hazard. If you want something similarly sized and shaped, but 100% more safe, I highly recommend Tantus’s Meteorite, Slim, or Little Flirt. Or you could pay $60 for the best butt plug ever and never have to worry about your butt’s needs again.

Just stay the fuck away from the Something Forbidden. I do, indeed, forbid you to put it in your butt.

Thanks so much to PinkCherry for providing me with this toy!

Review: Tantus Ripple (large)

Kate Sloan

Sometimes I think Tantus knows butts better than any other toy company. Their anal toys consistently impress me more than almost anyone else’s. And I know that this is because Tantus has real people test their prototypes before production starts. There is no “Did they test this on actual butts?” syndrome with Tantus toys.

This time I’m reviewing the large Ripple, a supersized version of one I’ve already reviewed. (See my tweet for a visual comparison between the small and large sizes.) The small one is for butts that want to take baby steps; the large one, on the other hand, is up to the task of warming you up for Real Actual Anal Sex.

Let’s talk diameters for a second. The small Ripple starts at ¼” and ramps up to 1″. The large Ripple’s first bead starts off basically where the small size left off, at 7/8″, and goes all the way up to 1 ½” – a.k.a. roughly the width of the average penis. So if you’ve already experimented with a couple of fingers in your butt and you want to work your way up to anal sex, the large size is the one you want to get.

But this isn’t just a warm-up toy, obviously. This is a toy that actually makes me want to incorporate anal play into my masturbation sessions, which I don’t do often. Usually I just pop in a plug an hour or two before I plan on jerking off, and take it out once I’m aroused enough to start. But the Ripples are designed to be used actively, thrusted in and out, so they pair beautifully with a good clitoral vibe.

I thought the 6 ½” insertable length of the large Ripple would make it uncomfortable for me, as I historically have issues with long anal toys. However, Tantus silicone is pliable enough that I can fully insert the Ripple without length-based pain or discomfort. It conforms to the shape of my inner workings.

I sometimes have trouble getting over the hump of that final bead; 1 ½” is pushing my butt’s boundaries. But there’s no rush – I can always just work the second-to-last bead in and out until I’m ready to go for more. (Seriously, folks, anal play is not a race! And I’m reiterating this not only for your benefit but for mine as well.)

The first bead is kind of floppy sometimes when I’m trying to insert it, so usually I need to hold the toy’s base in one hand and use the other hand to guide the tip into my ass. Maybe not the most convenient thing if you’re trying to use one hand to hold another toy, rub your clit, etc., but it only takes a second so it’s not a huge deal.

If you compare my photos to the ones on the product page, you’ll see that my Ripple has a thinner, flimsier base. I can only assume that Tantus has updated their bases to be thicker and more substantial, since they’ve been known to do that, and that mine happens to be an older toy. If base thickness matters to you (for example, if you plan on using this toy in a harness), you may want to verify that you’re getting the new version before you order from a retailer.

As with most silicone anal toys, this one retains a bit of butt smell. That can be taken care of by giving it a rubdown with a hydrogen peroxide solution. You’ll also want to boil any anal toys before sharing them, even between fluid-bonded partners, so your unique digestive flora doesn’t make your partner sick or vice versa.

Overall, I’m impressed with this anal probe. It feels really good moving in and out of my ass (when lubed properly, of course) and I know it will be a valuable tool for me when I start wanting to prepare for my first anal sex experience. My ass gives its seal of approval to the large Tantus Ripple!

Are You Shitting Properly?

Kate Sloan

I will warn you right now that this post is only minimally related to sex. For some of you, your butt is integral to your sex life; for others of you, the two barely register as connected. So this post is, as you might expect, for people of the former category.

I was recently made aware that I’ve been shitting wrong. I watched a video on the Squatty Potty, a stool (like, the furniture type of stool – not the fecal type!) that helps you align your body correctly for optimal elimination. The video, as it turns out, isn’t just marketing mumbo-jumbo – it’s actually based in fact. The human body is not designed to shit in an upright sitting position; we’re meant to shit while squatting.

The design of modern Western toilets was purportedly slapped together by dudes who had no knowledge of physiology, which explains why this design just doesn’t gel with our bodies’ natural inclinations. Our poorly-designed toilets make pooping a challenge for us, which can lead to problems like anal fissures and bowel cancer.

So how do you rectify (ha – rectum, rectify) this issue? Apparently one of the easiest and best ways to shit better (other than switching to a hole in the ground for your defecatory needs) is to put some kind of stool or box in front of your toilet, so that when you sit down, your feet are just a little bit below ass level. This allows you to simulate the squatting position, so your inner workings are properly supported and your shit comes out more easily and cleanly.

I’ve tried this a few times – you know, for science – and it really works. I’ve never particularly been a “problem shitter,” but it definitely feels a lot easier and, yeah, more natural when I prop up my feet with something 8-10 inches tall.

And we all know that shitting well is a great thing, if just because it allows you to use awesome butt toys more often.