Sometimes when I get high, I start rambling about clitoral politics.
“Clitoral politics, huh?” my spouse said, half-suspicious and half-amused, when I brought up this phrase during a recent intoxicated soliloquy.
“Yes. Let me explain,” I said, and I did. See, I’d been reading Kink earlier that week, which is a book of short stories about sex, power, sensuality, etc. written by famous authors who mostly are not known for lewd work. One of those authors is Roxane Gay, who I admire very much – and notably, at one point in her story, she used the phrase “base of my clit” to describe the particular pleasure point where her protagonist was being stimulated. This made me very happy.
As previously discussed, when it comes to clitoral stimulation, indirectness is my jam – and when it comes to oral sex in particular, full-mouth stimulation (as opposed to surface-level tongue-flicking) is my preference. Although my clit is average-sized, these methods necessitate an understanding of the clitoris as a three-dimensional structure. The glans of a penis isn’t the whole penis, and the glans of a clitoris isn’t the whole clitoris. Even setting aside the huge portion of the clitoris that is buried inside the body, even the external portion of the clit has a head, a shaft, and – yes – a base. (Thanks, Roxane. You are thought-provoking as ever.)
I hopped onto Google and searched some phrases relevant to this line of thinking. When I saw that the phrase “shaft of my clit” brought up only 3 pages of results, and that one of those results was a sex toy review on my own blog, I knew I needed to talk more about this stuff. When I invoke the phrase “clitoral politics,” what I mean, mostly, is the sociocultural import of discussing the clitoris as a three-dimensional object, as a major source of pleasure and orgasms, and as a structure more complex and worthy of study than the vast majority of mainstream sex publications even hint at.
This brings me to the Lelo Sila. Like many sex toy enthusiasts, I have a love/hate relationship with Lelo that has leaned harder on the “hate” side of the spectrum in recent years. Their structurally problematic condoms, needlessly sky-high prices, and baffling decision to hire a known domestic abuser as their spokesperson have all made me wary of them. But they made the Sila, and, well… on at least the topic of clitoral politics, the Sila and I seem to be aligned with one another.
The Sila is yet another toy that uses “sonic waves.” Every company that makes one of these toys seems to have a different name for them; Satisfyer uses “air-pulse technology,” Womanizer prefers “pleasure air technology,” and Dame favors “pressure wave technology.” These toymakers usually claim that their take on the technology in question is somehow unique, and I don’t have the mechanical knowledge necessary to confirm or dispute that. I can tell you that even as a seasoned sex toy reviewer, I often have trouble discerning and describing the differences between these toys’ sensations. There are definitely some pressure-wave toys I like better than some others, but I often have trouble explaining why, even though it is my literal job to do so. They just don’t seem to vary as much from toy to toy, sensation-wise, as, say, dildos or butt plugs can.
The Lelo Sila is different, though, because of the way it is shaped. It has a very wide “mouth” for this type of toy, because it is designed to envelop not just the tip of the clit, but the external clit in its entirety. “Build your sexual experience with [the Sila’s] softer, deeper, and overall bigger mouth that will give you complete satisfaction from top to bottom,” Lelo says in the toy’s marketing copy, and (uncommonly for sex toy marketing copy) they’re actually right: the Sila’s opening is wide and deep enough to enclose my clit all the way down to its base. (Ooh, that phallic language is making me nervous to type out. That’s how I know I need to keep typing it!)
Toys designed for cis women don’t generally do this. Maybe there’s a perception that we won’t enjoy this type of stimulation, because it’s too blowjob-esque. The qualities I’m extolling here are many of the same ones that make the Sila a potentially great toy for transmasculine folks with testosterone-induced bottom growth. But cis women can enjoy that type of stimulation too – and enjoy it, I do.
The Sila’s mouth also has a wide, flat silicone ring encircling it – its “lips,” if you will – which presses against the space between my outer and inner labia when my clit’s inside the toy. This has the effect of stimulating not only my labia but also the deeper, buried “legs” of my clit that lie under the surface in that area. (The flat ring also enables the Sila to maintain a better suction seal around my clit, a chronic problem with this type of toy, especially when I close my thighs tight around it.) What results is a much more full-bodied, satisfying sensation than the typical clit stimulator would ever be able to provide.
Some of my sex toy reviewer friends – including Rae at TheNotice.net, who also reviewed this toy – have noted that the Sila isn’t as powerful as they would prefer. I only ever seem to use the first 3-5 of its 8 speeds, though, because the deep rumbly sensation of the toy stimulating my entire clitoral shaft is apparently enough to get me off even without a ton of power behind it. (I guess this is also why I adore the Eroscillator, which thrums my internal clitoris marvelously but has been decried by many other sex toy reviewers as not powerful enough.) I would agree that this toy is probably not the ideal thing if you’re a fan of, say, super strong wand vibrators, or intense direct clit stimulation. But it’s not wimpy, either, and gets me off with a speed and ease that many other pressure-wave toys could only dream of.
A major elephant in the room here is that the Lelo Sila costs $169 (nice) in the U.S., and $219-229 in Canada. A friend recently asked me if she should buy a Sila, having never tried a pressure-wave toy before, and I strongly cautioned her against it – because if you’ve never put one of these things on your clit, you can’t really know for certain if you’ll like it, and I wouldn’t want anyone to waste $150+ on a toy they might never use again. My advice would be to start with a much cheaper toy from this category, like the Satisfyer Pro 2 ($50). If you try one, and enjoy the sensation but wish the toy’s mouth was wider and deeper, then you’ll probably dig the Sila.
Notably, my orgasms with pressure-wave toys are different than my orgasms with other toys, and not always in a good way. There’s something about the novelty and speediness of the sensation that sometimes causes me to have a small, shitty orgasm all of a sudden, before I’m able to even realize what’s happening and dial back the stimulation. It reminds me of porn bloopers I’ve seen where a cis male performer comes sooner than he’s expecting to, unable to hold it back. That idea turns me on a lot in porn, but for myself, I’d rather have a more deliberate and more intense orgasm, even if it takes more time and effort. A lot of my orgasms with the Sila have been of the “Wait, was that an orgasm?” variety, despite how good the toy feels up to that point. It’s really weird and probably has to do with the indirectness of the “touchless” sensation.
I’ve had good orgasms with pressure-wave toys; they’re just less common for me than they are with vibrators and oscillators, for whatever reason. But even when I’m just using the Lelo Sila as a warm-up toy, planning to finish myself off with my hand or another toy later on, it still feels pretty damn excellent. I can take it in the bath, or use it hands-free while reading erotica, or fantasize about incredible oral sex while it’s pressed against me. It does something that no other toy I’ve tried has done: stimulates my entire external clit, from base to tip. It may not be transformative, as far as clitoral politics go, but it’s a start.
Thanks to Lelo for sending me this toy to try! You can get one at SheVibe ($169.00) or Peepshow ($169.99).