12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 4 Fun Events

Bex introducing me at the 101 Kinky Things book launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

It’s hard to write this annual feature about events I’ve attended when I’ve (like all of you) been living through a global pandemic that limits the types of events we can safely go to – but I did manage to attend several cool happenings this year! Here are 4 of my faves that I went to…

 

Bawdy Storytelling

I’ve wanted to perform at the sexy storytelling event Bawdy for years, after seeing videos online of sex-ed heroes of mine like Mollena Williams-Haas, Allison Moon, and Tristan Taormino telling stories there. And when Bawdy moved onto Zoom during the pandemic, I finally got my wish!

It was so magical telling a romantic, sexy, strange story to the ever-enthusiastic “Bawdience,” even through a screen. Working with Dixie De La Tour to get the story up to snuff was like an oration masterclass in and of itself, and actually performing the story was a massive thrill. My fellow performers all knocked it out of the park too. I hope one day I get to attend a Bawdy event in person!

 

This American Wife

The theatrical weirdos at Fake Friends (and I mean that epithet in the most loving way possible) have done a couple of different livestreamed theatre events over the course of the pandemic, and I think This American Wife was my favorite of the two. The cast and crew had rented (or otherwise negotiated the use of) a giant mansion, and used it as their set for a twisty, dramatic, adoring pastiche of the Real Housewives franchise. It did things with the “Zoom theatre” format that I’ve never seen anyone else do.

Most surprising to me were the interludes where performers seemed to be telling real stories of their traumas and struggles, in the spirit of “reality TV,” only to later reveal that it may all have been theatrical trickery. It was a deeply disorienting piece of art, in the best way. I look forward to seeing what else Fake Friends get up to in the future.

 

Stay At Homo

The Toronto comedy scene has been a source of such joy for me during the pandemic, with their wacky Zoom improv shows and other online offerings. I was especially excited to see two of my favorite queer comedians, Tom Hearn and Ajahnis Charley, do a livestreamed sketch and music show called Stay At Homo. Originally it was going to be streamed from someone’s back yard but they had to move it indoors onto the stage of Comedy Bar for weather reasons, and as a result, watching it from home almost felt like I was back at that beloved venue.

The show (which you can still watch on YouTube) contained a bunch of solo sketches and musical numbers from these gifted performers. I laughed my ass off especially hard at Ajahnis’s song about being “a gay who loves basketball” – the bridge about “things that are both very gay and very basketball” makes me shriek with giggles.

 

 

Doing a hypnokink demo at the launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

101 Kinky Things book launch!

Of course, I’d be remiss not to include my own book launch in this post! In October I held a little (vaxxed-people-only) event at the KGB Bar, a dimly-lit communist bar in the East Village of New York City. With the help of my “tech director” and wonderful spouse Matt, I was able to livestream the event over Zoom so people could watch it from home too.

There were readings from the book, signing of copies, and (most excitingly) a few live kink demos featuring me, Matt, and my friend Bex. It was so cool getting to demonstrate things like pre-scene negotiation, erotic hypnosis, and impact play to a crowd of eager literary perverts. Much love to everyone who attended, either in person or online, and to Matt, Bex, and our terrific photographer Ashe for all the help making this event happen!

 

What were your favorite events this year, online, offline, or otherwise?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 4 Fun Events

Wow. Remember crowds?

While plotting this blog series, I considered swapping out this list of my fave events of the year for something more… timely. After all, as far as in-person events go, we’ve seen better years, to say the least. But as far as virtual events go? This was very probably the best year on record.

So here are the 4 events that stuck out most in my mind this year – some in-person, some virtual. I’m immensely grateful to everyone involved in making each of these happen, because this year needed a whole lot of brightening and they managed to brighten it.

(I’m not going to write about my wedding here, by the way… not because it wasn’t one of my favorite events of the year, but because that feels like a cop-out!)

Get On Your Knees

How could I have known what comedian Jacqueline Novak‘s one-woman show Get On Your Knees would be like? All I knew about it was that she was funny and well-reviewed, and that the show was about blowjobs. There are so many different ways a person can talk about blowjobs – I should know – so I wasn’t sure what to expect.

What ensued was a meandering and deeply personal show-long monologue about Jacqueline’s formative fellatio experiences. Her fears, her insecurities, her failures – and also her triumphs, her joys, her successes. She stalked around the stage, mic in hand, ranting about scrotal skin, vulva shame, and the inability to turn off her racing thoughts while giving head. Each and every observation felt fresh, relatable, and outrageously funny.

Part of the reason I do what I do here at Girly Juice is that women have traditionally been discouraged from talking openly about their sex lives – especially if they enjoy sex, especially if they’re critical of the men they have sex with, and especially if the types of sex they prefer to have are considered non-standard. To see a successful female comedian speaking frankly about sex on stage – in a manner both vulnerable and hilarious – reinvigorated my courage and drive to do what I do. I’m so happy Jacqueline’s show got the critical acclaim it deserved, and I know she’s changed the comedy landscape for the better.

The Beaches & Goodbye Honolulu at the Danforth Music Hall

Remember February? Ahh, ignorance was truly bliss.

On February 28th, I flew home from a weeks-long stretch in New York. The reason I’d picked that day was that on February 29th, I had a ticket to go see my brother’s band open for the Beaches. All I knew about the Beaches, going into this show, was that Max’s band had toured with them before, knew them pretty well, and respected them a lot. I knew they were an all-girl group, and some internalized misogyny led me to assume that they wouldn’t rock as hard as Goodbye Honolulu does. Well, I was very wrong.

Sitting in the cushy balcony of the legendary Danforth Music Hall with my parents, I had a quasi-religious experience at that show. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, at least not for the bands; they played their guitars and drums and basses, sang and screamed into their mics, strutted around the stage in hot outfits. But it had been a while since I’d been to a proper rock show, and I felt high even though the only “substance” I’d consumed was a beer from the bar downstairs. I was completely captivated by these bands – first the boys, and then the girls – their talent, their drive, their intensity.

Afterward, I walked out onto the snowy street, dazed and cleansed. I didn’t know, at the time, that this would be the last music show I’d go to in-person for a very long while. But knowing what I know now, I couldn’t have picked a better last hurrah before lockdown.

Abolish Police in Canada teach-in

It had been a few years since I’d been to a political rally, so attending an No Pride in Policing teach-in/rally at Nathan Phillips Square in late June was powerful.

Black and Indigenous activists spoke, read poetry, sang, and played music – some from afar via Zoom, some right in front of us – about the harm police have caused to their communities, and the structural changes that need to be made. Matt and I sat on the pavement, surrounded by hundreds of other (mostly masked and socially-distanced) rapt onlookers, and listened, clapped, and cheered.

The opposition to the event, while expected, was still disheartening. Police on bikes swarmed the perimeter; racist anti-maskers sprayed droplets with their enraged screams. But people attending the event, either as performers or onlookers, dealt with these threats in peaceful and purposeful ways, usually just blocking the opposition’s path to the stage so they couldn’t disrupt the proceedings further.

Since it happened around the same time Pride usually does, and was put on by the No Pride in Policing coalition, this was decidedly a queer community event. It felt so amazing to gather with other queers in service of a vitally important goal – defunding the police and redistributing their budget to other, more worthy causes – during Pride month, a time that’s always been political for us. The work being done by Black Lives Matter Canada (not to mention the organization’s other chapters worldwide) is absolutely phenomenal; I only hope that privileged policymakers start actually listening to them sometime soon.

Theatresports Online

The Bad Dog Theatre has been one of my favorite places for over 14 years. Unfortunately, now, it’s no longer so much a place as a community – both because the pandemic has prevented in-person gatherings, and because the pandemic has caused the Bad Dog to have to give up its physical space for the time being. They’re looking for a new one, but until then, we still have online shows to look forward to.

The programming put on by the Bad Dog this year made every week feel about 15% more bearable for me. Whether their improvisors were performing impromptu plays about love and sex, playing Dungeons & Dragons over Zoom, or interviewing fake “experts” about their fake books, they made me laugh so hard I cried every time I tuned into their YouTube channel.

Theatresports is the Bad Dog’s flagship improv show. I think the first time I ever saw an improv show in my life (that wasn’t an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway), it was a Theatresports show. It’s a competitive shortform show where two teams go head-to-head to see who can create the funniest scenes and games. In its online form this year, it was hosted every week by Tom Hearn, a vivacious beacon of brightness forever wearing elaborate drag makeup and randomly breaking into song between scenes.

Every time I had a hard week, whether related to pandemic stress, work stress, family stress, or literally anything else, I always knew I could sit down in front of the TV on Thursday night and the Bad Dog crew would keep me company and crack me up. They helped get me through this hell year, and I know I’m not the only one they helped in that way. I can never thank them enough for the laughs they served up in 2020.

 

What events made you happy this year?

Monthly Faves: Corona Coping with Comedy & Coach

Hope you’re holding up okay, loves. Here are some things that made my May more bearable…

Media

• First and foremost, I must direct you to watch all 3 episodes of Middleditch & Schwartz, a Netflix original miniseries of live longform improv shows. These two boys are some of the most skilled improvisors I’ve ever seen, and I say that as someone who used to improvise competitively and has been an improv fangirl/groupie her entire life! These specials gave me some much-needed laughs this month.

• Speaking of laughs, I also really enjoyed Bobby Knauff’s debut stand-up album Rock Bottom. I once saw Bobby perform comedy naked at the Oasis Aqualounge and have understandably liked him ever since!

• Have y’all seen These Thems?! It’s an adorable webseries about a bunch of queerdos flirting and fucking and learning about themselves. I think a lot of you would like it.

• I’ll probably write about this in more detail at some point – it’s still very fresh and I’m still processing it – but I recently took Clementine Morrigan’s online Trauma-Informed Polyamory workshop and it contains honestly potentially life-saving information for trauma survivors trying to do poly. If you struggle with “jealousy” in polyamory that manifests moreso as massive nervous-system distress, and you’ve endured traumas and/or attachment injuries, you really need this class.

• I’m slowly working my way through an advance copy of Emily Willingham’s forthcoming book Phallacy, a seemingly exhaustive and hugely amusing history of the evolution of the penis in humans and other animals. If you like dicks, to a nerdy and/or fetishistic degree, you’d probably dig this.

Mae Martin’s 2017 stand-up special is full of laughs and truth-bombs about family, queerness, gender, unchillness, and summer camp.

Products

• Hot Octopuss sent me their new-ish bullet vibe, the Amo, and it’s… very fucking good. Powerful and rumbly, easy-to-understand controls scheme, and only $49!! I’ll write a full review eventually…

• Wearing makeup can be a major boon for my mood, but what with all the mask-wearing we’re doing these days, no one can ever see my lipstick (and it ends up getting all over my masks anyway!) so I bought some new eyeshadows from MAC. Hoping they’ll put a little femme spring in my step, despite the circumstances.

• I found a vintage black leather Coach Willis bag from the early oughts on eBay and it is stunning. Looking forward to the day I get to pack it full of books for a solo jaunt to a cocktail bar in a post-pandemic world.

• My partner and I are still making/drinking fancy cocktails on the regular. My current fave ingredients include sherries (fino and amontillado are both so yummy in different ways) and homemade ginger syrup. So many possibilities!

• I bought a pair of black leather flats on deep discount from J. Crew and they are sooo comfy and cute. I seem to go through at least one pair of black flats every summer; hopefully these ones will hold up for a while!

• My current handbag obsession is this silver Coach Poppy pushlock satchel. I don’t own one yet, because, well, as we discussed recently, there isn’t much need for handbags in the age of coronavirus. But I sure do like to stare at this one. Wish I could carry it to a black-tie gala right about now.

• For the first time in my life, I got fucked with a cucumber this month. Um… do you want a blog post about that experience?!

Work & Appearances

• I was so excited when local queer publication Xtra asked me to write them some pieces for Masturbation Month, because I always love working with them. Check out my recs for the best partner-play toys and the best masturbation toys for folks with chronic pain.

• My latest column for Herizons magazine was about a major media pet peeve of mine: when people verbify the MeToo movement to say that particular high-profile rapists have “been MeToo’d” when someone comes forward to allege their wrongdoing, as if it’s the perpetrator’s life who’s been ruined and not the victim’s. Yuck.

• The good folks at LoveLustSecrets asked me to write a series of short erotica stories for them, and I decided to have it center around a plucky redheaded sex shop saleswoman named Ava. Some of my favorite instalments: a welcome-back blowjob, a Clone-a-Willy fuck, some fisting flirtation, and an alleyway wank.

• We had some great guests on the Dildorks this month: first, the author and theologian Tara Isabella Burton came to chat with us about how ethics and religion intersect with kink and non-monogamy, and then we had polyamory experts Kevin Patterson and Dr. Liz Powell on to discuss solutions to common polyam problems during the pandemic. We also addressed a bunch of listener questions about masturbation.

• I wrote some good newsletters this month about 5 kinks I wish I had, happiness during a crisis, my obsession du jour with barbershop quartets, and autofellatio.

Good Causes

• Police violence against Black folks, along with their disproportionate and unfair imprisonment rates, continue to be a rampant problem. The Minnesota Freedom Fund‘s mission is to “pay criminal bail and immigration bond for those who cannot afford to as we seek to end discriminatory, coercive, and oppressive jailing.” A similar organization in New York is the Brooklyn Community Bail Fund.

• Help support street medics’ vitally important work by donating to the North Star Health Collective.

• The family of Regis Korchinski-Paquet is raising funds toward seeking justice for her death (which some are reporting was another incidence of racist police violence, right here in Toronto).

Food Banks Canada could really use your help getting more food into the hands of those who need it.

• Queer porn legend and superstar stripper Andre Shakti is raising money for protection and housing in the wake of a domestic abuse situation.