consent

Y’all know how much I love improv, and you definitely know how much I love dating and hooking up – so, needless to say, I got excited when my favorite improv spot, the Bad Dog Theatre, launched a show a few years ago called Hookup.

The premise is simple: the cast says, “Raise your hand if you’re single!” and then picks two random people to talk to. They ask these volunteers about their lives, jobs, personalities, friends, hobbies, and what they’re looking for in a romantic partner. And then – with occasional input from these singled-out singles – the cast does an improvised one-act play about what might happen if those two people met and hooked up.

The show sells out week after week, and for good reason: it’s one of the best things on any Toronto stage anywhere right now. The cast – which includes, among others, the show’s director Paul Bates and his wife Christy Bruce – is incredibly hilarious, whip-smart, and always compassionate. The stories that unfold are wacky, unpredictable, and full of heart.

I reached out to director and cast member Paul Bates to interview him about the sexual and romantic aspects of the show, how he deals with sex and consent on stage, and why the show’s become such a runaway hit. Hope you enjoy reading our chat!

Kate Sloan: Thank you for agreeing to chat with me! I know it’s a little bit weird for me to be like, “I have this sex blog; I want to talk to you about your improv show!” but…

Paul Bates: Yeah! I think that’s great. I think it’s fun. When we’re backstage, we’re often talking about the improv aspect of the show, but we’re rarely thinking about the sex point of view – other than the imperative that people have to have it in the show, you know?

KS: Yeah! Well, I think about and reference improv all the time in the work that I do because my improv training has been so helpful to me in things like conversational skills, but also dirty talk, roleplay, that kind of thing. So I always tell people they should take an improv class.

PB: Oh, great!

KS: Okay, so – I love the show so much. I’ve gone to see it like 6 or 7 times. It’s maybe my favorite improv show I’ve ever seen in like a decade of going to shows.

PB: Oh, wow. Thank you!

KS: The cast is incredible, it’s so well-structured, it’s consistently really really funny. Can you tell me a little about the conception of the show and where the idea came from?

PB: Yeah. Julie Dumais Osborne, the woman who runs the Bad Dog, invited me to come pitch her some ideas. I tried to think of a few, but this one was easily the most compelling one. It just felt like the easiest, simplest and cleanest idea. I don’t know if you know the game “Day in the Life,” but it’s a game that goes over really well in most improv shows, where you meet somebody in the audience, you talk to them, you ask them about their day and their lives and “What is an average day for you? What do you have for breakfast? Where do you go to work? How do you get there?” So I thought about that, and I was like, “How can I apply that to something a little more universal? Is there a way to talk to more than one person about their lives?” At first, hooking up just seemed like – well, that’s something everybody does! It felt like a very accessible and easy game to play. And after that, the question was, how does it fit together? The one thing that I didn’t want to do, and that nobody in the cast wanted to do, was make it a romantic comedy – a thing where everybody winds up happy at the end. So that was our big difference: this isn’t romantic at all! It’s gonna be a hookup, and what happens after that. There’s no imperative that anybody has to stay together. It’s probably, more often than not, better if they just go their separate ways. So, not trying to be cynical, but also not trying to be formulaically romantic about it.

KS: Yeah. I love that about it. It kind of takes the pressure off.

PB: Yeah, totally. We love the casualness of it, and when we’re trying to steer the show the way we want it to go, we’re always trying to push for however many casual hookups we can produce in the same show – and then, what will each one lead to?

KS: Yeah. I always love the romances between the secondary characters. They’re so much wackier, usually.

PB: Yeah, that’s my favorite, all the way. It’s hard to find somebody who wants to play the main characters. Everybody always wants to play the secondary characters. They’re the most fun.

KS: Oh, really! That’s interesting. Whenever I see the show, I always wonder if people ever get offended by how they’re portrayed in the show, ‘cause they’re kind of being caricatured.

PB: Yeah. It’s a fine line, and we always try to make jokes involving them and have fun with their lives, while still celebrating them and not just having fun at their expense. There’s only been a couple of times where we did do that, where we did have fun at the expense of people that we talked to, but each time, they kind of deserved it, and the audience was on our side. [laughing] One time, there was some guy who was just too self-assured, who kept talking about all the media projects he has going, and he was kind of bragging and boasting, and it was just too easy. But the audience was kind of like, “We get it. We get this dude’s vibe.” And then there was another guy… He put his hand up, and we talked to him, and we were like, “Who are you here with? How do you guys know each other?” and he was like, “Oh, we’re on a date.” Or, “We’re dating.”

KS: Yikes!

PB: So, you know how we say, “What’s a word to describe this person?” When we asked his date to describe him in one word, she said “douche.”

KS: Oh my god!

PB: So, already, I was like, oh man, has this date completely gone off the rails? But we basically played him as a complete douche, always dating someone all the way through. We gave a lot of power to the character of his girlfriend, and the audience loved it. I don’t know if he loved it. But by and large, I don’t know if we’ve ever really offended anyone. The closest may have been not too long ago: we did a show where there was someone involved in the world of finance who we were talking to. I can’t remember the exact job she had, but it was in the world of venture capitalism, where you’re buying companies, restructuring them, and selling them – which sounds to me like you’re laying people off. And so, the more we went into the show, the more we were critical of her line of work. We were making it sound like she’s destroying people’s lives. So it’s a pretty actor-y take on somebody’s Bay Street job. That might’ve been the closest, but we really try to avoid doing that. There was one guy who was on a first date that we wound up talking to once, and he was like, “Ahh, I’m on a first date,” but I totally got where he was coming from, because you can’t just say, “Oh, I’m not single” if you’re on a first date…

KS: Right.

PB: So it was a bit of a no-win scenario for him.

KS: Just don’t volunteer!

PB: Yeah, he shouldn’t have volunteered. But, you know, we also don’t exactly say what they’re volunteering for when we get them to put their hands up, so I totally understood the trap he was in.

KS: Yeah, true.

PB: But everybody played into it really well, and the audience was on his side, and he had a really good time. The strangest thing about it is, like, we might go off the rails in our caricature of some of these people, and then when we meet them afterwards at the bar, they’ll be like, “Oh my god, that is exactly my life!” and we’re like, “Really?!” Maybe it’s a case of people seeing what they want to see, but they usually, 99% of the time, walk out having had a really good time.

KS: That’s great. I guess maybe you wouldn’t know this, but, to your knowledge, have any of the couples ever actually hooked up?

PB: There was once where I’m pretty sure… Like, they definitely talked for a long time at the bar, and I think maybe they left at the same time. Usually, we’re watching. Especially Natalie [Metcalfe]. Natalie loves it. She stays and keeps an eye out. And if ever they’re talking, everybody’s just like, “Oh, what’s gonna happen!” We really want it to happen. We want to be responsible! But more often than not, there’s chatting done and then they kind of go their own ways. I don’t know if numbers have ever been exchanged. There’s often been cases where one person is more into it than the other, which is heartbreaking for me.

KS: Yeah. I feel like, someday, someone’s gonna come to your show and be like, “We met here and we’re getting married.” It’d be the best marriage toast story.

PB: I hope so. I’ve been in that situation before, where people have come up to me and said, “Hey, man, my first date was to your improv show,” and that always makes me feel good when the relationship works out.

KS: I’m really curious about how you to decide to handle sex during the show. Usually, it seems like sex things start and then you edit and go to the next scene. I did see one where Kris Siddiqi was, like, rubbing his head on someone’s ass, and this was his signature sex move, and that was one of the only times I’ve seen actual representation of sex in some form on stage. But how do you handle sex in the show?

PB: That’s a good question. I saw the pictures of Kris with his head in a butt – I wasn’t there that night – and as soon as I saw the pictures, I was like, “I wish I was there.” But sex, yeah… It’s interesting. Sex usually gets edited away and implied, for what feels like a couple of reasons. One is that sometimes the sex is gonna be funny – like with that example you cited, and there’ve been other ones as well – and then sometimes it feels, not gratuitous, but if we’re just simulating sex acts on stage, are we doing good comedy? We have to be like, “What’s the best joke here?” and I think we’re more likely to engage and act it out if we know that there’s gonna be a comedic payoff to the sex scene. Definitely there’s been other cases where something really acrobatic got going, where we were up against a wall or something… I remember pinning Christy [Bruce] against a wall and simulating sex with her for some reason, but I can’t remember why!

KS: [laughing]

PB: And then, the other reason is – everybody’s pretty good about physicality in the show, but if you’ve done improv, you probably know that physicality is one of the first things to go out the window. People are generally averse to touching a lot in an improv scene. It’s a tough habit to break, and it’s a good habit to break, because physicality is so important in a scene. But then you also enter into the question of what’s safe for everybody, what’s acceptable. We’ve actually gotten in the habit backstage of checking in with everybody in terms of, “How safe does everyone feel? Is anyone injured? Does anyone not want to be touched tonight?” It’s probably something that should happen before most improv shows. It’s a habit I’m happy everyone’s gotten into. But yeah, I think for the most part, to answer your question, it’s a narrative thing. I think it makes more sense to not feel like we owe a sex scene, but if there’s potential for a sex scene, then people are usually happy to jump in.

KS: I think that that’s really great that you have conversations about consent. I feel like I’m hearing more about that in the comedy community over the past few years, which is really nice.

PB: I know. It’s a little shocking that it took this long! But yeah, especially with our show, I can’t remember who first mentioned it, but oh my god, yes. There’s a lot of comfort to deal with, especially when you’ve got somebody coming in who doesn’t do the show every week. It would be weird to have a guest come in and be brought into this world of intense physicality. So they have to be given a heads-up beforehand.

KS: Yeah. So, the show is constantly sold out. I’ve been to the Bad Dog a lot; I think those are definitely the most crowded times I’ve ever seen it. I’m wondering: is it easier to sell tickets to shows that are about love and sex? What do you think it is about the show or the format that makes people go so crazy over it?

PB: Yeah. It is a little bit of a mystery. This is easily the most popular thing I’ve ever come up with. I think there’s a few really clear and good reasons, and one is, the content is universal. You could take it to every corner of the world and the themes still make sense. The title is clear; you get what the show’s gonna be about, it’s about hooking up. And then on top of that, the game that gets played, in terms of what improv is going on, is also very clear, very easy to understand and explain to your friends. “They talk to two single people in the audience and then they act out their lives and they show a story of what it would be like if those two people hooked up.” It was smartly marketed around Valentine’s Day when it first came out – like, “the Valentine’s show for singles” – so it got marketed towards a lot of singles, and I think the fact that it has a very clear idea, a very accessible, universal idea, made word-of-mouth very easy. I think word-of-mouth is basically what is making the show sell out. People see it and they bring back their friends and want to share it with their friends, and then that multiplies and multiplies. And then people come up and they want to be picked. Like, “Oh, it’s my friend’s birthday, pleeease pick my friend!” People literally showed up with Price is Right-style signs once, a couple years ago, with reasons they should be picked. I think almost all the improv at the Bad Dog is really really good; I think the difference is that this show has a hook that is easy to relate to people who haven’t been there. It’s a marketable show – not by design. We just kind of made a show we thought would be fun. And obviously, also, its success depends mostly on the fact that the cast is superb. It wouldn’t be there without the people in that cast.

KS: Yeah. I’ve brought so many people to see it. People get very excited about the concept, like you said.

PB: Oh, thank you! That’s great.

KS: So, you mentioned Christy, and – if this question is too personal, feel free not to answer, but – I’m just so curious what it’s like doing a show like this with your spouse.

PB: It’s very fun. Christy loves to play over-the-top characters. She likes to get into the seducing scenes, and she likes to get physical. She likes to get melodramatic. So it’s always fun to play with her. I think she has license to go over-the-top and go a little farther in this show, which is great. It’s fun to be able to do a scene with your wife where you don’t have to worry about wondering what the other’s boundaries are, I suppose. We kind of know. We’re able to have an intimacy that might be a bit much to ask of a partner on stage otherwise. That said, I’ve also seen her be just as intimate with other guys on stage, and that’s also kind of funny and fun to watch. So yeah, I think it’s really cool to have her in the show, and it really helps that she gets the show so well, and that she’s been doing it for so long, and that she has an energy that really works in the show. It’s nice. It’s become something that we enjoy doing together. Other couples, I guess, do pottery or whatever, and we get to go do this improv show. It becomes kind of a couples’ recreational time, in addition to a professional thing we’re both performing in. There’s no uneasiness about it or anything.

KS: She is just unbelievably funny.

PB: Yeah. She’s very funny. She’s great. She’s wonderful.

KS: This is a really big, broad question, but – have you learned anything about human relationships or sex or romance from doing this show?

PB: That’s a really good question. Yeah, a little bit. I’m not really somebody who did a lot of hookups or one-night stands or whatever, and through doing this show, I’ve become more aware of the wide spectrum of tastes and levels of comfort and approaches that everybody has, and I think that’s pretty cool. You really do talk to a bunch of different people, and you get a wide variety of styles and personalities and views on the subject from meeting people, which I think is really cool. It is almost more about the actual meeting people and communicating and negotiating that portion of it than it is about the sex in the show, now that I’m thinking about it. But it’s funny that you reached out about this interview at the time that you did, because at exactly the same time, I was trying to seek out a lot of sex-positive blogs, just to educate myself more on that term, because it was kind of new to me. I’ve started thinking about Hookup in terms of what it means to be a sex-positive show. I think it makes sense that it is one. I suppose something I’ve learned is to look at this show in the sense that, everything is celebrated, nothing is weird, and the show is about what everybody’s into. You have to do that, because you’re basing it on the people in the audience. They’re the heroes, and you’re not in a position to judge what they do. I like a show that’s super positive, super celebratory, and okay with everything. Part of that, also, was that right from the beginning, we were like, “We wanna make this show gay, we wanna make it straight, we wanna make it bi.” And now I’m like, gee, what else can we do? Can we make it polyamorous? Can we have a polyamory show?

KS: That’s so interesting, ‘cause me and my partner are polyamorous, and every time we go, I always kind of wish we could volunteer, because we’re available to date people, we’re just not single. It’s an interesting situation to be in.

PB: I was thinking about it after we agreed to talk. We’ve had a show specifically for a queer audience, a queer Hookup. A show specifically for a full polyamory audience would be a really interesting show, I think. I’m gonna float it around. But yeah, that’s what the perspective of the show has opened my eyes to.

KS: That’s really interesting and well-put. I hadn’t thought about it before, but I think you’re right, that is part of the reason I love the show: it isn’t sex-negative. I never feel like people are being shamed. It’s really nice.

PB: At the same time, it’s totally goofy – like Kris’s head in somebody’s butt. That might be how somebody has sex, or it might not. We are ready to do whatever on stage, and make it cool and normal and funny. I’m on board with that.

You can (and should) check out Hookup at the Bad Dog Theatre every Saturday night at 9:30 p.m. for the foreseeable future! Thanks so much to Paul for his candor and for creating a show I love so much. This interview was lightly edited for clarity and length.