Erin Pim

Behind the Seams: Slutty Seductress + Glamorous Grampa

Kate Sloan

March 24th, 2018. I wore this to a party my friend Suz threw to celebrate the overhaul and relaunch of her blog. The event description said, “Kinky, queer, fetish wear, glitter, and extra outfits are highly encouraged!” so I decided to get real slutty.

I bought this dress at Forever 21 in early 2016 and couldn’t believe such a mainstream store was selling such an overtly fetishistic item. However, then Bex pointed out that I may have been wearing it backwards… and, as it turned out, they were right. The corsetry is supposed to go up the back, instead of being essentially a cleavage window. But fuck that: I do what I want!

The party was a good time: we danced to ’90s pop, drank cocktails, talked about sex research, watched porn being projected on a giant screen, ate cupcakes with penises and vulvas on them, and debated the merits of various sex toys. Suz really knows how to throw a shindig!

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in braided high pigtails (the Baby Spice vibez are TOO good; I need to do this more often)
• Tight black lace-up dress – Forever 21
• Skin-tone pantyhose – probably Shoppers Drugmart (bought to wear to a wedding last year)
• Black leather Frye engineer boots
• Silver “Daddy’s” heart-shaped padlock – a gift from my love, custom-made by L’Amour-Propre, worn on a chain from a silver key necklace I got on Canal Street in 2006

April 15th, 2018. When I put this on, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided I looked like a glamorous grampa. It’s quite an aesthetic!

This is, IMO, the ideal outfit for schlepping through a foot of snow to a local café on a lazy Sunday afternoon, sipping a latte, and reading a trippy award-winning novel for a few hours, which is exactly what I did. I also journaled about the top-10 most memorable sexual experiences of my life thus far, because what else would a sex writer do on her day off?

What I’m wearing:
• Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink liquid lipstick in “Pioneer” (it stayed on admirably and didn’t even mark the mug I drank from – impressive!)
• White J. Crew men’s T-shirt – a gift from my boyfriend; he wore it under an impeccable navy suit on our second date and, the next morning, told me I could keep it, a gesture I predictably reacted to by clutching it against my nose and bursting into tears
• Berry-pink merino wool V-neck cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye engineer boots
• Coach Mercer satchel in a color called “Cloud” – one of the few fancy treats I bought when I briefly had a sugar daddy last year
• Montale “Aoud Lime” perfume (obsessed – it’s like a little kick of springtime, which, on this absurdly wintry mid-April day, felt necessary)

April 24th, 2018. I wore this to perform in the Bed Post variety show at the Super Wonder Gallery. I’ve been on the bill at Bed Post a couple times before and it’s always a hoot: the host, Erin Pim, is a whip-smart driven fox, and she always picks such funny, talented, magnetic people for her show’s lineup. It was an honor to be invited back!

I played 3 sexy and/or kinky songs of mine: “Compliance,” “Casual,” and “A Nerd Like You.” Then I settled in with a whiskey on the rocks to watch the other acts, including adorable comedian Emily Bilton and burlesque bombshell Zyra Lee Vanity. Such a fun evening!

What I’m wearing:
• A navy blue smoky eye and red lipstick
• Hair in braided pigtails because Sir said so
• Blue L’Amour-Propre collar, also because Sir said so
• “It’s Magic” T-shirt – Pen and Kink
• Navy high-waisted skirt – Old Navy
• Navy tights – Hue
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• (Not pictured) Leather jacket for that rock-star edge

Monthly Faves: Submission, Scents, & Psychology

Kate Sloan

What a lovely month in my sex life! My spreadsheet is a-burstin’. Here’s some of what went on in April…

Sex toys

• The Doxy #3 continues to be a fave. I went on yet another New York jaunt this month and appreciated, once again, this li’l wand’s portability and lightness compared to its bigger, bulkier brothers.

• I was lucky enough this month to receive a strap-on blowjob from a beautiful boy. I wore my raspberry-pink Aslan Leather Jaguar harness and my sparkly pink Godemiche Ambit. They made quite a gorgeous image, especially in combination with the mouth of one of my favorite people.

• After only trying The Butters lube on my own bits, it was a fun revelation to try it on someone else’s. It makes for excellent handjobs!

Fantasy fodder

• Lately I’m swoonin’ extra hard about my meta-kink for someone knowing exactly how to turn me on and make me come. (What would you call this, anyway? I have it listed on my FetLife profile as “you knowing exactly what I need” but I’m not 100% happy with that label.) Some recent quotes from my boyfriend that exemplify this perfectly and have been haunting my fantasy-brain: “I always want to get better at knowing the best ways to dom you and fuck you.” “I love being so good at you and learning what makes you tick even more deeply.” “Is that gonna make you come, if I keep fucking you nice and deep like that?” 😍

• Teasing and edging submissive boys is fuuun. I’m nowhere near a dyed-in-the-wool domme, so this isn’t something I’d want to do every day, but when it’s right, it’s sooo right.

Sexcetera

• I just got back from the AltSex conference! Lots of fascinating stuff about kink psychology this year – most interestingly to me, Petra Zebroff and Pega Ren‘s talk on what motivates doms and subs to take on their respective roles, and Samuel Hughes‘ talk on kink identity development. I took lots of notes and will be ponderin’ and implementin’ some of what I learned!

• I was invited back to the Bed Post variety show to play some sexy ukulele tunes, and it was so much fun! Sharing a bill with the delightful Erin Pim and her merry band of sex-positive weirdos is always a joy.

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote a piece for Cosmopolitan (!!) about the sex therapy concept of “sensate focus” and how it can apply to blowjobs. On our podcast, Bex and I answered common questions people ask sex educators, interviewed Dawn Serra and Mx Nillin, and got delightfully high on 4/20.

Media

• I’m loving Alina Baraz‘s new EP, The Color of You. I’ve profiled her music before (here, here, and here) because she makes some of the sexiest slow-jams in the biz, and that’s still true.

• Did you know that Emily Nagoski, of Come As You Are fame, also writes romance novels under the pseudonym Emily Foster? I devoured both of them this month and they reminded me exactly how clever and thrilling the romance genre can be. Having a super-smart and likeable female protagonist sure helps!

• Clementine Morrigan’s new zine “I Want You to Fuck Me” is a straightforward, plain-language statement of their sexual desires, boundaries, needs, and best practices. It’s only 10 pages long but it got me thinking about what my own wants and needs are and how I can optimally assert them when necessary. (If you’re interested in this kind of thing, you also need Bex’s Yes/No/Maybe list in your life!)

Femme stuff

• My boyfriend got me a birthday gift unlike anything I’ve ever received before: he commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me a custom fragrance. SWOON! It’s called Aimanté and it’s feminine and sexy and complex. Should I write a whole blog post sometime about the process, my thoughts on the scent, etc.? Let me know in the comments…

• Shout-out to MeUndies for making the comfiest lounge pants I’ve ever owned. I have a pair in red and black plaid and a pair in plain black, and they are majorly important to my free-‘n’-easy freelancer/lackadaisical layabout wardrobe.

• GlamGlow makes a tinted lip balm called PoutMud which was on sale at Sephora when I placed an order there this month, so of course, I snapped one up in red. It’s got a slight minty tingle and a beautiful tint, so I’ve been wearing it a lot.

Little things

My darlin’ sending me flowers because I was depressed (and making a subtle Sweeney Todd reference in the attached note; what a nerd). Seeing Anais sing opera in a “Fluevog shoebox” of a concert hall (and Henry shouting, “Iconic!”). Collecting romantic memorabilia in the back pocket of my Moleskine. Improvisors making a tweet of mine into a hilarious scene (and then apologizing to me for it afterward). Pink and blue Blackwing pencils. Cam shows with respectful clients. Nerding out over vocabulary with my love. Beautiful cocktails at so many luxe places: Northwood, Mulberry, Maysville, Eleven Madison Park, and more. How lovely you tend to look in photos taken by someone who loves you. “I am generally known, where I am known, as one cool, collected queen.” Fancy chocolate. Useful attitude adjustments and meta-communication tricks that make relationships more harmonious. Bow-shaped gingerbread cookies in a heart-eyes emoji mug from Bex. Seeing my little brother open for Kate Nash at the Mod Club. Following along with Caitlin‘s updates from her training with Betty Martin (creator of the Wheel of Consent). Sir requesting a guitar in our hotel room so I could serenade him. The portmanteau “meetamour” (and the meetamour itself). Repairing the damage done by nonconsensual touch with consensual touch.

Monthly Faves: Southsides & Sweet Sadists

Kate Sloan

March was kind of a weird month for my mental health but I still managed to get fucked real good a bunch… Here were some of my fave things this month!

Sex toys

• SheVibe sent me a Neon Wand a little while ago after I mentioned being curious about electrostimulation (thank you, sweet angels!) and I finally got to try it out with a partner this month. M’boyf strapped me down using my under-the-bed restraints and then proceeded to zap me all over various tender body parts until I turned into a subspacey mess. Full review to come!

• I requested a Liberator Axis from Betty’s Toy Box and I’m even more into it than I thought I would be. It’s a sexual positioning aid, much like the Liberator Wedge or Jaz, except it has a slot where you can insert your Magic Wand. Ideal for hands-free clitoral stimulation while getting fucked from behind or spanked!

• Did y’all know that it’s really fun to fuck someone with an Njoy Pfun plug while you’re blowing them? Well, it is.

Fantasy fodder

• I mentioned hysteria kink last month but I’m gonna talk about it again, dammit. One night in mid-March after a tipsy date at Northwood, my darlin’ was kissing and spanking me in bed when he suddenly said, “I want you to take off your panties and be my patient.” I knew immediately that he meant he wanted to enact the kind of medical-play scene we’d sexted about on many an occasion. Swoooon. I’ve fantasized about this type of play for a long time, so it felt especially magical to have him expertly pull an orgasm from my body with the Eleven and Doxy #3 while mumbling darkly about what a good patient I was and how much better I was going to feel after the procedure.

• Welp, you can file bootblacking under “things I liked in fantasy that I ended up liking even more IRL.” After plenty o’ sexting about it, my Sir and I finally gave bootblacking a shot this month, with him in a comfortable armchair and me on a leash at his feet. I got waaay more subspacey and trancey than I was expecting; it was meditative and lovely. And his shoes looked fucking great afterward.

• I’m experimenting with dominance a little these days. I’ve played with it before, but usually only with people I was exclusively dominant over; it’s rare I attempt to switch with people who normally dom me. But it’s been fun. I like roleplaying as a withholding mistress or a bratty blackmailing schoolgirl. (And I love that one of my favorite subby kink honorifics, “princess,” works just as well for me in a dominant role if we spell it with a capital P…)

Sexcetera

• Check me out on the Bed Post podcast! Erin and I had a great chat about hypnokink, DD/lg, sex spreadsheets, and more.

• I was so proud of my friend Suz this month when she relaunched her website and held a rad party to celebrate the occasion. There was a delicious signature cocktail called the Sex on the Peach, genitalia cupcakes, porn screenings, “CUM” balloons, a spanking booth, and more. I had so much fun dancing the night away to ’90s pop in a super slutty outfit. Congrats, Suz!

Femme stuff

• I bought sequinned leggings from the Gap and they’re so good. I used to own a pair like these in high school and I wore them so much they literally fell apart. Looking forward to going dancing in these; I’ll be a walking disco ball!

• My Sir ordered a couple custom pieces for me from L’Amour-Propre this month: a leash in the same blue suede as my collar, and a silver heart-shaped lock with “Daddy’s” engraved on it. We’re still feeling out exactly what the lock is for and under what circumstances I’ll wear it, but I’ve been wearing it on a silver chain and treating it as basically a fancier collar, and it’s so pretty!

• I bought a Dildorks shirt. It’s cute as fuck. You can order your own here!

Little things

Dinner and a comedy show with my bruddy. The boyf staying up with me on FaceTime til 2:30AM, helping me with a research project and making me laugh. Ukulele jam sessions. Making money doing what I love. Seeing Stacey Kent in concert after loving her music for like 15 years. My new tattoo, still. Giggling at Flo & Joan songs with Zoe over gin and tonics. My new roommate’s two cats (I have befriended… one of them). My sweet Sir asking if he could call me when I was having a bad mental health night by saying, “Are you sure you don’t just wanna hear my voice be silly and stuff? You don’t have to do anything; I can just be entertaining and complimentary.” Watching the hot bartender at the Crow’s Theatre make me a wonderful old-fashioned. My two favorite songs of the month, “Like or Like Like” and “Kidnap Me.” Pizza and wine with Rosaline, as per usual. Sir visiting me in Toronto, and getting to take him to my fave places. The breakfast special at Dooney’s. Crossing things off to-do lists. Sipping a Southside with my daddy while talking about D/s semantics.