It’s been a rough month for my physical and mental health, but as per usual, I managed to find some comfort and joy in sex. Here’s some of what I loved in February…
Sex toys
• I mentioned it briefly last month, but: the VixSkin Bandit is rocking my vag’s world lately. It’s comparable, dimensions-wise, to one of my favorite flesh-and-blood cocks in the known universe, so of course I love it for that reason – but it’s also a knockout in its own right. Vixen Creations is always killin’ it. (Their latest, the Gambler, is hilariously massive; maybe I’ll manage to fit one into me someday.)
• If you’re in need of a new water-based lube, I can’t recommend Sutil Rich highly enough. It’s luxuriously thick and long-lasting for a lube of this type, and I love how elegant the bottle looks on my nightstand. I’ve gotta restock mine soon!
• I’ve been wanting a Crystal Delights Star Delight glass dildo for years, and it’s always been way out of my price range – but they were having a sale around Christmastime, so I bought myself one as a holiday gift and had it shipped to my boyfriend in New York to save on postage costs. It’s quite a simple shape, and it’s made of borosilicate glass rather than the fancier and weightier soda lime glass, and both of those facts make me doubt that it’s worth its ridiculously high price tag. But it’s become one of my favorite toys to have inside me while I’m receiving oral sex. It’s surprisingly hard to find toys that work well for this purpose, but this one fits the bill. Here’s my partner on why this toy is genius:
When I’m going down on you, and I want to fuck you with a dildo, it’s nice to have something that won’t jab me in the face. The Crystal Delights dildo is perfect for this because after it’s inserted, it has a wide/thin base that I can easily press on with my hand, but that doesn’t bump my chin while I’m licking and sucking on your clit. Pressing one or two fingers against the gem in the base allows me to find the center of the toy just by touch and control the angle more easily. And It stays in place really well because of the texture and length, so I never worry about it coming too far out right as I get close to making you come. Also it looks gorgeous sliding into your cunt, and when I take a moment to breathe and give your sensitive clit a break, I have a pretty glass cock to look at.
Fantasy fodder
• (Content note for this one: incest roleplay.) Older brother/younger sister roleplay is something my partner and I experiment with occasionally. It’s an interesting dynamic because it allows for both nurturing-based and humiliation-based styles of dominance; I can be both bullied and loved, in the same scene, by the same person. Basically what I’m saying is that every way m’boyf ever dominates me is hot as fuck and I want more of it…
• (Content note: intoxicated sex, faux-“drugging.”) After a visit to a local dispensary, my partner and I found ourselves in possession of a weed-infused Nanaimo bar, which of course we immediately used for sexual purposes. High sex is great; high sex specifically on edibles is, in my experience, especially great. More giggly kink 2k19!
• A recurring fantasy for me lately is a scenario where a dommy dude fucks me and commands a subby dude to go down on me during the proceedings, purely so I’ll be tight and wet for his pleasure. (Uhh, writing porny shit like this still embarrasses me even though I’ve been chronicling my sex life online for nearly 7 years.) I enjoy that this fantasy makes me feel simultaneously objectified and prized, both useful and unimportant in one fell swoop. The breadth of the human sexual imagination is a trip!
Sexcetera
• The Voices of the Walrus podcast read my piece on asexuality and also interviewed me about it on live TV. I thought their questions were really smart, and I hope I answered them well!
• This month was the five-year anniversary of Tell Me Something Good, my local sexy storytelling event. It was lovely to spend the evening with whip-smart sex-positive folks, sharing stories from our wacky-‘n’-wild sex lives. I told the story of my recent Library Bar roleplay with my partner and it was fun!
• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 10 times and phone sex 22 times, totaling 32 sex sessions.
Femme stuff
• Despite owning a zillion already, I bought a new red lipstick this month: Rouge D’Armani matte lipstick in “Lucky Red,” the matte version of my favorite red. (I don’t think they make the glossy version of this shade anymore?! Or at least, Sephora doesn’t seem to sell it.) It’s classic and luxurious and makes me feel like a movie star, which is exactly what a red lipstick should do.
• Many many months ago, I tweeted lustfully about Coach’s collaboration collection with Keith Haring. My very sweet boyfriend evidently filed that information away, because 10 months later, on our anniversary, he surprised me with the blue Rogue bag from that collection – engraved with my initials and a little blue heart, natch. It’s astonishingly beautiful and well-made, and I feel so sophisticated and vibrant every time I carry it anywhere.
• My best makeup look of the month was the navy smoky eye I did for a long-distance date celebrating our “collarversary.” Sir and I each went to a hotel bar in our respective cities (our first I-love-you was uttered in a hotel bar exactly one year earlier) and talked on the phone while sipping cocktails and snacking. It was romantic AF and I felt very glamorous!
Media
• If you’re at all interested in the subjective experience of mental illness, run – don’t walk – to buy Esmé Weijun Wang’s new book, The Collected Schizophrenias. It’s getting a lot of attention since its launch, and for damn good reason: the essays in its pages depict the sometimes-grim, sometimes-poetic realities of living with schizoaffective disorder, from stigma to self-care to death delusions. I loved every moment I spent reading this book.
• I absolutely tore through Raven Kaldera’s anthology on submissives with disabilities, Kneeling in Spirit. It’s a lovely and affirming resource. If you’re a submissive with physical limitations, or the dominant of someone like that, you should pick this up.
• At one point this month, I experienced an intense and random urge to listen to one of my favorite Missy Bauman songs, “Natalie.” Resultingly, I started listening to Missy’s music pretty much on loop for weeks. She has a new EP out – go take a listen!
Little things
Karaoke night with treasured pals. Selfies in bisexual lighting. Getting pitches accepted at dream publications. Seeing my bruddy perform live. Highly aesthetic peppermint tea. Using D/s as a tool to help keep me healthy. My new fancy pen (a recommendation from my pen-nerd boyfriend). Oysters and Manhattans. Hitting 10,000 Twitter followers! A tiny ruler I bought for impact play before I realized how tiny it was. Ridiculous over-the-top Valentine’s outfits. Spending V-Day evening at a children’s musical in the Distillery District by myself. Beauteous flowers from my beau. Hanging out with cats. My new rainbow menstrual cup. CXBO chocolates. Matching MeUndies. Really immersive hypnotic inductions. Jacobs & Co. Steakhouse. My Sir’s insistence on finding pancakes for me when I was craving ’em. Renewing my Soulpepper subscription. My sparkly new phone case. My new assistant (it’s a long story).