etsy

Review: Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg

Kate Sloan

The Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg comes in many different sizes, ranging from extra small to extra large. Normally this would be a good thing, but for a kegel product with no retrieval cord, I can only recommend the extra small size… and only to people who are comfortable putting at least half their hand into their vagina.

I was sent the small size, which isn’t that small: 1 ½” in diameter, the same width as some of the bigger dildos my vagina can handle.

It’s a beautiful product: totally smooth all over, softly pointed ends, high-quality glass. As an object of beauty or a paperweight, it’s flawless. However, as a vaginal product, I can’t recommend it.

I inserted it with only a minimal amount of lube. (Don’t do this. Trust me.) I stood up and bounced around, checking how well it stayed in. It didn’t move or shift at all, which should have been a warning sign; the mechanism by which vaginal eggs exercise the PC muscle is by feeling like they’re almost slipping out, thereby forcing you to clench your muscles to keep the egg inside. There was none of that feeling with this egg, because it’s too big and I’m too tight, evidently, even when totally relaxed.

After noting that the egg’s shape and dimensions fit my vagina so well that I couldn’t even feel the damn thing inside me (disappointing), I tried to push it out with my vaginal muscles.

Nothing happened. I reached inside and tried to pull or push it out of me, and again, nothing happened. This is when I started to panic.

My boyfriend was there at the time, luckily. I laid on my back with my legs pulled up and instructed him to lube up two fingers and try to extract the egg. He did, and we spent a good fifteen minutes like that, him fishing around in my vag and me trying to bear down with my muscles. Let me tell you, it was not comfortable. (Irrelevant sidebar: my boyfriend was hard the whole time. Not because he found my pain arousing, but because he gets hard easily and he was touching my vagina. If I hadn’t been in so much discomfort, I would have laughed.)

We even tried inserting the Magic Banana as a sort of makeshift vaginal lasso, but by then, the egg had gone up fairly deep into me and I didn’t want to push it in any further by accident.

Then I remembered that there is a position in which the contents of my vagina (e.g. a menstrual cup) tend to slip out, even when I don’t want them to. I know this because it’s the position I usually sleep in, but can’t when I’m on my period, lest my cup fall out and ruin my bedding.

The position involves lying on my stomach, with one leg (usually the right one, though it probably doesn’t matter) pulled up and bent. Imagine a flamingo or a person hopping on one foot, except lying down on their front. That’s basically what it looks like.

I laid in that position and pushed out rhythmically with my muscles while my boyfriend looked on. After a few minutes of that, I finally gave birth to the egg. And then immediately vowed never to try it again.

The product itself isn’t a bad one. Having no retrieval cord isn’t a big deal if the toy is shaped and sized in such a way that it can come out easily with a little pushing. But if the “small” size was big enough to get lodged in my vag, I have to wonder who would possibly want to use the medium, large, and extra large sizes. True, they’ll stay in all day if you want ‘em to, but a) that defeats the purpose of a kegel product and b) you might need an excavation team to get them out of you.

Thanks so much to Luscious Playthings for letting me try out this product!

Review: Jollies Jollet

Kate Sloan

I was insanely excited to receive my package from Chavez Dezignz. As soon as I had opened it up and fondled this beautiful polka-dotted dildo in my hands, I updated my EdenFantasys status: “This week, my vagina will conquer the Jollies Jollet!”

I’m sad to report that it actually happened the other way around: the Jollet conquered my vagina.

My vag is on the smaller side of average. This is something I know, and have had to accept. I can take my boyfriend’s 6", average-girthed cock without pain or discomfort if it’s adequately lubed, and I can handle a dildo of a 1.5" diameter if I’m warmed up – but that’s about as far as I had gone, prior to the Jollet.

Jollies’ Jollet was designed from a mould of a vagina, so it’s made to fill up all the nooks and crannies inside a pussy, nestling there and staying in place. As such, it has a rather enormous bump (1.75") toward the end of the shaft that is meant to stimulate the G-spot when fully inserted. The Jollet also has a small, pointy end that can rub the cervix and surrounding area. I requested the Jollet because I like firm pressure on my G-spot and mild cervical stimulation, so it seemed like a good fit.

Tragically, it’s not a good fit at all. I’ve tried to use the Jollet on multiple occasions with no luck whatsoever.

This is how it usually goes: While watching porn and playing with my clit, I warm up with some other dildos, starting with a small one (Ella) and then moving to a larger one (Adam). Everything’s lubed and feeling good; I’m getting very turned on and can feel my G-spot crying out for more.

Then, I think, “Hey, maybe I’ll try the Jollet today.” I pull it out, drench it in lube, and slowly start to slide it in.

As the G-spot bump becomes parallel with my pubic bone, my pussy is overtaken by a sharp, burning pain. I tell myself, Just a little further, maybe it’ll slide in, and push it. It feels forced and agonizing. It feels like losing my virginity all over again.

After a few minutes of this, I can’t handle the pain anymore, so I remove the inch or two of the Jollet that I had managed to insert, wipe off the gallons of lube, and collapse into a pile of defeat and frustration.

If I was going to commission Chavez Dezignz to make a version of the Jollet just for me, I’d make a couple of small, but significant changes. I’d have them make the silicone squishier (currently it’s practically rock-hard, with no “give” to make insertion easier), and I’d reduce the diameter of the G-spot bump, even just by 0.1" or so. I think that would make all the difference for women with wimpy orifices like myself.

Other times that I’ve struggled with fitting a toy inside me, I wanted to work up to the challenge, because I felt like it was possible. Adam, for example, initially hurt a little, but its squishiness assured me that I’d be able to handle it if I spent more time on warm-up – and lo and behold, it’s still my favorite dildo for when I get into a “fill me up completely” kind of mood.

With the Jollet, it’s different. The challenge isn’t fun. It doesn’t encourage me to seek out the tricks I’ll need to get it to fit. I just don’t believe it ever will. It hurts like a motherfucker and drains all the arousal out of my pussy in one fell swoop.

It’s such a disappointment, because I really thought I would love the Jollet. Many of my favorite reviewers have raved about theirs. Plus, it’s polka-dotted, and looks so damn cute with my Candy Bullet wedged into the hole in the base. But it just doesn’t work for me.

I’m going to aim to write a follow-up review in a few months, if only because I feel it’s unfair to the toy and its makers for me to write it off based on my current vaginal prowess (practice makes perfect, after all). But for now, I can only recommend this toy for people who already know they’re comfortable taking toys 1.75" and wider, especially firm ones. Small-pussied gals like me will likely come to view the Jollet as an implement of agony.

Thanks to Chavez Dezignz for the opportunity to try out this super-cute toy! You can buy their products on their website or their Etsy shop.

Review: Knotty Wood Arts dildos

Kate Sloan

Several weeks ago, I had the idea to ask various Etsy sellers if they’d like me to review some of their products. There are a lot of people making gorgeous sexual paraphernalia on Etsy – everything from leather floggers to glass butt plugs – and I love to support independent craftsters, so I thought it would be cool to do a series of reviews of handmade items here on Girly Juice.

Being mostly just normal people, rather than businessfolk, not all of the Etsians I contacted were totally professional. One insulted me for asking for “freebies.” One cut me down for writing a not-altogether-positive review of their product. One even made a feeble attempt at flirting with me. But the man behind Knotty Wood Arts was completely wonderful, helpful, and kind. Even if I didn’t like his toys, I’d still be singing his praises for the great customer service… but I love his toys, so I can sing their praises as well!

Knotty sent me three dildos to review. One was custom-made to my specifications – my first custom sex toy! – and it is perfect. I requested a ripply dildo, 1 ¼” wide and 6″ long (I have a pretty tiny vagina, so sometimes I wish all my dildos were this size). Drawings were exchanged, dimensions were discussed, and I felt absolutely cared for as a customer.

Naturally, the dildo that was designed specifically for me is definitely my favorite of the three, and indeed, now one of my favorite penetrative toys in my collection. It’s the perfect size for a warm-up dildo, helping me to transition seamlessly to a larger toy, if that’s what I want to do – but it feels so good that I quite often use it for my entire play session. The little balls stroke my G-spot easily and effectively. I love that I don’t have to be “in the mood for penetration” to use this toy, because it’s smaller than most of my dildos and never feels like a challenge.

One of the other toys Knotty sent me, the Turtle, is tiny and discreet, but is surprisingly good at hitting my G-spot. It has a grippy handle where my fingertips fit, allowing me to push up on it and apply more pressure to my spot. It’s a very clever design because it kind of looks like a wooden spoon, or at the very least, it doesn’t look like a dildo – so you could leave this out, or take it with you when you travel, and no one would suspect. The owner of Knotty says this is one of his most popular designs, and I can certainly see why.

I’m admittedly not in love with the third Knotty toy I received, a girthy double-ended dildo with a ridgy part on one end – but that’s probably because it’s made up of two things my vagina doesn’t really like: smooth thickness and little ridges. I know some texture queens and girth enthusiasts who’d probably be all over this one, though it’s not for me.

This has been my first experience using wooden toys, and I think I’ll be trying more of them in the future, because wood is a great material for dildos. It’s lightweight, so my wrist never gets tired from thrusting it, even when I’m going super quickly. Knotty dildos are all treated with several coats of a food-safe finish, which keeps the toys’ surface smooth and lube-compatible but also preserves the smell of the wood (which is heavenly, by the way – much more pleasant than steel or silicone). It’s easy to wash these dildos with soap and water or a quick spritz of some antibacterial toy cleaning spray. And best of all, wood is firm, so it makes my G-spot swoon.

Wood’s not perfect, though. These toys have some drag – not the kind that makes me fear for vaginal splinters, thank goodness – so I find I need an extra squirt of lube to get ‘em to slide smoothly and comfortably. However, that’s the kind of thing I only mind if the toy isn’t that great, and these wooden toys are great, so drag’s not a big deal.

As if it’s not awesome enough that all Knotty Wood Arts toys are hand-carved, coated in a body-safe finish, customizable, firm, and lightweight, they’re also affordable. If you’ve been lusting after a wooden toy by NobEssence, you’ve probably noticed that their toys are pretty pricey. I’m sure you’ll be surprised and delighted to know that most of Knotty’s toys are under $50. I can think of no better way to describe this than the following: YAY!

Thanks so much, Knotty Wood Arts, for giving me my first experience with wooden toys and making it such a good one! If you’d like him to make you a custom wooden dildo or anal toy, get in touch with your specifications!

Review: Maddie’s Dungeon paddle and flogger

Kate Sloan

I will admit, it is tricky for me, a fairly vanilla (though extremely sex-positive) person, to write a proper review on implements of kink. I’m very aware of the fact that my perspective is probably going to be different from that of the target audience of these products. But I will write this anyway, because Maddie’s Dungeon was nice enough to send me a couple of lovely handmade spanking tools, and I want to tell you about them.

Of the two items, the oak paddle is definitely my favorite. There’s nothing fancy about this paddle – it’s just a smoothly-cut piece of wood with an easy-to-hold handle and a removable wrist strap – but it serves as an excellent reminder of why simplicity is a good thing. It gets the job done.

I thought my first foray into being spanked with a paddle would be significantly more painful than just getting spanked with a hand, but the paddle doesn’t change the amount of pain – just the kind of pain. My boyfriend’s hand produces a thuddy, dull pound, whereas the oak paddle is much more sting-y. I like both sensations a lot, and they both transmit vibration into my pussy – yum.

My boyfriend had primarily two comments on his experience using the paddle: he wondered about the usefulness of the wrist strap (I’ve been using it to hang the paddle from my curtain rod for storage, but we haven’t found another use for it) and he liked that the paddle is wide enough that he can hit both my asscheeks at the same time.

The major flaw of this paddle is that the wood isn’t treated with varnish. Apparently it’s thinly coated in mineral oil, but this doesn’t do much in terms of smoothing it out. I’m slightly worried about splinters with this one – I think Maddie’s Dungeon could vastly improve their wooden goods by giving them a coating in wooden salad bowl finish, or something like NobEssence’s “Lubrosity.”

As for the leather flogger (I can’t find the exact same one in their shop, but this one is close enough) – I don’t like it as much. I guess that’s to be expected, given that I’ve barely stuck my toe into the ocean of kink… but it’s not just that. My boyfriend and I both feel that it’s not very sexy-looking, with its pale grey half-braided falls and its messily-wrapped handle.

The flogger does sting, though, as it should, and it’s easy to wield. I think we’ll mostly be sticking to the paddle, however, since it feels more intimate and the level of pain is easier to control – plus, I just think it looks cuter in my boyfriend’s hand.

Thanks very much to Maddie’s Dungeon for donating some of their beautiful wares for review! Check out their paddles, crops and floggers if you’re looking to explore your inner painslut.