This Book is Awesome: “How to Be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran

Within the span of about a month in 2014, three different people said to me, “You have to read Caitlin Moran’s book. You would love it.” All three recommendations came from people I trusted, people who don’t say “You would love it” unless I, specifically, would actually love what they’re talking about. So I filed away the name of the book, determined to get to it eventually.

Then, when I was in Montreal on vacation, an opportunity presented itself: my travel buddy wanted to spend a whole morning in a coffee shop chillin’ out, and I hadn’t brought a book, so we stopped in Indigo to load up on entertainment. My eyes fell on How to Be a Woman and I thought, Yes. That.

I knew this was a book about feminism, but I was not prepared for how funny it is. It is laugh-out-loud, snort-coffee-through-your-nose funny. My friend must have thought I was a weirdo because I laughed so often in that Montreal café that I started to draw concerned looks from the other tables. I couldn’t help it. Caitlin Moran is fucking hilarious.

Moran – a British music journalist – has a lot to say in this book about feminism, about girlhood, about life as a woman. Her main thesis, so far as I can tell, is that society makes womanhood out to be easy and automatic, when actually a lot of work goes into performing the role of woman “correctly.” Whether it’s getting your period for the first time, or figuring out how to walk in heels, or negotiating body image struggles, there’s basically no part of being a woman that is as effortless as it’s supposed to be. And it’s incredibly comforting to have that affirmed by such a smart, funny, clever woman, so articulately and emotively.

There’s a lot of sharp contrast in this book. I cried with laughter while reading Moran’s essay on deciding what slang term for “vagina” to use around her daughters (“cunt,” she thought, was maybe not super appropriate for a toddler), and then I just plain cried when reading about Moran’s horrific childbirth experience. Every inch of this book is equal parts relatable and instructive, equal parts funny and painful. That is so hard to do and I admire Caitlin so much for her candor, her ability to open up about these difficult topics and to do it in a way that’s so engaging and keeps me nodding along, like, “Yes! I know that feeling!”

A personal sore spot for me at the moment is my relationship with food, and how it relates to body image. My heart hurt with recognition when I read Caitlin’s chapter about fatness, fitness, and food, in which she posits that the reason so many women struggle with food addiction is that it’s a way of getting “high” without inconveniencing other people. It gives you a momentary rush and release, on the same spectrum as drugs or booze, but it doesn’t require anyone to drive you home, hold back your hair while you puke, or keep your intoxicated shouting under control – since women, above all, are taught not to inconvenience others. That was a freeing and eye-opening revelation for me, and certainly gave me some food for thought (if you’ll pardon the pun).

It’s pretty rare that I read a funny, silly book like this and actually want to read it again, not only to re-experience the laughs but also to re-absorb all the wisdom contained within. But How to Be a Woman, I can already tell, will be a bible of sorts for me as I continue growing into the woman I’m going to be. Caitlin Moran has seen and done it all, has made a great number of mistakes she wants other women to be able to sidestep, and so this book feels like a cross between a Tina Fey-esque funnyfest and a concerned letter from an older sister. It’s so, so wonderful, and I think you would love it.

Sharing the Sexy #30

• Everything you ever wanted to know about foot fetishes.

Dating tips for feminist men. There needs to be more resources like this!

• Here is a zine on learning good consent.

• This is also a really great consent resource, including sample scripts for consent-related conversations you might have with your partner(s).

Why does spanking feel so good? (When I saw this, it made me wonder if Lelo is thinking of releasing a paddle… Think it could rival this one?)

• The Red Tent Sisters weigh in on how to ease into using menstrual cups for the first time.

• Lilly drops some truth bombs about sex toys and body size.

Let’s Talk About Terminology: Women

I’ll keep this post short and sweet, because I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Female adult humans are called women.

Do not call us “girls.” Do not infantilize us. Do not make the mistake of believing someone is “overreacting” if they take issue with being called a child.

Especially do not call us “girls” if you choose to use the word “men” in the same sentence. Do not juxtapose those two things if you do not mean them literally. Talking about female adults? “Women” is the word you are looking for.

Sometimes I like to be snarky in my enforcement of this language rule, so I trawl sex forums looking for threads with titles like, “Do girls like giving blowjobs?” and “How do girls feel about pubic hair?” and I reply (momentarily setting aside the fact that those posts try to generalize all women), “I certainly hope you’re not having sex with girls.” Or, sometimes, “I don’t know about girls, but I know some women who like giving blowjobs.”

As with any challenge to the status quo of misogynist language, there is always pushback. People scream, “You know what I meant!” And yes, I do know what was meant. I also know what was achieved: infantilization of women and the continuation of a verbal system that supports it.

Check your language. Make sure it’s not laced with oppression and archaic assumptions, ‘cause that shit’s gross.

And for those of you who pointed out that the word “girl” is in my blog name… Yep, you got me! It’s being used in a different context there, and there is a difference between “girly” and “girlish,” but yeah, this shitty language convention is extremely widespread, sometimes to the point that even feminists might not notice it!

Sharing the Sexy #18

• Sex-positive feminist podcast The G Spot has just released its entire first season as a Valentine’s Day gift for you or someone you love.

How to have sex with a survivor. Important stuff.

• I think we can all agree that the new Fucking Sculptures line of glass dildos looks pretty damn excellent. I’m intrigued by the Corkscrew, and laughing at their choice of name for the Hooded Nun.

Porn in space?! Oh man, this should be good.

• A line of lingerie for trans woman has launched.

• Interesting… Apparently gay and bi men are less depressed than straight ones. (Also, please watch the Steve Hughes video at the top of that post – it’s a classic!)

He’s a dildo engineer and Reddit grilled him about his work. Incase you ever wondered. I know I did!

When will feminists stop being equated with bitches?! And did it ever occur to the writer of that piece that maybe the reason it can be hard for a feminist to get with a man is not that she’s a bitch, but that he’s an ignorant, privileged asshole?

• Here’s some important information about the U.S.’s new birth control policies.

• Um, apparently Cosmo thinks you should wear Spanx on dates to keep you from having sex too soon?

• Here’s an amusing urban legend about sexual ignorance.

• Dodson and Ross explain how to use your PC muscle during sex.

• Call a spade a spade? Epiphora says call a sex toy a sex toy. What do you think?

Sharing the Sexy #15

• Here’s a tirade in favor of menstrual sex. Can’t say I’m on board with the penis-shaming therein, but she makes some good points.

• While we’re on the topic… This slam poet loves him some period sex!

• Porn star Madison Young taught a hands-on female ejaculation workshop. I love this part: When a female audience member came up to her after class and explained that she’d never had an orgasm, Young responded, “Hold on, I’ve got an extra 10 minutes — get on up there!”

• S. Bear Bergman writes about teaching a two-year-old to respect consent.

• What can self-proclaimed “Nice Guys” teach us about “the very real problem of male sexual entitlement”?

• Interesting fetish of the week: sexualized tampon use. Edward Cullen, anyone?