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5 Great Additions to a Blowjob (+ #Giveaway: Win a Fun Factory BLOW & GLOW Kit!)

Kate Sloan

I used to think that to be good at giving blowjobs, I had to do everything with just my mouth. No hands. No toys. No positioning aids. Nothin’.

However, as I gave more and more blowjobs over the years, I learned that most BJ recipients are just happy you’re there at all – and that various “accessories” can make the act even more enjoyable for both/all participants. What a freeing notion!

Here are some of the add-ons that I think can make a great blowjob even greater. If you live in the USA, don’t forget to enter the giveaway at the bottom of this post for a chance to win some of these, in Fun Factory’s new BLOW & GLOW Kit!

 

1. A hair scrunchie

It made me laugh with delight that Fun Factory decided to include a custom scrunchie in their BLOW & GLOW Kit, because the first thing I always do when beginning a blowjob is break out the bobby pins or grab a hair elastic and get my hair out of my face. It’s very annoying to try to suck someone’s cock when your own hair keeps falling in your mouth, particularly when it works its way down to the back of your throat (if you know, you know). So it’s a blessing that a super-cute scrunchie is included in this kit. (Incidentally, did you know scrunchies cause less hair breakage than elastics? Hallelujah!)

 

2. A cock ring

While not strictly necessary, many people find that cock rings help them maintain stronger erections, and can also increase sensitivity and pleasure. I have never personally given a blowjob while a vibrating cock ring was in use, like the one included in the Fun Factory kit, but I imagine it’d be an interesting sensation for both participants!

As a bonus, if you decide to have penetrative sex afterward, the ring can vibrate your clit or perineum (depending on anatomy and positioning) for even more shared pleasure.

 

3. Lube

Despite the inherent wetness of many blowjobs, sometimes you want more, whether it be because you’re dealing with a dry mouth from medications/drugs, you’re trying to suck a bigger dick than you’re used to, or you just enjoy the aesthetic of making a big slobbery mess.

Flavored lube exists, but – as my friend Bex says – “It’s not gonna make your dick taste like strawberries – it’s gonna make it taste like strawberries and dick.” If you’re fine with the unaltered flavor of your partner’s junk, a tasteless (or nearly-tasteless) lubricant like Uberlube can make a big difference in sensation for both of you.

 

4. Pillows

I was sad when my chronic fibromyalgia pain started ramping up in my joints several years back – not only because pain is, well, painful, but also because I was worried it would inhibit my ability to give BJs. Typically while giving head, I’d be on my knees, supporting myself on one bent elbow while the other hand augmented the sensations my mouth was providing; that’s a lot of joint-bending and a lot of weight being applied to some of my sorest joints.

However, over the years I’ve learned that there are things I can do to address this. Most crucially: laying down pillows to support any body part that needs supporting. It can also sometimes be helpful to slide a pillow under the hips/pelvis of the person you’re blowing, so as to change the angles involved.

 

5. A vibrator

I’m so glad that more and more vibrators for penises are popping up on the market. The Fun Factory Manta, which is the star item in their BLOW & GLOW Kit, is one of my absolute favorites. It has ribbed silicone “wings” that wrap around the dick and provide some nice texture alongside deep, rumbling vibration. When well-lubed (with actual lube or just spit), it can be held at the base of the penis while you use your mouth on the shaft and head, which I’ve been told is pretty mindblowing.

Vibes are also useful for stimulating the balls during a BJ or holding against the sensitive perineum. Like a good hot sauce, you can pretty much put ’em on anything!

 

Intrigued by the Fun Factory BLOW & GLOW Kit and want to win one of your own, to facilitate better blowjobs? Good news: Fun Factory is offering a free kit to one lovely reader of mine. If you live in the USA, you can enter using the giveaway widget below to win. (Sorry, non-Americans!) Bonne chance, my oral-loving friends!

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This post was sponsored by Fun Factory. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Fun Factory Bouncer (+ a giveaway!)

Kate Sloan

The Fun Factory Bouncer is the type of toy that’s like catnip for seasoned sex toy reviewers like me, because… it actually does something markedly different than other toys in its category. And since the category in this case is “dildo,” that’s even more impressive. When overhauling a vibrator, you can tweak the material, motor strength and quality, motor location, control panel, and shape/size/design… but with dildos, your options for originality are much more limited.

So what did Fun Factory do? They took a fairly standard-looking silicone dildo and created 3 hollow spaces inside it, and in each of those spaces, they placed a weighted ball that rolls around as you move the toy – just like the kind you’d find if you cracked open a set of Kegel beads. Innnteresting!

The result is a dildo that looks unremarkable from the outside (albeit peppy and bright, as most Fun Factory designs do) but feels completely different in your hands – or your vagina or your ass – than any dildo you’ve ever felt before. Unlike Kegel balls, which tend to stay pretty stationary once inserted, a dildo is meant to be thrusted – so even if you’ve experienced this style of Kegel toy before, this dildo is likely to feel quite different. The weighted balls roll around in their little nooks with every thrust, creating a sensation that’s sort of like low-level motion-activated vibration. It also reminds me of that delicious feeling you get when a partner’s fucking you so hard that their balls slap against your vulva/butt/thighs – except in this case, that little extra “oomph” happens inside you instead. Neat!

The rumbling gets a bit muted when my vaginal muscles clamp down on the toy, and I have to admit I found this disappointing at first. The physics of it don’t even really make sense to me. But once I realized this was happening, it became almost like a fun sexual mindfulness game… If I noticed that the toy was feeling less impactful all of a sudden, it usually meant I was clenching my PC muscles, and could function as a nice reminder to relax, let go, and let the sensations wash over me instead of trying to eke out a speedy orgasm. (The late great masturbation expert Betty Dodson – rest in peace, you brilliant problematic fave – often recommended orgasming this way; she called it the “rock ‘n’ roll” method and insisted it produced bigger, better climaxes than most people’s go-to, the “tension” method. Something to think about!)

The Bouncer is well-designed for both solo play and partnered encounters, with its sturdy-but-squishy triangular base that you can grab between your fingers or gently punch with your fist (the internal balls roll around a lot more when you thrust hard and fast, so go wild!). There’s a strong suction cup on the bottom, though I think you’d barely reap the full benefits of the toy’s unique rumbles if you were bouncing up and down on this dildo while it was affixed to the floor or a wall. It can also easily be slipped into a harness for strap-on play, a notion that excited me and my partner from the jump.

While we both enjoyed the Bouncer a lot whether they were fucking me with it by hand or strapped into our RodeoH harness, my partner observed that in both situations, this dildo takes more energy, strength, and stamina to thrust for an entire session than a standard dildo would – at least, if you want to actually feel the signature rumbling it produces. Slower, more sensual thrusting tends to produce minimal – if any – ball-rolling inside the toy, so you really have to put some elbow grease into your thrusts if you want to experience the full range of sensations this toy has to offer. While this was perfectly doable in 10-to-20-minute bursts for my able-bodied partner, I think this might be a tricky toy for you to use to its full potential if you have chronic pain, muscle strength issues, fatigue, etc. This is the main reason I probably won’t reach for this toy very often during solo play, but will likely still hand to my partner once in a while for a thorough, resounding fuck.

It helps that the shape and size of this dildo are pretty perf for my body. It has 7″ of insertable length and a solid 1.57″ diameter – big enough to feel satisfyingly full but not so big as to require lots of warm-up. The gentle undulation of the shaft shape feels really good when thrusted in and out, swelling against my spots on every stroke. This dildo can target the G-spot and feels great that way, but that spot tends to crave a hard, fast pounding that’s difficult to achieve with a draggy silicone toy like this, even when it’s slathered in lots of lube – so I prefer to use it deeper, on my A-spot, where slower and more purposeful thrusts are appreciated. I do sometimes wish it were a little longer, particularly during strap-on play when it loses about an inch to the harness, but with careful angling, it can hit any spot inside me that a longer toy can.

I appreciate that Fun Factory knew this toy was already quirky AF inside and didn’t need to look quirky, too. They enclosed those show-stopping weighted balls inside a fairly basic, uncontroversial dildo that many people should be able to enjoy, which I think was the right call. As long as you can handle the size, this dildo will likely feel good-but-not-great in your vag or your butt (and yes, it is anal-safe!). Being mouth-fucked with it would also be an interesting sensation…

The Fun Factory Bouncer is a bit of a diva, in that it works best when you’re thrusting hard, relaxing your pelvic muscles, and maintaining rhythmic momentum – which is a lot to be aware of at once. But if you’re up for that amount of labor, by yourself or with a partner, I think this is a really fun and special toy that is truly unmatched on the current market. It has bounced, jiggled, rumbled, and rocked-‘n’-rolled its way right into my heart (and my vagina)!

 

Thanks to the good folks at SXY.co.uk for providing me with this toy and sponsoring this review! (As always, all writing and opinions are my own.) They have also offered up a Bouncer for one lucky reader in the UK or Ireland – here’s how to enter:

  1. Follow @sxy_uk on Instagram
  2. Follow me (@girly_juice) on Instagram
  3. Leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What would your dream dildo be like?” and tagging a friend

Please note that you must be 18+ and live in the UK or Ireland to win. I’ll pick a winner after one week. Good luck, babes!

10 Ways Vibrators Can Be Therapeutic (+ a Giveaway!)

Kate Sloan
Photo via Bellesa

It would be easy to think, comparing my work to that of my journalism-school colleagues now reporting on business and politics, that what I do is comparatively frivolous. Sex writing is, after all, largely about fun and pleasure – or at least, that’s how it’s often perceived from the outside. In reality, many people writing about sex today delve into hugely important sub-topics of that realm, like health justice, trauma, education policy, and gender inequality. Sex is no small thing, and it never has been.

That’s why today I wanted to highlight for you 10 ways that people use vibrators therapeutically. As with all medical suggestions you read online, you should run these by your doctor and/or therapist before trying them – and if you do, I hope you find them helpful!

Toning the pelvic floor

Pelvic muscle contractions, the likes of which are experienced during orgasm and high levels of arousal, strengthen the muscles they employ. These muscles’ fitness is responsible for longer and stronger orgasms, yes, but also for preventing pelvic health issues like urinary incontinence.

Healing from trauma

My friend Sarah Brynn Holliday has written about how sex toys can be instrumental in rediscovering pleasure after sexual trauma. A sex toy you know well is controllable in a way that human partners are not, so when you need or want to control your sexual experience to avoid triggering or re-traumatizing yourself as best as you can, sex toys can be helpful.

Alleviating menopause symptoms

For some people, menopause causes the onset of “vulvovaginal atrophy,” wherein decreased estrogen levels in vaginal tissue cause the vagina to become dry, irritated, and sore. The vaginal walls may become thinner, leading to painful sex, especially sans lube. Gynecology professor Dr. Mary Jane Minkin told the Huffington Post in 2013 that vibrators stimulate increased pelvic blood flow, potentially alleviating these symptoms. Some of the menopausal women in my life have also found it psychologically helpful to masturbate more as they age, since our culture tends to harmfully frame older women as unsexual and unsexy (boooo!).

Managing depression

This is a big one for me. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes administering an orgasm through the use of a vibrator can kickstart the production of some happy neurotransmitters and thereby lift my mood. This is especially helpful given that, in the throes of a depressive episode, I often find my own genitals unsettling to touch – so it’s a godsend to be able to hold a vibrator against my pajama pants and get off without grossing myself out or upsetting myself further.

Massaging muscles

We all know about this one – especially since the famous Magic Wand Original (née Hitachi Magic Wand) was developed for sore muscles. This way of using vibrators has become particularly important to me since I developed chronic pain, and I’m so glad it’s an available option.

Increasing desire

There seems to be a “horniness begets horniness” effect at work in many people’s sex lives. It’s what sex researcher Emily Nagoski refers to as “responsive desire,” which she affirms is a normal way of experiencing your sexual appetite, despite the medical community’s historical insistence on misdiagnosing this as “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” or straight-up “frigidity.” In any case, if your sex drive is lower than you would like it to be, regular usage of vibrators is recommended by some doctors to boost your libido. Worth a shot!

Pleasure after injury

Several studies, for example, have noted vibrators’ ability to provoke sexual response even in people who have sustained spinal cord injuries that otherwise inhibit their sensitivity and functioning. This seems to be discussed most often in the context of obtaining semen from disabled men so they can father children, rather than in the context of pleasure or satisfaction, but its implications are encouraging nonetheless.

Combating vaginismus

Vaginismus is a vaginal pain condition in which involuntary pelvic muscle spasms make penetrative sex extremely painful or outright impossible. Vaginal dilators of steadily increasing size are one oft-recommended intervention for vaginismus, and these pair well with vibrators, both because vibration helps muscles relax and because pleasure can gradually overwrite the patient’s mental associations between sex and pain.

Mending relationships

Granted, a vibrator alone is not going to solve your relationship problems – interpersonal connections have too many complex layers for “quick fixes” to do any good. But if, for example, one partner has trouble relaxing into pleasurable sex due to stress in their life, or someone’s inability to orgasm has become a point of friction in the relationship, or your sexual connection has simply grown stale and rote, the addition of a vibrator could help. There will be other mental/psychological/interpersonal work to do, too, but you’ve gotta start somewhere. (Just please don’t buy a vibrator out of the blue for a partner who has never expressed any interest in owning one. This is coercive, presumptuous, and weird!)

Post-breakup self-care

For me, the saddest part of a breakup is always the idea that not only have I lost the love/companionship/pleasure I achieved with my ex, but also that I might never find those things again with anyone else. This is obviously bullshit, but it’s a very persuasive idea to a grieving brain. Vibrators have always helped me at this time: I know that even if my latest paramour has fucked off, I can still make myself come, and that’s powerful. It’s sometimes the first step toward rediscovering my own strength, resilience, and potential.

If, after reading all that, you’re thinking, “I’ve gotta get me a vibrator,” you’re in luck – the fine folks at Bellesa are offering up a Nirvana wand vibrator for one lucky reader in North America! Bellesa focuses on making sex toys for women, but of course, anyone of any gender and body type can use a vibrator, especially one as versatile as the Nirvana. It’s a rechargeable, waterproof, silicone wand vibe, and you can use it on any external erogenous zone that enjoys vibration. Yay!

Here’s how to enter: 1) follow @BellesaCo on Instagram, 2) follow me (@Girly_Juice) on Instagram, and 3) leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What’s one way you think vibrators can be therapeutic?” and tagging a friend. The giveaway will run for a week, and then I’ll pick a random winner. Please note that you must be over 18 and must live in North America to win. Good luck!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

In Praise of the Humble Wand Vibe (+ Win a Lelo Smart Wand!)

Kate Sloan

Wand vibrators, though iconic, are not exactly glamorous. They’re more utilitarian than sensual; more like an open fire hydrant than a bucolic meadow mist. As queen of the sex toy reviewers Epiphora put it, “I don’t feel very sexy using a wand… I’m getting the job done. I have the ideal tool for the job, and orgasm is GOING TO HAPPEN. I see it more as an instigator of orgasm than a sensual sort of experience.”

This is partly because the best-known wand vibes are made for muscle massage, or at least purport to be. I’m sure that this sterile, clinical aesthetic is important to lots of these wands’ users, rather than a detraction: I know I love wands when I’m depressed, for example, when the thought of touching my genitals or actually being “sexy” in any way can feel gross, overly intimate. I’m also drawn to them for medical-play scenes; a doctor wielding a vibrating purple dong just doesn’t stoke the imagination like that same doctor calmly pressing a smooth blue-and-white wand against my bits.

Then there’s the contingent of people who find wands too distractingly huge – or, worse, too intimidatingly pleasurable – to incorporate into sex. While no one is obliged to participate in any sex act they’re not into, denying your partner their truest pleasure because it mildly inconveniences you is kind of a dick move.

All of these problems, however, are alleviated when you choose a wand vibe that’s sleeker, more ergonomic, and more compact than the best-known contenders. That’s the niche Lelo was trying to fill when they created the Smart Wand Large. (There’s also a medium-sized version, but it’s not as powerful/rumbly, and, well, you know me: if it’s not a jackhammer then what’s the point?) With its smooth silicone, curved handle, and elegant aesthetic, this wand is a worthy option for people who kinda turn up their nose at the sight of a clunky Hitachi, but still want their vibrations deep and powerful.

Now that your interest is piqued, I’ll fire up your imagination even more: here are some of my all-time favorite things to do with wand vibes…

  • Vibrations with a side of fingerbanging. Being fingerfucked is one of my favorite things in the world, but I only get off from it if I’m getting adequate clit stimulation at the same time. Usually I provide this myself, with fingers or a toy, but lately my partner and I have developed enough trust that I let him hold a vibe against me with one hand while the fingers of his other hand are stroking my insides. We find that wands are the best tool for this job, because – unlike something smaller and more finicky – they can be held pretty much anywhere on my vulva and feel pretty damn good.
  • Forced orgasm. Take the previous point to the next level by adding a dash of bondage, a spoonful of D/s, and perhaps a sprinkle of sensory deprivation. Some wands are so powerful, they can make you feel like you’re hurtling uncontrolled toward orgasm, making them perfect for this type of kink scene.
  • Casual vibin’. I love letting a wand vibe meander aimlessly all over my vulva while I watch porn, read erotica, fantasize, or just listen to my partner spin sexy stories for me over the phone. I can keep my wand on a low setting for a while, revving me up physically while some other stimulus revs me up mentally. As someone who takes a while to get turned on and get off, I appreciate the broad, diffused feeling a wand can provide, for its usefulness in the early stages of arousal.

And now, an exciting treat: Lelo is offering a Smart Wand Large (perhaps the prettiest wand vibe I’ve ever seen?) to one lucky reader. This giveaway is only open to entrants in the United States. It will run for 2 weeks.

Even if you don’t win, you can use the code GIRLY15 to get 15% off your order at Lelo.com until February 10th. Yay!

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Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. In light of Lelo’s history, I’ve donated 40% of the fee I received for this post to the Interval House, a Toronto-based shelter for survivors of domestic violence.

Confession: STI Testing Makes Me Anxious

Kate Sloan

It’s practically sex educators’ catchphrase: get tested!

I have indeed gotten tested, many times. I have requested panels from my GP, and sought out specialized clinics. I have kept on top of my sexual health all the years I’ve been sexually active (with the exception of the first few, when I didn’t know better). I’ve gotten tested between partners, and any time I think I may have put myself at risk.

But I would be lying if I said it was easy. Getting tested has felt hard every single time.

The thing about having an anxiety disorder is that sometimes you can’t tell the difference between real problems and imagined ones. Sometimes encountering a real problem once makes you fear that same problem coming up every time you run into that situation thereafter. Sometimes you manage to convince yourself the problem isn’t worth fearing, and then it comes up again, “proving” you were right to be scared.

That’s exactly what’s happened to me with STI testing: it’s become a locus of worry, because while testing me, doctors have erased my bisexuality, called me overzealous for getting tested more than once a year, and shamed me for being polyamorous and promiscuous (two separate identities that don’t necessarily overlap!). These things have only happened to me a few times but they’ve nonetheless made me dread getting tested.

I know I’m not alone in my medical anxieties. When I reported on an at-home HPV testing kit for Glamour in 2017, I spoke to people who’ve been unwilling or unable to get tested due to concerns around doctors’ and clinics’ slut-shaming, fat-shaming, and ableism, just to name a few. I have it easier than most, being a usually-able-bodied, white, cisgender, middle-class person living in a country that has publicly funded healthcare – and it’s still hard for me to go. That makes me worry for all the people less privileged than me who avoid getting tested for fear of how they might be treated – to say nothing of other barriers, like location and cost.

I thought about this a lot when STDCheck.com reached out to me wanting to sponsor a post and a giveaway. Crucially, you can order tests on their website and then just take a provided requisition form to the testing center of theirs that is closest to you. This presumably eliminates most or all of the “So why did you come in today?” conversation that is (for me, at least) the most intimidating part of the process. Their services are confidential, fast, and available in over 4,500 testing centers across the United States.

The internet is a huge blessing for me as an anxious person, letting me do things like scope out the layout of an unfamiliar café before I go there for the first time, or make restaurant reservations through a form so I don’t have to call and talk to a human. It might seem like these accommodations are impossible or unlikely in the medical field, but that doesn’t have to be the case, and I’m glad!

 

Here’s some exciting news: STDCheck.com is offering one reader of my site a $50 gift card you can use toward their services! You can enter below. The giveaway is only open to entrants who live in the United States, and it will run for one week. Best of luck, babes!

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Note: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.