glasses

Behind the Seams: Colorful Cutie

Kate Sloan

Truth be told, I am getting pretty bored of the clothes that I have with me here in New York. It’s hard to dress yourself out of just a suitcase when you’re a fancy femme with broad tastes!! I’ll be sad when I have to leave next month to go back home and get vaccinated, but at least I’ll be reunited with the vast majority of my wardrobe.

This outfit was yet another fun attempt to re-style some of the basics I have with me into a fresh ‘n’ new ensemble. (Only a certain type of person would consider a hot pink sweater and metallic pink cowboy boots to be “basics,” and I am that type of person…)

I love pink and blue so much. I could truly wear this color combo every day for the rest of my life and be happy.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black Coach Willis bag – gift from my love

My old leather jacket was falling apart disastrously from a decade+ of wear, so Matt bought me this new one as a findom present a while ago. It was on sale at Danier and is pretty much the exact same cut as my last jacket, which was also by Danier. God, I am such a Taurus.

I wore this outfit on the first day it was warm enough in New York this year to get away with wearing just a leather jacket instead of a winter coat (or at least the first of such days when I actually went out, something I’m not doing much of!). Despite having been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder FIFTEEN YEARS AGO – baby’s first mental illness diagnosis, wheee! – I still sometimes forget just how much sunlight or lack thereof can affect my emotional wellbeing and mental functioning.

Gloomy grey days make me sleepy and sad; sunnier days can change my whole outlook. When people ask “What’s your favorite season?” in conversation, I can’t really ever divorce my mental health from any other factors that might affect my answer to this question. Spring has always been my favorite season, because it’s the time of year when I traditionally start feeling functional again after a long, hard winter of apathy and melancholy. Shout-out to my fellow seasonally depressed babes who are feeling similarly these days!

What I’m wearing:
• Red floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leather jacket – Danier (it’s the Winslet style)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” – a Valentine’s Day gift from my love

I was having a bad chronic pain day on the day that I interviewed the Bearded Scotsman on the Dildorks, so I had to balance my body’s need for comfort with my need to look somewhat cute while chatting with a total babe on Zoom. What resulted is this outfit, which felt comfy enough to theoretically sleep in (except for the underwire) but still made me feel like a brunette Marilyn Monroe in a boudoir shoot.

I mentioned this Calvin Klein modal nightgown in my recent post on chronic illness-friendly clothing, when I had just ordered it. It’s a slightly more burgundy-leaning red IRL than I had imagined, but I still like it very much. It may not be the most “flattering” garment, whatever the hell that means, but it’s blissfully comfortable, which makes me feel happier in my body and thus more attractive. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:
• Red modal V-neck nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-covered lingerie – Agent Provocateur, a Valentine’s Day gift from my love
• Mismatched striped socks, because I was on Zoom so who cares!
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”

I started envisioning this outfit as soon as the romper and heart necklace were on their way to me, each ordered from different retailers. That used to happen to me a lot more when I was younger and far more invested in clothes/fashion/style than I am now, so it was nice to feel that sensation again, of outfit inspiration striking, in the same way that I can be suddenly inspired to write a blog post or a poem or a song.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love MeUndies rompers dearly – they are divinely comfy, have a flattering cut, and come equipped with pockets. I had some store credit there and wanted to buy another romper, and while they have many fun prints I could’ve gone with, ultimately I opted for this timeless black and white gingham. I like that it equally looks like something an Instagram influencer would wear today or something Jane Russell or Betty Grable would have worn in a movie in 1953. There are truly endless ways to style something like this – yet another reason I’m looking forward to having access to my full wardrobe again!

What I’m wearing:
• Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• White and red heart-print socks – the Gap (I ordered a whole bunch of new socks after a few weeks in New York to avoid having to do laundry constantly)
• Red heart-shaped glasses – Zenni (these are still some of my fave glasses I’ve ever owned; I will probably order another pair if they ever break or if my prescription needs to be updated, tbh!)
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino, a recent findom present from my love
• “Should’ve” worn red lipstick with this ensemble, but couldn’t be arsed, and that’s okay!

 

What outfits or clothing items of yours have made you happy lately?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

It definitely feels weird to be doing my traditional year-end blog post series when it’s been such an utter shitshow of a year. I gotta admit, several times this year I considered just scrapping it, because the perceived frivolity of things like lipsticks, dildos, and sexy slowjams is enough sometimes to make ’em feel like futile topics to write about.

But here’s the thing: they’re not. I know that because, during the entire coronavirus debacle, between Zoom calls and doomscrolling sessions, we’ve turned to those supposedly “frivolous” things to give us comfort and joy, in an era where comfort and joy have been scarce. I’ve heard from countless readers this year telling me that my recommendations of movies, music, makeup, and sex toys have helped them in some way, so I figure I’ll write my yearly wrap-up as usual, though the year itself was not usual at all. We can use all the comfort and continuity we can get right now.

So, today I’m kicking off 12 Days of Girly Juice, with – as always – 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my heart this year.

 

Shorter hair

I didn’t get to write about this last year because it actually happened a couple weeks after my post, so here it is: I’ve had short(er) hair for nearly a year and I love it! After a decade+ of having hair that ranged from mid-chest-length to hip-length, I cut mine to chin-length.

My bedhead is much more chaotic now than it was before, and I have fewer options available to me in terms of hairstyling, but overall I adore this length and probably won’t grow it out for a long while. It makes me feel much more “queer-looking” and much less invisible, and it’s fun to scrunch. Yay!

 

Blue satin Louboutins

It felt like fate when, late last year, while combing online vintage shops for something appropriate to wear to Tara‘s un-wedding, I stumbled across a pair of Louboutin Greissimo pumps in my favorite color and my exact size. My jaw dropped. They were too expensive for the likes of me, but were nonetheless on sale and very reasonably priced for Loubs, so my generous partner bought them for me as my “congrats on finishing your book!” present. I wore them to the un-wedding, needing to take sit-down breaks occasionally during the 4-5 hours we spent hobnobbing and drinking and flirting. They made me feel powerful and high-femme in all the best ways.

I’ve only worn them a handful of times since then, mostly at home for impromptu dress-up days and Zoom parties during quarantine, because they’re far too unwieldy and delicate for most outdoor adventures. But they’ve been displayed on my desk all year, and every time I look at them, I’m reminded that beautiful things can do wonders for my mood.

 

Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick

When my partner Matt and I exchanged anniversary gifts late last year, I opened one of mine and started laughing hysterically. It was this lipstick – and, as Matt discovered when they opened their next present, I had bought them the exact same one, in the exact same shade! We’d discussed our fondness for the luxe Tom Ford lipstick aesthetic at some point, but had never come to a conclusion about which color we preferred, so this was particularly unexpected.

Cherry Lush was probably my most-worn lipstick this year (possibly tied with Sugarpill’s Girl Crush, which I wrote about last year), because it’s absolutely gorgeous. A pink-leaning red that lives up to its name, it seems to work with just about any outfit and any makeup look. Plus it makes me and Matt so happy to wear matching lipstick when we go on dates!

 

Fabric face masks

No fashion accessory (if one can even call it that) defined 2020 so much as the face mask. It became a political battleground, an ethical statement, and a medical must-have. It also became one of the most noticeable fashion choices many of us would make each time we’d go out. You could’ve gone all 2020 without anyone outside your household seeing your choice of lipstick, or the pattern on your socks – but your rotation of masks was, very likely, a crucial part of your aesthetic for most of the year, whether you liked it or not.

I got most of mine from Etsy, including many from shops that are no longer in operation, probably because they got inundated with too many orders to handle. One of my favorite masks of the year was a white sequinned one from AvaReignCreations, which I bought to wear to my (outdoor, socially distanced) wedding. It felt like a nice bridge between the femme fanciness I’d been missing and chasing all year, and the grim reality of our current world. (Would love to hear about your favorite mask-makers in the comments if you’ve got recs, especially for smaller faces!)

 

My engagement and wedding rings

I mean, obviously! These are literally some of the most beautiful items I have ever owned, in any category. I’m so happy I get to wear them every day.

Matt wrote an extensive essay for me about the process of shopping for, and buying, my engagement ring. Unlike some brides, I didn’t really want to be involved in choosing the ring, beyond providing a few specifications – like that I wanted the stone to be aquamarine, and I didn’t want yellow gold. They looked at over 350 aquamarine rings both online and in person, and eventually decided the final selection had to be platinum, with a round stone surrounded by ethically-sourced diamonds. They ended up landing on a Tiffany & Co. sparkler that made me literally gasp when I first saw it.

I got to choose my own wedding ring, and after some deliberation, we decided to go back to Tiffany’s. I tried on several, and the one I ended up settling on is a platinum band with a diamond-studded, V-shaped indentation made to fit perfectly against my engagement ring. I am obsessed!

 

Agent Provocateur lingerie

Experimenting with financial domination was a really fun part of my sex/kink life this year. Matt bought me a couple different sets of luxury lingerie – one hot pink, one royal blue – each as part of a findom scene.

I feel immediately foxy whenever I wear any of these pieces. The bras create legendarily good cleavage – I even wore one of them under my wedding dress, because it makes me feel so beautiful and hot. The craftsmanship on AP stuff is truly wonderful!

 

J. Crew cashmere sweaters

A lot of J. Crew’s catalogue consists of perfect classics, and their “long-sleeve everyday cashmere crewneck sweater” is no exception. However, not all of the colors it comes in could strictly be considered “classic”!

At my behest as part of a financial domination scene (I’m sensing a theme…), Matt bought me one in “lustrous blue,” and later bought me another one in “neon fuchsia.” Words cannot describe how vividly-hued these sweaters are; in fact, even photos cannot truly capture the brightness. They are what Gala Darling would call “eye-gouging.” They are also supremely warm, divinely comfy, and ultra-versatile. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them all winter, and hopefully for several more winters to come.

 

Vintage silk floral-print robe

I fell immediately in love with this pink rose-print 100% silk robe/kimono when I saw it on the Etsy shop FlyGirlOutlet. I had been thinking a lot about cultivating glamour during quarantine – a difficult thing to do, to say the least – and had come to the conclusion that an elegant silk dressing gown would help enormously with that.

I wore this robe around the house a lot all year, and also, most memorably, over the aforementioned AP lingerie for a surreptitious stairwell photoshoot!

 

Coach Rambler bag

I bought a few different bags this year, but one of my faves has to be the Coach Rambler crossbody in a beautiful pinky-purple shade called “hibiscus.” I love this bag’s simple, 1960s-inspired silhouette, comfortably wide strap, and surprisingly roomy interior.

It’s certainly not an ideal bag for a maximalist, but during COVID I’ve mostly just been carrying around my wallet, phone, and maybe a book when I go out (as opposed to pre-pandemic when it mattered enormously to me that my handbags be able to fit a laptop or at least an iPad), so the Rambler has served me well this year!

 

Red heart-shaped glasses

Few things transform your appearance as swiftly as a new pair of glasses. When I saw that Zenni makes a red heart-shaped pair, I just couldn’t resist pursuing my dreams of looking like a grown-up, glamorous Lolita.

These specs get compliments everywhere I go, and make every outfit look a little quirkier and kookier. I adore them!

 

Sparkly black Ugg boots

Midway through this year I bought a pair of black sequinned Ugg boots, after suppressing the urge to buy Uggs for probably a decade. I only wear them indoors (which, apparently, is a must), and they keep my chilly feet incredibly cozy 24/7.

I think the moral of the story here is: fuck the fashion police. (And also the regular police, but I don’t think they care as much about Uggs.) If there’s an item of clothing you love – or think you would love – that would make your favorite fashion blogger or magazine editor shudder, who gives a fuck? They’re not the ones who are gonna be wearing it. You know yourself best – and your style is your choice.

 

False eyelashes

Yep, still enamored. With the bottom half of my face being out of view for so much of this year due to masks, I turned to bold eye looks… and lashes remain one of my go-to glamorizers on glum days.

I use Lilly Lashes glue, although most beauty experts swear by Duo, which I also own but haven’t tried yet. Sugarpill’s Saint lashes are the ones I wore on my wedding day – I love that they’re a mix of black and dark brown, because it makes them look (somewhat) more natural. These Sephora “Flirty” ones are also gorgeous. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at cute people forever!

 

What fashion and beauty items helped get you through the year?

Monthly Faves: Rainbow Hearts & Bigger Love

Kate Sloan

Hope you’re having an okay day even though everything is difficult and chaotic right now! Here are some of my fave things from June…

Media

• The new Netflix documentary Disclosure is a brilliantly-produced history of transgender representation in film. With interviews from trans media luminaries woven together between clips of the relevant films and scenes (some good and affirming, some horrifically othering), it tells the story of how we got to where we are now in terms of trans media rep – which, let’s face it, is still often pretty damn bad. I really appreciated the perspectives of the trans people interviewed for this doc and I hope there are way more three-dimensional trans and non-binary characters in movies from here on out.

• This month I got to preview the forthcoming debut novel of a writer named Mateo Askaripour; you can preorder it here. It’s a Wolf of Wall Street-esque satirical story about the only Black salesman at an absurd startup business. The writing is hilarious, the pacing is quick, and the characters are wonderfully memorable – would recommend.

• This month my partner and I felt like watching some queer movies (happy Pride!) so we searched some popular LGBTQ+ film lists on Letterboxd, and ended up going with a Korean film called (in English) The Handmaiden. It’s a wild ride: there’s a Japanese heiress, a charismatic con man, ancient erotica novels, a mental hospital, some drag, and a lot of great queer sex. I love when a thriller manages to actually surprise me with its twists like this one did.

• The new John Legend album, Bigger Love, is yet another triumph from one of the finest R&B songwriters of our time. Some parts of it reminded me of his early days when his music was much more stripped down (seeing him play/sing solo piano tunes in 2008 was a highlight of my concert-going career). His voice just gets better and better over the years somehow.

• Greg from How to Drink is really delivering quality content lately. His videos on “vacation juice” from Animal Crossing and “cactus juice” from Avatar: the Last Airbender were so imaginative, informative, and fun.

• I can’t stop playing and replaying the Pokémon games (main series only – I’m a purist!). This month I replayed Moon and Shield and they are still some of the best in the series (I think my all-time faves might be X and AlphaSapphire though). Who’s on your dream Pokémon team? I still think the Galarian variant of Rapidash is one of the most beautiful characters ever created in this series.

• I’ve talked to you about my love for barbershop quartets before, but this month I got a bit fixated on the Newfangled Four’s medley of “Hello My Baby” in various different musical genres. The joke they make about “my heart’s on fire” makes me laugh every. single. time, and Jake Tickner’s vocals on the swing-inspired and Elvis-inspired renditions are dreamy.

Products

• I don’t have a ton of new shopping to report this month (there are better places for my money to end up, especially right now!) but if you are looking to purchase a Coach bag, you gotta check out bran_bran1984’s wonderfully thorough reviews of them on YouTube. Sometimes you just gotta see a bag in action before you can add it to your cart in good conscience, y’know?

• One thing I did buy was an 100% silk vintage Victoria’s Secret robe in a beautiful pink rose print from FlyGirlOutlet. If I have to lounge around at home constantly, I might as well do it in glamorous loungewear.

• I’d never owned a pair of prescription sunglasses before, but when I saw that Zenni is donating proceeds from their (very affordable) rainbow eyewear to the It Gets Better project, I decided it was time. My new rainbow cat-eye sunglasses are so dramatic and glam. I also got a pair of rainbow Wayfarer-style regular glasses for good measure.

• One of my mom’s Christmas gifts for me last year was a body pillow, and it came in very handy this month as I’ve been dealing with pinched nerves in my elbows (ow) on top of my regular chronic pain and need to keep my arms as straight as I can for as much time as possible while they heal. Folks with chronic pain, if you’ve never tried a body pillow, I highly recommend it – they can take pressure off your achy parts in surprisingly relieving ways!

• My current home-decor obsession is Command hooks. They’re the best solution for renters who want to hang stuff on their walls. Currently I have some allocated for impact-play toys, some for purses, and some for my various fabric face masks, so I can quickly grab one when I’m on my way out the door. My room is tiny so any extra storage space is helpful!

Work & Appearances

• My good friend Dick Wound invited me onto his podcast Being There to discuss life as a sex journalist. The week before, he had my partner Matt on to tell the story of how we met and how we decided to “come out” as a couple. Aww, romantic.

• Dick’s cohost on his other podcast Off the Cuffs, Minimus Maximus, also cohosts a show called WKIF (We Know It’s Fake) where him and former wrestling commentator Craig Johnson watch footage of an old wrestling event with someone who’s not ordinarily a fan of the sport and then talk about it. They had me on to discuss an episode of LPWA (the Ladies’ Professional Wrestling Association) from the early ’90s, and it was a blast.

• Remember when I reviewed the Clone-a-Willy? Xtra asked me to write about the experience in more detail and provide some tips for those embarking on this process. I still think this product is the perfect gift for your quarantine sweetie!

• This month on the Dildorks, we interviewed Andre Shakti about her new online strip club, chatted with Gwen Adora about running an online sex work business, and had some interesting discussions about sex while stressed and celebrating Pride in quarantine.

• In my newsletter this month, I highlighted books by authors of color that you should read, pondered the notion of “being in trouble” in the context of my trauma, put together cute pretend outfits I would wear to 5 places I wish I could go, and discussed the importance of knowing a sexual partner’s tastes through the lens of sex scenes in movies I’ve seen recently.

Good Causes

• Critical Resistance is working to abolish the prison industrial complex, an institution which, as our current political moment is really driving home, is pretty fucked up. Straight-up donations are great, but if you’d like to receive something for your cash, they have some truly cute merch that shows off your passion for the abolitionist movement. I already gave once but now I’m eyeing that comfy-looking grey “Building People Power” sweatshirt…

• The Okra Project hires Black trans chefs to cook good wholesome meals for other Black trans people. I love the practicality of this; as anyone who’s ever gone through grief or profound depression can tell you, sometimes it’s the “simplest” and most practical things, like making a meal or doing the dishes, that are hardest to do and that can be the most appreciated when someone else steps up to do them for you. This organization is also running a COVID-19 aid fund for Black trans folks and has just started some new programs for supporting that community’s mental health as well.

• The Black Coalition for AIDS Prevention is based here in my hometown of Toronto and is Canada’s largest Black-specific HIV/AIDS service organization (amazing!). They work to reduce HIV’s spread in Toronto’s Black communities and improve quality of life for Black folks living with HIV/AIDS.

• There continues to be a lot of bullshit transphobia in the world, so a donation to the National Center for Transgender Equality is always a good idea. They’re working on changing policies to increase the general population’s understanding and acceptance of trans people. Some of their current projects include the Trans Legal Services Network and a racial and economic justice initiative.

• The Internet Archive is seeking new donors so it can stay online. This resource is invaluable, especially now in an era when disingenuous politicians and terrifying alt-right trolls are constantly trying to deny and erase the truth in favor of their own absurd narratives. Preserving internet history is a way of preserving the truth, among other things.