Hot Octopuss

Review: Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen

Kate Sloan

I haven’t loved a new sex toy this much in a long time.

A long, LONG time.

Here’s how much I love this toy: I’ve barely used my Eroscillator since I got it. The Eroscillator is my all-time favorite sex toy, and is the vibe I normally use during at least 80% of my sex and masturbation sessions, because it gives me incredible orgasms unlike I’ve ever had with another toy.

Until the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.

 

One of Hot Octopuss’s classic penis vibes. Image via the company.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen? + some nerdy shit about sex toy history

Amongst sex toy geeks like myself, Hot Octopuss is primarily known for its penis vibrators, like the Pulse Solo Essential and the Pulse III Duo. These wrap around the penis and stimulate the frenulum. There are two main reasons these are notable: their motors are very fucking good (rumbly, strong, a range of settings), and they can be used whether your dick is hard or soft. This last point makes them more accessible than most penis toys for people with erectile dysfunction, and even for people with spinal cord injuries.

Hot Octopuss’s Pulse line uses a proprietary technology called PulsePlate, which offers “powerful, high-amplitude oscillations” rather than traditional vibration. Apparently the founder decided to develop this technology upon reading a study about penile vibration being used to elicit ejaculation in men with a spinal cord injury. The researchers found that “high-amplitude” vibrators were the most effective for triggering ejaculation, but the vibrator they used was a medical tool designed specifically for this purpose. Hot Octopuss decided to make a consumer product that could do the same thing.

“High-amplitude” means that the vibrator moves a wider distance on each rotation, rather than just buzzing in place – so basically, the sensation is more “rumbly” than a standard vibrator, and feels like it goes deeper than surface-level.

Naturally, since the penis and the clitoris are analogous to one another, it makes total sense that these oscillations would feel good on vulvas as well as dicks. That said, when Hot Octopuss initially launched a PulsePlate toy for vulvas – the Queen Bee, which I reviewed back in 2017 – it didn’t go well. The toy was too broad and flat to feel impactful on my clit, it weakened significantly when any amount of pressure was applied to it, and was egregiously loud. Other reviewers, like my friends Epiphora and Lilly, had similar grievances.

But the team at Hot Octopuss seems to have gone back to the drawing board after that, and what they came up with is so much better. I asked the company for clarification on the differences; according to them, here are some of the qualities the Pulse Queen ($99 at SheVibe) has, that the Queen Bee did not:

  • The PulsePlate is made of silicone this time (which is body-safe and non-porous), instead of TPE (which is porous)
  • The PulsePlate now has a 4 mm “peak” instead of just being flat, making it better at targeting the clitoris
  • The toy is smaller, lighter, and more ergonomic
  • The design/aesthetic has been updated
  • It’s quieter

One quibble, before we move on to my experience with this toy: Hot Octopuss is marketing the Pulse Queen as a wand, and it’s not really a wand. Wand vibes have a specific shape, functionality, and history as a category. The Pulse Queen is powerful like wands tend to be, sure, but it actually reminds me more of another classic vibe shape that dates back many years like the wand does. I think it’s more like a Wahl – some people say this type of vibe is gun-shaped, some say it’s hairdryer-shaped, but either way, it has a lineage in the vibrator space that you can trace back for decades, and I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Things I love about the Pulse Queen

PulsePlate technology (& killer orgasms): Okay, I won’t bury the lede any more than I already have. This thing makes me come so hard, so reliably, and so satisfyingly. Do you know how rare it is that I can say that about a toy I review? VERY RARE.

It’s all about that PulsePlate. The oscillations really do feel like they get deeper into my body than standard vibrations do. My whole clitoral network feels involved in the arousal and orgasms this toy gives me, from the surface-level parts of my clit to the deeply buried internal parts. I have the type of orgasms with this toy where I can still feel my entire clit pulsing and pleasantly aching for like 20-30 minutes afterward. Usually I only have that kind of orgasm when I use my beloved Eroscillator or an especially rumbly wand.

These oscillations also don’t numb me out like traditional vibrators do, or at least only minimally. This makes it easier for me to have multiple orgasms, since my sensitivity is preserved throughout the session/day. I’m not normally a very multiorgasmic gal, since it can take a lot of work/time for me to get off, but it’s noticeably easier with the Pulse Queen than with standard vibes.

I actually think the Pulse Queen is making me hornier, in that way that sometimes happens with new partners or especially great new sex toys. The way it rumbles my internal clit seems to make me more sensitive and more prone to random arousal during the day. Wild.

Range of intensities & modes: The Pulse Queen has 7 modes (steady oscillation + 6 patterns), each of which has 9 speeds. That’s a lot of variety and versatility.

The patterns are fine. I dunno. They’re patterns. I’m just not that into patterns. But there’s some rhythmic pulsing and some more erratic modes if you want ’em. Personally I just keep the toy on its steady mode.

The first speed is a gentle rumble that’s fantastic for building arousal early on. From there, it moves up in reasonable increments, topping out at a truly impressive, wand-like intensity. At its highest, I would say it’s comparable to the second speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable (on which I only ever use the first and second speeds). I don’t tend to go past the 6th speed out of 9 on the Pulse Queen, because it’s so rumbly that I just don’t need more power than that.

Pictured with my Switch

Ergonomics & ease of use: I find the Pulse Queen really easy to hold and use, compared to the Queen Bee and many other high-powered vibes. It’s got a slightly curved handle for comfort, and the oscillations don’t conduct into the handle too much. The buttons are easy to locate and press, and I almost never press the wrong one by accident. My hand and wrist don’t get tired when using the Pulse Queen, even if I’m moving it around my vulva a lot during a session. All of these qualities are hard to find in vibes this powerful, so as a vibrator connoisseur with chronic pain and hand strength issues, I’m a big fan of this toy.

Aesthetics: I squealed aloud at my computer when I received the initial press release about the Pulse Queen, because it’s so damn pretty. The turquoise color is one of my absolute favorites – hence having a Nintendo Switch Lite and a duvet cover that are the same color, among other things! – and I love the color-coordinated ombré button panel. It’s all really thoughtfully designed, and it looks gorgeous on my nightstand (or, more often, in my bed, at the ready!).

It’s fully fucking waterproof!!: It’s extremely rare for a vibrator this strong to also be waterproof. I love to jerk off in the bath when I get a chance, but I only have one wand I really love that’s waterproof (the Lelo Smart Wand 2), so usually I end up using smaller toys in the tub instead, like the We-Vibe Tango X. So, needless to say, I’m thrilled that the Pulse Queen is waterproof, and I’m sure it’ll be my bathtime companion on many future occasions.

 

Things I don’t love about the Pulse Queen

Battery life: The product page on the Hot Octopuss website says that the Pulse Queen “lasts for 40 minutes when fully charged – more than enough time for you to enjoy yourself again and again… and again.” It’s a bit strange to brag about a vibrator’s 40-minute battery life, when most rechargeable vibes at this price point will last for 90 minutes or more. I also personally couldn’t reach three orgasms in under 40 minutes as they describe, but hey, that’s me. I will say, however, that I think I’ve used my Pulse Queen for longer than 40 minutes in total without it dying – so maybe that number is based on usage at the highest speed; who knows.

Noise level: While the Pulse Queen definitely isn’t as loud as the Queen Bee was, it’s still loud, especially on the highest speeds. But I would say it’s comparable to the noise output of a standard wand. I live with a sex-positive roommate and (as mentioned) I also tend to use my Pulse Queen at the lower speeds for the most part, so this isn’t a huge issue for me personally, but it’s notable nonetheless.

Cissexism: I know the industry makes it difficult for sex toy companies to market their products successfully without resorting to cissexist terms like “for men” and “for women,” when anatomy-specific terms like “clitoral vibrator” or “penis vibrator” would be more appropriate. That being said, a note on the Hot Octopuss website says, “We are trans-aware and LGBTQ+ friendly. We are always learning,” and there’s even a whole “Sex Toys for Every Body” page on the site meant to help LGBTQ+ customers feel more included and heard. Given their stated commitment to gender-inclusivity, it’s confusing that Hot Octopuss chose to include the gendered term “queen” in the name of another toy when they didn’t have to. It may alienate some trans and nonbinary users who might otherwise enjoy the toy.

 

Final thoughts

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen has made me feel excited about masturbation again, in a way I haven’t for a while. The orgasms it gives me are intense, deeply pleasurable, and satisfying, and yet somehow they make me want more.

It remains fascinating to me that the technology used in this toy (and some other Hot Octopuss toys) was developed based on actual medical research. The company refers to its vibrators’ 33-hertz rate as “the pleasure frequency,” and I’m no vibration scientist, but my clit agrees.

At $99, this is a reasonably priced alternative to a wand. You should consider the Pulse Queen if any of the following things are true:

  • You like a lot of power, but have found wands numbing or overstimulating in the past
  • Issues with strength, mobility, or pain have made standard wands difficult for you to use
  • You’ve tried vibrators before, and are curious about what other sensations your body can experience
  • You’ve never used a vibrator before; the Pulse Queen’s oscillations range from mellow to maxed-out, so it’s a good introduction to vibes

I really love this toy, in a way that has made me remember why I started writing about sex toys in the first place. It makes me smile. It makes me moan. It makes me feel fired up for a future where everyone can access pleasure if they want to, regardless of their gender, anatomy, or (dis)ability level.

But most of all, it makes me come really, really hard – and given the relative scarcity of pleasure in our chaotic world right now, I appreciate that more than ever.

 

You can get the Pulse Queen at SheVibe for $99.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me this product! They didn’t pay me to review it. I really do just love it.

Review: Hot Octopuss Amo

Kate Sloan

I always find it amusing when a sex toy company makes both a product I hate and a product I love. Why does the Dame Kip satisfy my clit while the Dame Eva buzzily tumbles from my labia in laughably short order? Why does the We-Vibe Tango make me swoon while the We-Vibe Wish distracts me to the point of rage? Why does the Fun Factory Stronic Eins give me deep, throbbing orgasms while the Fun Factory LayaSpot just makes me sigh and give up?

Well, the answer is that not every sex toy works well for every body – and that’s a good thing. It means there’s enough variety within the sex toy industry to accommodate almost anyone, at least pleasure-wise.

I bring this up because today’s blog post is about a Hot Octopuss toy. Hot Octopuss previously made the Queen Bee, a vibrator that ticks several of my “I hate this” boxes: it creates far too much noise and far too little sensation, and it has a frustratingly and unnecessarily cissexist name. But Hot Octopuss shouldn’t be written off entirely, because they’ve also made several top-notch toys, like my partner’s beloved penis vibe, the Pulse, and the toy I’m reviewing today, the Amo.

The Amo is a really fucking good vibrator. Hot Octopuss is known primarily for the rumbly motors in their penile toys, and they seem to have brought that technology into the clitoral sphere. The Amo visibly and tangibly rumbles from the moment you turn it on. This is not at all a wimpy vibrator like so many on the market.

It’s also a really pretty toy. I like the black-with-red-ombré aesthetic, and the top-heavy shape sets this vibe apart from standard bullets, albeit while preventing it from being useable in, say, the bullet-vibe hole at the base of some dildos. The shape allows for a lot of different types of sensation: you can position the squishy, pointed tip on your clit if you like focused stimulation, or use various other spots on the toy’s shaft for broader and/or firmer touch.

The aforementioned squishiness is worth keeping in mind if you’re used to using hard plastic bullet vibes like the We-Vibe Tango or ScreamingO Charged Vooom. Silicone – the material that the main body of the Amo is made of – has more give to it than plastic, and also muffles vibrations slightly. The Amo’s motor is strong enough to make up for it, but if you like full-strength, focused vibrations that are almost sharp in quality, hard plastic will still probably be your best bet.

The Amo has 5 steady speeds and 5 patterns. This should be plenty for most users, although I have found myself wishing on a couple of occasions that there was just one or two extra speeds on the top end.

For me, the controls of this toy are a little awkward. One small button on one side of the shaft turns the vibe on and off, while two equally small buttons on the other side control the vibration intensity. None of the buttons are placed where my fingers naturally want to rest while holding this toy, so there’s always a bit of reaching and readjusting involved. However, if you’re someone who tends to accidentally bump buttons while using a vibe, disrupting your own pleasure, you might find this layout functions better for you.

I wish the USB-rechargeable Amo’s battery life was better – you get up to 40 minutes of use for every charge, and charging takes 2-3 hours. However, given that its best-known competitor, the Tango, has a notoriously shitty battery that has necessitated me replacing mine once every couple of years, I don’t mind needing to charge a toy more often in the short-term if it will last me longer in the long-term. (This, however, remains to be seen, as I’ve only owned my Amo for a couple of months.)

Overall, the Hot Octopuss Amo is what all too many clitoral vibrators wish they were. It’s strong, rumbly, quiet, elegant, portable, waterproof, and relatively inexpensive – just $49, versus $79–99 for toys of similar type and quality. I’m still married to my bedside bestie the Eroscillator, but the Amo has definitely entered my rotation of favored small vibes for travel and overnights. Congrats to Hot Octopuss for making something that’s not only better than their abysmal Queen Bee, but actually genuinely excellent.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me this toy to review!

Monthly Faves: Corona Coping with Comedy & Coach

Kate Sloan

Hope you’re holding up okay, loves. Here are some things that made my May more bearable…

Media

• First and foremost, I must direct you to watch all 3 episodes of Middleditch & Schwartz, a Netflix original miniseries of live longform improv shows. These two boys are some of the most skilled improvisors I’ve ever seen, and I say that as someone who used to improvise competitively and has been an improv fangirl/groupie her entire life! These specials gave me some much-needed laughs this month.

• Speaking of laughs, I also really enjoyed Bobby Knauff’s debut stand-up album Rock Bottom. I once saw Bobby perform comedy naked at the Oasis Aqualounge and have understandably liked him ever since!

• Have y’all seen These Thems?! It’s an adorable webseries about a bunch of queerdos flirting and fucking and learning about themselves. I think a lot of you would like it.

• I’ll probably write about this in more detail at some point – it’s still very fresh and I’m still processing it – but I recently took Clementine Morrigan’s online Trauma-Informed Polyamory workshop and it contains honestly potentially life-saving information for trauma survivors trying to do poly. If you struggle with “jealousy” in polyamory that manifests moreso as massive nervous-system distress, and you’ve endured traumas and/or attachment injuries, you really need this class.

• I’m slowly working my way through an advance copy of Emily Willingham’s forthcoming book Phallacy, a seemingly exhaustive and hugely amusing history of the evolution of the penis in humans and other animals. If you like dicks, to a nerdy and/or fetishistic degree, you’d probably dig this.

• Mae Martin’s 2017 stand-up special is full of laughs and truth-bombs about family, queerness, gender, unchillness, and summer camp.

Products

• Hot Octopuss sent me their new-ish bullet vibe, the Amo, and it’s… very fucking good. Powerful and rumbly, easy-to-understand controls scheme, and only $49!! I’ll write a full review eventually…

• Wearing makeup can be a major boon for my mood, but what with all the mask-wearing we’re doing these days, no one can ever see my lipstick (and it ends up getting all over my masks anyway!) so I bought some new eyeshadows from MAC. Hoping they’ll put a little femme spring in my step, despite the circumstances.

• I found a vintage black leather Coach Willis bag from the early oughts on eBay and it is stunning. Looking forward to the day I get to pack it full of books for a solo jaunt to a cocktail bar in a post-pandemic world.

• My partner and I are still making/drinking fancy cocktails on the regular. My current fave ingredients include sherries (fino and amontillado are both so yummy in different ways) and homemade ginger syrup. So many possibilities!

• I bought a pair of black leather flats on deep discount from J. Crew and they are sooo comfy and cute. I seem to go through at least one pair of black flats every summer; hopefully these ones will hold up for a while!

• My current handbag obsession is this silver Coach Poppy pushlock satchel. I don’t own one yet, because, well, as we discussed recently, there isn’t much need for handbags in the age of coronavirus. But I sure do like to stare at this one. Wish I could carry it to a black-tie gala right about now.

• For the first time in my life, I got fucked with a cucumber this month. Um… do you want a blog post about that experience?!

Work & Appearances

• I was so excited when local queer publication Xtra asked me to write them some pieces for Masturbation Month, because I always love working with them. Check out my recs for the best partner-play toys and the best masturbation toys for folks with chronic pain.

• My latest column for Herizons magazine was about a major media pet peeve of mine: when people verbify the MeToo movement to say that particular high-profile rapists have “been MeToo’d” when someone comes forward to allege their wrongdoing, as if it’s the perpetrator’s life who’s been ruined and not the victim’s. Yuck.

• The good folks at LoveLustSecrets asked me to write a series of short erotica stories for them, and I decided to have it center around a plucky redheaded sex shop saleswoman named Ava. Some of my favorite instalments: a welcome-back blowjob, a Clone-a-Willy fuck, some fisting flirtation, and an alleyway wank.

• We had some great guests on the Dildorks this month: first, the author and theologian Tara Isabella Burton came to chat with us about how ethics and religion intersect with kink and non-monogamy, and then we had polyamory experts Kevin Patterson and Dr. Liz Powell on to discuss solutions to common polyam problems during the pandemic. We also addressed a bunch of listener questions about masturbation.

• I wrote some good newsletters this month about 5 kinks I wish I had, happiness during a crisis, my obsession du jour with barbershop quartets, and autofellatio.

Good Causes

• Police violence against Black folks, along with their disproportionate and unfair imprisonment rates, continue to be a rampant problem. The Minnesota Freedom Fund‘s mission is to “pay criminal bail and immigration bond for those who cannot afford to as we seek to end discriminatory, coercive, and oppressive jailing.” A similar organization in New York is the Brooklyn Community Bail Fund.

• Help support street medics’ vitally important work by donating to the North Star Health Collective.

• The family of Regis Korchinski-Paquet is raising funds toward seeking justice for her death (which some are reporting was another incidence of racist police violence, right here in Toronto).

• Food Banks Canada could really use your help getting more food into the hands of those who need it.

• Queer porn legend and superstar stripper Andre Shakti is raising money for protection and housing in the wake of a domestic abuse situation.

Review: Hot Octopuss Queen Bee

Kate Sloan

Imagine you met a guy at a party and, after a few minutes of cordial conversation, he kept loudly insisting on his brilliance as a cunnilinguist. “I have a supremely talented mouth. I can get anyone off,” he would sneer, with just enough enthusiasm that maybe you’d believe him a little bit, especially if it was late and you were a bit intoxicated and perhaps it had been a good while since anyone had even attempted to get you off.

Imagine, then, that you took him back to your place, removed your clothes, and set him loose on your junk so he could prove his claim. And he then proceeded to blow raspberries all over your vulva – making a loud and ridiculous noise, barely even grazing your clit, and certainly not getting you off. Imagine how you would laugh, as he continued to smile up at you in that unwarranted cocky manner.

This is more-or-less how I feel about the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee. It makes a whole lot of claims it cannot support. And, to add insult to injury, it makes a noise the likes of which cannot be ignored.

The Queen Bee is a new clitoral stimulator roughly the shape and size of a hairbrush. It uses “PulsePlate technology,” whereby the one of the flat sides of the “hairbrush” pounds in and out quickly, creating oscillation rather than vibration. “Although oscillators are commonplace in the medical world, Hot Octopuss is the first to bring this technology to the sex toy market,” the company’s website brags, though this flat-out isn’t true; the Eroscillator has been doing the oscillation thing, and much more effectively, for many years.

Oscillation’s claim to fame is that it supposedly produces deeper, stronger orgasms than vibration, and doesn’t tend to cause desensitization the way vibrations sometimes can. These claims, in my experience, are true of the Eroscillator – the orgasms I have with it are legitimately like nothing else I’ve felt – but with the Queen Bee, not so much. Its PulsePlate is too broad for me, kissing my entire vulva rather than zeroing in on my clit – and while I sometimes enjoy this broadness with, say, a wand vibrator, it doesn’t work so well on an oscillating toy. I have to focus hard to even detect that my clit is being stimulated. I would imagine this would be doubly true for folks with smaller clits and/or fleshier labia than mine.

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that the Queen Bee’s oscillation significantly slows and weakens as soon as any pressure is applied to the toy. I’m used to this with my Eroscillator: I tend to press it against my body early in a session and then ease up as I continue, allowing it to oscillate more intensely when I’m ready for that. But the oscillations in the Queen Bee are dampened to an almost laughable degree when the toy encounters any pressure. Unless you like holding your sex toys so they only graze your junk with the most feather-light touch, you probably won’t get much out of the Queen Bee.

On top of all that, this toy makes an egregious, unforgivable amount of noise. It’s so loud, I hesitate to use it past 9PM lest I wake my neighbors. It’s so loud, I can’t bring myself to use it when my roommate is home, even if she’s across the apartment listening to Beyoncé at full blast. It’s so loud, I have to turn the volume on my porn way up while I’m masturbating with it, or else wear noise-canceling headphones. It’s so loud, I can’t imagine using it with a partner without both of us dissolving into intractable giggles. It’s so loud, turning it on for even a few seconds makes me feel embarrassed to exist.

Are you getting the picture yet? The Queen Bee is very fucking loud. And it’s not an inoffensive, vague whirring either. It’s a rhythmic, mechanical pounding that seems to scream, “I am using a VIBRATOR!!!” I am reminded of a prank my dad once pulled at his office where he emailed a surreptitiously-named MP3 to some colleagues which, when they opened it, shouted through their speakers, “Hey, everybody; I’m watching PORNO in here!!” The Queen Bee rivals that for its embarrassment-to-amusement ratio.

I have more complaints about the Queen Bee. The buttons that are difficult to locate and press in a hurry. The unnecessarily gendered name and marketing. The claim that the non-pulsating side of the toy is in fact a feature, ideal for “gentle warm-up massage,” rather than the equivalent of holding the handle of a wand vibe against your clit for shits and giggles. But really, my main sources of beef with this toy are its false claims of originality, its tendency to give up the ghost under pressure, and that godawful, inexcusable noise.

If I wanted to eke an orgasm out of something that neither lived up to its ostentatious claims nor complied with noise bylaws, I’d just fuck that guy from the party whose loud and ineffectual cunnilingus was his proudest achievement.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Queen Bee to try! Should you want to buy a Queen Bee, you can find it at Peepshow and SheVibe.