Lelo

The Best and Worst Toys of 2013

Kate Sloan

It’s that time, folks! Here are my favorite and least favorite toys I reviewed this year (some of which actually launched this year, some of which didn’t)…

Best G-spot dildo: Without a doubt, the Jopen Key Comet Wand. This silicone/glass hybrid launched early in the year and knocked the socks off most sex toy reviewers who tried it, myself included. It produces shockingly intense G-spot sensations and looks gorgeous all the while. (Available at Sex Toys Canada and Early to Bed.)

Best glass dildo: The SSA Glass Royal Adventure. Glass toys can be hit-or-miss, because a shitty design can make for a very uncomfortable or even painful toy – but the Royal Adventure suffers from none of these issues. Its corkscrew-like texture massages my vaginal walls and its slightly bulging head feels lovely on my G-spot. (Sadly no longer available; these are similar: Icicles no. 5, Mr. Swirly, Pink Swirled Delight.)

Best realistic dildo: The VixSkin Maverick. I finally got around to trying this one after worrying for months about whether or not my vagina would be able to accommodate it, and I surprised myself with my vaginal proficiency! The Maverick is an ultra-satisfying monster of a dildo, with a G-spot-pleasing mega-sized coronal ridge. It wears well in a harness, too! (Available at Lovehoney.)

Best vibrator: The Lelo Mona 2. I haven’t reviewed this one yet, but it was, without a doubt, the best vibrator of the year. Strong, rumbly, rechargeable, waterproof, quiet, versatile, elegant, and ergonomic. If you can only afford one vibrator, get this one. (Available at SheVibe, Sex Toys Canada, and Lovehoney.)

Best sex toy innovation: The Fun Factory Stronic Eins. There are no other toys on the market that pulsate like the Stronic line, though I’m sure there will be by this time next year, given the success of these toys. The Stronic Eins is the ultimate in lazy masturbation and is a dream come true for folks who fantasize about PIV sex. And it comes in an obnoxiously bright pink hue. (Available at Sex Toys Canada, Early to Bed and Lovehoney.)

Best kink implement: The Tantus silicone paddles. My favorite is the Wham Bam but you’ll get a rollicking good time out of any one of them. (Available at Tantus, Peepshow and Lovehoney.)

Worst dildo: Indubitably the Joyful Pleasures Joyful Plant. I requested it knowing I wouldn’t like it, and naturally, I didn’t. I mean, it’s shaped like a tiny eggplant. At least now I have a cool story to tell when people ask me about the weirdest toy I’ve ever reviewed. (No longer available)

Worst vibrator: It was a bad year for vibrators. Very few high-end (i.e. body-safe and rechargeable or electric) vibes launched, and those that did were mostly shitty. But the ones I hated most out of all the vibes I reviewed this year were the Leaf Spirit and Fun Factory LayaSpot. They were too weak to get me off, and I didn’t like their color schemes much either. (Leaf Spirit available at Sex Toys Canada. Fun Factory LayaSpot available at Sex Toys Canada and Lovehoney.)

Worst butt toy: The Something Forbidden plug. Literally one of the worst toys I have ever reviewed, in terms of safety and design. My butt still fears it. (Available at SheVibe and Lovehoney.)

Worst sex toy innovation: Another one I haven’t reviewed yet – the Lelo Ida. You’ll have to wait for my full review to come out, but for now, just know that I literally screamed in pain the first time I used it. (Available at SheVibe.)

Worst kink implement: The Sportsheets Doggie-Style Strap. I’m sure it would be useful for some folks, but my boyfriend and I got no benefit out of it whatsoever. I might try to work it into a future outfit as a pink cummerbund. (Available at SheVibe.)

Aaaand that’s a wrap! I’m going to take a little blogging break until the new year, methinks – and then I’ll be back with more sex toy reviews and sexual musings in 2014!

What were your favorite (and least favorite) toys of the year? What do you hope to see next year?

Sharing the Sexy #28

Kate Sloan

• Here’s a wonderful piece on Sophia Wallace’s Cliteracy project.

• Apparently they cast the lead actors for the Fifty Shades film adaptation. I am confused about why they chose that dude to play Christian, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt til I see the movie!

• High school can suck for queer kids. Keep yo’ head up!

• We-Vibe won the legal battle, so Lelo can’t sell the Tiani in the US and Canada anymore! I’m glad I already have one, I guess…

• How to ask a trans* person about hormones and surgery without being a dick about it.

• An eloquent response to that shitty girl-shaming mom-blogger post that’s been circling the interwebs this week.

Review: Lelo Gigi 2

Kate Sloan

Lelo really cares about making excellent products. Some companies churn out crappy toy after crappy toy, seeking only to pad their bottom line and not to make anyone really happy in the pants – but others, like Lelo, give a shit. They want to contribute something meaningful to the sex toy industry.

That’s why Lelo has been gradually producing updated versions of their best-selling toys for a while now. Usually their updates make only two big changes – more power, and waterproof – but those two changes make all the difference, and can take a toy from “okay” to “excellent.”

The Gigi 2 is a great example of this. I tried the original Gigi and didn’t like it much; my review complained, “Gigi feels weak and buzzy… If you’re looking for power, this toy will disappoint you.”

If you need a primer on the difference between buzzy and rumbly when it comes to vibrators, I welcome you to read Epiphora’s thoughts on it. To sum up: buzzy vibes feel surface-level and can lead to fast numbness, while rumbly vibes shake the entire internal clitoris and therefore lead to stronger, deeper orgasms for many folks – myself included.

This is important info to understand when you’re talking about the Gigi and its update, because the difference between the two – at least as far as my clit can tell – is more about vibration quality than vibration strength. Pressed against my hand or held up to my ear, I can barely tell the difference between them – but one gives me orgasms, and the other doesn’t.

Gigi 2 is the same as its predecessor in terms of shape and size. Gigi is one of Lelo’s all-time best-selling toys so it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to mess with a functional formula. My new Gigi has a white ring around the button panel that was grey on the old one, and it doesn’t have a little piece of silicone covering the charging port like the old one did, because Gigi 2 is waterproof. Other than that, they look identical (though I did choose a different color for my Gigi 2, to avoid confusion!).

It continues to make me feel weird that there is no silicone covering over the charging port. I know the toy is waterproof – I have even taken my Gigi 2 into the bath and had orgasms there without issue – but it is still strange to see water traveling into a hole on my expensive sex toy. Doesn’t mess with my overall enjoyment of the toy, really; just weirds me out. I might prefer a little slit that you pierce with the charger when the toy needs some juice, like what’s on Leaf toys.

The other issue with taking Gigi in the bath is that the smooth plastic handle gets very slippery when wet. Whether it’s water, bodily fluids, or lube, this can be a problem. You might want to keep a towel or washcloth handy. Or Lelo might want to think about making their handles grippier.

A problem I have with many Lelo toys, which seems (but maybe isn’t actually) more prominent on the Gigi 2, is the way you have to press the buttons to get them to work. Apparently in attempt to fix reviewers’ past complaints about pressing buttons by accident while maneuvering the toy, newer Lelo vibes’ buttons need a good, solid press before they’ll respond. When I push a button for a shorter length of time – say, half a second instead of the full second – the control panel still lights up momentarily like it usually does, but the setting doesn’t change. I have to press it again, properly. And while I’m sure there are people who appreciate this feature, I mostly just get annoyed by it. When I change my vibrator’s settings, I’m often on the brink of orgasm, needing just a little more power – and a failed button-press can mess that up for me.

Other than that issue, I really enjoy Gigi 2 as a clit vibe. The handle is comfortable to hold, my clit loves the flat, broad-but-not-too-broad head of the toy, and it has enough power to get me off.

Sometimes I get up to the highest setting and wish there was just one or two more beyond that – just a little more power. But the vibrations are fairly rumbly (at least, rumblier than older Lelo toys) so I will eventually have an orgasm if I keep at it. I won’t just go numb and have to stop.

As a G-spot toy, Gigi doesn’t do much for me and never has. It’s too short to reach my G-spot without me having to awkwardly grasp it by the very end of the handle. It’s also just not strong enough to please my G-spot, which feels very buried in my vaginal wall and so needs a lot of vibration. Something like the Fun Factory Patchy Paul, with its insanely strong and low-pitched motor. Gigi just feels like gentle buzzing inside my vagina, and it doesn’t even really find the right spot most of the time.

Someone wanting better G-spot stimulation in a Lelo toy should look at the Mona 2. I find Mona’s shape and size – especially its length – waaaay superior to the Gigi when trying to locate my G-spot.

That said, I do hope Lelo eventually comes out with a super-curved G-spot toy – something like the Jopen Comet II, but with that classic Lelo elegance. I think they could knock it out of the park.

I’m overall pretty pleased with my Gigi 2. It’s become one of my go-to clit vibes, even though that’s not what it’s designed for. It’s versatile, and small enough to slip into a purse or maybe a pocket. But if you want real G-spot stimulation, spend a little more and get the Mona; it’ll do a better job.

Thanks so much to the wonderful people at Lelo for sending me this toy to try out!

Ask Girly Juice: Implements of Kink!

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: Do you have any recommendations for whips/cuffs/other kinky stuff?

I know you sent me this question a while ago, dear anon, and I’ve been mulling it over. After seeing Tristan Taormino’s new film about kink for couples (review coming soon!), I feel newly inspired to answer this question.

The first place you should look is Tantus’ sensation section. While known more for their dildos than their sensation-play toys, Tantus recently came out with a line of paddles that deserve your attention.

I have the Wham Bam and it is divine. It flops around a little bit, but not too much, and it delivers a hell of a thwack. If you want something smaller and more concentrated, I’d recommend the Pelt. Best of all, each Tantus paddle is made out of 100% body-safe silicone, so it can be boiled to sterilize, meaning you can share it between multiple partners without fear or risk.

If you want something less intense (and less pricey), a bamboo paddle could be pretty good, though I think that’s more for beginners than the Tantus ones.

I only have one pair of nipple clamps, these Spartacus ones, and they are very painful. I am too much of a wimp to even fully affix them to my nipples, in fact. But if you have tougher nipples than mine and/or are experienced with clamps, you might enjoy ‘em.

Lelo makes a beautiful Sensua flogger with a substantial, grippy handle and a suede business end. It’s small, so it’s probably best for beginner masochists (or for tucking into your purse in case you suddenly crave a good whipping while out in public somewhere!). If you want a whip that’s longer and more functional, Pipedream makes one that doubles as a glass dildo. Amazing.

For cuffs, I generally recommend leather ones because I find they’re the most comfortable (and the sexiest!). There are some nice ones by Allure. Also check out anything and everything by Aslan Leather – some of their products are even vegan (faux leather)!

If you want to restrain someone without spending a lot, it’s hard to go wrong with bondage tape.

A Wartenburg wheel is a cool way to ease into pain play if it’s something you haven’t tried much before. My friend used one of these things on my arm today and I just thought it felt prickly and strange, but I know lots of folks are into ’em. They have a kind of a medical fetish vibe.

Finally, if you’re looking for a ball gag, I gotta recommend Tantus again. Many ball gags are made of rubber, the smell and taste of which I find disgusting; I can only imagine this effect would be compounded if I was being gagged by a big rubber ball. For that reason, I think silicone ball gags are the way to go. Tantus has a non-representational gag in a few different colors, or you can get a gag shaped like the head of a penis.

This isn’t advanced kinkster stuff, for the most part, but I think it’s a pretty good starter kit for anyone who wants to explore BDSM! (Don’t get the Fifty Shades collection, please, for heaven’s sake.)

Got a question you want me to answer on my blog? Get in touch!

Review: Lelo Bridal Pleasure Set

Kate Sloan

I am certainly not the prime candidate for owning a Lelo Bridal Pleasure Set, being unmarried and having no plans whatsoever on changing that in the foreseeable future. But some part of me still wanted one, because let’s face it – Lelo is one of the titans of the sex toy industry, and this set is gorgeous as hell.

Heads up: this won’t be a standard sex toy review. Normally I wouldn’t put too much stock into how a product looks and how the company has presented and packaged it, but seeing as the Bridal Pleasure Set is intended to be a wedding gift, that stuff matters. You’ve been warned!

This set contains three items for newlyweds to use together: a blindfold, a “teaser ring,” and the Noa couples’ vibrator. I’ll talk about each item one by one.

First, the blindfold. When I first unpacked my Bridal Pleasure Set, this was the product that impressed me most, because it’s beautiful: it boasts pure silk ties, a softly cushioned eye area, and suede with pearl detailing.

Unfortunately, when I actually tried it, I was not nearly as impressed. This is one of those products that makes me wonder if the company actually tested it on real live humans before releasing it. The silk ties are so slippery that they are almost impossible to tie in an appropriately tight bow – I had to enlist my boyfriend to help me, and even then, it was difficult. Once the blindfold is on, it’s apt to slip off during your sex session, again because of those damn silky ties.

It also doesn’t do a great job of blocking out light in the nose area (though I have a large-ish schnoz, so your mileage may vary). I will say, however, that it is a hell of a lot more comfortable than the Intima blindfold that came with my Adore Me set.

Next up: the teaser ring. I didn’t know what to make of this thing when I saw pictures of it online. “Is it supposed to go on the penis?” I wondered. I still wasn’t sure when I received the set, but then I consulted Lelo’s illustrated “lovers’ guide” (included in the box) and saw that it is meant to be worn on the finger.

The “ring” part of the teaser ring has wire inside it, so it can be bent to fit practically any finger, regardless of size. Once it’s on, the “teaser” part (a group of long suede strings, sort of like what you’d see on a flogger) can be used to stroke and tickle your partner’s body.

Combined with the blindfold, this is actually mildly pleasant. And to the teaser ring’s credit, it can double as a small flogger if your partner has enough wrist strength to use it that way (a friend of mine did just that, when we made the drunken decision to test out my various spanking implements on one another one night). However, I feel it might’ve been a better use of space to include a more conventional sensory-play toy – like maybe a feather tickler, or even something more extreme like a pair of handcuffs. I know they were hoping to evoke matrimonial imagery with this “ring,” but it’s just not that exciting.

The main event of the set is Noa, a couples’ vibe. The Noa is a slightly reimagined and updated version of the Tiani, which I previously tried and wasn’t that thrilled with. Here’s a rundown of the key differences: Noa’s vaginal arm is wider and flatter, making it more comfortable and less pokey for both partners; Noa is stronger and rumblier than the original Tiani (though apparently still a hair weaker than the Tiani 2); Noa comes with a USB charging cable instead of a standard plug-into-the-wall charger; and Noa doesn’t come with a SenseMotion remote (which also means that it’s cheaper).

If you happen to have a SenseMotion remote from another Lelo toy, you can connect it to the Noa wirelessly and it will work. If you don’t, though, you can still control the toy’s functions by just pressing the button on the toy itself.

I really, really like the Noa’s vibrations. As I mentioned, they feel stronger and deeper than those of my Tiani, and I also think they’re stronger (or at least less numbing) than those of the other couples’ vibes I’ve tried, the FixSation and We-Vibe 3. The Noa is the only vibe of its kind that has actually been able to get me off, as I gleefully tweeted right after it first happened. I didn’t have to use my hands at all; I just slipped the vaginal arm inside me and my boyfriend started fucking me in missionary position with his pelvis putting some rhythmic pressure on mine to help the clitoral arm do its job. I haven’t made use of any of Noa’s various pulsating and rollercoaster-ing patterns during sex, but it does have some good ones.

My boyfriend reports that he, too, prefers the Noa to the We-Vibe; Noa’s vibrations actually felt good for him, rather than distracting or annoying. He also likes that the bottom of Noa’s vaginal arm is slightly indented to make room for his penis; this vibe is definitely the most comfortable couples’ vibe we’ve tried, for both of us.

As you might expect, the presentation of the Bridal Pleasure Set is impeccable. It comes in a lovely ivory box with a magnetic closure. When you first open it up, all the “ugly” items (e.g. the charging wire and warranty card) are tucked away, so all you see is the beautiful white pleasure objects. Included is a soft silky storage bag which fits the Noa; you could probably stuff the other two items in there if you didn’t mind crumpling them a bit.

One thing that worries me a little about this set is that it doesn’t come with an instruction booklet. The “lovers’ guide” just consists of a few images of a couple using the toys in various ways, accompanied by poetic text about love and marriage. Maybe I’m not giving beginners enough credit, but I feel that if someone was receiving their first vibrator ever as a wedding present, they’d probably want some information on how it works. But if you’re gifting this set to a couple with some vibrator experience, it may not be an issue.

The main problem with this set is that it costs $200. That’s pretty standard fare for a wedding gift, but I don’t know if the included items are worth that much. The Noa is great, but the other two pieces are mostly ineffectual and not that interesting. Silk and suede aren’t cheap, I know, but if you’re going to pay this much for a set, I still feel it should function fantastically instead of just looking beautiful.

So here’s my verdict: if you’ve got 200 clams to burn on a wedding present for a couple who’s open-minded and appreciates fine sexual and sensual pleasures, a couple advanced enough that they can use a vibrator without an instruction booklet but not so advanced that they’re going to be frustrated by an only semi-functional blindfold and a fairly goofy “teasing ring,” then sure, the Bridal Pleasure Set could be an impressive choice. For couples who are new to sex toys, or couples who would be annoyed by the kink-curious items in this set, maybe just get them the Noa on its own.

Many thanks to Lelo for supplying me with this set and for always being so good to me!