lipstick

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

It definitely feels weird to be doing my traditional year-end blog post series when it’s been such an utter shitshow of a year. I gotta admit, several times this year I considered just scrapping it, because the perceived frivolity of things like lipsticks, dildos, and sexy slowjams is enough sometimes to make ’em feel like futile topics to write about.

But here’s the thing: they’re not. I know that because, during the entire coronavirus debacle, between Zoom calls and doomscrolling sessions, we’ve turned to those supposedly “frivolous” things to give us comfort and joy, in an era where comfort and joy have been scarce. I’ve heard from countless readers this year telling me that my recommendations of movies, music, makeup, and sex toys have helped them in some way, so I figure I’ll write my yearly wrap-up as usual, though the year itself was not usual at all. We can use all the comfort and continuity we can get right now.

So, today I’m kicking off 12 Days of Girly Juice, with – as always – 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my heart this year.

 

Shorter hair

I didn’t get to write about this last year because it actually happened a couple weeks after my post, so here it is: I’ve had short(er) hair for nearly a year and I love it! After a decade+ of having hair that ranged from mid-chest-length to hip-length, I cut mine to chin-length.

My bedhead is much more chaotic now than it was before, and I have fewer options available to me in terms of hairstyling, but overall I adore this length and probably won’t grow it out for a long while. It makes me feel much more “queer-looking” and much less invisible, and it’s fun to scrunch. Yay!

 

Blue satin Louboutins

It felt like fate when, late last year, while combing online vintage shops for something appropriate to wear to Tara‘s un-wedding, I stumbled across a pair of Louboutin Greissimo pumps in my favorite color and my exact size. My jaw dropped. They were too expensive for the likes of me, but were nonetheless on sale and very reasonably priced for Loubs, so my generous partner bought them for me as my “congrats on finishing your book!” present. I wore them to the un-wedding, needing to take sit-down breaks occasionally during the 4-5 hours we spent hobnobbing and drinking and flirting. They made me feel powerful and high-femme in all the best ways.

I’ve only worn them a handful of times since then, mostly at home for impromptu dress-up days and Zoom parties during quarantine, because they’re far too unwieldy and delicate for most outdoor adventures. But they’ve been displayed on my desk all year, and every time I look at them, I’m reminded that beautiful things can do wonders for my mood.

 

Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick

When my partner Matt and I exchanged anniversary gifts late last year, I opened one of mine and started laughing hysterically. It was this lipstick – and, as Matt discovered when they opened their next present, I had bought them the exact same one, in the exact same shade! We’d discussed our fondness for the luxe Tom Ford lipstick aesthetic at some point, but had never come to a conclusion about which color we preferred, so this was particularly unexpected.

Cherry Lush was probably my most-worn lipstick this year (possibly tied with Sugarpill’s Girl Crush, which I wrote about last year), because it’s absolutely gorgeous. A pink-leaning red that lives up to its name, it seems to work with just about any outfit and any makeup look. Plus it makes me and Matt so happy to wear matching lipstick when we go on dates!

 

Fabric face masks

No fashion accessory (if one can even call it that) defined 2020 so much as the face mask. It became a political battleground, an ethical statement, and a medical must-have. It also became one of the most noticeable fashion choices many of us would make each time we’d go out. You could’ve gone all 2020 without anyone outside your household seeing your choice of lipstick, or the pattern on your socks – but your rotation of masks was, very likely, a crucial part of your aesthetic for most of the year, whether you liked it or not.

I got most of mine from Etsy, including many from shops that are no longer in operation, probably because they got inundated with too many orders to handle. One of my favorite masks of the year was a white sequinned one from AvaReignCreations, which I bought to wear to my (outdoor, socially distanced) wedding. It felt like a nice bridge between the femme fanciness I’d been missing and chasing all year, and the grim reality of our current world. (Would love to hear about your favorite mask-makers in the comments if you’ve got recs, especially for smaller faces!)

 

My engagement and wedding rings

I mean, obviously! These are literally some of the most beautiful items I have ever owned, in any category. I’m so happy I get to wear them every day.

Matt wrote an extensive essay for me about the process of shopping for, and buying, my engagement ring. Unlike some brides, I didn’t really want to be involved in choosing the ring, beyond providing a few specifications – like that I wanted the stone to be aquamarine, and I didn’t want yellow gold. They looked at over 350 aquamarine rings both online and in person, and eventually decided the final selection had to be platinum, with a round stone surrounded by ethically-sourced diamonds. They ended up landing on a Tiffany & Co. sparkler that made me literally gasp when I first saw it.

I got to choose my own wedding ring, and after some deliberation, we decided to go back to Tiffany’s. I tried on several, and the one I ended up settling on is a platinum band with a diamond-studded, V-shaped indentation made to fit perfectly against my engagement ring. I am obsessed!

 

Agent Provocateur lingerie

Experimenting with financial domination was a really fun part of my sex/kink life this year. Matt bought me a couple different sets of luxury lingerie – one hot pink, one royal blue – each as part of a findom scene.

I feel immediately foxy whenever I wear any of these pieces. The bras create legendarily good cleavage – I even wore one of them under my wedding dress, because it makes me feel so beautiful and hot. The craftsmanship on AP stuff is truly wonderful!

 

J. Crew cashmere sweaters

A lot of J. Crew’s catalogue consists of perfect classics, and their “long-sleeve everyday cashmere crewneck sweater” is no exception. However, not all of the colors it comes in could strictly be considered “classic”!

At my behest as part of a financial domination scene (I’m sensing a theme…), Matt bought me one in “lustrous blue,” and later bought me another one in “neon fuchsia.” Words cannot describe how vividly-hued these sweaters are; in fact, even photos cannot truly capture the brightness. They are what Gala Darling would call “eye-gouging.” They are also supremely warm, divinely comfy, and ultra-versatile. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them all winter, and hopefully for several more winters to come.

 

Vintage silk floral-print robe

I fell immediately in love with this pink rose-print 100% silk robe/kimono when I saw it on the Etsy shop FlyGirlOutlet. I had been thinking a lot about cultivating glamour during quarantine – a difficult thing to do, to say the least – and had come to the conclusion that an elegant silk dressing gown would help enormously with that.

I wore this robe around the house a lot all year, and also, most memorably, over the aforementioned AP lingerie for a surreptitious stairwell photoshoot!

 

Coach Rambler bag

I bought a few different bags this year, but one of my faves has to be the Coach Rambler crossbody in a beautiful pinky-purple shade called “hibiscus.” I love this bag’s simple, 1960s-inspired silhouette, comfortably wide strap, and surprisingly roomy interior.

It’s certainly not an ideal bag for a maximalist, but during COVID I’ve mostly just been carrying around my wallet, phone, and maybe a book when I go out (as opposed to pre-pandemic when it mattered enormously to me that my handbags be able to fit a laptop or at least an iPad), so the Rambler has served me well this year!

 

Red heart-shaped glasses

Few things transform your appearance as swiftly as a new pair of glasses. When I saw that Zenni makes a red heart-shaped pair, I just couldn’t resist pursuing my dreams of looking like a grown-up, glamorous Lolita.

These specs get compliments everywhere I go, and make every outfit look a little quirkier and kookier. I adore them!

 

Sparkly black Ugg boots

Midway through this year I bought a pair of black sequinned Ugg boots, after suppressing the urge to buy Uggs for probably a decade. I only wear them indoors (which, apparently, is a must), and they keep my chilly feet incredibly cozy 24/7.

I think the moral of the story here is: fuck the fashion police. (And also the regular police, but I don’t think they care as much about Uggs.) If there’s an item of clothing you love – or think you would love – that would make your favorite fashion blogger or magazine editor shudder, who gives a fuck? They’re not the ones who are gonna be wearing it. You know yourself best – and your style is your choice.

 

False eyelashes

Yep, still enamored. With the bottom half of my face being out of view for so much of this year due to masks, I turned to bold eye looks… and lashes remain one of my go-to glamorizers on glum days.

I use Lilly Lashes glue, although most beauty experts swear by Duo, which I also own but haven’t tried yet. Sugarpill’s Saint lashes are the ones I wore on my wedding day – I love that they’re a mix of black and dark brown, because it makes them look (somewhat) more natural. These Sephora “Flirty” ones are also gorgeous. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at cute people forever!

 

What fashion and beauty items helped get you through the year?

Our Wedding Outfits!

Kate Sloan
All of the beautiful photos in this post were taken by the supremely talented Ashe of Rose Glass Photography, who I would 100% recommend!

Supposedly every little girl grows up dreaming of her perfect wedding, and specifically, her perfect wedding dress. I haven’t found this to be very true in my friend groups, perhaps since so many people I know are queer and/or trans (and thus not prone to heteropatriarchally-rooted fantasies) or just don’t really care about weddings all that much. Personally, as a chronic romantic fantasizer, I was usually more moony-eyed about the idea of my perfect future spouse than I was about the dress I would wear. But I do have a wedding Pinterest board dating back years and years, so I guess at some point I hopped onboard the “dreamily musing about what I’ll wear to walk down the aisle” train.

The COVID-era wedding Matt and I threw together was initially so informal that I wasn’t even sure if I needed a specific outfit for it. I figured it would happen at a courthouse and would be more about signing documents and waiting in line than doing a full face of makeup and throwing a bouquet. One of the first nights we started planning it on the phone, I semi-joked, “I guess I probably have to buy a white dress, huh?” and Matt said, “Yeah! You should!”

Over the next couple of months, we cobbled together our outfits from various sources. We really like to match each other when we go out on dates, so we already had practice syncing up our color palettes. What resulted is a pair of outfits centered around white and blue, with little pops of red and pink here and there. Read on for all the juicy outfit details!

My outfit

The dress: I’ve always wanted a 1950s-style, knee-length wedding dress with a full tulle skirt, but to get it exactly right would require tailoring and a bunch of money, both things that are kind of tricky during a global pandemic. So I set aside that desire for the time being, figuring I could always splurge on my dream dress for the bigger wedding-y event we plan on having post-pandemic so all our friends and family can come party with us. I started looking at more practical and affordable options.

After scouring various online stores for a few days, I eventually settled on this ’50s-inspired A-line dress by Grace Karin. It’s a really classic fit-and-flare silhouette, the kind of thing I wear all the time, but getting it in white was special. I made sure to read a bunch of reviews before pulling the trigger, to make sure buyers thought it was well-constructed and not see-through (a common problem for white dresses), and the reviews were excellent, including some from people whose body shape and size were similar to mine. (I’m generally a size 10-12 and I bought this dress in a size L, if you’re wondering.)

When the dress arrived, I tried it on, and it fit perfectly and looked exactly how I’d hoped it would. I’ve always loved the 1950s aesthetic and was so glad I’d found such a lovely manifestation of it for my “big day”! It was also fortuitous that I only needed to spend $35 on it (!!), because our wedding was in a kinda muddy park and the waitress at our post-ceremony dinner accidentally squirted hand sanitizer on the front of my dress. I think she was pretty horrified, but I just laughed and said, “It’s totally okay, it only cost me $35!!”

The crinoline: While I used to rock crinolines as skirts in high school, I’m not sure I had ever really worn one the way they’re supposed to be worn – under an A-line dress to help it look fuller and more flouncy. But this dress really called for it, and your wedding is one of the days when you get to be unapologetically fancy if you want to, so I decided to go for it.

I got a pale blue one from the same brand, Grace Karin, for $26. Since this type of item is literally created to be voluminous, packing it in a suitcase was a challenge, but I figured it out eventually. I folded it up as small as it would get, stuffed it into a Ziploc bag, and stuffed that inside one of the packing cubes I had recently bought for just such an occasion. I had set aside one entire cube just for wedding clothes, so as to keep them separate from my regular clothes so I wouldn’t accidentally let Matt see them before the day itself.

The shoes: I had bought these pale blue Manolo Blahnik peeptoe sandals almost a year before, and the more that I looked at them, the more I thought they’d be the perfect wedding shoe. My dream pair prior to that had always been Melissa x Vivienne Westwood slingback heels with a red heart detail, but they’re discontinued so they get pretty pricey on eBay. I still think I might hunt down a pair at some point in the future.

The Manolos were a bit impractical, given that the temperature was starting to drop by the time our November wedding rolled around and the event itself took place in a park, where my heels kept sinking into the ground as I walked or stood – but I engaged some muscles I didn’t even know I had, and made it work! However, I did also have Matt stash my beloved Frye harness boots in their bag for me to change into after the ceremony. They looked surprisingly cute with the dress too!

The sash: The more I looked at my dress, the more I felt it should have some kind of belt. What can I say – I love a cinched waist! I considered getting this pale blue vintage leather Moschino belt, but it bugged me that it had gold hardware when all the other metallic tones in the outfit were silver. After a while, I opted instead to buy a 9-foot-by-2-inch length of pale blue satin ribbon to tie into a sash.

On the actual day, I looked up some YouTube tutorials on how to tie a wedding sash, but ultimately I abandoned them and just tied a regular bow, adjusting it until it looked right. I think it came out decently cute for a first try! (Should’ve practiced in advance, yes. Definitely.)

The cardigan: Due to the aforementioned dropping temperatures, I began to consider the possibility that I’d be too cold in just my wedding dress to truly enjoy myself at the event. This became even more of an issue once we settled on having a post-ceremony dinner on the patio of a nearby Italian restaurant, because (reasonably so) we and most of our guests weren’t too comfy with indoor dining, given the, y’know, public health crisis.

Just six days before the wedding, I ordered (secondhand through TheRealReal) this Tiffany-blue cashmere cardigan by Autumn Cashmere. I wanted something kind of dainty and feminine, but still warm enough to keep me cozy, and this fit the bill. I took it off for the actual ceremony, but wore it the rest of the time. I’ve worn it a bunch more times since then, too!

The bag: I didn’t strictly need a bag, and could have kept any personal items in Matt’s backpack (which they had to bring because it contained the marriage certificate, ceremony script, etc.), but hey, I’m a femme and I love bags. So I started looking around for one that would fit the vibe and color scheme of the event.

I’ve loved Rebecca Minkoff’s designs for years but had never owned anything from her, so I was excited when I saw this pale blue saffiano leather clutch of hers on TheRealReal. I love that it’s made to look like an envelope; it reminds me of love letters! The silver zipper-tooth edging also gives it a bit of toughness to balance out the delicate femininity of the color. I think all that was inside my bag during the wedding was my phone, my vows written out on notecards, some makeup items for touch-ups, and a bunch of Kleenex in case of crying!

The lingerie: I bought a set of white lacy lingerie from Avidlove for $20. The panties are high-waisted (very 1950s) and have a corset-esque lace-up panel in the back, which is why putting on my underwear was actually the part of getting dressed for my wedding that took the longest!

I ended up swapping out the bra for a blue one from Agent Provocateur. It felt more glamorous, gave me way better cleavage (look, we all have our own priorities!), matched my collar almost exactly, and had a connection to our romance because it’s part of a set Matt bought me as a financial domination task. I was worried it might show through the dress, because it’s a vivid royal blue, but the fabric was opaque enough that it didn’t turn out to be an issue.

The earrings: I wanted something pretty but very basic and not-cumbersome, since I don’t wear earrings all that often. The ones I went with are aquamarine-colored Swarovski crystals on a sterling silver backing, from an Etsy shop called UniqueGlassTreasures. Maybe one day I’ll get some real aquamarine ones…

The nails: My fingernails were painted with Revlon’s “To the Chapel” topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones.” The night before the wedding, Matt painted my toenails with Essie’s “Lacquered Up” while we watched TV. (Perks of having a foot fetishist spouse!)

The masks: Since we knew we’d have to wear masks for at least part of the day, we decided we should get fancy ones. I found these sequinned masks from AvaReignCreations on Etsy and totally fell in love. I got one for me in white and one for Matt in navy. Mine needed a little resizing, since I have a small-ish face, but fortunately all I had to do was tie a tiny knot at the end of each ear loop and it fit much better.

The makeup: Two of my fave beauty YouTubers, Jaclyn Hill and Lisa Eldridge, both have bridal makeup tutorials that I took a lot of cues from. For my eyes, I used a lot of different beige, brown, black, and nude shades from the LORAC Pro palette and the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill palette. (The latter has a shade called “S.B.N.” which stands for “smoky but natural,” because Jaclyn says when she was a professional makeup artist for hire, every bride seemed to ask for a look that was “smoky but natural”!) I did my usual black winged liner with MAC Liquidlast (the only thing I’ve tried that can truly stand up to my crying), and finished off the look with Sugarpill Saint false lashes.

I wore a Revlon foundation over a Bite Beauty primer. It was hard shopping for foundation during a pandemic – normally a makeup pro would test a bunch of different shades on your skin, but I didn’t feel comfy with that for hygienic reasons (and I’m not even sure if they’re still allowed to do that), so instead I just brought along my MAC concealer and matched it to a foundation at the drugstore, and it seems to have worked out fine. On top of those, I put some Laura Mercier translucent setting powder (holy grail for mattifying combo/oily skin!), Tarte blush in “Natural Beauty,” and Becca highlight in “Moonstone.” I contoured with NYX blush in “Taupe,” and set the whole thing with an ELF matte setting spray.

For my lips, first I filled them in with a red lip liner from the drugstore, and then I went over that with Tom Ford’s “Cherry Lush.” Matt and I both own and love this lipstick, and decided we both wanted to wear it to our wedding!

Matt’s outfit

The suit: This gorgeous navy suit is from Suitsupply. They wore it on our second date too, and I remember thinking, as we met up outside a Manhattan coffee shop, that I had never seen somebody look so handsome before! It’s made of wool and is really well-tailored, and it brings out the color of Matt’s eyes beautifully.

The shirt: One of the things I love about Matt is that they have an appreciation for fancy things, even when the fanciness won’t be noticeable to most people. This white Brooks Brothers dress shirt is exactly that sort of item. It has a really subtle herringbone pattern that’s only visible from up close, and adds a touch of luxury and style to what would otherwise be a pretty basic item.

The shoes: I love these shoes. Matt was wearing them on our first date and I commented on how shiny they were; little did I know, they were one of Matt’s favorite pairs, and one that they reach for when they want to feel fancy. They’re the Park Avenue oxfords by Allen Edmonds in the shade “Walnut.” Sometimes I wish I could pull off an oxford… Maybe someday!

The tie: Matt assigned me a task, a couple months before the wedding, to research some accessories they could wear for their outfit (ties, socks, pocket squares, etc.) and write a little bit about why each one would be a good pick. I had a few ties on my list (any other non-tie-wearing people weirdly love shopping for ties for loved ones?!), but one of my faves was this Liberty tie featuring white flowers on a pale blue background. I love that it’s an unconventional and somewhat androgynous choice, perfect for my offbeat nonbinary sweetheart.

The pocket square: Might be my favorite detail of the outfit! I was trawling TheRealReal and I stumbled across a secondhand silk Tiffany’s pocket square emblazoned with a blue and white map of Manhattan. It seemed like a perfect pick for my love, a long-time New Yorker and (as discussed) a big fan of subtly fancy details. Weirdly, I suggested this for Matt fully a month before I even knew my engagement ring was also going to be from Tiffany’s!

The socks: I picked out these navy and pink polka-dotted dress socks for Matt from the Tie Bar. They’re so much fun, and I love the way they subtly allude to the trans pride colors.

The pin: Speaking of trans pride… This sweet little trans heart enamel pin is from RisingVioletPress on Etsy.

The makeup: Matt kept it really simple – just some Glossier Boy Brow on their brows, and Tom Ford lip liner in “Charge” under Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush.”

Whew! That was a lot of outfit details. If you feel like leaving a comment, I would love to know what your favorite parts of your wedding outfit were, or what items you’d like to wear to your wedding if you ever have one!

Lashing Out: How False Eyelashes Brighten My Life

Kate Sloan

The coronavirus crisis has a way of stripping us of our ability to access our most basic coping mechanisms, while simultaneously giving us a lot we need to cope with. I feel like I’m stuck between a vaccine and a hard place.

What would I do if I was having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, pre-COVID? I would go to the theatre (can’t do that anymore), or go read my book in a dark bar somewhere (can’t do that either), or go see family (can’t do that unless I’m very, very careful). It sucks knowing what could comfort you and not having access to it, to state something incredibly obvious that we’ve all had to deal with in some form for months.

One of my many COVID-cancelled coping mechanisms is doing my makeup. Sure, if I’m in the mood to do a full face, I could always just hang around at home afterward and post selfies, or I could focus on eyeshadow, eyeliner, and eyebrows to make sure my look is visible even when my mask is on. Early in quarantine, I even bought some colorful new MAC eyeshadows to tide me over until anyone outside my bubble could admire my lipstick again.

But it just didn’t feel like enough. Eyeshadow is time-consuming – all that blending takes me ages! – and the effect ultimately just isn’t as starkly glamorous as a bold red lip. It’s also not as versatile – I firmly believe bright lipstick can be a great addition to any outfit, while elaborate eyeshadow looks have a way of seeming over-the-top and out of place in daytime or casual contexts (at least, that’s what I think). Far too often during quarantine, craving a cosmetic pick-me-up but lacking enough time or emotional wherewithal to prime my eyelids and carefully blend several different shades of eyeshadow for 10-15 minutes, I would just give up, throw on my mask over my bare face, and call it a day.

Of course, as I’m sure you know if makeup is a central part of your self-presentation like it is for me, it can feel pretty shitty to have to be out in the world when your outsides are out of step with your insides. (Obviously lots of other kinds of people experience variations of this feeling, including trans people. If I’m whining about not being able to wear lipstick visibly in public, I literally can’t imagine how awful gender dysphoria must be.) At grocery stores, liquor stores, and the bank, I’d find myself wanting to tell everyone – in the immortal words of Mary Tyler Moore – “I usually look so much better than this!!”

However, then I discovered the wonders of false eyelashes. After shying away from them for years because of how difficult and annoying it seemed to wear and apply them, I finally decided to take the leap. I ordered a couple of inexpensive Sephora-brand pairs of lashes, some lash glue, and a tweezers-esque lash applicator. When they arrived, I watched some of my favorite beauty YouTubers’ instructional videos on applying falsies, and gave it a shot.

I’m not gonna lie: it is difficult. It’s one of the fiddliest, most intricate skills I’ve ever had to learn in my decade+ of doing my own makeup – although I suppose I probably felt that way about winged eyeliner and eyeshadow application a few years back. With lashes, though, there’s the added pressure of time – you only have a limited window between when the lash glue gets tacky enough to stick to your lids and when it’s dried too much to allow for adjustments. It’s like a nervewracking game from some high-pressure high-femme game show that should definitely exist if it doesn’t already.

But once I got the hang of it, I was immediately in love. False eyelashes completely transform your face. They can make you feel like a glamorous alien in one fell swoop. I always feel like a cartoon character in mine, batting my eyes flirtatiously at anyone (or no one) without even meaning to, like a queer tattooed Jessica Rabbit.

Best of all, lashes are just as impactful when you’re wearing a mask. In fact, they might even be moreso, because when you’re talking to someone who has a mask on, their eyes are kind of the only thing you can look at. And while it does take a few minutes to put them on, I’m getting faster at it each time I practice, and it doesn’t require a plethora of different products like eyeshadow does. I don’t even necessarily need the fancy tool I bought – more often than not, I use my fingers instead, especially as I’ve gotten more confident with the placement.

Lashes are truly one of the fastest, easiest ways to feel like a complete glamourpuss. On the first day I wore them, I was sporting a casual T-shirt and lounge pants, with no makeup on my face – and when I had to answer the door for a mail delivery, I wasn’t even embarrassed to be seen like that, as I normally might have been. My lashes made me seem like I had put effort into my look, even though I barely had. They are exactly the flashy femme self-care tool I was looking for.

I’m not saying false eyelashes are right for everyone. They’re challenging and cumbersome and often very weird. But I’m so glad I took a chance on them, after believing I would be hopelessly inept at using them. Like so many fashion and beauty risks I’ve taken over the years, I had no idea how amazing they would make me feel until I gathered the courage to put them on.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

Hello! Today kicks off 12 Days of Girly Juice, my annual year-end wrap-up series where I highlight everything that captured my attention most all year, from songs to events to sex sessions. The first instalment of the series is always about my 12 favorite fashion and beauty items of the year – so here we go!

Keith Haring limited-edition Coach Rogue bag

This was one of my anniversary presents from my partner Matt last year; I had tweeted about it many months earlier and I guess they made a note of that! The entire collaboration collection between Coach and Keith Haring was very up my alley – lots of pinks and blues, graphical hearts, and sequins – but this piece, in particular, really called to me. “You needed to own it,” Matt told me later.

This bag is made of ultra-supple blue leather, and is roomy enough for the books and journals I like to cart around with me (though tragically, not my laptop). It has a paler blue heart on the outside, made of – get this – leather sequins. The entire thing is so thoughtfully constructed, and it’s one of the most unique pieces I own. I look forward to carrying it for many years to come!

Velvet

This year I examined the possibility that I might have a mild velvet fetish – based on the fact that whenever I went shopping, I was unavoidably drawn to velvet items, and often felt quite sexy wearing them or even just touching them. Later I was invited to submit a story to an erotica anthology on the topic of queer women’s fashion, and what I ended up writing was an XXXplicit XXXploration of velvet fetishism. By the end of that writing process, I was like, “Yup. Probably into velvet.”

Some of my fave velvet items this year were the simplest: a couple of Christmasy A-line dresses in red and green, a pink slip dress with lacy edges, a deep V-neck crop top in rich raspberry. I think my all-time favorite velvet item, though, is a purple blazer I thrifted in high school, which has since been lost to time. One day I’ll find another one!

The Ordinary skincare

I’ve always liked simple skincare products the best. CeraVe and Cetaphil are my jam, with an occasional Lush product thrown in there. So I don’t know why it took me so long to get around to trying stuff from The Ordinary, which is known for its super stripped-down products, but I’m glad I finally did.

With the addition of their glycolic acid toner, squalane, rose hip seed oil, “Buffet” serum, and salicylic acid masque to my routine, my skin looks better than it has in a whiiiile. Yay!

Pink cardigan

At some point this year I misplaced my favorite old hot pink cardigan from H&M, and it immediately became obvious how central this garment was to my personal style. So, with my partner’s adorable encouragement, I replaced it with a basic one from Amazon and it’s remained a cornerstone of my look.

Kate Spade Holiday Lane Page bag

I bought this structured black leather tote to be my new go-to carry-on bag when I travel, because my old one was falling apart, and so far it has served me very well. It’s roomy enough for all the shit I tend to take with me on planes – laptop, journal, Kindle, gum, wallet, headphones, meds, Kleenex, lipstick, passport, an occasional silly neck pillow – and it also looks sleek and professional and Businesslady Chic.

People sometimes ask me for travel tips, since I do a lot more of it now, being in a long-distance relationship – and one of the best I can offer is this: establish travel routines that you find comfortingly familiar. I always take the same route to the airport, always wear some variation of the same outfit, always prepare and pack in the exact same way. Having a reliably good carry-on bag is an important part of that routine for me – it contains everything I need to get me through the anxiety-provoking process that is travel. It’s not just a purse, it’s a lifeline!

Lickability T-shirt

This is a weird thing to include, because it’s not girly or fancy or remarkable, but: my partner gifted me a T-shirt bearing the logo of their company, and I wear it a lot. It feels like the grown-up, millennial equivalent of sporting your partner’s letterman jacket (or, um, leatherenby jacket) – it’s a reminder that I’m loved. It’s also very fucking soft, and goes with everything. Score.

NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer

Y’know, sometimes you gotta shout out the unsung heroes. I’ve been using this concealer all year to cover an unidentified red spot that’s sprung up between my eyebrows (is it psoriasis? Is it sebhorreic dermatitis? It’s one thing for sure: resistant to my medicated creams for both of those conditions, ugh!!). The vanilla shade, which I use, also has a slight yellowish hue which – on my skin tone – works well for concealing purplish under-eye circles. The formula is creamy enough that it doesn’t get crusty and gross-looking like so many other concealers do, and it stays put pretty well, especially under powder. I’ve pretty much stopped wearing foundation, but concealer is a must-have for helping me feel cute, which is (for me) basically the point of wearing makeup.

L’Oreal lipstick in “Devil’s Matte-vocate Red”

This one was a real sleeper hit for me… My mom brought this lipstick back for me on a whim after a New York jaunt, and I wasn’t expecting to love it, but I do! It’s a rich shade of ruby red that just works. It stays on longer and more evenly than lots of more expensive reds I’ve worn, and I feel cute as heck in it.

Sugarpill lipstick in “Girl Crush”

I’ve previously written about the liquid version of this lipstick, but the standard version has been a major fave this year. It’s one of the best cool-toned hot pinks I’ve ever found, along with previous faves, NARS Schiap and Bourjois Pink Pong. Plus the packaging is legendarily cute and the formula is decently long-lasting without being drying. Sugarpill really knows their shit.

High-waisted jeans

I used to think this style was unflattering on pear-shaped people like me. That might be true – I don’t really know – but I’ve reached a point where I don’t give a shit. I have a pair of high-waisted jeans from Madewell and one from the Gap, and I feel super cute, curvy, and babely in them. When I tuck a shirt into them, I feel more put-together than I usually do in jeans, which helps them feel more in line with my polished femme aesthetic (I’ve previously had trouble wearing jeans because they made me feel sloppy and boyish, which is… not my gender). All hail good, flattering denim!

Black and silver dress

I forget when I even bought this slinky dress from H&M, but it’s very much a fave. I’ve worn it to dinners, drinks, shows, and even a wedding. It feels sexy and fancy, but is also incredibly comfortable (an important consideration for someone with chronic pain and depression!). I can throw it on over a black lacy bralette and a pair of tights and I look like I put serious consideration into my outfit. Ideal.

Cute phone cases

It’s 2019, so your phone case is more a part of your outfit than ever before. In an age of mirror selfies, this shit matters! I had a super sparkly rhinestoned one from BlingsSupplyShop earlier in the year, and then got tired of leaving a trail of rhinestones in my wake everywhere I went, so I switched to a “Sick Sad Girl” case from LookHuman (it’s a Daria reference). It gets compliments nonstop and makes me happy, which is all you can really ask for.

 

Those were my fashion and beauty faves this year! What were yours?

Monthly Faves: Weddings & Wisecracks

Kate Sloan

Sex toys

• An ice cube barely counts as a sex toy, but nonetheless: temperatures soared in Toronto this month and I enjoyed trying some temperature play with my partner. While this activity is often included in “Spice things up!” articles for vanilla people, for me it was a distinctly kinky experience that resulted in a lot of screaming and a deep, disorienting subspace. Pro tip: Tovolo King Cube ice trays create extra-large ice cubes that work better (and longer) for this purpose than the standard size.

• Tweezers aren’t really a sex toy either, but I enjoy using them as a sadomasochistic tool in scenes where I’m playing a dominant role, with partners who don’t mind getting groomed by a mean brat. Mine are Sephora-brand but maybe one day I’ll update to a fancy pair of Tweezermans.

Fantasy fodder

• I wrote something in my newsletter this month about the ethical minefield that is fantasizing about incels (“involuntary celibates”). Much like a related fantasy of mine – taking a young man’s virginity – this one is mostly about the utter delight and surprise that the other person would radiate at me. It’s still weird to have sexual fantasies about people I consider ethically abhorrent like incels (and Chuck Bass), but hey, your fantasy life is your fantasy life.

• I’ve long had an uneasy fascination with wedding culture and this month I started thinking a lot about the absurd tradition that is wedding-night sex. I asked for stories from my Twitter followers about this particular rite of passage and got some interesting replies. I’m not much for “romantic sex,” so if I was getting married, probably that night would involve impact play and a collar and leash… or just, y’know, sleep. (P.S. I have a truly ridiculous “wedding” Pinterest board from when I was in university and fantasized about this type of thing to calm myself down at times of high anxiety, incase you’re into that.)

• Sir and I did a roleplay this month of their devising, in which I was starring in a high school production of Into the Woods (a mutual fave show) and they were in the tech crew. They came to my dressing room to compliment me on my singing and… things escalated. It reminded me of how much fun high-school roleplays can be: the excitement, the novelty, the hormones, oh my!

Sexcetera

• Very excited to announce that my new podcast collaboration with the incomparable Brent Black is live! It’s called Question Box and you should be able to find it on most podcast providers. It’s a game show where guests and hosts compete to see who can answer the most shockingly personal questions on air. Give it a listen – and pledge to our Patreon if you like supporting weird comedy!

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 21 times, which is a frankly wacky amount of sex for a person in a long-distance relationship to be able to have. (We spent two weekends together instead of just one like we usually do.) I had phone sex 20 times, totaling 41 sex sessions – a record high for the year so far!

Femme stuff

• One of my most gleeful fashion/beauty moments of the month was when Matt and I wore matching outfits – their tie was almost the exact same print as my dress – and matching lipstick (Fire & Ice by Revlon, a classic).

• I got a lot of opportunities to do Matt’s makeup this month and it was so fun. This coppery smoky eye was maybe my fave. I haven’t done many people’s makeup in my life, which makes it feel extra intimate and special to do it on my partner.

• My friend and roommate Sarah gave me a pink and blue scarf that is soooo my style. Trust a femme to get you the exact right thing for your look!

Media

• I enjoyed Dear Edward, a forthcoming novel by Ann Napolitano about a 12-year-old boy who is the sole survivor of a plane crash that kills his family. It sounds sad, and it is, but it’s also incredibly hopeful and sweet and charming.

• Everyone on my Twitter timeline was freaking out about an essay called “The Crane Wife,” and I read it and it was as good as expected. It has a lot to say about the ways our patriarchal culture is set up to make women squash their own needs in order to “get” and “keep” a man.

• One of my fave outings this month was seeing Some Like It Hot on a giant outdoor movie screen at the Corktown Common with my mom. It’s a fave movie for both of us so it was fun to share the experience of watching it with a bunch of strangers under the stars!

Little things

Catsitting Sarah’s cats and talking out loud to them constantly. Veggies with hummus. Going to the art gallery with Matt to languish in air conditioning on a really hot day. Drunkenly playing the piano at Civil Liberties (Nick, the bartender that night, sent over a glass of amaro to me for “classing up the joint” – best). Pasta salad. Hanging out with Rey in their last month in Toronto (for the time being, anyway). Birthday cake donuts at Bloomer’s, spinach-feta croissants at Jimmy’s Coffee, and maple glazed donuts at Krispy Kreme. Karaoke nights at the Fox. Playing Use Your Words over whiskey shots with friends. Lying on my childhood bedroom floor to soak it in for the last time, before we sold the house. My room at my parents’ new house. Cooking at home. Phone sex until 3 a.m. Dancing my ass off at a wedding.