makeup

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

Hello! Today kicks off 12 Days of Girly Juice, my yearly 12-part wrap-up of the things I loved most throughout the year. Over the next month, I’ll be sharing my fave sex toys, events, sexual encounters, and so much more from 2018! Today’s edition, however, is about something much simpler: femme delights! Read on to find out which fashion and beauty items I most adored in 2018.

Aimanté

Last year I waffled about my preferred perfumes, writing about 7 different ones instead of picking One Scent to Rule Them All. This year, however, there is a clear choice topping my list of fragrance faves: Aimanté, the bespoke scent my boyfriend commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me for my birthday.

Dirkes described the scent thusly: “The rich fragrance of ripe blood orange and brilliant red geranium create a feminine opening. Middle notes of sweet honeyed balsams and sparkling amber are given texture with a hint of dark cocoa and patchouli. The earthy roots of vetiver provide a dark grounding for the accord.” My nose isn’t sophisticated enough to pick out the individual notes; all I know is that it’s an impossibly feminine and sexy scent. It feels more “me” every time I wear it, and I’ve worn it a lot.

It feels like a miracle that I am the only person in the world who gets to wear this exact formulation and that I love it so much. It also feels like a gift, each and every time I spritz on some Aimanté, that someone in the world loves me enough to have given me this beautiful thing that brightens my days.

MeUndies lounge pants

These are the real MVP of my freelance-writer wardrobe. I own two pairs – one in basic black, and one in a Christmasy red plaid – and I wear them all the time when I’m bummin’ around the house. They are divine.

I must say, I’m not a fan of pants as a category, so I balked a bit at the idea of spending $60 for a pair. (It should go without saying that I was never a Lululemon or Adidas girl!) But I’ve worn these so much that they’ve become worth it to me on their cost-per-wear ratio alone. The modal is super soft, the cut is lovely and flattering, and each pair has FOUR POCKETS. (As a hyperfemme, I am always thrilled by pockets.) The holy grail of lounge pants, truly!

L’Amour-Propre collars

I would be remiss not to mention one of my most-worn accessories of the year, my collar. Strangely, I already owned a L’Amour-Propre collar before I even met my Sir – a turquoise one – but we decided, upon meeting and becoming serious about our D/s dynamic, that we wanted one that would be just ours. So we settled on a royal blue suede one, and later upgraded to a royal blue leather one.

These collars are lovely, simple, eye-catching, kinky-looking but not too over-the-top to wear in everyday situations, and comfortable enough for all-day wear. They’re everything I want and need in a collar.

CowCow dresses

I discovered this affordable brand on Amazon this year and was quickly smitten. They make flattering A-line dresses in a myriad of wacky prints and a wide range of sizes, for reasonable prices. Some of my favorites: a purple one with pink and purple kiss-prints, a rainbow one, and one in my signature turquoise and pink.

When I was younger, I resisted adopting a “style uniform,” because I wanted every day’s outfit to be eclectic and unexpected. But I’ve come around to the practice of dressing more-or-less all the time in a way I know flatters me and makes me feel great. No matter what’s going on in my head or in the world, a fit-and-flare dress and a pair of kickass boots are a combination I feel stellar in.

Coach Mercer satchel

I bought this late last year as a little self-care treat during the brief window of time when I had a sugar daddy and thought I might continue having one for the foreseeable future (womp womp). It’s a wee little open-top leather satchel, just barely big enough to fit my laptop, wallet, journal and pen – the exact right size, therefore, for my purposes.

I love the robin’s-egg blue color; it’s ladylike yet fun. I love the softness of the leather, always one of my favorite qualities of Coach bags. And I love that it’s a little piece of luxury I bought myself when I was able to. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself!

Wythe Hotel T-shirt

I bought a commemorative shirt from the hotel where my boyfriend first told me he loved me, because I am a sap. I didn’t know, however, when I ordered it, that I would end up wearing it at least once a week. It’s soft and comfortable and it reminds me of a very happy memory. What’s not to love?

Lotta From Stockholm peeptoe clogs

I bought these on the advice of a foot fetishist, who is, shall we say, biased. They are yellow and sexy and comfortable and perfect. They are my new go-to summer shoe. Thank you, Lotta, whoever you are.

Sugarpill liquid lipsticks

I have a couple of these – one in hot pink, “Girl Crush,” and another that is equally bright pink but laced with gold glitter, from a limited-edition set Sugarpill issued this year. Both are packaged adorably and make me feel like a sparkly megafemme when I apply them.

Unlike many liquid lipsticks – and I’ve tried lots, being a blowjob lipstick aficionado – the formula of these makes them feel feather-light on the lips, so much so that I sometimes forget I’m wearing one. They’re not quite friction-proof enough to have passed the blowjob test, and they don’t even hold up that well through food and drink, but I don’t mind reapplying them in public. I mean, have you seen the cute packaging on these?!

Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink in “Pioneer”

This was a recommendation from Rae and I’m so glad I listened to them. I’ve been looking basically all my life for a perfect red lipstick, one that’s bright and cool-toned and opaque and actually stays on, and this is it. As with many liquid lipsticks, it’s dry and drying, and takes a little while to dry once applied, but those are my only complaints about it. If this lipstick was a person, I would give it lots of kisses.

Gap cashmere cardigan

I’ve searched for the perfect black cashmere cardigan for a long time; it’s a surprisingly tall order. I prefer V-neck ones, because I usually wear cardis unbuttoned and don’t like how a high collar looks that way. I also need my cardigans to have long sleeves (though I often roll ’em up) and I like a classic, feminine, curve-hugging cut. Almost no one makes this type of thing!

However, the Gap made one briefly last year, and had a sale that made the $150 price tag slightly more palatable to me, so I bought it. It’s actually perfect. It’s exactly what I wanted. It goes with every outfit. Living in a cold climate calls for cashmere, IMO, and I usually get mine vintage ‘n’ cheap, but I was happy to spend more than I normally would on such a flawless, indispensable basic.

IT Luggage turquoise suitcase

Okay, you might not think a suitcase counts as a femme accessory, but when you travel a lot and/or are in a long-distance relationship, it does! Bored of the basic black one I’d been hauling around for years – and of squinting in vain at the luggage carousel post-flight, trying to figure out which bag was mine – I snapped up this one by IT Luggage, in my favorite shade of vivid turquoise. Upon receiving it, I immediately tied a hot pink bandana to the handle, making it truly mine.

This suitcase is light, roomy for its size, and aesthetically delightful. I get supremely stressed out when I travel, but this bag makes the whole experience about 12% more fun, so I consider it to have been a worthwhile investment.

Frye engineer boots

These are – it must be said – immensely kinky-looking. I feel like a lithe domme whenever I wear them: like someone should be kneeling in front of me, cleaning and shining my boots while I page through a glossy magazine.

My long-beloved Frye harness boots finally kicked the bucket this year – a cobbler pronounced their soles unsalvageable – so I’ve been wearing these engineer ones a lot instead. They’re more grown-up-looking than my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this scrappy kinky femme is finally becoming a sophisticated kinky femme.

What fashion/beauty items did you love this year?

Pigtails and the Patriarchy: Where Sex Meets Style

Kate Sloan

What does it mean to “get dressed up for sex”?

This question hits me right at the intersection of my sex-nerdiness and my femme proclivities. It fascinates me. Because, as with so many things sex-related, the answer is different for everyone. What makes me feel slinky and seductive might make you feel clunky and ugly, and vice versa. You have to wear what makes you feel sexy – and that information can’t be found in any fashion magazine or advice column. It has to come from within yourself.

Sex and presentation are inextricably linked for many people – sometimes in insidious and not-altogether-healthy ways. Where is the line between celebrities being photoshopped to look like realistic sex dolls in magazines because the patriarchy demands it, and a kinkster consensually pursuing that look as part of a “bimbofication” fantasy? Where is the line between shaving your legs because you feel shamed into it, and doing it because having smooth legs turns you on? Where is the line between hobbling around in high heels because it’s “the proper thing to do,” and slipping into those pumps because the way they change your posture makes you feel like a subby minx?

As with most things kinky, the line between right and wrong here is simply consent, agency, and desire. If you’ve got those things, you’re good. Fly free and do you.

Of course, there are those who are quick to point out that our own tastes and desires are influenced by society, and that this makes our choices less “free,” in a sense. True, smooth-shaved armpits and impeccable eyeliner probably wouldn’t make me feel drop-dead gorgeous if not for patriarchal society and its many enforcers. But the patriarchy is so draining, such a source of despair for so many, that I say we might as well take our little joys from it where we can. There is a silver lining to almost everything, no matter how small, and it sucks that the cloud exists, but I’m gonna cling to that silver lining, dammit.

It used to vex me that I craved knowing partners’ aesthetic preferences. Were they more into butts or boobs? Did they like faceplanting in a smooth vulva or a full bush? Did they prefer me in strappy sandals or stompy boots? It bothered me that I cared so much, until I realized it was a kink thing for me. I’ve learned through trial and error that what I really need is a partner who doesn’t require me to adhere to their standards – because of course, “requiring” that type of thing from anyone is, at best, shitty, and at worst, abuse – but who will nonetheless tell me their preferences when asked. I like surprising partners by showing up looking the way they like me best, especially if I’m submissive to them in our dynamic. It’s a form of service, and I feel super smart and accomplished when I get it right.

It’s worth noting, too, that this is often a two-way street in balanced relationships. It delights me when partners take note of which presentation choices make me swoon – rolled-up sleeves, subtle cologne, shirts that bring out the color of their eyes – and show up to our dates having optimized their ensemble to woo me. My current boyfriend knows oral sex feels better for me when his face is smooth, and I’ll never forget the delicious anticipation I felt lounging in a hotel bed once while he shaved his face in the bathroom. I knew good things were coming.

Clothing, makeup, hairstyling, and perfume can all help me access certain headspaces that are useful for kink. Pigtails, pink lipstick, short skirts, and thigh-high socks are often my go-to when I want to feel submissive; they bring out my inner slutty schoolgirl. When I want to feel more dominant, I’ll often wear leather boots and a decisive, dark-colored outfit that lends me some strength. These cues remind my body and mind of what I’m about to do, and help me feel sexier while I’m doing it.

In a world which tells us all – especially women and femmes – that we have to look a certain way in order to be desirable and thus valuable, it’s refreshing to make aesthetic choices consciously, rather than feeling forced into them. Whether I’m rebelling against patriarchal expectations or deliberately playing into them, I feel strong and sexy knowing the choice was mine.

And then there are times when I abandon aesthetic trappings altogether, good sex having rendered me a sweaty, naked, makeupless heap. Those times are lovely, too.

Bonus: if you’re interested in figuring out which aesthetics make you feel sexiest, here are some questions you can ponder and/or journal about!

  1. Which celebrities, fictional characters, and people from your real life have an aesthetic you admire? What do you like about it?
  2. What types of clothing, makeup, hair, etc. show up a lot in your favorite erotic media (porn, erotica, fanfiction, whatever you’re into)? Do you find those choices sexy? Why or why not?
  3. What do you wear and what do you look like in your sexual fantasies? Would you want to dress/look that way in real life?
  4. What aesthetic elements are commonly associated with your sexuality and/or kinks (e.g. leather, pigtails, tight pants, high heels)? Do you identify with those elements, or not? Why?
  5. What clothing and other aesthetic elements make you feel really sexy when you’re by yourself? Why?
  6. What clothing and other aesthetic elements make you feel really sexy when you’re with a partner? Why?
  7. What kinds of things do you typically wear when you go on an exciting date? Why?
  8. In the past, have partners asked or told you to wear certain things or style yourself in certain ways for them? How did you feel about that?
  9. Which parts of your aesthetic are you okay with your partners having some influence over, and which do you want to be your decision alone? (It’s completely okay if you want to make all your own aesthetic decisions, even if you’re submissive!)
  10. If you could encapsulate your ideal “sex aesthetic” in 5 words, what would those words be? (I think mine would be: feminine, playful, retro, glamorous, and comfortable!)

 

Thank you to OVDolls for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

December is here, and therefore, so is 12 Days of Girly Juice, my year-end wrap-up series! In the next month, I’ll summarize my whole year in selfies, sex toys, sexual encounters, tweets, and more. But today, we begin with a subject that’s dear to my heart: beauty and fashion! Here are my top 12 must-have femme items of 2017…

Giorgio Armani Rouge d’Armani lipstick in “Lucky Red”

Last November, I went to Rome with my mom, and it was momentous. All day every day, we walked around that ancient city soaking up world-famous sights. It was almost too much beauty and history to handle, and made me feel like I was buzzing right out of my body with deep glee and meaning.

One day, we visited the Spanish Steps. Sitting on those stairs surrounded by other tourists, I felt called to buy something that would remind me of this place. I didn’t want gimmicky miniatures or boring old postcards, so I did what any consumerist femme would do: I walked into Sephora. (Yes, there is a Sephora opposite the Spanish Steps. Yes, it is a strange, anachronistic place. It’s like femme purgatory: surreal and always bustling and highly unlikely.)

I wanted a lipstick, since that’s the cosmetic item I use most often and also the one I associate most with glamour. I figured it would make me happy in subsequent months to be able to think of said lipstick as a souvenir from glorious Rome, and to tell people that when they asked about it. Suitably, the one I went with was by Italian brand Giorgio Armani. It’s a cool-toned, bright red that makes me feel like a 1950s movie star or a high-gloss spy. It goes on satiny and dries to a slightly more matte crimson that stays put better than almost any other lipstick in my arsenal (which it damn well better, for $43). It’s my favorite red lipstick I’ve ever owned, and I have owned a lot. And that mystique only has a little to do with where I bought it.

Coach turnlock tote in turquoise crossgrain leather

I bought this on sale for half-price last holiday season, and it has served me well all year long. Not only is it the most aggressively, delightfully vivid shade of turquoise I’ve ever seen, it’s also roomy enough for almost all my various adventures. I’ve taken it as an overnight bag to sex-dates at beaux’ houses, as my carry-on when shuttling back and forth between Toronto and New York, and as a gig bag when en route to photoshoots or porn-y events that required wardrobe changes. It has lots of pockets, which I tend to stuff with extra tissues, mints, love notes, bobby pins, lipsticks, vibrators, business cards, supplements, and lube samples. It’s my dream bag and I adore it.

Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces

I have three of these now: one small purple/green/turquoise one, one larger one emblazoned with Queen Alice, and (my favorite) one giant pink sparkly one that attracts stares and compliments wherever I go. I bought the Alice necklace direct from the company during a sale, and snapped up the other two on eBay, since they seem to have been discontinued. They make me happy every damn time I wear them.

My heart necklaces function like day collars for me: they sit heavily around my neck, grounding me, reminding me of how good I am, keeping me on task. In times of emotional turmoil, they also feel like shields for my heart, deflecting negative energy and keeping me safe. I hope to collect a couple more – maybe a blue one and a black one – because we all need more sparkly hearts in our lives!

Perfume

It’s hard to pick a specific perfume here, because I’ve loved so many this year! Under the influence of The Dry Down, a mega-poetic newsletter about the philosophical and emotional side of perfume, I started buying perfume samples galore to try out. This is much cheaper than committing to full bottles of particular scents, and also makes more sense with the mercurial way I tend to fall in love with a perfume for a while, then move on to a different one.

Some of my 2017 fragrance faves: John Varvatos, a spicy, masc-leaning gourmand. Leatherstock, which smells like straight-up leather and which I like to combine with other scents for an extra kinky dimension. Tom of Finland, which is like pressing your nose against the pheromone-laden skin of someone attractive and comforting. Memoirs of a Trespasser, the scent of a rugged, babely adventurer come back home to roost. Carnal Flower, which smells like (per Helena Fitzgerald) “monied femininity.” Good Girl, a somewhat heavy, almost overbearingly feminine scent that reminds me of slutty honey. And most recently, Noel au Balcon, a hyper-festive wintertime scent that reminds me of cloves, oranges, honey, and the champagne-fizzy excitement of a tipsy conversation with an interesting stranger at a holiday party.

H&M skater dresses

H&M did a wonderful thing this year: they made what is basically the perfect dress, as far as I’m concerned, and released it in 15+ different colors and prints. Best of all, they priced each dress at $15.

I own said dress in 10+ different colorways now, and they get more wear than practically anything else in my closet. They’re just exactly what I want from a dress: comfortable, flattering, versatile. This year I wore them on dates, to shows, in photoshoots. I danced in them, kissed in them, partied in them, even occasionally fucked in them. They are perfection and I’m so glad I stocked up.

Yo Sox

Last month, I settled in for a phone sex session with a handsome gentleman, and he asked me – as phone sex suitors are wont to do – what I was wearing. I’d promised to wear something nice for him, something that made me feel sexy, even if he wouldn’t actually be seeing it. “I’m wearing a T-shirt, some panties, and a pair of kneesocks,” I told him, truthfully. He made a sound that was half-gasp, half-growl. I smiled.

My enduring love for knee-high and thigh-high socks comes partly from the predictable reaction they get out of many men, and partly from how they make me feel in my kinky little heart. When I’m putting together an ensemble designed to make me feel like a babygirl, girly socks are a vital part of the look. This year I discovered Yo Sox, a company that sells whimsical socks both online and in their brick-and-mortar store on Toronto’s Queen Street West, and I swiftly fell in love. It’s hard to feel sad when there are unicorns or whales prancing across your feet!

Tiny black shorts

Another H&M acquisition, I bought these minuscule shorts for $15 on an impulsive shopping trip in April. They ended up being a go-to for me all summer, garnering tons of compliments and making me feel cute in a way I rarely feel when my chubby bod is being shown off so flagrantly. They work well with crop tops, bralettes, and even over tights for a more cool-weather-appropriate outfit. I even wore them a lot while mired in post-breakup depression, because they felt effortless and accommodating.

BH Cosmetics Smokey Eyes palette

I didn’t do full-on fancy faces as often this year as I have in previous years, because frankly, most of the time I just couldn’t be bothered. But I did buy this eyeshadow palette on the recommendation of a femme friend, and it has served me well for many dress-up occasions this year.

The deep blues and purples flatter my hazel eyes. The silvers and greys allow for striking smoky looks. The pinks fulfill my deepest femme desires. In summation: this palette rules.

BH Cosmetics spooley brush

Another great find from this cosmetics company: the best eyebrow brush I’ve ever used. I’ve written before about Anastasia Dipbrow, my go-to brow product, but I’ve neglected to mention the importance of the brush you use to apply it: Dipbrow is finicky as hell and you gotta have your tools on point. This one has a spooley (i.e. eyebrow comb) on one side and an angled application brush on the other, so I can flip back and forth quickly between shaping my brows and filling them in. I use this every day and it has made my makeup routine both more efficient and more joyful!

Danier vintage leather jacket

Leather was important to my aesthetic this year. In fact, I’m possibly developing a bit of a leather kink (she wrote, having recently fallen asleep cuddling a leather impact toy to her nose so she could smell it all night long). One of my most beloved leather possessions is a jacket I inherited from an older cousin years ago. It’s simple, sexy, and classic. And it makes me feel like a total badass.

Many times, I’ve considered upgrading to a more classic motorcycle style, but having tried on many such jackets, I think they’re boxier and more boyish than I can comfortably pull off. The blazer-esque fit of this one seems to match my aesthetic better and I like it. Although, I must say, if I ever encounter a hot pink leather biker jacket, I might have to buy it on the spot…

Lacy bralettes

There is something about cute bralettes that makes me feel adorable and put-together even if I am essentially wearing underwear in public. My favorite ones are by Aerie, as they strike a balance between aesthetics and comfort that one rarely encounters in the realm of lingerie. Most of the ones I currently own are either turquoise or pink (how predictable) so I’d like to expand my bralette color palette in the coming months. Maybe I need one in red, yellow, or black…

Animal Hair internal clitoris necklace

I bought this necklace to advertise my sex-nerdiness and it certainly does the trick. Everywhere I go, people either say, “What is that?” or “Oh my god, it’s the internal clit!” I enjoy the way its hot pink shade sets off pink lipstick and pops against all-black ensembles. Animal Hair makes a light blue one too, so I think I’m gonna expand my clit collection in the new year!

What were your favorite fashion and beauty items of 2017?

12 Days of Girly Juice: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

12 Days of Girly Juice is a year-end celebration of all things girly, sexy, pleasurable and fun. Y’all know the kind of stuff I write about: sex, relationships, beauty, fashion, self-improvement. That’s the stuff I’ll be highlighting on this here blog, in big juicy year-end lists, for all of December. Today, we begin with femme goodness. Enjoy!

 

I have the type of personality where I get obsessed with things for short periods of time and then move on. That’s especially true when it comes to objects designed to be used up, upgraded and replaced, like beauty and fashion items. (Oh, dat consumerist escalator. It never stops!!)

That said, there are some femme obsessions that endured through most or all of my 2015. Here are some of them…

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Lip Products

If I ever stop thinking Bite lipstick in “Violet” is the most beautiful hot pink I’ve ever seen, you have my permission to check my pulse to make sure I’m not dead. Because I have a feeling I’ll be in love with this babe for a very long time.

Creamy, pigmented, and long-lasting, its formula is so gloriously on-point that I can throw it on and not worry about it for the rest of the night. And the shade – somewhere between fuchsia, purple, and Jem-and-the-Holograms neon pink – lights up my whole face and just makes me feel like me.

Another favorite lip hue this year was NARS Audacious lipstick in “Charlotte.” I stalked it on swatch sites, ogled it at Sephora, mercilessly Googled it, trawled its Instagram tag. I was a girl possessed. When I finally got my hands on it, it wasn’t quite all I had hoped – it gets crumbly and patchy if I dare to drink a coffee while wearing it, let alone eat an actual meal – but that color. Oh, that color. It is the sexy cranberry of my most glamorous Christmasy dreams. I dutifully reapply as needed, even if that’s 3 or 4 times a night, because it makes me feel like a starlet in a climactic, snowy love-confession scene.

My lipstick list would not be complete without MAC’s “Fashion Revival.” It came out in MAC’s limited-edition Matte Lip collection and I SNAPPED THAT SHIT UP because it is the most, most, most perfect fall/winter color. Described as a “deep raspberry,” it’s somehow a pink with all the drama and glamor of a great red. Fuck. Yes.

While TokyoMilk Salted Caramel Lip Elixir doesn’t lend any color to my lips, I had to include it in this list because it’s been my go-to “gonna-get-kissed-tonight” product since I got it. It’s thick and moisturizing without being sticky or gross, and of course, it tastes like caramel. I’ve known a lot of boys who refuse to kiss lipsticked ladies, but it’s hard to turn down kisses from someone who tastes this good.

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Other Makeup

Laura Mercier translucent loose setting powder was a recommendation from Jaclyn Hill and I’m sure glad I listened to her. I dust this on top of my foundation with a brush, or pat it on with a makeup sponge, and it keeps my face oil-free for… well, until I next wash my face, whenever that might be. As someone whose T-zone would ordinarily make a fantastic Slip ‘n’ Slide for tiny people, I have to say this is pretty damn impressive.

MAC Liquidlast eyeliner is the real deal. Cry, walk through a rainstorm, sweat, rub your eyes, get fucked with your face buried in a pillow, and the rest of your makeup may smear but your eyeliner will still look fresh as hell. It’s gloopy and hard to apply and the brush is weird, but it’s still the only eyeliner I’ll wear if I think I might be crying, sweating, and/or having sex. Which, let’s face it, is most days.

I used to be terrified of blush, because I blush a lot as is. Tarte Amazonian Clay blush in “Natural Beauty” converted me, though. It’s super pigmented and easy to blend, and the color really does look natural. It also straddles the line between pink and red, so I can pair it with just about any lipstick. Perrrrrf.

I would be remiss to leave Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade off this list. It’s such a daily staple for me, such a given and a must-have and a “duh!” part of my beauty routine, that I almost forgot it. But it is vital to my look. My eyebrows are like Samson’s hair: without ’em, I’m nothing. Thanks, Dipbrow, for another year of power brows.

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Clothing

I’m cheating a little by lumping all my polka-dot dresses into one item on this list. OH WELL. When I look back at what clothing made me feel reeeeal femme ‘n’ fabulous in 2015, these dresses take the cake. I bought blue and black ones at Loveless Boutique, a goldmine of rockabilly gorgeousness I serendipitously discovered next door to my hairdresser’s salon one day. The green one was a thrift-store score, and makes me feel like a Scooby Doo character. Too lovely!

I’ve been obsessed with thigh-high socks for a long time, but this was the year when I started wearing them on a regular basis. Whether rainbow-striped or sporty, from American Apparel or Sock Dreams or anywhere else, I just love them. And as a bonus: in my experience, wearing thigh-highs gets you a lot of sexual attention…!

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Jewelry

If you’ve seen me in person at a sex-related event in the past few months, I’ve probably forced you to look at my vulva ring. It’s a custom job from Catstache Accessories and I’m obsessed with it. There is nothing quite like the reaction I get from people when they realize it’s a vulva… and then when I tell them it’s my vulva, specifically.

My other fave accoutrement this year was my eyeball necklace. I spotted the pendant in a display case at the Lincoln City glass studio where we made our own glass dildos, and it was so strange that I just had to have it. I threaded it onto some white suede string and now it often holds a place of honor between my breasts, staring creepily back at anyone who dares to ogle me.

 

What were your favorite beauty-and-fashion items in 2015, my loves?

Sharing the Sexy #21

Kate Sloan

• Female porn stars with and without makeup. Draven Star sans makeup is tooootally the kind of girl I would’ve had a huge crush on in high school. Or, you know, now.

• My mom forwarded me this link: vibrators can be used by actors and singers to warm up their voices. I also hear you can hold a Hitachi to your nose to clear up congestion…?

• Here is a great article for introducing trans men’s health to healthcare providers.

• Stoya writes about heteronormativity and monogamy.

• Um, people are upset because of some mannequins shaped like average women. Our culture’s confusion about the definitions of words like “overweight” and “obese” is really appalling sometimes.

• Arabelle Raphael put together this great list of self-care strategies for sex workers.

• Can a tantric awakening ruin you for other kinds of sex?

• Here is an excellent piece on that horrific Steubenville rape case we’ve been hearing so much about, and the sexism in its media coverage.

• Trans icon Kate Bornstein needs your help to pay for cancer treatment. She’s one of the sassiest, sweetest gender outlaws out there, so I highly encourage you to donate what you can to help her survive.