McElroy brothers

Monthly Faves: Temperature Play & Time Loops

Kate Sloan

It’s been a rocky month for me health-wise (I’m sure many of you can relate), but some things still made me smile and propelled me forward. Here are some faves from July…

 

Media

• I cannot express to you how much the Bad Dog Theatre’s weekly livestream of their dating-focused hit improv show Hookup improves my mood and my life. They are doing some of the most inspired, masterful improv I’ve ever seen – OVER ZOOM! EVERY WEEK! FOR FREE! (Although, you should also donate to the Bad Dog so they can stay in operation.) Also, incidentally, if you are single and would like to be interviewed for the show, they’re always looking for people like you.

• As I’ve mentioned, during the pandemic I’ve fallen back into a long-standing Pokémon preoccupation (I’ve been playing these games since about ’98-’99, YEESH). As a result, I’ve been re-watching Chuggaaconroy’s playthrough of Pokémon Crystal, and marveling at how he manages to be both hilarious and informative in every video. Apparently I am destined to have crushes on nerdy boys for ever and ever.

• The movie Palm Springs is new to Hulu and stars Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti in a Groundhog Day-esque time loop. Interestingly, although it’s a comedy with a lot of laughs, it deals with some of the darker and more haunting aspects of living in an infinite time loop (e.g. feeling suicidal, ceasing to care about your own life) in a way that reminds me of the struggle of living with depression. It’s really been a delight to watch that goofy kid from Lazy Sunday grow up into such a thoughtful and nuanced actor.

• The new edition of The Adventure Zone graphic novel series came out this month, and it happens to be the instalment in which the character named after me is featured! (Details here, if you’re curious.) As per usual for this series, I have to especially congratulate Carey Pietsch for her brilliant and expressive illustrations. I’ve been listening to these characters and their stories for so many years and it’s an oddly emotional experience seeing them translated into visual form!

• One of my favorite YouTubers, as I’ve mentioned before, is Greg of How to Drink, and he’s been doing a lot of Q&A livestreams these past few months. This recent one hit me right in the feels – it’s basically a 90-minute lecture where Greg discusses his mental health and his history in freelancing and odd jobs, and advises viewers on getting out of their shitty employment situations and starting up their passion projects. I could not look away for basically the entire duration of this video. What a charismatic man.

 

Products

• My chronic pain has been pretty much constant lately, and often pretty debilitating, resulting in lessened productivity and efficiency – so I allocated some of my book advance funds toward buying a refurbished iPad mini. I remembered hearing that Esmé Wang apparently wrote her entire last book, The Collected Schizophrenias (which is a literal work of genius), on an iPad, because her chronic illness causes fatigue and weakness that can make it difficult to sit up for long stretches. So far, the iPad, paired with a bright turquoise Adonit Mark stylus, has been a great tool for me for both work and leisure.

• I really need to write a post here about decadent loungewear in the time of COVID-19, because I’ve stepped up my lounge game quite significantly these past few months… My most recent acquisition was a black modal long-sleeved hooded onesie from MeUndies (clicking that link will apparently get you 20% off if you want anything from them). It’s currently a bit too warm here to wear it, but I’m so looking forward to spending cozy autumn days swathed in soft modal from head to toe.

• The vintage-inspired, elegantly simple Coach Rambler bag was on sale recently so I ordered one in the “hibiscus” color. I’m not normally much for small handbags but this one is actually kind of the perfect fashionable vessel for the coronavirus era… It has room enough for my wallet, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, and a book or journal, but doesn’t need to be large enough for my laptop because I’m still not going anywhere outside the home to get work done. (*cries softly into my cup of shitty instant coffee from the pantry*)

• I bought this citrus juicer a while back, solely because it was bright yellow and the other options available were boring, but my cocktail-savvy partner later told me this one is particularly good for people with strength/grip issues in their hands, like me – score! When Matt went home this month after being my live-in bartender (and, y’know, temporarily live-in beloved partner) for 4 months, it felt really empowering and uplifting to be able to make my own cocktails, even relatively complex ones. (If you’re curious about makin’ drankz, this Bartender’s Choice app is Matt’s recommendation and makes it really easy to not only find drink recipes to make but also learn about their histories.)

 

Work & Appearances

• This month on the Dildorks, we discussed conversational skills (twice), how my chronic pain interacts with sex and kink, and how Bex’s ADHD affects his dating life. Did you know next week is our TWO-HUNDREDTH EPISODE?!?

• In my newsletter, I wrote about temperature play involving ice cubes, how long-distance relationships make me feel about my body, why the iPad mini is the best device to watch porn on, being “enough” even when I don’t feel like enough, and slapping my partner’s cock until they came.

• As mentioned, I really loved the movie Palm Springs – and on one random energetic evening this month, I felt inspired to write a piece of sexy fanfiction about it, which is only the 3rd piece of fic for this movie on the entirety of AO3 as far as I can tell. I hope people write more! I sure might…

• Andy Shauf released a couple of new songs this month that were cut from his concept album The Neon Skyline, which is about a recently-dumped sadsack of a man trying to get over his ex by drinking his troubles away at a Parkdale diner with his pals. One of these B-sides, “Jeremy’s Wedding,” seems to be about the almost universally awkward experience of having to attend a wedding where your most painful ex is also a guest. I learned it on the ukulele and covered it on YouTube.

 

Good Causes

• Immigration has been, as I’m sure you know, a hot-button issue throughout the term of the current fascist and racist American president. An organization doing great work in this area is the Black Alliance for Just Immigration, which, in their own words, “educates and engages African American and Black immigrant communities to organize and advocate for racial, social and economic justice.”

• The Black Legal Action Center provides free legal assistance for low-income Black residents of Ontario, where I live. What with all the protests against police brutality lately – which, as you’ve likely seen, are infuriatingly being literally beaten down with yet more police brutality – tons of folks are getting arrested and jailed on very little basis, if any, so this is a timely cause to contribute to. (But let’s be real: given the disproportionate rates at which the legal system targets Black folks, this is always a timely cause.)

• I am thinking so much about how the pandemic and its fallout will affect the arts industries, and yeesh, y’all – it ain’t lookin’ good. The Black Art Futures Fund gives out grants “promoting the elevation and preservation of Black arts & culture” and runs largely on donations.

• Want to support a burgeoning Black-owned business? Wendy is starting a magical bath biz and could use your dollars and signal-boosts.

• My friend Sugarcunt, a fellow sex writer (and honestly one of the funniest and kindest humans I’ve ever met), is raising rent funds so they can avoid getting evicted.

Monthly Faves: Lube, Taboos, & Booze

Kate Sloan

Hi hello hi! I was depressed for a lot of this month, but I still managed to find moments of sweetness, safety and sensuality through sex. Here are some of my August faves.

Sex toys

• My partner attended a fisting workshop (aww, how romantic) and the instructors suggested using a large dildo as an intermediary while working up to a fist. We experimented with one of the biggest dildos I own, the Vixen Creations Randy, and it did indeed help a lot – though I still haven’t been able to take my partner’s entire (enormous) fist. We’re getting there, though!

• Still swooning over the Eroscillator practically every day. It’s an enduring romance.

• I know I’ve mentioned The Butters a lot lately, but I used it more this month than I’ve perhaps ever used it before, so it bears repeating. Peepshow Toys were nice enough to send tons of jars of The Butters with me to Woodhull, and I distributed most of them but kept a couple for myself. My partner managed to almost-fist me (see above) and give me a full-body massage using this lube, plus I used on him for handjobs and prostate play and a pegging sesh, and we still had tons left over. It’s so good.

Fantasy fodder

• (Content note for incest roleplay in this one.) Reasons I love my partner #57294729: we were out for dinner one night this month and I casually mentioned that I’d been having some idle fantasies about him roleplaying as my older brother, and he was instantly interested. Obviously DD/lg is a staple of our relationship, but we’d never ventured into other familial roleplays. Something about the brother/sister dynamic suddenly appealed to me, though: I liked that there would be an element of caring and caretaking, as with a daddy/daughter dynamic, but that an older brother could be a little meaner, cruder, more selfish. We tried it in a phone-sex roleplay later in the month and it was… very very good. I love how open-minded my darlin’ is.

• I’m also, more generally, thinking about D/s dynamics that can incorporate some element of bullying, coercion, and humiliation without a) forcing me to inhabit a kink role that doesn’t feel good for me or b) going so far as to be actually upsetting. My partner and I are toying with the idea of doing some kind of school-bully roleplay, but we both have shitty past experiences with mean kids (I mean, who doesn’t, honestly) so we’re going to proceed with caution, if at all. In any case, it’s fun to fantasize about!

• I keep thinking about a time earlier this month when I combined two of my favorite things: high sex and facesitting. I don’t do nearly enough of this and need to do more. The combination of intoxication with that position made me feel like I was riding off into the sunset on a tsunami of pleasure… My partner remarked afterward, with a blushing and wet face, that he had, um, enjoyed himself thoroughly.

Sexcetera

• Early this month I attended the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and it was a blast as per usual! It was lovely to speak alongside brilliant educators, spend time with pals I only get to see once a year, and introduce my partner to this wonderful world I inhabit. Thanks to everyone I met there!

• Local sexy storytelling event Tell Me Something Good was a highlight of my month, as it usually is whenever it happens. This month’s theme was butt stuff, so I got up and told a story about a giant butt plug, an act of true friendship, and a surplus of Uberlube. My brother even accompanied me to the event, because I was having a particularly abysmal mental health day and wanted to see friendly faces. I appreciate having family who are chill about me being a Weird Sex Person.

• This month we recorded and released the 100th episode of The Dildorks! So excited and proud to have created a thing that’s lasted this long and been this well-received. Thanks and love, as always, to my co-host/best pal Bex, who is truly the mac to my cheese.

Femme stuff

• Uncharacteristically, I’m enjoying subtle pink and nude lipsticks lately. They have a timeless sophistication that sometimes just turns my crank more than an eye-catching red or fuchsia. “Chai” by Bite Beauty and “Pink in the Afternoon” by Revlon are two current go-to’s.

• I discovered West Third Brand fragrances through IndieScents, and I’m so glad! They make a lot of gorgeous scents, like Vintage Leather (maybe my current favorite leather fragrance?) and Leather Rose (a slightly more feminine take on leather). Next I want to try Old Bourbon, Smoked Sandalwood, and XXX.

• Hair accessories that match your outfit are always in style, IMO. I have some rhinestoned heart barrettes that I bought like 10 years ago at a dollar store in Chinatown and they are still the perfect topper for practically any ensemble.

Media

• I visited a small café/bookstore near D.C. with my love, and spotted Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts on the shelf. I remarked that it was on my wishlist, and m’dude bought it for me, because he’s an angel. Him buying me Maggie Nelson books is a romantic tradition of ours now, I guess. I tore through this one in a matter of days; it’s about Nelson’s romance with her genderfluid partner Harry Dodge, and is full of sharp thoughts about gender, queerness, and family. I cried, let’s just say, many times.

• The first Adventure Zone graphic novel came out recently and I was overcome with emotion when I first held my preordered copy in my hands. TAZ has been an enormously important piece of media for me over the years, and I’m so glad the boyz are doing so well and continuing to make great art in podcast form.

• Mitski has a new album out, Be the Cowboy, and it’s a crash course in plucking the ol’ heartstrings through melodies and lyrics. Listen to “Nobody” – you gotta love a disco banger that starts with the line, “My god, I’m so lonely…”

Little things

Turquoise and pink luggage. Meeting Jessica Drake (she’s so nice, and introduced herself as a fan of mine! Whattt!). Kinky balcony makeouts. This amazing brunch place Sir took me to near Alexandria (how does he always find the best places to take me?! Answer: Foursquare). Sir writing on me and telling me to look at it whenever I felt anxious at the airport. A visit to the Distillery to hear Anais sing. Seeing Goodbye Honolulu play (with an unexpected cameo from Spock). Sex-blogger movie night. Getting totally absorbed in a writing project. Gossiping with Suz over drinks. A big-ass rainbow. Watching the behind-the-scenes DVD of the cast recording of The Producers with my mom (after rejecting multiple other options). Generous, kind, articulate interviewees. Powering through Deadline Day with the help of coffee and a donut. Sir copyediting me in Google Docs (swoon-o-rama). Sushi and drinks with Max, my favorite bruddy. Planning a trip to Boston with my love. Staying up late writing while listening to jazz and the rain. Getting all dressed up for a drinks-date at Civil Liberties, where they make brilliant cocktails based on vague orders like “something summery” or “something cucumber-y” or “something with ginger and cinnamon” (that last one was maybe the best cocktail I’ve ever had). Instagram flirting. Competent nerds. Hope.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 7 Bangin’ Selfies

Kate Sloan

It’s hard to pick selfies that sum up your whole year, but these are some strong contenders! (Content note: there are boobs in this post!)

Femme friends were so important to me this year, and every year. One such pal is Rosaline, a pink-haired pixie who’s always around to cheer me on and pump me up over a bottle of white wine.

We had lots of goofy adventures together this year, mostly involving pre-drinking for various parties, doing our makeup together, and then marching into said parties all flirty and long-lashed like queens. I love how my femme friends remind me of immutable truths: being a femme person in this world is hard but it is also wonderful, and femmes are even more brave and powerful than the misogynist cultural forces that aim to keep us down. I hope to continue to foster my femme friendships in 2018 and beyond.

Speaking of good friends… I didn’t get to spend as much time with Brent this year as I have in previous years, because he wasn’t in Toronto as much. But when we did hang out, we made it count: we laughed a lot over beers, played a ton of Use Your Words, and on one memorable occasion, he saved me from a bunch of pill bugs I accidentally sat on. Our friendship is strange and lovely.

The night this photo was taken, I attended Use Your Words’ Toronto launch party because I was a staff writer on the game (fancy!). Between talking, schmoozing, and playing the game, Brent and I decided to order a couple of corndogs from the bar kitchen. “Can I take a selfie of us eating these?” I asked him, to which he replied, “Only if we both put ’em in our mouths like we’re fellating them.” Stuff like this is why we’re friends.

In March, my local community discovered someone we thought we could trust was actually a misogynist shitbag, and it shook the foundations of what we thought we knew. For weeks, I felt unable to trust any men (moreso even than usual). What was the point, if any so-called feminist man could turn out to be a total garbage fire?

I had coincidentally been invited to a party later that week whose theme was “femme witch power.” We were encouraged to wear whatever made us feel feminine and powerful. I slung on a navy skater dress, rimmed my eyes in dark eyeshadow, and painted on a deep maroon liquid lipstick. At the last minute before leaving the house, I added my glass eyeball necklace, pulled my tits out of my dress, and took some fierce-faced selfies on my laptop webcam.

I didn’t feel like smiling that day. I wanted to wield my femininity and sexuality like a weapon. So I resisted the urge to pull a smile or make a “pretty” face, and just stared down the camera, fierce and unforgiving. I felt beautiful, but in a way that was just for me – not for the consumption of the abusive fuckfaces who think they can just take and take and take.

I took this while out getting ice cream with Suz and Bex before a jaunt to Tell Me Something Good, our local sexy storytelling night. It was a lovely evening out with friends, and equally wonderful was that sometime either before or after this photo was taken, someone came up to us on the street to tell us they read and loved all three of our blogs. Getting recognized in public is a special kind of thrill, and the more it happens, the more my impostor syndrome melts away and I feel like a Real Writer doing Real, Important Things!

This was taken on one of the first days I actually felt slightly cute, competent, and coherent after a breakup that totally devastated me. I like how you can see in my facial expression that I’m still kind of a mess: I’ve heard fellow depressed people describe feeling “like an alien” who can’t even tell whether their face is forming appropriate and normal facial expressions, because they’re so numb and blunted, and that’s how I felt on this day. Unsure how all my different components hung together, but attempting to make a good show of myself nonetheless. Like Tony Kushner wrote on heartbreak in his magnum opus Angels in America: “Just mangled guts, pretending.”

It’s telling that I’m wearing short shorts and have tied my shirt into a crop top. Depression makes me want to hide, but as I surface from that cave, I begin to want to show off again. Maybe just a little. Maybe still from the safety of monochromes and familiar fabrics. Bit by bit, I always come crawling back to my joy, even if it takes all the strength I can summon.

(Content note for suicidal ideations in this one, folks.) One of the most exciting events of my year was going to a My Brother, My Brother and Me live podcast recording at the Kings Theatre in Brooklyn. I first started listening to MBMBaM almost three years ago, and in that time, these boys have literally saved my life on countless occasions. When I’m too mind-numbingly depressed to be trusted with my sad thoughts in solitude, let alone to get out of bed and rejoin society, I put on a McElroy podcast. They keep me occupied until I can get back to living without wanting to die.

I went to this show by myself, because I didn’t know anyone else who was both as McElroy-obsessed as me and financially and temporally able to get to the venue. I snapped this photo quickly, self-consciously, as I stood in line amongst throngs of other fans. Moments later, when the line moved ahead and I walked into the theatre, tears burned down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe I was so physically close to these boys who had saved my life, walked me through dark days, made me laugh when nothing else could. Thankfully, no one seemed to think my weeping was weird. I bought a poster, waited in line for a radioactively green cocktail, settled into my seat surrounded by jovial strangers, and laughed the night away.

I’ll close here with a moment of genuine joy; it’s a good note to go out on.

One night earlier this month, I was on the phone with someone who makes my heart feel all fuzzy and stupid. We exchanged goofy selfies while we talked, trying to disarm each other, to feel physically close though we were not.

He had asked me about the way my hair was cut, so I shook it out to its full glory so I could capture it in a selfie. Just as I went to hit the shutter, he made some dumb joke that set off sparks in my heart, and I burst into giggles and snapped this shot. “Aw, you made me laugh mid-selfie,” I commented, looking at the result on my phone screen and trying to decide if it was too silly to send.

No, I thought. This is how I wish I looked all the time. Lost in giggly reverie.