oscillators

Review: Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen

Kate Sloan

I haven’t loved a new sex toy this much in a long time.

A long, LONG time.

Here’s how much I love this toy: I’ve barely used my Eroscillator since I got it. The Eroscillator is my all-time favorite sex toy, and is the vibe I normally use during at least 80% of my sex and masturbation sessions, because it gives me incredible orgasms unlike I’ve ever had with another toy.

Until the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.

 

One of Hot Octopuss’s classic penis vibes. Image via the company.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen? + some nerdy shit about sex toy history

Amongst sex toy geeks like myself, Hot Octopuss is primarily known for its penis vibrators, like the Pulse Solo Essential and the Pulse III Duo. These wrap around the penis and stimulate the frenulum. There are two main reasons these are notable: their motors are very fucking good (rumbly, strong, a range of settings), and they can be used whether your dick is hard or soft. This last point makes them more accessible than most penis toys for people with erectile dysfunction, and even for people with spinal cord injuries.

Hot Octopuss’s Pulse line uses a proprietary technology called PulsePlate, which offers “powerful, high-amplitude oscillations” rather than traditional vibration. Apparently the founder decided to develop this technology upon reading a study about penile vibration being used to elicit ejaculation in men with a spinal cord injury. The researchers found that “high-amplitude” vibrators were the most effective for triggering ejaculation, but the vibrator they used was a medical tool designed specifically for this purpose. Hot Octopuss decided to make a consumer product that could do the same thing.

“High-amplitude” means that the vibrator moves a wider distance on each rotation, rather than just buzzing in place – so basically, the sensation is more “rumbly” than a standard vibrator, and feels like it goes deeper than surface-level.

Naturally, since the penis and the clitoris are analogous to one another, it makes total sense that these oscillations would feel good on vulvas as well as dicks. That said, when Hot Octopuss initially launched a PulsePlate toy for vulvas – the Queen Bee, which I reviewed back in 2017 – it didn’t go well. The toy was too broad and flat to feel impactful on my clit, it weakened significantly when any amount of pressure was applied to it, and was egregiously loud. Other reviewers, like my friends Epiphora and Lilly, had similar grievances.

But the team at Hot Octopuss seems to have gone back to the drawing board after that, and what they came up with is so much better. I asked the company for clarification on the differences; according to them, here are some of the qualities the Pulse Queen ($99 at SheVibe) has, that the Queen Bee did not:

  • The PulsePlate is made of silicone this time (which is body-safe and non-porous), instead of TPE (which is porous)
  • The PulsePlate now has a 4 mm “peak” instead of just being flat, making it better at targeting the clitoris
  • The toy is smaller, lighter, and more ergonomic
  • The design/aesthetic has been updated
  • It’s quieter

One quibble, before we move on to my experience with this toy: Hot Octopuss is marketing the Pulse Queen as a wand, and it’s not really a wand. Wand vibes have a specific shape, functionality, and history as a category. The Pulse Queen is powerful like wands tend to be, sure, but it actually reminds me more of another classic vibe shape that dates back many years like the wand does. I think it’s more like a Wahl – some people say this type of vibe is gun-shaped, some say it’s hairdryer-shaped, but either way, it has a lineage in the vibrator space that you can trace back for decades, and I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Things I love about the Pulse Queen

PulsePlate technology (& killer orgasms): Okay, I won’t bury the lede any more than I already have. This thing makes me come so hard, so reliably, and so satisfyingly. Do you know how rare it is that I can say that about a toy I review? VERY RARE.

It’s all about that PulsePlate. The oscillations really do feel like they get deeper into my body than standard vibrations do. My whole clitoral network feels involved in the arousal and orgasms this toy gives me, from the surface-level parts of my clit to the deeply buried internal parts. I have the type of orgasms with this toy where I can still feel my entire clit pulsing and pleasantly aching for like 20-30 minutes afterward. Usually I only have that kind of orgasm when I use my beloved Eroscillator or an especially rumbly wand.

These oscillations also don’t numb me out like traditional vibrators do, or at least only minimally. This makes it easier for me to have multiple orgasms, since my sensitivity is preserved throughout the session/day. I’m not normally a very multiorgasmic gal, since it can take a lot of work/time for me to get off, but it’s noticeably easier with the Pulse Queen than with standard vibes.

I actually think the Pulse Queen is making me hornier, in that way that sometimes happens with new partners or especially great new sex toys. The way it rumbles my internal clit seems to make me more sensitive and more prone to random arousal during the day. Wild.

Range of intensities & modes: The Pulse Queen has 7 modes (steady oscillation + 6 patterns), each of which has 9 speeds. That’s a lot of variety and versatility.

The patterns are fine. I dunno. They’re patterns. I’m just not that into patterns. But there’s some rhythmic pulsing and some more erratic modes if you want ’em. Personally I just keep the toy on its steady mode.

The first speed is a gentle rumble that’s fantastic for building arousal early on. From there, it moves up in reasonable increments, topping out at a truly impressive, wand-like intensity. At its highest, I would say it’s comparable to the second speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable (on which I only ever use the first and second speeds). I don’t tend to go past the 6th speed out of 9 on the Pulse Queen, because it’s so rumbly that I just don’t need more power than that.

Pictured with my Switch

Ergonomics & ease of use: I find the Pulse Queen really easy to hold and use, compared to the Queen Bee and many other high-powered vibes. It’s got a slightly curved handle for comfort, and the oscillations don’t conduct into the handle too much. The buttons are easy to locate and press, and I almost never press the wrong one by accident. My hand and wrist don’t get tired when using the Pulse Queen, even if I’m moving it around my vulva a lot during a session. All of these qualities are hard to find in vibes this powerful, so as a vibrator connoisseur with chronic pain and hand strength issues, I’m a big fan of this toy.

Aesthetics: I squealed aloud at my computer when I received the initial press release about the Pulse Queen, because it’s so damn pretty. The turquoise color is one of my absolute favorites – hence having a Nintendo Switch Lite and a duvet cover that are the same color, among other things! – and I love the color-coordinated ombré button panel. It’s all really thoughtfully designed, and it looks gorgeous on my nightstand (or, more often, in my bed, at the ready!).

It’s fully fucking waterproof!!: It’s extremely rare for a vibrator this strong to also be waterproof. I love to jerk off in the bath when I get a chance, but I only have one wand I really love that’s waterproof (the Lelo Smart Wand 2), so usually I end up using smaller toys in the tub instead, like the We-Vibe Tango X. So, needless to say, I’m thrilled that the Pulse Queen is waterproof, and I’m sure it’ll be my bathtime companion on many future occasions.

 

Things I don’t love about the Pulse Queen

Battery life: The product page on the Hot Octopuss website says that the Pulse Queen “lasts for 40 minutes when fully charged – more than enough time for you to enjoy yourself again and again… and again.” It’s a bit strange to brag about a vibrator’s 40-minute battery life, when most rechargeable vibes at this price point will last for 90 minutes or more. I also personally couldn’t reach three orgasms in under 40 minutes as they describe, but hey, that’s me. I will say, however, that I think I’ve used my Pulse Queen for longer than 40 minutes in total without it dying – so maybe that number is based on usage at the highest speed; who knows.

Noise level: While the Pulse Queen definitely isn’t as loud as the Queen Bee was, it’s still loud, especially on the highest speeds. But I would say it’s comparable to the noise output of a standard wand. I live with a sex-positive roommate and (as mentioned) I also tend to use my Pulse Queen at the lower speeds for the most part, so this isn’t a huge issue for me personally, but it’s notable nonetheless.

Cissexism: I know the industry makes it difficult for sex toy companies to market their products successfully without resorting to cissexist terms like “for men” and “for women,” when anatomy-specific terms like “clitoral vibrator” or “penis vibrator” would be more appropriate. That being said, a note on the Hot Octopuss website says, “We are trans-aware and LGBTQ+ friendly. We are always learning,” and there’s even a whole “Sex Toys for Every Body” page on the site meant to help LGBTQ+ customers feel more included and heard. Given their stated commitment to gender-inclusivity, it’s confusing that Hot Octopuss chose to include the gendered term “queen” in the name of another toy when they didn’t have to. It may alienate some trans and nonbinary users who might otherwise enjoy the toy.

 

Final thoughts

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen has made me feel excited about masturbation again, in a way I haven’t for a while. The orgasms it gives me are intense, deeply pleasurable, and satisfying, and yet somehow they make me want more.

It remains fascinating to me that the technology used in this toy (and some other Hot Octopuss toys) was developed based on actual medical research. The company refers to its vibrators’ 33-hertz rate as “the pleasure frequency,” and I’m no vibration scientist, but my clit agrees.

At $99, this is a reasonably priced alternative to a wand. You should consider the Pulse Queen if any of the following things are true:

  • You like a lot of power, but have found wands numbing or overstimulating in the past
  • Issues with strength, mobility, or pain have made standard wands difficult for you to use
  • You’ve tried vibrators before, and are curious about what other sensations your body can experience
  • You’ve never used a vibrator before; the Pulse Queen’s oscillations range from mellow to maxed-out, so it’s a good introduction to vibes

I really love this toy, in a way that has made me remember why I started writing about sex toys in the first place. It makes me smile. It makes me moan. It makes me feel fired up for a future where everyone can access pleasure if they want to, regardless of their gender, anatomy, or (dis)ability level.

But most of all, it makes me come really, really hard – and given the relative scarcity of pleasure in our chaotic world right now, I appreciate that more than ever.

 

You can get the Pulse Queen at SheVibe for $99.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me this product! They didn’t pay me to review it. I really do just love it.

Mini Reviews: Zumio S, Tenga SVR, & Satisfyer Curvy 2+

Kate Sloan

In January, a business associate flew me to California to attend ANME – the Adult Novelty Manufacturers’ Expo – to do intel for a prospective sex magazine project I had been hired to co-helm. My friend and I were tasked with cruising the aisles of the event, networking with sex toy companies who might be interested in partnering with us in various ways. The project never ended up materializing (thanks, COVID!) but it was a fun experience nonetheless – and I ended up going home with a handful of new sex toys, natch! Here are a few of them…

 

The Zumio S is an update on the classic Zumio clitoral oscillator, the king of intense pinpoint stimulation. The S, as its initial might imply, is specifically designed for people with high levels of sensitivity, like me. The tip has been broadened into a small sphere – as opposed to the narrow alien-antenna shape of the original – so its speedy circular oscillation feels less intense and more diffuse. (Oscillation, incase you need a refresher, is different from vibration in that it tends to feel “deeper” and cause less of the transient numbness vibrators can create. It’s the reason my Eroscillator is still my all-time favorite clit toy, bar none.)

Normally, I would not recommend that any toy designers make a weaker version of their product, since there’s a lot you can do to mitigate a too-strong vibrator (use it indirectly, use it through fabric, use an attachment, etc.) but there’s basically nothing you can do if your vibe is too weak, other than cry and see if the store will accept a return. However, in this case, I think Zumio actually made the right call. As I noted in my review, the original Zumio felt waaaay too strong for me, sometimes even on the lowest setting, and I only ever used the first 3 settings out of 8. The revamped S is much chiller and doesn’t make my clit want to run away. I don’t even need to use it through underwear like I did with the first model.

However, as other reviewers have pointed out, the best way to use the Zumio is to hold it against the outer labia (depending on your body – your mileage may vary). When I do this, the oscillations no longer feel like they’re zapping the tip of my clit with pure, overwhelming sensation, the way the first Zumio sometimes did; instead, they travel through my skin and flesh to stimulate the whole shaft of my clit, creating a more profound type of pleasure and much more reliable and pleasurable orgasms. It’s pretty amazing that this vibe is so strong it can get me off through two layers of labia; usually it’s only powerhouse wand vibrators that can do that.

Reviewers’ opinions are all over the map on this, but my general impression is that the Zumio S would be the best choice for the majority of people. If you really, really like intense and targeted clitoral stimulation, maybe the Zumio X or newly-released Zumio E is more your style – but if you’ve ever felt clitorally overwhelmed by a vibe, odds are good the S would be better suited to you. These toys are on the expensive side – $140 Canadian, less in the States – so if you’re at all uncertain about liking pinpoint stimulation, I’d skip ’em and go with a more universally appreciable choice like the Tango or even a Magic Wand. The Zumio line of toys is best for people who really, really adore intensely targeted clit stim – which isn’t always me, but when that’s what I want, I gotta have a Zumio.

 

I forget whether it was Bex or Kevin Patterson who first turned me on to the Tenga SVR – both of them proselytize this vibe on the regular – but in any case, I’m glad I finally got to try one out. This rechargeable vibrator is technically a cock ring, and sure, you could use it that way… but its shape and motor are such that it also works plenty great on clits. Its best-known “alternate use” is for fingerbanging (ideally fingerbanging other people, though if you’re flexible you could try it on yourself): slip your fingers through the silicone loop and vibrations will transmit through them, even while they’re inside somebody, while the rest of the vibrator can rumble wonderfully against their clit or perineum.

You know how almost every vibrator claims in its marketing copy that it’s powerful, rumbly, quiet, discreet, travel-friendly, and versatile? The Tenga SVR actually is those things. The motor fucking rules: it’s got a great bassy undercurrent of rumbliness that creeps into slightly buzzier territory as you ascend into the heights of its 5 steady speeds, but it’s never the type of annoying, desensitizing buzziness that makes my clit want to cry. The silicone is really soft and sexy to the touch, and easy to clean, especially since the toy is waterproof. This is an easy vibe for me to hold and operate, even when my hands are hurting, because its one button is easy to locate and press, and sliding my fingers through the loop ensures I won’t lose my grip on the toy. Most thoughtfully, the SVR comes with a small, plain plastic storage case that protects it from lint and dust when you toss it in your bag – and it is definitely the type of vibrator I like to toss in my bag, whether for a quick booty-call across the city or an international flight.

In the world of vibrators, the SVR often gets overshadowed by Tenga’s other offerings, many of which look like characters from My Neighbor Totoro. But the SVR is no less good for being so comparatively understated. Rather than blow their design budget on bells and whistles, with this toy Tenga opted to focus on what actually matters in a vibrator (in my view, anyway): power, ergonomics, and versatility. Kudos!

 

Finally, let’s talk about the Satisfyer Curvy 2+… I received this as-yet-unreleased toy in a swag bag at ANME and it seems it still hasn’t been released in North America yet, over 6 months later. It is, however, available from some international shops, so maybe it’ll make its way over here eventually.

Like all the toys Satisfyer is best known for, the Curvy 2+ uses “Air Pulse technology” to create a clitoral sensation that feels like the exact middle point between receiving cunnilingus from a robot and rhythmically pumping the world’s weakest clit pump. However, this one’s a bit different, for two main reasons: Firstly, it can be controlled via Satisfyer’s smartphone app (which I didn’t test, because I’m sick to death of vibrator apps, but I know some folks love ’em), and secondly, if you flip the toy around, you can use the “handle” as a vibrator. It’s designed for G-spot stimulation, but honestly, with the toy being as short and stout as it is, it’s hard for me to get enough leverage for the type of thrusting my G-spot tends to crave. I do like the curve, though, and sometimes after a clitoral-only masturbation session the likes of which I’ll often have with a Satisfyer, it’s nice to have the option of some penetration to round out the sesh, without needing to break out an additional toy if I don’t feel like it.

The controls of this vibe are somewhat confusing, and even after using it multiple times, I still sometimes can’t figure out how to get it to do what I want. It makes me miss the days when controlling Satisfyer toys was as simple as pressing one button. But if you could master the controls (which probably entails not throwing away the instructions like I did when I assumed the toy would soon be released and would have its manual posted online in PDF form), it would improve your experience a lot, as they allow you to independently control the toy’s vibrations and air pulses.

As you may know, I’m not a fan of sex toy companies stealing other sex toy companies’ designs, and Satisfyer has been particularly egregious on this front. Their “Air Pulse” toys borrow technological innovations that were (as far as I’m aware) developed by Womanizer, but usually they at least put their own design flair on ’em – I still think the Satisfyer Penguin is one of the cutest and best-designed toys in this category. Even less acceptably, though, Satisfyer has also blatantly ripped off vibrator designs from Fun Factory. They don’t seem like a terribly scrupulous company.

I’m (reluctantly) recommending the Curvy 2+ mainly because it’s one of the less expensive actually-decent-quality options available (about $50 USD or $60 CAD – I don’t have exact numbers) in this category of toys, and financial accessibility is important. But do keep in mind that one of the reasons Satisfyer’s able to keep their prices down so low is, I would imagine, the lack of need to spend money on research and development, since they’re so routinely yoinking designs and technology from other companies. But if you deeply desire a pressure-wave toy, need it to be affordable, and live in an area where this one is available, you could do a whole lot worse… in every way except for ethics, that is.

 

Thanks so much to the folks at Zumio, Tenga, and Satisfyer for providing these products for me to review!

Review: Hot Octopuss Queen Bee

Kate Sloan

Imagine you met a guy at a party and, after a few minutes of cordial conversation, he kept loudly insisting on his brilliance as a cunnilinguist. “I have a supremely talented mouth. I can get anyone off,” he would sneer, with just enough enthusiasm that maybe you’d believe him a little bit, especially if it was late and you were a bit intoxicated and perhaps it had been a good while since anyone had even attempted to get you off.

Imagine, then, that you took him back to your place, removed your clothes, and set him loose on your junk so he could prove his claim. And he then proceeded to blow raspberries all over your vulva – making a loud and ridiculous noise, barely even grazing your clit, and certainly not getting you off. Imagine how you would laugh, as he continued to smile up at you in that unwarranted cocky manner.

This is more-or-less how I feel about the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee. It makes a whole lot of claims it cannot support. And, to add insult to injury, it makes a noise the likes of which cannot be ignored.

The Queen Bee is a new clitoral stimulator roughly the shape and size of a hairbrush. It uses “PulsePlate technology,” whereby the one of the flat sides of the “hairbrush” pounds in and out quickly, creating oscillation rather than vibration. “Although oscillators are commonplace in the medical world, Hot Octopuss is the first to bring this technology to the sex toy market,” the company’s website brags, though this flat-out isn’t true; the Eroscillator has been doing the oscillation thing, and much more effectively, for many years.

Oscillation’s claim to fame is that it supposedly produces deeper, stronger orgasms than vibration, and doesn’t tend to cause desensitization the way vibrations sometimes can. These claims, in my experience, are true of the Eroscillator – the orgasms I have with it are legitimately like nothing else I’ve felt – but with the Queen Bee, not so much. Its PulsePlate is too broad for me, kissing my entire vulva rather than zeroing in on my clit – and while I sometimes enjoy this broadness with, say, a wand vibrator, it doesn’t work so well on an oscillating toy. I have to focus hard to even detect that my clit is being stimulated. I would imagine this would be doubly true for folks with smaller clits and/or fleshier labia than mine.

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that the Queen Bee’s oscillation significantly slows and weakens as soon as any pressure is applied to the toy. I’m used to this with my Eroscillator: I tend to press it against my body early in a session and then ease up as I continue, allowing it to oscillate more intensely when I’m ready for that. But the oscillations in the Queen Bee are dampened to an almost laughable degree when the toy encounters any pressure. Unless you like holding your sex toys so they only graze your junk with the most feather-light touch, you probably won’t get much out of the Queen Bee.

On top of all that, this toy makes an egregious, unforgivable amount of noise. It’s so loud, I hesitate to use it past 9PM lest I wake my neighbors. It’s so loud, I can’t bring myself to use it when my roommate is home, even if she’s across the apartment listening to Beyoncé at full blast. It’s so loud, I have to turn the volume on my porn way up while I’m masturbating with it, or else wear noise-canceling headphones. It’s so loud, I can’t imagine using it with a partner without both of us dissolving into intractable giggles. It’s so loud, turning it on for even a few seconds makes me feel embarrassed to exist.

Are you getting the picture yet? The Queen Bee is very fucking loud. And it’s not an inoffensive, vague whirring either. It’s a rhythmic, mechanical pounding that seems to scream, “I am using a VIBRATOR!!!” I am reminded of a prank my dad once pulled at his office where he emailed a surreptitiously-named MP3 to some colleagues which, when they opened it, shouted through their speakers, “Hey, everybody; I’m watching PORNO in here!!” The Queen Bee rivals that for its embarrassment-to-amusement ratio.

I have more complaints about the Queen Bee. The buttons that are difficult to locate and press in a hurry. The unnecessarily gendered name and marketing. The claim that the non-pulsating side of the toy is in fact a feature, ideal for “gentle warm-up massage,” rather than the equivalent of holding the handle of a wand vibe against your clit for shits and giggles. But really, my main sources of beef with this toy are its false claims of originality, its tendency to give up the ghost under pressure, and that godawful, inexcusable noise.

If I wanted to eke an orgasm out of something that neither lived up to its ostentatious claims nor complied with noise bylaws, I’d just fuck that guy from the party whose loud and ineffectual cunnilingus was his proudest achievement.

 

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Queen Bee to try! Should you want to buy a Queen Bee, you can find it at Peepshow and SheVibe.