Behind the Seams: Romance in New York

Up for some fashion-related fun, to distract us all from… the world? Here’s some of what I’ve been wearing lately…

This first outfit is the one I was wearing when mb proposed to me, late last month. They picked it out themselves, modelling it almost exactly after what I was wearing on our first date. It was a great pick, because – as one would want for the night one gets engaged – it made me feel both beautiful and comfortable. Score!

The full-length photo was taken at the High Line about 5 minutes before they proposed. We stopped in front of an archway that was there as some kind of public art installation, and snapped some pics. I’m glad we have them now – they’re part of the history of our marriage! The other two photos were taken about an hour later at the outdoor rooftop bar where we went to celebrate post-proposal. In one of them, I’m on the phone with my mom to give her the good news – and we’re both probably about to burst out crying, natch!

What I’m wearing:

  • Black and red floral-print dress – bought at H&M years ago for $15
  • Black leather jacket – a hand-me-down from my cousin many years ago; the brand is Danier Leather and I really need to either replace it or get it repaired, because the lining is absolutely in tatters at this point from too much wear
  • Pins on my jacket: the Lickability logo, a spanking pin from Kinktionary, and a rainbow “she/her” pronoun pin from Pineapple Pinup Creations
  • Red and black cherry-print fabric mask – bought from the Etsy seller FickleFaerie back in April; I’ve bought/owned several more masks in the interim but this is the one I wear most often because it goes with most of my wardrobe
  • Blue leather heart collar – custom piece from L’Amour-Propre
  • Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – I “made” mb buy this for me from the Coach online outlet as a recent financial domination task, and I’ve been carrying it everywhere; it’s so cute, and the strap is removable, so you can carry it as a clutch/wristlet too!
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Nails: Revlon’s “To the Chapel” (pale turquoisey-blue) topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones” (silver glitter) – I started growing out my nails weeks in advance because I knew I was gonna want to take lots of ring pics like an Instagram basic bitch, LOL
  • …& of course, my then-brand-new engagement ring, which is a Tiffany & Co. aquamarine Soleste ring with two little diamond halos – swoon-o-rama!

I wore this for an outdoor dinner date on a restaurant patio. It’s been interesting to observe all the various changes that restaurants have made in order to serve guests as safely as they can during this challenging time. My comfort level with dining out has gone up and down repeatedly throughout this pandemic as the case rates have waxed and waned (especially when I was back in Toronto where the rates have generally been lower), but during the periods when I’ve felt able to do it in good conscience, I’ve been glad to be able to help support local businesses in this way. It’s also been a rare opportunity to dress up and actually be seen by somebody… other than my internet friends/followers, that is. (Hi, I love you!)

What I’m wearing:

  • Black and silver glittery dress – H&M years ago
  • No bra, even though this dress really calls for one, because I was having the kind of chronic illness day where putting on a bra made me feel physically ill, so I took it off immediately (“No one’s going to make you wear one,” said mb; “I’m certainly not going to!”)
  • Black V-neck cashmere cardigan – the Gap; worn to death because it truly goes with everything and is soooo cozy
  • Silver key & lock necklace – the lock is from L’Amour-Propre and has “Daddy’s” engraved on it; the key unlocks mb’s current fave chastity cage (which they were wearing at the time); the chain is from Roma and was a gift from mb because my previous one was extremely cheap and tarnished
  • Black leggings – American Eagle
  • The same fabric mask, harness boots, and black leather clutch as above

Since I’ve been staying in New York, I’ve been living out of a suitcase and not dressing very interestingly… so I was delighted when Shinesty reached out to ask if I’d like to be sent any of their pieces. They’re mostly known for their delightfully loud holiday prints on suits, dresses, and blazers, but my interest was immediately piqued when I spotted their selection of jumpsuits.

I’m not normally a “jumpsuit person,” per se, but I had a feeling this one would work, for some reason… and it does! I’m 5’4″ and usually a size 12, so I asked for a size L, and it fits great. The pant legs are basically capri-length on the tall models on the website, but on li’l old me, they’re nearly ankle-length – perf. The waist seam also hits me right at my actual waist, so the overall effect is very flattering. Plus – although you can’t really tell in these photos – this jumpsuit is surprisingly cleavage-y! It would be especially so if I could bring myself to wear a damn bra…

What I’m wearing:

  • Snowflake jumpsuit – Shinesty (they also sent me one that’s candy-cane print, but I haven’t tried it on yet)
  • Pale blue/seafoam cashmere cardigan – made by Autumn Cashmere and bought lightly used from TheRealReal to wear over my wedding dress (I will do a wedding outfit post eventually, just waiting on the photos!)
  • Rainbow striped glasses – from Zenni’s Pride collection (I love them!!)
  • Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick
  • Same bag & boots as above

What have you loved wearing recently, babes? (It’s fully okay if the answer is “exclusively comfy T-shirts/lounge pants/slippers/etc.” – trust me, I feel you.)

P.S. Want to see more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!

What to Wear on Valentine’s Day

Not to get too Hallmark on you, but I kind of love Valentine’s Day. Unlike when I was younger, my enjoyment of this weird invented holiday no longer depends entirely on my partnered-vs.-non-partnered status at the time (although that is a factor) – mostly I just view Feb. 14th as an opportunity to celebrate the very notion of love. And what better way to do that than by dressing like a walking embodiment of romance?

As you can see from the collage of my past Valentine’s outfits above, there are some common themes in my overall philosophy for Valentine’s Day dressing… While you are (obviously) not in the least obligated to follow any of these directives, here are my core commandments for assembling a Valentine’s outfit, whether your plan is an over-the-top candlelit dinner with your sweetheart, a raucous “Galentine’s” celebration with some friends, or a solo hangout at home watching rom-coms!

Pink and red are key. The way I see it, this is literally the only day of the year when pink and red don’t look overly cutesy together. (Or rather, they do, but that’s the point.) Comb your wardrobe for anything pink or red and figure out how you can pair various items. You can go as subtle or as bright as you like – though of course, I favor a loud and proud aesthetic!

Go wild with hearts. This, again, is the only day of the year when you can wear as many heart-themed items as you want and people will think it’s… slightly less weird than they might otherwise. 😂💖 Tarina Tarantino does the best heart-shaped jewelry (unless you have Tiffany’s money, but honestly, I’ll take a flashy giant rhinestoned heart over a small understated silver one any day), and typing “heart” into the search bar of any clothing or accessories website will bring up a lot of cute stuff. Also great: anything floral-print or polka-dotted.

Choose romantic fabrics. What does this mean? Well, that’s up to you. I think some fabrics are traditionally coded as delicately feminine and thus romantic, like tulle, chiffon, and lace. But sensual fabrics like velvet, silk, and satin carry their own romanticism as well. Anything swishy and/or soft to the touch is a good pick. (And hey, if you’re a kinkster comme moi, maybe leather and latex are the most romantic materials you can think of!)

Dress to match your partnerif you have one and you’re both into that! What would normally seem ridiculous can just seem sweet on Valentine’s. Dressing in sync can be a visual manifestation of your luuuv.

Hide something fun underneath. Even if you’re not much for high-end hosiery and luxury lingerie (and I don’t blame you – that stuff’s expensive and high-maintenance, though it is beautiful), you could still delight your partner (or yourself) with some Valentine-y undergarments of some kind. MeUndies makes adorable matching heart-print underwear sets every year that are definitely worth a look!

Wear what your partner thinks you look hot in. This one is fully, 100% optional, because 1) you might not even have a partner, 2) you might not trust or prefer their aesthetic tastes over your own, and 3) you might not even know what they like you in, especially if it’s a new-ish relationship. But say your sweetie has told you they love you in striped stockings, or a well-fitting suit, or peeptoe heels, or with your hair slicked back – there’s no better occasion to wow your love with your choice of ensemble.

Go all out with your makeup, if you wear makeup (or if you don’t regularly wear it but want to on Valentine’s!). I like a classic smoky eye and red lip – that’s what feels the most romantic to me – but if you’ve got shimmery pink eyeshadow, or big fluttery false lashes, or iridescent pink lipstick, or stick-on hearts and cosmetic glue, by all means, use ’em! Be sure to consider longwear formulations if you’ll be out late and/or you plan on doing some kissin’.

Keep the weather in mind, because – while I do want you to look and feel excellent – in many places, it is snowy and/or freezing in February! Maybe you don’t want to be skidding around in your sky-high suede heels, or shivering sullenly in your translucent tights. If you must be impractical (and I get it), at least throw on a warm scarf and great coat when you go out, and maybe switch from boots to pretty shoes when you get where you’re going. Fashion is fun, but it’s not worth getting frostbite or a broken ankle for!

Wear what you feel sexy and gorgeous in. You can ignore every other rule here if you want, but this one is vital! Whether you’re making heart-eyes at your sweetie across a restaurant table, giggling with friends over a tipsy game of Spin the Bottle, or lounging solo at a cocktail bar with your favorite romance novel, you’re gonna wanna feel like a babe – whatever that means to you personally. Think about the times when you’ve felt your hottest/prettiest/handsomest and try to incorporate some elements from those past looks into your present one.

What do you plan on wearing for Valentine’s Day?

Behind the Seams: Couples’ Edition

I’ve always enjoyed the thought of dating someone whose personal style mattered to them, whose grooming and aesthetic were joyful components of their life rather than just perfunctory choices. I admired couples who posed together for chic outfit photos on my favorite lifestyle blogs, and occasionally tried to match my ensemble to my beaux’. This wasn’t just vanity for me – a couple’s outward coordination feels to me like a manifestation of their inward coordination (though of course this isn’t the case for everybody). Matching felt like a love language. Dressing up to delight a partner felt like an act of sweet service.

I’m fortunate that my partner now agrees with me on these points, and we love to go on fancy dates together dressed in outfits that subtly reference each other’s (and also sometimes get us free drinks). Here are some of my faves we’ve worn lately…

December 13, 2019

For our two-year anniversary, we packed up our stuff for a brief staycation at Toronto’s beautiful Broadview Hotel. I’d watched its construction with eager fascination years ago (it was built from a broken-down and legendary old strip club called Jilly’s) but had never stayed there, so I was excited to check it out.

After getting very pretty, we went to the hotel’s rooftop bar for a drink, and then to Michael’s on Simcoe for a magnificent steak dinner. I made our waiter cry by thanking him for correctly gendering my partner. It was a good night.

mb is wearing:

  • Grey suit – Suitsupply
  • White collared shirt
  • Blue/pink/silver tie – vintage Emilio Pucci and was one of my birthday gifts for them the previous year (I love Pucci!!)
  • Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds
  • Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush”

I am wearing:


December 30, 2019

For mb’s 29th birthday, we went out with a bunch of their pals for a huge prix-fixe meal at a fancy Japanese restaurant, followed by cocktails at Kind Regards. I felt so surrounded by love and joviality all night!

mb is wearing:

  • Pink blazer – thrifted earlier that day at a Goodwill in Manhattan; we were shopping for fancy vintage clothes to wear to a different party (see below) and I saw this, gasped, and MADE them try it on – doesn’t it look amazing?!
  • White collared shirt
  • Blue/purple/pink tie – also vintage and also a gift from me last year; this one’s by Express Design Studio
  • Black jeans, I think?
  • Black and gold “Please use they/them pronouns” pin

I am wearing:

  • Black sparkly velvet halter dress – Forever 21 a few years ago
  • Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
  • Black leggings – H&M
  • Black harness boots – Frye (an anniversary gift from mb)
  • My collar again

Photo by Scott Stanger

January 4, 2020

In late 2018 I met the great Tara Isabella Burton after I read her first book and she interviewed me about kink for her second. This year, she invited mb and I to her “unwedding“: a black-tie party meant to celebrate her not getting married. The dress code said “as extra as possible” and we took that to heart.

The party was wild. I swilled prosecco and cocktails, exchanged cringey ex stories with a brocade-clad bartender, debated modern movies with a film critic, watched a YouTube-famous chef swing-dance to a live jazz band, met (and kissed) a beautiful litigator, met (and kissed) a flirtatious professor, wobbled around in my heels, and just generally had a raucous good time. Congrats to Tara on “not getting married today“!

mb is wearing:

  • Blue velvet blazer – J. Crew (I SHRIEKED when I saw this; as has previously been discussed, I have feelings about velvet)
  • White collared shirt
  • Charcoal grey suit pants – also J. Crew
  • Red and navy tie – also J. Crew
  • Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds

I am wearing:

  • Red lace dress – vintage via my mom; she bought it in the early ’80s to cover a Phantom of the Opera premiere for Global TV, and it miraculously fits me perfectly
  • Blue satin Christian Louboutin peeptoe pumps – a gift from mb, bought vintage from TheRealReal at 75% off the original price
  • Blue tulle hair clip – a gift from my friend Eric years ago
  • Silver sparkly clutch – bought vintage for $10 from the now-defunct Melanie’s Closet in Kensington Market in 2007
  • My collar again

Do you ever dress to match your partner(s)?

5 Types of Lingerie to Incorporate Into Regular Outfits

Lingerie, like manicures and 9-step skincare routines, is one of those things I’ve always wished I was more into than I actually am. It seems like an important hallmark of a certain type of femme presentation, one I long to embody but just can’t be bothered to pursue most of the time. After all, lingerie is expensive, sometimes cumbersome, and not even guaranteed to be seen by many people – so when I have a little spare cash to spend on feminine treats, usually I’ll go for a new dress or lipstick in lieu of a new bustier or garter belt.

That said, I’ve read a couple of articles lately on incorporating sexy-wear into your everyday ensembles – this one by Rae and this one by Cora – and it got me thinking about the few types of lingerie I do like to wear, often outside the confines of my bedroom (scandalous!). Here are some of them…

Slips

I love slips, and their closely related cousins, babydolls and chemises. Not all of them are long enough – or opaque enough – to don as outerwear, but when I find one that is, I immediately start plotting outfits.

As you can see in these photos, you can wear a slip in various different ways to make it look like a dress, a skirt, or a shirt, depending on what you layer over top of it. It can appear casual with a T-shirt thrown over it, or you can emphasize the ornate formality of a lacy slip by pairing it with tights and heels. A cardigan is a good happy medium between the two: it “dresses down” your slip a little, so you don’t look like the weirdo who showed up to a frat party in fine silks (although: you do you!).

I particularly like to wear slips in the summer, when “real clothes” can feel oppressively excessive. They can look like a fully thought-out outfit when worn with ballet flats and maybe a coordinating hair accessory, but they’re actually super easy and quick to put on, and comfortable enough to wear all day.

One tip: since slips are intended to be underwear, they don’t always conceal stuff like nipples and panty lines very effectively. For this reason, you might want to layer an additional slip or half-slip underneath, or a bodysuit.

Bodysuits

Speak of the devil… There are tons of gorgeous bodysuits in the world that are only supposed to be worn behind closed doors. Fuck that! If a piece of clothing I own is beautiful, I want to wear it outside, dammit. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to make these items more appropriate for public wear.

My favorite way to do this is to tuck a pretty bodysuit into a high-waisted skirt or a pair of jeans. You’ll probably want to wear a bra or bralette underneath to prevent flashing people, and this admittedly isn’t an appropriate type of outfit for, say, a church service or your grandmother’s potluck luncheon, but it’s a super eye-catching style that makes me feel like a total babe.

Pro tip: when shopping online for lingerie you intend to wear outdoors, always check out the loungewear section first. In my experience, it tends to contain the most street-appropriate bodysuits, camisoles, slips and chemises you’ll find anywhere on the site.

Bikini tops

I think I originally picked this up from teen magazines in my youth and it’s never really left me… If you’re wearing a high-waisted garment on your bottom half, and don’t mind showing some skin, you can get away with wearing a bikini top as a sort of abbreviated crop top. It’s not the most mature or sophisticated look – it makes me feel like a blonde PacSun model circa 2003 – but it works for some casual summery occasions.

If subtlety is more your style, you can also wear a bikini top under a dress or shirt, like a bra (see the rightmost outfit pictured). They usually peek out a little bit, offering a visually appealing flash of color or sparkle, and giving you the air of someone who’s ready for beach adventures at a moment’s notice. Of course, if you do intend on dropping by a beach/lake/pool/whatever, it’s nice to be prepared in the chicest way possible.

Garter belts and stockings

These are usually too finicky for me to bother with, but it’s nice to have them in your toolkit for when you want to feel really sexy and fancy. While currently mostly relegated to the sphere of the bedroom, garter belts and stockings used to be daily-wear items for women in the mid-century and beyond. They add some timeless panache to your ensemble when they peek out the bottom of a skirt or dress.

If a garter belt is too much work for you (and I truly don’t blame you), look for “stay-up” or “hold-up” stockings, which usually have some kind of sticky material on the inside of the cuff to keep them from sliding down your thighs. Genius!

Corsets and bustiers

I wore these in high school when I would go to see Rocky Horror, and they were the ideal thing, styled with shiny skirts, high-heeled boots, and ever-present fishnet tights. But let’s face it: that’s not exactly office attire.

A beautiful corset or bustier under a blazer might be, though, especially if you’re also wearing an elegant skirt or pair of pants, plus ideally heels. A lot of high-end fashion houses have even pulled inspiration from the realms of lingerie and fetishwear in recent years (and, well, recent decades), so – depending on your field – it may not be that weird for your outfit to contain a pop of lace or silk or corsetry. You might even look like the most fashionable person there!

Do you like to incorporate lingerie items into your everyday outfits? How do you do it?

 

This post was sponsored by the fine folks at Honey Gifts, which has a robust lingerie section containing all sorts of lovely and luxurious items!

Behind the Seams: Fetishwear & Mean Girls

September 29th, 2018. A new-ish dungeon space in my city was having a hypnokink play party, and my Sir encouraged me to go. This is normally the kind of thing that would activate my anxiety a lot – and, indeed, it did – but, as per usual, having been instructed to do it anyway by my beloved dom made me feel better equipped to overcome my fears.

The event dress code said “fetishwear or all-black,” which I and the femme friend I invited both found daunting yet doable. I got dolled up, then trekked uptown to meet my friend walking-distance from the venue so we could head over together.

It ended up being pretty low-key and fun. We’re both on the shy side, so we didn’t play with anyone or even really talk to anyone, but we had a lot of fun sitting on the sidelines and catching up on each other’s lives while intermittently watching some of the scenes that happened. We didn’t see any hypno, but then, it can be a tough kink to spot. Instead, several impact scenes unfolded in front of us, including one that also featured rope suspension, forced orgasm play, and a mega-hot domly dom in a suit. Woof.

At the end of the night, I took a bus home, got McDonald’s as per my Sir’s instructions, and told him all about the party over the phone. Pretty sweet night out, all in all.

What I’m wearing:
• Hair in little buns
• Black skater dress – H&M
Pink leather chest harness – Stockroom
• Pink and white striped kneesocks – American Apparel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Eyeshadow and lipstick – the Sugarpill Oh Honey! collection


October 2nd, 2018. I wore this to Tell Me Something Good, the monthly sexy storytelling event I love so much. My Sir chose my outfit, as he often does when I go to events.

The theme was open, so the stories told that night were a wild grab bag: a first sapphic experience, a chance meeting on a Megabus, ableism on dating apps, awkward Pride celebrations with homophobic parents, being outed by nosy bosses, and more. I sipped a double whiskey on the rocks and laughed/gasped all the way through the night.

I told a story too: the tale of my first knifeplay scene with Dick, way back in December of last year. I figured it was an appropriately scary story for this October event. I can’t believe I’d never told that one at TMSG before!

What I’m wearing:
• Orangey-red heart-print dress – CowCow
• Black Danier leather jacket
• Blue suede collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black leather Coach Station handbag – vintage on eBay many years ago
• Black leather Frye engineer boots
• Revlon Fire & Ice lipstick (a classic, a legend)


October 3rd, 2018. October 3rd is Mean Girls Day and it was also a Wednesday – so, obviously, I wore pink.

My regular Frye harness boots had cracks in the soles so egregious that my socks got soaked when I walked in them on rainy days, so I’d set them aside for the time being. That meant that my rainbow glitter Doc Martens got to see the light of day again.

I wore this outfit to a local café to do some dayjob work, and then back home to write this post.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink T-shirt – Gap (it needs to be ironed!)
• Black Danier leather jacket
• Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (current fave jewelry item)
• Black leggings – H&M
• Rainbow glitter Dr. Martens – Urban Outfitters a while ago