I’m a Taurus, which – according to many astrological authorities – means I am a born pleasure seeker. We Taureans are supposedly prone to seeking out magnificent foods, lounging in comfy clothes, pursuing mind-blowingly raucous sex, and just generally chasing “the finer things” in life. If you ever need advice on how to bring more sensual pleasure in your world, ask a Taurus!
On that note… today I have 10 suggestions for non-sexual ways to make your life more pleasurable. In a world like this, we need (and deserve) all the joy we can find. Here are some methods you could try…
1. Deepen your social connections and make new ones.
Okay, everyone likes to socialize in different ways, and feels juiced up by slightly different methods of socializing, so here are a bunch of suggestions you can take or leave. Invite a Facebook acquaintance to an improv show. Have brunch with your mom. Start throwing a monthly potluck dinner party for your friends and people you wish were your friends. Vow to eschew all shallow small-talk on Tinder and jump right into the deep end with every match. Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you at the bar, if they seem open to that. Go to local meetup groups for your various interests and hobbies. Invite some of your Twitter mutuals over for board games. Ask the dude at the coffee shop what he’s reading and whether it’s any good. Text an old friend and ask them how they’re doing.
Humans are social creatures, and even if you revel in your alone time (god knows I do), your brain might benefit from the boost of good neurotransmitters you can get from a positive social interaction. Look for ways to further infuse your life with what is, for you, a joyful-yet-manageable amount of socializing!
2. Upgrade the sensory details in your home. (Thanks to Kaja – @KajaEcho on Twitter – for this suggestion!)
I’m not asking you to buy a Ladurée candle and velvet bedsheets, although… you do you! Even on a budget, it’s possible to make small changes to the way your space looks, feels, smells, and sounds. Put up some printed photos of you and your loved ones. Mix a little lavender oil into your evening bath. Fall in love with some new musical artists and play them through a Bluetooth speaker while you fold laundry. Rearrange some furniture so your home feels fresh again. Put up some fairy lights to give your space some cozy charm. Change your laundry detergent to a new scent that makes you happy. Stock up on delicious teas and cute mugs to drink them out of.
These upgrades might seem small, but they can change the way you experience your home and your life. Try some stuff out and see what sticks!
3. Learn something new.
When you fall down a WIkipedia rabbit hole, or pick up a new musical instrument, or start practicing a new language, not only do you expand your mind and your skillset – you also potentially activate “flow state,” a mental space where focus and enjoyment combine with the pleasure of feeling challenged. Regularly being “in the zone” like this is linked to better moods and increased overall satisfaction with life.
Pursuing new skills and knowledge can also make you feel more capable and empowered, and that’s a pleasurable feeling!
4. Laugh more.
This has major effects neurochemically, so while it’s not strictly true that “laughter is the best medicine,” it can certainly help!
Your city (or a city near-ish you) probably has improv or sketch shows you could go to. Netflix overflows with stand-up comedy specials. Lots of people online are making hilarious and under-discovered videos and podcasts. Plus you probably have at least one incredibly funny friend who you haven’t talked to in a while. As the McElroy brothers would say, “Fill your life with laughter and love!”
5. Enjoy food and drink more deeply. (Feel free to skip this section if food and/or drink stuff is triggering or upsetting for you for whatever reason.)
When I polled people on Twitter about their favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure, this was one of the big themes that emerged. Many people deeply enjoy not only consuming fine foods and drinks, but also the processes of making them, learning about them, and/or serving them.
How could you dig deeper into whatever pleasure you already get from food and drink? Would it excite you to take a cocktail-making class? To tour the best Mexican restaurants in your city? To learn to bake a cheesecake from scratch? Would mealtime feel more decadent if you had some new plates and bowls? Would you enjoy your evening glass of wine more if you took some time to learn about wine-tasting? Is your go-to favorite pasta recipe in need of a new flavor profile? Lean into any preexisting passions you have in this area and see how far they can take you.
6. Let art awe you.
When I think about all the art out there that I’ve never seen, or even heard of, it makes my head spin! You never know when you’re going to discover your next favorite movie/book/band. Art can change your life and your whole worldview – or it can just cheer you up on a sad day.
If you’re not sure where to start, ask some trusted friends for recommendations, or peruse lists online of “The Best 100 [Memoirs/Concept Albums/Romantic Comedies/Whatever] of All Time.” Keep an open mind and let all the beauty and brilliance wash over you.
7. Keep track of your pleasure patterns.
The question “What makes me feel good?” might seem fairly easy to answer – but the thing is, you only know what you’re consciously aware makes you feel good. There could be lots of things that bring you great joy and comfort but that you haven’t explicitly identified as such.
Keeping a “pleasure diary” of sorts would be a good way to figure this out. Next time a day or moment feels really good, take the time to make a note of the factors involved – who you were with, what you were doing, what was going on around you – and see, after a while, if you notice any patterns. This information will be useful in shaping your life to better suit you.
8. Spend more time in nature. (Thanks to Jaimee – @jaimeebell_ on Twitter – for this suggestion!)
I’m a pretty “indoorsy” girl, so I often forget this, but connecting with the natural world can be really uplifting. I love taking long walks while listening to podcasts. An ex of mine always felt better after a bike ride to the beach. A writer I admire tries to make time each day to stand barefoot on the earth. It might sound very woo-woo, but somehow, our petty human problems seem smaller in the face of our planet’s massiveness and beauty. Spend some time near water, or trees, or mountains, or even just urban botanical gardens. It’s cheerifying in a completely different way than, say, marathonning a TV show on your couch (although I love to do that too!).
9. Explore more non-sexual touch.
Get a massage. Ask your friend if they’d like to cuddle while you watch a movie together. Moisturize your entire body, slowly, while listening to soothing music. Spoon your partner in bed while really focusing on and noticing all the parts of their body that are touching yours. Use a vibrator on your neck and shoulders after a long day. Give your family really good hugs the next time you see them. Despite the way our culture teaches us (especially men) to be somewhat touch-phobic, touch is good for you and can potentially lift your spirits a lot.
10. Do work you care about.
Granted, capitalism doesn’t always leave us much time for this… but if you regularly spend even an hour a day on, say, Twitter or YouTube, maybe that time could be rerouted into something more productive and satisfying.
This could take the form of volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about, like canvassing for your favorite political candidate or taking calls at an emotional support hotline. Perhaps you’d like to start a “side hustle” you find meaningful, like writing a blog that would’ve helped you if it had existed when you were a teen (hello, it me), or starting a podcast that highlights marginalized voices. Maybe you want to take more steps toward one of your “big dreams,” like by taking a class on how to write a book proposal, or getting your pilot’s license. We’re all inundated with mind-numbing busywork at least some of the time, but anything you can do to bust yourself out of that will give your life a joy boost.
What are your favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure?
This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
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