pressure wave technology

Review: Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator

Kate Sloan

People often tell me they wish they had my job, and I get it – but the truth is, it’s still a job, and a job means work, and work isn’t always fun. Sometimes I pout and groan and mope when I have to test a toy. Sometimes I flop dramatically onto my bed and announce to my spouse, “I don’t WANT to test toys today!!” Sometimes I would simply rather read a book, or play a video game, or write a sad personal essay than put a foreign object of uncertain quality onto my genitals with one hand while taking notes with the other. I know it sounds strange, but it’s true.

I was feeling similarly petulant about toy-testing the day that I first put the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator on my clit – and let me tell you, this toy changed my mind fast.

While described primarily as a suction toy, this little egg seems to also incorporate vibration into its design. I’ve tried plenty of toys that paired vibrations and pressure-waves in similar ways, but that pairing feels more seamless in this toy than in any others I’ve tried. The vibration (if indeed it is there) feels immediately way rumblier than what you’ll find on other toys of this type, and profoundly enhances the intense clitoral suction this toy can create.

“Intense” is, in fact, one of the main words I’d use to describe this toy. The suction/vibration combo makes even its lowest setting feel like a mid-range speed on a luxe rechargeable vibe (think Lelo or Jopen). While this will surely be a huge advantage for many users, for me it’s sort of a mixed bag; the “mouth” of this little egg is only really big enough to focus on the tip of my clit, the area that most vehemently dislikes overly intense stimulation. However, as with some other toys like this, I’ve found that it helps immensely to reposition the mouth so it sits on top of my clit, stimulating it through the clitoral hood. This softens the sensation substantially so that I can enjoy the toy’s intensity without tipping over into discomfort or pain. As a bonus, there’s an extra ring of silicone around the mouth that feels lovely on my labia during use.

There are 10 different modes available to you with this toy: 3 steady speeds and 7 patterns. The steady speeds aren’t as spaced-out as I would prefer, striking me instead as basically “high,” “higher,” and “highest.” Some of the patterns are too erratic and inconsistent for me to enjoy them, although they’d work well for intentional teasing, edging, or denial. A few of the patterns are uncomplicatedly pleasurable, though; I especially like the steady pulse modes, because there are almost no breaks between pulses and the pattern feels more like actual oral sex than steady stimulation does (particularly when well-lubed).

The cute egg shape of this toy has its benefits and its drawbacks. It’s aesthetically pleasing, doesn’t really “look like a sex toy,” and fits nicely in my hand. It’s probably too bulky to use while having penetrative sex in missionary position, unless you make some modifications to the position, but that same bulkiness makes it fantastic for hands-free play – just a little pressure from my thighs keeps it exactly where I need it. When using it this way, I can place one fingertip on the gently pointed end of the toy and thereby control its exact angle very precisely – and I don’t know about you, but angle of clitoral suction can make a lot of difference for me in terms of sensation, especially as I get closer to orgasm. This hands-free (or nearly-hands-free) method of using the toy also pairs especially well with cunnilingus fantasies, I find.

While it’s decently quiet while in use, this toy makes a slurpy racket when you’re positioning or repositioning it on your vulva, so it’s likely not the best choice if you need to remain nearly noiseless. That said, I wouldn’t generally expect a toy that costs $25 (!!) to be quiet anyway.

Yes, I did just say that the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Egg Vibrator costs $25. I think that’s astonishingly reasonable, given that this toy is as powerful as some of my $120-150 vibrators and pressure wave toys, if not moreso. It’s also rechargeable and waterproof, both qualities you don’t tend to see at this price point. The main reason I’m shocked at its low price, though, is that it’s rumbly as hell. Unlike buzzy vibes, this one makes orgasm feel within reach for much of the time that I’m using it, and doesn’t seem to numb me out even after 5+ minutes of use. It makes my legs shake, and makes me feel – regardless of what mood I was in before – that testing sex toys isn’t worth moping about after all.

 

This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Womanizer Premium

Kate Sloan

If toys like the Womanizer are meant to replicate cunnilingus – which is a subject of some debate in the industry – then I don’t think the technology is quite there yet. However, the luxe Womanizer Premium is one of the better options in its category, due to a number of innovations it introduces, even if it doesn’t quite scratch the right itch when I’m craving oral sex.

The folks at Lovehoney let me pick a toy to review for them, and I asked for the Womanizer Premium because I’ve had my eye on it ever since it launched. Available in a sophisticated navy blue (which I chose) amongst other shades, and boasting a sleek, ergonomic shape, this is certainly one of the most aesthetically pleasing Womanizers out there. (That may not be saying much, considering that the first Womanizer was leopard-print and rhinestoned, but still.) At $200, it’s one of the priciest pressure-wave toys I’ve ever seen – and aesthetically, I can see how it’s worthy of that price point. But what about how it actually feels?

Admittedly, a different toy – the Lelo Sila – instantly became my favorite pressure-wave toy when I first tried it, and it has remained so, for one key reason: its nozzle (or “mouth,” if you prefer) is big enough to stimulate my entire clitoral shaft, instead of just the hyper-sensitive tip of my clit. I have yet to find ANY other toy that does this, and I must have tried dozens at this point. (The closest I’ve found so far is the Satisfyer Curvy 2, which I would recommend if you want clit shaft stimulation but can’t afford Lelo’s pricey wares.) I don’t even have a particularly big clit, but most pressure-wave toys’ nozzles (including that of the Womanizer Premium) feel too small for my purposes, because I don’t want a ton of stimulation focused on the head of my clit. I know I’m not alone in this, because readers of mine have expressed similar sentiments. Why are more companies not meeting this need?

The Womanizer Premium even comes with two different nozzles, so you can theoretically swap between them for different sensations – but for me, they feel pretty much identical, and neither of them does the thing I actually want this type of toy to be able to do. The pressure waves in this one are on the rumblier side, so they do stimulate my internal clit to some extent, even if indirectly – but I still miss the way the Sila basically deepthroats my clit, rumbling its whole external length through my clitoral hood and inner labia.

But that’s a matter of personal taste. People who like direct, pinpoint clit stimulation would likely enjoy this toy, because it’s well-made and highly intuitive. It has 12 different intensity levels; I usually stay within the first 3-4 because they are plenty powerful enough for me. It also has a much-talked-about “autopilot mode” which allows you to lie back and let the toy decide when to change the intensity. As my friend Rae noted in their review, this mode feels much more like having actual partnered sex than a lot of other sex toys do. Unlike standard vibration patterns, the Womanizer’s autopilot mode takes its sweet time, transitioning smoothly between intensities like a partner who is paying attention to the hills and valleys of your sexual response. That said, the Womanizer isn’t actually paying attention to your body in that way, so sometimes this mode gets out of step with where I actually am in my arousal process. When that happens, though, I can just hit one button and I’ll be back in the standard choose-your-own-speed mode.

The buttons are one of the best things about this toy, actually. Specifically, the “+” button. Although the controls are positioned on the back of the toy where they can be hard to see during use, the “+” and “–” buttons are raised, and are noticeably different sizes from one another, so I can always turn the toy’s intensity up in a hurry when I need to, even in the dark. I love this feature!

I like that this Womanizer is shaped well for hands-free usage. In fact, as I write this, it is currently sandwiched between my thighs, and is maintaining a good seal around my clit without requiring much thigh pressure. I like to use it this way while I’m watching porn or reading erotica, especially in the bath (it’s waterproof), where being underwater seems to intensify the suction created by the air waves.

The “Smart Silence” feature first used in We-Vibe toys has been employed here too. It causes the toy to temporarily turn off whenever you lift it away from your body, resuming its stimulation once you press it to your clit again. I thought this feature would be annoying and finicky as it is in some We-Vibe toys, but they seem to have fixed it in the Womanizer Premium; it doesn’t tend to turn off when I want it to be on, though it occasionally does turn on when I want it to be off (such as when its nozzle brushes against the bedsheets when I set it aside for a moment to adjust my pillows or pick a different porn clip). You can also turn off this feature if you prefer. I’ve left it on, because I like that it saves battery power and also renders the toy nearly silent, since – as with most pressure-wave toys, and indeed most people – this one makes noise when there’s nothing in its “mouth” but quiets down significantly once it’s put to use.

The Womanizer Premium is shaped in such a way that it’d work great during PIV/intercourse. It’s flat-ish and ergonomic, and thus fits between bodies comfortably. However, the tip of the toy does extend a little over an inch past the end of the nozzle, which – depending on the distance between your clit and your vaginal opening – might be enough to make penetration difficult. I would likely reach for a more petite toy if I wanted pressure waves on my clit during PIV.

The Premium charges magnetically, is fully waterproof, and comes with a 5-year warranty. It’s perhaps the fanciest, nicest pressure-wave toy I’ve ever tried – but the size of its nozzle makes it not-quite-perfect for my body, because it does the clitoral equivalent of flicking a tongue against the head of a penis while forgetting that the shaft and balls exist. But hey, if you’re into that, you’d probably dig this gorgeous (albeit expensive) pleasure object.

 

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Womanizer Premium to review!

Review: Loveorl 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator

Kate Sloan

 

Loveorl sent me their 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator to review, and I thought, hey! It’s a double-ended toy where I might actually enjoy both ends!

Usually in this type of toy, one of the functions is good, while the other is just so-so – or sometimes they’re both bad. I had higher hopes for this one, because its two ends seem to be modelled after two types of toy I already know I enjoy: a Zumio-esque “high-frequency” hard-plastic vibrator designed for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, and a pressure-wave toy like a Satisfyer or Womanizer, meant to pulse around the clitoris, creating a suction-y sensation and triggering ethereally indirect orgasms. Neat!

This toy is rechargeable, and has a satiny silicone coating on most of its body. This makes it feel surprisingly luxe for its $22 price point. There’s one button for each of the two functions, and you cycle through each function’s various speeds and settings using its respective button. You can enable both functions at once, but I’m not sure why you would; this toy isn’t shaped well to allow for two clit-possessing people to use it simultaneously.

The Zumio-ish vibration portion disappointed me, for the most part. It claims to use the same “spiral oscillating waves” that you’d find in the Zumio (of which it is an obvious copycat, which, as you may know, I’m not a fan of on principle), but to me it just feels like too-buzzy, too-strong vibration. It overloads and desensitizes my clit in short order the way an overly buzzy vibe does, which the Zumio doesn’t do, at least not as quickly. It’s also very loud, and the entire toy vibrates when this setting is enabled, making my hand feel numb and itchy within seconds of turning the vibrations on.

 

The toy comes with two little silicone attachments for the vibrating end, which is cool. One of them is spherical and one looks like flower petals that can flap and flutter against your clit and labia. Interestingly, the toy is much quieter when there’s an attachment on it. I liked it best with the flower petal attachment because I could hold it on the top of my clit, with my clitoral shaft placed between the two petals, allowing for much more spread-out and indirect stimulation than the vibrator allows for sans attachment. I probably could get off using the toy this way, but eking out an orgasm with super buzzy, surface-level vibrations is not my favorite thing, and tends to take me forever.

The suction side of the toy is better. It, too, feels “buzzier” than many of its competitors in the pressure-wave space, like the thrillingly thrummy Lelo Sila. But design-wise, this is in the top half of pressure-wave toys I’ve tried: its silicone “mouth” is comfortably shaped and wide enough for me to fit more than just the hypersensitive tip of my clit into it, so I can get some of the clitoral shaft/clitoral hood stimulation I tend to crave when using this kind of toy. There are only three steady speeds and I found myself wishing, in the moments before orgasm, for just one more setting at the top end, probably because of the aforementioned buzziness having lessened my sensitivity a bit. But I can achieve orgasm readily with this thing, and it feels just as involuntary, spasmodic, and surprising as it does with other pressure-wave toys.

I have to say, for its price tag, I think the Loveorl 2-in-1 High-Frequency Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is a great value. If you only have $22 to spend on a clitoral toy and you want to try a broad range of sensations, this toy’s dual functions and two included attachments will give you a lot of bang for your buck. I wish it was quieter and rumblier, but frankly it’s pretty astonishing that Loveorl managed to make a rechargeable, body-safe, two-function sex toy for under $25, so maybe I’m asking for too much.

Get this toy if you want to experiment with pinpoint vibrations and/or pressure-wave stimulation without breaking the bank, and you don’t mind a moderate-to-loud noise level. You can always upgrade to higher-quality options later, but for an entry-level clit stim toy, you could do a lot worse than this petite pink creation.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Reviews: We-Vibe Tango X, Satisfyer Curvy 3+, & Lelo Smart Wand 2

Kate Sloan

I was sent these three toys recently while researching some pieces for the Insider about the best sex toys for couples and long-distance play. Here’s what I thought of each!

We-Vibe Tango X

I’ve long been loud about how much I love the original We-Vibe Tango. It has most of the qualities I’d ever want in a clitoral vibe: small, rumbly, powerful, firm, versatile, quiet, and waterproof. But it was missing a few key features – namely, it lacked a travel lock, had only one button you had to use to scroll through all 8 modes, and had a notoriously bad battery that was finicky as hell to charge and would tend to die completely after 1-3 years of use. Hence me owning several Tangos in my time.

The new Tango X has fixed all of those issues: We-Vibe added buttons for navigating between settings, provided a travel-lock option, and equipped the toy with a better battery that charges more easily. They also added an ergonomic silicone finger grip, something I hadn’t known I wanted but that makes the toy a lot easier for me to use on bad hand pain days.

The vibe is just as rumbly and strong as it ever was, albeit with more steady vibration settings to choose from so the jumps between settings don’t feel as abrupt as they used to. The addition of extra buttons, in particular, makes this toy much less annoying to use during partnered sex, because I don’t have to scroll through aaaaall the settings to get back to my fave, thus interrupting the action with some ill-timed vibration patterns. I’ve used the Tango X with my partner several times now and it is even more intuitive and well-suited to partnered-sex applications than it used to be, plus it remains a trusted choice for masturbation, whether I’m pairing it with a dildo or using the Tango X on its own.

I find it impressive that We-Vibe managed to keep the Tango X relatively affordable – $75 at time of writing – despite all these upgrades. (Canadians, that’s about $99 for us.) It remains an absolute staple in my toy collection, and because it has such rumbly and variable vibrations, I think it’d make a great gift for any vulva-possessing person in your life who has expressed wanting a clitoral vibrator but doesn’t quite know what to look for. Bravo, We-Vibe – bravo!

Satisfyer Curvy 3+

This ultra-sleek pressure-wave toy looks to me like something a grown-up Regina George might use. It’s cool, modern, and ergonomic as hell.

I was interested in the Curvy 3+ because Satisfyer gave me its predecessor, the Curvy 2+, back at ANME, and I loved it more than I expected to. The softly rounded edges of the “mouth” made it more comfortable around my clit than a lot of its pointier-edged counterparts, it had a broad range of settings and patterns, and its shape and matte silicone made it easy to hold onto, even when lube got involved. The “handle” end also vibrates and is insertable, incase you want to switch back and forth between clit stimulation and G-spot vibration – great if you’re travelling and don’t have access to other toys, I guess – but I didn’t end up using that feature much because, well, I own many, many dildos that feel better than the Curvy 2+’s handle.

That said, after trying the updated 3+ version, I actually prefer the earlier one! The 3+ has a flatter design that feels less sexy and more clinical in my hand somehow, and consequently its insertable end is also slimmer and less satisfying; it pokes my G-spot rather than filling me up. Most crucially, the “mouth” of the 3+ is smaller, shallower, and has less rounded-off edges, whereas the 2+ has a mouth that’s a good 0.1″ wider and 0.2″ deeper – which may not sound like much, but can make a big difference for a clitoral pressure-wave toy. I can fit a significant amount of my hooded clit into the Curvy 2+, but pretty much only the tip will comfortably fit into the 3+ and generally I have to pull back my hood a bit (yowch!) to even accomplish that much. The 2+’s mouth also has those gently rounded edges that make it much comfier to use, even when I’m pressing the toy firmly against my body.

Satisfyer’s app functionality is worth mentioning here, because it’s really fucking good. Like Lovense toys, Satisfyer toys connect quickly to their corresponding app and are super responsive when you’re controlling them that way. My partner and I have found my Satisfyer Curvy 2+ useful when we’re 500 miles apart but they want to “go down on me”; short of hiring a cunnilingually gifted sex worker and whispering instructions into their ear via audio call, the Satisfyer app is the closest my partner can get to performing oral on me when they can’t actually put their mouth on me.

While I’m sure some people will appreciate the aesthetic updates and functional differences of the Satisfyer Curvy 3+ versus its predecessors in the Curvy line, it’s the Curvy 2+ that has captured my heart (and my clit’s heart, if it had one), and that’s the one I’ll be reaching for more often in the future.

Lelo Smart Wand 2

Obligatory caveats about Lelo: ethically, they are… not great. They hired a domestic abuser as their spokesperson despite abuse survivors’ outcries against this, produced condoms that seem like a health hazard, sued We-Vibe in a vindictive act of patent-trolling, and released a sex toy excusively for male bankers (????), among other things.

While I do think their products have had a sharp decline in quality over the past decade or so, their Smart Wand line is a rare diamond in the rough, IMO – albeit with some problems of its own. I loved my original Smart Wand, although later it betrayed me by dying after only a year. No matter what I did to try to recharge and revive it, it was simply dead, dead, dead. I was just outside of Lelo’s 1-year warranty period so the best they would’ve done for me is provide me with a 50% discount code to buy another one, which – given how quickly the first one had perished – seemed risky and futile.

When I was at ANME in early 2020, I saw a new version of the Smart Wand on display which was bright turquoise (or “aqua,” according to Lelo). This exact shade is one of my favorite colors ever – in fact, I’m currently typing on a computer whose hard-shell case and keyboard cover are both the same color as my Smart Wand 2 – so I ached for it on those grounds alone. Later I asked Lelo for one, and it is just as glorious a hue as I remembered.

I’m not actually sure what’s different about the Smart Wand 2 versus the original Smart Wand; it’s been too long for me to remember and Lelo’s product copy is annoyingly unclear on this point. I do know that a lot of people reported mechanical issues with the original Smart Wand, most notably that sometimes the vibrations would jump around erratically, suddenly ramping up to a high setting or dropping to a low setting without users’ consent. This glitch was mostly reported as happening on the toy’s highest settings – and unfortunately, some reviewers say the Smart Wand 2 has the same issue.

I personally haven’t experienced this glitch, and didn’t experience it with the original Smart Wand, which suggests to me that maybe I use this vibe differently than the folks who noticed this problem. Pressure is often a culprit when vibes glitch out, but I’ve experimented with various amounts of pressure while using the Smart Wand 2 and still haven’t encountered that particular glitch (though I do notice that the vibe tends to get a bit weaker when you press it into your body, as often happens with vibrators). 🤷🏻‍♀️ Your mileage may vary, and purchase at your own risk!

I actually kind of love the Smart Wand 2, I’m somewhat ashamed to say. It’s gorgeous, smooth, and glamorous. Its handle has an ergonomic curved shape that I find useful when I massage my neck and shoulders with it. It’s reasonably quiet for a wand vibe, especially on the lower end of its intensity levels, and gets very strong and rumbly when you want it to. It’s also 100% waterproof, something that used to not matter as much to me in wand vibes but that matters enormously to me now that I live with chronic pain and thus do some of my best relaxin’ and wankin’ in the tub.

But despite all its glamour and strength, the Smart Wand 2 does have some problems. The buttons annoy me at least once every time I use it; Lelo has a bad habit of designing toys with buttons that somehow seem both oversensitive and undersensitive, sometimes requiring multiple presses to go to the next setting and sometimes skipping a few settings with just one press. I also find that the “+,” “–,” and “pattern” buttons are pretty indiscernible from one another when you’ve got your eyes closed or are using the toy in the dark, so I’ve accidentally started a vibration pattern many times when I meant to hit the “+” button instead, potentially ruining or losing my impending orgasm.

I’m also not especially fond of the rounded head. It works well for muscle massage, but one of the reasons I love my Magic Wand Rechargeable is that it has a more squarish shape so I can use its head’s edges/”corners” to produce a more focused, pinpointed sensation on my clit than the broad roundness the Smart Wand 2 allows for. However, if you like all-over vulva vibration, that won’t be an issue for you.

The Lelo Smart Wand 2 costs a whopping $199, and as stunning and seductive as it is, I don’t think it’s really worth that amount of money, especially when you can get a more dependable Magic Wand Rechargeable for just $130, or We-Vibe’s Wand (which is fully waterproof like the Smart Wand) for $170. The Smart Wand 2 reminds me of a beautiful but erratic socialite – and while that kind of person is fun to spend a night with once in a while, generally I’d rather come home to a reliable sweetheart like my Magic Wand.

 

Thanks to We-Vibe, Satisfyer, and Lelo for sending me these toys to try! Have you used any of these? What did you think?

Review: Osuga G-Spa

Kate Sloan

The Osuga G-Spa looks like a seal. But it’s a damn cute seal, one that can stand up on its own, like it’s looking out across the snow-dusted tundra, majestic and proud.

This toy isn’t just unique visually – it’s also pretty unusual mechanically. It’s a G-spot vibrator and pressure-wave clitoral stimulator in one, though unlike some other vibration/pressure-wave double-threats I’ve tried, you’re not meant to use both functions at once. (More on that later.) In fact, the Osuga website suggests you warm yourself up with vibration on your clit and then switch to the suction part once you’re ready. I love a multi-use toy that’s actually versatile and adaptable, rather than requiring you to employ all of its many uses at once!

 

My favorite thing about this toy is its clitoral stimulator portion – but then, I’m a clit girl at heart. The sonic pulses here feel different than some others I’ve tried – less like suction and more like deep, thrumming vibration. Osuga says this toy “stimulates every nerve from the surface to your very core,” and I have to agree – this is the kind of profound, rumbly pleasure that makes my clit pay attention.

It has three steady speeds, after which it loops back to the first one. I really appreciate this as someone who mostly hates patterns and usually skips over them. My favorite way to use the clitoral portion of this toy is hands-free, gripping the “seal’s” body between my thighs and gently undulating my hips to move my clit ever-so-slightly in and out of the “mouth.” The toy’s body has a shape and texture that allows for this, unlike some other pressure-wave toys I’ve tried, and it’s delightful.

 

Less delightful is the G-spot vibration portion. I like the shape – it’s flat with gently rounded edges, sort of like the Lelo Gigi, and very much the kind of thing my G-spot enjoys – but the vibrations themselves are only so-so: just slightly too buzzy for my tastes, and definitely not as satisfyingly rumbly as the clitoral part. I also don’t love that if you wanted to use a clit vibe in conjunction with this G-spot vibe, it’d have to be pretty small because the G-Spa is what my friend Epiphora refers to as a “vulva hog,” space-wise.

The size and shape of this toy make it best suited for solo play, in my view. Rear-entry penetrative sex positions would be fine, but front-to-front positions would be impossible if you were using this toy clitorally; it’s just too big. That said, I know I mentioned earlier that you’re not meant to use both the vibration and suction functions at once, but you actually could, depending on your anatomy and your partner’s anatomy. The suction part, theoretically, could go on one person’s clit while the vibrating part goes inside another person’s vagina or butt. It’d probably be unwieldy, but I appreciate that it’s an option, I guess!

The seal-esque shape of the G-Spa is surprisingly ergonomic for my achy hands. Both sides work decently well as handles, and the buttons are located in a place where I can reach them and discern between them easily but don’t often bump them by mistake. It’s also waterproof, in part because it charges magnetically, so I can take it into the tub any time for one of my beloved bathtime wanks.

 

The packaging of this toy is highly elegant and cute. It even comes with a super-soft, lint-free storage bag. The overall aesthetic is very millennial; it brings to mind words like “softboy” and “tenderqueer” and “twee.” Osuga’s other product won a Red Dot design award, and it’s obvious that they care about beauty as much as they care about pleasure.

In order to enjoy this toy, you’d have to adore both clitoral pressure-wave stimulation and G-spot vibration (but not at the same time). That’s a pretty specific set of needs – but if that description sounds like you, and you enjoy the G-Spa‘s adorable aesthetic, I think it’d be a good investment!

You can buy the Osuga G-Spa on their website. Right now, Osuga is offering my readers 10% off their order with the code GJ10 – just enter it at checkout!

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.